An anonymous reply to Iphie (The person apologised for insulting her not knowing she was married) made me decided to talk about why people chose to respect women simply because they are married. Not because they are smart, hard working, mature in age etc. No you are more respected in this part of the world because a man decided put you in his house ( last last sef e fit be say na you dey pay rent)
I don't wear my wedding rings at all (I no even know where e dey sef) and that make some people assume I'm a gwez, a single mom etc.
Let me share an incident. Sometime last year I decided to go and "learn work", the owner of the outfit was about leaving town so he asked his "manager" to teach me.
Along the line I noticed that the manger treats the other apprentice (a married woman) with more respect. I'm not big on being respected, but this was too glaring.
At a point I was thinking if it was because she drove a flashy car (complex issues abi?)
Then one day the owner of place came, saw my works and hailed me "mummy twins "
The manager's jaw dropped. "So you have kids? " Then he got to know I was married and everything changed, he no longer called me sister........ But started calling me madam.
That was when I knew why he was that way with the other apprentice, it had nothing to do with the car.
Afterwards any small thing he would say iya beji greet Oga for me, Oga dey do well for your body blah blah blah.
I used to feel so irritated, why respect me now because I'm married? Do you even know if my husband is responsible?
I was with him for 3 weeks before he knew my marital status, for those 3 weeks I did the best I could but it didn't seem good enough until he knew I was married.
I also get this from married women too,
Has this been your experience? Not just in terms of respect but a positive change of attitude when they realize you are married.
Lastly it uncommon to hear men introduced themselves as Mr Rowland Dominic.
But we women like tthe Mrs title ehn.
I attended a forum recently and we were asked to introduced ourselves na so so I'm Mrs this, I'm Mrs that.
When it got to my turn I said I'm Iya beji. The over zealous MC then said Mrs Iya beji you are welcome. Who send am?
Mrs Stella thanks again for this platform.
Greetings Mrs. Iya Ibeji.... Lol.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you. I think the average African man, by African, I use Nigerians as a case study. We tend to respect married women be you old or young. But then it's good to buttress the fact that, most persons don't give a hoot if you are married or not, if they mean to talk down on you they do it anyways.
Take me for example, my very good friend is married, when I am with him, I will insult the living daylight out of him. But when I want to address his wife, I'd be like Madam, please help me with this or that. There's this subconscious respect I just give to her or any other married woman. In fact, let's say before you get married I address you by your name, but once that wedding ring is on your finger I unconsciously stop calling you your name but Mummy Iya Ibeji, or Madam Iya Ibeji.....
Oh! Iya Ibeji men also like title oh. In short, I can't wait to get all my titles, so when I want to introduce myself I'd be like 'I am Pastor, Chief, Prof. Dr., Hon, Senator, Ezemuo, Capt. Rowland Dominic. 😁😁😁
Hahahhahahha
DeleteRow Rowland I am tired of you 😁😁😁😁😁
Capt Rowland I hear you
DeleteHahahahahaha funny dude. I wonder what my fellow Nigerians see in marriage, i have lost counts of may times people have asked me when I'm getting married.
DeleteYou are right. Because I was really slim, people disrespect me until they see the wedding band.
DeleteHahahahahaaaaa Iya beji no be small thing. Na the society wey God create us put.
ReplyDeleteThe way people dey respect me now like say I win lottery ehn, even me dey surprise.
I still bear my name and people keep asking why I've not changed my name. I will when I have strength.
Anytime I introduce myself without adding Mrs in presence of my HOD, he will help me add Mrs, I will just be laughing
Some people think that some married women are automatically deserving of respect - such drivel. My sister is a part time make up artist and one day she went to a wedding. One of the bridesmaid was admonishing the other. She said to her 'you should respect me because I have a husband. My sister was shocked
ReplyDeleteRowland! my belle ooo
ReplyDeleteyou're one funny dude...see titles..
This is Nigeria., everything iya ibeji said is true..we're big on respecting married women whomay just be managing their situations but look down on successful single ladies.
Hahahahaha..
ReplyDeleteSo true I can relate!...
Especially someone like me that is slim with a baby face..
I wear my wedding band occasionally!...
I don't dress like a married woman too...
I still dey rock my skimpy wears looking like a teen most times!...
There are some places I will go with my children and people would think they are my younger ones or nephew...trust those ones nah,they would start their mummy this mummy that..
I don't even like somebody calling me madam or whatever!...
Who e epp sef?...
I still want niggas to be asking me out biko...
Honestly this thing is so rampant with our people. I know a lady I was 4yrs older than, but because she gave birth at age 18 and now have 3kids. People tends to respect her more, thinking she's even older than me. So many cases like that I know, but me no send anybody o. The worst part is, I look so younger than my age and people don't even believe whenever I tell them my real age
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Lol @ Mrs Stella
ReplyDeleteLmao @Ezemuo Rowland Dominic.
ReplyDeleteRowland Dominic biko which tribe are you from?
It's like you sabi all languages in Nigeria.
Madam Iya Ibeji biko don't make mistake and call Stella madam. Okwa adi ama ama Onitsha gwara Obosi.
It is because SOME single ladies behave like loose canons.
ReplyDeleteBefore you blink your eyes them don snatch put.
Before you say jack, ya husband no sabi way to him house again.
Before you say ya name, them don siphon money for man pocket put them own
Nigerian single ladies are the definition of desperation.
In Nigeria been a Mrs makes people you look as a responsible person,something which has been prooved over time to be a bullshit way of measuring a responsible person.
ReplyDeleteThe discrimination of the single woman comes majorly from married woman and so the society which is filled with women have normalized it.
All I will say is that if you cross my path wrongly as a married person I will serve it to you hott irrespective of your age or your marital status.
LEP😛
👍👍first and second paragraph
DeleteNaija mentality things,a guy i grew up with in the area,no strings attached at all,just Hello friends,we weren't even close saw me again after 15yrs at the shopping mall,I couldn't even recognise him but he knew me and approached me that you are so so and I said yes then he introduced himself,he took my number,called me later in the day and asked for my social media name,I gave him and he sent me a request.now I'm this sort of person that like to keep my life private,yes I do updates regularly but with just pictures of myself and sometimes with friends,I don't write nothing,I don't do locations,no tagging whatever,I don't put my husband and children on Facebook.i never knew this guy had an opinion of me.he called me one day and my son picked the phone and said my mum is in the kitchen i'll go give it to her,you won't believe this guy was so surprised and said so you have children,I said yes 4 children,he said WHATTTTT really!!!!(like say I never reach to born) his next question was are you married?I said yes for 13yrs now,the guy was like I thought you are single or maybe a single mother(can you see how people just make up things in their head)he said you look too good to be a married woman,that I'm always so nicely dressed,do gorgeous and all,I'm like where is the marriage journal that says married women shouldn't look fabulous.since that day that guy started calling me madam,he started talking to me differently,we'll be like almost the same age oo.women ehennn our eyes dey see something
ReplyDeleteSo true o, I'm not really into wearing my wedding ring o. The ring got missing and hubby was so mad, infact till now I no hear word. When we first got married if I want to go to d street and buy something, he Will be like wear your ring, shior Oga I'm just going down the road.
ReplyDeleteFather Lord change my status for glory this year.
ReplyDeleteThat’s how a lady and I got talking and I asked her what she does and she said my husband works in shell. Na so I dey look her. As in???
ReplyDeleteLol
DeleteHahaha! Shell worker by proxy.
DeleteHahahahahaha
DeleteShe and her husband are one and the same.
Lolol. Just like an add I saw in Vanguard newspaper some years ago for I think FGGC Abuloma Old Girls reunion (not too sure now). The head of the association signed off something like ....
DeleteMrs Okoro Benedicta
Wife to SPDC Chairman.
I was shook!
Bruhahaha, she's working there too na.... After all Bible say two become one😈😈😈
ReplyDelete