Marriage Diaries 3

This is a part three of an un-put-down-able story....

Part One

Part Two

I want to appreciate you all.
I want to thank Madam Korkus for giving me a large platform such as this. I also want to thank everyone who took time to read, digest, learn and give a feedback.

Your comments has really helped. It has really improved my self esteem. It has helped me to believe more in myself.
However I will still love your sincere comments. Lets keep it constructive and positive.

Do not also fail to let me know when I fail to handle a situation well. Send your advise or opinion on how best the situation could have been handled.
Thank you so much.Thank you.

................

Hubby changed the rule. He says I am intruding on his privacy. He says its best we keep to each others phone. According to Dear Hubby, a phone is personal.So hubby changed his password.He says I can change mine too.

NOTE
"Hubby insisted that he has my password, social media passwords while we were dating.He checked through my phone whenever we see or after I come back from work each day. I must end the call with "I love you too" after every call even in public. He does same too. He called like twenty times a day.
In my former job, I was constantly meeting rich clients. Politicians at exotic spots in Lagos. I frequently went to places that he cant take me to. His income wont allow.Dear hubby felt threatened. But as a full housewife, no more competitors".


I am now a full housewife, dependent on him. He can do as he pleases. This new rule meant I can't watch my back again. But what he didn't know was that I was not interested in snooping again. The last one nearly gave me an heart attack. It gave me "Stroke" emotionally.
I was never going to put myself in that place again. So I simply concluded that what you don't know can't hurt you.
So we continued our journey to "happily ever after". 

One day, hubby came back from work and requested that I help him charge his phone. It was already locked. But you know when you have unread messages on social media. It displays the preamble.
For example, " SDK started a live video(your handle name).But the handle name I was seeing was not the one I know.He had created other social media accounts.I checked the accounts.They were private.

NOTE
"This means I can't trace his likes and comments. It also means he might be single. The new handle would not have our "lovey dovey" or wedding pictures".


I was livid that this man is getting more bold each day. I am this "petrol type of person that stirs trouble but I no get liver".
I did not confront him immediately.I allowed him to have his beauty sleep.

NOTE
"From the very first day of our marriage, hubby sleeps immediately he comes back from work. Its an everyday routine. He does not eat. He will just take water or juice and off to dream land.That sleep takes place on the sitting room sofa not on our matrimonial bed. I keep his food in a warmer and I also go to bed(matrimonial).I often sleep alone. Oga only enters the room around 5.00am or 6.00am to come and do the do.I have tried to change him, pleaded and cajoled. Nothing changed so I accepted to carry my cross honourably".



Hubby is one of those men that do things their way. For example, he eats only a particular type of beans, I don't like that type. If i decide to cook my own type. Hubby won't eat it. So his type of beans became my favourite.
For those wondering and asking if we didn't date. We did. But we did it the conventional Christian way and educated females way.
I was independent. I have gifted hubby hundreds of thousands before. I only cooked for him few times. Mostly during special events like birthdays and Valentine's. And he ate whatever I cooked. 

I slept over at his place only once before we were married.And it was for a night. Everywhere was clean and he slept on the bed with me. I never washed his cloths till we got married.
So tell me how I could have known all this.
In the morning, I confronted him. We had a very huge quarrel over it.He was about to walk out on me when I hit him on his back with my hand. How dare he. Who does that.He was shocked but never hit me back. (I have never done it since then and I won't do it again).
I am still in the marriage and hubby has never hit me once.No physical violence up till today.But he abuses and yells.

NOTE
I was fed up. I angrily said if he showed me this part of him, I would never have agreed to marry him. I said if i wasn't pregnant at the time I would divorce him without thinking twice. Dream or no dream. He replied. He said he would never have married me too if he knew I was not going to submissive, stubborn and disrespectful.

Before marriage I told him I will not call him "daddy" or use the plural nouns or is it verbs to address him like they do where I come from. It signifies respect.We addressed each other by pet names Even while talking to other parties, we say my husband or wife.


We moved on after the fight. But we said a lot of trashy and bad things about each other.


NOTE.
He was taking my patience for stupidity. So what If I wasn't working? His he the first to cater for his wife? its not even up to a year yet.
I was tired of keeping quiet. I wanted him to know that my skoin skoin was till intact.He is too petty and selfish.


Another incidence happened after that, hubby does not keep friends. None at all. I keep friends. Male friends.But they don't visit us. Marriage sort of drew the line. So aside family members, we don't have visitors.
Hubby is sort of a private person.He does not like crowd or people invading his space.

So he told me one day that two of his best customers would be visiting us.
These customers coming were part of our grooms men during our wedding.So you will agree with me that they are important enough to be treated right. It was an impromptu visit. We only knew of their coming hours before they arrived. 

They were in the neighbourhood and remembered he lives around there.
We had only ofada stew in the house. So I hurriedly boiled white rice.
Hubby served them drinks and I gave them prawn crackers to munch on first.


When they were ready to eat, I went to dish their food. I put each serving on a tray. I was about to open the kitchen door and give them to their rightful owner when hubby walked in.He saw four or five pieces of meat on each plate. Oga became angry. He said I must reduce the pieces of meat to two. Our visitors were in the parlour awaiting their food and we were both struggling with the plate of food. He wanted to take it from me and reduce the meat. I was not going to agree...........

NOTE.
Brethren from the South West and those familiar with Ofada stew.You know the way the way the meat is being cut right. Very small pieces that you just carry along with each spoon of rice. Like 20 or 50 naira meat.
How can you now serve adults two pieces?.This men were not only married but Fathers. They were also very much older than us. We were not broke. They did not come and beg for food. How can we now insult them with the food we are presenting to them. It also means that I don't know how to treat guests. What opinion will they have of me? 

For God's sake the kitchen is my territory. It is not his business. I am the Lord of the kitchen. The home maker. He has no business here. While growing up, My father provides money for food and he does not come to the kitchen to select the meat my mum will serve him with nor interfere with visitors portion. He simply trusted her decision.

HE IS MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A BIMBO.HE IS INDIRECTLY TELLING ME THAT I AM GOOD AT NOTHING. HE IS TELLING ME I CAN'T TAKE CARE OF THE HOME FRONT. HE HAS SCORED ME LOW IN THE OTHER ROOM AND YOU WANT TO DO THIS TO ME AGAIN?(sobbing).

I want you to note that hubby grew up with females. Separated mum. He had no father figure in his life.He never stayed with an uncle and she never remarried. So I think this affected him.I think he does not know it is wrong. But am telling him IT IS WRONG BUT HIS OVERSABI HEAD SAY NO HE IS RIGHT. "




We continued struggling with the plates............