Hmmmm .....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED STATE SIX YEARS AFTER WALKING AWAY
Thanks for all you do to savage situations unknowingly.
I don't know if this is best called a chronicle.
I was in a relationship with this guy 9years ago. It lasted for 3 years and it's been 6 years since we broke up. This was my first relationship and I think I did well with it.
No sex, just kisses.
No sleeping over
No cooking
No washing plates and clothes....and all the rest.
I never demanded anything from him, instead I gave.
His sisters were my friends, I went to their house often under the disguise I was going to visit his sisters but they all knew I was coming to see him.
I prayed for him on several occasions.
We talked alot and I was just ok with it.
He is an out-going person, very social and friendly. I went out with him on several occasions. Everyone knew us and liked seeing us together.
WE WERE HAPPYYYYY and DECENT.
I, on the other hand, an introvert, just loved the phone calls, I was always forced to go out with him and it wasn't that bad.
To my greatest shock, I found out he was sleeping with someone and I confronted him. He didn't deny it. He started pleading. I was filled with so much disgust and my mind was made up.
I didn't know I was going to pull through that phase of my life cos every one knew us, liked us and told us so. What will I start answering to people who asked me about him and what happened to the love we share. I slid into a more quiet personality.
I moved on but always thinking about him. I missed us, I hated what happened.
But what I did which I regret is that I never gave him audience to really talk about what happened. It was just through the phone that I asked him and he answered and I called it quits (through the phone)
His sisters never called or texted. His friends did but I wasn't buying any of that. And I never told anyone what happened that made us break up.
He even did so many things that surprised me the period we broke up. Like saying that I told someone he is gay and all that. He even threatened to come to my school and beat me up for wanting to tarnish his image. That his friend told him some trash I said about him. Mind you I have always been an introvert. I never had his friends' numbers so how could I have possibly said any of those things.
Fast forward to 6 years later and I heard he is getting married and my spirit, soul and body sunk. I was restless, I've had sleepless nights. The only thing I have achieved in 3 weeks is going to WhatsApp and watching their pre-wedding pictures. He didn't even invite me for his wedding or tell me for old time sakes he is getting married.
I am feeling really awkward.
I keep asking my self if what I did was wrong by breaking the relationship. And especially never giving him audience to talk about what happened.
I have told my close friend how I have been feeling and he just keeps talking me out of it and telling me the reason I am feeling this way is cos I blocked him out.
Please guys help a sis.
Is this feeling normal
Am I ok to feel like this.
I have as a punitive measure accepted to feel this way till it fades away.
This was my first relationship and I took care of it and cherished it. I haven't really had another serious one cos I'm not sure what to expect from the supposed "new guy"
I know he is getting married so I know I will have to stay far away as I can.
Please readers, tell me what to do to move forward after this period. I told God that this 2018 is a year of school for me. I want to do my masters so I've started looking for admissions but I can't take my eyes off his WhatsApp pictures oooo. His wife to be is actually a pretty lady and I wish them well.
May God bless them and give them a happy home. Amen.
Hide my identity Stella, please. Thanks and have the best of 2018.
*Awwwwww you didnt allow room for closure,you blocked out everything and thats why you feel the way you do...Next time you have a problem with someone,allow them talk and explain themselves,you may still walk but letting them talk helps you find closure...
Delete him from your hone so that you can stop monitoring him and move on..he doesnt need to tell anything,he owes you no explanations..he has moved on..please do same!!!.
Nawa o. All you need is closure. You can write how you feel in a paper and burn it afterwards. But delete and block him asap. Pele you will be fine finally.
ReplyDeleteThe lesson you should take away from this experience should be this:seldom make decision(s) in a state of anger.
DeleteApart from been an introvert, you come across as someone who has issues with her ego and who does not know when not to stretch matters too far.
How many men will remain faithful for 3yrs, when girls are practically hawking toto, you de open savings account for ur own, thats the more reason why u shld have at least hear his reason, but u completely shut him out... u didnt give a damn, till 6yrs later, are you mad? you think he wouldnt move on? And i can bet ure the kind that finds it difficult to find love, even more difficult for u cus ure an introvert. Abeg look front and leave the happy couple alone... u better move on quick oh cus theyd soon post their 1st childs pic, that one na HBP for u.
DeleteNne no other reasonable person has asked you out asides from those ones that say 'my colour' in Lagos island market. If you have a relationship you would have deleted him off your mind a long time ago. Leave him alone and pray for your man.
DeleteYou didn't move on. You were waiting for him to come and beg you but that didn't happen.
DeleteBlock him off and move on, have a fling, a rebound boyfriend, anything to get you out of that zone.
I had a serious boyfriend who everyone knew and admired us as a couple. I felt the same way you did when I left him cos he cheated. I didn't let it hold me back, I became successful, a got me a rebound bf. Lol 😂. Bottom line, I moved on. I even got married before him.
women and jumping into conclusion.
ReplyDeleteYou feel you should have been this bride; sure?
Well congrats for closing your legs during these times, that was one good thing you did.
Aunty walk away let the devil not be dragging your pussy, Cus I guess you are no longer a virgin. If you start a conversation with him, he may use it to take advantage of you and you will end up being his side piece, please face front
DeleteEeya, I just guess because you don't have some one you love presently.
ReplyDeleteIt is just normal. Follow Stella's advice to heal faster. In any case you will be super fine last last.
May be
DeletePoster plz move on and give other men chance to be with you. Loosen yourself a bit now,Love will find you o.k. Stop checking him up on whatsapp and other social media platforms,it will help you to forget him finally
ReplyDeleteEeya, I just guess because you don't have some one you love presently.
ReplyDeleteIt is just normal. Follow Stella's advice to heal faster. In any case you will be super fine last last.
Delete his contact so he won't be peppering you with his pictures.
ReplyDeleteAre u saying u haven't gotten another bf since u guys broke up?
Abeg find a distraction n stop pining over what u can't have.
she go still use her hand add the guy back
DeleteI did not know that Stella has been "SAVAGING" situations.
ReplyDeleteI thought she has been SALVAGING situations.
That was a SAVAGE joke from the poster.
Stella are you savage?
Abeg abeg abeg closure is overrated. Babygirl move on and if you need closure i have a 13×4 bazillian closure with 4 bundles se you want?
ReplyDeleteHahahaha 😁
DeleteEaya, that's the feeling you get when you break up with your first love.
DeleteDelete his contact on every SM and move on, it's time to love yourself.
😂😂😂😂😂😂. Haba mama Brazil, comfort her small na. Sorry poster. lesson from this experience is that you need to hear ppl out no matter what. I believe time will heal you.
DeleteBut anonymous 😂😂😂😂
We seem to have the same personality but i am learning not to be spontaneous in my decisions, as a matter of fact, i am dealing with one presently. He is getting married, move on dear. Block him on all handles and make a conscious effort to forget him. No one can help you do this but yourself. Get your mind busy...eventually, you will be fine.
ReplyDeleteI feel like i just gave this advise to myself.
advice*
ReplyDeleteAfter 6yrs his wedding is having this effect on you?
ReplyDelete6 good years! Thats 2,190 days approximately, are u sure he even remembers ur name? He must have dated & fucked 10 girls inb/w, and ure stalking him online.
You need a serious distraction, dont ever bother congratulating him on whatsapp, cus yeye emotions might start building up from there, find a way to switch him off.
It ws on this blog i xtensively xplained how the penis & brain dont work simultenously, the brain shuts down when there an erection, it takes strong will power to remember ur own phone number at that moment, till u cum, lol... He might have loved u but the D had a mind of its own, & u didnt give him a 2nd chanxe, not even to xplain, even if its a lie, this shld serve as a lesson.
ok so the dick has a mind of his own should be an excuse to cheat abi? you better stop glorifying nonsense theres no amount of urge that cannot be curtailed with self discipline, besides what happened to discussing your urges with your partner isnt that the whole essence of a relationship, Nigerians and rubbish double standard a woman cheat she is a whore a man cheats and its a case of "D has a mind of its own". smhh
DeleteYou felt so hurt that he cheated and you zoned out without giving him an opportunity to say something.
ReplyDeleteBut really, what does he have to say?
Even if you gave him a listening ear, would you sincerely have forgiven him and continued with him?
Whatever your answer is will determine how quickly you can move on.
If your answer is yes, then what you are dealing with right now is regrets. It may linger a bit longer.
If your answer is no, your emotions are just getting the best of you. But you can snap out quickly
Whatever the case,
Delete his numbers. Unfriend him on all accounts on social media. You gotta be disciplined about this.
His thoughts will creep up on your mind every now and then, but try to discard as quickly as you can and get your mind busy with other things.
Don't be too self absorbed. Go out. Meet people, make friends. Find new (love) interest. All of these will help you forget him on time.
Matters of the heart such as this can make you feel like you lost "the best thing you could get" but when you move on and get something really worth it, you will look back, shake your head and be thankful everything happened the way it did.
Love love this advice. Poster your emotions is just getting the best of you, delete his contact what are you still doing with his contact on your phone? Babe move on it been 6 years already what closure do want again ? even if you had given him listening ear would you have continue with the relationship Plus why would he invite you or tell you about his wedding ? he doesn't owe anything. please stop harming yourself and block him on all social media.
DeleteWell said bloglord
DeleteGbam
DeleteBLOGLORD the poster is a monitoring spirit. following him silently on all his sm for 6 years.
DeleteI don't think she can heal. poster carry your cross.
next time open your legs when it is time.
Hey girl YOU DODGED A BULLET.you should be glad! You haven't found somebody else because you have decided to restrict yourself and moan and sob over somebody that would have brought nothing but utter pain to you. Even if you wanted to give him a second chance, his reaction after the break up was foul and he was not remorseful. You should be glad you didn't accept him back. He would have still cheated on you again and again.please allow yourself to feel whatever you want to feel and with time and new responsibilities of life you'd forget all about him. Your reasons for ending the relationship are valid.hell I'm thinking of ending my current relationship because I feel his chat replies have become disrespectful and he doesn't take communication seriously. I can't give myself high blood pressure. I'd rather be solo and manage myself than manage a relationship. Godforbid! Dust yourself up my sister.you made the right decision.
ReplyDeleteyeye talk!
Deletewho said he would hv cheated again? do u even knw why it happened? when she was busy starving the guy.
she didnt dodge anythg, na the guy dodge bullet, she dsnt 4give easily, explanation sef she no wan hear
you hit the nail on the heard i was just wondering why no one even mentioned that the supposed ex threatened to beat you up when he heard you spread a false rumor why did he not call u to confirm the rumor other than threatening to beat you up,if he ever loved you, my take is: this guy may have been cheating on you all along without you knowing, have you asked yourself why his sisters did not call you at least to find out what happened, you were probably one of the many gals in his life, I think you should thank your stars you found out even better that you did not give up the cookie, stop been hard on yourself this guy was no saint, delete all contacts and move on its been 6years, what your feeling is very normal If he was still single am sure u would have given yourself a reason why you dont want him, now you want him becos you know you cant have him,Plus you think he his having his happy ending while you are not. But look on the bright side all would be fine in due time, but believe me you lost nothing and should have no regrets at all. Thank God and be positive.
DeleteAre you dating my ex? He was a self absorbed incorrigible prick with serious emotional issues. Run away!
DeletePoster,say it after me: it is well with my soul. You see there's always a place for forgiveness when there's love and understanding. I always tell people in love to forgive each other even when their partners cheat on them. You can only walk away when your partner is an unrepentant cheat and you're tired of his dirty way of life,but never call a relationship quit without giving it your very best bcos you might still live to regret your decision. In your case poster ,you allowed your am not cut out for bullshit feminism bull crap take the better part of you. If not who calls off relationship on phone? You loved him but you never gave him a second chance... You feel you can always get someone better than him.. You see life don't work that way. Its bn good six years and you're still living in regret bcos you refused to give the love of your life a second chance... Is already too late to cry over spilled milk. Just pick up the piece of yourself together and move on with your life. There's absolutely nothing you can do about this situation now bcos he's taken already. Next time when you love someone even if they cheat on you learn to forgive and give them a second chance..
ReplyDeleteAlso pray against soul tie..
Shallom...
Poster I feel your pain on such a deep level because this is really how I feel right now. My story isn’t exactly like yours but it’s similar. An old friend and I reconnected and were happy to talk again. The few months we talked were bliss cuz I had something to always look forward to.. Days were filled with happiness cuz me and him match and blend so well. He talked about how we wud go on trips together, so many things and I was genuinely happy. I like him so much but never showed it... Then I gave in to my insecurities and started giving him attitude all of a sudden. He tried to save the friendship numerous times bt I kept being rude, ignored hm etc. Then after a while he moved on and we stopped talking. And it just hurts me so badly dat we don’t talk anymore. I reached out a few times and he wasn’t even feeling the convo so it was short. Now I see he’s taking those trips we talked about but with someone else. I’m left to stalk Whatsapp and IG to see what’s happening. Ladies don’t let insecurities make u lose out on someone that may actually be d 1 for you. My 2 kobo #dopechic
ReplyDeletevery good for u, ntooor.
DeleteI dont pity ur kind.
If i check ur age now, its definitely above 28, behaving like kindergatten.
How sure are you he wasn't talking about same trip with that girl you saw him with on I.G same time when you two were talking? After all you two were just friends maybe he wanted to chop and clean mouth but since you started acting he felt is not worth the stress cos a guy that genuinely loves you or feel deep connection with you will go all out trust me. Just a thought though who truly knows the debt of someone's heart though except God
Delete* depth
DeletePoster kindly delete his number and block him on all social media platforms that you might share.
ReplyDeleteStop brooding over "what if" and find a way to move on with your life.
Lastly don't shut yourself in a box and compare all men to your EX, your boo is out there and if you don't give new people a chance to come into your life, you might never find him.
LEP😛
There is no need blocking him. She never mentioned that the guy contacts her. She is the one stalking him
DeleteYou go girl @ BlogLord. You are very right. Poster I used to be a similar situation but I deleted his no that's how I was able to forget him. Now I am so grateful I didn't even marry him cos now I am in a better place, I have a family of my own and I am loving it. Thank God.
ReplyDeleteSo poster move on.
All you need is to find someone you love dearly, my dear you will forget about him and the emotions sharperly. 6 yEARS is a very long time.
ReplyDeleteSee as e easy for mouth. "Find someone u love dearly".... to find one thousand naira note for ground sef easy pass.
DeleteBeing an introvert is not helping u move on. Try as much as u can to go out and make new friends, with time all will be well.
ReplyDeleteAfter Na all them holy holy 4 sdk go say u move on fast if u don't give him cookie....
ReplyDeleteU see its a lie!
Ur problem sef Now, Na Bcos u nor fuck, u didn't consummate the love u had for him.....
Solutions...... 1) try ur best to fuck him b4 d marriage,( send seductive messages, apologize, sexting,nude pics, try everything u can just fuck his brains out, just once o or
2) Go find a capable date that will make u forget about him..... PS. If u find a suitable guy make sure u fuck him loads, & u will be fine.
lol... ure not serious.
Deleteshe'd have said he used and dumped her if she gave him cookies.
Hahaha i'm not one of them holier than thou but please poster don't take this advice you will feel worse than you already feel now. Just move on
DeleteAll you need is to find someone you love dearly, my dear you will forget about him and the emotions sharperly. 6 yEARS is a very long time.
ReplyDeleteEya. Pele poster. Delete his contact and get busy with yourself.
ReplyDeleteStop monitoring him,block him on WhatsApp and other social media six years is too long to still be wallowing in hurt.He moved on,please to same.
ReplyDeleteFirst time wey Stella no bash person. Move on already poster.... It wasn't meant to be.
ReplyDeleteMove on
ReplyDeleteStop the 'what if's'. And please go out and date! Mingle!
You guy's were good and he cheated? Oh Please! Baby girl MOVE ON!
Have fun lady. You are too unique.to continue punishing yourself like this... Please. Move on!
She is not punishing herself. There is no reasonable man in sight
DeleteHhmmm, babe if he cheated while you were together, then he will still cheat if you come back again. So unfriend him and stop monitoring him, you are not really built like this.
ReplyDelete3yrs no sex, why wont he cheat? how many men do u think will remain faithful to u?
Deleteposter you did not give him what he need and he got it from another lady and got married to her,simple.
ReplyDeleteor do you expect him to marry you and leave the innocent lady that helped him chase away cold? No way.
serves you right.
Are you the dumper or the dumped here
ReplyDeletecos I am confused!
Do ursef a favor by forgetting abt him, Secondly go for deliverance it might be dat u have a spirit husband dats y u haven't met any other good man since ur last relationship.
ReplyDeleteYou were forming fly girl strong babe then after pleading to you right? You are now feeling down because you know he's getting married abi and you were even expecting an invite?
ReplyDeleteJust pick yourself up and move forward and stop forming hard to please. You weren't given him sex then, not contributing anything to his life and you want him to die there
Don™
ReplyDeleteOoh.. You will have his number on your phone? You can't eat your cake and have it.
Were you virgin during this period ? Can you answer that. Pussy hoarder
True love is more than sex. Moving on easily or not has nothing to do with sex. I can't find those judge on this post.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy moving on when it comes to matters of the heart. Just look at 6 f**king years.
Sex is important in a relationship, but you shouldn't hold on to the past. Move on with your life,please.
ReplyDeleteAll these people claiming "Introvert" should wake up and breach their comfort zones if they want to achieve true happiness in this life. This silly "Introvert" mindset you claim as if it is something special is an easy leeway to depression, even manic depression.
ReplyDeletePlease, liberate yourselves from negativity this new year and speak out. Talk about issues with your significant other or your blood brother/sister if you are insecure with trusting an outsider with your confidence.
Rise and shine; avoid making yourself a future nutcase!
The same thing happened to me, my ex of about 9years is still in love with, she says my wife stole me away from her, I remember how she called my sister to find out if I was actually getting married and telling my sister she just saw my pre wedding pictures and she almost games fainted. She is still asking for a hook up anytime she is in town but I keep telling her I don't want to ever cheat on my wife and then she starts crying on the phone and am like woman its 9yrs pls move on, I am for another woman.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason you feel this way is that in your mind you see his life as progressing and yours is at a standstill. Deep down the driving emotion is jealousy and envy and your ego being hurt. I bet you all I own that if you were already married and in a loving and nurturing relationship you would not give a horse's fart the direction his life was going. Always be mindful of what is motivating your emotions. You have moved on, so truly move on and stop peeking into his life. Detach yourself and look at your own future and concentrate on that. Take your mind off him so his wife to be can have his full attention, take your mental tentacles off him and set him loose to enjoy his life in peace. Your time will come and when it does he will not be on your mind. Set him free so there is spiritual space available for your man to enter your life freely and easily. Your constant reminiscing and daydreaming is blocking your own blessing.
ReplyDeleteThat is the simple truth.
ReplyDeleteLooking good is a serious business dear poster. Take urself out for good shopping, nice hair do and and always make sure your make up is on fleek. Tell God, urself and friends u ar single and searching.
ReplyDeleteIf u ar not a virgin please now is the time to give urself a good sex it is ur entitlement u deserve it.
Fuck till u forget him and a good guy will come along.
Stop telling urself u ar an introvert, start doing right and talking when necessary stop being shy and uptight.
BABY GIRL FREE YASELF.
I can relate to your experience. It's heartbreaking to see an ex who you still have feelings for move on and marry someone else. It is very painful indeed as It happened to me just last December. People may say all kinds of things about the way you called it off but that shouldn't have stopped him from trying harder to set things right with you. A guy who is crazy about you will hound you until you give him a chance to explain his misdeeds. Unfortunately, the type of guys we have nowadays have and keep so many options that don't allow issues to be resolved patiently. Before you can say Jack, they jump into seeing someone else who is ready to give them what they want.
ReplyDeleteYou come across as a double-minded person who has standards, knows what she wants but is easily swayed. The truth is your intuition about him was very strong but your feelings and weakness got to you. There are people who don't tolerate infidelity and will readily end a relationship with no regrets. If you aren't strong minded like that, then its best you understand yourself and approach issues with patience so you don't make rash decisions.
I wouldn't cry too much about this particular guy because he showed you his dangerous side and what he is capable of. For threatening violence against you, girl he does not love you. For walking away so easily, he doesn't really value you.
However, I don't fault him for not telling you he's getting married except there was regular communication between the two of you within the 6 years, which you didn't mention. If there wasn't, then he doesn't owe you that information.
I want to commend you for having standards. Please know that you have great worth and value and someone who will see that will come along. Believe this and speak and pray it into your life. But like everyone said, you must let go for that to happen. Unfriend, unfollow, block and delete. Then, hand over your heart and emotions to God to heal you.
It's time to move on. Your brighter future awaits you. Contact me on D8EE1EAB on BBM if you need to talk and process this.
All the best.