STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED:
Hi Stella
Please share I am in a dilemma
I am going to be 32 this year I met a guy when I was 29 on line on a dating site when I was 28, he was in Canada and I in Nigeria he cane to Nigeria to see me a year later and we clicked he told me had 3 girls and he was 45, we started dating the next time he cane back which was 4 months after the first visit.
He was very caring and cool, but I noticed he was very proud, when we quarrel this guy would just change his ticket date and go back to Canada just like that, I would be so mad I will now start to apologise even if I am wrong just for peace to reign. He has never said sorry to me. When he’s is coming back to Nigeria he buys heaven and earth for me and my friends at work but he hasn’t ever bought anything for my family.
For the 3 years we have dates he knows my family members even my grandfather house but I don’t know his family house, his sisters only one of his younger brother I know and because that One comes to the house and we all leave in the same state and his house he rented is like 30 mins from his fathers house, he has never for once said I should come let him introduce me to his dad. He only shows me around to his friends. If anything happen now I don’t know where to look for him to reach apart form d house he rented. When I cook I must serve him like am serving a king he doesn’t say pls or thank you.
Another thing his ex girlfriend that he claimed cheated on her 4 years ago all her Things are still in his house in a room her clothes are still on the hanger l, her boxes and pictures in the bathroom of the room, I have complained and complained for him to remove it, for years he keep saying he would remove it, up till now they are still there. On the 31st night when I got back from church I had a dream I saw his ex with him they were kissing I was so shocked I now asked his friend what’s happening that one just laughed at me and said I am just fooling my self that he is getting married I was just crying and I was on a lonely road.
On the other hand I met another guy like a year ago on Facebook we chatted sometimes but just friendly chatting until September of last year this guy was on my case he has a 4 year old son who loves me like hell, the son stays with him and he is the one training up the son, the sons mother is in Lagos and said she doesn’t want any son to distract her so she left the son with him, so his own mum helps in assisting in taking care of the boy. Since October last year, I have met his mum, sister and brother he introduced me to them. I told him I was coming to Lagos he decided to follow me that we should spend time and bond together in Lagos he took me to his most senior brothers to formally introduce me as his girlfriend. He really likes me. His mum and son loves me.
Now I am confused I gave three years of my life to the first guy and I don’t even know his plans I even called him and told this is a New Year let all take a break and decide what we want.
I am so confused the one in Canada sent me a touching message about how we started and pls I shouldn’t leave him.
I need advice pls . And we are all from The same tribe which is Edo. I really need advice please
*The guy in Canada sounds like ONE CHANCE....Be careful,je might be married already...the ex girlfriend might be his estranged wife.
Hope this guy brought CANE when he CAME to Nigeria. You expect him to buy things for your family; as what; has he been introduced to your family as a suitor? Is he your ATM card?
ReplyDeleteBe waiting to marry "abroad" with this attitude of yours. That is why most of the so called "abroad" despise and disrespect you; you see them as your Messiah out of poverty and they are not.
Edo? D canada man is up to nothing
DeleteForget d 3yrs...wasted!
You're attracted more to what Mr. Canada can offer you in terms of money and not that you love him else you won't be complaining about his ill treatment. Let's even assume he marries you, do you want to spend your life living with a man who treats you like an object? Like he is doing you a favour by marrying you?
ReplyDeleteA 45 year old should be married or taking action not dating for 3 years and playing around. He is not the one for you, let him go.
For the second one, he is clearly serious about you. Give him a chance and see where it leads though I don't like baby mama drama. Now she'd not be found but the minute you become wife she'd become threatened that's how most of them behave. You're 32 not 60 years old. Dislike when women are quick to mention their age when talking about relationships. See a 45 years old man still doing baby boy up and down.
@ Doppelganger so much wisdow with beauty.GOD bless u day in day out.
DeletePoster is just a material girl & will say YES to the abroadian if d question arises. I pray u find love & not money love.
So if no be internet u no go meet men,u are asking this stupid question bcos the guy lives in Canada, be wasting your life waiting for an unserious man.
ReplyDeletePoster it's like you're gifted in dating people with baggage and people online.
DeleteAnyway, Mr Canada is married /engaged with his ex.
I think you should choose the lesser evil, the one with a son,and before anything, try finding out why he isn't with the mother of his son(his whole family showing you love is no guarantee),for all we know, the family might be trying to push her away, by loving you.
FORGET MR CANADA.
There is no ex. That is his wife. She might be with him in Canada while you are the one warming his bed while he is in Nigeria.
DeleteJejely face the home based and leave the one based abroad. At the same time leave yourself open for other opportunities to date. Dating doesn't mean having sex up and down. Goodluck
Hahhahahahah...this girl u be winch 🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteYou need to be caned with that cane from Canada so that you will become wise. Why not take some of the things he buys for you; the heaven and earth and share with your family? Greedy!
ReplyDeleteMy dear, discard the first one , he indeed sounds like one chance according to Stella.
ReplyDeleteAs for the second one, study him well. The fact that he showed you all his family members doesn't mean you are both walking down the aisle or that he loves you. Wisdom is profitable to direct.
At 32 you don’t know what you want from a relationship? I’m so disappointed in you. You should be agile and alert and looking for red flags. Why waste your time on a confused 45 year old with children and ex-girlfriend (or wife) drama. I’m sure you don’t want to end up like the unfortunate side hen in yesterday’s chronicle dragging a man with a woman he has VOWED to love, regardless of what he tells you. It’s not by how long but how well. Please stop looking backwards but look forward. Give this second guy a huge chance and give that old guy backspace you hear? At least you’re caring for a child and not 4 children that’ll probably give you headache all the days of your life.
ReplyDeleteChronicle ti de....the first guy is MARRIED,please for your own good FORGET HIM,but before you do that,ensure you collect plenty things from him,Then you face the second guy,please use your brain and pretend to be a MERMAID.God bless you!
ReplyDeleteBut why do you like social media relationship.
2018my year!
The one abroad is still in a relationship with his ex, the reason he don’t want to introduce you to his family is because he is with his ex. I will advise you to forget about him. How will you cope with three step children if you eventually get married to him?
ReplyDeleteThe second guy seems ok.
Not even ex, the guy is married, those stuff are for his wife who is abroad, my dear receive sense and run away, take the second guy serious, at 32 you should know what you want biko.
DeleteEx abi wife? D canada edo man just dey use her here
DeletePoster leave tribe aside the canada guy has no plans for you and gnome how deep down in your heart you know also but you do not want to accept the obvious.
ReplyDeleteHe won't introduce you to his real family, he still keeps his Ex gfs clothes in the house like she lives there and his friends secretly gave you a hint. Forget his crocodile tears and let him go for your own sanity.
As for this other guy let him define what he wants and take actions about it.
I would say that you should give this new guy actions chance and forget the old one.
LEP😛
Let's talk about the second one because the first one is past tense.
ReplyDeleteIf you are in the shoes of the mother of that boy will you like your baby daddy to marry another woman after you've borne a son for him?
Ladies, think! Now he is introducing you to his family as "his girlfriend?" Which means he has not proposed, don't you see that nothing concrete has be done?
Are you sure he was never married to the baby mama? And please if you are opening vagina for him, stop it for that will not make him marry you; you might end up a baby mama again.
I don't understand you,so because of one ignorant baby mama she should not date him....see give
DeleteDid she tell the guys baby mama to live or did the guy also ask her to leave.
If you leave your baby daddy unattended to then it means that you don't need him and other girls can try their luck.
LEP😛
I get your point, all you love is "eating p8ssy" and the thing don enter ya brain well well.
DeleteWhat is wrong with referring to her as his girlfriend. What should he introduce her as?? The relationship is still fresh. Desperate human being!
DeleteMust you be with any of them??? I did not hear you talk about you loving them or any other characteristic that would sustain a marriage. It almost sounds like they are doing you a favour of some sort. Hmmmm! As for the 45 year old with 3 girls, sister you're only 32 not 42 please steer away. As for the baby daddy, please investigate and do your research.
ReplyDeleteNawa ooo.. what advice again? u av seen the break light from d 45yr old man wey dey buy u heaven and earth at d same time, dat one sweet you sooooo teeeeee.. u don't want to give urself sense to leave him (u don't know his family, Dats Enuf reason) ! And u were even complaining dat he doesn't by ur family anything, Biko.. can't you share d heaven and earth with ur family abi must he be d one to tell you ur right??? u are in d right place to share not until he buys for ur family separately.. Hian!! u stingy abeg!
ReplyDeleteI guess d man with a 4yr old no dey buy u market not to talk of heaven and earth Dats y u don't want to agree with ur heart to follow him, madam.. Leave Canada alone and shine in Nigeria!!! My opinion ✌✌
The Canadian is married. You are his bed warmer whenever he is in Nigeria. Better go for the second guy before you bite your finger. This is experience talking.
ReplyDeleteGbam! His wife is in Canada.
DeleteMarry the second one if you love him. That one that changes ticket and goes back to Canada and requires king service is a controlling bastard. Move on. He hasn't asked u for marriage anyway
ReplyDeletePoster why are you confused? Marry the first guy and you will forever send chronicles. No be curse,I'm stating the obvious. For the second guy,you really need to know the exact situation between him and his baby mama.
ReplyDeleteIs this one a chronicle? The guy man in Canada is married. It's obvious. But as the longthroat that we are... as soon as we hear "in the abroad na there we wan die put. Abeg find your level mbok.
ReplyDeleteD abroad wanna be is jux wasting ur time, I know u are considering them bcos of ur age but I will advise you to look where there is no baggage or u go for d second guy.
ReplyDeleteD abroad wanna be is jux wasting ur time, I know u are considering them bcos of ur age but I will advise you to look where there is no baggage or u go for d second guy.
ReplyDeleteLols
ReplyDeleteMy Edo sister don enter one chance... Kpele
U are 32 dear...be wise..
Migraine-inducing writeup!
ReplyDeleteSeems you like them with baggage (not that there's anything wrong with that), can you cope?
There's something not right about the first guy. I smell a rat. Those clothes may be that of his wife not even an ex. I know a guy who once lied that his daughter's pic on his phone screen was that of his niece. Some men are good liars especially when they think you're gullible.
Tread with caution in both cases.
What exactly are u looking for in a man? That would determine what u will settle for. U seem to stay with men based on how good they treat u and not based on how much you love them or whether u can build a future with them. If im to make a pick, none of them are quite okay. You should have a standard, check out a man's attitude to life, to people and not necessarily to u alone cos a man tht wants to date u would always be good to u. Why did d baby mama leave her kid to go hussle in lagos? Is he ready to settle down and not just date? A Lot on my mind...
ReplyDeleteNa wa o,at 32 you should know what you want.Is obvious the first guy is hiding something from you. Do your investigation about the second guy and decide if you want to marry him or not.but why say the first guy hasn't bought anything for your family, you sound as if he owes you.Greed
ReplyDeleteIdiotic bayo what the poster asked for is advice not condemnation.
DeleteFor the 1st one the hand writing is written on the wall. He is married or has some one serious, no one can keep an ex pictures hanging for 4 years if there is nothing.
ReplyDeleteAt 32 you still reason like a teenager
ReplyDeleteCan't you see the first guy is just using you to kill konji? You're just desperate to marry him becus he stays in Canada. Wake up and smell the coffee that guy is a big time user and he's not gonna marry you becus he's taken already.
As for guy no2 just keep your finger crossed. Don't be too all over him but you must ask him where the relationship is leading too. You're 32 for crying out loud... no more time for jolly jolly boyfriend. What you need now is commitment and any guy that's not ready for that should be flushed out while you keep your coast clear for potential suitors to come in.
Wishing you all the best.
Canadian boy/manfriend is MARRIED, stay away.Grow with the 9ja guy if his son and mother loves you.All the Best.
ReplyDeleteShinny Boss
No need to waste time to advise you,last last Na still d abroad guy u go choose, nor be bini girls wey I know?
ReplyDeleteU know them sef hahaha.....you need to enrol for English school God!!!
DeleteThis poster and baby daddies are like 5/6. Can't you find a man without numerous baggage? You're 32 not 50. Even at 50, women still get married. Besides, you seem to be concerned more about "showing me off to his family". Is that a new form of "accreditation"? I didn't see where you talked about character, love of God and man etc. Back to your confusion, what are you still doing with a man who lied about his age and the fact he has 3 kids and an ex girlfriend abi wife. He's even proud. Wonders! At the mention of marriage, women senses flee! To think his shedding "alligator" tears. Choose the lesser of two evils. Pick the second man, his Umunna adores you! To each his own...
ReplyDeletePS: your self esteem needs to touch Jesus's garment!
Hahahaha your eyes dey chook for abroadian even after your dream told you the truth about him. Your mumu don do.
ReplyDeleteI no fit advice for the second one because both of them Na yam and butter.
Onugbu soup and foofoo on my mind. In short I will eat it
My dear the Canadian based man is very married. how many single 45yr old single man can you find. Those things belong to his wife and not ex, he wont remove it.
ReplyDeleteI know its the money that is entering your eyes.
This guy will keep stringing you along till you are 40yrs. Receive sense.
Biko that Canada man is bad story, try the other guy or move on to better things.
ReplyDeleteMust you date men online.You seem like a social media flirt if you ask me.At 32 acting so daft with all the clues.Very inducing story.
ReplyDeleteIt's 2018, I don't think women should be afraid to ask questions like where's the relationship heading to, when are we getting married and move on if the answers we get from the man aren't definite. it's liberating to define the relationship.
ReplyDeleteanyway, guy number one has wasted enough of your time already. call him and tell him what you want. Guy number two, study him very well, I see potential there but it's not enough. before I married I asked myself if I felt at peace with my husband, I examined how he handled disappointing situations and how he handled money when he had plenty and little of it. having a relationship with your family is important if you want to get married. For three years, you don't know a man's family, you should have walked away 3years ago.
As for being served like a king, edo men are like that. I'm edo so I know.
Love and marriage should not be so complicated.forget about the Canada guy,he doesn't love you and has no plans of marrying you,if at 45 he doesn't know what he wants, when will he be able to figure it out?..Mind you,the lady with things in his house is NOT HIS EX,they are very much together..Don't be a fool .As for the scone guy with the baby mama,Aunty the Lord is your strength with that one
ReplyDeletemy dear God Loves u he's already showing up that d Canada guy is married the same happened to me but when i had d dream I tot is nothing until when it became late. pls I beg u try and put him aside and follow d guy here in Nigeria at least he is showing sign of seriousness by introducing u to his family and friends. also pray over it and be alert don't let anyman break ur heart or treat u like slave bcos is very painful. Good luck dear
ReplyDeleteAll these abroad guys are time wasters,those stuffs are for his wife not ex.He is married to a Nigerian and the live together in Canada probably the woman comes home once in a while and those times he won't let you know she's around or the woman hardly comes home. He is just using you. Plz be wise.
ReplyDeleteYour type can sleep online chatting with different men ehn, ogini? U and online men with baggage, abi u no fine?
ReplyDeleteCanada ko, Panama ni. I'm not gonna sit here to say he's married or not. But he's a confused man and no one needs a confused man in their life.
ReplyDeleteThis woman is not serious. First of all, you are blinded by the goodies the guy from Canada is bringing to you and you are also probably fantasizing about life abroad. The man is old enough to know what he wants. He has even said anything to you. You are already beginning to sound desperate. I am sure the guy is just interested in eating your cookies and when he is done, he will find someone else. For all you care, he may just be married over there in Canada. You are so blinded by your selfish interest and leaving the one who is serious about you. You had better not lose the other man.
ReplyDeleteI wonder why you are only attracted to those who have kids in the first place.
I want to cane some sense into you. I cannot believe you even sent this in. The answer is right in front of you and you still need help. Women really are the architect of their own misery. Go take the 45 yr old man with his three kids and rude and disrespectful attitude. Mr. Canada seems like the man of every woman's dream..rolling eyes.
ReplyDeleteMy dear wake up,the one in canada is still very married.as for the new guy,i'd advice you take your time.don't rush.
ReplyDeletePoster all the signs u need to know are clearly in ur face. It's either u board the one chance vehicle to Canada, being sure of no future OR you enter the vehicle with a known destination and guaranteed future. At 32 u suppose no dey let man dey confuse u like this na. Na who pride epp?. Please kill all the affection u have for the Canada man. He has ur mumu button don't let him rubbish u further else na there you go dey dey count 52 no changes. Na who d yeye letter or mail epp? Love yourself more this time. Allow a man put a ring on that finger not u demanding a ring from a time waster. Stop allowing bro Canada to scratch ur brain.
ReplyDeletePoster.....The decision is yours to make. The Canadian guy sound undecisive and unserious. Use your tongue to count your teeth concerning the other guy......but you can still seek God's face for guidance
ReplyDeleteIf you are confuse take it to God in prayer. He will guide you unto the right path.....
ReplyDeleteDeep down in your heart you know the truth but Canada dey enter your eye. You can keep ignoring the truth and becwasting your time. Its your life.
ReplyDeleteThe Canadian guy is still so married, he is even enjoying his marriage but goes to Naija to "play". I know because many husbands go to Nigeria more often than their wives! You even saw the clothes and female things but bought his lie? Men are super at deceiving women!!,,Unless you want to become a second wife which he won't even make you because he has a lot to lose in Canada with a charge of bigamy. As for the second one, if you have baby mama issues with a Nigerian woman who may or may not still be interested in the guy, you will have to go to prayer city to survive such a marriage. I don't know your situation but don't give out desperate vibes, men can sense it and use it to play you. Pray, go to the right places and God will give you the one whose missing ribs you are.
ReplyDeleteThe Canadian guy is still so married, he is even enjoying his marriage but goes to Naija to "play". I know because many husbands go to Nigeria more often than their wives! You even saw the clothes and female things but bought his lie? Men are super at deceiving women!!,,Unless you want to become a second wife which he won't even make you because he has a lot to lose in Canada with a charge of bigamy. As for the second one, if you have baby mama issues with a Nigerian woman who may or may not still be interested in the guy, you will have to go to prayer city to survive such a marriage. I don't know your situation but don't give out desperate vibes, men can sense it and use it to play you. Pray, go to the right places and God will give you the one whose missing ribs you are.
ReplyDeleteWhat are we talking here? Poster you are dating a married man whose wife is in Canada. You are defiling his marital bed with him. As for the second guy, I'm skeptical about online dating, it works for some and end in diasater for some. Give the second guy a chance, but stop sleeping with him.
ReplyDelete