STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A MALICIOUS HUSBAND
Hello Stella,good day to you, I'm a longtime blog visitor, I would like to seek the advice of my fellow bvs on this issue please hide my details.
I am married to a good and caring man , he performs his financial duties on myself and the kids in the best way he can but the issue I'm having is my husband is very malicious and it's becoming unbearable for me.
We don't stay in same state due to the nature of his job. That malice is in his nature because he has always been like that even while dating and he keeps promising to change but he's getting worse, he keeps malice at the slightest opportunity,imagine he started keeping malice with me on the first of a new yr for a very flimsy reason.
This singular act is making me unhappy and I'm not sure how long I can continue, I keep being the peacemaker every time,I cant remember if he has ever taken a step to make things right between us, I always do, I just feel the love is one sided.
He takes me for granted because he knows I can't stand malice. I want to discipline myself this time around not to apologize, I know it's difficult because of my nature but I really want to try,the worst that can happen is divorce and I want to brace up for it..
Do we have anyone in the house that has dealt with people like this successfully? I need advice on how to go about it please.
Poster,your husband is melancholic. Read up about melancholic temperament and know how to relate with him.
ReplyDeleteMy candid opinion is that he ain't changing that character at all,it's in him. Just learn how to relate/deal with him for your own peace of mind
Inukwa me to always be d one to beg?😉 Oriegwu! You have already given him that hand right from your dating days hence.. I would have suggested you should try to bone him too for as long as and see if he wont stop that nonsense but perhaps it will be a difficult thang since he seems to be d one that takes care of every every from your writeup. You see why its always good for a wife to be busy as well? That would have epped in occupying ya mind too. Pele o!
DeleteThat's not true Amanda. Such person's can only change when you treat them the exact same way they treat you. My hubby used to be like that... he can malice for Africa and I was feeling sick with his lifestyle. I had to start keeping malice with him when he starts his madness. I made sure I extend my own for 3 extra days whenever he is tired. He got tired and said we ahould talk. Said I make him feel uncomfortable with the way I malice him and we should end the marriage. I told him better (who you dey threaten), because I was even tired. I stood up to leave and he held me and started begging and that was the day he changed and never tried that shit with me again.
DeleteTreat them exactly the way they treat you and watch them change for the better. If they don't change then they don't love you.
Your hubby must be my hubbys fomer elder brother, cause mine used to keep malice like a baby before, I warned and warned him until now, he has started cutting it down, whenever he starts il just tell him I am fasting or praying so he should just change so my prayers can work.
DeleteIt's not easy being married or dating their type, especially if you are someone that likes attention so you just have to change.
Get someone to always call you on the phone, laugh around him, walk round the house naked, cook and serve him but act like your mind isn't there ( like forget either spoon or water) just be bubbly believe me, he will talk by force
Could it be that the horseband only instigates a quarrel when the side chic is coming so he will have time for her without your calls interrupting? All the yeye horsebands that will tell a girl they are single....
DeleteAll of you saying she married to answer a MRS, maybe that's why you're gweging in your parent's houses. Do you think any man or human for that matter is perfect? Of course you marry a man whose 'bad' habits you can tolerate.
DeleteEveryone has a deal breaker. Mine is cheating and I couldn't have married a man with such tendencies or 'over the roof libido' for example.
If your husband has other good qualities asides from keeping malice, then work around it and give yourself peace. Try ignoring him for a while and see if it will work.
If it doesn't, then find ways of adjusting to get yourself busy during his moods so it doesn't get to you.
Everyone has a cross or two they have to carry in marriage. I'm sure you're not a perfect human being too.
Finally, the only things that can't be tolerated on marriage are 'DEAL-BREAKERS'. Before dating, courtship or marriage, one has to identify what she can never put up with and not even think you can change a human being cos no one has that ability to change a full blown human. Every other thing can be worked out in love as long as you have a caring, non abusive partner.
When people generally begin to understand that men (especially) hardly change their attitude/character/ways, whatever you choose to call it, then their relationships will be easier to handle.
DeleteA person who normally smokes, drinks, womaniser, manises, physically or emotionally abuses you when courting won't become a better person after marriage, they become worse. Even if they try to be better in front of you, behind you, they're still the same.
Therefore, before you venture into any lifelong partnership, be it business or your life weigh the things you loathe initially, see if you have the threshold to overlook it forever before you say yes.
Don't be in a hurry to meet the expectations of the society and tie yourself to a life of misery.
Let's all receive sense for a better living.
God bless us all.
Anon 16.32 you took the words out of my mouth! I'm married to the sweetest man on earth. His only problem is this malice thing. Instead of talking about whatever he doesnt like he will recoil into his shell and refuse to talk to me. After years of cajoling and talking to him without success, what I did was to help him extend the malice program. If he doesn't talk to me for 1 week, I will do 2 weeks. This I did till bros come dey beg and apologize, that he won't do it again. Presently, he is better,when he starts for a few hours and remembers what I can do, he switches immediately and behaves himself. I wish you luck.
DeleteYou overlooked it and got married to him, so carry your cross and waka away from here.
ReplyDeleteI must marry syndrome.
Ahn Ahn, that was harsh na. Very unlike u.
DeleteAtoooo!!!
DeleteBut Chile's comment is so true... Unfortunately, we hate to face reality
DeleteUnlike chike to be harsh/unreasonable? You don't know chike
DeleteChei chike!
Delete@ poster You just have to learn how to handle issues with him, as for change he can't na blood the thing dey.
Chike God bless you jare...
Delete@poster what exactly do you want us to tell you? Pls,carry your agbelebu alone sotigbo? Since you said he was like that and you still went ahead to marry him so that you can pepper your friends on social media.. And mind you God hates divorce except you don't wanna marry again after your divorce. Carry your cross and continue to nurse your grown ass baby till death separate you guys.
Some comments I read at times on chronicles are just funny.
DeleteShow me a perfect person and I will show a a virgin with seven children.
The way people talk about divorce this days is funny, divorce for malice?
When he starts keeping malice you too keep to your self and perform your normal duties as a wife.
When did getting married become pepper dem gang?
My husband does that a lot in our first year of marriage, I later start ignoring him and that resets his brain.
He still does it now but in a reduced form, once he start I keep to my self, he will get tired and that is when he will remember the money he promised me or some unnecessary favors just to win me back and we move on.
To be successful in marriage you have to be very patient,i won't leave my husband because of malice.
Do you know what other people face in their marriage? And na them give yeye advice.
Woman work on your marriage and take it to God in prayers.
👏🏽👌🏽👌🏽
DeleteGod bless you ma I need pple like you in my life
DeleteChile this is not nice. Poster not every comment here should worry you.
DeleteNow scroll up and see some good advice. Extend your own malice too with him, get busy working and make some money and concentrate on the kids. He will turn around.
Had an ex who is a pastor. The young man can keep malice ehn, yet go to the altar to preach. Smh.
ReplyDeleteHe was doing this even before you got married but you turned a blind eye. You can't change a grown man.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is just childish. Tsk.
It's obvious he is acting on your weakness. Whenever he goes the malicious route again, and you are 100% certain it is in no way your fault, lock up. Dont apologise. Just do your normal duties. Serve his meals when he is around. Reply him on casual talk but never initiate peace talks. Do all you are meant to but give him the silent treatment.Na him go tire.
Nice advise but mine wasn't like dt before but i later learnt from his family dt that's his ways
DeleteExactly, bone him too. It will be hard initially but you will overcome it eventually. What nonsense, how can I be begging every time?
Delete@bloggie, at normal duties, does it include having sex with him?
DeleteYes @ Gbonju but he has to be the one who wants it. Give him but make sure you don't express any pleasure. It's sex not lovemaking.(there is a difference). No emotions attached till he behaves himself.
DeleteImagine gbenshing and acting oblivious during and afterwards. Very painful something. That's the 411. I repeat, na him go tire. Lol.
Madam, your habit of always begging him has spoilt him already. You better keep doing what you have been doing as a humble and sub missive wife and let peace reign. That hubby of yours should jam a woman like me! He for dey see malice dey run.
ReplyDeleteNa wa ooo,was experiencing such at some point in my life,his own is not malice but once u offend him,he go just go mute for days,i always apologize unnecessarily then too but at a point he thought na same thing,i just ghost him for like a week,na him dey report to people to beg me ooo,at times these men needs to be fed with their attitude as well
ReplyDeleteSorry dear.Some men are like DAT.
ReplyDeleteMay God fix it for you
Hmmm continue being that peacemaker till Jesus comes. Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called... divorce is not the best shot here. People have their different bad sides and since u knew of this before marrying him and still married him just adjust and see how u can live with it. As long as hes not abusive physically or emotionally. Some people are just like that.
ReplyDeletedo you know what emotional abuse is?
DeleteIt is well, both of you can't keep malice with other na, have a heart to heart conversation with him and express your pain, hopefully he will change, in the end don't let crash your self esteem......
ReplyDeletePoster I use to be a victim of such. My husband is also like that. At first I use to beg for peace to reign and it was getting out of hand , then I stop begging .and now he has stop it because i no longer hv his time.i only beg when I know I am at fault.
ReplyDeleteDivorce, d way the word is rampant now, divorce cos of mere malice u can equally keep too?
ReplyDeleteYou gotta be tough to survive in this world, n in marriage, tolerance and compromise can get u far.
She’s talking divorce because he’s not showing love with his yeye character.
DeleteBB thank you, they will be taking about divorce any how.
DeleteMy dad was a good man but he still has his own side that I do not like,his good side overwights the bad side, so my mum should now leave because of that?
We all need to go and change our mentality so that there will be more happy homes.
there's nth prayer cannot do! Watch the war room, be more tolerant and keep praying
ReplyDeleteStop begging him on every opportunity you have. He is a spoilt bomboy.
ReplyDeleteYou too behave like him and lets see who will win.
Maybe you should go and stay with him in the state he is because i dont like the idea of staying apart.
It is well. All na marriage packaging.
My husband don't always me to enter sitting Room to sit down talk more of watching television. He don'alway me t o go out , he don't always me to associates with people. We hv been married for 5 years now I don't hv anybody to call my friend. If anything finished in the house he will send somebody to go and buy and bring home for me to cook.i don't have a word of my own. I can't do anything without his consent. We only on generator when he is around. He can stay without fan or air condition, he say what I cook., He has many cars but I trek or enter Keke drop. My husband is very wicked and hot tempered.
ReplyDeleteOkay. Sorry. Watch warroom
DeleteEeehya sorry your case is critical
DeleteBesides are you Indian? Your write up eeehn. Lol. Afi keke drop Na.
God will intervene. Pray and fast
I hope you took permission before typing all these......my dear,enjoy your slavery and stop ranting!!!
DeleteThat is a wicked respond from you, I hope you get your similar share one day.
DeleteKai so sorry dear its well
DeleteMadam, anytime he starts keeping malice with u again eh, just ignore him. Pretend as if his actions aren't getting to u. Turn a blind eye to it. It might be hard o, but just try. It's because he knows u cant stand it, that's why he's doing it. When he finds out that, u don't care anymore, he will change.
ReplyDeleteMy guy too can keep malice o..but that was in the past. I kept my own malice for one month and he loosened up a bit. He can't even keep a malice with me for one day any longer. We offend each other and settle ASAP. Give him his own dose of malice and he will change.
ReplyDeleteYou taught he was going to change bu t it got worse after marriage right? Marriage don't change or stop things accept one decides to stop.
ReplyDeleteHe knows that is weak point that is why his always using it against you you just have to have a thick skin sometimes when he starts with his malice just shut him out in your head and ignore him you too form malice who have that time to be begging him overgrown baby Mtchew? Women love with sense abeg some men takes advantage if the love is onesided.
*your
ReplyDeleteContinue.. I can stay for 2weeks with out stepping out of the company. He has never taken me out to any occasion, I am always afraid of time, I don't always feel free around him. He always complain about anything I do. To be continued tomorrow. I am only pouring out my emotions
ReplyDeletePlease pour.
Deletewere you sold to him?
DeleteHahahahahahahaha
DeleteWhat won't I read on this blog. You are in slavery and not marriage.
Epele o
I would try and b on chronicle early tomorrow, jus for ur comment.
DeleteCom and pour your emotions nne
Won't blame you for ignoring a red flag but I think it's already a bad habit and you've got to deal with it. Since you're the proverbial peacemaker why don't you drop that award for the main time and ignore his antics. All your peacemaking hasn't resolved any issue then ignore. Nobody will die.
ReplyDeleteYou saw this before you you married him and yet you went ahead?
ReplyDeleteYou have clearly stated that he is a good husband and takes care of the family so therefore my advice is this: we don’t always have it all. We lose some and win some. Still be the arbitrator in order to make your family happy because the husband is not going to change. Unless you want a separation because of malice? That does not hold enough water Mrs.
Even things that has practical solutions we should pray about it, then why do we have brain. Biko ghost him and be happy I mean show happiness he will stop
ReplyDeleteDear poster, if this current ish aint ur fault, dont beg him....still carry out your wifely duties when he is tired he will come around and before you know it, he will stop the act. But ur hubby is childish sha, i dislike men that can keep malice
ReplyDeleteYou could've nipped your husband's malicious habit in the bud, but you kept apologizing, Mrs Apollina...
ReplyDeleteBut this is not enough for a divorce. Find a way round it. No one is perfect...
My hubby used to keep malice too, but I have understood the kind of person he is, I try not to quarrel with him even when he intentionally starts an unnecessary argument. My dear, that is how he just left go of his ways when he saw that I don master him ways. My dear shebi its just malice, keep making peace and try not to argue with him. Some men are big babies looking for who to pet them all the time. Please bear with him. 🤗
ReplyDeleteUntil she explodes and stab him right? Please stop telling people to endure. Give practical solutions to solve issues.
DeleteIt depends on the kind of malice....is it the one without dropping money or one he still drops money despite d anger? If d latter is d case, then my dear press d ignore button in ur brain too. Let him miss u abit and see what happens.
ReplyDeleteI only know if men giving silent treatment wen 'our little mad ness' comes to avoid altercations but malice?
Of****
DeleteMadness***
Poster, your husband does not want to change because he knows you will always make peace or apologies. Stop apologising and see him change.
ReplyDeleteI hate guys who keep malice. I once dated a guy who likes keeping malice. I will beg and beg for like 2weeks before he will even reply my millions of messages with "hi". One time he started his usual malice keeping and a friend once told me her uncle is interested in me and since i was tired of the malice, i just met with my friends uncle and we started talking. He proposed after 1month. We are blessed with 3 kids. 5 years of marriage. Mr malice keeper is still single.
ReplyDeleteLmao. Dont know why this is so funny tho
DeleteGood. Caring. Malicious. All describing same man. Strange.
ReplyDeleteWomen and problems,,
ReplyDeleteyou have a man being real to you and you are complaining?
do you want him to pretending to you that all is well while is not?
madam stop those things you do which he dont like ,,,,thats,,solution,,
or are you telling us that ur husband is a mad man?he wake up and start
malice just like that?,,if you keep malice too then watch him spending much
time at bar shop or with his friends who will advice him in what to do,,,,
i now overlook my wife and pretends that all is well cos im tired of complaining
and being malice to show her that i dont like what she was doing,,now she dont know when im happy or sad,,she wish i can open my mouth to tell her what she is doing good or bad,,but that not happening
Ibu nnoo nwoke nwanyi
DeleteU think this your attitude will lead u anywhere?
Dey there, make pant dey wear u. Mtchewww...
This clearly shows your level of maturity. there are better ways to communicate your displeasure to your spouse. when you keep malice with your wife what example are you laying for your children.They are watching you know
DeleteAre you minding the idiot above? In his mind, when they call men, he too will come out...Mr Malice keeper. I'm sure you're a mama's boy as well. Your likes disgust me
DeleteIs he a virgo zodiak sign?
ReplyDeleteWetin we do you? Lol. Kinda true but with maturity you deal with issues differently. I personally can't stand not talking to the one I love.
DeleteMarriage is not easy. Most especially when you have a difficult spouse. Some men hide this their malicious character during courtship. After courtship, you begin to see them releasing it.
ReplyDeleteMy advice for you. Put your marriage in the hands of God always, Whether you are at peace with your spouse or not. Then when he starts all those malice rubbish. Just be silent on him too. Serve his meals, greet him good morning in case if he carries it over to the next day. Just act normal.
He would know that you don't send him again. Therefore he would change his ways. Don't bother yourself. Just keep your mind busy, by working, reading motivational books, reading your bible, knitting. There are many ways to keep your mind busy that being bothered about a man that enjoys keeping malice.
Dear poster, my hubby is a melancholic by temperament too. Once we had a disagreement, he could go on d or a week without talking to you. I on the other hand am a choleric. I used to apologize and cry. Then i decided to play his little game. Once there is a disagreement, even when I am at fault, i quickly enter the cold shoulder mode. I no dey even greet! When dear hubby say that i no longer sought for attention or cried, he was the one that called meeting and made us promise not to go to bed angry anymore. Lol.... Just ignore him and hold out for as long as he wants, most especially, look happy while you are at it, even if you are crying inside. He would get the memo.
ReplyDeleteGet busy @ poster, I don't like malice myself so i make an effort not to put anyone in that position.
ReplyDeleteFill up your time with more important things, when he is tired he will retrace his step, all you need to do is ignore him for once.
Babe all your husband needs is a little doze of Jesus. The moment he accept Christ old things will pass away. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteYou can also try ignoring him,apologise only when you are wrong. Never apologise for his wrongs. Don't keep malice,just don't be too nice. Only the necessary hello ,hi,kids are fine,bye. No plenty talk. He will get the message.
At the end of it all Jesus is the answer.
Wetin concern Jesus with the man's imperfections? Poster ma, please love your husband the one but try to keep malice with him the more. Men like that don't know how to hide their feelings. If you offend him, you will know. He's a good man
DeleteWith all this coments from nigerian woman ,,menhhh man need to be very careful
ReplyDeleteand pray to GOD to give him his own true wife,
nigerian girls of today dont marry for love but for wants,
thats the reasons her husbands left her at home to go being with side chikcs
And keeping malice is good right? Mtchew😕
Deleteposter jux ignore him dis time around. nonsense!
ReplyDeleteMy sisters husband was like yours until she mastered his act and gave it back to him, he was so shocked when she did not beg in short she would use an earpiece to block her ears and sing along to what ever song she was playing she come add dance on top. It pained him en!. The next time he did something that did not matter she started the malice before him. Oga has repented now cos my sister was becoming the commander in chief of Malice. Now udo di.
ReplyDeleteLolol. Your sis na correct lady. He had a taste of his medicine and got cured.
DeleteEnd time horseband..
ReplyDeleteI am such a happy person that's why I can't stand such people. I can't imagine being married to a man who keeps malice mbok.
ReplyDeleteKai I am really glad SDK blog visitors have outgrown "go and watch war room" its about time you give him a taste of his own medicine.
Cat walks outta post
We are kind of in the same situation.. This. Time I lost it told hubby off badly and refuse to apologize. I stuck to my guns and totally ignored him.He started begging this morning and me I am feeling like a Queen
ReplyDeletePoster divorce is not the best option here, don't worry he will definitely change, just try and be happy anytime he starts that his habit, it is sure going to be fine
ReplyDeleteYou were blinded by the financial love and care sonwhy complain about the malice that was there before getting married? Pray for him always and keep apologizing.
ReplyDeleteI can't stand that.. I called off an engagement because of that...
ReplyDeletePoster I think you got some good advise here. Put in the work when he starts to act up. If he keeps malice for 2 days, leave him alone. Be enjoying yourself; be happy with yourself; focus on what you are doing. Before you start ignoring him, let him know when he is tired of acting up, let you know.
ReplyDeleteI like a lot of the married women comments. You ladies got good wisdom.
You're lucky it's just keeping malice. Mine keeps malice anytime we have a misunderstanding. He'll never sleep in same room with me but will sleep in the living room. I started begging him to please not let anything stop us from sleeping in same room no matter the quarrel. He kept sleeping on the couch and after a while, I stopped begging him and would even lock the room when he goes to sleep on the couch. Then,he lied to my brother and his mum that I lock him out when we quarrel,like i physically drag him oUT of the room and lock the doot. He took it up a notch by abandoning me when we just had a baby that is a few weeks old without informing me and moved to another state 12 hours away. I got to know by text that he no longer lives in the house. He still pays the bills but there's no doubt in my mind that he doesn't love me...or has ever loved him. He never visits the kids and I unless someone tells him to, never stays to hear what I have to say...it's either he beats me,leaves me or calls a third party. ..even when he's wrong. He tells lies a lot,even when there's an evidence.My dear,ignore your husband too,if he doesn't care, please find your way out of the marriage. It's not worth the headache.
ReplyDeleteKai,dis ur comment makes me sad
Deletemy first boyfriend was like this.
ReplyDeletehow did i learn?
i stopped letting him know it was affecting me. He does it because he knows it affects you. When he starts his malice just pretend like you cannot tell. pretend like you dont even notice talk not#rmally. When he stops dont ackowledge that he was even keeping malice. just contitinue life as normal. see how that works for a few months. if he reduces his malice keeping length or frequency you know its working continue.
If that doesnt work then you can try ignoring like above As soon as he stops his malice its time for you to start your own maybe giving him a taste of his medicine will stop him.
record the results at both times.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN THIS IS A VERY BAD HABIT FOR THEM TO PICK UP!!
good luck
Lmao my hubby use to try that rubbish with me but i taught him i have been inducted into the hall of fame for malice keeping😂😂guy had to reset his brain dont have time for rubbish.We're good now.
ReplyDelete