Banker Tales....

Tales from a former Banker who says other Bankers are free to join in after she is done telling it all....This is the second part of her narrative...

This one talks hilariously about Ebola alert and the frenemy within.....Hmmm!!!



 

Hmmm, let me tell you about tEbola alert and this time we had to wear gloves and sanitise our hands severally. That terrible Ebola period. Me that can like to nibble on snacks while working (really bad ethics…..yimu); I resume work at 7am, stay in a most times boring morning session listening to threats till about 8am, I call ‘next customer please’ nonstop till 5pm or when these customers decide not to show up, no food, maybe little water and you say make I no keep my stomach worms busy with snacks. Never been caught though.

Sorry to digress, back to my gist, that Ebola period, this gorgeously dressed all made up beautiful ebony sister waltzed into the banking hall; the type that gets attention from everyone. She respected herself enough to join the really long queue, I kept staring at her. My love for beautiful people can land me in trouble sha. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one starring, awon boys were stealing glances too, famzers were lending pen and saying hi. 

Well, next customer please, next customer please, madam landed in front of my colleague, just beside me so I could admire aunty well well. Anyways, kalasa burst as my colleague told her we could not access her balance (Banks policy and security reasons would not allow most staff access to customers balance). 

One can access balance by dialling our customer care line, using the phones in the banking hall, via USSD, mobile app, online platform e.t.c. Aunty begin speak English, she lectured us on her rights and all, she knew them well, why would we want to copy the western world, bla bla bla.

Before we knew it, awon boys and famzers have put mouth in the matter, supporting aunty and her grammar, she too was feeling fly as a fine madam that she is na. I noticed her sudden quietness and discomfort, bent my head to count my customers money when I heard a really strong and loud sneeze abi na cough sef. Raised my head up and the crowded banking hall was empty. My colleagues had disappeared, my Bosses whose office is even separated were missing, and even the one I was counting money for had vanished. No customer in sight save my fine Aunty who was now standing in front of an empty cubicle helplessly embarrassed. How they ran for safety faster than the speed of light or where they went is still a mystery till now. No one could explain. My eye must see why I need to run so I stayed put.

In my perplexity whether the sneeze was an actual threat to life, she stuttered to plead that I pay her, never seen anyone come down from a place of pride to humility that fast. I sympathised with her, but I no say bless you. I checked her withdrawal slip, carried out due diligence and paid her so business can continue. That my small salary must keep coming. Eventually everyone came out from wherever but the gist no gree end for office.


 Ever had a jealous colleague? Or someone who hates your guts? Well, if it was a woman then maybe you would understand this story better. Would be careful with this one before them decode me come withdraw my small salary. Suspension is the 2018 mantra. Biko if you decode me have mercy.

There is this Boss Lady in my office, madam know it all or she thought she did. Did I mention that I got the job with my OND even though I had my Bsc already? What to do na? The Bsc offer I got in Lag was 40K, I did not want to wait for better offers and be wasting away without work experience so I found myself here. 

Technically, a new Boss lady had arrived! This Boss Lady (myself) sabi package, she know book, she is smart and she sabi smile well well. Beef must enter.

I learnt really fast on the job, everyone was willing to teach me, Bosses, Colleagues and all. I have a natural charm with people so it was really moi-moi.

In less than two months, I had understudied every tellering desk; western union, FCY transfers, Pay direct, Bank collect, E-Transact other platforms and the regular debit credit, local transfers and all. I manned the western union desk like a Boss, TYS (thank you sir) begin flow as I dey delight customers. My own get sense. You do not pay me to jump queue, you thank me for services rendered, and I do that pretty well. This was the first beef unknown to me. But based on gossip, I don code. Unto say she na small madam in her right, I begin dey drop small small. I could pay for lunch, pay our bus fare home, just do little things and we tried to remain friends.

My bosses trusted me so much, they allowed me learn bits of the Ogas job, as I showed more interest, the let me learn. How else would I show them my Bsc wasn’t bought? How do I leave the bank without a thorough knowledge of what happens everywhere, if not all, my immediate department at the very least.

Before the end of my first year, I was given an award, this came from the head office so imagine my joy and motivation to be better. I became the golden egg. Little did I know this added salt to madams’ injury. If only she knew I was gunning for the CEOs’ desk and not our small 8tile cubicle. We closed and as usual, I called out to my friend as my bus jumping padi that she is, babe had gone home without a word. We had our differences but we frenemied fine. 

Next day, I said good morning, babe no answer me. This was the beginning of an over 100days malice. The type that no one in the office would even suspect.



They would tell her to give me an information, she would keep it to herself so that I can goof. If my Bosses told her to give me something to do, she would keep it till last minute and tell someone to pass it on, would eventually make a fool of myself asking questions my supervisors thought she told me. One time, she purposely gave me a dollar transaction she knew would sack me, thank God I took it straight to my Boss first for confirmation, he saved me. 

Time would not permit me to say how much I went through this period until one day, someone had a huge shortage, I wanted to join the contribution to pay for the money, babe called my intercom and told me this, ‘be very careful, most people do not see life the way you do, there are spiritual forces and it is your good heart that has been saving you else you for don hear am’. 

Till now, I still wonder what that meant but we are back to our frenemy relationship.



Next gist is about this male colleague I call chairlady.