STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
MARRIED TO A MAN WHO MARRIED FOR THE RED PASSPORT
Good day Stella nwanyi oma - Kedu ka ime? I'm addicted to your blog - 3 years and counting and may God bless you immensely. I wish to remain anonymous and I would appreciate it if you could hide my email.
I got married about two and a half years ago and we've been blessed with a beautiful baby girl, but lately I've been unhappy. My husband is the most selfish and wicked man that I know.
He lives in Nigeria while I live in the U.K, and I work in the medical profession while he works in the oil and gas industry. When we recently got married (even now), he would spend my money and keep his - he has never spent a dime on me .
Good day Stella nwanyi oma - Kedu ka ime? I'm addicted to your blog - 3 years and counting and may God bless you immensely. I wish to remain anonymous and I would appreciate it if you could hide my email.
I got married about two and a half years ago and we've been blessed with a beautiful baby girl, but lately I've been unhappy. My husband is the most selfish and wicked man that I know.
He lives in Nigeria while I live in the U.K, and I work in the medical profession while he works in the oil and gas industry. When we recently got married (even now), he would spend my money and keep his - he has never spent a dime on me .
He would take me out and at the end instead of paying, he will say he doesn't have enough money - sometimes he would make me pay for his friends. We would load our phones at the same time and he will use all my data and keep his. He always complains about not having money.
He has never contributed towards his daughters upkeep using his mothers illness as an excuse. He goes to native doctors a lot. After one year of trying to conceive, he told me his prophet said we were having difficulties cos I have a husband in the spirit world (can you imagine). Thank God we have a daughter now. He flirts a lot on the phone and I suspect he sleeps with girls.
He borrowed money from me (has never paid back) saying he bought land (all lies).
The main thing that's bothering me is that he is very keen on applying for a British passport ( I'm British) and he wants me to send him documents. I don't know if I should go ahead to bridge the gap (long distance marriage) because it's good for couples to be together. I'm worried because he's selfish, flirts a lot, does not provide for his family and he visits native doctors a lot.
He has never contributed towards his daughters upkeep using his mothers illness as an excuse. He goes to native doctors a lot. After one year of trying to conceive, he told me his prophet said we were having difficulties cos I have a husband in the spirit world (can you imagine). Thank God we have a daughter now. He flirts a lot on the phone and I suspect he sleeps with girls.
He borrowed money from me (has never paid back) saying he bought land (all lies).
The main thing that's bothering me is that he is very keen on applying for a British passport ( I'm British) and he wants me to send him documents. I don't know if I should go ahead to bridge the gap (long distance marriage) because it's good for couples to be together. I'm worried because he's selfish, flirts a lot, does not provide for his family and he visits native doctors a lot.
Did I tell you that he lied to his relative that he bought me a car ( I bought the car myself). My mum said the marriage isn't worth saving because he does not love me instead he wants a British passport. Earlier he wanted me to covert my car to left hand drive to send to Nigeria and he wanted to sell some of the things I bought for the wedding for myself.
Stella, please I need your red pen. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
Stella, please I need your red pen. What would you do if you were in my shoes?
ha!!!!!..ONE CHANCE!!!
Real gold digger, are you sure this man works in an oil firm? Men like this irritate me, just continue to manage him.
ReplyDeleteMy question is why do you lots just rush into marriage like say na just ordinary jamb exam wey u fit rewrite every year?
DeleteDid you even check where he came from, his background, kind of family he has, kind of friends he keeps and all of these things before getting married.
or bcos u see diamnond ring the thing sweet u so tey u no even know when u open mouth talk yes.
Listen marriage is a lifetime deal and any mistake done can ruin the rest of your life
Than Idiotic male is obviously a gold digger and not worthy to be called a MAN. If you rely on a woman for money you are not a MAN
Well said Stern.
DeleteThis one is one chance. What is the probability that he will remain in that marriage after he must have gotten what he want, which is the British Passport? Be wise my sister.
DeleteAre you for real? Hope you are not sending money to him? Correct one chance and it remaining beating. Wait until he beats you.
DeleteI know this is hard advice but if you truly love or once loved this man, move to NIGERIA and go live with him as husband and wife. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE other than money and career time.. find a job in naija, it will be peanuts compared to what you are being paid but your focus is your marriage and family. Try to work out your issues... talk to him about his spending, character with love... and watch his selfish ways change. Your time with him will let you know if he truly loves you or if he is in it for British passport.. you are already British, if you have done all you can and it doesn’t work out fine but you can’t just give up like that without doing your due diligence. Give him a chance to be the head of his household in naija. When you are not earning much he will be forced to take care of his daughter, pay for her needs etc. I will stop on this, No red passport until he shows years of commitment and love. You are British, your daughter hopefully is also British.. sooo at the end of the day... just calm down, observe and give him the opportunity to prove his true intentions. He could love you for real... you never know
DeletePoster please don't listen to 16:06, amam ihe onako (I don't know what he/she is saying), what type of stupid advice is that?
Delete16:06, you must be the husband. cheap husband. Shameless man.
DeletePoster, please don't listen to that Anon above. Come back to Nigeria for what?? Same Nigeria that people are fleeing?? Don't give him any paper. He already was a broken record before marriage but you didn't see the hand writing on the wall.
DeleteListen, DO NOT LISTEN TO 16:06, the chronicle you will write if you do will make this one look like a learner. From what you've written , now is the time to exit.
DeletePoster your "osband" don enter anonymous mode as anon 16:06 and 15:05.
DeletePlease don't listen to him.
Poster your "osband" don enter anonymous mode as anon 16:06 and 15:05.
DeletePlease don't listen to him.
Anon 16:06, you dey craze...
DeleteDon't File for him ...if possible to put his name on your daughter birth certificate too ..
DeleteI'll keep saying this I will no apply jack shit for anyone ...Never .
U re not yet married. Listen to ur mom
DeleteHahaha. fellow Bv are abusing me. the truth is bitter. Well I don’t know how people can quickly give advice to divorce when domestic violence is not involved.
DeleteSince I Dey craze. Aunty follow general advice ooo. Don’t forget in a marriage there is subsmission and likewise the man has to love his wife. From the chronicle up there does the man sound terrible, capital Yes but it doesn’t sound like a marriage that can’t be fixed or someone who can’t change. We all agree don’t give him Red passport... however, you can also put in more work to make sure your marriage is successful. Living on 2 continents will not work. Like I said earlier if you have done all you can and it still doesn’t work then you can raise a white flag and say you have tried
I personally know someone born and breed in the US, never set her foot in lagos, got married and moved to lagos to be with her husband so they can get to grow with each other with no strings attached other than love. I am sure in a year or two they will be planning to move back together. No one knows the future but that’s the cross you have to bear when you decided to marry someone that lives in another country
My fellow bv’s...pls don’t abuse me anymore.. you know I love you guys!! I should get a blog id... she is free to follow the general advice! Who knows I maybe wrong and this life is live and let live. She is the best person to make the right decision for her
That's a reasonable husband not this useless one who only thinks of himself.Bloody user and a shameless man who enjoys using his wives data,is he that cheap? Poster you yourself is just not it at all,so after living in the UK na this kind man you find? Couldn't you have just had a child for a man with no strings attached than this petty broke annoying man you married. Fyi,he doesn't work in any oil company, please divorce him and keep him as a friend from a long distance. Allow him access to his daughter whenever he wants or he comes. For someone who works in an oil company, why is it hard for him to visit? And why is he desperate for Kpali,his juju man obviously worked on your head, pls go to mountain of fire and clear your eyes. That man used juju on you from day one but now you are beginning to see road.Now I can conclude that common sense isn't common, pray for wisdom woman
DeleteAnon 16:06 and 19:51 what kind of advice are u giving. How can u advise her to give up her luxury and well paid job because she married a gold digging husband. Poster don't return and don't offer or borrow him money anymore
DeleteYOU MARRIED A LOSER AND A CHEAT! IF YOU DON’T OPEN YOUR EYES NOW TO TAKE A WALK, YOU WILL REGRET THIS DECISION AND BE BITTER FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND MAY EVEN TRANSFER THE AGGRESSION TO YOUR INNOCENT DAUGHTER. YOUR HUSBAND IS A LIAR AND IS DOOMED TO FAIL IN LIFE. RUN VERY FAR AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!
DeleteI have been there and that’s why I wrote this message in caps! Thanks.
Who married each other between you? Guess you're the husband here. Why were you desperate before you got married? Cos I don't think any lady that knows her worth will stoop so low to marry such a man. Please get out of that bondage, you're his customer daadaa ni, maga don pay
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Poster ,this is confirmed one Chance.. I've never advised anybody to divorce their partner before but on this your case you can use your discretion.He's only using u dear,wake up and smell the coffee. Once,he gets his British pali he's going to dump you and marry another woman. He never loved you,what he loves is your money. I won't advise you to divorce him but you can be separated from that gold digger. Take sometime off and think about the way forward.
DeleteShalom.
Larry always making sense and hitting the nail
DeleteI am very sorry to tell you but you have entered one serious chance. The guy sounds like someone I know, but they are in the US.
DeleteWhy do you even give him all these excuses? You sound really desperate and believe me your mum has told you the honest truth, this man would leave you as soon as that passport comes through, there's no need trying when love is dead, you are still young and may have a better chance at experiencing real love don't give it all up for this guy abeg
Once I read up to "he will spend my money . . ." I just knew that there was not marriage here.
ReplyDeleteBoth of you are selfish and don't understand what marriage is; "that the two has become one . .. "
There is no "my money", "his money"
You both primed this marriage to fail from the beginning.
Anon 15:05
DeleteI put it to you that you are the poster's "osband"
Poster biko flush this mistake you call husband inside the toilet and marry another husband.
Okwa onye mpiawa azu.
@Chike
DeleteHow can the poster's husband call himself selfish?
Is you skull filled with rocks or brain?
Sawdust anonymous, sawdust. Choke has has the I.Q of a brick wall.
DeleteOh, his skull is filled with sawdust?
DeleteI should have known that!
Big one chance, sametin happened to me, I ran away and am doing very good with my daughter now without the old selfish man(Meemee).
ReplyDeleteMadam draw ur ears and listen to me now,run four fourty frm dat guy!i mean do d Usain bolt on dat guy asap!dat guy is a bloody gold digger!he never loved u and wd never will!his just using u and right now is playing his last card with u,wch is to get dat uk papers from u before he wd finally finish u!madam emacipate urself frm mental slavery!free ur self from dat Baracuda now!free ur self from dat pernicious odious vermin now! To be forewarned is to be forarmed o! Dem no de tell blind man say rain de fall,him must fell am! Tk ur tongue to count ur teeth! Flee frm d devil o! Ehen I don talk my own 2 cents!
DeleteWere u desperate or naturally u are dumb emotionally?
ReplyDeleteWhat is this?
If u were my sister, I would seize ur passport n hide it cos u won't have sense until they kill u.
See this woman o!
They will never learn. But are you sure she will take all these advice serious? Well may God guide you.
Delete😂😂😂 this comment cracked me up big time 😂😂 blackberry o😃 You no go kill person abeg!
DeleteGbam... You're on point. I still wonder why she's still so nice to the man. (I'm intentionally not using the word husband, because that man isn't anything close to hus-let alone- band)
DeleteShe knows a lot about the man, including his lying spree and still stick with him.
Unless this woman is under some form of jazz, afterall the man visits such places.
Lol @blackberry, you are wicked..Poster please stay woke!
DeleteRun. Run. Run
ReplyDeletePoster if you are not happy please walk, the stress is not worth it.
DeletePoster your "osband" is a parasite and a thief.
ReplyDeleteNne DUMP HIS LAZY LYING ASS.
don't help him oooo.
Give him a very far distance.
In fact, marry another man because right now you are married to yourself.
BTW, am I the only one that does not read the 1st paragraph of every Chronicle?
am I the only one that noticed that the 80% of 2nd paragraph always start with "I"
Nna shift small.
DeleteWhen time comes they line up abusing single girls when you dont even have small (tintili) sense. Were you so desperate? How do you even get to marry a man who cant spend money on you?
You're now asking us a question you already have the answer to?
Are you sure he even has any job?
cos you have clearly stated he is a serial liar.
Abeg carry your cross. Give him permission to come to the abroad and ruin your life finally.
Girl relax is not that serious...#enjoyyoursinglelife☺
DeleteBut yeah the question part I don't know, because I know she knows the answers to her questions but she no go free us...
*in your voice* where do they find these kind of men?
No, she wants us to support her decision to quit the marriage (yeah we know that's what you have in mind@poster)
DeleteHear me and hear me loud and clear, you must not leave that marriage oo, it's for better for worse. Stop 'prouding' yourself 'upandan' in the name of I am in the medical profession, ain't no one interested in that.
Pray to God for your husband to stop 'philandering' anyhow.
oya pray pray pray, no need to shout oo
Bia madam, give yourself brain and don't allow this man come over there o. You've just entered one chance. And your mum is right.
ReplyDeleteYou are "in the medical profession" and you do not know simple abc of life; that marriage is a unification of two as one; both emotional, spiritual, financial etc.
ReplyDeleteduring dating; if you did, did you know that "he visits native doctors a lot?, was stingy etc."
Where or whom do you visit; God, mediums, pastors/god of men etc?
Do you know where else he visits? In between women's thighs, there is a hole there and he is a regular.
He is in Nigeria and you in the UK, why won't he spend his time inside other women's thighs?
I did not see any marriage in your story, I saw two selfish and self centered folks who had sex to produce a girl
And who are so unwilling to offer any sacrifice for each other.
Moving forward is your responsibility just like the initiation of this "sexual encounters" was yours.
Even after all this you still call him your husband?? Chai... You seem to have a good heart,but unfortunately that man doesn't see you as his wife, but rather he takes you to be his "maga".
ReplyDeleteI so much doubt that he works in an oil and gas company. My dear, please flee from him and focus on your lovely daughter.
Hey poster did you not see all this qualities in him before you got married? I'm pretty sure most of them were there
ReplyDeleteAnd I also think you are one of those abroad girls that gets married just to have children or probably get married to ur home boy(omo nija )
Women are always quick to say men are this or that but my sister I guess u still have ur own short comings u don't want the public to know. You are both together in this
My advice is for you to pray for your marriage and ask God for directions
Which advice again you need ,please dump him sharply obviously a gold digger
ReplyDeleteI don't get it? Are you still asking for advice or you are just sending in your chronicles cause you are so irritatingly dumb. Woman drop this man this minute and run. He works in oil and gas.... he must be a petrol attendant or is that not oil and gas? You don't know you have been scammed already and you are still looking and asking stupid questions. Move on and divorce the parasite of a man before he wrecks you physically,emotionally and financially.
ReplyDelete#come and thank me later.
Poster pls don't send him any documents, he's just a gold digger.
ReplyDeleteI know it might look difficult to start again alone and with a kid but your safety and that of your child is paramount.
If he visits native doctors then your been with him is putting yourself and your child in danger.
Cut him off let him go,divorce him if possible get your nigerian lawyer to help with the divorce without you showing face.
You married a gold digger.
LEP😛
You married a gold digger,he does everything you listed above and you still call him husband,well done,receive sense by fire.
ReplyDeleteMortein - Run for your life. After that paper you will never hear from him again . I have a feeling he has another wife in Nigeria . They are using you .Dont send him any papers .
ReplyDeleteGod bless u for this comment. Was waiting to see it.. poster that mofo is married ooooo he is.. and i know he is handsome the reason you wan to die there.. oil n gas my left butt
DeleteAre you even sure your horseband is really into oil and gas and not a roadside palm oil or black market fuel seller?
ReplyDeleteJust try giving him a cold shoulder abeg
Poster DO NOT under any circumstances help him get a British passport. He is not and will never be a husband to you. He is a LEECH> Their type PLENTY for London. My sister married one. 20 years later and he has sucked her dry. He does not and will never love you. Run away with your daughter. Thank God you live in a country where you can live your life quietly without shame. Even your own MAMA don talk am. Listen well!!!!
ReplyDeleteFile for divorce, its easier as you are far away and with your child. Build your life up again and forget about that man, a better partner will come.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously didn't do your homework well or you wouldn't have married him but no point crying over split milk. Don't listen to those that'll tell you to manage, THAT MAN WON'T CHANGE!!! You don't wanna find yourself at 60 reminiscing on all the opportunities you missed out on because you were joined to him.
Leave while the leaving is good. Shut your heart and mind away from busybody marriage advisers that don't know what you are passing through. Goodluck sis, you are gonna need loads of it, the separation and divorce journey isn't easy but it will be worth it in the end.
File for divorce, its easier as you are far away and with your child. Build your life up again and forget about that man, a better partner will come.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously didn't do your homework well or you wouldn't have married him but no point crying over split milk. Don't listen to those that'll tell you to manage, THAT MAN WON'T CHANGE!!! You don't wanna find yourself at 60 reminiscing on all the opportunities you missed out on because you were joined to him.
Leave while the leaving is good. Shut your heart and mind away from busybody marriage advisers that don't know what you are passing through. Goodluck sis, you are gonna need loads of it, the separation and divorce journey isn't easy but it will be worth it in the end.
Gold digger alert, dear poster, don't let this man ruin your existence.
ReplyDeleteDont oh... dont even try it. Let him remain in Nigeria, at least you' d be sane.
ReplyDeleteWisdom will not kill you. Poster use your tongue to count your teeth.
ReplyDeletePoster, your husband works in a Groundnut Oil Company. You were not paying attention when he told you. You heard Oil & jumped to conclusion...
ReplyDeleteAnd probably the only thing he owns in this world, is a sugar coated blokos & that's why you are not reasoning well...
Wake Up...
For frankool to type all these, he's a real gold digger.
Deleteposter, run. You made Frankool hot today.
DeleteYou are seing everything kokoro with your eyes now, what are you Suppose to do Nne, ok let me tell you, carry your gold digger husband give lawman as trash.. hisssss
ReplyDeleteI dont get it at all. Please, is it that you don't make use of your brain at all? You are the husband and the guy is the wife. He does not spend on you and even on his own child. Na wah! His first child for that matter and he works in an oil company? okayyy, issorite ooo.
ReplyDeleteplease, borrow brain if you don't have because you sound so annoying. Do not give him any document if you love yourself . If you do and he moves in with you , menh , am not ready to read your 2nd chronicles. He is not responsible and will treat you worse when he gets the papers. A man that cannot provide for his family no matter how little is an infidel. oto
You are his maga. He does not love you. Save your money and take care of your daughter mbok. But if you intoxicated with love , you can go ahead and invite over. Its your choice and decision.
W a it oo, didn't you know all these before marrying him?
ReplyDeleteI don't understand
Anonymous 16:06, na wa for this your advice! Madam, this is a one chance marriage! In my opinion, regardless of whether you help him het the passport or not, the marriage is on a timer
ReplyDeleteThe problem with a lot of ladies is we have no iota of love for ourselves. Why do I say this? If you love yourself,you would not subject yourself or allow yourself to be subjected to toxic situations. You would see a normal young man choosing the best lady he knows to marry but you would see a perfectly okay young woman throwing away her happiness and subjecting herself to a lifetime of misery just to bear Mrs, sigh. Imagine the question you are asking! You are miserable,unhappy and unfulfilled but you have no problem pushing on with this obvious liar and gold digger you married. Wake up and smell the coffee madam, you have entered one chance.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel pity for u
ReplyDeleteYou said he visits native doctors abi. If you leave him just like that he will finish you. He and his family will use all their money to use jazz to spoil your life and your daughters life. You have entered one chance
ReplyDeleteYou need to find a solid reason to leave him like going naija suddenly and catching him red handed cheating and tell the whole world and use that to leave him but he will still go native doc to do love jazz to get you back. If you dont give him papers he will use jazz on you to get it. He will collect ypur cloths hair or anything you use to use to jazz you. He is your husband and naturally he will have access to your personal things.
So the choice is yours. Just use your brain to have a solid reason to use against him with evidence and tell the whole world and cry very well so that you can use it to leave him. If you love your life dont tell him you want to leave him because he will jazz you and use jazz to spoil your career and life
Be prayerful
May I tell you something , once you leave that country for Nija that marriage go end, this man no get one naira love for you. May we not end up with a gold digger in Jesus Name, amen.
ReplyDeleteWisdom is profitable to direct. May God give you wisdom to do the right thing and not jeopardize your life. Finally pray and fast like tomorrow will not come
ReplyDeleteHey! Hold it there!! Not man will be stingy to his woman when he has, I am saying this from a experience. And is not everyone that is within the oil sector that is an oil company staff as their contract varies and you should know that casualization is the order of the day in that industry. There are situations were some categories of people within the said industry earn below 100k and if you do not know nor understand, you will be expecting him to shoulder a 300k bill, it will not work. So my dear Lady try and understand your husband's level and decide within yourself if you can cope or not. the answer you seek is within you, I don't think third party advice will help you.
ReplyDeleteDid the poster say she is british??
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 23:07, no matter how little a man earns, he should still take care of his family in his own small way. I was also in your kind of situation, Poster. The moment that I lost my job and had no money to throw about, he became worse and the marriage ended. If it is possible for you to get like 3months break from work, you can travel down and pretend to him that things are bad, tell him you lost your job for months and that you do not have much to your name. While in Nigeria, please, keep all your valuables, Passport too with your mom. CherishD.
ReplyDeleteHahhahhaha London desperate girls. I must marry kind of woman. I'm sure its ur type that curse single girls.......
ReplyDelete... I wish women will wise up and know the men they intend to marry, rather than being desperate and forget the signs