Hey you!...It's time for the Couch talk!
Why is it OK for a guy to ask a girl to be his woman and Ok if he does not propose marriage but makes it a physical relationship and then it is a taboo for a woman to propose to a man or say on a first date that she wants marriage?
She is seen as Desperate when she talks about Marriage but it is not so for him...
Because of this mindset,some Ladies stay in a Relationship for many many years waiting for the guy to propose when she can do it to him and get it done with!!!
Let's discuss this if you Understand the rant up there!!!
Let me read comments
ReplyDeleteI don't see a big deal about it. My current gf asked me out and I can't trade her for anything in this world. I plan to propose to her by weekend sef? I thank God daily that she made that first move
DeleteTo me it isn't a good idea to ask a man out or propose to a man.
DeleteYou know how men can be. If arguement enter they are so fast to say they were pressurised into marriage. Some unserious ones will even say they were forced.
If you like a guy by all means give green light, flirt with him. But do not be the one to ask him out.
However in a relationship please if a guy after 2years isn't talking about marriage. My sister ask him how far? I'm not saying propose to him. But you need to know where it is headed. Especially if you are over 30. Pls ask
Comments continue
ReplyDeleteNo naija woman should try it cos the man won't respect her...
ReplyDeleteHe will always take her for granted!!...
And yes!...it's a man's world in this country and I wouldn't advise a babe to do it!...
You can only do it if you are a married woman that need a side bobo!!...
We ladies stay for "many years" because the man is getting sex
ReplyDeleteMost men do not want marriage as long as the sex is there for the asking
Besides, that is the order of things as the creator made it;
He who finds a wife finds a good thing And obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22
When a girl is seen as virtuous, the man will rush to marry cos he won't want
to lose her to another.
When a girl is seen as promiscuous, she is seen as "a service girl" not a wife
It is wrong, but that is the case
I disagree!
DeleteGreat ladies do not just "disagree",
Deletethey make their points intelligently
Hope you aren't a service girl
Those are tales our grandmother told us. Every guy loves the full package.
DeleteSex on point
Cooking Skills on point
Dressing Sense
Intellect on point
Hard working
Money making
Ability to handle a man with all their baggage
Ability to run a home. Keep it clean, tidy, fresh, beautiful.
Raising children
Ability to take the heat
Men were born super lazy but to front busy making money.
@14:16
DeleteYour kind is dumped infinite times
Your kind is the typical sulking lady
"in spite of all I did for him, he dumped me for that rat"
well, that "rat" closed her legs
while you cooked and served him sex; you are a "service girl"
And any day you are asked "body count', conscience comes in
"You are my first boyfriend"
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God created women to be adored and cherished.
ReplyDeleteAdam was the one who defined whom Eve was and
not the other way round.
Except you want to change creation; do you?
A vital point
DeleteWhy is it ok for married men to cheat so shamelessly but if you try it a married woman then just say bye bye to your marriage
ReplyDeleteso many married men have caught their wives cheating, & 4given them after a whole lot of drama behind closed doors... but its top secret within them, more like a CIA file, its a shameful thing for men to open up infidelity from their woman, it makes the man look weak & inadequate.
DeleteIt is not ok for a married man to cheat. It is the patriachical mindset we grew up with.
DeleteCheating or Adultery is VERY bad and a sin against God
DeleteBut a married man cheating isn't going to get pregnant
A married woman cheating can lead to pregnancy
Next thing is murder or abortion because she knows the husband
will likely find out. Just a blood group test might do
And why do women have wombs and not the men?
ReplyDeleteWomen can decide if procreation should continue or not
That's how God made things, it is not a mindset.
As far as am concerned, there is no big deal in a lady asking a man to marry her.
ReplyDeleteIs a very big deal with the capital letter B 😒.
DeleteAnd how many have you asked to marry you?
DeleteAre you married after asking?
Not this part of the world though. Our mentality is still archaic..
DeleteSome guys are not romantic oh. Six years ago,after dating my hubby for 9months,i told him, oga.. Pick a date. He said for what? I told him introduction and wedding. He said I should choose anyone and let him know. I picked a date the following month. I planned my wedding under 3 weeks. Married the week after my introduction. Both families were shocked. Though Hubby bank rolled it.
ReplyDeleteHe latter confessed to me that he would have just continued dating.
How can I be sleeping with u, spending weekends together, from weekend, I spent week days in his house. We go to work together, he will pick me up on his way back,we did everything together. Then I will not be able to talk.
I thank God for wisdom. He never asked me out with his mouth sef. From friends, we started dating, spending time with each other. I will now wait for him to make one romantic proposal. Stay there.
Loooollll
DeleteCorrect babe!
DeleteImagine his line of thought oh, that he would have just continued dating, for how long? Meanwhile he don mark territory, doing everything with you so no other guy go de look your side.
Any girl who's not ready to make the first move (however overtly) better lock up. If the guy's not getting sex, he will either break up or man up and do the right thing.
This world and especially our society no favour women in many ways and we need to be smart to make the best of the situation.
Lols.. I like una. I want to be like you when I find her.
DeleteDontQuoteMe™
That's exactly what I wrote up there;
Deleteas long as the man is getting sex, he
is not interested in marriage; why add more
responsibility?
What else is he missing, you gave yourself
cheat to live with him; didn't you?
Anon 14:05 hello?
DeleteAre you d anon who is always on about fornication? Asking everyone 'have you opened your legs?'
@Sista Jane
DeleteWetin you wan carry the Anon do; cook soup or you wan open legs for am?
Ok are your legs open?
How many rods dey there?
ANYONE CAN MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. I DONT SEE THE ISSUE
ReplyDeleteLet me book a space here, will be right back😁😁
ReplyDeleteYou just spoke my mind as am here,I have lost 3 relationship all in one year cause of this issue,why are guys so afraid of commitment?
ReplyDeleteIf you don't want commitment why been in a relationship for so long,am so heart broken right now.I just got out frm a relationship because of this 3 days ago.
It shows desperation. He will feel that you want to hold him down with marriage or there is a bad side of you that you want to open after marriage.
DeleteOr
He is not sure of his feeling for you, so he will not like to promise you marriage and later disappoint you.
AuthenticBabe, 3 relationships in 2017 alone!
DeleteHaha, is your feelings that fickle that it could be turned on and off within the space of 3 months? (10/3)
Thus actually shows you are very desperate and once a guy notices it, he would walk. Get busy lov@g yourself first.
You see this boy called chike is just a f*cker
Delete"hold down with marriage" is the language of f*ck boys
It's a pity
Shame leave you dey catch me
grow balls and be a man and marry a wife
As far as Nigeria is concerned, this will always be a topic to discuss. Make I read comments abeg.
ReplyDeleteI asked my then Boyfriend what was the way forward in our relationship after dating for over 6 years . He came up with “ are you proposing to me” not sure if that was meant to make me feel bad I told him nope I just need to know what the plans are, I left the country shortly after and he proposed about 6 months after
ReplyDeleteYou will jokingly tell him yes oh... As you don't want another woman to snatch him. Then you lovingly hug him and then smack his head to reset it and tell him.. What are u feeling like with a wink .
DeleteHe will be remembering your words, the touch, smile and be happy.
Men that their brain is under their feet.
You massage their ego, u do ur shakara, you love, you pass ur message across.
If you can't finger their brains now, how do u want to master the art when the pressure of life and families come.
Even before a woman ask such questions, be sure u have his mum button else u will make a fool of ur self.
If your man loves drama, give him drama. If he loves to be in control like the Yoruba men in African Magic, Call him.. My lord and master, rub his head.. Talk all the rubbish he wants to hear and drop ur message clearly in the sentence.
You were giving him sex for six years
Deleteweren't you?
What else did you expect.
Let me tell you something naive girl
Once he is able to sort himself out abroad with you
You are past tense
Nope, we’ve been married 7 years now, 2 kids one on the way, and we don’t even live in Europe anymore. I really was asking then to know if to move on or not since Long distance was going to come in .
DeleteIf everybody is reading comments, u will the commenter be? Contribute or keep quiet biko.
ReplyDeleteOne way or another, I think it's even in the Bible. I don't also buy the idea of a girl proposing to a guy.
ReplyDeleteCodedly push him to do so if u must but never do it yourself.
Some men lack self control. In the heat of an argument or quarrel now, it would be what they will use to finish u.
'after all, I no chyke u, na u come chyke me'
Or maybe if you've caught him cheating
Even, all the yeyebrities that flaunt the most romantic proposals have issues. All marriages have issues. And most African men no Sabi talk. Even at that, does it mean the marriage has scattered.
DeleteMy dear, toughen up. Wives they hear worse things, most times, u ignore their stupid talks and move on and still gbench that night. Men that run their mouth like children. Mtcheeeewwww na today?
The only reason I think women are scared of making the move is because so many ladies are afraid of responsibility. Since it is widely believed that the bulk of responsibility falls on the man, it is paramount that a man should be the one piloting the direction of the relationship. As the saying goes, he who pays the piper dictates the tune.
ReplyDeleteMy point is, if a woman propose, she will be required to provide money for the marriage and many ladies are not ready for such. Some men proposes when they are ready 'financially', so a lady will have to wait until that.
DontQuoteMe™
Elastic my manchi, iji okwu.
DeleteSometimes the guy is not financially ready for marriage.
Why would a woman want to propose to a broke ass?. Na so the pressure reach? Someone doesn't have money, yet u want to die there. When there are so many better options. If the dick is sweet, ride it till you are ready to settle down. Why would you even propose cos a guy's Dick is sweet.
DeleteWhen pressure comes, that Dick won't be able to work again.
Elastic, i laugh at your comment'bear responsibility', redponsiblities wey women don dey bear tey tey. This generation is breeding very lazy men. The way my work momma(I call her that cus she is way older) complains ehn!,She spends all her salary on taking care of her children yet, the husband can't help her in some of the house chores. Most times, she sleeps at work because she wakes up as early as 3 to prepare her children for school. Most times ehn, I even wonder if marriage worth all these wahala.
DeleteIn Africa it is perceived has a man's world
ReplyDeleteSo any lady proposing to a man will be tag 'desperado'
So many people even believes when a lady is too forward in her relationship she will be love less or dump.
All this are stories,a real man knows the drill.
It's OK for the man, because it is his duty and responsibility to FIND a wife and propose to her, PAY her bride price and take CARE of his home. Usually When these roles are reversed it does not always favour the woman, she will most likely or even constantly be reminded that he was not ready, she rushed him bla bla bla...
ReplyDeleteTo your other question, it is not a taboo to me for a woman to state what she wants or hope for out of a relationship, in fact the earlier the better. How long will she be doing trial and error?
It is better to know where the relationship is heading, cos if you both put your mind to a thing, you'll work towards it. That's why there's courtship, a time to know if you are compatible enough for the journey into marital bliss.
All other factors being equal, there should be a time limit (peculiar to individual couple) of how long this courtship should last.
He proposed after 6 months. Asked and i said yes. I never really had a long relationship tho and i didnt date much. I get in and see the long time sign, i'm taking the next flight out. Who relationship epp abeg. It will only lead to sex sex and more osho free in the name of bf and gf. I jump and pass biko. Stayed single most part of my adult life and i enjoyed every bit of it!
ReplyDeletehahahahaha the Queen, you are something else oo. It is truly a man's world because already God has said it that a man is the Head.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂 my princess!!.
DeleteI don't see any big deal in asking him for concrete plans most especially when you are sure he is the one. Having spent part of your life with someone, what is the shyness about?
ReplyDeleteThe worst he will say is he is not ready, then you move on.
Most times, if the guy is crazy about u and is having challenges, he will tell u his plans. If at this stage, one cannot ask for commitment, how then will you be able to talk about other major issues.
If a guy can ask me to spin on my head and turn my backside up to satisfy his pleasure, and is then not speaking my language, I will ask him... Guy, when should we start preparations?
ReplyDeleteIt started from the bible. He that finds a wife finds a good thing.....,and not she that finds a husband.
ReplyDeleteGod forbid biko, propose ko so dat tomorw now he will be using it againt the person.
ReplyDeleteITS NOT OK FOR A MARRIED MAN TO CHEAT NEITHER IS IT OK FOR A GUY TO CHEAT / BEAT HIS GF
ReplyDelete@13:29
ReplyDelete"concrete plans?"
You dey build upstairs, you don buy cement?
You are sure he is the one, he may not be sure
you are the one; just sure of "the sex" you are giving.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord, it didn't say she who finds a husband. what am saying is that God made it the responsibility of the man to find a wife but I also believe that if two people are dating, the relationship should be defined from day one so nobody's time gets wasted.
ReplyDelete..... He who finds a Wife, not she who finds a husband....
ReplyDeleteIt's okay for a girl to ask a guy out on a date/hang out, depending on how it's ask but it's totally wrong for a lady to propose to a guy( Will you Marry me??).... It's okay for a lady to nudge their Man in that direction, some Men get to ask in plain terms, while other don't but end up marrying the lady, it all depends...... But being the one to ask??? It's a NO NO!!!!
Ruth indirectly proposed to Boaz aided and tutored by her mother in law whom she loved so much and from there Boaz promised to do the needful and from there the generation of David came forth. But you have to know the type and kind of person you are dealing with before you make such moves.
ReplyDelete@ Tilly, i love your courage. Sharp babe
Like me, when I was dating my ex,didn't know he was a dick head till II jokingly asked him whr the relationship is heading? He bluntlysaid he didn't promise to marry me when he asked me out, and I was in shock. I wasted a whole 3 years dating the dick head. II broke up with him with style and habe moved on and met an incredible man who is not afraid of the topic 'marriage'. By the way, that my ex has been begging for us to get back. But I don't go back to my vomit.
ReplyDeleteE be like say most men no dey ready, until u ask them what's up, many of them dont even know what dey want, I some want to make d whole billion before marriage.
ReplyDelete