Emergency Room Series: Just For Fun

One of the interesting parts of being a Nurse is that you get to know a lot of things about people some of which they aren't even aware of. We are trained like that.

 I think we are the best keepers of secrets. Patients confide in us better. I've had a lot of people confess their 'sins' while in the ER, especially when they feel they are about to die and when they later become stable and okay, some of them lie that they're joking. I'll simply smile and say "I know, its none of my business" 

There are different social categories of patients. To be honest, its not easy relating with a lot of people, let's discuss the categories of patients and see where you fall in, lol! For the over serious ones, this post is just for fun...


The Malingers: You see this people ehn, they are trouble makers, pathological liars and fraudsters. These ones will enter hospital and just faint at the reception on purpose. Most of them are bank workers, Sec school students and factory workers who obviously just want a sick leave. All their blood tests come out normal with good BP and good heart function. They waste our time. They'll refuse injections and drugs. They'll later tell us they just want to rest for a few hours and need 3 days sick leave off work..



The Prayer Warriors: These one will tear prayer to the point that you'll feel that you're not good enough to serve God. They pray so loud that other patients in the unit complain. Its okay when you pray for your relative on the sick bed but not to the disgust of others patients



The Dictators: this category of people are masters of questions and are good dictators. They are the ones that will tell you that their daughter or parent or forefather was or is a doctor so therefore they'll tell you the drugs you are to prescribe to them, the dosage and duration. They'll tell you the tests they want to run and will question your ideas. They don't know that what works for Mr A can be poison to Mr B's body. Nurses don't have a problem since they aren't the ones who prescribe drugs. Its the doctors that bear the headache


The Nightcrawlers: these ones will come to the hospital for the silliest reasons after midnight. They come in for sleeping pills or because the baby is teething and won't let them sleep. Some come to treat muscle pull they got during their acrobatic sex. They'll refer to themselves as 'emergency cases'. Some are brought from the clubs because they drank too much and collapsed.


The Slay Mamas: These girls are the ones that Snapchat and FacebookLive while on admission, they are the ones with hashtags like #1Odripsandcounting #healmelord #surgerydayprayforme #pepperthedevil. Some of them come because the doctor they crush on is on duty. Some also come to the hospital for unspeakable procedures. (A lot of them are retroviral but that's none of my business whether the guys that accompany them knows.)
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The Normal Ones: these guys come into the hospital, lay their complaints, have tests carried out and use their drugs as prescribed. They ask the right questions and its obvious they care about their health. They allow the medical team carry their duties well. 

The 'Lawyers': These guys love to exaggerate everything. They can tell you they've been stooling plain water for 1 month, meanwhile if someone has untreated severe diarrhea, that person won't last a week alive. These guys are always after faults, they always nag and complain, nothing seems good enough for them. I'm always careful with them and I always seek consent from all patients before I perform any procedure whether the person is a child, adult, alive or even dead. For the dead ones, I seek consent from the relatives (I'm sure someone is wondering why I'll need to take consent for a dead patient, lol)


Oya, Where do you fall into?


Thank you for reading. I'm glad people are learning a few things from this series. A very sensitive topic will be discussed in the next chapter. Have a good day.