STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHRONICLE OF A LONELY WIFE
Dear Stella,
You are a blessing to this generation. Via this platform lot has been learnt. Your blog makes me happy. please withhold my personal ID for privacy/decoding things. I need your opinion and that of your blog visitors on this issue.
I have been married for almost seven years, blessed with amazing kids and a husband who is an amazing father to them.
Prior to our wedding, hubby used to hang out with his buddies at joints/bars/pub every evening. I thought it was going to stop after the wedding or at least reduce once we got married. I even asked him stylishly, when we were courting,if that was how he was going to keep leaving me all by myself, at home in the evenings when we are married. He said no. That it's because we were not married that's why he loves to spend his evenings with his friends at joints.
Almost 7 years into our marital journey, he still hangs out regularly. from Monday's to Fridays he goes to bars after his daily business. He comes back home from 9pm sometimes 10pm, once in a while 12pm. Then on Saturdays he stays back except when he has functions to attend and after which he would still hang out at a joint/bar. on Sundays,after church he stays home all through. No bar.
In all of these I feel hurt because during the week I get to spend my evenings with just the kids. I long for adult conversation at the end of the day. I am a stay at home mum for now and I always look forward to family time in the evenings. When he comes home, the kids would be asleep,he eats,we talk a little and he dozes off. No quality time.
I have begged,nagged,prayed,fought over this same bar issue for years. He keeps saying he would change but does nothing. He keeps saying all his friends that he hangs out with are all married with kids and their wives have not killed them.
I am a kind woman, peace loving, family oriented, homely kind of woman. I don't give him trouble at home.i do the best within my means to keep a tidy and peaceful home for him to always want to return to yet he prefers to hang out with his friends every evening. Sometimes when he is free during the day he comes home for lunch and stays for sometime but once it's 5pm you would see him dressing up to leave.
Dear Stella,
You are a blessing to this generation. Via this platform lot has been learnt. Your blog makes me happy. please withhold my personal ID for privacy/decoding things. I need your opinion and that of your blog visitors on this issue.
I have been married for almost seven years, blessed with amazing kids and a husband who is an amazing father to them.
Prior to our wedding, hubby used to hang out with his buddies at joints/bars/pub every evening. I thought it was going to stop after the wedding or at least reduce once we got married. I even asked him stylishly, when we were courting,if that was how he was going to keep leaving me all by myself, at home in the evenings when we are married. He said no. That it's because we were not married that's why he loves to spend his evenings with his friends at joints.
Almost 7 years into our marital journey, he still hangs out regularly. from Monday's to Fridays he goes to bars after his daily business. He comes back home from 9pm sometimes 10pm, once in a while 12pm. Then on Saturdays he stays back except when he has functions to attend and after which he would still hang out at a joint/bar. on Sundays,after church he stays home all through. No bar.
In all of these I feel hurt because during the week I get to spend my evenings with just the kids. I long for adult conversation at the end of the day. I am a stay at home mum for now and I always look forward to family time in the evenings. When he comes home, the kids would be asleep,he eats,we talk a little and he dozes off. No quality time.
I have begged,nagged,prayed,fought over this same bar issue for years. He keeps saying he would change but does nothing. He keeps saying all his friends that he hangs out with are all married with kids and their wives have not killed them.
I am a kind woman, peace loving, family oriented, homely kind of woman. I don't give him trouble at home.i do the best within my means to keep a tidy and peaceful home for him to always want to return to yet he prefers to hang out with his friends every evening. Sometimes when he is free during the day he comes home for lunch and stays for sometime but once it's 5pm you would see him dressing up to leave.
He says hanging out makes him happy. I told him to strike a balance .To hang out some days and then some other week days be home before dark like 5pm or 6pm, so that we can spend time together in the evenings sometimes. Just Saturday and Sunday evenings are not enough. If he was out of town or staying out late for business reasons I would understand. Not for social reasons. We live in a small city without serious traffic problems so not getting home on time because of gridlock is out of it.
Our sex life is so irregular. My hubby can stay for 3months without even touching me. Sometimes I initiate sex and it happens but sometimes I deliberately don't initiate because I long to feel desired. although our kids are young and they hardly sleep In their rooms all through the night and for convenience hubby and I have been sleeping in separate rooms with kids.
My hubby does not see anything wrong.he feels he takes care of us and provides all that we need and that is paramount.sometimes I feel so lonely and I wish I could turn back the hands of time to marry a homely man.
Our sex life is so irregular. My hubby can stay for 3months without even touching me. Sometimes I initiate sex and it happens but sometimes I deliberately don't initiate because I long to feel desired. although our kids are young and they hardly sleep In their rooms all through the night and for convenience hubby and I have been sleeping in separate rooms with kids.
My hubby does not see anything wrong.he feels he takes care of us and provides all that we need and that is paramount.sometimes I feel so lonely and I wish I could turn back the hands of time to marry a homely man.
Dear Stella,blog visitors am I asking for too much? He keeps saying the wives of his friends don't complain about their husbands and that some men stay out later than he does without problems from their wives. I don't know what else to do. Please advice is needed.
*My dear since it is like this you have to be smart and change strategy cos what is holding him outside might be your rival.....we all know the Beer parlour set up.
Madam Begin to do the things he loves having at home..Encourage him to invite his friends over for food and drinks.....Get a sport on TV for football and always make sure his fave meal or snack is nearby.....
I dont know meeen..just be careful how you go about it so that you dont cause more harm than good.
After seven years your husband did not change, do you think by doing all those things, he will change.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, once he is going out, you too follow him and go out. Tell him you want to join his buddies too for enjoyment. Lets see if he will say no.
I keep wandering why ladies think they can change men after marriage. It is only God that can do that.
Look for someone to take care of the children and follow oga out. Stop being a stay at home more. Look for market to sell
As if it is easy to follow him along,just do exactly what Stella suggest it might work out.
DeletePoster just described my ex, I could have typed that chronicle. He hangs out from Monday - Sunday plus several outings during weekends. If you snooped, you will get to know that he is cheating. Hanging out comes hand in hand with cheating. He is not going to change unless he hits rock bottom, like having a fatal accident or he goes broke. Either deal with it or leave.
DeleteDearest Poster, this was me 3+ years ago (except the sex part & housewife part), we were 6 and half years in then so believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. Is it his company you miss or the idea of his company/him being at home? Don’t rush to answer. Ponder on it. For me, it was the latter. Honestly speaking, you have made yourself too available for him. You don’t fill your days with things to do, to improve yourself, to make your company worth being in. He goes out and comes back in with nothing new to discuss about asides what? The kids? Things to be done at home? Or what you saw on tv? What are you bringing to the table. He is intrigued by what’s outside because you have become predictable and uninteresting.
DeletePls this is not to shame you. Far from it. I had to tell myself these things too. Yes you have prayed. Yes you have nagged but what actions have you taken? Faith without works is dead.
This is what I did. I stopped pandering or running after him like a lapdog. I filled my days. Attend seminars, workshops, learn a skill while the kids are away, take your self away from that comfort zone you have created. Be “unavailable”. Let him look for you. Let him come to you. Stop pinning after him. Stop talking about it.
You both need to set some rules concerning your interaction with each other. Stop "winging" it like most couples. Sit him down and speak with him. You both pick a day of the week and make it family day, pick another day and make it date night. That day, you can cater to each other’s needs; appeal to the man (not husband or father) in him, let him appeal to the lady (not wife or mother) in you. When that day is passed, let him be. Don't choke him by wanting to be around him all the time. I understand it can be frustrating but men need their space. They need to unwind and just be boys. Unfortunately we get the shorter end of the stick but that’s what it is. Make the best of it. While he’s away, better your self so when he comes searching, you don’t seem boring and predictable. Stop being needy and clingy. That’s a major turn off.
Once in a while make beer meat, buy drinks, let him invite his friends over. If your bouyant enough, convert a room in the house into a man-cave for him. Let him have his own space to unwind. He will definitely reduce his going out. This is all i did and nobody told hubby, he come dey fear and started looking for me...LOL🤣. absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder. Communication is Key.
All the best love
Wow...this is d best advice av read on this blog
DeleteWhao!!! I love this @my two kobo. Familiarity brings contempt . Get something doing poster . bring something to d table, not just children. Engage yourself. Learn a skill, get a job.do something dear.
DeleteThis is the best advice so far... Plenty kisses
DeleteWow. My two kobo you nailed it.
DeleteGreat advice. God bless you @mytwokobo Poster pls consider all she has said. God will give you all the strength and wisdom you need too.
DeletePoster pls for no reason should you vacate your home! Just check out emotionally...for a while, he'll come searching for you...
DeleteGood advice from you Stella...spot on!
ReplyDeleteGet something to do! Do you have certificates? Look for a job or start a business, better still start a programme in a school.
DeleteThese will do 3 things for you 1, it will occupy your mind and you won't miss your husband's absence so much, hence you'll nag less.
2, Because you are busy, your husband will be forced to create time to tend to the children occasionally when you are not around and this will gradually cut the ties with friends.
3, your husband will be forced to wait for you to come home once in a while, because he will know that your going out means you would be spending time with other men, either business associates or classmates. He will see you dress to go out and he would imagine whether other men will give you the attention he doesn't giving you.
You would have fought it when you both were dating, I had to fight my way, now my hubby doesn't even have the time nor the energy to go out. Whenever he comes home for lunch, go take your bath, dress lovely and zoom out, leaving him at home to do a little of what you do, as he cannot leave the kids alone, if you have to go see a movie do so, make him feel you have new friends, he will start looking for your face. I think he is always going to his side chics house in the name of hangout this one he isn't touching you
DeleteAs for me. I stopped being physically available and i also stopped being emotionally available. No more feelings from me only when he inpresses me to death
DeletePoster,firstly
ReplyDeleteStart sleeping in the same room with your husband!...
It bond you guys together!..
Teach your kids how to stay alone in their rooms!...
In marriage,you need a thick skin so as to be ignoring some things!...
Get something doing like business or something so you won't have time to be monitoring your oga at the top...
Most men likes to hang out with their friends to take one or two glasses of alcohol after a day job..
Please don't deprive him of that!...
How I wish my husband can start hanging out like yours...I would be very very happy!..
after using pigeon on his head, why will he see reasons to hangout? is that one a man again? Hes more like Reek in GOT.
Delete#Sickmind
When you don wash toto for the girl. No be man again. Enjoy being the head and her the tail.
DeleteQueen queen! The only Queen of SDKB. Me I agree with children staying in their room. When I was small if one parent hasn't travelled and is thoroughly missed, we have no business dia. The 'mummys room' was for her extra clothes because we knew where she slept. Don't bring seperate rooms matter near your home. Or children in bed with you.
DeleteAlso, do you guys go on vacations? Nne try go on vacay with him. At least once a year. Traveling alone helps you stay by yourself and even love yourself more. So how much more travelling with hubby? See all this work work and no travel, regular life etc can really affect your relationship. Drop the kids with parents and arrest your husband with vacation. Let's see who he will go and drink beer with those few weeks. By then you will have his full attention and then you can discuss things bothering you. Let him too tell you what the issue is.
Thirdly, if that's not working you too get some alone time. I think you're just always there at home. Maybe you should pretend like you too have found a hubby like on saturday/Sunday evenings when he's at home with the kids. Wear your shorts/leggings and fall out. Just tell him you'd be back that you're going for a chatty evening with the girls. That's its usually weekends when he's home to watch the kids for you. When He asks, tell him it's not an issue because you have cooked the food and cleaned the house and done everything a good wife should do. He might get jealous, and want to talk about it. Then you table your case better cos he would be feeling what you felt all these years (this is actually what I would do)
Lastly, womanizing and beer parlour gatherings go hand-in-hand. His friends don't seem to be too influence. I'm not saying he's cheating ooh. But, it would be hard to ignore that bit esp when he doesnt rush you when he comes home. Hehehe. Sex is your right as his wife he can't be starving you. I hate when I hear married do that nonsense.
Also try blocking him at his joints.... you know.... look hot and fall in there. Try connecting through the 'find my iPhone' app. Know his location and fall in. If it's a small town you would know all the correct joints. Make sure you look hot oh! Cos you never know you might meet competition.
Delete*hobby
Delete*friends don't seem to be good influence
Poster pls you are focusing too much on the man. Focus on yourself. If he can't make u happy,make yourself happy. Find a support women's biz group and join . do something,take online courses. What are your hobbies, do them and ignore him. He will definitely cone back to you I can assure you..
DeleteNote that if you start going out more, he is going to fight you over it but stand your ground. Tell him you have so much to offer the world and make an impact than just sitting at home
Ugegbe Chike Teflon!!...
DeleteOur wife..I dey hail oh
Don't try to force a grown man to change, ask ciara, u can't change him,he's used to hanging out, you either keep dealing with it as you've been doing for 7yrs , or use your hand n chase him more by making home unbearable with beef.
ReplyDeleteMstchew, how can a normal person be hanging out everyday? As in everyday? You should have addressed this issue at the early stage of your marriage and nipped it in the bud.
DeleteMy husband's friends do not like me and I don't care. I can no longer tolerate their excesses and DH and I started having issues and arguments till he adjusted and kept them at arms length.
2 useless fools who couldn't manage their homes and let their wives leave out of frustration.
Not saying your hubby shouldn't hang out with friends but everything should be done reasonably. He can do every Friday, which one is everyday? Abeg, babe is involved joo.
I am spending time with hubby and one idiotic friend will just call and invite him to a party even when he does not know the celebrant or show up at my door step without calling??
I told my husband , you are no longer a bachelor oh, I love you so much but I cannot cope.
Your home is what you want and make of it, if the other wives are not complaining,too bad, let him know you not comfortable with his vices. Don't die in silence or pain jare.If you were doing the same will he like it??Being responsible is not only about providing for the home!!!
Ehn we will going out together now, no long story
ReplyDeletePoster your problem is "Quickie"
ReplyDeleteIf I say laa ya otu chalu oku now to make him come back home early asking for more they will complain.
Ngwanu poster they say make I tell you that sex is not food, inugo?
Start a business or get a job to focus your energy on it and leave your husband and his friends.
Your husband's lifestyle is what we call oya mmalu aru in Igbo language, so you can't change him. He will only change when he want.
It just might NOT be a bar/lounge he hangs out as he made u bliv... a man without erectile dys. wouldnt go 3months without longing for intimacy, dead or alive libido, when u dont look like his sister, lol.. Somethg or Someone that catches his attention way more than the furnitures in his home is taking the better time of him, & u probably dont snoop.
ReplyDelete#Getbusy.
Its who he is, only old age changes such ppl.
Atheist ooo. I just commented and your exact thoughts are in my head.
DeleteA man will do or say anything to get inbetween a woman's thighs or to get married to someone he wants to.
ReplyDeleteThat character he exhibited during courtship will stay throughout marriage irrespective of whatever he says. courtship is a time the man tries to impress. If he couldn't impress then, then he will not impress ever.
Get to be innovative and liaise with those other wives that are good to see how you can keep your husbands at home. The issue here is that in those bars/joint are where scantily clad girls come to prowl and tie men to immorality.
Well, all is not black and white. some people actually changed after marriage sha. Like the whole 'married man' shut dawned on them. But it's usually for minor habits (like workaholics who like to do extra time) not major ones. Some even change after they have the first child.
DeleteYes some change like mine change after our first child came
DeleteMen don't change after marriage. They just tag you a nag when you complain. So to avoid being called a nag just don't marry a man you can't manage his character or attitude.
ReplyDeleteCorrect! 👍
DeleteIn summary, marry a man you can manipulate?
DeleteYou can never change a man/ in fact anyone. The best you can do is show/give them cogent reasons why they should change. The rest is up to them and God.
2 kobo, go back to school. Where is anything that looks like manipulation in that comment?
DeleteChidinma I think is saying marry a man you can tolerate, not marry a man you can manipulate. That is when you notice some things in courtship you cannot abide by, don't turn a blind eye and go ahead to marry, thinking he will change after marriage by magic.
DeleteOhhh! I see my error. I could have sworn I read "marry a man you can change" not what's up there. My apologies Chidinma...Anonymous 17:18- gladly, which school Pls???
DeleteYou said exactly what I wanted saying Stella.
ReplyDeleteTry to do things he likes..
Tell him you wanna learn video games with him, he should teach you.
Plan nice outings for both of you.
Do fun things.. .
Organise dinners....
Invite his friends over to watch match may be during lunch or dinner..
In the end singles, pls don't start what you cannot finish. Marriage isn't a guarantee someone would change. Some people like hanging out so much that marriage cannot change it.
I have a friend like that. His mom would ask him if he is ill anytime he returns early but in his case, he especally loves watching football with friends and he likes his woman by his side after which they can go home or anywhere
God give me a man that wants me by his side. Amen and thank You.
DeleteAnon na wa for you oooo. Jeje get a spare dick because men of nowadays are almost all fucklikant
DeleteThere is most likely a tight young "hole" that he is browsing outside.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe that those other wives are happy. Don't you have a friend among them to ask how she feels and what strategy?
Above all, pray and always remember that he was like this and you saw him and married him. Marriage don't change men, men change when they get saved and believe in God's word above all other things.
Do not fret for it only leads to evil. Watch and pray.
Get a Job madam. Once you do trust me you I'll barely notice him.
ReplyDeletePerson no dey die follow man or marriage this days.
Poster, do this. The problem is not your man, the problem is you are easily accessible, he knows he would meet you exactly where he has kept you. I say this always I refuse to be a full housewives even when my hubby is the richest man in the world, i would still make sure i have something doing not for the money but for him to know I also have a life outside of him.
DeleteHe has a life outside of your marriage but you don't, that's the issue here.
Have a supermart and go to work even if for three hours let him see you all dressed up leaving the house from Monday to Friday. Then on weekends hang out with your girls or join an association in your church.
Ignore him a little, while making your self look extra beautiful. Use the push him away while pulling him in tactics and things will turn around, men want what they can't Have, you were the real deal back then for it was hard to pin you down, that was why he chased you but now you are just bleh for he has total access to you so don't make it easy for him still make him chase you while acting like you doing nothing.
Most women gets married then relaxes, failing to realise that the struggle continues.
The struggle to make him want you, chase you, make him jealous and also letting him know you are the best thing after milkshakes.
Poster suggest to be following him every evening and stand ur ground! Get one of ur younger sisters to come around n help Atleast for a month. Once it's 5pm, Knack ur jean and better makeup and hair then coarce him for evening hangout. O ga agba Oso ndu. Trust me. Mtcheew
ReplyDeleteDear lonely wife, stop being sad. Have you considered the fact that your husband might feel the same way as you? You long to be desired, he probably does too. Initiate intimacy if you want it. You have the right access his johnny walker when you feel the need to imbibe. Start making the little time you have with him quality. Have drinks with oga at home on a Tuesday night, make pepper soup and have an indoor date night with him on a weekday. Stop acting as if your kids are your life. Make yourself happy by finding things other than kids and husband to fulfill your life's destiny. Please send those kids to their bedroom and get back into the same bed and bedroom as your husband. I often wonder how women turn their husbands into roommates by having different bedrooms then complain that oga is distant. You have put yourself in a friend zone abi mummy zone. Who wants to kojilate with their mother?
ReplyDeleteWhat a lot of people don't understand is that it's at such joints that deals get done and connections made. Be you Lawyer, Engineer, Architect, Businessman, etc, going out to lounges, bars, golf club, and the like, are actually the best places to meet people and network.
ReplyDeleteSo if your husband is always home, it's either he's already super made or he just doesnt have hustle spirit to grow in life.
Ehnn... So it will now be everyday abi? *yimu* I'm sure you're a guy looking for excuses. Golf club is even good. Classy outing, burn calories in the course. Not bar drinking beer and gaining pot belly all in the name of 'connection'. Yuck! Have you seen dangote, adenuga and otedola at quilox drinking and jesting everyday? The real 'connectors' hang out in style. Leave matter.
DeleteYou can hang out without drinking. As for some of those men you mentioned, have you noticed that they attend every event thrown by people of note in Nigeria. The hustle never stops for them.
DeleteIt's all levels to this sha.
Also some people just like hanging out with their friends, the kind of conversations they can have in such places will never happen if it's at one of their homes where their wives ears go de like antenna.
Lmaooo story story golf club ko! Shut out ni. Poster don’t listen to his person o.
DeleteIf your man is going to golf where your own shoe, wear tuck in t shirt and follow him. Have you ever been to Any Recreational Center in Lagos, boat club, lakowe golf, eko Hotel etc what your eyes or Have you ever been to eko Hotel Mexican Resturant on Wednesday? I don’t think so. Half of the people there married and single are dressed in work outfit straight from work o “networking” and “connecting” with ready to mingle.
As a married man he can have one of those type of your connecting meetings but is it everyday? If he is principled why would someone even know you have a family and invite you out every other day abeg! Otedola etc are not faithful either go and ask nana what she is seeing in that marriage (so they cannot be use as case study here)
hmmn....theres more to it seeing that you guys barely even get intimate....theres something keeping him outside other than the guys.
ReplyDeletePlease why would you stylishly ask someone you about to marry if he would spend time with you? You should be able to ask him any question directly after all marriage is not a temporary arrangement. If you had asked this and other pertinent questions directly 7 years ago, you won't be here asking us to decipher your husband's state of today. Do your due diligence...do your homework to avoid stories that touch
ReplyDeleteMen but why? Madam maybe you should start hanging out with your husband. Just as long as your husband is not gay there is hope. Don't know if you are team snoop, because you are not in the know of what is going down, if anything.
ReplyDeleteThe problem with most Nigerian married women is that once they get married they automatically end their life's they stop living and start existing because of man Matter. Pls don't be too emotionally dependent get busy, some of you don't have a life anymore you make your husband your father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, Aunty everything when his not God he will one day feel choked get a life outside your spouse and children be busy he will be the one looking for your attention because the little time you both have he will want to use it judiciously and not waste it with end time friends.
DeleteThe problem with most Nigerian married women is that once they get married they automatically end their life's they stop living and start existing because of man Matter. Pls don't be too emotionally dependent get busy, some of you don't have a life anymore you make your husband your father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, Aunty everything when his not God he will one day feel choked get a life outside your spouse and children be busy he will be the one looking for your attention because the little time you both have he will want to use it judiciously and not waste it with end time friends.
DeleteI hope he is not gay??? I once dated a guy with exactly this lifestyle, turns out he was gay... This is the exact way closet homosexuals live with their wives. Him hanging out 5/6 days a week is bad enough but not touching you for months??? You having to initiate sex and not feeling desired? That's a huge red flag right there!!! If a woman was in the picture you would probably have known by now but because it's only the boys whom he hangs out with, you assume all is well...
ReplyDeleteI hope he is not gay??? I once dated a guy with exactly this lifestyle, turns out he was gay... This is the exact way closet homosexuals live with their wives. Him hanging out 5/6 days a week is bad enough but not touching you for months??? You having to initiate sex and not feeling desired? That's a huge red flag right there!!! If a woman was in the picture you would probably have known by now but because it's only the boys whom he hangs out with, you assume all is well...
ReplyDeleteI hope he is not gay??? I once dated a guy with exactly this lifestyle, turns out he was gay... This is the exact way closet homosexuals live with their wives. Him hanging out 5/6 days a week is bad enough but not touching you for months??? You having to initiate sex and not feeling desired? That's a huge red flag right there!!! If a woman was in the picture you would probably have known by now but because it's only the boys whom he hangs out with, you assume all is well...
ReplyDeletePoster,I really feel for you!
ReplyDeleteI'm just speechless!
Madam, I advise you create some social activities for yourself a couple of evenings during the week. Join a gym, volunteer to a cause, something along those lines to keep your mind positively active. Men like your Hubby are bar flies and if you force him into changing his habits, he might take it out on you negatively. I guess if you were working or running a biz, you wouldn't be that bored. Enticing him and his friends with refreshments will not work, Bar pepper soup and beer dey taste different and dem no go feel free to gist d kain gist wey dem dey gist outside with you and d kids in the house.
ReplyDelete...xactly, it wouldnt work!
DeleteThat smoke filled atmosphere & skimpy wears, cleavages on display, wouldnt let them change venue... u fit play loud music for ur house?
Just bring the bar to the house. Does he enjoy watching ball. Sit with him and watch together. Serve him cold beer or wine and occasionally invite his friends over. Move back to the room every night. The kids should learn to sleep alone and respect mummy and daddy's privacy. Look sexy everytime and see. If your husband does not change my dear you have a rival.
ReplyDeleteThat said occassionally let him hang out with the guys and once in maybe a month go with him.
Bar to which house, please? So my children would see uncle John and uncle Paul getting drunk with daddy? Laughing and jesting past their bed time? So they would start sipping small alchy when no one is watching? And immitating daddy's friends?
DeleteLeave him alone, you can't change a grown man. He will come by some day.
ReplyDeleteAwww try and fix yourself up with a job.
ReplyDeleteThis your husband will not change o. Dont nag him too much. Just dont complain and whine....men dont like it.
ReplyDeleteIts a new dawn for me
Hey babes I miss you here. Motherhood is taking you away from us. Good to have you here today.
DeletePoster first, u hv a strike a balance between being a mum and wife (find a way to ensure u n ur hubby start sleeping in d same room)
ReplyDeleteStart up some sort of house to house hosting with his friends and their families. What I mean is, first, u invite his friends and families over for dinner
Mk sure u prepare well for them especially the men and the kids.
Find a way for the men to hv their privacy while at it(very very important). Make sure their brand of drinks are available. Mk sore assorted meat too(like d varieties in those joints)
Ensure d kids enjoy themselves too.
In all, endeavour each person go back home feeling satisfied(with food and fun)
While they are still there, initiate d idea of someone else hosting(u can sweet tongue d wives into it bcx, obviously, they might be experiencing same isshh so they can easily oblige).
This suggestion might not work majic immediately, but with time, things might turn around bcx even d kids will keep talking abt d fun they had and how they wish it continues.
In another way, why don't u join him to go hangout sometimes? But u must not complain .even if u want to, not immediately while u guys are still there (if not, he will never take u along again) u can do subtle correction much much latter.
Hope this helps
He will not change n you better dont nag him into another woman arm. That is if he is not browsing another tiny pussy already. The bear parlour setting is all about alcohol, music, assorted pepper soup, roasted fish, isi ewu etc not forgetting a woman n lots of spending. He spends roughly 3k daily on this. A colleague of mine was into same life when i join my current place of work. Dude spend not less than 10k a day accompanied by old laddies.When he ask me out, i decided to follow him there one or two times, then i made a list calculating his spending per day, i then multiply by the number of years he was employed in the organisation. I then told him i was expecting him to have his own house by now, not a rented apartment.So therefore, i cant date you. The guy has been off the bear parlour for 1 year now. He gave me a gift saying i open his eyes n he cant believe what his account balance is reading n now he has a land n is developing it. i was happy for him meanwhile the old aunty gwags in the office are angry with me bc i put some sense into their free enjoyment ticket head.
ReplyDeleteMadam, get yourself occupied with business or job, also make your own friends, get a nanny, go out sometimes too and make sure your husband knows you do so. In fact, come home later than he does sometimes. After a while he will be forced to stay home to monitor you. Don't depend on anyone for your happiness. Believe in God.
ReplyDeleteWoman! A young fresh girl is out there impressing him. Probably giving him anal join(don't mean to hurt your feelings but that's just the truth).
ReplyDeleteMen that hangs out a lot are always in the company of other girls(side Chic), they feel since they're providing all you(the wife) needs, they have the right to go/hangout any how and any time they want.
Some times, no matter what you do, how hard you try, he may likely not change.
Don't push yourself beyond your limit cos he may still have a way of outsmarting you into going out.
And who says his friends wives don't complain?
They may have given up to face their children cos it didn't yield any good result while some are still battling it like you.
Maybe, you should take it to God in prayers for God to make him experience something very bad in the bars or friends he is hanging out with.
He need to experience something bad to learn his lesson.
*Don't call me wicked cos some people need to learn the hard way in order to have sense.
You need a life. You married women sometimes keeps friends away and when hubby doesn't do same you get bored and angry. Rekindle your friendships or make new ones. If you want sex, initiate sex. His libido is down and that's normal for men around his age .
ReplyDeletePoster you don't have problem.
ReplyDeleteIt is a habit, so it will be hard for him to stop.
Start teaching your kids how to sleep in their room.
Start a business or get a job and put all your energy into it.
#If uncertainty is unacceptable to you, it turns into fear. If it is perfectly acceptable, it turns into increased aliveness, alertness, and creativity*
ReplyDeleteI need to appreciate my husband more.He works offshore and when he is around he can never go out.We have been married for four years and he has never gone out past 5 or we go out together.God bless you hubby i pray you dont change.I can imagine how lonely the poster feels.
ReplyDeleteNa real wah. I don’t expect mine home till 8/9 or 10. Always claim work and looking for money. It is well.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂 abeg noake me laugh lol
DeleteI concur with Yori Yori suggestions but also tag one of your children along. Get ready before him and tell him let's go there. If he wants to leave by 9pm tell him you want to stay till 12am. By the time all of you do it together for one week he will adjust by force
ReplyDeleteAm going through same now. My marriage isn't even up 2 a year I beg my hubby 4 sex, i ve snooped but I didn't find anytin. D worst was last week I had 2 remove a pregnancy cos of my health, after I finished 4rm d hospital I came back home alone til he got home like 10pm he later told me he wants 2 meet a frd 4 business I shld give him 30mins I asked can't it wait til 2moro he said no he won't stay long. As he was leaving I told him after 30mins i don't see u i Wil lock d door he said 1h nau I said ok, do u knw my useless husband came back 6am d next day I cried throughout d nite all beg or d fool wanted 2 go 2 club 2 see olamide. I vowed since dat day I Wil neva stress myself cos of him like washing his clothes cos if I die cos of stress d idiot Wil stil club dat same day..
ReplyDeleteHe couldn't even feel bad dat we jus lost a pregnancy. Dis nite I already ve a date wit an ex fling and i might fuck him. He has really pushed me and i want 2 start cheating on d idiot let's see who wins.
U lost a pregnancy last week and you are ready to have a fling with your ex immediately? And did you just say you might fuck him?Oh dear!!,
DeleteI don't advise newly married women to cheat!...
DeleteCheating should start after you must have finished giving birth to the number of kids you want!...
See,if your husband catch you cheating now,he will never forgive you oh!...
Infact,he will chase you out of the house and broadcast the shit!...
But if he catch you cheating after you must have given him all the children he want,he will forgive you and endure cos he knows you have nothing to lose!...
Infact,he will be the one begging you to stop!...that you are disgracing him blah blah blah!...
Meanwhile,early cheating might make you to get pregnant for someone that is not your husband!...
So forget about your ex!...
Focus on getting pregnant and having your babies sharp sharp so you can start your own flexing!!...
Chike onye uwa!..
DeleteKee way?..
And if after you do all these and it's not working.... Kukuma die for him. Shebi you are a woman and a woman is supposed to keep her man and home.
ReplyDeleteYou too sabi Her Excellency. Poster if you like goan sacrifice yourself on the cross for him.
DeleteHis side chick is keeping him busy. 3 months without sex? Hian.
ReplyDeleteThe guy is gay.
DeleteJust joined the house,hope I would love n have fun in dis blog?and as for d poster,leave ur hubby alone let him go out..as long as his comin home everyday n nt sleeps out then what are you worried abt?when u hear some people own,am sure u wld be happy bcos u don't even have problem
ReplyDeletePoster.....please leave your hubby to hustle in peace. Why do you people like creating trouble where there's none. Enjoy his money with your kids and stop disturbing your beautiful head about him.....women and their wahala......
DeletePlease don't take chikito's advice o. That one is a runs girl, take advice from married women.
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂
DeleteY'all play too much
Dear poster mine is like th sat too.except in my case he always wants me to go out with him most of the evenings which I object to.I don't like meeting people and he knows that.he will give me the address and location of the place he's hanging out and call me to join which I don't like doing.it's very difficult to change people.Please let God handle this for you.remove suspicion from your mind so u can live a healthy life
ReplyDeleteKai that's sad. Not just for you but also the kids. Been married over 7 years and if hubby isn't at work, he is at home with us or sleeping lol. Every now and then when colleagues invite him out, I have to beg him to go. His brothers are married and the same way.
ReplyDeleteProb was you should have handled this during courtship, 7 years later is too long. Does he even know how the kids are doing in schl, has he ever helped with homework? Some ppl think being a father is the same as being a dad. He is missing out on so much. Ppl are here saying date nights but no one is talking about the lack of being actively involved in raising his kids.
Do you think someone else has got his time and attention out there? Any signs ? Have u snooped? Anyways, I think the problem stems from u also being too available, n probably laid back, you should also indulge itself, either with work or a business, weekends go out, especially when u know he would be home so he can know how it feels to be left alone. I'm sure he would have a change of heart, if he does u can now slow down n plan, Friday date nights, Saturday movie nights, then surprise him some weekdays with candle light dinner, or better still when u see him dressing up to go out u dress up n follow him.
ReplyDelete