Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FROM FRYING PAN TO FIRE!
Please permit me to pour out my mind......
Please permit me to pour out my mind......
through out my youth days,i stayed with my grandmother,it took me a while before realising she isn't my mum, due to her age and the place we were,no proper upbringing, anything i do,she doesn't complain or scold me much,at a certain age,the male tenants started abusing me sexually but i saw nothing wrong in it cos i was so naive...
I got admitted to one of the polytechnics and left her place,then, i have known whom my parents are but discovered my mum to be the social type who doesn't care about her children, my dad on the other hand was trying but he can't do much cos of health issues..
I managed to wrap up my OND with the help of God and little support from my dad and decided to remain there to start afresh,at 26,i met this man who promised me heaven and earth..
At 27 i got pregnant for him then the drama started, he flew and never looked back,i searched and cried ,yet nothing positive came out...
At 28,i gave birth to a beautiful girl with no father around or any of my family help cos in my family,everybody is on your own,i started struggling with my life with a job of #8,500 monthly, i only have this friend(male) who has been with me even bf i gave birth, he stood by me thru thick and thin in my journey...
Fast forward to 2015,he (my male friend) proposed to me and i foolishly accepted his proposal thinking i know him too well,he took me to his family and they all accepted me while mine rejected him cos he is a hustler but i think we know and understand each other so well.
one thing i noticed was that his aunt and mum tried to ask if i can so tolerate his excesses, not knowing they're trying to warn me...
We got married late last year and early this year,the problem started, he doesn't want my child in the house,anytime he is around,my child will either be in the kitchen or balcony. I tried talking to him and he promised to change but nothing has happened,my loving and brilliant child has now turned to a slave,and there is no good relationship between us again cos i try to balance things....
To cut it all short,i am pregnant now and not really at peace,i am considering aborting this child cos i don't have peace in this marriage, he may decide to send my girl away when his child arrives,i am really so confused,he has never given me a dime to take care of her,and i quit working cos the pregnancy...
Please help me before i loose it,i am now 33 but can't think my age at all.
*This is what i call running from frying pan into fire!!!...I understand that your growing up environment was wrong and you lacked love,so you compensated with sleeping around and ended up marrying with your eyes closed.
The mistake has been done but do not make the ultimate one by aborting the child....have the baby and if he throws out your girl,then you can leave with your two kids..start making some kind of arrangement.Have a plan B..
DONT ABORT:
You better pack your bags, take your daughter and get away from that hell hole called marriage
ReplyDeleteWhy should your child suffer because you found companionship with an irresponsible man?
What you want to do with your pregnancy is your business but get away from that husband of yours. A man who cannot love your child as his own does not love you.
You are a victim of bad parental care and upbringing. Don't let your kid expand the circle.
Bloglord I love your comment 100%. No need waiting for tge inevitable, take you child and leave that hell of a marriage before he kicks her out or starts molesting her. Cow were no get tail na God dey help drive fly away...
DeleteIf i have a place to go,i would ve long gone bf i got hooked,i wish i can share her before and now pics but God knows best
DeleteThe guy might be a paedophile, that might be why he waited patiently for you to have the child. Luckily, he is afraid of pursuing his plans and is then transferring his frustration disguised as hatred, towards the child.
DeleteOh dear 😞 poster I know your pain. It happened to my aunt ,but her own is better because my mum (GOD bless that woman) took her daughter ( my cousin) and trained her . We just took her as our last baby. She's about to enter uni,we are helping mum to train her. Had it been you have a close knit family,they should have helped you with your child while you "balance" financially. Plz look for ways to make money oh!, you need to train your child. Na wah for your mum oh! Some mothers though!
DeleteThis is a difficult one, I am really tongue tied
DeleteThis is it!
DeleteIt never ends well to open legs before bride price is paid.
The only person you have to cry to now is God
But if you kill that child in your womb, you pitch yourself against him
There is still hope girl but don't tamper with that kid
It will not make the man love you or your child more
It will breed hatred and more murder possibly
Get him to know that if he can't love your daughter,
Then the marriage may not work
He knew you had a daughter when he came to marry you.
Such story really can find you a helping hand if you leave your numbers, you never know where your helper is coming from until you try. Goodluck
Delete@bloglord
DeleteI disagree with this part "What you want to do with your pregnancy is your business"
Its not her pregnancy alone. She better not tamper with it so the chronicle dosent turn suicidal.
Halaba.
Poor child .
DeleteWhat are you doing with someone that can't marry you and your child?...
ReplyDeleteI see what happend to you repeating in the life of this your child if you continue to live with this man...
Me I love my children that I can't trade them with any man!!...
For instance,if I decide to divorce my husband today I will never never remarry!...
My advise is for you to get something doing,give birth to this child you are carrying and leave the nonsense marriage!...
The man is not even rich sef,so I wonder what you are doing with him!...
It's better to be a single mother than to be with a man that will molest and abuse your child in the future!...
Yes this your husband will molest your first child!...can we have a bet?...
I thought he was doing me a favour to marry me with a child because he's a single guy,my self esteem was so low
DeleteYes he will molest her child.. I feel pity for the poster cuz she's helpless, God help you..
DeletePoster, i really feel for you. But how can your own child look like a slave in your house. Arent u the person dat cook food at home, dish out food for her and give it to her in hiding.
DeleteAlso, when ever he sends your daughter to the balcony or kitchen, go n stay there with her. He has to understand that both of u is one package.
May God help you
@Zobbis... She should give her child food in hiding? U sound stupid.
Delete***Chy Ozo***
Chy Ozo you sound stupid for insulting someone over nothing. What am I even saying... You always sound stupid
DeleteOh Dear!!!! You need to calm down and talk to him... Your daughter needs you. Why did you even get married when you haven't rediscovered yourself? 😥😥😥
ReplyDeletelord settle her marriage with peace and unity ijn amen.
ReplyDeletePeople like that make you think they hate your child but might just be sexual predators in disguise.
ReplyDeleteMy dear.. Shied your girl with everything in you.
If things don't improve in your home, You might need to do whats best for that child. She can't grow up at the corridors or worse case scrnario on the streets.
Keep your baby.. These two might just be all you've got,for now.
*Shield
DeleteI swear I can bet with you @queen, he will definitely molest her child and I'm sure She'll rather stay married and allow her horseband molest her child than be single.
ReplyDeleteQueen u said my mind. If that man of yours doesnt accept your baby girl, chances are he will likely abuse that child 1 way or the other, I'm sure you don't want ur baby growing up in that kinda environment and i wont advice you to send her away either, chances of abuse would even increase. Please my advise to you is to put your kids first! Do right by them, aborting isn't the solution. Many single mothers are doing well, see toyin lawani, single mother of 2, she's an entrepreneur, n hustler as well! I mean she is doing it all for her kids, not dependent on a man, so many others. if the marriage is a hell hole or would cost you your kids, move on n pick the pieces of your life.
ReplyDeleteI feel so sorry for your little gurl. pls don't let her experience what you passed through. the deed has been done and I won't advise you to abort your unborn baby as well.
ReplyDeletePoster, did you ask him how he felt about your daughter before u married him? Or you just assumed that since he stood by you during the pregnancy he was OK with her.
ReplyDeleteYou say your family is an 'on your own' kind of family? Please if you can abort this pregnancy and leave this marriage, it will be better because you have actually not gained anything from this marriage or have you??????
No peace of mind, love or care for your daughter, you basically don't even have money, so what do you stand to gain in this marriage?????
I wanted to tell her to abort d baby but many judginas will come for my head.. Many of them still do abortion in their husband's house yet they will come here and form saint..
DeleteMy elder sis is a nurse in a Private hospital.. She has seen many married couple come for D&C in their hospital. It's no big deal..
I'd rather she aborts d baby if it's not up to 3 months than suffer raising two kids alone as a single mom.
Yes I am a single mom raising a son.I know it has not been easy even with my little business talk more of someone without job or business.
Yes I have done abortions before and after marriage.. I have no regrets.I don't want to bring a child into dis world to suffer..
Oya u judginas should come and start quoting Bible passage for me.
It's only on dis blog they will tell u not to abort yet no one will be there when u start suffering.
DeleteDaz how I listened to Bvs two years ago and kept a pregnancy I should've aborted..Now i'm suffering and nobody here to help me out.Pls abort that child and be free from that demon u call husband. That child will be a bond between u two.U will keep going back to him when u start suffering and he won't let u rest as long as u are with his child.. He will soo frustrate u so much that u won't have any option than to send ur first child away and go back to him..D drama u will experience will be small compared to d one u were experiencing before.U were lucky ur first baby daddy isn't in d picture..
Nobody from dis blog will come and rescue u..U will be on ur own.
Mark my word,if u keep d pregnancy, u will remember this my comment when ur suffering will start.. Dont commit suicide and leave ur kids to suffer oh.
I have warned u oh.
I just read your story, and I tell you, I am very sad.
DeleteHold your ears and listen very well. It's already bad enough that your marriage is not working, please, I repeat please don't bring another child into this world just yet, you are all alone, with your daughter for now, I repeat, don't bring a baby into this world just yet.
And after the procedure, take your baby girl and if possible, move to another town, please, and don't be in a hurry to remarry until and unless you have something doing/finacial independence.
Don't abandon that baby girl of yours for a prick, shield and protect her Biko.
Even if you want to have sex, use protection.
Hustle and make a success for yourself and daughter.
I know that a good man will locate you soon.
Good luck.
And also the earlier you go for the procedure, the better for you.
Wishing you lots of courage and strength.
You are better off with a child, than 2, because if, (I hope you don't) you birth this one now, leaving becomes very difficult, and you might even be made to choose between your daughter and horseband.
DeleteAnd world people will tell you that you better go and settle with your horseband because of una pikin.
Save yourself unnecessary drama.
And you know, all those shouting don't kill your baby, bla bla bla,they won't allow their brother or child to marry you. Neither will they support you, na stipend they will be give you if ever they do.
Take this advice from someone that loves you and is being real with you.
Hehehehe. You guys have no chill whatsoever!
DeleteDon't wait until you give birth sef my dear. Leave now!!!!! The God that took care of you during the 1st pregnancy is still alive.
ReplyDeleteThat man is abusing your daughter. Please run with her now.
The caption says it all;
Deleteyou finished jumping before thinking
why think about abortion at all?
Did you court this man at all?
'
I just feel so sorry for your first child. Please shield that child before it's too late and don't abort the one on the way.
ReplyDeleteMarriage isn't gir everyone but happiness is for all. There is great danger if your child grows up in a hostile and unloving environment. Children who grow up in such environment never heal from the hurt. Now this is a cycle. It might affect her social interactions.
ReplyDeleteMy two cents is that don't abort. Wait till the foetus is born. If your hudnsbd continues the bad attitudes. There I'd a good excuse for you to leave him. And you can carry both children with you. Hr can't take a child who is breastfeeding from you.
However you need a good employment to care for them and a roof over your head and probably a good child minder in terms of church member or good neighbour that can take care of them free of charge while you look for daily bread.
Meanwhile you pray that they do not get sexually molested in their care
She should give her kids to neighbour?!! Ah! Madam! Una dey advice oh 🤔
DeletePoster, it's better to quit now & cry once than to remain & cry everyday, the tears will never run dry. The journey is too long to have a bad start like this. It could get worse. A stitch in time saves nine...
ReplyDeleteSo true
DeleteRemove that child biko remove d child and focuse on the one one you have.you don't even have money to take care of one,let alone 2. Remove that child if it's still early,getout of that house and get your life back. You can squat with someone,or leave that state where u are presently and start afresh.life is a risk you know?
ReplyDeleteThat's what I said up there. See how they are advicing her not to abort.. They always follow stella's footstep when it comes to advice yet when do abort their own pregnancy.. Go to hospitals and pharmacy stores that conduct D&Cs and see d rate married and single women do abortion these days.. Some even come with their husbands for it.. See how they are sounding as if they haven't done abortions before..Eveb Stella dat is talking.
DeleteThere is no big deal with doing abortion..Just go to a good hospital or pharmacy store and get it done.
Dis poster is about to enter fire if she stubbornly keep d pregnancy..
Please take this advice, it is coming from a place of love, I like keeping it real.
DeletePls how old is your child and where is ur location
ReplyDeleteAm not in support of abortion, but for the right reasons some things need to be done, all of u bvs telling her to keep the baby, are u going to partake in the upkeep of the child? I mean we are dealing with a child abuser and a possible sexual predator in disguise, this woman should be thinking of how to survive without that man and that would be very difficult with two children to take care of and no one to lean on fininacially, nuturing a child is not cheap, the poor child shouldnt be brought into a world of chaos and insufficiency, Poster i say this not with an iota of pride but if you need to abort do that, and pour in your energy on yourself and your baby girl give her the love you never felt and devout ur attention to her and make quick plans on how to flee from that man before he does more damage psychologically and emotionally to your girl.God bless.
ReplyDeleteI took d same advice from them when I was pregnant and kept it.now i'm suffering. Even d several mails I sent to Stella were ignored.If I had listened to my friend who asked me to abort, I wouldn't be in dis mess now. Raising a child is no child's play.
DeletePoster......I don't gerrit? He was there you gave birth and you didn't deem it fit to discuss where and how you will take care of your daughter if you marry him.
ReplyDeleteSee you're still new in the marriage, there are still somethings you can do to salvage the marriage. Discuss with him how much he can be giving you as house keeping allowance since you ain't working now.
He may be afraid to commit to taking over responsibility of your daughter since his own baby is on the way. Now is the time for you to take charge of your life and home. Be bold about it and start thinking like a 33 years old woman. Tell him this is how much you expect him to be giving you monthly.....and never abandon your child because of a man.
Leave the pregnancy ,God will see you through
Maybe he started hating d poor girl bcos she refused to be molested. Pedophiles are like dat. D poster should ask d daughter if her husband is touching her inappropriately.
DeleteDo not touch that pregnancy, if you have a relative where you can keep your daughter please keep her for now while you try to pretend that all is well for peace to reign now, milk your husband and save big so that you can give your daughter a good life.once you put to birth try and get a job so that you can have something to fall back at. All the best,every marriage has it own.
ReplyDeleteDid you even read this nonsense you wrote here.
DeleteGive out her daughter because she's dead?
And pretend that all is well.
Save big indeed, no be person way get/give money dem fit save?
In effect, choosing a dead prick over her daughter, you must be a horrible mother. @red wine
May sense fall on you.
Dear Poster, You choose a mam over your daughter.. You said you were molested while growing up yet you hv not learnt.. Your husband is molesting your daughter n uses fear to make her not speak. You are even worst than your mother, you are more selfish than ur mom.. how in God's name will ur child under your nose be going thru such n all you want is to be married even though its a psychopath.. keep letting history repeat itself.
ReplyDeletePlease no matter what you are going through do not abort the pregnancy. Seek for help and pray to God for help
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
DeleteI must comment by all means@ madam estateowner.
You for offer to give her one of your 'houses', at least it will be a prayer well answered.
Bia, poster don't listen to this yeye comment.
Make a decision and live with whatever the outcome is. All I know is that your first baby mustn't suffer for your mistakes. You have been there so how dare you want to make her go through that? All I know is that you need to start working again. Leave that foolish man. If I were you, nothing is going to connect me to that man. Do you but your baby girl deserves better.
ReplyDeleteMy fear is he has started molesting your daughter please check her
ReplyDeleteI'd rather bein aplace of happiness with my kids than be unhappy and miserably married !! Marriage gbakwa oku !!! Alll of you shouting marriage upandan when you die will God judge you based on your marital status ?No. can you take your marriage certificate to the bank ,job interview,market ,shop ,airport ,hospital ,death ,to pay for things ?!!! No . Marriage gbakwa oku !!
ReplyDelete