Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative

Na wah!!!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

WHEN A MOTHERS LACK OF LOVE MESSES UP A CHILDS LIFE:

Good day to you Madam Korkus.



This is my story. I am the first child of my dad but not one from my mum. She has 3 boys before me for a different person. She only declared the last one so my dad is not aware of the two previous ones.

My dad is a very nice and caring man but he only does things with my mums permission. For example can we do this thing. He will say ask your mum. Whatever she says. He is educated while she is not. I have four younger ones. My dad attends one of the orthodox churches. My mum attends none. We the children do anyone. 

I for instance grew up with my grandmother who is a Muslim so I practiced Islam. My dad agrees to everything so far its OK with mum.
All of us children are aware of our step brothers. How we got to know I can't really say. Though we cannot identify them facially nor in contact with them. But we know their names. We have never seen them. She is scared of contacting them so that my dad will not be in the know.

While in secondary school during holidays, I caught her three times putting something into my dads food after the visit of one Alhaji from Tapa.

The Alhaji is the one one she calls of we have baf dreams etc etc. Some people can relate.She can be very selfish and wicked especially if she has blacklisted you or needs you to do some things for her. For example when I was processing my admission into higher institution, she had just put to bed and she needed my assistance for chores and all. I was immediately asked to leave my grandma who took care of me from 3 months. She rarely visits. I dreaded her coming to see me. I can't write it all. She is full of drama like that.

We started living together meanwhile grandma was alone. After sometime her other children hired a maid for her.
When I gained admission in 2008. Mum said no hostel. I spent 1200 for transport then everyday without feeding. I live in the outskirts of Ogun state. My school was situated in the Outskirt of Lagos state. Mind you we live in a new site. Bushes everywhere. I leave the house 4am come back like 10pm and start doing house chore, cook etc.


I am the mumu of the house. I can be gentle and persevere like that. The other children will never take shit from her. I am soft hearted. My father was not aware. He works outside the state.

Why she does this to me. I have no answer. But history has it that after my birth I gave her a tough time. I fainted every morning. In other to save me I was given a big tribal mark with an axe by an herbalist. So yes I am the most ugly and because of the mark I look like plain Jane.

But yes I am the most brilliant and intelligent.

Along the line she started going to a white garment church not the popular ones o. A ministry. I also switched religion to a pentecostal church due to influence from the person I was dating at the time whom I am presently married to.
A lot of wahala during wedding because she insisted it had to be done in her Church. As a bride I won't wear shoe so also the groom and other guests. 

The reception will also gold there as well. The gifts that the couple will receive will be in the church alter for 6months. We will observe dry fast for 7 days after the next day after the wedding. That means honey moon will be postponed. I married a virgin, etc. So many rules. That was when my mother in law asked that if the couple were given car. They will drive it on top of the alter. She also asked them that where will they be preaching from. 

Before my wedding I attended there once in a while. She will threaten to curse me if I don't. Mind you I am above 18 then.
My self esteem is Zero in the presence of my mum. In anger she has said things like" I wish I have used you to to menses instead of giving birth to a dunce like you. I regret am your mum. You are the ugliest out of all my children ".Most tomes after breaking plates cause I am always clumsy when she is around. 

Mistakes I will not ordinarily make.

Even as a mother of one I am still like that. 

I remember a particular scene in primary days when I was on holiday. She had warned me that I must not go to toilet after eating. That I must always go before eating. So after eating on that particular day. I had the urge to poo. I didn't go to the toilet even in her absence. She went out.my younger sister kept urging me to go. I didn't o. She went to call some neighbours what was happening. (Then we were staying in face me I slap you house, toilet is outside.). I didn't go o. I kept insisting on mummy says I can't till I pooed on myself. Come see beating of my life that day. That's the extent of my Mum. More reason why I got married shaperly.

I did the wedding in her church.

Mind you she doesn't like hubby. No reason that I can point to
She said they told her in church that anybody who marries hubby has to marry his mum. I had no issue with that. She is a mum to me. In her I can truly define mother. Things my mum can NEVER do for me, she will do it effortlessly.
Now the reason I am writing this chronicle is that I just want to vent. I just came back from visiting her.

I gave her two crates of eggs . 

I buy only what I can afford. She finished me with insult. She said is this what my mates give their parents.
Mind you I am not workings. Hubby provides everything. Our baby is our priority We have no savings but by His Grace, we are able to eat and pay rent.By the Grace of God we are able to give her the best.

I have been able to hide things from my mother in law and hubby. They think we have good relationship. Hubby is suspecting though.
My marriage is also like one chance o but at least no physical beating. I can mànage it. What i go through from my mum is worse.

My hubby is very conservative. He is nive of he lets himself.If you report him. It will get worse. The first and last time I reported him to his mum. He became worse. His mum really tried but it a time bomb. I will never try it again.
This blog keeps me sane. I am able to laugh because of my daughter and Mrs Stella.

My prayer is I get a good job or capital for business.
However I am lonely I need friends. A whole lot. Good people though. No pity party. I just want to be sane for my baby. 

These days I forget things easily. I cry and think a lot.
I want to be there for my daughter. By the way next week is my birthday. I want to be happy so I needed to vent.

*I dont understand why some women birth kids and disconnect from them emotionally..I dont get it..Is it post natal trauma or what?Well you are an adult now and responsible for how you turn out...try to forget the past...try!!!