Ah *mouth open wide*
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CHRONICLE OF A DISTRESSED WIFE
I met my husband abroad and he has been a wonderful husband and a fantastic father to our two daughters.
Let me provide a little history on hubby. He is a twin , born and raised abroad.
The parents are both physicians with a successful practice and living a good life by all standards. I met hubby in medical school, we became close and the rest is history.
After the birth of my second daughter, i had female issues and had to go through a total hysterectomy. Hubby was looking forward to another child and preferably a male child but that is out the window now.
In laws are also eager for a male child but unfortunately the gate is closed from our side. The hope of getting a male child in the family lineage lays with hubbys twin brother, unfortunately he was diagnosed with azoospermia . To make things complicated hubbys twin brother is married to a spouse not from Nigeria.
Now she wants a baby too, she wanted to go to the sperm bank but she was discouraged by the parents in law, they prefer kids from the family. Hubby has now been asked to be a sperm donor for his brothers wife.
these are now my concerns:
1; What if the kid with the twin brothers wife is now a male child, he stands a great deal with inheritance from the grand parents than my two girl children.
( it a family of all physicians ) ?
2. Hubby once said his brothers wife has a body to die for, although he claimed he was joking that day, but how am i sure he will not start sleeping with her.?
3. Hubby has been asked for just one child as the sperm donor,, how do i know there will not be more children ?
4. how do i tell our daughters their cousins are not their cousins but their siblings ??
5. if the twin brothers wife has a male child, what will be my fate in the family ?
6. is it possible for me to tell hubby not to be the donor ? . In laws are comfortable with hubby as the donor, because they claim they are from a royal family and do not want a bastard in their lineage, they claim either my hubby or his brother, the kid will still be from the family.
7. BVs please advise me , what are the fate of my two girls especially since i cannot have any more babies.
Please spare my typos and language, this was done in haste.
*scratches head*
ReplyDeleteThere seems to be NOTHING you can do about these
DeleteTelling your husband not to donate will blacklist
you before your in laws even as he will eventually donate
Wisdom here is to identify this as one of "those things you can't change"
And allow God to handle it by being in good terms with him and praying/fasting.
Hmmmm...this sounds more Nollywood than real! this film "Behind closed doors" (starring RMD, Stella Damasus and Desmond Elliot) comes to mind.
DeleteAssuming this story is true o! Pls get a surrogate for whatever thing you guys want to do. Shebi it's royal blood they're trying to protect, biko go that route because Hmmmmmm, you allow a woman you know, with a 'body to die for' father the heir to the throne???? You are on shaky ground. That one na shoot bird mama fly 'tings' so my dear, let your husband hire the surrogate, he can afford it, do Sperm selection (you are in the land of the pioneers), harvest viable Sperm, insert the fertilized egg and wait. It's better an unknown person carry the baby.
For your brother in laws predicament? Pls tell him to go and pray and treat with herbs.
Exactly! Shebi you people have money? Please get a surrogate for yourself before your husband thinks of helping his brother out. Get a surrogate! Get a surrogate.
DeleteIt's not as if your husband can't donate but you sound a bit *competitive* for one your write up therefore it will cause problems even where there should be none.
GET A SURROGATE!!!
This is a battle u can't fight poster. He's his twin. No matter what happens, he will still donate his sperm to his brother's wife.
DeleteLet your husband's compliment to his brothers wife be your motivation.
Work on yur body too. U might be better than her if u do. And I don't think he will be stupid enough to start an affair with his brother's wife. Unless he's actually stupid.
Hiya... you have to object to this. You do not have to justify this to your in laws or his brother. The only person you have business with is your husband. Tell him you are not comfortable with it and don't want him to proceed. If they are that desperate to protect their "Royal blood "'their dad can be the sperm.
DeleteIf your hubby proceeds, and she bears a male child, even the brother's relationship is at risk. I think they are putting you and your hubby in a difficult situation. Say No to your hubby and smile if the parents raise it with you. I have been married long enough to know that my inlaws ask for things they won't want their daughter to do. Say No and protect your family.
Also pray !!! Good luck
Hmmmm
DeletePoster, please VOICE out your fears* to your husband! He will be mad at you, but don't keep it in and die in silence.
Once you voice it, no matter the final decision, majority of your fears won't happen again.
Secondly, since his family wants it in the family, let his DAD donate nah!
Or better still, let his own and dad's own be mixed, whichever sperm that wins the race becomes your brothers child and NOBODY should do DNA.
You can also try for a male child via surrogacy.
Finally, don't kill your self over things you can't change. Stay happy, take care of you and your girls. Save enough for your girls by yourself and leave the rest to God.
All the best!
Poster I think you have a major issue with yourself. You strike me as a gold digger and you married your husband because of his family's wealth. If the situation is turned around Will you be saying the same nonsense. You husband is not required to sleep with his brother's wife. Just a donor. You brought up a statement he made in isolation just to paint him bad. Why did he say his twin wife has a body to die for? Something brought the statement up and for him to have said it in your presence it must have been a harmless statement. You are so bothered about inheritance than bringing up your girls to be successful. If you in-laws are still in the dark days are you also stupid enough to believe your husband won't be richer and more successful than his parents not to now talk of your girls. It is short sighted, insecure women like you that draws back their husband and suppress their children potentials by telling them to look forward to the family inheritance rather than create their own wealth and success. Nothing is bad in your husband donating his sperm. He does not even need to be in the hospital while the twin wife is fertilized. It's a strictly labouratory procedure no sex or physical body contact required by the two. And he will be doing the whole family a favour.
DeleteSURROGACY!!!!
DeleteShe can't get a surrogate bcos her womb was removed from the operation and with that she's no longer menstruating and without menstruating there is no ovulation so she doesn't have eggs.. so she can't get a surrogate.
DeleteI have a question for ths poster.
DeleteWhat if the twin and his wife had their own son or sons? Would you still be worried about this "inheritance"?
Sod you pray for them not to become parents so that your daughters can take all the "imaginary inheritance"?
Do you trust your husband at all?
Does he need to sleep with her to donate this sperm?
Anọn 18.10 menstruation has nothing to do with production of eggs... Womb has nothing to do with production of eggs. Ovaries are still intact from her story because she had a hysterectomy and not a 'salpingo-oopherectomy with hysterectomy'
DeleteNo wonder Nigeria is like this too many stupid people.so how can stupid people get a leader that is not stupid? Poster I don't have advise for you cos na God they punish you. You were happy the twin could not have kids of his own hence your own kids will take it all,but you see God knows our heart so e made sure he give you a full stop in having a son. Wicked Egyptian woman. Like say I know ur husband I for push for him to kick you out.
DeleteWow. Anon 18:10, it is well with you. I don't know what else to tell you.
DeletePoster you are truly in a fix. This is difficult.
Excuse me, is a surrogate not a different person entirely? Just the person that carries tge fertilized egg? What are you saying anonymous 18:10 and 18:48? You people confuse the hell outta me sometimes.
DeleteHmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ReplyDelete*Claps hand*
Kpekele Kpekelee, Arugbo je gbese tani o suh
This one is hard!!!!
But he doesn't have to sleep with the woman to be a donor, does he??
He doesnt have to. But since her hubby is already saying she has a body to die for,then thats a red flag. They might just decide to start doing it in secret sooner or later.....afterall they are soon to be 'parents'.
DeleteCant they use a surrogate mom?
DeleteI dont have advice for the other lady,she can remarry, adopt(oh! I forgot,your inlaws will call the kids bastards),or choose to stay with her hubby like that.
Ndi royal blood. Your inlaws are educated illiterates.
DeleteCookie pele,i took up your space.
No P Shantelle, I no Kuku get anything to say before..... Hehehehehehe
Delete😘😘😘😘😘
Focus on your girls and try to give them the best legacy
ReplyDeleteSimple, short and gbamest!!!
DeleteLife is too short to be thinking of inheritance mbok. Work hard and secure your children's future. If hubby likes let him impregnate his mother.
I tire o. See medical doctor day talk like wetin i no know. Empower urself and kids.
DeleteBless ur soul Anony 1 and 2....
DeleteEXACTLY!! Nobody has to leave your daughters an "inheritance" for you. Give them the best legacy. Your husband doesn't need to sleep with the woman to get her pregnant. Get his sperm yourself for them.
DeletePoster you're the most greedy person in this world. So selfish tht you care of no one else but your self and I'm very sure your from a very poor home.your not happy your husband is going to have what you can't give him from his brothers wife. The family loves you and that is why they have not asked your husband to marry another wife. So it either you let him or they will forget about the twin and get another wife for your husband. Mumu.
DeleteTontjinkmthaybubstay anroad nd u are talking of inheritance is sickening
DeleteNa wao,see gbeje, even if u don't allow him to be the sperm donor, he will definitely get another girl pregnant cos the family needs a male child, start saving money for your daughter's cos ur marriage is about to hit the rock.
ReplyDeleteI share your thoughts because if living abroad didn't change their minds from our local tradition then trouble might be brewing at the end of this issue
DeletePls start saving money because you might be left out and dry one day soon
LEP😛
Eyah
ReplyDeletePoster please why are you eyeing your in laws inheritance, why don't you raise your daughters to be great women and make their own money abi na you wan kill your in laws? Secondly why are you already suspecting your hubby will start sleeping with the woman, is your hubby a dog? And even if he is did the lady tell you she has any interest in your husband abi will he use juju to convince her. If you were in this woman's shoes, will you sleep with your husbands twin. I am more concerned with your negative reasoning than the actual chronicle. Please keep your hubby to yourself if you don't want to help someone in need, if they get a surrogate and it's a boy will he not still inherit his grand parents wealth?
DeletePoster,are your in laws Christian at all?...
ReplyDeleteHow can they suggest such abomination?...
My advise is for you to allow your husband to get married to another woman!...
Don't be selfish and greedy mehn!...
You should focus on raising your daughters well so they can be useful to you!...
Leave another person's wealth and face yours!!...
Another advise
You can also come back here and knack pigeon on their heads so they will stop thinking about the lineage whatever!...
It works oh!..
Nice 1 from the queen👌 but I will prefer him to be the sperm donor dan to marry another wife. Everyone knows that the woman is his twin bro wife so for dat reason I don't think the husband can have his way , if at all he finally did but it's going to be a hide and seek game u know?....... madam poster fuck inheritance! We're now in civilised world. Train up your kids the way they can become their own boss! Save and invest for them! After all your in-laws also work hard to be who dey are today!
DeleteLol
DeleteHer in-law need pigeon knacking seriously.
So una carry una mentality of male more important from Nigeria to abroad?
ReplyDeleteSome people are just looking for a child, God gave you two daughters and yet still complaining about having male child? Na wa o...
I am a man though..
Are u married to igbo people? Sounds like it. They and all their male child nonsense.
ReplyDeleteI don't see anything wrong with ur hubby as sperm donor. Y should he sleep with the brothers wife. There's artificial insemination or am i not getting you? You need to trust ur hubby. You are over thinking things. Your kids don't need to know anything maybe till their old enough to understand everything but i don't see the point at all. If the baby ends up a male, you can do IVF with a surrogate. Select the gender and insert into the surrogate if this wiĺl make u more certain of ur kids future. Talk to ur husband about it
👍👍
DeleteIs this what marriage is? In laws calling the shots because they are rich? Wau it can never be me.
ReplyDeleteYou're fighting for inheritance that isn't even available yet and you didn't work for. What happened to training your children and ensuring that they live to earn their own money rather than crying about some inheritance that can vanish if God deems it fit.
I don't have anything to tell you than to communicate with your husband, their other ways of having kids order than sleeping with his brother's wife in the name of keeping it in the family.
Why are you even married to someone who you don't trust? Isn't sleeping with your siblings partner a taboo where you all come from or what? Wo, let me hibernate back biko.
I out obviously settled for your husband because of his family's wealth. What's the big deal if he is a good father, isn't it every father's duty to take care of his immediate family? Instead of living and breathing the orders of your in laws, you all should handle the situation as a couple and seek medical help I'm sure there are other ways to resolve it and honestly from the way you sound, I doubt your opinion matters.
*there are other ways
Delete*you obviously married
#okbye
He depends have to sleep with his brother in laws wife for her to be pregnant you know. He can just donate sperm to them like they would have gotten in the sperm bank.
DeleteI still don't think it a wide decision. Let them get the sperm from the bank please. But if they decide to go ahead with this we'll your kids are still fine. I don't see any problem here. If your brother inlaw wife goes to the sperm bank and she gives birth to a boy, isn't it same as when your husband donates and she gives birth to a boy?? Your girls are fine. Train them well and do right for them..
Your in laws though. I hate meddlers
Fab mum, I know that quite alright and I was referring to her assuming it was the only way and also feeling it would lead her husband to keep sleeping with his brother's wife.
DeleteThey should loosen the apron strings and take decisions by themselves.
Why do i just love you Doppelganger..u have said it all.
Delete* he doesn't
Delete* I still don't think it's a wise
* well your kids
Please learn to read and comprehend what the writing is saying before writing your usual epistle, please where did she mention that I husband has to sleep with his brother wife In order for her to get pregnant, she said her husband wants to help donante sperm since is twin bro is not fertile....
DeleteDon't know what to said. Why don't you start training your girls to be super independent? Make your babies mini gods. You can do it. What if they make more girls or make a baby boy and he dies or later turn to a badt guy?
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm nka di oku ooo. I dont know what to say.
ReplyDeleteThis sperm donor i am sure they dont know who they are giving to.
Oya sexy daddy come and enlighten us on this sperm donor.
Madam it is well with you. I just pray your horseband dont have another thought on him.
The family self na wa for them. Can they subject their own daughters to this if this is happening to them.
Hypocrites everywhere
Materialistic woman... You are already feeling bad for an unborn child.. Which one do you prefer, to play along with him being a donor or for him to take another wife? Imagine thinking about your in law inheritance..
ReplyDeleteHow is she materialistic cos she is worried about her kids future ???
DeleteShe's materialisti!!! What is her business with an inheritance she didn't work for. She's already breeding jealousy over a child that hasn't even been conceived.
DeleteHe shouldn't do it. Not a good idea. That act will eventually break the family and cause problems that none of you can handle. Please
ReplyDeleteWhy are people so concerned about inheritance that's y the girl child is looked down on in Nigeria train ur daughters to be great women nd stop worrying abt inheritance,d issue of this male child tin is so annoying is a girl no entitled to inheritance too abeg dose Obama have boys there is nothing in this life just live your life nd stop worrying.
ReplyDeleteNne I don't know how to go on this but know for sure ur husband is about to acquire an imaginary second wife in his brothers wife. Just know it that once he is the donor a bond has been formed between them o. I had this wired vibe as a read through. Parents can be manipulative especially in-laws no one is putting into consideration your feeling as his wife. Its OK for people to serve bitter pills they can't swallow on others am sure if tables were turned and u want to act as a surrogate for your sister and her husband will ur husband be cool with it. He probably would have said no. I bet u if they tell ur Husband to have sex with her in the process of bringing this wired idea to pass he would jump at it. My dear worse still he said she has a hot body. Please pray very well this life is crazy. This is like being between the devil and the deep blue sea.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm, this is a very dicey situation, maybe you can talk to your husband about your fears and all. In fact this is hard, May God take control
ReplyDeletemouth wide open .......but if it is okay with your hubby let him go ahead so the family won't tag you with tittle of enemy of progress.
ReplyDeleteMadam raise your girls well to be great in their own right and stop focusing on Inheritance. What assurance do you even have that your Children will outlive their Dad or grandparents to get the inheritance? Mothers like you who rather build their children to be great end up raising low achieving children as, rather than work hard, they cruise through life assured of an inheritance.
ReplyDeleteShe is lazy and got married to enjoy inheritance, it's probably same thing with her husband who she married that's why his parents can decide what they should do or not do.
DeleteHow are they even sure it's not the parents using their organs for rituals this one she had her womb taken out and her brother in law, her husband's twin has fertility issues too.
Let her sit down there and be projecting her Laziness on her poor kids.
This your comment is the most reasonable so far. She's chasing the unknown
DeleteDoppelgänger did you not read that she is a doctor? How is she lazy?
DeleteAnd being a doctor didn't change her need for an "inheritance". Don't you know there are unemployed stay at home doctors? Aproko
DeleteNawa ooo...things dey shele
ReplyDeleteMy dear, you can't fight this war. Work hard for your girls and teach them to make their own money too. Do not depend on inheritance for your daughters survival. Who told you that your daughters cannot be richer. Allow the sperm donation, if not, they will bang in your absence.
ReplyDeleteDo like Kim and kanye. Get a surrogate to carry ur child who is biologically urs. The child is from ur egg and ur husband's sperm. Many girls are into it.
ReplyDeletePoster,assuming all you wrote is all there is. Both you and everyone involved is educated. Your husband can be a sperm donor without sleeping with the woman. Yes, sometimes men makes careless mistakes infront of their wives. Him saying his sister in Law has a body to die for may be a joke,an admiration or lust. If you husband has the tendency to cheat he will cheat even if you do not agree to the donor thing.
ReplyDeleteThen are you sure your in laws are not indirectly asking their son to father his own kids from the other woman and not for his brother? That's my problem with gender issues. If a man is impotent it can be hidden and covered, if it is a woman that is infertile, no she must make way for other solutions.
About inheritance, why are you so disturbed about that? If you have the means why not empower your girls? Good education and proper upbringing. Get your husband to open accounts for them and save for tomorrow. There are dome successful people out there who made it without an inheritance.
Your worries seem to revolve around inheritance than the moral aspect of marriage and sanctity of a family. If your husband respects you, he will seek your opinion. Sleeping with the sister in Law is a big FORNICATION painted with rainbow colors. Let him donate his sperm to cover his family.
I may not be perfect with my advice but search your conscience, pray and the right answer will spring out. Good luck
Your husband won't need to sleep with your sister-in-law by the way and since you need a boy so much, you can get a surrogate, and select the sex of the baby you need, your egg+ Hubby's sperm will be injected into the woman's womb and she will carry the baby.The family should know better and they have the resources for the process.
ReplyDeletehahahahahaha Queen i promise myself i wont laugh again on this your knacking pigeon, abeg take time ooo.
ReplyDeleteThe husband is from abroadian and he is behaving like our village men who take kaikai or work in the farm.
Imagine the family asking of these. They are rich very well that is why they are the ones calling the shot.
Physicians...money dey,get a surrogate..ivf, determine the sex before transferring embryo.use ur eggs n his sperm,surrogate will carry d baby
ReplyDeleteYeah, poster, you all arr doctors. Why are you people not thinking this way?? Get a surrogate and do sex selection. If you are abroad then it's even easier as alot of people a regular ready to be surrogate mom for a price
DeleteSince her womb has been removed I don't think she can use her eggs again. Not so sure.she van use donor egg tho
DeleteFab mum... The ovaries make eggs while the womb carries the baby. The only removed her womb, I don't see any mention of an oopherectomy here so she's still making eggs.
DeleteMadam,let your husband donate the sperm.there is no guarantee that the baby would be a boy.if not,your husband would be forced to impregnate another girl just to get a son.
ReplyDeleteTrain your children very well.
My own concern is....
ReplyDeleteThe sex of the child is determined by the man right? Before you start overanalysing what hasn't happened.... what if hubby donates sperm and it turns out to be a girl. Would they abort the child? Or keep asking him to try again until its a boy? Either one of these two options, I disapprove.
I think that regardless of your financial benefits from his parents, you shouldn't trade your happiness for them. You sound scared and caged into their decision and that's not good. How did it get to that point? Abeg as much as having a good relationship with in-laws is bae there are boundaries.
As for your girls, well I have a family friend who married a very rich man - an only son. His family started this drama of childbirth and truly she was done after her 3 girls. So you know what she did? She got herself three properties- Lagos, abuja and port Harcourt. And then she gives her girls the papers as their wedding presents.
Unfortunately her husband died in the sosoliso plane crash. And of course in-laws came with their drama. She quickly handed over all his properties to them without any fight. Until his company heard and filed a case in court for her. 6 years later she won. But even if she didn't her daughters would never have been left without any inheritance just because of little carelessness and ignorance. And having a strong mum motivates them to work harder.
So why not take your eyes of your in-laws inheritance and leave yours for your kids? Or did you marry them because of what they have?
Any way,the bottom line is -if you don't feel comfy with the arrangement don't torture yourself by going through with it. And take your eyes of that inheritance its probably not helping you be yourself in your marriage.
NYC one
DeleteUgegbe oyibo m 1 worldwide. How is your day going?
DeleteBiko let me sit here and talk 😘😘
Poster what they are about to do is abomination.
Like my Ugegbe said, start securing your girls future by buying properties(like lands and building) for your them and forget about your in-law's inheritance, okwa maka adighi ama ama Onitsha gwara Obosi.
Just tell your husband that what he want to do(sleeping with his brother's wife) is abomination. Don't fight him oooo because from your write up is like you don't have a say in that family.
Peace be unto you and your family.
They can determine the sex of a baby before fertilizing the egg. There is a way they shake the sperm that makes the Y chromosome on top. It's a designer baby now so they will design what they want. The logic that he already has female children does not apply here.
DeleteAnon 19:11 So because you manage to know one small thing that I dont you are now soooo logical 😎
Delete@ugebe its just sperm donor..dont think there is sex involved. But a bond might form as a result of the child oh esp if it's a boy.
DeleteMadam you have two female children, and you are still complaining abi? Meanwhile people are here looking for just one.What an irony. Please concentrate on bringing up ur children and be grateful to God stop channelling your energy on the family's benefits on ur children and ur husband and ur in laws bla bla bla. To me it's immaterial. I don't even have strength to type again sef
ReplyDeleteLastly, good in-laws put their SIL or DIL's feelings into consideration, not just take anyhow decisions because it suits them. Have they asked you how you feel about the whole issue? If they haven't then I think you need to begin to look at your in-laws squarely. Cos this would be one of many surprises. You married into a 'wealthy' family shouldn't make you a puppet.
ReplyDeleteYour hubby is obviously eager to be 'SEXY daddy' sperm donor.
ReplyDeleteI find it particularly disturbing you are more concerned about inheritance for your kids rather than other heart wrenching implications.
Even while you are abroad and obviously well to do enough to give your kids the best education that they can get to be self reliant.
My dad is late, left us no inheritance and worst part is, made me a breadwinner on my teaching remuneration. If I can pull through, your daughters, with better opportunities can.
I really cant advice you as
1. I aint married
2. We have different outlooks on life.
I wish you the best as you weigh your options.
This one has addled my brain. What about surrogacy ,since your in-laws are pertinacious on their sons sperm.Get a donor egg.
ReplyDeletePoster, you are narrow minded..think bigger and better. Your girls can become greater than that inheritance if you train them well. don't get so engrossed with claiming wealth neither you nor the other wife contributed to. Let them do as they please, take care of your girls and get your husband to open headstart accounts for them. Your in laws seem like scholars so there should be a will in place. Look at the bigger picture..you have your own kids.
ReplyDeleteYou claim everyone, including yourself, went to medical school, yet it didn't occur to anyone in the family to tell you to freeze your eggs before the hysterectomy was done?! Stupidity at its finest!
ReplyDeleteThank you Anon! My thoughts exactly!
DeleteHonestly you are the stupid one
DeleteDidn’t it occur to you that perhaps ..... it was a sudden decision on the surgery table , for her to do the hysterectomy and not a pre- diagnosis
Your comment just expose your height of ignorance
But then again you are layman, hence your dumb reasoning.
Anon that is an ignorant thing to say given that you don't know the situation that led to her hysterectomy.
DeletePoster look for away to prevent ur hub from doing such oh, anyhow u can. This is not a good idea at all, it will surely affect you no matter how you pretend not to.
ReplyDeleteMadam i know u are bother..can u just forget about ur inlaws and thw whole situation and work on urself and your girls..build ur girls to be someone the family will be proud of..
ReplyDeleteMadam I see nothing wrong in your husband being a sperm donor even if it is more than once.
ReplyDeleteYou are thinking of inheritance,nobody is leaving this earth with 1kobo, don't worry your daughters will be settled,ur Hubby's twin bro has stuffs to be inherited too .
Well men are not to be trusted ,ur husband might want to be having a steady relationship with he's brothers wife if only she will agree, well thank God d twin is still alive so that might not happen if she is God fearing & responsible.
Now my own isssh is that I'm looking for a way to shut my twin sister's hubby up for ever. He started hitting on me when I spent a weekend @ their home, since then he won't let me be, dude is wealthy & he offered meoney & I took it sharply, he thinks he can buy me with money, he capitalises on the fact that I'm single & need to have fun, he has been calling me.He has invited me twice & promised heaven on earth so I can travel with him on business trip abroad,but I cannot do that to my sweetest sister,God forbid, I need to do something to stop him from telling me all these stuffs,cos its embarrassing, & I don't wanna tell my sis/family members abt this cos it will really break her heart as she loves him forever & can swear he can never cheat on her. pls guys suggestions
Hehehehe. So you took money from your inlaw without your sisters consent? And you expect him to have respect for your boundaries? You're joking right?!
DeleteNo?? Oh God! I give up 👐
Now if after living all your years abroad your in-laws still have a male child obsession and you also have an inheritance greed then there's a problem in your family.
ReplyDeleteSince it feels like it's your in-laws that are calling the shots in your marriage to your husband you should prepare for war.
Let you hubby have a written and signed agreement with you that
(1) if he eventually goes through with the sperm donations he will not in the future lay claim to the child irrespective of the sex of the child
(2) All earthly inheritance worked for by both of you will be inherited by only your children.
(3) The family inheritance that is available will be shared btw him and his brother equally thereby making sure that your daughters get what they rightfully deserve.
(4) He will be only allowed to donate sperm once irrespective of the first child's sex
(5) He will never have any intimate relationship with the wife of his brother without you accenting to it
(6) He will not discuss all agreed terms with his parents bt can share it with his brother as this concerns only 2 of them.
If he sign this off for you then you are good to go
Remember if tables were turned he would also have reservations with you having a kid for your twin sister.
Apply wisdom in asking for your demands and you will be fine.
LEP😛
Poster, what if after your hubby's donation and the baby turns out to be a girl?
ReplyDeleteI think you and your hubby should get an egg donor for your own child not his twin brother.
@ Poster since your PIL feel like they are soo Rich, then they should seek the help of surrogates and donors rather than putting you through this agony.
ReplyDeleteYou better wake up and stop hoping for inheritance, start to empower your daughters now, if not they will end up like you.
Speak to your Husband about how you feel and broach the surrogate topic to him.
If hubby wants a male child badly, they should use his sperm and some other unknown
If his twin wants Kids, then, they should get another sperm donor to fertilize with his wife's egg
All the best
Who says he will sleep with the twin bro's wife to donate sperm?
ReplyDeleteThere are other ways to get the sperm from him, & yes its a better option than for the lady to go get the sperm elsewhere or for poster's husband to go pregnant some other lady out there.
African marriage is to the entire family, so madam stop complaining since ur in laws still have d African mentality u have to live with it. Train your girls to be great in life, provide a good environment for all round growth & achievement in their lives & stop worrying abt your hubby sleeping with his bro's wife or inheritance.
They seriously go and do surrogate, with you egg and his sperm, let them select it to be male, or you want them to tell him to marry a second wife.
ReplyDeleteIts people that already have male kids that will tell you having only girls doesnt matter, in the long run it does. So go for surrogate first before he does the donor.
Can't believe....they have carried their niger mentality over there
ReplyDeleteSay No! Let them tag you wicked! If they have a sister and the sister Brings this sort of story to them will they agree?
ReplyDeleteThis is a dicey one,advice bank empty
ReplyDeleteThis is heartbreaking I won't lie. As for the inheritance, leave that matter alone. You and your husband alone can leave more than enough for your daughters. Besides they are twins so no one has more claim to anything than the other unless the parents decide otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou didn't say what your husband opinion is on the whole matter? As per is he willing to donate his Jonny junior seeds to his brother's wife? In all you have mentioned, I will say start working on our husband with love and prayers. Remind him of YOUR OWN FAMILY vision. Not royal family ish or his parents opinion. In laws can play wonders on their sons so I know your plight. You and your husband should GET A SURROGATE quietly without his family's knowledge. He should tell them he is thinking about it. DO NOT AGREE TO HIM GIVING HIS SPERM TO HIS BROTHER. His parents are concerned with their own selfish needs of having a male seed, (which is fine. We are Africans after all) at all cost but not about the problem this can cause with both brothers. Your husband wants a child of his own so he will not easily let go of a son birthed by his brothers wife. It will create a big mess in the future. Once he sees his brother with a son fathered by him, he will start seeing you as the only thing standing in the way of him getting his own! So to avoid too many issues, outsource it via surrogacy please. Bring the baby boys (do twins o) home and raise them together. Even if he later has moments of thoughts about porting out, those boys will not allow him. He will think half bread with his good wife is better than whole bread with someone else. Start by getting him acquainted with couples who had done the same thing you are about to do and with positive experiences. You will overcome! If feels like a big mountain but believe me you will climb over it and look back at it. Mark it. The lord is our strength.
What a family! Calling d shots in another person's home.
ReplyDeleteSo your bil and wife cannot decide how they want to go about having kids?
Whats their business in saying ur hubby must be d sperm donor ? How does ur hubby feel about that? I dont even think they asked ur bil's wife opinion on d issue.
Its obvious both ur hubby and his twin are all waiting to inherit their parent's wealth? No wonder they dont have any say about how to run their own family. They are just very lazy.
And u, u are all about the inheritance. Another man's sweat. Cant u and ur hubby work for ur own money? Doing 'ok mum, ok dad' all cos of inheritance.
Go and work for ur own money. So u can decide what happens in ur home!
God has blessed you with 2 girls. Still you are bothering urself with the male son ur hubby's twin will have.
I see u as very desperate. You sound like sum1 who can harm your bil's son, if he eventually births a son.
Life is not all about who inherits what. Train ur kids, pray for dem. Teach them to be independent. Leave inheritance! Male this , male that! This is 2017!
Poster,first of all,it seems like you don't trust your husband. Secondly, you talk about inheritance like that is what you want your daughters to live off. See my father has several houses and i am not looking to get anything. Even if he dashes me today, I won't be jumping for joy cuz i worked for mine. Teach your girls to be powerful, not to think less if themselves and be achievers. Forget that inheritance bs! Now to the main matter...it is obvious that despite the fact that your inlaws grew up abroad,they still carry the silly African mentality. Well in my opinion, allow ur hubby donate the sperm. In thr end,blood is blood. It doesn't matter who the child belongs to. Concentrate on your girls and be happy. Cheers.
ReplyDeleteNot that she doesn't trust him, she married him for his family money. Now it seems another woman wants to share that with her. Who knows she may have cast a spell on the hubby's twin to cause him azoospermia
DeletePoster I'm saddened my your mentality. Your most important concern seems to be about money and inheritance. You expressed some valid fears as well but all I see is you are fighting for what your daughters stand to inherit and it's a shame. In this day and age, we should be raising children most importantly girls to be independent, confident and self-reliant but you are concerned about wealth you didn't work for. My mother married as a fourth wife but she told us her children that we are entitled to nothing. We worked harder than the rest wanting to inherit the family business, today we have two doctors, one lawyer and one engineer meanwhile we feed the people that felt entitled to our father's wealth. Poster since you have this mindset please do not allow your husband because you can go to any length to protect what you feel is yours and your children's. However if you oppose too strongly, your husband and his family may go behind your back and have the baby naturally hence you will be the biggest loser. So apply Solomon's wisdom but I still maintain that you cannot be a stepmum with your attitude you might end up getting your hands really dirty thinking you are protecting your daughters. The best gift you can give them is to be able to rely on themselves alone.
ReplyDeleteDid you just say they prefer in house kids not bastards? Pray tell, wouldn't this child be a bastard? Judging by the circumstances in which he would be born? Unless they plan to get them married. Your in-laws including your husband are something else.
ReplyDeleteHow did they get to know about your hysterectomy? I assume they were told, hence the audacious request to get the 'precious heir' from your SIL and your husband. They obviously have a lot of influence on you and your husband. If your husband still depends on his parents, my dear you have a big problem.
I'd be worried about the sanctity of my marriage if I were you. Bear in mind that if this arrangement pulls through, you already have an unofficial co-wife and step child(ren). They will make decisions and may even bear more children without consulting you.
A family with such archaic mentality will treat you like trash and never fail to remind you of your girls when a male child comes in. Your hubby is in the best position to wield the axe in this matter. If he decides to go ahead with his parents decision, you either stay or take a walk for your own sanity. You need a strong will for either decisions.
Now is the time to get your family involved. They need to know what's going on. Pray and act wisely. Don't be a pushover. I am befuddled by the decision of your 'enlightened' in-laws tbh. It's so wrong.
As in ehn, this woman is very materialistic. U are thinking about inheritance. Y can't u train ur kids to make their own money and name? Kai abrg
ReplyDeleteazoospermia isnt the end of the world!!!!
ReplyDeletehe can do PESA and TESA to extract sperm and get his wife pregnant.
and you need to stop focusing on inheritance. Gosh! you cannot control things. you will only worry yourself to high bp. tell your husband to suggest the PESA/TESA to them. and stop worrying yourself. what will be will be
SURROGACY FROM YOUR EGG AND YOUR HUSBAND SPERM.
ReplyDeleteTHIS WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS IN THE FUTURE.
EVEN AMONGST THE BROTHERS. DO NOT DO IT.
I think it would be awkward, I sent in a chronicle sometime ago when I was contemplating donating eggs to my Sister for IVF , but sincerely I was planning to do it without telling my hubby (didn’t happen though as the facility said They would rather go for a younger person) I think with most Africans mentality in this sensitive issue they would see the child as ( I and my Brother in laws child ) also at the time hubby and I were going back and forth on having another child , it was when I had my child I realised if I had donated and not gone ahead to have mine I would forever Long for that baby, so seeing you are in a position where you want another child and the background history you may resent the child . Forget about inheritance just bare your mind to hubby how would he feel about it etc .
ReplyDeletePOSTER, YOUR HUSBAND DONATING IS THE SAME AS THE TWIN FATHERING A CHILD, THEY HAVE THE SAME GENES. PUT YOUR SELF IN YOUR BROTHER-IN-LAW'S SHOES. WHAT WOULD YOU DO? EVEN IF THEY GET SPERM FROM OUTSIDE AND IT IS A BOY, THE INHERITANCE WILL STILL GO THERE. ARE YOU A GOLD DIGGER? WHAT CAUGHT MY ATTENTION IS THAT YOU ARE ALREADY THINKING OF INHERITANCE. LUCKILY FOR YOU, YOUR IN LAWS ARE EXPOSED SO I AM SURE YOUR DAUGHTERS WILL GET SOMETHING. ALLOW YOUR HUBBY TO DONATE. THE 'SON' WILL STILL BE HIS SON. STOP BEING SELFISH. I PERSONALLY BELIEVE IN ACQUIRING MY OWN WEALTH THAN WAITING TO INHERIT ANYTHING. YOU NO GET PROBLEM. ALLOW PPL WITH REAL CHRONICLE TO POST THEIRS
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY! If they are identical twins, they share the same genes.
DeleteThis is serious biko.....
ReplyDeleteDon't knw what to say, cos I don't see any big deal twin helping his bother to have a child provided he didn't sleep with his wife.
ReplyDeleteJust reading comments, I just know nothing us too big for God to handle.
ReplyDeleteYou did a hysterectomy but you still have eggs. Why don't you and hubby get your egg and his sperm together and make a baby with a surrogate womb????????? That way boy for you. You can have a surrogate in Nigeria its cheaper there. Just stay with her for the 9 months in peace. You can even pick the sex since it's ivf.
ReplyDeleteYou can insist on you baby first before your brother donates sperm to the other wife.
2 you live abroad how can first son/ boy inheritance be an issue? Forget about grandparents money you cannot control that one. worry about what your husband will will his children that you can control.
3 why will they start sleeping together? It will be done in hospital don't do any backyard funny business. Let him donate sperm and go home.
In terms of the explanation that is very deep. It's sychological. Decide if you want your children Hear that explanation. Although in the future that kind of thing will be pretty normal
Hmmmmm when people are looking for children and one family that is already blessed will be there crying for gender, my dear since this in law of yours can't open their common sense upon the obodo oyibo they are... use prayers and pin them down even your hubby will relax, i remembered when my aunties told my mum that she was giving birth to prostituties because she gave birth to six girls and the boys later came last, but now ladies in my house are the main people while the guys are just there. In all train your children very well girls takes care of their parent more, go on your knees and cry to God ok. It is well with you
ReplyDeletePoster get a surrogate to carry your child ( your egg and husband sperm, you can do gender selection and implant boys,even if your eggs can't be harvested,your surrogate can still donate hers for you if you and hubby and the lady consent to it with legal backing,since money doesn't seem to be an issue here,also note that if your hubby becomes a sperm donor for his brother,that means he will continue till his brother completes his family because it won't stop at one child. Please kindly lay the cards on the table for your hubby and know what he says.your in-laws are quite domineering I must say,and if they succeed with This? Next plan will be to get you a cowife to bear male children for your husband.
ReplyDeleteTo be frank, this is not an easy one. But poster I think u should educate yourself n stop carrying ur #village mentality, its not gud for u. Support ur husband n whatever happens in d future u will both cross it together
ReplyDeleteMadam, you can still have more babies through surrogacy. Try and convince your husband not to agree to their plan,but if he goes ahead, plan on having anoda child of your own. The interesting thing is you can even chose the sex of embryo u want transferred into your surrogate
ReplyDeleteYour husband will forever long for that child. You'd better come up with an idea to give him a son. I still wonder why your hospital didn't suggest you freeze your eggs. Get your sister to donate for you and have a surrogate mother for that child. Get your husband a son..
ReplyDeleteSincerely, i dont get you properly. You said your parents in laws and your husband are in medical line? including you also... okay, and you people live abroad? where most people runs to for medical helps even our dear president. please, Azoospermia can be treated , as in treated .Azoospermia, also known as no sperm count, is a male fertility issue that occurs when there is virtually no sperm in a man's ejaculate. i know someone that had that and he got treated abroad and now he has five kids that looks so much like him. So, your brother in law can be treated. Better still, your husband can be a sperm donor without sleeping with her. other options of ivf, surrogate. People should stop playing God and encouraging immorality and sin that will live on generations to come. Dont allow him to sleep with that woman but pray and ask God to heal you and give a miracle male child- ask Him He will do it for you,i'm very sure of that. Even in abroad nigerian mentality still beclouds them
ReplyDeleteSincerely, i dont get you properly. You said your parents in laws and your husband are in medical line? including you also... okay, and you people live abroad? where most people runs to for medical helps even our dear president. please, Azoospermia can be treated , as in treated .Azoospermia, also known as no sperm count, is a male fertility issue that occurs when there is virtually no sperm in a man's ejaculate. i know someone that had that and he got treated abroad and now he has five kids that looks so much like him. So, your brother in law can be treated. Better still, your husband can be a sperm donor without sleeping with her. other options of ivf, surrogate. People should stop playing God and encouraging immorality and sin that will live on generations to come. Dont allow him to sleep with that woman but pray and ask God to heal you and give a miracle male child- ask Him He will do it for you,i'm very sure of that. Even in abroad nigerian mentality still beclouds them
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, have thought about what will happen in the future ? Assuming your husband sleeps with her and gets her pregnant then put to bed a bouncing baby boy. Dont you think that your husband might one day wants to lay claim on the child since he doesnt have one from you and his twin brother also claim he's my son then it turns to fight then turns bloody. maybe then the parents in laws that stirred up the whole problems are no longer alive to sort the issue. . How will you cope? what will you tell your daughters? Have you people considered the feelings of that guy - your brother in law? How he will feel about the whole stuff emotionally? Madam, pray there's no mountain difficult for God to handle and seek proper medical advice outside your family members - there are alots of options and your brother can be treated- its curable
ReplyDeleteMadam Poster Did you get married for the Inheritance?
ReplyDeleteTeach your girls to be hardworking and financially Independent.
He does not have to sleep with her to donate sperm so
You may just be an Insecure Person
Documents should be signed based on the agreements made .
The poster wasnt dumb to say "total hysterectomy". Nigerians baring ignorance since 1900. What you dont know...quickly pick a dictionary and check so you would make meaningful contributions. A total hysterectomy means everything was removed...salphingo-oopho-hysterectomy. Probably had cancer or sometin.
ReplyDeleteBy the way madam train yout gurls well..they too can be physicians and highly independent