STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
A MARRIAGE WITH TOO MANY POTHOLES
Good day Stella and more power to you. am one of your aged blog
visitors,can you please help me to share my issues .
I am a lady,late twenties, married with a child. I got married at the
age of twenty-two about to finish my degree then. my marriage will
clock five years soon but my hubby had s3x with me only twice during
our first week of marriage,I got pregnant,gave birth and since then
nothing like s3x,romance and good communication between us.
Stella I got married into a family with a lot of problems, have fasted,prayed and
even talked to him but his family don't really see big deal or let me say
ignore what he is doing.
To eat is a problem,if not for God,my mother and little job I do here
and there, life would have been tougher than this.
Same thing that keeps coming is that I shouldn't have married him becos
he has a lot of problems..... yes its true,when he has little he spends it
recklessly,smokes,drinks,spends on his family, do things that his mother
says,doesnt plan to help me start a business and for more than three months
now I have been taking care of my child and myself becos his around etc.???
Stella what should I do,I really wish I can help him cos they don't
want him to have a wife not to talk of a child. I am weak,tired and feel
like giving up..... I was even duped today.
Stella I don't know how to write but what I can tell you is that,I have problems, please any blog visitor that know real and anointed men of God should please help me.
Our house rent is due,am ready to take care of my son school bills
again,please help me post Stella or anybody I can talk to one on one
through phone or chat. I feel like giving up,I am not lucky at all.your
advice is needed too. please Stella I AM NOT BEGGING FOR MONEY but
solution to problems I am facing.
*I really dont know what to so say.....You also didnt state the age of your hubby for us to know if he is acting out of youthful exuberance or not....
I dont know which Church to recommend you to but let me ask...These problems,is it the drinking and smoking or something else or is it the lack of intimacy or spending money on his family?
*I have just two more and then the Chronicles folder is empty...Please send in your Chronicles...
This is sad....God will make a way
ReplyDeleteWhy did you marry him in the first place? You played yourself girl... I hope you find closure.
ReplyDeleteIt's ww" madam, but don't you people date before marriage? As in, were you forced to marry him?
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Hmmnnn....
ReplyDeleteWas he like this before you guys got married?
Another chronicles where there was no courtship.
ReplyDeleteOnce the money finishes or is not flowing, the man becomes a beast.
Anon15:06 stop jor it is not always about money. Truth be told many men need to sit up and be responsible. Y start a journey you now within yourself you won't finish?
DeleteOr u didn't read tat d moment money comes in the man just blows it off?
Poster what issues do u need a man of God for? Don't fall into wrong hands
@18:01
DeleteAnd you just affirmed that there was probably no courtship.
Did she observe how the man spent money when they were courting?
Or was she more concerned with giving him "the latest sex styles?"
A man that was "blowing up money" just before marriage, you married him to change him overnight?
Were there not two people that started the "journey?"
Didn't the woman too know "that she won't be able to finish?"
You just heard from one person who even condemned herself and you want to bail her?
Okay anon but now this poster wearing these tight shoes needs our help with way forward and not the blame game.
DeleteBesides ur first comment was abt money and not whether they dated or not. WAY FORWARD is the subject.
Poster try not to focus on ur problems rather sit down and map a way to ensure u are on a progress track. How to earn better. How to go stay with your mum and let him know that u need him to sit up. U can't become miserable cuz of ur husboy's/boysband's attitude. U are still very young and full of energy. Redeem the time lost rather than accepting defeat.
The way is still far ahead of you. Do not bring another baby wiv him into this world if the situation doesn't improve.
Seriously you need mature and reliable friends that can encourage and advise u through.
Sincerely get the attention of those he respects apart from his family for intervention.
It is well
@Marjorie
DeleteYou are the kind that scatter other women's home! So she should leave her husband for her mom's house?
When she comes back, she will meet another woman with house filled with kids?
How is that going to stop the man from "drinking, smoking" and other negative attitudes?
She is "full of energy" and she should carry the energy to go and "sit down" in her mother's house; what a voluminous effusion of thr*sh.
If you do not know what to advice, you keep quiet like that anonymous you are referring to.
Pointing out that this poster did not court, how is that blame game?
DeletePeople are here to learn and if you do not want to learn scroll past.
It is left for the poster to know that she is in courtship inside of marriage.
Did Isaac and Rebecca go through the process of courtship? You can court a man for 20 years without sex at the end of the day he reveals his true character.
DeleteThe Bible even tell us that only God remains true. So please I beg of you throw away this issue of courtship and bring another one.
Isaac was not "smoking and drinking and blowing away money"; was he?
DeleteGo and check how many camels Rebecca watered in that well when Isaac's servant came for her.
Do you know that a thirsty camel can drink thirty gallons of water?
Think of it, Rebecca fetched those hundreds of gallons from a deep well ensured that the camels had their fill.
It takes a very patient woman to do that and that is actually what this poster lacks.
Rebecca was a shepherd girl rearing hundreds of cows; how many of us Nigerian girls, including you can raise a chicken?
It is only to depend on a man to provide even the air you breath and buy hairs of dead Brazilian and Indian women that you are capable of.
At least Joseph and Mary went through courtship.
DeleteLet's see the type of girl Rebecca was; a girl that is so generous and hardworking (shepherding cattle is no small business). Gave water to a "stranger" and watered his camels from a well (she was even kind and considerate for animals). If I find a girl like Rebecca today, I won't court her, it is marriage straight!
DeleteGenesis 24:42 “When I came to the spring today, I said, ‘Lord, God of my master Abraham, if you will, please grant success to the journey on which I have come. 43See, I am standing beside this spring. If a young woman comes out to draw water and I say to her, “Please let me drink a little water from your jar,” 44and if she says to me, “Drink, and I’ll draw water for your camels too,” let her be the one the Lord has chosen for my master’s son.’
45“Before I finished praying in my heart, Rebekah came out, with her jar on her shoulder. She went down to the spring and drew water, and I said to her, ‘Please give me a drink.’
46“She quickly lowered her jar from her shoulder and said, ‘Drink, and I’ll water your camels too.’ So I drank, and she watered the camels also.
Anon 22:42
DeleteAs u can see that man has made his choice to keep the worst habits and it's only up to him to change himself. Poster is not his changer. Else he would have changed already seeing that he has a baby he is supposed to be a role model to. Some of u men expect a woman to be miserable and be d one to utimately change u while you do terrible things or are u baby to crave such attention?
If another woman enters that house wiv d man e no go be wiv clear eyes and trust me she will flee in less than a year. Men should learn to drop their baggage before stepping into marriage. You are marrying another human being and not the Holy Spirit.
By the way would u tolerate this from a woman u are married to? Would you even sweat it for a day to change her? And u want someone else to be burning calories for a wayward adult.
Put yourself oga in these shoes and honestly deal with it .
Yes madam poster should be a nontoxic environment at least temporarily so that she can heal faster and plan effectively. Wicked man!
At least Rebecca see camels to water but the poster hand no even fit touch the husband money.
DeleteStop quoting Bible alone instead learn the lessons in it. Isaac was a responsible man and didnt wait for Rebecca to come fix his life before rearing cattle.
A woman can only work on as much as u have spared or given to her.
Just lukatwu, u are thinking of how to help a man who is not even ready to help himself, he doesn't even like, which responsible man will neglect his wife and baby, i just pity u cos u are in a cage, u can't tell me u did not see the signs, just manage him u hear.
ReplyDeleteYou are sure married to yourself because my dear Na only you waka come. This one is tough o
ReplyDeleteExactly! Married to herself.@Poster, OMG! you mean nothing like sex and romance for that long? And am sure he's quenching konji somewhere. This is so crazy! Please open up to your people, don't keep it to yourself anymore,(this one don pass tufiakwa), I think it's a family matter now. God is your strength.
DeleteMarrying early has too many disadvantages,any young girl should go learn a skill and be perfect in it before getting married,because marriage is very difficult,if you go into the wrong one it becomes more difficult,you spend your life complaining and raising kids and before you know it time is gone and death comes knocking or kids will grow up and dump one in the village while choosing their spouse over you,except you are lucky to have great kids that will care for you better than you did for them.life is vanity enjoy life while you can.
DeleteFor you poster,go to any Catholic Church and Pray on your own,cry to God and God will answer you.
I totally get the picture... you're married but living like a single mum. Well, you're not alone. Too many irresponsible men roaming the streets.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading O.Y.O's comment on IHN I won't ask you the usual 😂. Cos I'm certain you saw all the problems in his family before you entered. But at 22 you were most likely in love and maybe a little naive.
Shebi you wont carry bag and go To your mother's house for a while until you find a solution? Although I think he's quite irresponsible because many families do have issues but if the man is determined not to let the issues in his father's house follow him, he knows what to do. If he is non-challant abourrit then you can only keep praying for him. I really hope your marriage passed this test. You sound really broken
Questions:
ReplyDeleteDuring courtship; if there was any, was this man "spending on his family", smoking and drinking?
Did he just become intransigent overnight?
Who is not giving affection; you or him?
If you fast and nag, the two can't go together, learn tolerance and perseverance while you fast. You can google those words and look at the scriptures to that effect in the New Testament especially.
@ yori yori Pastor can be of help with deliverance,fasting and prayer..
ReplyDeleteYori yori nwa get in, your attention is needed.
Thanks.
Sorry poster it is well..
Very confusing chronicle
ReplyDeleteYou should have your time to explain your problem properly so that those reading can advise you.
Your story is too scattered to comprehend abeg
LEP
I hope you didn't marry him "by force".
ReplyDeleteWhat is the church/pastor they recommemd to you to do exactly?
Are you one of those people who attribute rewards of laziness to spiritual things?
God is not mocked...whatsoever a man sows he shall reap. So if your husband sows nothing, he ain't reaping anything either.
Get yourself together, work hard, pray for God to bless that job and take care of your child.
Was there nothing like courting or dating before you settled with this man? This kain chronicle dey funny o. God will help you ma'am.
ReplyDeleteChai stella see your last paragraph. hahahahaha you really funny. Oya make una send we go dey read.
ReplyDeletePoster nothing you can do since you married him or are you expecting us to tell you to divorce him?
See if God can help you with a good job. Keep praying for a good job and it will come to pass
Poster you mean you had sex just twice with your husband since 5 years of your marriage with him?
ReplyDeleteYou dey try
Hmmm so pity for you
ReplyDeleteMy dear, pray to God he will change him.
ReplyDeleteThis is what one keeps preaching for a woman to finish school,get a job and even some savings and then think of marriage. Especially if the hubby to be isn't buoyant.
ReplyDeleteEven if your husband is reckless atleast you can adequately take care of yourself and your child if you had a job.
It's obvious there was never love in this marriage. The guy just needed a wife and one was provided.
Nothing you can do you are already married. Just try getting a job and above all don't think of another having another baby. Your problems with be times*2 .
I hope help finds you. I can't even advice. You entered marriage young and unprepared with a baby husband that doesn't know what marriage entails.
I wish you well
Happy 5years wedding anniversary. The lord is your strength.
ReplyDeleteThe sarcasm right there though...Chai
DeletePoster sorry
Thank God he's not having sex with you and you only have one child to deal with. Just buckle your shoe and work harder dear. Woman paying house rent isn't a big deal o provided we chose that path ( to marry a man without regular source of income) how gullible we were. My advise is to keep fighting and hustle harder like I'm doing and don't have more kids this one you're sex starved. Forget sex for now o. The good thing about mine is he doesn't smoke nor drink, he's just not ambitious as I'm. He's a graduate and I hope he will get a job. He's a church goer but his ambition na zero over hundred (0/100) but he marks register at a newspaper stand and knows when burial travel, arrive and will travel back. What Bill the National Assembly will past on their next seating.
ReplyDeleteTake heart sogbo mabinu. Double your hustle. I for say make you pray sha but I no dey too pray so since I hadn't remove the speck in my own eyes, I can't remove the log on yours. Take good care of that child because e no send you. Me I have 2 kids and I enrolled them in schools that pays 100k for both and I take them lessons myself when I get back from my hustle because that's all I can afford to pay for now. Atleast they eat good food and my 6 years old daughter is in basic 3 and comes first. I must allow their baba idleness to affect my kids o, them no send me.
Funny enough....I see a lecturer in your husband. He seems like the type. Have you tried supporting him to get into academia? He might be intrinsically motivated, knowledgeable and patient enough to do lots of primary and secondary research work.
DeleteVery funny,most women are enabling men to be lazy,when you carry all his burden he will definitely sit back and relax.
DeleteKai I feel u madam...u sound so real...my elder brother is just like ur husband except visiting news paper stand...everything is just on my head as d last child n only daughter...
DeleteChikito, that poster's husband can not go into university lecturing work with that kind of attitude. As a lecturer, your ambition must be very high, infact top-notch. It goes beyond lecturing, u must conduct rigorous researches, publish peer-reviewed journals, carry out some administrative works in d dept, attend unending meetings and so forth. If not, no progress for u, u'll end up becoming stagnant n d ridicule of ur colleagues bcoz that environment is very competitive. Secondary school teaching might be OK for him, but then it depends on the school sha.
DeleteI had almost the same issue as u. But mine was different cos I didn't have a child and it was just 2 years old. Aunty poster, pls walk out. Stella is asking how old is the man and whether it was youthful exuberance. Some youths have more sense that some men today. My ex husband is almost 40 yet had no brains. He would still beat me on top of it all. I almost died. Age of the man doesn't matter. Once a man or a woman is useless, he or she is useless. Forget about looking for a church for deliverance. Your husband is his own deliverance. He would most likely not change. Either u get used to the situation which might lead you to death because of high blood pressure, or you leave with your child and start life afresh. Peace out.
ReplyDeleteYou rushed into Marriage
ReplyDeleteWhat I've noticed is that most of you girls don't know what you want.
ReplyDeleteOnce you get to 21, you start feeling too old to be single and next thing is to marry any man that comes.
Make una dey try finish school, get a job(any) that can pay your bills.
A friend of mine from Anambra is about marrying a muslim guy all because she thinks at 32, her time don pass. Tomorrow she will be finding who to share her problems with.
Babes, don't ignore ANY sign. I'm very sure you knew about this family problem before marrying him. To change someone in marriage is very difficult.
Madam, try talking to him if you've not done that before and keep praying.
Whewww 😏😏😏
My dear, it is well with you. I am not really in d mood to advise but I will try. Marrying into a family that has issues really weighed one down. Start praying for your child now that God will show him mercy and exonerate him or her from linage problems. As for your baby husband, I wouldn't blame you for marrying him, we all were once a victim of love. Just pray for God to bless you and keep your mum. Marriage without sex is what I don't understand. Do you guys sleep on the same roof? I am a Catholic and believe strongly in the power of the blessed sacrament, you can give it a trial with faith.
ReplyDeleteFix it lord
ReplyDeleteDear Poster IF IT IS TRUE..You have to keep enduring and managing oh..Pray to God and stop waiting for him to help you..U have to start hustling now..The mistake has been made already, but u need to be strong now cause of your child..And dont forget to use protection when sleeping with Oga abeg..I no wan hear say wheelbarrow kill person oh...
ReplyDeleteOluwa please fix it.
ReplyDeletePoster to be sincere I don't get the real issue you want fixed. Are you trying to say in 5 years of marriage you have only had sex with your hubby 2 times......like twice....WTH happened. How have you been coping....
ReplyDeleteAnd this your hubby does he have a job or why are you the one taking care of your son and you....I don't gerrit????
You really need to sit your hubby down and have a heart to heart talk on the way things are going in your home.....I don't really know where you need help because so many things are not clear from your writeup. But then continue praying for him and try to communicate with him.........you will be fine dear
Men who drink and smoke like their life depends on it hardly listen to their wives.
DeleteThis is actually pathetic, however you have to be strong and face life with it challenges. I really cannot point out your husbands fault and I don't know any church pastor to recommend, all I will say is there is a God up there who hears us when we call. Talk to him about all this and he will do what him alone knows how to do
ReplyDeleteGood for you that you are earning some money. Use that to take care of urself. Help is on the way
ReplyDeletePlease, go to Winners,spiritual week of emphasis is ending tomorrow, go to God in believing for intervention, you sure will have a solution to your problems
ReplyDeletewith what i am reading up here.. you did not do your homework at all.. with the things i have seen in this life. i cannot carry any man's responsibilities.. you hold your own.. i hold my own.. a lot of young people in this generation are missing the true essence of marriage and jumping in and jumping out.. May God give you wisdom.. double your hustle madam!
ReplyDelete