STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ABOUT TO WED BROUHAHA
Hi Stella,
Let me start by saying you're doing a good job with your blog. You have no ideas how many lives you have saved from depression, making the wrong decisions and frustration. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used positively.
I'm sending in this post so I won't end of sending in a Chronicle in the future. I am engaged to a 37yr old man, I'm 33 yrs old but despite my age and the way our society frowns at being unmarried at a certain age as a woman, I don't believe in ignoring signs.
My fiancé's mother calls him endlessly! I'm talking like 3-4 times daily and not short conversations oh. She even calls at odd hours despite the time difference (she's in Nigeria, we are in Canada). Initially I thought it was cute, I just felt they're a really close family which is actually a good thing because they lost their father when he was just 12 years old. Ok don't get me wrong. I think she's a wonderful woman, she's really nice but her not being able to respect boundaries is a huge bother to me. He tells her everything. They're like gossip partners. To the point where I'm now forced to keep certain things to myself for the fear of him updating his mother. And sometimes I have to include 'Please let this stay between us' before I can share somethings with him.
He's the first boy, has an older sister and a younger brother. At some point in our relationship, I got to know that the family do not really like the sisters husband. They believe they don't have as much access to her as they should because of him. But I've come to realise the sister actually wants it like that because she knows how their mother can be, so she keeps her out of her family business.
This is something my fiancé doesn't know how to do. He tells his mother everything, even things concerning our relationship that shouldn't get out.
Also i observed his expectations of our relationship is for me to always make adjustments to suit him but he never wants to do the same for me. When I bring it up with him he says that's the way he does his things so I either take it our leave it. We had a big quarrel one time I spent the weekend at his place and his mom called me to intervene. I explained my side of the story to her and next thing she says is 'My son doesn't tell lies'. Please note that this is not the first time she's making that statement.
Hi Stella,
Let me start by saying you're doing a good job with your blog. You have no ideas how many lives you have saved from depression, making the wrong decisions and frustration. Thank you for allowing yourself to be used positively.
I'm sending in this post so I won't end of sending in a Chronicle in the future. I am engaged to a 37yr old man, I'm 33 yrs old but despite my age and the way our society frowns at being unmarried at a certain age as a woman, I don't believe in ignoring signs.
My fiancé's mother calls him endlessly! I'm talking like 3-4 times daily and not short conversations oh. She even calls at odd hours despite the time difference (she's in Nigeria, we are in Canada). Initially I thought it was cute, I just felt they're a really close family which is actually a good thing because they lost their father when he was just 12 years old. Ok don't get me wrong. I think she's a wonderful woman, she's really nice but her not being able to respect boundaries is a huge bother to me. He tells her everything. They're like gossip partners. To the point where I'm now forced to keep certain things to myself for the fear of him updating his mother. And sometimes I have to include 'Please let this stay between us' before I can share somethings with him.
He's the first boy, has an older sister and a younger brother. At some point in our relationship, I got to know that the family do not really like the sisters husband. They believe they don't have as much access to her as they should because of him. But I've come to realise the sister actually wants it like that because she knows how their mother can be, so she keeps her out of her family business.
This is something my fiancé doesn't know how to do. He tells his mother everything, even things concerning our relationship that shouldn't get out.
Also i observed his expectations of our relationship is for me to always make adjustments to suit him but he never wants to do the same for me. When I bring it up with him he says that's the way he does his things so I either take it our leave it. We had a big quarrel one time I spent the weekend at his place and his mom called me to intervene. I explained my side of the story to her and next thing she says is 'My son doesn't tell lies'. Please note that this is not the first time she's making that statement.
How do I tell someone older than me that that's a lie? So instead I politely told her that I understood her but their relationship as mother and son can never be the same as what I have with him. I wouldn't say he lied if he didn't and I even had proof. Next thing she's telling me marriage is a school and if I'm going to marry her son I have to show more tolerance and learn to overlook a lot. To her 'his good sides outweigh the bad'. I used to think so too but I no longer agree as he now finds it so easy to disrespect me in front of his younger cousins presently staying with him (that's another issue, he takes in everyone that comes to Canada and his brother is about to relocate and come stay with him as well till he can work, save and bring over his family).
His cousins now think it's ok to say 'Hi' or 'Whatsup' to me instead of greeting me well like they used to. I tried to tell him I don't appreciate it and rather than apologising he told me 'this is who I am. I will do it again if such happens again'. He made this statement when a particular incident occurred, my friend a guy who is married messaged me while we were all having dinner to give me some information I had earlier requested from him for my work. He shouted that why would the guy be messaging me at night and I tried to water down the situation because his cousins were there. Next thing that followed- insults.
By the way, both his siblings are married with kids. From conversations, he's never really had a serious relationship and has no kids anywhere.
Bottom line now is, we had another quarrel on Sunday and next thing I know his mother sends me a message saying 'Don't you get tired of quarrelling?'. I was so upset that she didn't even ask me what happened. Besides, why is she involved in the first place???? She called me severally and I did not pick up. I replied her saying I really appreciate her concern but I don't think it's right to keep bothering her with issues we can settle between ourselves and that she shouldn't be offended that I was not in the right frame of mind to talk. I promised to call her the next day but I didn't.
By the way, both his siblings are married with kids. From conversations, he's never really had a serious relationship and has no kids anywhere.
Bottom line now is, we had another quarrel on Sunday and next thing I know his mother sends me a message saying 'Don't you get tired of quarrelling?'. I was so upset that she didn't even ask me what happened. Besides, why is she involved in the first place???? She called me severally and I did not pick up. I replied her saying I really appreciate her concern but I don't think it's right to keep bothering her with issues we can settle between ourselves and that she shouldn't be offended that I was not in the right frame of mind to talk. I promised to call her the next day but I didn't.
I haven't heard from her since then which is unusual as she's big on daily Whatsapp broadcasts and messages. I sense he must have told her to stop communicating with me. Mind you, she has been pushing for a wedding date (we did our intro in Nigeria in July), and whenever I tell her to give us time (my family) she acts disgusted and won't speak to me for days. I see where he gets his 'my way or the high way' attitude from. Makes me wonder if they're hiding something and if they will change towards me once we get married. Also, I have avoided telling my family too much as I sense they would frown at the relationship if they knew some of these things, especially my mother.
There's a whole lot more I can't say, because it's just too long. Sorry for the epistle. But based on the above, BV's please tell me, 'Is this an accident waiting to happen? Has God given me enough signs to know the marriage won't be a happy one for me if I go ahead with it?'. Or am I just overreacting? Please I need your sincere comments. Stella please hide my identity as his sister is a BV. And kindly include your red ink wisdom.
Thanks
There's a whole lot more I can't say, because it's just too long. Sorry for the epistle. But based on the above, BV's please tell me, 'Is this an accident waiting to happen? Has God given me enough signs to know the marriage won't be a happy one for me if I go ahead with it?'. Or am I just overreacting? Please I need your sincere comments. Stella please hide my identity as his sister is a BV. And kindly include your red ink wisdom.
Thanks
*Thank God you are a woman and will have kids one day.
Nobody can break the bond between a woman and her kids unless it is juju you wanna use....I am a mother and by Gods Grace i intend to be very present in my boys life,One cannot say how involved now but his behaviour comes from love and wanting to protect a child...
Why don't you remove your eyes from their mother-son relationship and try to build yours with them individually?
I think you also need to relax cos i found a problem with the text i highlighted up there.
Aside from your guy having problems,you are also complicated.If you cannot accept his relationship with his mum or his behaviour then dont go ahead with the Marriage...it is that simple.
This is really deep
ReplyDeleteDeep like..................
DeleteYour........................
Hmmmmm
I 100% agree with Stella, no woman can come between me and my sons unless she wants to die. The bond is a spiritual and emotional bond especially when there is no father in the picture. If I were you, I will make her my mum too. Consider yourself lucky you have someone to intervene when you fight, someone that will talk sense into him. Abeg OP mellow down and accept their relationship or hit the highway.
DeleteStella, having a relationship with your sons is OK but to be brought in to every single issue of your sons marriage is a big NO. Poster is now watching what she says because of it getting to mother-in-law! That is a big problem. Any couple that can't solve their marital issues between themselves without inviting family in is in trouble and that marriage is doomed. Couples solve their issues between them without reporting to their families because though your family will be on your side but whatever regard/respect that your family had for your spouse diminishes. And that is already happening with the poster. I have been married for nearly 10years and my marriage would not have lasted this long if I had brought in my mother into my marriage. My hubby had a very special bond with his late mother(I miss her) but he didn't go running off to tell her of every issue between us. The poster is getting married to a mama's boy and she should bare in mind that it's not her fiance that is calling the shots in that marriage and ask herself if she can handle the stress and drama. The poster should use her tongue to count her teeth because more drama is coming. More grease to her hand as she enter that marriage,she go write chronicles sotey that it will look as if she's writing a book. Talking to her fiancé or the mother-in-law would NOT work because they will see her as just trying to break their relationship.
DeleteZukki31 Gbam!
DeleteMadam, 1. I think you are over reacting. Yes his mom is right because marriage is a school. Some things one should learn to over look. There's a saying that goes thus 'choose your battles'. My husband spends on his family and can't say no when his mom/sister ask him for this or that he usually tells me not in a way that he's seeking for my advice, but in a way that it's something he's doing. I on the other hand tell him it's okay but stylishly add a clause that plays on his intelligence. Now I don't even have a problem with him financially supporting them or what not, as long as I'm not lacking and he is taking care of me too. Before I was involved, they were there, and there's enough space for us all. Given, your husband is a mamas boy, but you have to know how to have things your way, but not by being forceful or commanding.
DeleteYour man being a 37 year old man is already set in his way anyway, but I can almost see you as having that 'abroad' mentality. Easy does it. Let him have his relationship with his folks, or whoever he chooses. Build a relationship with your in laws to be too.. but then again, what do I know? You know him better. If it's something you can't handle/with with, please walk away now so you don't regret it later. Wishing you all the best!
I disagree with you Stella! Some MIL are too nosey and ruin relationships. As much as you love your son, give him and his wife space to grow and make their own mistakes . The bible says ...a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto a wife. I bet your MIL was mean to her own MIL.
DeleteI suggest you ask yourself if you can live with it. If not, just leave the relationship. She is going to be a dominant force in your relationship. And if he is already saying his way, you shouldn't expect him to change once married. Good luck
Thank you for this comment. Because its not happening to Stella she wouldn't know how hard it is to cope. She's not trying to break up their bond she just wants to have privacy in her own home. How'll my soon to be husband be gossiping about me to his mom behind my back? What type of child's play is that? The mother should give her son and this lady time to find stability amongst themselves. So they have. Little fight instead of discussing like adults do, he'll take it to his mom; as what na? High priestess.
DeleteThere should be boundaries, the woman obviously does not even respect the lady; God knows what the guy has told her. Even if he wants to have such mommy's boy rship, he should keep their private business out of it. Thy aren't even married and the woman is taking sides with her son even when he's in the wrong. Smh.
Stella you surprise me sometimes. You need to realize people are different and have cultures, so are you saying it's ok for him to insult her in front of others? They are not even married.
DeleteStella you will probably end up as an interfering mil. How is it ok you quarrel with your spouse, next thing the mother calls to shout on you. Shuooo! Why don't you just have sex in her front and let her position you properly and tell you how to fuck, wtf?! There should be boundaries in place. And that's probably why he's still single.
No one says you shouldn't love your son but boundaries should exist, I'm a mother too, and I'm disgusted. Imagine my husband's mom calling me to ask nonsense about a quarrel or vice versa? No no no.
Meanwhile madam poster, are you living with him? Prepare for things to get worse when you marry him.
POSTER, I AM 2 YEARS IN MARRIAGE. I KNOW THE INFLUENCE MY HUBBY'S FAMILY HAS ON MY HOME. ITS A PRAYER POINT. HONESTLY, AT A POINT, I WAS PRAYING FOR GOD TO KILL HIS OLDER SISTER SO THAT I CAN HAVE PEACE. (NOBODY SHOULD JUDGE ME. WALK A MILE IN MY SHOES AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND)
DeletePLEASE, WITH ALL YOUR STRENGTH, RUN!!!
Thank you. My thoughts too
Delete@19:01
DeleteAnd why didn't you run when they were "controlling him as you fiance?"
And why haven't you run since they started "controlling him like a puppet?"
Why is it that women do not like to see their fellow women to get married?
Stell I disagree 100 percent with you. My mother has 3 sons two are married. Our family is a strong tight one. We don't keep malice of mistreat each other we have trust. BUT my mother does not interfere in anyway in the marriages. That is a no no. When she is confused in she gives advice. A man shall leave his mother and father. Stella is that how your grandmother was present in your home? Think about it.
DeleteThis attitude maybe why this poster is single at her age. She has personality issues.
DeleteHis younger brother is coming to Canada for the first time, and he can't put up with his brother until he gets a job? Come on! May it be into you like you wish others. I pray that guy stumbles on this post and gets far away from you. A single mother is bored and can't call her son??? Come on! God will give you the kind of man that suits you. This one is not for you. Please walk away, please.
Zukk3i,anon17:43,anon18:49,anon18:59.....1000 likes each.
DeleteBoundaries must be set and respected.
The atmosphere in this relationship is very toxic. Any relationship with no boundaries is doomed. In my growing up years I was known as my mum's boyfriend because I share a special bond with her (my dad is still alive). I was the prime and proper son who could do no wrong. When I decided to settle down I got the first shocker of how meddling my mum could be when she made it clear I would marry the girl of her choice.
DeleteWhen I eventually bought home a lady, she immediately rejected her because she from a particular tribe in the east that had a history of cannibalism. I laughed in Spanish. And I simply told her this is my choice and if you don't like her, you don't have to attend the wedding. The shock shook her to the marrow. She told every relative she could reach but I simply excommunicated anyone that spilled rubbish into my ears. I wasn't unmindful of what I am doing I was just setting the tone to guide everyone. My dad had no issues, gave his blessings from day one. My mum thought she had issues but she clearly does not. Her issues are sentimental, the fear of losing the bond we share.
When you share trivial marital issues with your mum or family even when you settle with your wife your family will start growing resentment towards your wife. And if not checked disrespect follows.
Because of the boundary I set, my wife is well respected, my sisters all followed suit and I still have my special bond intact. 9 years and 3 kids we are all one big family.
James Bond
@ 15.53, make her which mom? Even ones mother, one shouldn't share everything with her. I will call my mum each time I disagree with my husband? That is pure madness.
DeleteAs adults, your issues stay with you. Not saying one can't seek advice from one parents but a married man/woman should learn to take decisions alone.
That is part of the maturity that comes with marriage.
I wanted to comment on this chronicle yesterday but got busy.
DeletePlease you people shouldn't take Stella's advice. Stella is talking based on how mother in laws out of the country show love. Stella loves her kids and will still respect their boundaries.
Nigerian mother in laws don't respect anybody, if you notice all these with you fiancee now, poster run o! She will control your family more when you marry her son, she may think it is love she is showing, but she's been controlling and she allows her son behave in a nasty manner towards u...will you be able to handle it later?
Remember marriage just magnifies issues.
Poster your boyfriend is a mama's boy. He will never change. If the sister can keep the mother out of her way, then i think you too can. Just wait and marry him first, then show him your true colours.
ReplyDeleteI have brothers and my mum dont intervene in their matters except she sees something is not right.
Stella not everything ooo. Fine you will bond with your sons but consider their wives feelings too. I dont intervene in husband/wives situations so why will you poknose in my affairs with hussby or boyfriend.
Pretend you are cool with it, then when everything is fine including marraige then show your colour. It is well
Same I did and it paid off.
DeletePoster dint listen to these people. Don't pretend at all. That woman is going to be the controller of your hone if you dare marry that guy. Go ahead at your own peril.
DeletePoster don't mind Stella o!!! This is over interference... You will most likely have a lot of resentment in you if you end up marrying that your fiancé. He is too set in his ways and even his mother will not correct him when his misbehaves. He is an overgrown spoilt brat. If you see road make you waka far abeg.
DeletePoster please don't take Stellas advice. What kind of a man tells his mum stuffs happening in his relationship. Mommas hand bag. He should be protective of you and vice versa. Don't accept what you will not take in future from the word go. Set boundaries please. I have kids and don't intend to interfere in their relationships in future.
DeleteAnd PS if they started greeting you the African way initially, then they gotta stick with it. Changing mid way is not his disrespectful and a sign of a diminished perception of you, its very insulting. The question is what changed.
DeleteSee me, I have started commenting on blogs, next thing I will be Charing the committee for the SDK Christmas party. What is going on?
DeleteIf u are so bothered with these things, his mum is his mum, I should not be telling her everything though..except he is more of a boy than a man
ReplyDeleteHis mother has her wahala, but mehn you complain too danm much nawa o, you really like quarreling, it's not everything you must talk, my late mother in law called my hubby about five times a day and they lived in the same house so my dear it took years to build that, if I am you il make her my own gossip partner before you know it they will be including me in the gist just relax or you can return his ring cus with this your attitude you will continue fighting and in marriage it will get worse
Delete@push up if she no like gossip nko? Abegi!
DeleteDear Poster, I think your fiancé has an unusual and unreasonable tie to his mom and unless something drastic happens it’s not gonna change. You will have to either deal with it or let him go.
As for the way he and his cousins treat u, they have seen you finish. Him disrespecting you in their presence doesn’t help them respect you. Infact to them you may very well be one yeye girl their cousin is managing. Marriage may change that but again if they don’t change u gotta deal with it.
Personally I would leave this guy behind if i were you. I see your marriage as a frustrating experience full of anger and resentment. It’s not worth it you dealing with all that negative emotion.
Another woman may fit in perfectly, love to gossip with his momma and not mind serving his cousins but from your personality I think you would hate it.
It doesn’t make you bad or make him or his mom terrible people. It just means you recognized this situation is not for you and you made an informed decision.
Hope you stay true to yourself!
See if you think you can’t live with his attitude, his mum’s and family, just leave biko. It’s going to become worse when you get into marriage. A man that can’t do anything without consulting his mother is a bomb waiting to explode. I’m not saying he shouldn’t be close to his mum, but this is extreme. His mother will be the one controlling the marriage and they will now turn you into the bad wife and frustrate your life.
ReplyDeleteIgboran san ju ebo riru lo.
Wear your shoes and leave.
Don’t compromise because they would end up turning you into a mad and bitter woman. Pardon my French biko but it’s the truth.
Pls poster you are the problem here. Try to adjust to your situation n stop making your mother inlaw to be to look like the enemy.
ReplyDeleteShut up. Is the guy the only one with a mother or siblings? Why can't they leave them alone to be happy?
DeleteYou are stupid!
DeletePoster please leave that man cos if you eventually marry him, his mum will be in control of your marriage. So run as fast you can 🚶
Ain't u too uptight?
ReplyDeleteHis cousins greet you with 'hi or what's up' n u don't like it.....got me thinking, miss prim n proper aka 'purrrfect'.
They seem like a close knitted family..pls don't marry him, both of you are like magnets, and what happens wen u bring two magnets together? They repelllllllll....
Wrong! Magnet of opposite sides attract.
DeleteYou could have said magnet if same side
Aunty blackberry, I was beginning to like u, dunno why and don't ask. But this ur comment got me thinking. U get sense at all ??? How would u feel if anyone says hi or whatsup to u instead of "Good morning" remember say u no be oyinbo. Oyinbo sef get sense say na good morning i suppose talk not hi.
DeleteHehehehehe😂😂
DeleteRepel indeed😂
What black berry is saying is true.
DeletePoster is too uptight. Count yourself lucky this woman is even in Nigeria.
Why are you allowing someone to control you all the way from Nigeria. It's a blessing you ppl are even continents apart.
Yes their relationship is too deep for mother and son. But if this man is genuinely a good man,pls marry him.
Be doing eye service for the woman. Will it kill you. Afterall you hardly see eachother.
Poster I am talking from experience. There is hardly a married woman that doesn't have in-law ish. I know how I handle mine.
Shebi its once in a blue moon you will see them.
Also stop nagging this man about his rltshp with his mama. He may start resenting you.
Don't worry when marriage;kids,bills takeover his world. He won't even have the time to speak to his mother four times.
About his cousins,they are some things as a wife you need to remove your eyes from. So far they are not rude to you. Just leave them abeg.
Where you should count yourself is this woman lives far away.
DONT LISTEN to bed and roses oh, all she typed is garbage!
DeleteThe mother will so relocate to canada after ur wedding, you go shock! thats face to face nightmare, he wil NEVER get tired of speaking to his mum, bills n kids would even make it 10x a day, cus more issues to talk about, for 37yrs hes been close to her, nothn can change that... Good man or not, the atmosphere isnt cozy at all, thats like a fine mansion with no curtains, everyone sees u inside, leave that man to marry his mother, all his previous GFs ran away, thats why hes 37 n single, ure not a superwoman
Beds and roses, please accept my dab offering! You killed it with this advice
DeleteLol, na P.N okeke I read o, with candle light. I tot they say two magnets when brought together repel.....
DeleteSee ehn, there's nothing right about them greeting her with 'hi'. If they had started on that note then we could say she should overlook but I believe something made them change from greeting her the normal way to casual greetings.
DeleteI guess they have seen that ur boyfriend does respect u and it has now rubbed off on them
Sdk as much as I love you die I have to say what you just typed in red I don't agree at all.
ReplyDeleteI have a son he is 3 years old and I love my son die but I do not want him to be attached to my apron strings and yes I am Yoruba. I will never control his life and will allow him to make his own mistakes to learn but I will advise and caution him.
Husband and wife must have a private relationship. Bible says YOU WILL LEAVE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHERS HOUSE AND CLING ON TO YOUR WIFE.
Where does it say mother must remain present forever in a child's life pls. Yes we as a mother struggle to bring up our kids and birth them but being a mother is a privilege and God's grace. We are simply the car God used to bring them into this world we don't own them God owns them.
Don't get it twisted I can kill for my child/children but once he marries THERE MUST BE BOUNDRIES!
Thank you my sister.
DeleteI 100% agree with you!
DeleteTell them abeg.
DeleteYes u didn't beg to be loved Stella but as much as I love u I don't appreciate the things u type out with ur red ink when it comes to matters like this like u'r the only woman that has sons. It simply means u would do worse things to ur sons partners in future.pls get rid of that mentality and this lady hasn't complained much. Thank ur God that u'r not married to a nigerian bcos u don't even want to experience wot this naija mothers do to their children's wives.
DeleteThank you o, I love my son but when he becomes a man I will let him be a Man not a boy, why will a man stay on the phone with his mother for hrs.. He should grow up.
Delete101% correct
DeleteSo spot on.
DeleteWaa sere!👊🏾. I love Stella but her standpoint on this issue is so subjective and wrong! Any mother who does this in the life of her son is a prayer point. The keyword her is BOUNDARY; haba! Poster, these are too many warning signals. Wake up and walk away. #NuffSaid
DeleteSpot on. My mum tries her best not to interfere in my brother's marital issues when they have one and if she must, she finds a way to even blame my brother just for peace to reign.
DeleteAny woman that fuels bad blood between her children's spouses isn't a good mother at all
I am really happy women are reasoning like this. What you won't want for yourself don't do it to another woman's child. I particularly
Deletelike James Bond's comment too.
stella pls i dnt like ur reply.......quite alright if she dosnt like the mother son rship she can leav the rship but my opinion is the guy is kinda selfish.he is jus imposing his family in this rship which isnt appropriate. yes he can hav a sound rship with his mother but there shld be a boundry for christ sake.its bcos he talks abt everythin that's y his relatives dnt hav respect for her anymore. this goes to show dat wen they marry her they would treat her like trash. she isnt saying he shldnt be close to his mother but his own is too much joor. and he has refused to bend but wants everytin to go his way as a self centered man that he is now.pls poster i would advise you to leave that rship. if u were my sis i will tell d same. wat nonsense
ReplyDeleteGod bless you . Exactly my thoughts
DeleteGod bless you for reading the story with an open mind. If all she wrote there is the truth then their marriage is dead on arrival!
DeleteChop kiss!!!!! You spoke my mind.
DeleteMadam.. on a second note, please play the same game he is playing.. you have families that can come over too, let them come.. you have a mom you can talk to all the time too, please do it.. let's see if it's something he'll fancy or realize
DeletePoster,for me I don't see any problem here.Unless you are trying to create one for your self..
ReplyDeleteThere has been an existing bond between these two persons before you came in.So,i think you should respect that. Love your man and take his mum the way you took your own mum.Please don't create an unnecessary tension here,it doesn't worth it.
Wishing you the best..
It isn't worth it o...help me tell her SD
DeleteCoconut head
DeleteAfi coconut head 😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteIf what you wrote up there is the whole truth then my major concerns are :Verbal abuse from your guy and disrespect from his cousins.
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with him being so close to his mum if she gives him godly counsel but if its the other way round 🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃.(Wish I could share a story but I've learnt not to share sensitive personal stuff on the blog.)
May God give you wisdom to tackle this.matters of the heart is not easy at all.
The way I see it,your unhappy days will be more than your happy days if you don't overlook/tackle some of the things you listed.
To stay or not to stay is in your court.Go back to your checklist and retick or untick where necessary.
God bless you for this comment.
DeletePoster if you are not comfortable with the way he is communicating with his mum, then you leave him for other ladies.
ReplyDeleteYou said his cousins don't greet you... How do you expect grown up married men with kids to be greeting you? As wetin sef? You senior them? Even if you senior them, the age difference pass 3 years?
You no even get Chronicle like you said.
You always talk like an illiterate. Tufia
DeleteYou are in a relationship with mother and son. I think you are in a bad situationship and the worst is yet to happen.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you to leave him now that you can before its too late.
Yes, leave him for another girl that can handle the situation. I 'm very close to my mum too and I perfectly understand their bond. The poster here is very uptight and quarrelsome you should learn to love and accept your mother in-law and your hubby's siblings like yours. If you don't want her to intervene in your fights, learn to settle them fast before she becomes aware of them.
DeleteGod bless you.
DeleteAre you the only one that has mother? I have mother too and my mum can't be this poccessed.
DeleteIt's only ladies with low self esteem and desperado that will settle for a kind of my described up there.
Poster, don't follow what Stella wrote with her red pen. Just walk away from him, he's a bad market.
ReplyDeleteMam, If u can't cope better call it off. My mum and her second son is all u describe there WHICH at first his wife didn't find it funny but wen she tried and failed she later understand the bond between the two of them and she get more closer to my mum, ..... even we as his siblings call him (mybro) woman wrapper while growing up because of the way he loves our mum. Till date he still cry whenever my mum is sick😂😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteWhich kind woman u be sef? You're in Canada and still complaining over her because of ordinary call? Chai
Poster I don't like mummy's boys so I quite understand what you're saying. You should try to talk to him about it. I hope you find a common ground.
ReplyDeleteAs Stella said, is good to be involved in your son's life but not as much as the son reporting the fiancée every time they have issues. Some trivial things needs to be kept and resolved between them. The 3rd partyish is too much abeg. The mother could call him as much as she wants to but your man mustn't reveal everything that happens in the house. As for housing his siblings, please bear with him. People that relocates from Nigeria needs someone to accommodate them for a while. Btw, they are family and you don't expect him to turn his back on them when they come over.
ReplyDeleteStella thanks for your comment. While reading the poster's story, I put my mum in her prospective mom-in-laws shoes and can only imagine how my mum will feel if the close relationship between her and any of her kids changes as a result of marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou have no idea what widows go through. I and my siblings' daily communication with my mum is what keeps her sane as we are in different cities and my dad is late.
You should find a way to make his mother your friend and watch your man adore you.
Let's always remember that we have mothers and they also might tick other people off. If you can tolerate your mum's excesses, you should learn to bear with your mom-in-law. Be her friend and she will gradually begin to side with you. No one is perfect.
All the best.
I'm surprised at y'all. So u support the fact that he reports every single issue to the mother, even their personal issues???
DeleteIf my mum was like this ehn, I would have been the first to tell her to mind her business.
Eka, I tire for these people. So when my son gets married, he will call me any time he and his wife disagrees? Mstchew.
DeleteI think you should not go ahead with the wedding.
ReplyDeleteLook, things wont change for the better.
Obviously you cant tolerate him. I got pissed @ some point.
Maybe thats why its taking him time to get married.
Some other people can tolerate this. I am not sure u can. Even if u wanna pretend to tolerate this attitude. U wont be able to tolerate this for a long time. Marriage is a life contract. Lets try and reduce divorce rate as much as possible.
The signs are all there! Do not go ahead. My opinion.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with you Stella, she's not trying to break the bond between mother and son, I understand from your point that you have sons and intend to stay in their buisness even when they are married but you didn't say anything concerning the mother inlaws attitude towards her... my opinion is if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen.. if you can manage then just know how to keep private stuff to yourself cos your hubby will his mother... but me cannot marry a man like this sha 🙄🙄
stella, what kind of advice is this? That you are a mother doesn't give you the right to meddle in your child's affair.
ReplyDeleteNobody is perfect, so I wouldn't say poster is without sins, but this relationship is a NO. you will get frustrated trust me. I am in Canada, Ontario to be precise, if you wanna talk, hit me up.
Poster, I suggest you walk away from this. don't expect any change. A man who tells his mother every little thing, that one na man! I'm not saying don't be close to your folks, I would be close to my kids, but I would also let him know that his relationship is how he makes it to be not how I want him to be.
If there are somethings in the relationship that you feel you can't cope with then don't go ahead, because you will not be able to change it after tying the knot. Marriage most time is not about the bad habit but how well you can tolerate those habits for a life time without getting frustrated. Can you cope with the things you don't like about him?...
ReplyDeleteMarriage is all about tolerance my dear....Speaking from experience.
I don't think you are going to cope in this marriage if you ain't patient. Not everyone can take this irritating attitude of your fiancee and family but don't expect him to change completely, if you truly love him and there are other good side to his attitude, i will suggest you hang on, tolerate and face them with love. You can never win any man by force, men are like babies and with tender care one can easily twist them to a corner. Just take your time dear, if that's the only problem your boo has.
ReplyDeleteBe an evil manipulator but in a godly way lol
Stella, i totally disagree with you.. no woman wants to feel like she is in a contest in her relationship... would u like you mom inlaw been picky and nosey in your marriage? Did u even comprehend all d lady typed? Wud u like to hv a discussn with your husband n d nxt tin his mom is calling to giv her say? Or wud u like if u n ur husband quarelled over an issue and d mom knows,,,, bearing in mind when he is giving his own side of d story, he will b d good person, n also knowing fully well that his family can never love you more than him likewise your family love him than you...
ReplyDeleteYou read where she can't even say all she is goin tru to her own peeps so that her fiance wont be judge.
A man shud knw hw to manage crisis n balance his home... No real man will paint his wife bad to his family especially his mom.
No one is asking him not to be close to his mother but your relationship and what goes on in ur home remains there except the ones u both agree shud b discussed to 3rd parties (yes!!!ur parents becomes 3rd parties once u married)..
So because there is a mother son bond, she is free to sleep in btw them bah??? mtsheeww
For the cousins giving her attitude, u dint read where she stated they were nt like dat b4?? I dnt understand u sef,,,, how will u feel if your husband insults, curses you n call u names in front of his people??
He has just opened the door of disrespect and made her worthless..n will one day tell her "we will report u to our brother n he will deal wit u".. mtsheeww...
Maybe you need to read tru again n put ur self in d scene, n imagine even d ones she dint type...
I agree with you Deborah, Stella isn't right today. The fact that his siblings stay with him and one would have to continually stay till he can get his own place is appalling.
DeleteWhen family members starts to put their noses in couples affairs, then a problem is brewing. Mil's should respect their did's. Why should she be aware of every fight?
Thank you!!!!!!!!!
DeleteThis chronicle opened my eyes to my flaws. I tend to over share details of my relationship with my mum, this flaw cost me a seriously good relationship. I never knew how hard it was hurting my partner till today.
ReplyDeletePoster, I think your concerns are valid and if you're not comfortable maybe you should call it quits. You seem bothered about his oversharing but not as much as you are about him accomodating his family, who are there for a better life.
Think carefully before you jump ship.
I also have a problem with the highlighted part. Sorry madam poster, is "hi" not a good way of starting a conversation?
ReplyDeleteMe: hi
You: hello
Me: good morning Ma
You: morning
Life goes on. Try and be flexible abeg, and also try work on your relationship. If you want to stay, stay, if you want to leave, leave. You are old enough to know what's best for you.
Follow follow😕
DeleteHe is a family oriented type, to him family is everything, some guys are like that, that is who he is, you can't change him nor the mother and son love/relationship.Please respect their love.
ReplyDeleteTjis is not love. That guy can't make any decision on his own without bringing his mother into the picture.
DeleteI'm a man, a woman shoukd run very far from a man like that. He can't and won't be able to control his home.
If a man is married, then his family he comes his wife and children. So NO the man is not family oriented. Talk another thing abeg!
DeleteThank you don
DeleteLove her like your mother, be closer to her than your fiance that will make your man jealous and reset his brain.
ReplyDeleteClose ke? This mother-in-law will be telling her when to poo and pee. Is that one a mother? Mtscheeeew. That guy is just a ceremonial husband. The mother will rule that marriage.
DeleteGbammmmmm
Deletestella are you serious? well with the advice you gave i feel bad for your sons wives.
ReplyDeleteMy friend so love his mother and sister, which i respect him for that, and wish my brother does the same.
ReplyDeleteI understand your position perfectly and must say you have plenty cause for concerns...I also understand that as a mother she may be doing all of this based on her love for her son..fine and good. As a mother who's much older and more experienced, she should've known better than to always want to nose around issues concerning her son's relationship. there are matured ways of doing things without getting on anyone's nerves..but you know what? A mom is a mom anytime or day and some are naturally clingy even after the kids have left home. Your guy is the one at fault in all this...he obviously is not matured enough to handle issues arising and also not sensitive your needs as a woman..since he's told you that it's either his way or the highway then you should know that the tone of your marriage to him has been set and you have no say whatsoever.. now it has graduated to him insulting you right in front of his people and you and I know they'll automatically lose respect for you because of that....the mom has made it clear that her son is always right in her eyes and that'll make you her enemy whenever her son has issues with you. my dear the tone is set..its an unpleasant one...I don't see you happy in the marriage as you're about marrying a mama's boy. I advice you take a walk now than later..coz divorce is just around the corner waiting coz they'll stifle, you and frustrate your life...the choice is yours shaa..but no read there.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, its like see finish syndrome is working here.
ReplyDeleteHe is not going to change anything for you. If anything he is going to get worse.
He is too close to his mother and she is going to a major part if your life. and yes she will have a say in your affairs. Do not call r discuss with her as it concerns your last fight. And see there are many red flags flying. If you can deal with it and still marry him, then ho ahead.
Sdk, is just talking yes, she has a right to be in her son's life. But there are boundaries and your mother in law to be needs to respect that.
His elder sister understand s that that is why she keeps her at an arm's length. Your guy needs to set the boundaries, if not they will be in your business.
Madam poster..Dont mind stella oo,it willl be a big problem later for you in the future..so Stella you will be poke-nosing into your sons affair when they are married abi..Mtshewwwwww
ReplyDeleteFollow your guts! That marriage with a mummy's boy is trouble. Stella, nothing wrong in a mother calling her son now and then but 3 to 4 times a day?! Haba! Na 9yr old? And why keep intruding into her son's relationship? Anyway, d 37yr old man is not ready for a blissful marriage since his mum is still in control of his life.
ReplyDeleteThank you jare. Calling a 37 old man like three times a day, discussing what? He's a grown up man with kid's brain.
DeleteLemme just read comments for now. I'll be bk
ReplyDeleteI don't totally agree with you Stella. Don't get me wrong, I love love love family bonds however, thr Bible says "a man shall leave his father and mother and cling to his wife" until then I doubt he is a man and ready for marriage. Do you know the disaster if she chooses to tell her dad EVERYTHING? I mean, share the love with your parents but know when to handle things as a man. I know a Woman that defended her son even when he was beating his wife. The wife always blamed herself since "mothers are always right". It was when she almost died she opened up to her family and they took her away then husband and mother started begging and pleading it doesn't come out. Your husband should be your confidant.
ReplyDeleteI cant speak much in accomodating his family. I doubt he would leave them stranded knowing he has a place. That is something you two should discuss.
On His cousins disrespecting you... It may not be their intention. They may not know they are disrespectful, maybe just their new found lifestyle in the abroad. Well, when it seams too bad, you can ignore their messages till their brain sets.
Well, I would advise you speak to your fiance when the heat is gone and explain to him, tell him where it hurts calmly and remind him that there should be a level of trust and confidence between both of you.
I am not married though so you might get better and more practical advices
You seem to be very polite, i should applaud that!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad the signs are glarring to you & hes not sugarcoating & pretendin to be some1 else jst to please you, hes living his life & nothing, absolutely nothing will make such a person bulge, not even love, thats if he has that in store 4u, being that i must hv skipped that part while reading ur narrative. At 33 you sure as hell know what u can stomach, dont blindly walk into that family thinking u can keep a lid on thgs or adjust, it'd get worse, definitely. I cnt see anythg wrong with the mother/son relationship, cus i dont knw nothing bout their challenges from the demise of his dad, if youre the melancholic that loves to be put 1st in all ramifications, youd always fall out with the mother & family.... Leave now while the road is paved.
Budge*
DeleteI tend to share a contrary opinion to Stella's view. As much as I agree that no one can break mother and son relationship, his mother needs to draw a line as well. At 37, he is old enough to be a man and make decisions for himself and shouldn't depend on his mum for everything because that is what I can deduce from this story. Believe me, you are going to marry the two of them when you get married.
ReplyDeleteAbout the disrespect, make your stand known and put his cousin in their place politely because if you don't do that now, you can never do it again.
I won't advise you call off your engagement but all I can see is your man needs to grow because he is still behaving like 16years old at 37. Above all, pray to God for direction and he shall give you the peace you desire.
Hmm all I will say is that these are red flags. Please do not allow anyone rush you into marriage. Instead it is better you break it off now so other guys can know you're available. You age is irrelevant here.Do not let it determine anything. I know someone that went through something similar and also didnt give her family info so they dont disapprove on the relationship. She experienced dv in her marriage till she decided to seperate. Please don't let this be you.
ReplyDeleteStella pls be careful the advise you give. Nothing wrong in mother to son relationship but I guess aside the highlighted part you didnt see where she said the mother always sides with the son no matter what. Also someone that insults her in front of others with a my way or the highway attitude. Hmm. That is a big red flag. It's all the same symptoms the person I know faced and now has been seperated from her husband. I would have kept quiet but decided to speak out so you don't make the same mistake.
Don't mind Stella!
DeletePoster, take this advice up there.
DeletePersonally i don't think i can cope with such interference because i believe there should be a level of privacy between us but if u can cope with everything u mentioned up there then go ahead, if u can't i will advise u take a walk now that it's still early
ReplyDeleteMay the Lord guide u as u decide on what's best for u
Don't go ahead with it
ReplyDeleteIf man and wife cannot keep certain things within themselves then that's a problem
Also he has bad charater,if you can't manage it now then it'll be hell in the future.
Remember...... When you complain later, they'll say "but he was like this"
In summary, it is an accident waiting to happen
ReplyDeleteaccident thats already happening in slow motion, she can still get out unscattered...
Delete*unscathed
DeleteStella I disagree with you on this. At a point in their children's lives parents must learn to let go and not tie them to their apron strings. Let them grow up. A man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife in marriage, so the Bible says. I am not saying that people should cut off their parents completely because of marriage. Of course parents should be honoured for a life time in every way. But parents should learn to interfere less with their adult children. When they cry for help, or ask for advice or you have observed something really wrong going on, then you can step in with wisdom and love.
ReplyDeletePoster sister, all I will tell you is that you have seen the signs. You know what to do. Abi you want lightening to fall down from heaven ni?
Stella u made some points but dont forget that if they get married,there should be no 3rd party,d mother doesn't need to know everything that happens,make decisions for them,etc. There should be limits na,is d son a baby? He doesnt even respect her ,maybe all his gfs ran bcox of this same issues. U stella,if ur husband and mil ehave like this would u b happy? She has every right to be worried, d mother should give her son and her a lil space pls he is not a baby he is a grown ass man,abi was tgat how her own mil behaved? My advice for d poster is that if u knw u cant put up with all these ,then its not too late to leave him and find someone better,but if u feel u can put up wit it even in marriage then stay o. U should knw wat is good for u and wat u really want. its well with u.
ReplyDeletePoster you are the problem here. You had better look inwards. How can you complain about a mother calling to speak to her son regularly? How can you conplain about a son's closeness to his mother? They aren't even in same country & u have all these complaints? I would love to be in every part of my sons life & God forbid he marries a woman that would have a problem with that. And did you also say the cousins only say hi & watsup to u? Should they be kneeling & bowing to u instead? From all u wrote here, u have personal issues that stem from within that u need to work on. U seem like a rigid person, I commend u try & be more flexible in ur actions & reasoning & also try to build a relationship with ur husbands mom & relatives instead of complaining about them.
ReplyDeleteLucinda
Too much of everything is bad. My brother lives away but my mum does not call him all day every day. There are limits, there are boundaries to everything in life. That man does not sound like he has a mind of his own. He sounds like a certified mummy's boy.
DeleteLucinda I disagree with you, that guy is an accident waiting to happen. He's not a Nineteen years old boy. What kind of mother call three times a day monitoring his son's life like a stock exchange market.
Deletelol@ Stock xchange market hahaha
DeleteI will read comments.
ReplyDeleteyou should expect this from a single mom they rarely let go of their sons, understand the fact that she is lonely and probably bored so she needs someone to talk to, you can be her friend and gist partner, call her often,raise topics that will interest her, buy her gifts, when you visit her country spend enough time with her, just relate with her like your own mother, you wont just win her heart but you will win your fiance's love also, most importantly pray.
ReplyDeleteStella I dont like your advice at all. You want to be present in your boys's life all his life even when he needs his privacy at 37? Come on if your mother inlaw or hubby was like that would you like it? She asked for an advise not accussation. Dear poster Run, She is not a good woman you would regret that marroage even her daughters cant stand her. That man isnt matured neither does he understand the concept and meaning of marriage. A man will leave his father and mlther and cleave to his wife. Nothing disgustse more than an egocentric man and a man that can't make decisions without his parents or siblings. You will regret that trap of a marriage i assure you. Even in church counselling nobody advises couples to live with family members at least for the 1st one year . My dear if you dont trust us on here talk to your family and siblinhs about it before you make the greatest mistake of your life.Your fiance and mom are a handful couples with his stubborn and bad attitude. Dont marry him .
ReplyDeleteYes ooo, why hiding from your family but bringing it here? Are your family members not after your interest?
Delete👊 @ annonymous 15:46
DeleteI'm not a fan of greeting so that one isn't a big deal. But you too should learn how to accommodate if you must stay with such a person. He didn't hide his personality from you so it's either you accept him that way or you look for your ideal man. I am squatting with a friend now because I can't afford to rent any apartment since my job is a meagre one, and before I came to live with her, I already know that she is a very accommodating person. Like she can invite 100 people to come and live with her in this one room apartment at once if it's possible without complaining. That's how accommodating she is. So knowing this about her, I wouldn't try to change her because that's who she is. So that applies to your relationship, stop trying to change him, rather walk away or adjust to suit him if you love him.
ReplyDeleteYour friend is accommodating probably because she is single, it is not usually as easy as that when you are married. I am speaking from experience, you wouldn't like it when your marriage is just starting and you have people living with you. I am married and have people staying with me, most times I wish my husband and I will just be on our own.
DeleteStella a man shall leave his parents and become one with his wife,couples are always adviced against 3rd parties,the mother here is a 3rd party,she doesn't need to know everything happening in her son's and wife's life ,they need their privacy pls. she has lived her life,let her dil live her married life in peace pls.
ReplyDeleteOn this mother-in-law issue,try warming up to his mother. Call her more often, especially at odd times. Most especially be the first to report to her. You hv to learn how to beat him to his game. Don't you have your own mummy too? Call her up,let her be helping you disturb hubby too(if na my mama I gv dis kain work,i know say she no go fall my hand) .
ReplyDelete"How do you tell an older person that's a lie? " In my case I would tell the older person 'That is not true'. It sounds way more polite.
As for his relatives,kill them with kindness and most especially pray for their progress so they can leave you people alone. Don't forget to also bring your people to stay with you guys too.
When he has tasted how it feels,you can now draw a round table and set ground rules on what is permissible in your family lives.
On a lighter note, just loosen up, people differ and you just have to know your spouses personality and what works for him. I have seen a husband that is so secretive to the extent that if his wife tells his own mother about what is going on in their house, it will spell trouble that day.
You will be fine,let mother and son bond, feel free to join the party also. Whenever she calls at odd hours, tell your hubby you want to join in their gist too. Since her son is Angel Gabriel, wenever she calls,praise her son and tell her how well he has been taken good care of you.
I guess when you change your approach,you will stop seeing them as opponents.
Best comment here. This lady never ready to marry.
DeleteThese complaints are things that can be worked out. Best of all the mum inlaw doesn't even live in their continent.
At 33 my dear I'm sorry to say. Except if this man has great character flaws like cheating,domestic violence,laziness etc. All other things can be worked on.
Trust me with time and kids,he won't even be able to pick her calls 4times a day.
Talk to him calmly about the way he talks to you in front of his cousins. He may not even realise what he's doing is affecting you this much.
@bed and roses so because she's 33 she should settle for less abi?
DeleteWhoever wrote this comment, I love you already. This attitude maybe why this poster is single at her age. She has personality issues.
DeleteHis younger brother is coming to Canada for the first time, and he can't put up with his brother until he gets a job? Come on! May it be into you like you wish others. I pray that guy stumbles on this post and gets far away from you. A single mother is bored and can't call her son??? Come on! God will give you the kind of man that suits you. This one is not for you. Please walk away, please.
Stella, I don't agree with you, a mother should have boundaries and let the young people build their lives, let her get a bf if she is lonely.
ReplyDeletePoster, honest opinion, do a Johnny Walker, that family will wear you out completely and your husband won't even have your back. You have already married late, just try to get it right, its time to start detangling gently and engaging in serious prayers for your own man.
The guy is just a mama's boy. He still has a lot to learn and from all indications, he has no respect for you poster. Why would he insult you in the presence of anyone? This shows he might not stand by you when you need it most. The Bible says therefore a Mann shall leave his family and cleave to his wife. Stella you advice is wrong, wait till your sons grow up. What if you had a meddling million, how would you take it? A man should know where and when to draw the line for his immediate family and yes, poster you are right demanding respect from your fiancé's cousins!
ReplyDeleteI don't have a problem with my man being close to his mum, but the moment he starts discussing our relationship with her, I am out. I believe no matter the issue we have,once pride doesn't rule our heart, we can settle out dispute without a third party. His mother , my mother, intact our family in general are all third party. If you like, talk to your mother one million times a day, I will collect the phone and talk to her too. Just don't discus our relationship with her. I can't handle that. It is a deal breaker for me.
ReplyDeletePoster the communication is always like that especially when they are in different states, is not easy for a woman to race her kids alone and the bond will not be tight. If you really want to get married to him see her as your mother too same way she has accepted you as daughter
ReplyDeleteStella at times u are so annoying and not being realistic. Well its because u never had mother in-law issues. I hate that word "hi". How can your husband s younger ones be telling u hi? What s that? Can't the mother stay on her lane? Which one is mother son relationship. Its even said in the bible. A man would leave his mother and father and cling to his wife. Poster u have done the right thing by sending her that message. Just bone her abeg. Don't reply her msgs. Anytime she calls answer her well and don't ever confide in her for anything. As for your husban s relatives, act as if they don't exist. Don't start what u cannot finish abeg. Marriage comes with boundaries joor Stella receive sense. I played the motherinkaw daughter relationship. When I had a quarrel with my husband, instead of my mil to caution her son she started insulting me that i should shut up, man na man.u can imagine. Someone I shop for and do all things. Poster abeg give them chance. I wish u well
ReplyDeleteStella your advice sometimes dey tire me! What is a grown man 37yrs old for that matter talking to his mother 3 to 4 times a day for? Your boyfriend is a mama's boy and it will get worse when you marry. He has no respect for you because if he did he won't let his cousins disrespect you neither will he tell everything about both of you to his mom. He's not mature and talking to him about it is a no no because he will say you want to destroy his relationship with his mom because you don't like her and he will tell her too. A mother shouldn't meddle in her son's affair and even worse always take sides saying he's never wrong. Between,why are you living together when you're not married? That's why there's no value or respect for you and that's why you get insulted. Move out and stay on your own not with him.love alone cannot keep a marriage but understanding and tolerance will. Your man lacks understanding because he puts his mother first which isn't wrong but he's overdoing it by involving her in your relationship. You better borrow leg now and use your head not your heart. You're seeing the handwriting on the wall now o!
ReplyDeletemy dear, i don't usually post comments but as a married woman i will tell you the trust. IT WILL GET WORST. You see this disrespect they are giving you. All your concerns are just little when you get into that thing called marriage. The disrespect will increase. A man who disrespects you during courtship will not respect in even in marriage. That his mother will also help to break your marriage. first son's i BEG you from experience let him go. God will sort you out.When you enter this thing called marriage you will understand that its better to wait and be happy than be in marriage(bondage) and unhappy with people who don't care. The sister knows her mother you sef carry sense God cannot shout from heaven. God bless
ReplyDeleteVery correct my dear. A man that cannot respect when ur courting. Ehmm my dear ur finished when u marry him. Just know that he doesn't have value for marriage and cannot protect it. It will get so bad and u can never correct such a man. U will just live in misery all through your life. From experience I'm telling u. Just forget about this man.
Deletemy first time commenting on sdk, stella, truth be told, your reply is too harsh, i also have a son and a daughter and am going through a lot more than what she posted up there. poster you dont need a soothsayer to tell you to move on with your life, trust me he is not the man for you.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you
DeleteYour advise is not palatable Madam Stella. Just because you are a mother of all boys doesnt mean you should support such. Grooming your kids doesnt mean you should interfere in their life as adults. Mothers need to let the kids live their life, mothers should be guardians and not monitoring spirits.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletesincerely, walking out of a relationship at this stage is very difficult but trust me, things arent going to get any better with the mum. As for the cousins, they will frizle out at some point but the mother na. Its just like my mum-in-law. Very manipulating, pretentious woman. Her son even belives she doesn't lie, whereas, the woman can lie for a nation. She's sometimes too scared to tell her son the truth where wrong out of fear of being sent back to the village. I am a stranger in my own home.Living under the roof is sickening. I just tell myself all the time, 100 years is not for ever. I avoid arguments or even chats.All my answers are I forgot, I dont know, I didnt hear, I cannot remember. The woman is always looking for ways of setting me up . Immediately i realised DH will believe her over my words, i cut off all forms of chat. Its basically morning mama, this is your food. thats all. wicked woman.
Thank you Stella, u said it all (for once, i agree with you). I always tell women , how do you expect to come in and break a bond of 30 years or more, because he married or is about to marry you? just because you and ur family are not close-knit, doesn't mean u should frown on his closeness to his family
ReplyDeleteMy advice to u poster is to search ur heart. if u cant put up with all these, then best to let it go, its all about compatibility at the end of the day, if u r not, then be honest with urself.
God bless
Stella shoro niyen?
ReplyDeleteStella, haba...common be honest, the signs are glaring. Yes she's gonna have kids some day but meddling into their relationship is a no no. Let's call a spade a spade. Poster, the red flags are all over from sharing everything about you both to mom taking sides and the insults in his siblings presence. Do not ignore these, once you in, it might be late to turn back the hands of time. Do what your heart says, follow your instinct.
ReplyDeleteStella, this is nitty in case my phone do not reflect my Id.I am using a different browser on my phone.
ReplyDeleteI disagree with your advise because you were First a wife before you became a mother. You are looking it from the sentimental angle.
All she said are red flags! If she can cope with the interferences, then go ahead to marry him and learn to keep many things to yourself.
If you cannot tolerate it, then break off the relationship now because it will be worst after marriage.
Best of luck.
I wnt bother commentn and oda issues but on the son/mother relationship. Too much of everything is BAD. I got angry at the part where his mum said her son doesn't tell lies. I got evn angrier wen she sent that text asking her future daughter inlaw if she's not tired of quarrels. A good mum wud stay neutral. She wnt pick sides. Dear poster. ..this can only get worse. Don't ever think she'll change...I honestly don't hv a perfect solution to this but just know this is a crisis that can't be managed
ReplyDeleteThere is a limit to everything. A man at his age shouldn't be discussing everything abt his relationship with his mom, love your mother like no other but respect ur relationship.
ReplyDeleteStella please I disagree on your stance. You see poster,all these things may seem little until you both are married. She is his mother does not warrant her having a say in their biz alk the damn time. Trust me,with time it would get worst.
ReplyDeleteLet me deviate a little.
My husband's nephew came to visit for holidays,a boy of about 22. This boy will wake up to press phone and watch cable from when his eyes open in the morning till night. At night he continues night browsing. He has never swept and to think that he makes the place dirty. Throwing his clothes everywhere, he will per and urine is stained everywhere. Due to the nature of my husband's work he doesn't sleep home everyday. Am pregnant and in my last trimester. I keep having this waist pain yet I have to bend and sweep,rug for that matter. He is coming home today and I have decided for 3 days now not to sweep. Let him come and caution the boy himself. If it were my younger brother I know how I would have handled it but this is someone's child. As it is he already reported me to his parents that I am starving him.Heaven knows we are managing. My husband will give money to Cook and because I wanted treating him like my siblings where anybody dishes the food,this boy does not know how to eat and remain for somebody. He must clear the pot and leave me hungry. If u cook soup he refuses to eat that he dosent like soup and so i have to squeeze money and cook something else for him. Just now he came to pick his ATM to withdraw money which I am sure he must have reported to his mother again that i am starving him.The pot of soup i cooked last night which I didn't eat, I woke up this morning and it was completely soured. I am just tired.His uncle will come and see todays own. I will not kill myself.
Poster the main problem here is your man,he is the one getting his mum involved. I personally don't like Mama's boys. You can have a very healthy relationship with your mother but there should be a limit to what you tell her about your partner. If you can't live with such,then walk away.Even if his mum is asking about his relationship,he can say all is fine even when there is an issue.
ReplyDeleteFor his cousins,it may not be that they are trying to be disrespectful. This Western world and culture have a way of affecting people. They could be emulating what they see. But then we are Africans,so I know where you are coming from. That shouldnt bother you much. Though I still think your man should have addressed that issue if they are younger, since they are living under his roof.
Stella ua only biased cus of the tots of your 2 boys!
ReplyDeletePoster, you cant cope! This is only phone call relationship and its like this. Wait till you get married to him and she moves in!
You want to get married to a man that has a "first wife" already. You can never win. Nothing you do will be good enough for her, and of cus he ld take her side.
Get out of this situationship in the best tactful way you can! All the best
Dis is going to b a big problem in marriage. His mum n him will frustrate ur life. She will dictate all what happens in d housr. And offending her, will be loosing ur fiance, then husband. He also, has no respect from u. I will suggest u discuss these issues w him, if no change, pls move on.
ReplyDeleteStella you got it wrong this time around. Is it because you have boys? No,pls the guy is mum's boy and poster I bet you it can't stop. Why should he tell his mum everything ,even when you had a quarrel? What did the Bible says about a man leaving his father and mother? I have a wonderful mum in-law who minds her business. It doesn't mean she's not close to her sons. Poster think twice
ReplyDeleteBv @baby, God bless you for this comment. Groom and guide your sons don't interfere biko.
ReplyDeleteMy marriage counselor then was lamenting how her daughter's mother inlaw was getting too involved. The guy must consult his mother before doing anything. Who does that?!
Give your sons breathing space,we know you love them. Don't cause problems in their relationships and homes.
Mothers cry the most when their sons clock 40 and no wife. But they have pursued all the good girls.
I don't get how her prospective mother in law should immediately know when they have issues and even call about it almost immediately.This is meddling...@ poster...i don't see anything wrong in mother and son having a beautiful bond but I have always been private especially with my relationships and I would find it very weird having my mother in law call me about every issue we have..
ReplyDeleteThis your fiance na mister final say,your opinion doesn't matter,how you feel is not his business.
ReplyDeleteMother and son relationship is not a bad thing but with what you wrote up there!you are about to marry man's mum cause she will practically control that home.
Just in case you don't know it will get worst the moment you guys get married. Madam you need Solomon wisdom to handle this people
Unfottunately stella this has to be the most ridiculous advice i've ever read from a woman to another. I am a mother of a boy and sister to an only boy. God forbid the day i find this type of behaviour acceptable. I have 2 sisters and 1 brother, his relationship and girlfriend are his business. If my mother dares to butt in, she will hate herself. A woman that has raised her children properly has no need to be overtly involved in her childrens personal relationship. Poster i suggest you pack your bags and RUN! Misery is the only end result i foresee in this relationship!!!!
ReplyDeletePoster remove your shoes and run if you don't want to be know as married before. Son character bad, mother character bad, the in-laws have come with their own now. It won't work.
ReplyDeleteThe handwriting is on the wall:
Deletemene mene tekel upharsin
I'm so glad people are opposing to Stella's comment.
ReplyDeleteIt shows objectivity.
Poster ... a 37 yr old man has displaced his character before you, keeps echoing ' this is who i am'
It's either you adjust or walk away simple.
That's why he's still unmarried at 37. I'm sure most of the women he dated found this character repulsive
DeleteEvery man has one soft spot for their mothers but when they become mummy's Boy! That's trouble. Your man should grow up how will he feel if it's the other way round
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, please please please run! This situation is identical to mine in every way and I am now going through a contentious divorce. You will never never ever be happy in that relationship or marriage cause that man is not your partner and doesn't see himself as a partner. The Bible says two can't walk together except they be agreed, he is walking with his mother and not you. As for the insults, they will only multiply, I was desperate and married a similar guy and it was the biggest mistake of my life. You will spend your whole life trying to please him and his mother and they will keep moving the post so you can never reach it and you will be miserable! DONT DO IT! RUN!
ReplyDeleteStella, i put it to you that you wont be this irritating.
ReplyDeleteIn my experience, both my sisters are married to only boys. One with 6 sisters, the other with 2. One's dad was late when they married, the other was divorced from his wife for decades. So they both grew up with their mums. Yet, NO ONE comes between them and their wives - even as they were courting. Several times I saw respectful boundary demarcation to their mums. And everyone is happy and loving.
Let me tell you, a man that can't set the boundaries between his wife and his parents/family is setting himself up for disaster. You can talk to your mum for 10 hours a day (i'on kia 😐) but please talk about issues concerning you and the family. A 37 year old man doing that? Hehehe. No wonder he is single and no one is struggling him with you.
And as for the mum, she has entered her sons mind. Manipulative woman and her daughter knows that's why she cut her off. It would amaze you the things she did to them while their were growing up. How can she send you a text without asking the right questions? Can't she even tell him to sort his issues like a a man? Must she run his home?
And you too, who asked you to move in with them? And you're asking them to greet you. How would they greet you when you've reduced yourself to live-in-lover without bride price? 😂😂 they can't respect you like the girlfriend that comes and goes nne. They probably hear you moaning at night when your gbenshing. Don't pack out, dey there dey find respect.
I told a friend of mine the other day. I said: If every woman and related inlaw turns a blind eye to marrying badly behaved men, they would have no choice but to change. But no oh... once you leave him now one desperado will quickly rush in and marry, unto 'ticking time' and 'biological clock'. Then she will suffer this emotional torture for the rest of her life and tell you she 'kept her home'. And go on to empty her frustration on the innocent girl who marries her son. The cycle continues. Say NO TO BADLY BEHAVED MEN. And they will diminish.
..... Only in my dreams ☕
Theres always sum1 to swallow panadol for ur headache... bad or rotten attitude.
DeleteYea, that's true, maybe the first step is moving out.
Deletechikito always knows someone. nah wa o. how old r u again? ur life must be one interesting experience altho I envy u nt.
DeleteYes o. Self respect is really important. Why live with him when you guys are not yet married. And with all his cousins? Everyone 2geda. Thats family house mehn. See finish wahala go enter.
DeleteTalking from experience o. Never go live with a man in a family house abeg. They are still saying 'hi' next is 'how far' no be inlaw them?
Chai Chikito!!!!! U are too damn smart! I love you...u talk my mind finish...Thank you!
DeleteDear Poster, pls walk away from this SITUATIONSHIP.
Poster if you can't tolerate this at this very point. Is better you quit.or better still talk to your in-law and let her know how you feel. Politely oo. You Kuma you know how naija mama can be. 😂😂😂
ReplyDeleteso BEDS AND ROSES u dont know that from talking down at her it cld lead to physical abuse. come on so because she needs to get married u advise her to accept watever comes her way? she stated clearly that wen she tries to correct him he only replies with that's the way he is. for crying out loud he is not a boy that his mum nids to check on at intervals, and someone said berating her in front of his cousins is ok? chai c women accepting any kind of treatment jus because they want to answer married women...kai poster give urself brain ooo that guy no work at all. his mother will be in charge of ur home not u, she will decide the name to giv ur kids and blah blah blah. SHINE UR EYES OOO
ReplyDelete'Don't you get tired of quarreling'? 'My son doesn't tell lies'... A neutral person(mother) will ask what happened? Why are guys quarreling? See that right there is all the answers you need.
ReplyDeleteNever ever ignore your instincts and intuition. There's a reason your mind is not at rest. You don't have peace. Walk away right now, walk girl walk! I would never marry a man that resorts to insults when we are fighting.
Ps: unless you are terminally ill or you know you are dying in the next few months, don't accept that age is no longer on your side nonsense.
SDK, the way you talk sometimes is ...nawa!
Dear Poster, from your write-up, I see three things:
ReplyDelete1. The attitude of your man: he thinks he's doing you a Favour marrying you, a case of 'I'm a hot cake'. Statements like, 'that's the way i do my things, so you either take it our leave it' reeks of pride and arrogance and betrays the mindset of one who's consumed in and with himself. You are not his 'angel', his mother is his angel. So, It is no big deal for him to disrespect you. (Men, let's learn to respect our women, it's never beneath our dignity).
2. His closely-nit relationship with his mum which, in itself is not bad, but within the context of a relationship heading for marriage, is a cause for concern and disaster waiting to happen. Marriage is designed by God to be independent. It makes the person you are married to, your number one, even before your parents and siblings and friends. As a married man, matters concerning me and my wife are strictly private and where necessary, WE can choose to bring in someone or parents or siblings, if WE so agree. Your man obviously needs some tutoring.
3. Your attitude. You come across as a tight, inward-looking, sectional-minded person. Do you know that you can disapprove of some behavioral displays from your man without being irritable and combative? Many ladies miss it here. Your character is always on display in the way you handle offences and provocation. How you come across when you're provoked means a lot to your man and, to a large extent, it determines how he responds to you. Be wise.
Let me say this, weigh your options: don't you ever settle for what you cannot cope with! If you cannot cope with anything at all, there's a problem with you; if you can cope with everything, you are deceiving yourself; If you want to cope with everything, your self esteem needs to be worked on. I recommend you both sit under a relationship counselor and work things out before considering marriage. Cheers!
Relationship/Marriage Counselor
Hi there!
ReplyDeleteYou are going to marry your husband and his Mum, if u are gonna go ahead and u ain't see nothing yet.
My husband and his mum are also close, but nothing like yours. They are close in a way that I want my kid to be close to me and it makes me want to have a better relationship with my mum. I don't care what they talk about cos d mum does not shook her eye in anything and she even lives with us.
Honey that's d way if u live abroad. Na u go house people now. But my husband knows our deal. Once they find a job.They move out after 2 weeks.shikena.
I would not marry him if I were u.
poster,life and love is better than all the crap u'r putting up with.walk away.i was in a similar relationship.we broke up,i was 34.i was heartbroken but oh so relieved.never realised how nerve-wracking and debilitating the whole thing was till it was over.years later,i got married to the best man ever.we fight,kiss and make up,and fight some more.when it gets really bad we threaten ourselves with reporting to people we've both agreed can give the best counsel and whom we hold in very high regard(no family members here,they're biased for Africa). it's entirely our business,there's no threat as to how conditional his love for me is and peace reigns thus.plus it just makes the the business of getting on with life that much easier.God is able to give you his best.trust me,his hand isn't short.
ReplyDeleteStella, your response was just too harsh! Poster, what you wrote up there are red flags....can you cope with this forever? I just had to comment for the first time.
ReplyDeleteStella you wrong this time around! Poster, run! You deserve better.
ReplyDeleteI almost dated a guy like this. He was the last& only son of about 6 or 7 ladies.apart from his mother,his sisters were into him.infact his eldest sister quarrelled him wen he moved out to live on his own,cos he had a room in her house. His nieces had started following suit. I told myself this was a long walk to freedom.i moved away quietly.
ReplyDeleteBetter! My inlaw Na only son and last born of 6 sisters. Yet they have to ask for permission to even visit. He put them Straight from the start. They are all at peace oh, but no unnecessary drama. And that's the only way peace can reign.
DeletePoster call your fiance and tell him you are breaking off the engagement because of all these faults you listed above. If he is willing to change then go ahead but YOU NEED TO CALL HIS BLUFF if not he will mess you up in marraige. I am married to a first born/first son and he does not tell his mum everything.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster IF IT IS TRUE...I totally disagree with Stella..Nobdy wants to come to a family where there is no unity but hey He is a mama's boy and doesnt want to grow up..Dear poster you are DATING a PETER PAN...Its just introduction, if you cant bear the heat in the kitchen , I beg you RUN!!.. And Chill my dear, if they greet you hello, hi , whatsapp its no big , you are not Methuselah now so accept as you see me.. i dont see greetings as a big deal , i can even greet a 2 year child..so just be free..
ReplyDeletePoster you can see clearly the handwriting on the wall. Plsssss that marriage will not work. You won't be happy in that marriage. It happened to somebody I knew,her mum in law interfered to the extent of sleeping on the same bed with her son when he was sick,her reason was that the Daughter in law wasn't taking good care of the son,that was how the marriage ended.
ReplyDelete@Chikito God bless you...the best comment from you...Nagode..
ReplyDeleteFrom reading that red pen and some replies i just got very angry. A mother saying my son doesn't tell lies and that is okay? Normal.? Give me a break please
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm
ReplyDeletePoster if it was your mum that calls you 3 to 4 times daily will you have a problem with that? If you can't deal, leave! When you have sons, you will understand better. You want to ruin a bond that was formed for 37 years, not cool. Get close to her, shower her with attention, your bobo will be craving for your attention when his mother's own is divided for you two. If you can't, leave let him marry a more understanding lady.
ReplyDeleteWhy should ones mom be calling 3-4 times a day? Is the person 5years old? She's about to get married and by your advice, she's already needing to plot and plan how to get her fiancé's attention and focus. Na wa ooo. I pity her a few years down the line. Any woman that settles for that is not understanding but just desperate to get married.
DeleteThey way most of you comprehend simple writing is amazing. Tue poster isn't worried about the calls..she is worried that her fiancé's mum is in the know about everything going on in their relationship. What kind of man does that? And what kind of mother meddles into her children's marriage or relationship?
DeleteMother&Son relationship indeed... she couldn't ask you what happened between you and her darling son bur could conclude his son doesn't tell lies.. really? So you are the liar, always complaining.. her son is the saint meaning even if the son happens to slap you now, she would tell u you deserved it... your man issah momma's boy.. won't you give birth? When she comes for omugwor nkor? Will you be able to cope? Jes know dah he's gonna treat you shitty and won't have a second thought cos his momma would always support him.. Jes QUIT if you can't do THIS
ReplyDeleteSorry for ur dilemma now. But truth is Canada is one of most difficult & impossible place meet a "correct" man to marry!!!
ReplyDeleteIt's always either they r seriously dysfunctional (physical, mental, financial or social) as ur own case it's a man who is incoherent in his decision making & enjoys to gossip. Very childish & petty in character.
Since u have a good job or career & immigration papers, then why don't u look for a man outside of Canada. U may go & marry there, get pregnant, have children & organize ur family life in that way instead of getting stuck & badly damaged by pettiness & suffocated by in laws & extended family members in ur life as it is for u now in Canada.
Sometimes the best love is from far!!!
Many nigerian women who r desperate due to their age to quickly get married often end up in woes & unbelievable bad luck there in Canada.
The sharp ones who have foresight will immediately shift their radar for searching for a desirable man outside of Canada, even though it's more extra inconvenience dealing with long distance things, but more likely succeed at the end of the day in having happy family life than getting stuck in that Canadian marriage madness.
Mother&Son relationship indeed... she couldn't ask you what happened between you and her darling son bur could conclude his son doesn't tell lies.. really? So you are the liar, always complaining.. her son is the saint meaning even if the son happens to slap you now, she would tell u you deserved it... your man issah momma's boy.. won't you give birth? When she comes for omugwor nkor? Will you be able to cope? Jes know dah he's gonna treat you shitty and won't have a second thought cos his momma would always support him.. Jes QUIT if you can't do THIS
ReplyDeleteI am too tired to type but i will.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is a mama's boy like the one i married. He is learning bit by bit. Summary of our story;
Married at 34 and hubby 38. Mil came to stay for a short time and i liked the idea of the closeness, kind of cute. When i realised the manipulation going on, we had started fighting and physical abuse a couple or so times. While everyone else noticed the changes in me, I didn't - i became defenaive and on the edge from being cheerful and loving. Became to scared to upset him or talk about my feelings. Took the whole thing coming to a head and talking to counsellors to realise my marriage was becoming toxic. Police was involved and he got a caution. I had to look for a way to break free because if he gets arrested again, he goes straight to court. I liberated myself, didn't care about what he did anymore. I realised i had to make myself happy and he started telling my friends what was happening in our marriage. How i have changed (since i started to make myself happy). Started doing the things i like, helping the community and people. I told whoever he cared to report me to that i was ready to go my separate way as long as he files for divorce. He used to say he will focus on his wife and kids when we start having kids but till today, we have none. Maybe tomorrow will be filled with good news.
Then he started becoming nicer and more respectful, stopped talking to his mum every 6hrs. I started gaining my home back and love started flowing again. Mil visited recently and she could barely look at me for the one month she stayed. I felt sorry for her and i wished things can go back to normal but i have learnt not to let my guards down again.
Advice, be respectful but don't overdo it and don't compromise on what upu believe in. If you can pray, pray lack of understanding out of your house. Tell him never to insult you again and especially not in front of guests. Tell him to stop repoeting you to outsiders including his mum. If you have issues, he should talk to you. I am guessing that's why he hasn't been married for so long. We are all set in our waya but when you start leaving with someone else, you learn to compromise.
Stella, on this issue, i don't completely agree with you. I am a mother too, but I believe a time will come when I will give my children the space they need to be themselves with their spouses. Seems like this mother has a strong hold on the "boy" in question. Poster, if you cannot accomodate your MIL, dont marry him cuz when shit hits the fan, he will throw you out for her. Gosh I hate it when people don't respect boundaries. Why would he report every single quarrel to her? Hian! Sincerely, i believe you are heading for a disaster in the name of marriage. Run!
ReplyDeleteI never comment on issues like this before but I will on this..Stella said it all..All those miscreants saying bullshit should pray for a daughter in-law that will ruin there relationship with there son...The poster can't make a good wife and that's why she is still single at 33..You only ask for advise when you know you are doing wrong thing..
ReplyDeleteHoney, like I stated earlier, it's royally obvious that you cannot cope and the probability is high that both of you would end up bitter and miserable. However, if you are hell bent on marrying this man, I have a couple of tips may help.
ReplyDelete1. Spoil your man with love and attention. Go all out and "love him up" like a skilled vixen but do it with your dignity still intact. You can spoil a man with love without throwing yourself at him or choking him with attention. There's a delicate balance to be maintained. Give him his space but the few hours you choose to spend with him should be hot and spicy, yet sweet and tender. Be incredibly feminine. Don't nag, stop the complaints. You've been complaining but how effective has that been? Isn't it prudent to change the strategy if it's not productive?
Do you know why this strategy will work? The only way to loosen the grip a mama's boy has on his mama's apron strings, is by using loving hands. Sweetheart, this may sting a bit but I hope you know your man isn't in love with you? If you can turn on the charm and get him to see you differently,you can't make him love you but he will gradually become more fond of you and who knows where that will led?. The more you "trap" him with your feminine wiles, the less dependent he will be on mummy dearest. The only way to "wean" off his overdependence is certainly not through aggression and seeing his mum as your enemy. It's by love and affection, never underestimate the power of tenderness.
2. Make mummy dearest your ally and not your enemy. Call her at least 3 times a day, let's see how she can juggle yours and her son's calls. Lol! It's all about strategy. Call to ask how she's doing?, call to discuss the weather or whatever else tickles your fancy. Never bring up her son's issues during the calls, always find a way to make it all about her. Win her over with affection too. It would surprise you to learn that your man's attitude towards you will improve immensely. He talks down at you because he resents the way you relate with his mum and b*tch about their closeness(excuse my French). Another way to win a mama's boy over is to love the object of his affection as well, his mum.
I'll conclude with some sort of disclaimer. I will never advise any single lady to prove to any man that's she's wife material, it's he who should convince lady that he is husband material. The only man worth bending over backwards to please, literally and figuratively, is your HUSBAND. After he marries you, you then show him he made the right choice.You guys are already engaged to be married, so you've already gotten through the 1st hurdle. I still think you can do better and the better option is to call off the engagement. I have a feeling you wouldn't call it off and that is why I'm suggesting these strategies. Please, my love, be sure he is worth all the trouble. Personally, I don't think he is. But, hey! what do I know, right? Goodluck, something tells me you are gonna need it.
@Ay,miscreants?Because many did not agree with your myopic. Overentitlement mentality?Please, shooh over!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, there are so many issues with the guy, his family and your relationship.
ReplyDeleteIf there's a way you can move out and get your apartment, please do this for your own peace of mind.
second, your fiance, bf or whatever, needs to grow the hell up. If he doesnt grow up and learn to take sides with you instead of with his mother, you'll keep having this problem for a very long time. The mother needs a wife that she can control for her son since she makes decisions for him and if you're not the one, she's ready to give you the boot!
The guy will continue to see things his mother's way and will always choose her over you.
The moment his brother comes to Canada, it'll get worse for you if you do not move out because the guy will be there for the long haul and their mom will continually manipulate them against you. You'll end up being the bad person.
His cousins are the way they are because of his mom. she must have mentioned one or two things to their hearing about you, hence the disrespect.
Don't make yourself unhappy because you want to be married at your age. You'll end up either having to patch things up or divorce him if you decide to marry into this evil, manipulative family. Just saying.
First of all, there are so many issues with the guy, his family and your relationship.
ReplyDeleteIf there's a way you can move out and get your apartment, please do this for your own peace of mind.
second, your fiance, bf or whatever, needs to grow the hell up. If he doesnt grow up and learn to take sides with you instead of with his mother, you'll keep having this problem for a very long time. The mother needs a wife that she can control for her son since she makes decisions for him and if you're not the one, she's ready to give you the boot!
The guy will continue to see things his mother's way and will always choose her over you.
The moment his brother comes to Canada, it'll get worse for you if you do not move out because the guy will be there for the long haul and their mom will continually manipulate them against you. You'll end up being the bad person.
His cousins are the way they are because of his mom. she must have mentioned one or two things to their hearing about you, hence the disrespect.
Don't make yourself unhappy because you want to be married at your age. You'll end up either having to patch things up or divorce him if you decide to marry into this evil, manipulative family. Just saying.