STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
HUSBAND WITH BAGGAGE
Good day Stella,i hope thus mail meets you in peace. Here's my story,I just feel to share and also gain wisdom from beevees comments.
Good day Stella,i hope thus mail meets you in peace. Here's my story,I just feel to share and also gain wisdom from beevees comments.
I got married 4 years ago to a man I have know for twelve years now,he's four years older than I am,I met him on my first day in the university, he was in 300level and I was just getting in. I was twenty and I had a two year old baby who was a result of my first attempt at sex. Mr J became everything to me,my best friend,my elder brother,protector guardian.
Before I knew it,I was in love and the feeling was mutual. He would tell me everything and anything, he was the most truthful person I had ever met. After school, getting a job did t come easy for him,I remember praying and fasting for him to get a job,thankfully,after three years,he got a job that paid well and a year after,we got married...........
Then things changed.
He stopped telling me things,he started lying,he would talk down at me at every opportunity. A few months to our wedding, I went to learn makeup so as to start a makeup studio after marriage, he promised to help get the needed capital so I could have a source of income and also contribute to the upkeep of the house,but till now,that promised has not been fulfilled and I'm not surprised. He stopped bringing his salary home,and I resorted to begging everyone I know for money to feed. I don't know what he does with his money,many times,he has promised to change and start bringing home his salary,but nothing's changed in three years since he started this habit.
He says he owes a lot of money which he's trying to pay up ( I don't know when this happened). We have two kids now,and I do everything form feeding,to clothing the kids and myself,and even him most times,I have spent all my savings cause I can't stand to watch things going bad for these poor kids. What gives me sleepless nights is,I don't know what my husband has gotten himself into and I'm scared,he's so distant lately and so disconnected, like he's in a faraway state even when we are together.
We have not had sex in over six months,but that's the least of my troubles. Reporting him to his people is out of it cause he has "disowned" them (in his own words) . I know something is off with him,but I don't know what it is and the truth is I resent ( don't want to use hate) him for the type of life he's making me and my children live. Though he doesn't earn much,but at least 115,000 monthly should be able to do some things monthly even in this day Nigeria.
Our house rent has been due for months and I had to take my kids and stay at my parents place when the landlord started embarrassing us,you won't believe my husband came to join us there and my dad said I should not send him away because he may commit suicide. ( I'm scared so too) I'm sure my dad has seen some of the things I have noticed also.
I've tried so many times to have him confide in me,but he's been adamant. I'm losing my head. With two kids to fend for high blood pressure, then a grown up man who's......... Lord help me.
*Did he borrow money from somewhere to pay for the Marriage?Does he gamble?Is he on drugs?Are you sure he still has a paid job?
If you dont find out the problem,you can never find the solution!
Since he is in your father's house,its time for a face to face talk because it is so embarrassing that your hubby moved in with you to your parents house,he owes you an explanation!!!
Na waaaya. I dey come
ReplyDeleteOP,
DeleteI suspect your husband has lost his job but he doesn't know how to tell you.
Hire a private investigator to follow him
DeleteBetter still get one of those gps monitor, install it in this car, follow his movements, you will get your answer
Hire with which money??, the guy should just tell the truth to the girls family, the girls father should demand the truth from him with a command! But dear poster why didn't you get a job before marriage, why didn't you know why he disowned his family, all these things counts!
DeletePoster, sorry about what you are going through. Please pay more attention to your husband, major mental illness sometimes start like this. Talking to his family might help, not that you should report to them but talk to a close relative of his who has always known him so that you can compare his past and present behaviour . A major Change in behaviour sometimes is an early sign of mental illness. You can try to speak to a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist.
DeleteOne thing a man might find it difficult to explain to his wife is that
DeleteAnother woman is in control . . .
It is not a physical control but a spiritual one
Just like Ahab was on the throne but Jezebel was ruling
I know of such a case where a family friend who graduated as
a lawyer with very good grade and bright future
got hooked to a strange woman and left his family and became a
building contractor due to family connections
Every dime he earned was going to this lady for years
He cut off from his entire family and became "live in maid" to this lady
Nobody knew where he was.
His dad died he did not show up
A lot of things happened
Then the whole family began to fast and pray
Some were doing night vigils, some going to blessed sacrament etc.
One day, he showed up after about six years; looking disheveled and pitiable
He had been subdued and a once bubbly young man became an introvert
He literally began life afresh and is being helped by the family.
Please madam, fast and pray.
Exactly what came to my mind..he must have lost his job and just trying to keep up the act that he is still working.
DeleteWhatever the case pray for him, he is lost, maybe you should stalk him and know where he goes, even if he lost his job he can start looking for another, his problem seems to be more than his job loss, please speak to your dad to talk to him like a son so he can open up
DeleteAyam a 100% with Stella on this. You need to get to the root. Pray and fast poster.
DeleteI am sure he did MMM or gethelp and it failed or he put huge sum on bet9ja and it he didn't win.
DeleteYou may laugh bit it's true.
Its well sha
O kuku paro,in the quest for making it big ,he might have dug deep pit for himself
DeleteNa wa o. It is well
ReplyDelete1st attempt at sex and he ejaculated? As in you were in pains while he kept thrusting??? Doesn't add up but let me go back and continue reading
DeleteSomething is fishy. Yeye dey smell
ReplyDeleteA woman is collecting his money. Pray your husband out of the bondage he is in
ReplyDeleteNot everything is about side chick pls.
DeleteIt's possible this guy has lost his job and just pretending to be still working.
Smthn is fishy here.
Or perhaps he did some funny business that has gone bad and all his savings was in the biz.
Not everything is about side chick.
A girls husband i know is currently on the run because of biz gone wrong. He's owing ppl like 30m from a bad investment.
Even the wife doesn't know where he is. He calls once in a while from unknown no. Saying he is trying to raise the money. The girl had to return back to her papa house for village for her safety and the kids.
You need to really press your husband poster
Also pay him unexpected office visit. He may not even have a job again.
A woman is collecting his money. Pray your husband out of the bondage he is in
ReplyDeleteNa APC bad recession cause this. Since 2016 this buhari and his yeye ministers come into power, everything has gone from bad to worse. Sorry for una ooo.
ReplyDeleteThe man use the money for MMM. He cannot tell the wife he did mmm and see now, he is lying too much.
Madam sorry for the pain, make you manage am. na situation of country be this.
Continue praying to God to change situations for una.
No one is smiling again. When you look at people's faces, you will see wrinkles everywhere. Oga ooo
Na wah oh poster,you don't have a pastor praying for you?,..
ReplyDeleteYou should have 2 or 3 men of God wey dey see vision that should be doing prayers for you and your family...
No sane married Naija woman should be ignorant spiritually!!...
Things are happening in marriages!!..
Don't live in darkness
Linda eze na u de talk about having pastors to pray for someone?hian,wonders shall never end o!what about knacking of pigeons? D format no de work again?na wa o!!!smh
DeleteHmmmmm queen queen is ur account hacked or is dat you for real?
DeleteOn this a deep stooping should be done on him,in fact you need to hire an investigator to find out what the problem really its. Try and go through his phones,check the numbers he calls frequently,just do a deep check then like as Stella has said you need an explanations on things from him,and find out as well if he still works. I wanted to say he is planning on surprising you guys big but since you said he can't even pay his own rent then this calls for an alert.pls do a a deep check on him
ReplyDeleteEleyi gidi gan
ReplyDeletePoster he needs serious prayer.
Force him to talk biko.
Your father's house with you?? Egwu dikwa..
Hmmm..... never depend on anyone 100% with your plans. I'm not saying your husband can't support you, But he was your first and back up plan when you married. Not everyone is lucky putting so much trust in a man and having him stick to it. Well... this doesn't apply to you at the moment, so it's for others to learn from.
DeleteWhy does it seem like everyone is scared to talk to him and find out what's wrong? Your dad can at least ask naau. Or would he get upset and 'disown' him too? In his house? If you don't know the reason for his new attitude, you would keep being frustrated and you stand a chance of going this route even when things pick up. If he's not talking, snoop on his phone, ask his colleagues (that's if he still has a job sef) or even his best friend (I'm assuming he has one) or even that one's wife.
Also, if you're soemone who can't handle 'heavy' news and is too emotional, he would be thinking its best to keep such news away from you. I know this cos my mum used to be dramatic and we used to keep secrets from her. We would only tell her what she needs to know and well she gets pissed off when she finds out, but thats the way to avoid drama, crying, and even higher BP.
Keep praying for him and find another way to get the truth. Hes most likely involved in something he's scared to tell you about. Bad business, some influence or vice.
Na wa o.
ReplyDeleteContinue to disturb him, till you get answers from him. How can he follow you to your father's house? Also don't forget to table it to God, coz only Him will help you in situation like this. Xoxo
ReplyDeletePoster, I can see your husband inside a bottle by a side chick!
ReplyDeleteWhat you will do is to tell your family to reach out to him.You people should force him to open up.I think he might be passing through hell and pretending all is well.
Lastly,don't stop praying for him.Prayer is the key!
How do you know it's side chic? 😂 calm down.
DeleteYou can see?
DeleteSexy Seer...
Chikito have you forgotten I'm a Prophet?Lol
DeleteThis story sounds so much like someone i know. If your name in your native language started with Nand the English version is B. Pls contact me so we can talk and i can assist in my little way as well. That is only if you are the one. Contact me on facebook as you will know me from my email address. Thanks
ReplyDeleteGet ready for many Ngozis and Blessings...
DeleteGod bless.
Ginika are you Martins Arinze's wife?
DeleteNo i am not Martin’s wife and i am not married
DeleteIt is either he is owing, duped, or something else, but he must have made a reckless financial decision that he is scared to tell you. Come down to his level and let him know that you are in it together. No matter what it is, you can start all over again. Life is sometimes like that.
ReplyDeleteCame to join you at your parents house ke??*huh* What nonsense is that?
ReplyDeleteIf d shameless man is not ready to open up and tell you whats really up like he used to do. Send him away from there pls and think of what to do with ya life and two kids.
Its not that easy to send him away like that when love is involved and him being the father of her kids,someone who helped you her when things weren't good with her. It's either he is in a big financial mess...being duped or scammed..or a lady is . You v got to find out yourself cos he may not tell you. Its well.
DeleteSandy Yo
DeleteHe is shameless?
A man who took care of her in school even with her baby. Are you serious?
You better change your attitude
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Lols... Sandy you scare me!
DeleteDontQuoteMe™
How kwa @ Elastic?😊😁 You men can make someone kolo atimes jor. Just imagine how d man is indirectly torturing his partner instead of being open so they can know how to tackle it or something.
DeleteTell your father to sit him down and have a man to man talk. Let him get him to confide in your father. Alternatively, get his close friends. There should be one of them that he can talk to.
ReplyDeleteOR
SNOOP!!!!!!!
SNOOOOOOP!!!!
PLS SNOOOOOP OO!!!
Dear Poster: There is something wrong somewhere..There is a breach in all these..he cant just change like this all of a sudden..I Think First of all, Let there be a meeting between your parents and his parents since he is now in your father's house and wouldnt want to show his disrespect in-front of your dad...Also get someone who he respects very well to intervene..You need to share your problems to get solutions, you are too young to carry this burden..Speak out now and dont keep quiet because you are gonna help both his and your own sanity..
ReplyDeleteIm sure he used company's money or borrowed a huge sum of money to do ponzi that flopped big time..time
ReplyDeleteI Dont envy you now dear.
Please let your parents talk to him like their own son so he can open up, what's all rubbish na????
#smh
See stress on you o....
I wan't raised to be the bread winner o, if you can't meet up to your responsibilities as a husband and father, make God push you out of my life o.
Cos I CANT DEAL......TUFIAKWA!!
Maybe he's lost the job?please make him talk fast before he things go worse!!
ReplyDeleteThere chronicle writer. Your husband most likely is a chronic gambler. My ex husband still is. I had to leave him before I ran mad. They would be nice to you before marriage but after marriage, you see hell on earth. They never have money, they borrow to gamble, and they use their salaries to gamble and pay debts. They are always indebted. Look around his stuff and you would see signs of gambling. It is an addiction that is difficult to overcome. You can choose to remain in bondage or take a walk. Whatever you wanna do, it's all up to you. Some people would tell you to pray for him. They have not had a chronic gambler as a husband!
ReplyDelete*Dear*
DeleteYou made a lot of sense.
DeleteHonestly, I fear marrying someone who has a vice I know not of; even more than a cheating partner.
DeleteWow! This is serious!
DeleteThis is my life right now... Its the worst vice of all. I found out after the wedding. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts bad. Its like you described my husband up there
DeleteReason I left my ex.....Jisos........
Delete.nigga can gamble!!!
They always believe the next one will turn them to billionaires, you need to see this guy analyzing odds as far back 80s......lmao
With "I have a new formular baby, the Lord has opened my eyes to see the real deal"
He gambled for years and I had to give myself brain.
My business Money I borrowed him all went down the drain.
I thank God for God sha.
Try see if u can get him to talk to u about his problems n if not pls involve ur dad, I'm distinctly sure he will have something to say to him.
ReplyDeleteHe may not have a job and not want to tell you, or has picked up a vice probably something addictive taking all his money. You need to talk to him let him know he has to put all his cards on the table and you would help him get out of this rut or you would take a walk.
ReplyDeleteTell ur parents to try and find out. Maybe he has votten himself into sumtin silly. Hmmm. It is well.
ReplyDeleteGotten himself *
DeleteIf he has disowned his parents then I'm sure he still respects yours..so get your dad to do a one-on-one with him to find out what's happening with him. He needs to stop being selfish and self centered and speak up. he should know you and the children are suffering because of his silence. He may have even joined a cult and have been sworn into silence at the risk of his life. Don't hate him just yet...you never said anything about him being extravagant or a flirt so those areas are ruled out....all you need do is get someone he respects to talk to him and find out what the problem is....I know its tough on you and the kids...but remember that wasn't how you met him...something is very wrong with your husband based on association...coz this started when he got a new job...show him love and let him know he can count on you again...don't be his enemy...get someone to talk to him before you lose him.
ReplyDeleteCan't you go to his work place and find out if everything is okay there or get someone in his workplace to help you find out what's up?
ReplyDeleteNkan nbe.
ReplyDeleteSeems your guy is not stable upstairs, he moved into your father's house?
Fix it Lord.
ReplyDeleteYou said you fasted and prayed for him to have a job and he did, have you fasted and pray for yourself to have a job too?
ReplyDeleteMarried and living single.
ReplyDeleteYour husband did like what that other poster of few days ago want to do, maybe he collected loan to plan wedding, buying things for wedding, clothes,shoes, rent a good apartment and furniture it, and every month money will be deducted from his salary for years. My cousin forced her man to do this, there marriage was so miserable for the past few years.
ReplyDeleteOr your husband collect money buy land or maybe he has a wife and kids somewhere else
ummm...there is something apening around him jux try to speak to him n I pray God help you
ReplyDeleteMaybe he has no job anymore and doesn't know how to tell you
ReplyDeleteYour husband owe you some explanations however don't give up on him yet
ReplyDeleteThis one weak me
ReplyDeletePoster I'm truly sorry for what you are going through. Like Stella said, I also suspect your husband has lost his job or something terrible is going on. I believe there should be someone he respects (maybe a religious leader). Get that person to persuade him into coming up with the truth. If you have no one like that then it's time your dad (I believe he's an understanding man for allowing him stay with you) have a heart to heart chat with him man to man to come up with whatever the issue is. Let him know you are not there to judge him but stand him.(and please don't judge him when he spills even if you have to take a walk after that).
ReplyDeleteNow to all the young ladies. Stop marrying people who have "disown" their families (if he disowns his family, it's easy for him to disown you). Before marriage, try and let him reconcile with his people either than that you will be left alone without anyone to run to when the going becomes though and you need someone to talk to him.
Poster, I wish you all the best. May the good Lord see you through.
its eithier gambling, or he has another woman or kids somewhere, or he has been sacked and he doesn't know how to tell you. He is keeping something vital from u
ReplyDeletePlease poster try to find out your own way the things stella listed out there, since he is not giving you the answer you need, please get a man of God involved for findings
ReplyDeletePoster, you need to visit a prayer house for solution, dont just sit and be watching.your hubby need serious prayer oh.
ReplyDeleteI don't think pple "just change" something probably prompted the change and it needs to be tackled frm the root.poster , u hv lots of work to do but first, investigate n find out wen exactly ,how and what led to this problem. It might probably be frm u since he was sweet at the beginning
ReplyDeleteDear poster Stella just said it all.
ReplyDeletePoster try and know his health status. It could be that he has an illness he is hiding from the family. Tell illness could be the reason he don't bring anything to the table, maybe he is spending on medications. I'm saying this because it happened to my dad, he was ill and was covering up so we won't know, he stopped bringing money. My once lovely father changed overnight, every responsibility rested on my mother including buying bathing soap for him. We children hated his attitude, we stopped being close to him, we thought he was spending on another woman not until he opened up to us.
ReplyDeleteU made a whole lot of sense .....my sister's husband case rite nw
DeleteBut why would a man disown his family? poster who will you run to if anything happens to him? he needs to open up to you.
ReplyDeletePoster I understand what u are going through my mum suffered for years.i did d investigation fund out my dad was a chronic gambler imagine people coming to your house every day to tell u that your hubby is owning them certain amount that is not close to his salary. My mum was payino debt till she finished the capital for her biz. Poster try and employ d service of a private investigator
ReplyDeletePoster....you're married to this man, you should have mastered ways by which you can cajoled him to open up to you. Do everything possible for him to tell you what really happened to him and maybe you can look for solutions together
ReplyDeleteSnooping would have made you much wiser...but you're #teamnosnoop
ReplyDeleteYour father should talk to him and since he found his way to his house to live in means he still has respect and regard for him. If that fails and he doesn't say anything meaningful, hack the heck out of his phone or get a PI to get the info you need. Whilst doing this, don't forget to pray...Pray until something happens, pray until he comes clean with you and you know exactly what is sinking your marriage. A praying wife and mother is a dangerous woman.
I pray you get the answers you seek and that it is not and bad as you fear, I also pray that God restores your husband and gives you the type of home you wish for.
This is so serious, stop feeding him stop showing him you have money close your eyes and let him perform his responsibilities.
ReplyDeleteEwwwww... Madam, this one is deeep!
ReplyDeleteIf you could pray and fast for him to get a job and God granted you your request, do same for this issue on ground.
HE still answers prayers. Only believe.