OUT OF LOVE WITH HIM
I am barely 3 months in marriage and I have been unhappy since then.
I dated my husband for 5 years. In those 5 years, he was emotionally abusive to me. Always making me feel like he didn't want me even though he didn't have another girl. We would break up and make up.
In January this year, I walked away because we had been engaged for 3 years and he never wanted to hear the marriage talk.
After a prayer session one night, I got a dm from one guy. This guy had sent me a dm months ago during one of our break ups but I didn't reply. So that night I got his dm for the second time, I replied and we got talking.
I felt like I had known him all my life. He used to call me his soul mate and he was everything my man wasn't.
We started dating and he proposed under 3 months. I met his family. We had a wedding date picked. The snag was that he was a Muslim and they said I had to be converted before we could get married. I spoke to him about letting me remain a Christian but he begged me and said I had to do it for our kids sake that it's not good if a family practices different religions. So I accepted.
Prior to that, his mum never stopped mentioning his ex. She liked her because she used to go and her clean and cook and stay in her shop. I couldn't do that because I was working and why start what you can't finish. Though whenever we visit her, I made it a point of duty to help her.
My ex started disturbing me for a reconciliation and he kept saying he was going to kill himself. His friends and family called me that he wasn't stable so I agreed to see him. When I saw him, he had emaciated. I cried and I felt for him but I was happy where I was despite the snags.
My dad said I shouldn't marry a Muslim and started planning my wedding with my ex.
I and my Muslim boyfriend planned to elope before the date. He went ahead of me and I was supposed to join him few weeks later. The plan never worked and I told him I'll just attend since its only going to be a traditional wedding and afterwards, I can come and meet him but he blocked me everywhere.
I have been crying since June.
I'm unhappy and I don't love my husband. I have prayed for the holy spirit to let me love him again but it's not working.
I want to leave here. Would I be doing the right thing?
I no understand this chronicle. Is it your husband you want to leave or your muslim boyfriend, i no understand again.
ReplyDeleteLet me go and eat cooked groundnut with zobo
Hahaha... let me help you explain she wanted to marry a Muslim instead of her present hubby. You are not a serious person poster, you married out pity though the Muslim wasn't a better choice cus if he really loved you they will not have been trying to convince you to convert. You are already married try and love your hubby, I guess he is no longer abusive so just keep praying and doing your part cus I cannot advice you to divorce
DeleteAnother desperado. If you ask me, I'll say none of them was right for you but since you are already married and God hates divorce, your husband is yours now and you must make it work. Find ways to love him. I'm more concerned about the emotional abuse. Has it stoped? Won't it graduate to physical abuse when things are a bit rough?
DeleteHmmmmm. Uwa mmebi
LMAO, she wants to eat her cake and still have it.
DeleteYou went to see him he was emaciated, you cried with him. Then you wanted to elope with your muslim bf, he left before you then you married traditionally to your abusive ex bf now hubby right. Madam you don't even have any reason marrying because you are one piece of confused person. You don't have a mind of your own. You are married now, try and live your hubby okay. In every marriage the 1st one to two years is the hardest. Abeg do want pleases you cos me am almost getting confused sef with your situation.
DeleteThis story looks so familiar. Looks like I read something like this on Nairaland. Let me guess the guy's name, starts with a T.
DeleteOnome thank you for breaking it down, I was struggling to understand the chronicle. You are married so please stay with your husband oh , it is too early to be unhappy.
DeleteIt is called facing the consequences of our actions.
Who is this dull poster, u are happy with a man and ready to darn consequences but still go ahead to marry an ass...you have laid you bed, I hope he doesn't beat u. This guy is crazy, better don't get pregnant for him. Run for your life and not to your Muslim ex. You are talking holy spirit but was ready to change to a Muslim.
DeleteShaking my head for you, you have no kind of your own, marriage is not for you now till you can grow up
Na wa oh. I'm as confused af. Who did you end up getting married to?
ReplyDeleteThe Muslim guy u were to elope with or your emotionally abusive ex?
I have no advice for u cos u succeeded in confusing me.
Come back and explain.
She got married to her ex
DeleteYou nearly lost me o... Phew
ReplyDeleteShould love be this complicated Bikonu...Are sure the other guy didn't jazz your marriage to scatter 🤔
This chronicles is above me....
ReplyDeleteWhat is this?? This is scary ooo
But what should we do now? Why were you desperate that you refused to set your priorities right before you agreed to marry him? Well, I pray you get to love him as time goes on
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Starry Larry is read this chronicle and my spirit just for upset.
DeleteExactly what should we on sdk do for her when she couldn't make a good choice for herself.
I keep telling ladies that marriage is not by force.
Like some of my friends will say if they get to a certain age and the right guy doesn't show its either they go to a sperm Bank to impregnate themselves or they pack their bags and go live in the abroad where no uncle or aunty or friend will be bothering them about marriage.
Life shouldn't be only about marriage, the desperation of some girls can make you hate the institution called marriage.
LEP😛
We should come and help her pack her load from her husband's house.
DeleteOga gan oh
ReplyDeleteSo poster you would have actually switched your religion over a man? Una dey try sha!
Better find a way to spice up your life and marriage
Marrying the muslim guy that blanked you out could have still had issues anyways. The Lord will fix it.
ReplyDeletePlease o. I yam not understanding. Woz going on here. Abeg someone explain it to me.
ReplyDeleteI think she married her ex..the one that is/was emotionally abusive
DeleteU had a traditional marriage with your abusive ex and still thought u can elope with your bf that is a Muslim?
ReplyDeleteWhy do people have fish brain?
Why didn't u just tell your father that u won't be attending the so called trad marriage and leave the house on that day?
Even the bible recognizes payment of dowry. If u had married your bf, it means you'll be committing adultery.
You r married to your abusive husband so it's either u stay put or you walk out.
Never marry out of pity. Now your husband is happy and you are sad.
Women!!!! Learn to use your head and not your heart
Nne she didn't even use her heart, she used her parent's heart.
DeleteOk. U married your abusive emaciated ex.
ReplyDeleteSorry.
Were you hypnotised into marrying him?
Am I confused or the chronicle sender is confused?
ReplyDeleteI was hoping to read something different from a sawdust brainfilled poster.
this is obviously yeye chronicles season..una well done
DeleteOh dear!!!!
ReplyDeleteHere we go again!
Where you forcef to marry him
DeleteAre you a child that you couldn't open your eyes and choose for yourself a good man that loves you unconditionally and who u love also
When you were marrying him where we there?
You people will send in stupid chronicles as if they tied ur hands and legs and carried you to his house
Infact I am no longer reading any more chronicles
How an adult female who go into marriage with someone they don't love amazes me
Are you 12,infact just for away
😠😠😠😠😠😠
LEP😛
Poster I don't understand what I read.
ReplyDeleteOputalu na okpuu isi amaghi akpu ka obu na aguba adighi nko?
Let me read again and know if it is my fault or yours because ayam not understanding any of your write up
Lolz..
DeleteI weak oooo😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 chaaaai!!! It's deeper than we thought yesterday
DeleteLol! I've never been confused my entire life 😩
DeletePoster come back and rewrite this thing abeg
😂😂😂
DeleteMy dear
DeleteI think we need a break from chronicles😩
IBK we sure need a break oh!.what is this?abeg this one pass me and I weak to even comment.
DeleteOla e weak me pass you. 😂
DeleteUgegbe m this one deep pass the depth of the ocean. 😂
Dreamcatcher I no know say you dey dey confuse.. Lol
Lmao @Ibukun... What to do nau
Elopement is never "a right thing"
ReplyDeleteWhich "Holy Spirit" are you mentioning; did the Holy Spirit tell you to marry a muslim that has an ex?
Don't you know that you will have three other co-wives?
When the chips are down girl, your dad and mom are the ones you have as shoulders to cry on.
👍Chai you just save me the stress of typing what's on my mind.
DeleteAll i can say is Jesus take control!
ReplyDeleteSo now my dear how do u want us to help you?
ReplyDeleteGood question!
DeleteWhy did you marry your husband out of pity madam? I don't think leaving him now is the best option, you just have to stay and try to allow love grow between you two, you both can go somewhere for an holiday and madam try to erase that Muslim guy from your heart if truly you want to love your husband again.
ReplyDeleteI actually don't think you should be in a relationship/marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou keep compromising what shouldn't be compromised.
First, it was the emotional abuse
Now, it's your religion.
Why don't you take a break? From the two of them and get yourself together.
And please don't pray when you already have another plan in your mind, it's either you are leaving it God to sort, or you are helping yourself.
Brainless girls everywhere!
ReplyDeleteYou want to "elope" with a Muslem?
Chai,
Marriage has finished women!
I'm done. None of those two guys sound right sef.
ReplyDeleteThis your story is a bit confusing. I take it you are married to your ex.
ReplyDeleteWhat I will tell you is forget the Muslim guy. Now you are married.
Being unhappy or happy is a decision. You can decide to be happy. You can decide to make it work. Love is a decision and a commitment.
Some days you won't feel the emotion that comes with love. Keep being positive.
You can have a good and happy marriage if you want. Its all in your hands.
Dont really understand this your story... Read it twice
ReplyDeleteWhat did you write again,your dad force you to marry your ex?
Lemme just read comments
ReplyDeleteConfused
ReplyDeleteHow old are you??? That will make you parents plan your marriage for you without you taking part..
ReplyDeleteAyam not understanding!!
My dear, u just dodged a bullet.
ReplyDeleteYou should never change your religion for anyone. You should only do that because u want to not because you are desperate to get married (that's how u sound).
Cry oh. But just thank God afterwards
Chai! Eka joy say cry o but tgank God later. Lool!
DeleteOh,u later married. I didn't even read ur last paragraph.
DeleteSo what exactly are u crying about?
Chronicle enu ojo meta yi🤐,won sepe fun gbogbo yin ni,ori gbogbo yin ti gbale!
ReplyDeleteEnglish please.
DeleteLady Bug, you are very correct
DeleteOri gbogbo won ti gbale ni
Oro radarada lo ma ni Ka wa dasi ni sdk you
LEP😛
Haaaaaaaaa Lady Bug don vex seriously. As in, your comment is the bomb.
DeleteJostified Mom I wish you can read and understand
*Larry was here*
Hmmm... Eleyi gidi gan.
ReplyDeleteI dont know what to say to you poster bt i dont tink u shud be in a loveless marriage. Try talking things out with ur dad, let him see how miserable u are with u new hubby, bt as for the other muslim dude? Please forget him.
I'm beginning to understand small.
ReplyDeleteSo traditional marriage is what you called ordinary.? Poster, traditional marriage is our culture and white wedding is borrowed. Trad is the main thing.
Judging from your write up, you don't know what you want.
The two guys are big no.
But since you married your ex, you have to forget about the Muslim guys because even if you marry him you will know that your present husband is the fair option.
Open your mind and watch love flow.
To me traditional marriage is the koko
DeleteHahahahaa chike me never still understand o.
DeleteLmao @BlackBerry.
DeleteLet me explain what I understand.
She 1st met her husband who was abuse when they were dating.
She left him for the Muslim guy and her ex(now husband) came back and begged her. Her father forced her and she married her ex. Now she wanted to run away with her Muslim bf but the Muslim guy dumped her because she has done traditional marriage with her ex(now husband)
Ibukun true. Traditional marriage na the koko
*guy
DeleteTraditional marriage is the main naau. White wedding is just ceremony. I dont know where to start insulting this poster from.. who knows? She might be sobbing in one corner so let me free her
DeleteSome ladies shaa... Una own dey una body
ReplyDeleteI am so confused
ReplyDeleteGod save one from all this headache induced chronicles
Na WA
Na real WA
Na wa for all the chronicles since Friday last week,lol! I am confused,walahi!
ReplyDeleteStella wan burst my brain ooo since Friday fa! arrrrh poster who are u married to your ex abi the Muslim guy... abi na only me confuse for this matter?
ReplyDeleteIlorin BV,welcome "fa" 😅
DeleteDo you even have an idea about what you want? Where is your self worth babe? You endure emotional abuse and still stay in the relationship and lose yourself bit by bit. You change your religion to be with a man. Do you know what it means to convert?
ReplyDeleteYou are just been pulled from different angles. Change to Muslim..u change...forgive the abuser...u forgive...elope...u agree...marry the abuser...u marry.
Lady you really have no business being in a relationship right now let alone a marriage till you find yourself and know who you are.
You are living your precious life by trial and error and it is unfair to you. What do you really want in life?
Exactly!,when you don't have a clear cut definition of who you are, and have concrete principles in life that define who you are and how you live,Anything life throws at you,you swallow hook,iine and sinker.
DeleteAunty marriage is not a joke,you can't be playing what if,if your now husband wasn't what you wanted in a husband,you were free to take a walk and stand by your decision.You clearly saw a family you were not welcome in,you were willing to change your religion to please,not truly because you want to be a Muslim, but because you want to be accepted. What is the guarantee that even after converting,you will be accepted?.If you truly are a Christian and want your marriage to work,You need to let go of whatever sentiments you have against your husband and let go of your so called feelings for another man and start all over to Love,respect,submit to and honour your husband with the help of the Holy spirit.. If you don't care about divorce as you clearly have no clear cut religion you stand by,leave the man alone and go chase your fantasies,you will be doing you both a world of good.good . With your state of mind,I can clearly tell you,you are not doing him a favour by staying in that marriage,he is better off without you
Let me help to answer, Marriage is what she wants in life
DeletePoster you cannot serve two masters at the same time .why will you leave light and enter darkness . both men are not for you. If u must marry the moslem guy ,you should be allow to practice your own religion unless you don't believe on who you are serving
ReplyDeleteWork your marriage since you are already married to your abusive man and try and find happiness
What makes you think the moslem man won't marry more wives after marrying u?
Tiwa
Poster because of prick u unfollowed Jesus!! Nawa
DeleteMadam you are very very selfish
ReplyDeletePlaying ludo with that muslim guy life Infact u and ur ex deserve each other. Mumu story
Better focus on your marriage and try to make it work. Aldo stick to the traditional marriage and dont do court for now. Learn to love your man again. Do not marry from a family rhat the MIL already has issues with you or prefers a certain ex you will be so unhappy and you will regret the action. I dont even want to mention you marrying a muslim that is another drama. I can see you dont have a relationship with your God.Madam think if well.
ReplyDeleteI have been having a messed up Monday so I'm going to be blunt.you are not only confused, spiritless and docile but you are evil. I'm sure if the tables were turned and you were the victim (which obviously you are not ) in this situation you will champion the 'men are scum' movement. I can't get over the fact you went ahead with a wedding just to leave your 'husband ' for another man later!! , Emotional abuse is not an excuse for such villainy, you could have simply walked when you noticed the signs.work on yourself and come clean to the poor 'boy'maybe you guys might work it out or you might just lose him too.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, are those the only men in the world? Why don t you move on from both of them?
ReplyDeletelol @ Eka Joy- "Cry oh. But just thank God"
ReplyDeletePoster, you are already married. Your husband is not your ex-boyfriend so stop referring to him as one. He is your husband. You dated him for 5 years and now the attraction is no more there. I think you need to forgive him for all the ways he has wronged you in the past, present and in the future. Forgive him for all his future sins. He just doesn't know better.
You could talk to him , but if na yoruba, he wont hear. Just take him as he is. Also, always remember, the grass isnt greener on the otherside. All men, I take that back, all human beings have their own shortcoming.
The fact that you pray to the Holy Spirit to help you to love him shows that you care about him but he just isnt treating you right. You need to pray more for a forgiving spirit and start looking out for his good sides. You could make concious efforts to write down good things about him...and keep thanking God that you have a real man.All men are work in progress. Most don't even know how to talk to a human being. They vomit shit . Power intoxicated yoruba men mmttcheeww. Yet, without us, they are helpless.
I just cant imagine the look on your face when he touches you. Abeg... you just remind me of DH. Infact what is D about him? Just forget about the second guy. He should allow you focus on yourself and life. Even if your hubby is a mistake, live with it. afterall, we all make mistakes in life.
Hahaha..... You mean she's married but she doesn't even know abi? 😂
Deletemy dearest sister, why do you want to change religion? because of marriage? i think your Muslim boyfriend and n his people has jinxed you. pls, be very careful. Workout your marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhy are girls so desperate like this..It shows you are so confused and complicated as your write-up..Where is your self-esteem, woman?? You are not emotionally mature enough and your parents were suppose to guide you, but you all lost it..What advice do you want again?? You mentioned Holy Spirit and you claimed you prayed, you were obviously looking for ''fleeces'' which is why you felt the muslim guy was the one and you didnt allow the Holy Spirit to direct you...Emotional Abuse is even worse to me than DV(my opinion)..Haaa Am sorry dear, you laid your bed so lay on it..
ReplyDeleteHer self esteem got angry at her mumuness and left.
DeleteI am so angry reading this chronicle.
LEP😛
if he was that bad why date him for 5 years, it is all about the money jor probably the moslim guy is richer, life is a choice u better start loving your husband.
ReplyDeleteThe rate wey ladies come dey desperate for marriage kai, na wa marriage dey carry women go heaven/
ReplyDeleteThis is serious oooo,from your write up, u must be a small girl. Y do ladies rush into marriage? I married late but am thankful to God.
ReplyDeletePlease work on your marriage. Hope you didn't tell him how you planned to elope with another man after your traditional marriage.
ReplyDeleteAnother scattered chronicle again...
ReplyDeletePlease don't be so unstable,why change your religion for a Man U barely know?see what the guy you have known for ever did/still doing to you?you should have avoided the marriage with all your strength,u need to work on yourself First Lady,may God help you!!
ReplyDeleteHow can you marry out of pity and expect to be happy. Now you want to leave the marriage after 3 months, my dear give yourself brain and learn to love him. You had the chance to avoid all this nonsense but out of pity or desperation, you went ahead. Only God knows how the Muslim one would have turned out. My advise to you is try to work on your marriage and see if you can be happy. Goodluck
ReplyDelete.
ReplyDeleteAny of these statements sounds familiar to you?
ReplyDeletePack your things and leave my house!
Today you are leaving my house!
This relationship is over!
You are a mistake I can’t live with forever!
You are an accursed thing and must leave today!
It’s not by force…leave my house today!
It’s not a must I stay married to you, just go!
Since I married you, nothing good has ever happened to me, I am done with you.!
Everything you touch spoils, check yourself.
Every coven you take my name to keep me stagnant
You witch, you disguise as someone else and appear to me in my dreams to harm me.
I need joy in my life and I need to go in search of it.
That is man for you. Just Live your life. You don marry so, move on to the next agenda. Running off with one Muslim boyfriend will only complicate your life.
I pray God fills your heart with so much joy that you will not look to your hubby for happiness.
Pls work on your marriage. Love can be developed. Continue praying God will answer you,but am stupefied you want to marry a Moslem. That your Moslem guy will be worst than your hubby,moreover he will marry three more,at the end you won't make heaven.
ReplyDeleteWhere you forcef to marry him
ReplyDeleteAre you a child that you couldn't open your eyes and choose for yourself a good man that loves you unconditionally and who u love also
When you were marrying him where we there?
You people will send in stupid chronicles as if they tied ur hands and legs and carried you to his house
Infact I am no longer reading any more chronicles
How an adult female who go into marriage with someone they don't love amazes me
Are you 12,infact just go away
😠😠😠😠😠😠
LEP😛
Na wah for this poster. Anywayz... You are married now. Enjoy ya new emaciated husband. Love yourself first if you are ever going to learn to love him. You seem like someone that looks to others for happiness. Babe find your swag, get your groove on, love yourself with all your heart and then maybe you will learn to love him. If you can't find it in your heart to love him, waaaaaaaalk away baby! And don't forget to marry yourself while you are at it.
ReplyDeletei tire for some babes o, why is it so hard for them to reason before they act.Friday,saturday,sunday and today's chronicles,i will all put you in my prayers tonight.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what wrong with all these ladies.
DeleteMadam sannu fa, you think traditional wedding is a birthday party that you will attend and elope later with your bf? Seek mercy and forgiveness from God for trying to convert because of a man before praying for your marriage. Since your husband is not abusing you again, I suggest you stay and work it out since you stayed for 5 years.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand this your chronicles mbok.
ReplyDeleteI will advise you to stay in your marriage and learn to love your husband.If he's a changed man,pls stay and make it work bcos leaving him for the Muslim guy doesn't guarantee happiness or happy ending.What if he doesn't want you back?
ReplyDeleteI think we need to re-school this generation what love truly means, i see its been so misunderstood that people get themselves into unnecessary emotional turmoil, all in the name of love. Most people have enslaved themselves to their emotions such that where their emotions go, they follow. So, some end up 'loving' criminals, serial killers, cheats, and the like, not because they are unaware of their status, but because they have feelings for them. Sad. Love is a decision, not a feeling. Feelings follow, they don't lead. Take note, Ladies.
ReplyDeleteHawk-Eyed
Yes Hawk-Eyed👍
DeleteAnon 18:24. I'm telling you! This ignorance and foolishness has become an epidemic.
DeleteLet me tell you my story, I was in love with a Muslim guy before I met my husband so in love that I was thinking of finally getting married to him cos he promised me I will practice my religion and he will practice his. Truth be told I love this guy cos he is fun to be with and very romantic more than my then boyfriend now hubby but I have to think twice cos I get to realise that love alone cannot make a successful marriage I have to borrow myself brain and go for my guy am happy to tell you today that have been married for 4 years and have not for any reason regret marrying my husband. My sister my ex is now a polygamist he married the second wife barely two years he got married I said it to his face that I thank God I never make the mistaking of getting married to him. Your happiness is in your hands since you've gotten married to him build your life with him and make yourself happy don't build your happiness on fallasy and lust. At times the mistake we women make is that we can't differentiate between love, lust, feelings and emotion. Abeg je kori e pe before you dash your home to someone wey need am
ReplyDeleteWhen you are desperate, you are bound to make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteGood judgement flies out of the window.
I thought I was a smart adult but the chronicles I've been reading in the last few days seems to have done my head in.
ReplyDeleteLmao!
DeleteSee how you said the "after he begged me to change I accepted. I don't understand. Have you ever accepted Jesus to be your Lord and personal saviour? Do you believe in his death, burial, and resurrection? do u have a mustard seed faith at all? I don think so, beacuse no amount of begging should easily convince you to loose the kingdom of heaven.
ReplyDeleteNow you have indirectly denied Jesus, bikonu carry your cross.
it's bn said that happy and divorced couples encounter the same conflicts. it's for u to choose to overcome and manage the ones u r experiencing.
ReplyDeleteU mentioned the Holy Spirit I wonder y u didn't ask Him b4 now. Now it's too late to go back bcoz He hates divorce.
Ask to bring pour new wine into ur marriage and He sure will. All d best
The devil you know is better than the angel you don't know.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand o...these last three chronicles..young ladies walking into bad relationships with their eyes wide open...young ladies love yourselves and look for self esteem,buy it if they sell.find it somehow ....develop yourselves..
ReplyDelete