STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WALKING OUT OF A BAD MARRIAGE IS GOOD...
Dear Stella thanks for this platform.....
I have read a lot of chronicles and comments on this blog where mothers claim they are staying and holding on to a bad and abusive marriage just because of their children saying they don’t want them to grow in a single parent home. Here goes my view as a child in such home
I grew up in a Christian home; in fact my parents are respectable pastors in our small community. We looked like the perfect and ideal family on the outside but it was hell at home, my Dad would beat up my mom at the slightest provocation, abuse her verbally and psychologically, he is also very manipulative.
Everything that goes wrong in the church and in his life was her fault, nothing she did was ever good enough.
We the kids were not left out, he would always rain curses on us and ridicule us in public .If I am to write how bad it was I would probably write a thousand page book. None of us kids wanted to ever go home. I was always looking for love, affection and solace in the wrong places. My siblings and I were suicidal and emotionally unstable..
One day she got the strength and walked out. That is the best decision she ever made. I have watched her blossom and grow from a bitter, aggressive and sad woman to a beautiful, self confident and happy woman. It’s so nice watching her laugh, it’s so beautiful. Now she has the courage to do things she never imagined for herself, she can dream once more. My siblings and I, we are healing, our self confidence is growing by the day, we have peace like never before and we are better off ( work in progress) and most importantly our relationship with God is better .
We the kids were not left out, he would always rain curses on us and ridicule us in public .If I am to write how bad it was I would probably write a thousand page book. None of us kids wanted to ever go home. I was always looking for love, affection and solace in the wrong places. My siblings and I were suicidal and emotionally unstable..
One day she got the strength and walked out. That is the best decision she ever made. I have watched her blossom and grow from a bitter, aggressive and sad woman to a beautiful, self confident and happy woman. It’s so nice watching her laugh, it’s so beautiful. Now she has the courage to do things she never imagined for herself, she can dream once more. My siblings and I, we are healing, our self confidence is growing by the day, we have peace like never before and we are better off ( work in progress) and most importantly our relationship with God is better .
Our church believes my mom is hell bound for leaving …( chuckling)…They don’t understand that we were already in HELL. We only stepped out of hell. I thank God every that she took that bold step. It’s better to walk out than condemn your children to such unhealthy environment......
hmmmmmm
First
ReplyDeleteI like your mom.
DeleteDo you abeg, don't let society determine your happiness.
ReplyDeleteBest decision your mum made abeg. Peace of mind over anything else.
DeleteAbuse can destroy a person. Your mum deserves happiness and peace. Wish u guys the best.
ReplyDeleteOnce it becomes life threatening, in my opinion leave as fast as you can. Even the kids you're claiming to stay for will hate you for making their childhood miserable so really. Any form of abuse is bad. Verbal, emotional and of course physical. Once it gets to where you begin to fear for your life and sanity, I take God beg you, leave!
ReplyDeleteThank God for ur mom's life
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDid you also ask your mother how your dad or did your dad suddenly change after marriage? Was it that she didn't have courtship or overlooked it all hoping to "change him once married".
ReplyDeleteWhatever the case, she decided to leave when she could not take it anymore
DeleteHow is it your business.please be happy and move on.ojugo
DeleteLoopholers association of SDK. #Wehdonesah #wehdonemah 💪
DeleteLoopholers association of SDK. #Wehdonesah #wehdonemah 💪
DeleteHahahah😂😩
DeleteThis chikito character is funny and witty. Me like!
DeleteEnjoy my dear!
ReplyDeleteI am a married man with kids and any man that beats a woman has failed as a man. He is not worth a cup of weevil infested beans. There is strength in self control and patience under provocation.
ReplyDeletethank ur stars that u have a good wife, u hvnt met some women, theyd use mouth to finish ur generation, insulting ur perfomance in bed to your mothers training skills... then lemme see that self control ure preaching aboutm
DeleteAnon 15:36... Trust me abuse is both ways. Most times we feel it's the woman that is being abused but men too are in abusive relationship. Even the scenario you have painted requires self control and patience. If you are man enough you send her packing. Who says you can't throw an abusive wife out of your house. Just like an abused woman can also take a stroll out of such homes. The woman has no blame o. I always say in an abused relationship they should separate and see who is growing and who is not that's ONE of the signs of identifying the abuser and the abused. Her mum is happy and alive to enjoy life goodies.
DeleteA lot of decisions are led by women;e.g.
Deleteshall we have sex?
Shall we date?
Shall we get married?
etc.
But once marriage takes place, its like women just get a lot of inertia about the dissolution. Reason is that the man can get married as soon as he wants but that is not the case with women. The man can also decide to postpone the idea of another marriage but for the woman, time is luxury. That is why women must be very watchful and investigative about whom they marry.
What is good for the geese may not be good for the gender
ReplyDeleteOyibo!
DeleteYour point being?
Delete"gender?" how about ganja?
Delete😂😂😂😂. Why the evils?!
DeleteAnon 17:48 o😂😂😂😂😂😂😂.i have fainted
DeleteOne thing people don't understand is that religion can not change the bad person in you rather it encourages one to be better that's is why some people end up in bad relationships, because I saw them in church they must be a good person. Learn to look beyond the physical appearance but the character of your intending spouse, most are wolves in sheepskin. I know one who is currently dealing with his wife but to people, he is the best gentle man on earth ...wetin concern me
ReplyDeleteAnd what did your mom do with her mouth while the abuse lasted?
ReplyDeleteBlowjob
DeleteWerey... Lol
DeleteExplain this, cos I'm confused. What exactly are you insinuating you foolish unreasonable coward
DeleteOff point
DeleteAn abuser in the building... Guess you are a coward. Always blaming others for your misfortune.
Delete@World people: He/she is a "foolish unreasonable coward", yet you are confused?
DeleteNo wonder you are "world people", worldly people like you misunderstand everything.
Kudos to your mum for been a strong woman..
ReplyDeleteI can totally relate with what you wrote ...
#say no to dv
Wishing you the very best!!! Keep on shining!!!
ReplyDeleteWishing you the very best!!! Keep on shining!!!
ReplyDeleteMmm, my mom didn't leave my dad, my dad would beat us, humiliate us in public, although we were headstrong, he would beat mom, burn her clothes, but he'll replace it, he drank n smoked but he took care of us, I swore never to be like him, all of us 6boys we don't smoke,nor drink, my five brothers are married, I'm d last n only one in nigeria and yet to get married, I was told to remain and keep an eye on momma and dadda,although I can chase babes, that's my weakness, I'm working on it.
ReplyDeleteBetter work on it.
DeleteMy dad was worse! If I start to write here, nobody will believe me but I am glad my brothers are turning out better.
May God save us from abusive spouses...
It's not your place to keep your eyes on your mother. Encourage her to leave your foolish dad and you go chase your greener pastures.
DeleteYou see how your village people are toying with your destiny? Your siblings are abroad and married, you are here doing marriage prefect for your parents. #mumu iat your age talking about mama and dada
*Squeezy hugs*
DeleteBut you sef why you too like women? *releases hugs and gives you heavy knock*
Good you are working on it.
DeleteWorldly comment @World people
DeleteHahahahaha chikito!!!😂😂
DeleteThank God for your mum, most people did not have the financial muscle to walk out while some were afraid of what the society will say about their failed marriage.
ReplyDeleteGod will help we singles to chose the best, the worst mistake that can ever happen to any person is the wrong choice of spouse.
MTN has been very poor today, what's their problem set?
Stella please let's have a post on the worst prank you ever experienced. I experienced one today in office, it's a very bad prank that I'm still trying to come out of the shock. How can we be calling our boss and another guy picked her call that we should negotiate on the ransom we will pay? I still dey vex for both the oga and the guy
*Larry was here*
@starry hmm! It's not really about finances sha. It's the determination to face God and not take what you dont deserve. I have a family friend who walked out penniless with 4 kids. Came and squatted in a room at my folks for months, she didn't even have a job at the time, no assistance cos She was from a poor background and was even the breadwinner of her siblings through her husband. Every night this woman will wake up by 12 and cry-pray until 6. Daytime she wont eat. Yes it was inconvenient for her and the kids and they even missed a term in school cos of eventual movement to another state, but she was determined never to go back.
DeleteLast year my mum bumped into her at the bank after many years of silence. Current situation? Two kids in the US. Two kids here. All happily married and doing well. She said: my sister i dont know how we did it but God never left us.
Don't ask me where the yeye pastor man is now, as usual my dad fished him out on Facebook 😂😂
What a very happy ending, the fear of the unknown have killed some people
Delete*Larry was here*
Yea you can walk away from such, the bible said we can separate on the ground you don't get married again.
ReplyDeleteThe Bible doesn't say that.
DeleteStella pls treat this topic of the bible saying no remarrying except ur spouse dies
Deleteplease when you say "the bible says", kindly copy and paste or quote the passage from the bible. The internet has free bibles a lot. You just misquoted up there.
DeleteOf course it's better to walk out of a toxic and unhealthy, unhappy marriage especially when kids are involved.
ReplyDeleteWhatever married couple or parents do at home always affect the kids. If they fight all the time, the kids will believe that that is the way of life and start being all aggressive and always wanting to throw the first blow when there's an argument.
Some parents are wicked, they know that whatever they do will take a bad toll on their children but, they will still continue with their fighting and quarreling. Some, couples quarrel and fight in a matured way, they do it codedly without getting the kids involved or letting the children noticed that something is wrong.
Most women who claimed to remain in an unhealthy and toxic marriages because of their children are not financially stable or buoyant. That is why they will prefer to stay no matter the pain and abuses. Some are from poor family, no one to received or welcome them back from hell. Those with good supporting system always finds it easier to leave, even though they have 5kids.
i am glad my folks are no longer together. Sometimes staying together creates a toxic environment which is WORSE for the sanity of the children than staying together and pretending. little wonder why we have dysfunctional husbands and wives suffering from mummy and daddy issues? please do right by your children,
ReplyDeleteHmmmm.... okay. Your mum is brave oh to shun all voices and follow her heart. However, don't stop praying for your dad. Maybe his idea of 'husband and father' was destroyed by his upbringing. Pele
ReplyDeleteYes to avoid murder, suicide, manslaughter et al. Don't even walk but run
ReplyDeletePoster ur mum is a courageous woman..some women won't do that
ReplyDeleteDifferent strokes for different folks.
ReplyDeleteDifferent strokes for different folks.
ReplyDeleteWe thank God for lives. Get stronger and stronger.
ReplyDeleteE be like say i waka come early today, make i post comment. Thanks God for you and your mum poster. This is a testimony and not a chronicle.
ReplyDeleteI agree with the poster. Staying in an abusive marriage for the sake of the children will end up doing more damage than good. Psychologists have proved the fact that boys from abusive homes become abusers themselves while the girls unconsciously seek out and are attracted to abusers. Marry them become abused and the vicious circle continues. Do the best for yourself and your kids by leaving.
ReplyDeleteMost guys who beat their wives now learnt it from their dad, if u check well, their dad was beating their mum
DeleteI love your mom.God bless her.
ReplyDeleteIs better to walk away when you still have life, I wish your mum the best.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you guys.
ReplyDeleteYour mom is a strong woman.
ReplyDeleteThank God
ReplyDeleteJust got 1gb from issaca baba tnks ma'stell God bless you..LONG REIGN SDK
ReplyDeleteJust got 1gb from issaca baba tnks ma'stell God bless you..LONG REIGN SDK
ReplyDeleteShut up. Just cause people say that sometimes doesn't mean it fits every situation. Grow up and learn when to say things
ReplyDeleteshe did well for herself, marriage no be do or die affair.
ReplyDeleteA testimony can be a chronicle.
ReplyDeleteI don't support divorce but in a situation where there's domestic violence, or at d verge of contacting deadly diseases,i support walking away.
ReplyDeleteThank God for your life oo. I know somebody going through hell in marriage and she's gradually losing it. And worst part?. She can't leave cause her spiritual director is aganist it. But the annoying part is that she found out the real kind of person the hubby is just before the wedding but 1st, she was already pregnant 2nd, she was afraid and ashamed of what people she bragged to will say. She's older than me with at least 4years but when she was still freshly in love with her hubby.. she will keeping singing how she used her domestic side to win her hubby from a girl that will visit the hubby and hang her legs on the table while she do the chores and serve the hubby and also the girl indirectly. I knew something was wrong but couldn't advice my 'elder ' nahh. I once did through her mate she's always singing about her hubby to, but the girl couldn't do much cause everybody will tag her hater as per say she never marry and her bf left her then. But then I don't pity her much cause she and her husband actually taunted the other girl cause she wasn't married then and the both of them were always in one competition or the other. But I now I pity her (even tho she still pretends to be alright and happening). She needs a good reset but I can't help it nahh, i think she depends solely on the hubby and if I succeed in convincing her to leave for the sake of her kids.. how will she cope?. Abeg I will mind my business and she's my 'Senior'. She has friends and parents and siblings and spiritual director (all these pastors that won't remove religion to things) who should help her out, cause coming from me?.. I'm a hater. Poster Your mum is really strong mbok. I love that she had the courage to leave
ReplyDeleteWtf is a spiritual director? Have people become so spiritually weak that they can't even make decisions on their own anymore? This current trend in Nigerian pentecostal Christianity is terrible! These pastors will actually lead more people to hell than heaven.
DeleteThank God for your life and that of your siblings. God will see you guys through. Your mum is brave.
ReplyDeletePoster....Am happy your mum was able to make that decision. I can bet it that it wasn't an easy decision for a pastor's wife to pack out of her matrimonial home.....
ReplyDeleteEven reading this, I'm quite surprised she was able to move on because I know many respectable church elders would have mediated. But thanks be to God she's doing well and you the children understand her position. You will be fine dear......Stay happy
Well i bet to differ.My dad is a serial cheat but very kind and loving towards my mum and the kids.
ReplyDeleteIf my mum left him when we were small and he remarried would he had cartered for us? My dear since no physical violence was involued and his weakness is just women.She learnt to make herself happy saved eneough money.I appreciate her for staying despite all because i dont think i and my siblings would have been established.My dear just pray you marry a good man.God bless you mama and for paley make your prick rest na😬
She wa talking of physical violence nd not cheating.. at the end of the day, who go stay go stay and who go go go go
DeleteGood your mum walk out
ReplyDeleteVery good..Please your happiness, your sibling's and your mom's are very important...Make I manage my foot...tres bon...
ReplyDelete@ Poster, best decision for your Ma. I can feel the happiness from your write up about your Mum.
ReplyDeleteIt's really unfair to judge based on a one-sided analysis but the bottom line is to learn to live our lives. Live for no one, you are only accountable to your maker. C'est finis.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who does not agree with this post, is a sadist, a coward and a potential abuser. I was on a job and I expressed my thoughts on domestic violence, one of the men I was working with said "some women love to be beaten because of he petting that comes after the beating" Ok, I was livid... So, you cannot pet your wife until you beat or abuse her? I was tired. I stand with #NoDomesticViolence. Woman not sandbag. Poster, thank God for your mum.
ReplyDelete