STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
OMUGWO BROUHAHA
Hi Stella
I only wish to be recognize as CHYZOM
I got Married to my wife in 2013, completed her bride price and took her to church.
We had our first child in 2014 and according to MY tradition HER mum is supposed to come for visitation (Omugwo) to take care of her daughter and grand child.
But instead She said her daughter and grand child should come over that according to their tradition if their daughter begot a first child they come back home for Omugwo.
I actually discussed with my wife on that telling her that in this case we are to practice my tradition not hers, that her mum should come.
After much deliberation on the matter i agreed she go only for her to come back 9 months later. Well everything went well because i danced to her tone.
The problem now is My wife just put to bed again and its 2months now and my mother in law still insists that her daughter come over. I refused this time and instead i invited my mum to come take care of my son and wife.
My mum has gone back and i have some big aunties to check in once in a while.
However i sent all the Omugwo things to my wife's mum but she refused and rejected them.
I told my wife and she didn't support her mum, but her mum have been making face since 2weeks now
Please i will need candid advice on this because i need peace to come back home.
Thank.
*Awwww you are such a peaceful man.God bless you for this.
Is there any particular reason why your Mother in law is avoiding your house?Maybe that will help in solving this problem and in case another baby comes.
Tell your wife to go and have a heart to heart talk with her mum
I really dont know what to say!
Hmmm
ReplyDeleteWait, so u were not there. When ur child had her first smile?. Gossh. U missed out on ur child's growth. Meanwhile, shebi she said it's for d first child only? Why she dey para?. Don't let. It happen this time oo. Begin to stand ur ground as a man. Have a mind of ur own. BTW, ur MIL Seems very controlling
DeleteMumu wife should keep allowing her mother control her. It's obvious the mother does not have a husband or anything tangible doing. So she focus on her child's life as a project of ruin. Madam how can you take your child away from its father's house for 9 good months! Your mother still de control you like remote, she will soon destroy your marriage. You are a big fool. I hope when you go for the next 9 months and come back your husband finds a more serious wife to marry so you can go and live with your mum.
DeleteChyzom this message above is for your wife. Abeg tell her to read it.
Poster, pls press your ignore button.
ReplyDeleteVery big ignore button, do like you dint do anything cause afterall you did nothing, I hope she isn't carrying her grand kids to dedicate to something, this one she keeps insisting on bringing them (I have heard it happen). Uncle you can even apologize for peace to reign but if you born another still bring your Mum if she can't come to your house, let your wife speak to her mum as well
DeleteWao! @Push up, your point is thought provoking. "Dedicating the kids". Cos a whole 9 months is way too much. Taking it personal again speaks in volumes. Nawah o!
DeleteThank you.
DeleteI am not understanding this your mother inlaw o
ReplyDeleteYou even tried by allowing her go for 9 months in the first place.
ReplyDeleteLet her carry face. She just wants to over step her boundary.
A woman should after marriage follow her hubbys traditions.
Like your wife speak to her mum.
Act like nothing happened and move on
Where have you been?
DeleteWhere did you go to? Hope your don't have a blog boo yet sha
DeleteIbk, Tuscany is expecting a baby so hustle don double.
DeleteThanks for behaving in a peaceful way. But my concern here is what you and this wife of yours discussed during courtship. The main problem is that only f*cking goes on in courtships. It is during courtships that these kinds of things are thrashed out so that no one will feel cheated on the spot of the moment in marriage. If only we take courtship as a period of blending these two to become one. If such happened, your mom would have been on her own by now.
ReplyDeleteVery true. I asked my hubby every every. His family traditions et al. My mama na badoski when it comes to snooping and sneaking. She combed everywhere for his ancestors' background. He was even surprised when momsie started telling him some of her findings.
DeleteOne cannot know all though. God help us.
U don come again 😒😒
DeleteAgeless, your mother is a detective o
DeleteJasmine even me sef tire foram.
Delete@ rex, come again how?
Well we practice different traditions. If after begging her and she's still angry, abeg let her be
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
What kind of mother in law is that? You clearly do not court trouble and that's why you are worried. She is your wife and these discussions should have happened before marriage but since it didn't then now is the time to nip it in the bud. Your wife needs to take a stand. Your mother in law had her way the first time. Can she "mother in law" leave her own husband for that long. She is trying to put asunder by making a married woman leave her husband for too long when it's not on official assignment.
ReplyDeleteGive your mother in law sometime, she'd come around. You can also pay her a personal visit with your wife with the things she returned, if that doesn't work then let your wife deal with her mother alone. So if you and your wife have 3 more kids, she'd go over everytime. Biko your mother in law should put tradition one side and calm down. Why didn't they inform you of this tradition when you came to marry their daughter.
This chronicle is easy to understand, poster married a big woman's daughter, she cannot inconvenience herself and come to his two bedroom, she wld rather her daughter come to her mansion, she just doesn't want to tell the poster that!
DeleteU just echoed my tots. so unfortunate but poster stand ur grounds n b a man. Tell ur wife d next time she birth ur baby u don't even want to hear a word about stepping out of d house. Don't apologise to ur mother inlaw . NEVER! If u do she'll not know she's overstepping n she'll do it again. Ignore her like she doesn't exist jor. What nonsense.
DeleteExactly, poster is your mother in law feeding you?
DeleteShe is not big enough then. If she was she would have gifted them mansion too when they married.
DeleteDoesn't your wife have a father or "uncle" whoever gave her to you in marriage is a man and should understand why a man needs his wife in the house. No Ibo tradition condones what your "murder in "raw" is advocating. She has other reasons which she is yet to tell you.
ReplyDeletePlease girls, engage in core family discussions during dating/courtship and not give yourself to sex. Marriage is not picnic.
Something is definitely wrong somewhere poster! Talk to your wife, I believe she's in a better position to talk to her mother.
ReplyDeleteWhatever the problem might be that is stopping her from visiting your home should be resolved amicably.
Please, don't argue with your mother in-law, if she complains about anything, apologize to her for peace to reign.
You're a good man that want the best for his family. May God bless and protect your home always.
God bless you poster, please give your mother in law some space, she will come back to herself in no time. If possible have a quiet word with her and explain yourself, giving her the reason why you refused you wife going to hers. Your wife should also be able to speak with her mother.
ReplyDeletePoster this is not my area of specialization... But I'm sure you will get a good advice here...
ReplyDeleteChukwu gba gi ume
Not our area of specialization ...abii u don forget me nii😂
DeleteLol@ Ibukun
DeleteYou na my main paddy nau, so I no fit forget you.. I did a shout out to you yesterday on SP but you no reply... I come hear say you dey your period,.. 😂😂😂😂😂 anyway me and you still dey the same area of specialization.
BTW, honestly you and Cookie should settle.. Fight is not good to the body.. You guys are too beautiful to be quarreling each other.
You offended her by accusing her wrongly...
Cookie darling I read where Ibukun commented that you guys have reconciled..I guess she passed a peace signal by commenting that, but is like you did not see it.
I'm surprised at the outburst in the morning.
Ibukun I apologize on behalf of Cookie
Cookie I apologize on behalf of Ibukun.
You guys should hug and be friends.
Cookie my family friend I love you
Ibukun my paddy I love you
But I love My Chikito pass the two of you... Lol (my Chikito don't mind the love I confessed to them... I just want my two friends to make peace)
Lol. It's okay my ugebe. I understand. Meanwhile, let's make sure we discuss our omugwo plans early enough. You know I don't like stress 😇
DeletePoster, I'm sure you know if your MIL is a troublesome person deep down. She would have shown some traits earlier on. Or didn't you pick on them? I think you should ignore her. Try keep in touch like before and do no extras. You didn't do anything wrong and if your wife agrees she should be the one to talk to her mum not you. Except she doesn't see anything wrong in what her mum is doing. Then in that case, she's the one you have to caution.
DeletePlease leave the things there and don't touch them. Your MIL will most likely accept them later. Bless you for being a peaceful man.
My ugegbe one the reasons why I love you so much is that you always understand... 😘😘😘😘
DeleteAs for the omugwo, my MIL is a peaceful woman. Me and you know say she no go disturb us at all... Before I forget, did she bring another delicious meal? 😂😂😂😂
Ignore your mother inlaw
ReplyDeleteGo and visit your mum in-law and talk to her. It shouldn't be that serious.
ReplyDeleteHe should just ignore her like nothing happened. She is just seeking unnecessary attention and wants to dictate what is going on in your home.
DeleteI second what stella is saying..
ReplyDeletePoster pls ignore her. She is being childish
ReplyDelete9 Months ke??? That's a long ass time to be away from your wife.
ReplyDeletePlease ignore your MIL, she no get case.
As in I'm just weak. Some parents are too overbearing 9 whole months! Not to mention the first nine months when the woman was stressed during pregnancy, u now add an extra 9 months, she is just making a huge gap in the relationship.
DeletePls follow her with wisdoms,let her daughter talk to her and don't let this disturb your sleep, she's tryna be difficult, don't give in to her......
ReplyDeletePeacefull man God bless you please ignore her
ReplyDeleteDoes it matter who comes or not... . Marriage wahala Taya me mehn...
ReplyDeleteOga your mother in-law is taking advantage of your over niceness! Wake up Oga and take charge.Don't be a weakening and take control of your family. After all, you paid for the pride price of their daughter and not on a higher purchase marriage I guess?
ReplyDeleteYour mother in law must be possessed by some demons
ReplyDeleteShe needs deliverance
You need to fast for Forty days in the desert
Do I send you prophet wonder wonder the great phone number
Mother in-law and wahala 5 and six pence.
ReplyDeleteWhere your ignore button dey, press am sharp sharp
Ignore her
ReplyDeleteI have a problem with the attitude behind her request and behaviour.
ReplyDeleteMama wants to encroach and play tag along in your 'couplehood'
Oh well, thankfully it is still early in marriage, it is not late for you to do something about this before it degenerates into every aspect of your marriage and, most importantly you have compromised the first time to please them(wifey and momma).....which is good, i applaud you for that.You have built a fine case for yourself amongst sensible advisers if this takes an ugly turn.
Now, your problem is firmly rooted in your courtship period. You two never thrashed out this issue coz frankly it's really petty but inflammable.It was great of you to have allowed your wife go the first time, trying to meet your in-law's culture half-way is fantastic and gives a pointer that you are a decent man...however, letting your wife go for 9 whole months isn't wisdom. You met them 'whole-way' here and 'bent' without considering how healthy that will be for your marriage.
See, while our African culture implies marrying the family, the smart couple should know when to set boundaries.
In an inter-tribal marriage situation, you need even more caution because, many at times, there is a subtle rivalry. One person is 'unconsciously'trying to assert their culture over the other...this person is likely not to be the couple who are probably still crazy about the odour of each others flatus. That is why we see tension with learning to speak another language, sample dishes, accomodate inlaws, dressing pattern...down to mean jokes about the partner's identity.
Haa, it sounds like this epistle is getting long over omugwo location but trust me, this is the beginning of wahala if you blow the chance.
Your mother-inlaw is controlling and a tad bit manipulative. In decisions affecting your direct family life, you as a married man must learn to be firm and ALWAYS ensure that you make your input into every decision before you grow resentment.
In the early years of marriage at least with the way we do marriage in Nigeria, childbearing takes centre stage. If your wife is disappearing 9 months out of 2 or 3 years of each child's birth till you are done childbearing, where and when will go guys get the chance to bond and build a solid foundation for what awaits you guys in future.
That omugwo pattern demanding such stretch of time is frankly unrealistic and anti-intimacy for couples. This is an era where absenteeism of fathers and the burden of one-sided(maternal) pattern of raising children is being corrected and you are here fidgeting and looking at mother-inlaw's face on how you run your home....kai!
Mother-inlaw is a busybody who misses her child, but who might be in competition over who commands more influence on the Mrs.
Better call your wife to order Mr Man, Mama is packing face coz she is getting vibes that it gets to you and you may cave soon. Wifey has to know that you are the most important person in this not mama. Your needs and presence matter too. Mama either comes or share her tutorials over the phone. Do not ship off your wife so quickly, taper off the influence a bit.
Silly mother-inlaws who are over-possessive can ruin marriages acting up like this.The leaving and cleaving must be on both sides and with balance, this 'temporary escape' omugwo gives wifey away from you and your culture will choke you both in future when you realise that there is nothing holding the foundation of your marriage except child-rearing. You have done enough okay. This is your home, your wife, your child, your dna, heck your sperm abi you borrow am. Don't cheat yourself of this beautiful journey of pregnancy. Ignore the woman, help out your wife as much as possible and do you!
God bless your home!
Ah ah,too long a read na.
DeletePoster I beg you read this long advice and IGNORE and stay away from your attention seeking mother in law. Avoid her and be your man. She is TROUBLE waiting to happen.
DeleteHow did you type this? It's longer than the chronicles. You try.
DeleteWelcome back Empress Cho.
DeleteI have looked out for you here.
What a long hiatus!!
Teemah and Ageless T, una be new bvs?
DeleteThis is Empress cho for you.
Empress cho, welcome back
I dey bow oh so long.
Deletelet ur wife hv a heart to heart talk wid d mama
ReplyDeletePoster you better man up before they turn you into mumu. If she won't come let your mum come then. I don't know what you people discuss in courtship really. Imagine not been in the early days of your child's life, i hope they are not doing something fetish o because this world is a dangerous place. I don't even trust my own shadow not to talk of someone else's. Goodluck
DeleteHmm... ur mother inlaw dikwa mean o, anyway, to avoid conflict maybe u shud go n talk to her and try to find out what her issue is abt coming to ur place, explain ur tradition to her and if she insists let her be. U are a married man and u shud hv a say in ur own home.
ReplyDeleteTo me there is something this poster is not telling us! Poster did u finish the necessary thing their custom demands? Like in my place is called amaram uzo ogo without it ur mother inlaw is not permitted to come for omugwo so tell us the truth biko
ReplyDeleteYea, that's true but if all appropriate marriage rites were made, then Empress Cho and Sexy Daddy's advice, you should not overlook.
Delete#Lose your pride for your love. But never lose your love just because of your pride*
ReplyDeletePoster Pls ignore that's dramatic mother inlaw of urs
ReplyDeleteOga that woman is a bad news I know her type...let her go to hell...stay off her biko
ReplyDeleteI know we are Africans/Nigerians and its nice we follow traditions after all it was all we believed in before the British came to colonize us. But then this is the 21st century we need to adhere to change and stop this myopic view. Some parents call themselves Christians and indoors they are Amadioha worshipers. Poster do me a favor, make peace by talking to your MIL and see how to resolve things. But then keep been the man that you are.
ReplyDeletePoster.....This one odikwa serious....
ReplyDeletePoster, like Stella said, you are really a peaceful man. Don't worry yourself over your mother-in-law. Just keep doing the right thing and pray for her if you are a christian.
ReplyDeleteOkay,as a repentant BV, I have decided, to drop a comment, I have decided, to drop a comment, I have decided, to drop a comment, no turning baaack, no turning back. Thank you ladies and gentle men, thank u#drops mic!
kikikikikikikikiki.....
Maybe your home is not conducive, for her, cos i know of a mother that travel from Lagos to akwaibom for omugwo, the condition she meet her daughter and grand daughter was not ok, so she brought them to Lagos.
ReplyDelete😂😂 i dont know why this story made me laugh 😂😂
DeleteIt's possible. My cousin's mum didn't go for omugwo. Her daughter came home to give birth. She said she can't squeeze herself in their small house.
DeleteIt might be their case too
Come o Obinna is this not you....your MIL doesn't want to come to yours because there is more space at our house in Lekki and you guys live in a smaller space in ejigbo or wherever. I don't know about tradition o but your child Be wife are usually well taken care of. So I don't see y u r complaining about my mum o...you can go and see your child whenever. Besides all the other children don't want her to go to yours as we won't be able to see her plus as you know my dad also needs her as he is sick and she needs to take care of him also...omugo I'd overrated anyway.
ReplyDeleteLol. Na this kind troublesome family I for like marry into. Show you hot pepper that will come out of your nose. Didn't you people know he was living in ejigbo before you let your sis marry him? Or did your dad marry your mother straight into a lekki 'mansion'? Let me not waste my energy cos you may not even be right about 'obinna'.
DeleteNow Chikito u are making sense.. if u are commenting like dis I wouldn't have been attacking u.. Keep it up.
Delete***Chy Ozo***
Lol @ChyOzo you must really think yourself relevant to my comment pattern. You're one of the people I will never see as anything on this blog. Take your own space please and don't have my name in your comment except you're attacking aimlessly. Thanks.
DeleteEh Ehnnn so because you people live in lekki you will now bypass a man and his household to carry your sister out of her matrimonial home. All of you want to see her abi? Are you not supposed to go to your sisters house and visit her? My lord. What nonsense. Your mother is not humble and all u siblings are stupid. Why did you not invite them to your house to conceive the baby na?
DeleteOga, your mother in law is trying to take charge of your home by controlling you,how on earth would you allow your wife to stay over there for nine month just cos of one tradition Walahi Dem Don take you for fool. Abeg bone her jare I don't know why some mother in-law won't mind their damn business. I think you should have a sensible discussion with your wife let her see the effect of third party in a marriage
ReplyDeleteIf this is truly the poster you are referring to.. Which I doubt. Why is your Mom insisting that they bring the child again?
ReplyDeleteI understand that some GrandMothers might be busy with other grandkids plus their husbands.. So why exactly is she not speaking to 'Obinna'
Someone else(Obinna's mother) has already come for the omugwo. Case closed,innit?
Why is he not taking his Gifts?
Culture is Dynamic but Africans, Nigerians refuse to evilev with it.
Should a marriage pack up because of unrealistic expectations from a mother inlaw?
When should culture give way for true reasoning?
Why should a couple be made to stay apart for that long just because of 'Omugwo'
A father has just visiting rights for 9months simply becomes his mother inlaw has refused to shift ground.
Well poster,You have done nothing wrong.
Call Mama like you used to. Chat away like nothing happened.
If your apartnent is not spacious enough for Mamah.. Tell her not to worry,your Mom can manage with you when you have more babies.
She*
DeleteStand your ground. Don't let an external force control you or your house. Reject her outrightly.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous you swe that Obinna you making fun of, I pray Ejigbo opens doors of blessings and he'll have so much money that will shock you all. Dear wife since you have allowed your family to make fun of your husband I pray he'll meet another woman and a wonderful mother in-law that will take care of your KIDS while you stay at your Lekki abode. You better be wise your mother is a demon sent from hell to destroy your marriage. There are people in Ejigbo who make millions that some people in Lekki can't dream of getting. They travel the whole world and enjoy in peace. Take it from someone that stays there. Why don't you work on making money, open a business and start making money. Obinna leave monster in law alone.
ReplyDelete***Anonymous chielo***
The remedy for MIL that are control freaks is to avoid them and press your ignore button and also take your stand by exerting your authority and setting a boundary. Your family comes first before any mother in law.
ReplyDeleteWell, this is what pertains in my place: baby and mother go to wife's mum's house for care after childbirth. The reasons are numerous but let me state a few
ReplyDelete1) Wife's mum cannot leave wife's dad who may be well advanced in age, sometimes(not always o) terminally ill...to go to daughter's house. so instead the new husband who is still young and strong can fend for himself while wife is away or if they all live in the same town he can close from work and spend the rest of the evening wt his wife and baby, eat and retire back to his house to sleep
2)There are instances where b4 the 6weeks puperium elapses, husband is already begging wife for sex...she hasn't healed properly but because she has returned to pre-pregnancy hotness hubby's hormones run wild when he sees her. There are cases where the woman is pregnant again during baby dedication. but going to her mother's place reduces that possibility...I say reduce cos my friend's hubby was taking her even in her father's house.
3)If the new wife isn't gainfully employed and her mother is still in employment, the mother can't abscond from work for more than one month and that period would be too short to spend in caring for a new born, so it's more convenient if the new wife moves over to her mum's house so mum can still go about her economic activities, unless of course her son -in-law is able and capable of providing ALL her financial wants+needs during that period
etc.
Moving forward, Poster let ur wife engage her mum in a discussion, she knows her mum better and they share a deeper bond, she shd explain to the mum politely why she may not come, if it involves travelling she can say it would be stressful for the newborn plus she has to come with the elder child as well...push it to ur wife and don't involve yourself. keep being a good son-in-law to mama, she will be so proud of u, even if she doesn't tell u and she will definitely pray and bless you.
Esiere! (means goodnight in efik language)
Howdy Iphie dearie and Swag lafresh?
ReplyDeleteSide eyes at the welcomes, they be clipping my wings before i disappear again.
Got a bit more time on my hands plus sanity is returning to the blog thankfully.
So yep, my runaway self will be more frequent now especially on chronicles. Do have a wonderful evening.
Kisses to you both.
Poster please marry another wife. This one is not ready. Just pay bride price and you are good to go!
ReplyDeletePoster is possible your mil don't like your place maybe that is why she prefers your wife to come over. If you want peace to reign just allow your wife to go and stay with her mum at least two weeks and let her return. I don't even see reasons why people drag about in this Omugwo. Your wife should not allow her mum spoil her marriage fir her, make sure your wife read all the comments. Oga if you like self ignore your mil as if nothing happened.
ReplyDeleteWell I went and stayed with my mum because we both came back from US I needed to learn so many things before I left to my base. I stayed for two months so I wonder which normal thinking person will stay for almost a year that major cause I see here is joblessness because if she is on maternity leave she has to resume work.The husband should be firm on decisions and not be a puppet.
ReplyDelete