STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ONCE A CHEAT;ALWAYS A CHEAT?
Dear Stella,
Big Kudos to you on a job well done.
Please I'd like you to share this on your blog. Perhaps the comments from BVs could help me come to a decision.
I will be pleased to hear from you as well.
I happen to be engaged to my fiance for about 3 months, we met last year.
Things were going smoothly until I started to notice some distance; I could send him a message on whatapp and not get a response until after 2 hours (literally)... Calls inclusive.
This happens weekends and week days. At first he apologized and gave me excuses like..'sorry babe, I was asleep'...'sorry babe, my phone was in the room'...'sorry babe, the phone wasn't loud'. I let all these slide but deep within me I knew something was wrong (our instincts never fail us right
Let me digress a bit. We had our introduction few weeks ago. To my amazement, he never put up one single picture on any of his social media platforms, he has never admitted to me being his gf on social media. I was going to upload some of the pictures but I decided to hold back and 'siddon look'...I know some people will say pictures on social media doesn't necessarily count but hey common!....not even one?????
This weekend we decided to go on a trip that we've been planning for a while.
One of those nights when he was asleep I decided to snoop his phone. This is something I've never done but after he started dragging his phone from me the last time I tried to use it for something else...I knew I had to
I saw a frequent contacted girl like that and decided to read the chats. Omo Stella...wetin I see had me pour out a glass of wine and take a cozy position in the toilet.
These were chats as far back as Feb-Mar...same period I was engaged.
I got to know the reason for all the delayed chat responses i mentioned earlier.
He even takes this girl out to the movies every other work day (we've never done this), took her to places where we share memories, sends her money (this is the same person who told me he couldn't afford the engagement ring he wanted me to have but he has spare cash to be dashing side chic and going out on movie dates).
This girl knows every thing about him and his family, she's stayed over and he has stayed at hers too....I don't even know how to summarize the details but all I can say is that she is privy to every info and activity that I share with him.
I was heart broken but I didn't let it spoil my mood.
I called off the engagement and told him not to bother with the wedding plans. This is because I feel he's going to carry this same attitude into marriage. It wasn't just this incident that made reach a conclusion (other factors too which have caused me to be quite uneasy with the prospect of getting married to him)
I don't know if this decision I took is harsh. He's been begging and says its nothing serious with the girl but I'm not having any of that.
So my question is; does a one-time cheat offence guarantee a recurrence in the future?
Please share your thoughts/similar experiences and how you handled it.
Thanks
*Some cheats never repent but change how they operate once they are busted,some change and never go back to their old ways......Sometimes snooping just spoils everything and no matter what,it can never be the same....I know snooping has saved many relationships and all but i remain #teamnosnoop and cannot tell you how to go on from here..
Let me step back for #teamsnoop
Team snoop all the way
ReplyDeleteAbeg, madam, borrow yourself brain before brain borrow you... That man can never change
@Galore
To the writer, you took the right decision.... Save yourself before you sink to where you would say ''had I known''.
DeleteI am a man, and I know what's up...
Personally, I think this cheating ish is overrated, even if you marry a male virgin that does not guarantee he won't cheat on you, if he loves and cares for you marry him,a home is built on the wisdom of a woman, make him busy so busy that he can't cheat, the other woman will get tired of the lack of attention and leave him, my MIL used that trick when she was suspecting her husband, she made him place all their kids in pricey schools so he had to dedicate more time, wisdom my sister not every thing is break up break up
DeletePoster your snooping saved your ass. Thank God you didn't act like desperate girls who will turn their eyes away only to come crying later. Poster your head dey there, oya come take a hug boo. You used your head, my prayer for you is for God to provide you a good man. Harsh wetin, you were wise.
DeleteSweet chocolate. I have been married for 2 plus decades, THAT LIE YOU JUST TOLD WILL NOT TAKE ANY WOMAN FAR. The home is not built the way you have described it. That is not a home you just described. Stop! Please.
DeleteSweet chocolate u obviously are not married. U don't sound like I've even ever dated someone. Keep a man busy??? Go on a date with someone and then come back let's discuss.
DeleteMadam sweet chocolate that's a lie from the pit of hell,stop deceiving gullible women u hear
DeleteWell...That decision was too fast a move. We all need second chance, pleeeaasseeee.
ReplyDeletePlease never look back. You will be saving yourself from a life time of heart ache. He doesnot respect you. You will get a better man.
DeleteEhn... Kiloso.??😕😕
DeleteAbegi ooooo.. Nice decision sista
Yes, we all do but imagine if the other lady finds out and sends her story to Stella, wetin you go advice her?....some men change but some don't...
DeleteThe evil that some men do, hmmmmmm...covfefe!
DeleteWhat second chance again. You girls do not know that pre marriage is not for 2nd chances. This is how you end up married to someone else's husband. Give second chances to your husbands and not boyfriends.
DeleteIt's those with low self esteem that will stay after seeing that. Haba! Move on sista and don't ever look back.
DeleteWise woman, u did so well.
ReplyDeleteIf @ poster is over 24,thats a big mistake. What gives her the guarantee that the next man wouldn't cheat. He loves you already and you own the largest stake in his life. Accept his apology if he's well to do financially... 😮
DeleteWhy settle for less and lower your standard because of age. Marriage is not the utimate. There are many other things one can accomplish in life instead of gettIng married and not having peace of mind.
DeleteHmm...money is not everything, your peace of mind is important too. You took a right decision jere. Its too early for you to be fighting a marital war.
DeleteSo because she owns the largest stake, he should infect her with a deadly disease?
DeleteSo age should make her desperate.. Seriously....nawa
DeleteShe owns the largest stake according to anony, yet the other woman is the one enjoying his time, attention and money and is privy to his personal info. Who really has the largest stake? Already giving poster excuses, not picking her calls and all, tell me what kind of a husband will such a mofo make? Abeggi as someone said why should poster settle for less? It is better to be alone and happy, than married and miserable.
DeleteWho are these desperate women?
DeleteBabe you made the wise and right decision. Kudos for that. He didn't upload your intro pictures on an so that he would continue lying to babes online that he's single. And yes, very soon God will bless you with a wonderful man who will make you realize why God brought you out of that situationship.
DeleteAnonymous 15:30 I'm over 24, in my father house working hate going on dates , I don't see marriage as do or die truth is, I don't care much about it either.
DeleteOya, come and bite me
No be me go tell you to leave your fiancee because I no get another to dash you. If you think you can cope, well go ahead because you never even know how the next go be
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Poster, I hope you get to read this. I went through the comments and most were hailing you and encouraging you not to go back. I want you to understand something, most of them dish out pieces of advice based on their own experience. Many of them have gone through horrible relationships. It doesn't mean they should lump theirs with yours. Your own might be different. As I'm talking to you, my friend that is getting married to a very beautiful lady from a wealthy home and with a good job, visited me recently with one razz looking chic. They were behaving like teenage lovers. I stepped out briefly to pick something. I got back and heard them moaning seriously. In my sitting room! They didn't even care. You need to see his fiancée. My friend loves her to the moon. He adores her, yet, here he was, forming love with a "lesser" chic just because of pussy. Cheating isn't a habit. It is the inability to discipline yourself. Every man has this girl he wants to fuck whether he loves his partner or not. Few may not follow up. Very few. Wallahi, take it from me, I be man- from what I've seen, the number of men in relationships that don't cheat is less than 5%. Poster, go back to your fiancé. Forget what the angry girls on this forum are saying. The probability of your next partner not cheating is less than 5%. Will you keep leaving? Find a way to make him more committed and engaged. It reduces the rate at which he'd cheat. But do something, call him, talk to him, tell him the repercussions of what he's doing. Tell him how hurtful it is. But go back my dear. The next guy might be Drake.
DeleteBlunt chop plenty kiss. Everybody wants her to leave.
DeleteThank you Blunt, you have said it all. Poster if you have ears, listen and take this advice seriously.
DeleteI do not agree with you on this,this is totally selfish of a man to cheat,you can claim to love your partner and still cheat, abeg,is that a definition of love,?to hurt your partner?all in the name of selfish lack of self control;i don't support that..
DeleteMy dear poster, leave the cheater,you will be glad you did as time goes on, you don't want to go through emotional stress do you?
And yes,you did the right thing to call off the engagement..
You will be fine
Lol. See this one making excuses for his indiscipline. Some men decide to have standards and stick to one woman. Your friend will catch something from his razz babes and give his fine fiancée if he continues. Tueh
DeleteWhy can't she get a man from that <5%?
DeleteHmm blunt, me i no gree o. Poster i am very glad that you dumped his ass. He is an irresponsible cheating man, nobody needs such. How will u deny ur better half love and attention because u discovered some new pussy? He is taking the new girl to the movies and sending her money meanwhile he is lying to his fiancée that he can't afford engagement ring? He can't even post pics on social media becos i am sure he lied to the new pussy that he is single,demon! He is gonna be the type of husband to neglect the homefront but be splashing money on side chic. Poster thanks for breaking up with him cos i assure u, he wud never have given u peace of mind, you will be the one raising the kids all by yourself. This one is not your husband, look elsewhere.
DeleteIf you like poster listen to this blunt who is never objective and always blindly siding his gender. Make he park well. I will advise you like my sister because your happiness and future is at stake. God showed you the signs and you took the right decision. Have faith and pray, you will get your own husband, not a community male organ. Namsense. Marriage does not change a person, it will magnify what is already there.
DeleteFollow this advice dearie. The HIV and Gomorrah you know is better than the one out there you don't know.
DeletePOSTER, LISTEN TO ME AND NOT THESE PEOPLE. You deserve better. Blunt and co speak from their lack of discipline and inability to do better for themselves. Do not let crabs in a barrel mentality put you in a life of heartache. If cheating is such the norm, why do people get diseases and untold sorrows from It? Do not I repeat do not go back. A good man will find you. Are you a good woman? Then there are also good men. Do not be led into this misery loving company belief. These girls do not believe they can do better and these men do not have the discipline that men better than them have so they lie. Blunt, your friend is not a good man and he will get his comeuppance, do not be fooled. Loves his fiancee my behind and he is sleeping around and could possibly lose his fiance. Poster, better be sensible.
DeleteFollow blunts advice and I see another chronicles loading
DeleteFollow your heart and mind in order to save your self from further chronicles.
ReplyDeleteThe heart and mind can deceive you know. There's a better way to have "peace and rest of mind".
DeleteIf he was rich, you wouldn't break up the engagement. You know that. That is why I tell my homeboys to do anything to make money. You get away with a lot. All these our ashawo politicians that do ten-somes, you think their wives don't know? They know very well, but money dey shut them up. Again, that a man does not put up your picture on Sm doesn't mean he's being mischievous. I have never put up my own picture. Never put my family members' pictures, and will not put my future wife's picture nor those of my future kids. Never. They're too valuable to me. I keep them private and close.
DeleteAnonymous @18:17 money is not everything. I can tell you this because I'm from a well to do home I thank God, but would I crawl into a mans arm because of this money and ignore his habits never! I rather go into a nun home than cause my self so much heartache
DeleteWoow babe first of All you get mind oh, because some ladies will not call it off at that stage. kudos
ReplyDeleteCan men ever be satisfied with just one woman ?
Me I know I am teamSnoop..
Also...Do me I do you
Beloved what's "do me i do you"
DeleteShow me that man who doesn't cheat? Only 5%. Even pastors these days cheat on their wives.
DeleteSee my dear, i got married to a man that every girl in this town knows and wants. He is very popular and has alot of girl coming around him, because he is an event manager and has managed several clubs. Dating him was not easy, we dated for 5yrs before marriage and it was a distant relationship, we only see occassionally. For that 5yrs, we never seperated nor breakup, but we had serious fights cuz he was a cheat, my friends will call to tell me all sorts, inshort i was tired of him, but i noticed he loves me, he does not lie to me, instead of him to lie, he wont even say a word, once i start my accusation and he is not saying anything i know he did what i was accusing him for. Yes i am team snoop oo, i had his password for 3yrs before he found out, so anytime i start talking, he thinks i am a witch. So my dear, if he loves you and provides all your emotional, physical and financial needs, abeg go ahead with the wedding. Afterall, he chose you to engage you over the other girl. And pray also, if he is your man, things will fall in place. I married my own husband because hr loves me, yes ooo, loves me more than i love him, so i am happy. Perfect man nor too dey ooo.
Him keep quiet In silent is a lie that's 1
Delete2, he loves you .. you have to double check that he cannot love you and cause you to hurt by constantly cheating on you. He might care for you but definitely not love
3, not all pastors are men of God.
4, men would be tempted but not all men follow through a man who knows God and has self discipline will not cheat. It's rare but they are available
He said 'nothing serious with the girl'? He's a bloody liar and since he's a liar, he's also a thief. Sorry o.
ReplyDeleteBut haba, he should just apologize and stop lying.
Anyway, some cheats do change while some will never ever change. If u feel u can cope, it's your choice but if u can't, then move on.
But wait o, even after introduction he's still cheating? Meaning he actually started the month of the introduction right?
Umu nwoke
Big thief my dear! No need to apologize. He has what he's targetting.
Deletelol "..since he's a liar, he's also a thief." @ poster your guy got comfortable too quick to cheat. I think your finding out is for a greater reason. So I would say you took the right decision.
DeleteYes Ooo..you are right...he is a thief and a liar, I'm sure there is also a 3rd girl...had same experience...
DeleteSounds like he is enjoying the company of the other chick. For all we know the poster could be the side chick in all of this, think about it.
DeleteI am team snoop,team snooper and team snoopie anyday. good thing you found out early. Forget all those telling you to go back.lets imagine u had to go back sef what do u hold onto? He's already giving u excuses and most importantly lying about not having money. Where is the love? That's how my soon to be ex lied about not having money and I mumuishly paid for half of all we needed to get married thinking I was going to grow with a man from the scratch instead of me to see all the signs God gave me. Now I'm paying dearly for that grave mistake I made. DO NOT! I repeat DO NOT GO BACK! A good man that loves appreciates and isn't afraid of showing you off to the world will find you. Even at 50 love will find u.
DeleteDarling he will cheat on you after marriage.
ReplyDeleteA man who made commitment's with a girl shouldn't be frolicking with another. If he can't behave him self just before marriage then trust me he'd carry on during marriage.
He is not just chatting with the girl but like you said, he is treating her almost the same way he treats you or even better (taking her to the movies). I bet the girl also thinks she is the only one in his life and doesn't know about you.
God has shown you the kind of husband he'd be, don't take it for granted because marriage is a different ball game. You can easily breakup an engagement but divorce will break you for a long time if it has to get to that point.
If you have doubts about your partner and his affections for you it only means everything is not alright.
Harmed with the evidence you have and your convictions, I think and believe it's best you let him go. When you do, don't be surprised he'd start posting pictures of this "sidechick" who is also his "mainchick" on social media.
Don't gawk.
Gbam
DeleteDoppel my babe,always hitting d nail right on the spot.poster plz take doppel's advice
DeleteGbammer,gbammest.,..
Delete🔨🔨🔨
DeleteWelcome back Doppie
🔨🔨🔨
DeleteWelcome back Doppie
You are so on point....
DeletePipi Lee 😘😘
DeleteGbamest 🙌
DeleteI'm strategizing how to snoop...my instinct never fails.Poster he will still cheat while married.
ReplyDeleteForgive him and move on. Its obvious he loves that girl more than he does you.
ReplyDeleteSuch men don't change, they keep the side chic and she starts to bear children without your knowledge.
One day you will wakeup to meet that you have a second.
It's better you walk away now than suffer later.
I do believe in second chance, but this I just read guy ain't changing for her. It's obvious he share same love with the other babe.
DeleteBut he can't be legally married to two women, I think he loves the poster more.
DeleteRedbotafly you so right! Mine actually impregnated his side chicken few months after our introduction, I got to know of the child four years into our marriage, she's two years older than my first, you don't wanna know what that entails. It's never been the same ever since. Poster, you made a wise decision, don't you regret it, not even for once!
DeleteWell, he went way too far and I'm glad you called it off but I became confused when you asked if your action was too harsh, like are you lowkey regretting?
ReplyDeleteNo dear, no regrets. I just want to be sure I didn't make a hasty decision
DeleteLike you said there were other reasons too. You did the right thing, forget his crocodile tears and move on.
DeleteSome things never change and this is one.
Poster dear,ask ursef if that is d kind of man u realy want as a husband,move ahead babe,there are better men out there.
ReplyDeleteSnooping dey help o,it saved me
ReplyDeleteSaved me too... Almost got involved in this kind of ish and Ithought i could cope but the connection wasn't there any longer so I had to take a walk..
DeleteMy dear, it is not easy to breakup with someone you had hope of spending the rest of your life with but attimes we just need to move on... He said it is nothing serious whereas the other lady too thinks she is the only one.....be careful....
Poster, take a stance.
ReplyDeleteGo ahead with the matrimony and suffer lonely nights, infidelity, and all what-not... probably because you want to save face, or you're considering other people.
Or...
Take that walk and never look back. Be selfish with decisions concerning your ever-after.
You were not harsh.
Forget his begging o, he's trying to save face cos he doesn't know how to tell family and friends that he's the cause of the break-up.
If you decide to listen to family, friends and frenemies, I can only wish you well.
Good luck!
In marriage every woman makes her own compromises. Why don't you let it slide this time..give him very strict conditions on which he must act upon in order to have you back. Trust may have been lost but with communication and his committment to the relationship, it will return.
ReplyDeleteDo not rush into the marriage plans yet, hold on for like 6 months and observe carefully. He cannot pretend for that long. Good luck.
Strict keeh!someone that is ashamed of her even on socialmedia.after one month strictness na belle she go carry so.then she wil start disturbing us with chronicles.poster na u know sef!
DeleteThis is an advice from the pit of hell. Someone who is not proud to show off his engagement is it marriage he would be proud of?
DeleteStrict conditions? He'll stick to them till he marries her then start misbehaving again
DeleteAbegi, na today.. He is not even proud of her, he can't use her pics because of his numerous girlfriends... Babe, walk away but if you wan chook head....the choice is yours
Deletemy dear poster,you really did the right thing by breaking up the engagement! Never take him back o, just keep facing front! your own very man go come
ReplyDeleteI've had a similar experience. The delay in communication, the unexplainable absence for hours with the same excuses: was sleeping, phone was on silent. But I knew something was up and I snooped. Movie dates, sending her money, visits. I was weak. Even though he has "supposedly" cut all ties with her, my heart has gone cold cos of all the lies. I don't regret snooping cos I was no longer living a fairytale.
ReplyDeleteYes Ooo...same here...walk away if you can't stand it
DeleteSome cheat once, regret it and remorse sets in then it never repeats again, such peeps did it out of curiosity, revenge, under the influence, fell for a temptation after long contemplation, taken advantage of by their desperation....etc Others like this ur bobo got large quantity of infidelity flowing thru their veins, and its now like a hobby to them like swimming or dancing, they can even reprint the handwritten manual of the calculated procedure on how to up ur game & keep 2 preys & non the wiser, how easy donu think by can quit a hobby? Right now he's remorseful cus he lost a good wife, I can bet u he's still at it wit the sidechick, consoling him... he wouldn't want to lose both bread n butter.
ReplyDeleteYou're always spot on especially on topical issues.
DeleteExpect my replies under your comment(s) forthwith *runs away*
Baetheist!!!
DeleteAlways on point..chop kiss..in short gimme ur number..
DeletePipi love
DeletePoster, He will continue cheating and you will continue snooping. So Happy Cheating to him and a Happy snooping to you...
ReplyDelete😁😁😁😁
Deletebaby girl he is not cheating, he's inlove with the other lady. Don't rescind on your decision.
ReplyDeleteCorrect.
DeleteYes!
Delete👌
DeleteGbam
DeleteHe's not in love with any of them he's in love with himself.
DeleteMy dear, just kneel down and enter 1 hour of praise and worship.
ReplyDeleteSee how God removed the cloak of ignorance from your eye. Hian.
If you choose to go through with the marriage it's up to you. People don't change because they are getting married or rather it is G then their true colours actually show. Just make sure you protect yourself from multiple diseases and BP.
But this is funny o, he has engaged you and is doing movie dates,sleep overs and chilling with a babe and has the stupidity to tell you 'it's nothing serious.' lolololololo. Nothing wey person no dey hear.
Nawa for Nigerian men sha, behaving like randy he goats since 19 kpirigim.
Some men just see marriage as keeping a woman in the house to bear kids and perform other wifely duties. But they have little or no emotional connection, loyalty or respect for them. Such men spend all their time, energy and resources outside and are easy pray to those women who scam men or use JuJu or spread diseases or break homes. Wives in such relationships end up miserable and develop a very low self esteem. Thank God you used your head.
DeleteMove on der since you can't cope with the cheating spree cos this is just the beginning of the drama
ReplyDeleteI think this will be the last time of stating this bitter truth here!
ReplyDeleteOur single and married beautiful ladies here listen and listen good to me.99.9% of men cheat.Whether married or single. The remaining percent are mostly persons that have sexual problems and few men that really fear God.My ladies, if a man is not physically abusing you stay with your man ooo or else as you are stepping out another babe is at the door to move in. These acts have been with men from the inception. So,Teamsnop of life make una kwantinua!unu anugo?
Speak for yourself
DeleteSo you are cheating on your wife?
Delete"These acts have been with men from the inception" please whom did Adam cheat with? You'll probably say there was no option. Who did Jacob cheat with? How about Isaac his father? Even the worst couple recorded in the new testament-Ananias and Saphirra- or the one of the old testament-Ahab and Jezebel- were faithful. So, please what inception?
DeleteKeep living in denial! You think every other man is with you on your cheating boat. Not all men cheat, idiot.
DeletePoster,take it from a guy, your guy is in love with other woman trust me.
That is a bloody lie. My father never cheated for once. I snooped, my mum did. The man is clean as a slate.
DeleteAnd I know 3 married men who will rather die than cheat. I used to think they were scared of their wives but nah, it's respect and self discipline.
Thats what they all say...a friend(male) told me same thing...but can't they change... So because Someone did it, you must do...smh for you...
DeleteChoi! Sexy spermy daddy of life, you just finished showing the kind of man you are. Please try to adjust, that your beautiful wife deserves better. All men do not cheat there are morally minded men, there are truly Godfearing men. So speak for yourself.
DeleteIt's typically men without discipline who speak like this
DeleteWow. You are very strong and I like your ability to make decision within a short time. You know what, that guy not gonna change, he will still do it again, when you are pregnant. Its an inbuilt thing. Decide now if you want to go on with him or go your own way.
ReplyDelete👌
Delete
ReplyDeleteYou say na once abi? Who tell you?
No be the one wey you see fit hand you know?.
See man matter no be wetin go give somebody catarhh.
If you know say you fit cope any which way, knack your ring proceed.
If you know say your heart never done like that,waka.
Because wetin somebody dey see for marriage ehn,mouth no fit talk am. Na just to dey contribute to the book of lamentations be that.
Chai, This one tough gan.Finding a man who doesn't cheat these days is hard but I believe their are still good guys out there.Most good guys don't come in a flashy package.
ReplyDeleteI can't marry someone that I can't trust around female domestic staff or neighbors.When someone should be busy enjoying marriage then I will be busy snooping.Mbanu!!!
This happened to me and I moved on for my sanity.You can either turn blind on his cheating ways or totally forget him and keep looking out for a faithful partner.Both have their consequences,Think well and make your descision.At the end of the day its YOU first!
Hian! Story. Harsh how? Abeg leave that yeye guy. He doesn't have ONE tiny sense. At least let the main chic be the primary beneficiary of your hustle. Then dust to side chics. You will suffer ehn if you marry that guy. If he loves the girl so much he should go and wife her. Also, think about why he wants to marry you, while he is so close to that babe:
ReplyDelete1. Do you have a good job?
2. Are you from a wealthy home?
3. Are you connected?
4. Industrious? Team #independentwomandontneedamanthem
5. From his home town?
6. The apple of his mother's eyes or the preferred one by his family?
7. Are you a citizen of another country?
8. Is the girl of a different religion?
These and more the reasons why a guy will be doing such for a side chic and not his main babe. He loves that girl to the point of sliding you in her presence. You ain't his priority and i wish i had his number to tell him he has been fished out. Slimy!!
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DeleteSaid it all
Delete🤣🤣😂😂
DeleteNice list.. Poster tick one or two.
From the look of it,That other girl has his heart. Yep
No man would avoid his heartbeat's calls to hang with just a side piece.
From Feb till date.. That other woman is RESIDENT.
Gbam. She is just a side chick fortunate enuf to get the ring. Your man loves the other babe more
DeleteHitting the nail on the head @chikito ..........
DeleteHe probably was dating her b4 he met d poster, & d poster is more of a wife material due to one or more of Items 1-8 Listed above. & he is just Trying to compensate the other babe, hence d overpampering, it may end after marriage or continue depending on how compatible both of u r or simply put if ur Tohtoh sweet pass d other babe own....... But if na her own sweet pass, just forget it, it will continue for long.
He probably wants to marry her for what he will get..maybe you have a good job or influence that can help him...
DeleteGbam!! Chikito you have finished work!
DeleteSurely the tendency of him cheating again is there but trust me 90% of men do cheat. What is important is the extent of his love for u. My only concern is the fact that he treats the side chick better than u,that shows she has preference over u. U may consider him but do small Sakara and make him beg for ur love if he truly cares.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, that your red wine and toilet move is soooo me 😂😂 The way it twirls in the glass with its legs. Oooouuuu baby! Red wine solves problems *runs before my pastor catches me*
ReplyDeleteHmmm.....I think it's simple. You are one of the numerous and he will definitely cheat again. Am a man and trust me if a man is into more than one woman at a point he is about to take a major relationship step then he is a serial cheat. Have been married for almost two decades and can tell you it gets really difficult to stay faithful I'd you are a good man, successful, dress well and have a wonderful wife. Women and babes can smell them half a mile away and its only the grace of God. But when a man is already cheating when he should be looking forward to unlimited access to the love of his life then he is "everybody's man and nobody's husband. Call it off for now and see if he really values you and ready to change. Yes we all deserve a second chance but it's more hard work and commitment on the part of the cheater. He could want to play the field for the last time which is very wrong. I will say don't give up on love and you sound like a woman with a very strong backbone. So love yourself and see how hard he can fight to win and get you back. You will know if you can take him back or not.
ReplyDelete#come back and thank me later.
Spot on anony!
DeleteAwwwn anon15:46 you just won my heart! Spot on! "Everybody's man and nobody's husband"
Delete👍
DeleteLadies step up your snooping game:
ReplyDeleteThe best way to snoop is to go to God who knows all secrets; how?
My husband is a business executive and needed to go to a conference in another city. In my family (of five), we all fast from morning till evening during the weekends; fri. sat. sun. And we have our family fellowship on Sunday evenings. We also pray at midnight just like Jesus taught. So before my husband went for this conference, the Lord revealed to me in a dream that a particular lady will come with a problem and would want him to help her. She would demand to visit him in his hotel room for discussion but her intention is seduction. The Lord showed me that if my husband yielded; i.e. allowed her in his room, he would "NEVER RECOVER FROM IT". After sharing it with him; even the description of the lady etc. He left. And when he returned, he told me that the lady (someone he trusted) wore even the exact dress that the Lord showed me. And after the conference, she was there pleading for his assistance with a project. My husband simply found an alibi and told her that they should discuss it there in the hotel lobby that he will be there as long as the discussion lasted. This lady refused and pleaded for the discussion in the comfort of my husband's room, next morning. He rejected that and called me that night. We changed his flight schedule and he left earlier than he planned. When the lady called as soon as my hubby arrived (she had actually been calling during the flight;don't know how she got his cell number. She was supposed to have only the official one), he gave me the phone and I simply said "I am the wife, he is home and sleeping soundly in my arms . . ."
Daniel two verse twenty two: He reveals deep and hidden things; he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him.
Arghhhhhhhhhhhh
DeleteNot again!
Lool! Ozugozienu biko!! You and this story everyday..
DeleteGo away with this and tell us something new. Hain!
DeleteLol! Who do u did thing? Kai 😭
DeleteDis*
DeleteHaba. V read this shit before. It was cute before but please stop repeating it. Ah
DeleteAbegi....leave story....this is super story....
DeleteMy lady Igo of life. 👏👏👏
DeleteAh ah madam it haff do now,is it by force?please stop choking us with this your story,kilode?Don't you have another to tell us nii?
DeleteU called off the engagement. Are you Wise? Yes.Are you strong? Yes.should you recind on your decision? HELL NO.Right now she is the drug in his vein and a torn in your flesh.Who starts a Lifetime commitment that way? BULLSHIT!
ReplyDeletePeople don't change, I'm firm in my belief of this. What they do is learn how to hide better. Anyone who seemingly changes radically should be critically evaluated, all is not right there.
ReplyDeleteBabe truth be told your bobo will not change,he's obviously in love with the side chick. He probably sees something in you to hold on to hence the reason he wants to wife you!
ReplyDeleteI suggest u keep to ur decision of breaking up else u going to be sending loads of chronicle to this our blog,well except you have decided to accept him & he's side chick then you can continue with the engagement.
I used to have a friend like that,he was in love with another girl but ended up marrying another with the claim that the girl he's in love with didn't stay with him while he was still hustling to make it big, in marriage he kept cheating with the other girl,to make matters worse he's in the abroad while wife & sidechik in naija, he did for the sidechick same thing he did for wify,sometimes he would be in naija with side chick, wife won't know,until sidechik finally dumped him & married another man,I guess such man will move on to the next available side chick & d cheating spree continues.
The man wants to marry this poster coz she's a good girl and wife material
DeleteThis one he is ashamed of u on social media.if u go bck,na to hook u wit belle straight as a proof of love then continue with oringoringo..jisike poster!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahaha, so true
DeleteThat is a dead set give away! Poster your head dey there. Don't mind those men here saying you are wrong.
DeleteThis is a quick question for all them team snoop out there especially those who claim that snooping has saved them. Question: After the discovery from snooping and you ended the relationship, the one you moved on to how has it been? Have/Will/Did you snoop in the new relationship too? If yes, did you move on again?
ReplyDeleteStella, i think you should make this a topic for discussion.
Anonymous The Devil's advocate
Snooping is good mbok
DeleteSnoop and snoop and snoop
@Galore
I think you just dodged a bullet. Becos let me tell u "it's never gets better, only worse". But, you can forgive him and give him a second chance. Do not rush d wedding ,just make sure you study him for sometime.
DeleteIf you like dey there dey close ya eyes, if you can't snoop don't go crying when the sh*t hits the fan. It is all about information, what you do with it is entirely up to you.
DeleteE-hugs for u anonymous 15:46
ReplyDeleteFrom your narrative I dont think your man can change, for him to even tell the side chic so many things that should be kept secret and taking her to places he has taken you that means that lady is also special to him.You made a good move dear.
ReplyDeleteThere are many men who don't cheat,good godly men,if you take that guy back you will regret it,God has shown you the future and you better flee or you will regret it later,I even hope he isn't sleeping with you yet,if he is then go for stds test,his family is hiding secrets for him,are you even sure that girl isn't his babymama.
ReplyDeleteDear poster,
ReplyDeleteFrom your narration. I think you took the right decision by calling off the engagement. He will most like continue with this attitude even in marriage and instead of you to be happy you will be insecure and questioning every of his actions. So if you know you can deal with it then forgive him and move on. I am teamsnoop by the way
Hitting the nail on the head..........
ReplyDeleteHe probably was dating her b4 he met d poster, & d poster is more of a wife material due to one or more of Items 1-8 above. & he is just Trying to compensate the other babe, hence d overpampering, it may end after marriage or continue depending on how compatible both of u r or simply put if ur Tohtoh sweet pass d other babe own....... But if na her own sweet pass, just forget it, it will continue for long.
Wow! Sweetheart, you made the right decision, in my considered view. I belong to the school of thought which holds that it's in a man's nature to desire more than one sex partner. The few men who are and remain faithful, actually fight their natural urges. Some have mastered the "art" of being faithful, while it's a daily battle for others. HOWEVER, the way and manner a man goes about cheating, speaks volumes of his character and morality.
ReplyDelete
The issue I find troubling is the fact that he seems really into another lady while getting engaged to you. As I read your story, I kept wondering if you somehow forced or cajoled him into marrying you. You know how some ladies keep dropping "hints" on marriage so inelegantly to the men in their lives? Some even call an emergency meeting after barely dating a guy for 3 months! The agenda of the meeting? "So where do you see this relationship going?", "how come you haven't come to see my parents?" and stuff like that. I was wondering because I cannot, for the life of me, understand why a guy who ought to be over the moon with excitement that the girl of his dreams said "yes" to his proposal, is busy getting giggy with some other lady. What makes it more ridiculous is, he's actually cutting corners with you to enable him spend more on the other lady. It goes to show that some wives are actually the side chics, while the so called side chics are the wives in the heart of some men. You got the ring but she got the heart, it appears. It's all or nothing, my darling. If he can't give you his heart and the ring, the ring means nothing. It's good you cry now and save yourself the agony of being "the other woman" in your own matrimonial home and cry continually.
Once a cheat, always a cheat? I don't think so. It boils down to the reason that particular man cheats in the first place. It's rare but some of the reckless cheats wind up becoming faithful husbands. Some, however, continue cheating even into the grave. It would appear your ex wasn't really into marrying you, I wonder why he proposed to you? My darling, hang in there, a man worthy of your love will certainly show up. It's not how far nor fast but how well. There are only a few things worst than a lady marrying the wrong guy. You acted timeously, if you asked me. Things could have gotten complicated if you delayed. Don't be fooled by his pleas, his actions suggest otherwise. Like the legendary Maya Angelou said "when people show you who they are, believe them the first time." Please honey, don't sell yourself short by settling for less than you deserve.
#e-bearhugs.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Delete😘😘😘😘😘😘
Thanks for this...poster read this please....
DeleteThank you Ronalda!! Dear poster, pls don't go back to him.
DeleteRonalda you never ever dissappoints when dishing out advice
DeleteI just love reading comments on these posts. So many differing points of view that make you go "ah-ha"
ReplyDeleteWell stella, I do understand where you are coming from with the whole team no snoop - ignorance is bliss. But if you read the poster's chronicle carefully she states that when she needed to use his phone for another reason previously, he became defensive. Therein lies the problem. Which woman with functioning emotions would ignore that. That's enough reason to want to know why he was being defensive.
Anyway, bottom line is the dude was telling poster that he didn't have money for the sort of ring he would have preferred to get her but YET he was spending money on this other girl and taking her out PUBLICLY. he was professing to the worlid that he loves her whereas that is something he is yet to do with poster. Cut your losses poster. You did the right thing. Unfortunately some men get married because it's time for them to get married even though they aren't marrying the women of their dreams. And then eventually they meet the woman of their dreams and all they want to do is be with that person not minding whose ox is gored. This thing right here was exactly supposed to happen and there isn't a damn thing you could have done to change it. Just know that if you don't cheat on your man and can't deal with men cheating on you then you deserve a man that won't cheat on you. Your partner is out there. Just wait on the Lord and the Lord will bring him to you. It is written
Ciao
I agree with you & chikito
DeleteIt's more than a fling with the side chic, I think he loves her. He's exhibiting signs that shows she's special to him. This begs the question, why is he commiting & marrying another?
1. He's marrying you for all the wrong reasons and love isn't one. If a man loves you so much, he wouldn't have eyes for another and not during the honey moon phase of planning a wedding.
If he's cheating now, what would happen when your fat from childbirth and your breast is saggy? Why isn't he head over heels crazy about you right now when you are at your presumed best? His heart isn't with you. I wonder why he's marrying you.
The fact he hasn't posted a pic on SM is because the side chic follows him and he doesn't want to embarrass her or rub it in her face.
It's a good thing you broke it off. She would have been a thorn in your marriage.
Poster......I understand how you feel but I tell you you shouldn't have called off the wedding. All men do this and this girl might even be just a female friend he's close to. The fact you should know is that he chose you above all other girls if there were others.
ReplyDeletePlease, accept his pleas and give him chance to explain himself........hear him out don't let any one deceive you.
All men do what? Don't save money for engagement ring? Spend more on side chics? Tell them more than they tell their wives? No honey. Only foolish men do. I mean, I'm not gonna stand here and say once my man cheats amo kick his ass out, Cos no one knows tommorow. But da hell if I'm wearing a diamond engagement ring, she should be wearing swarovski friendship ring. If you get me a Range, let her have the Rav4, etc. That way they know who's boss. Not taking her to movies and telling me me don't have money for such. Haha! Y'all have a nice life cos i can't deal.
DeleteKikikikikikiki... low self esteem, smh...
Deleteanon 22:08 na ur mama get low self esteem 🖐 dts how u ppl won't let sm1 comment in peace.chiki no mind the gutter rat.awon doppel dem.
Deletemy dear if your heart is saying no for some reasons please follow it and do not look back for all the I beg in the world. You don't know marriage can be hell if u marry a man when u had second thoughts saw the signs clearly. See my heart told me I was clearly making a mistake marrying my husband I did not listen. He does not sleep at home. Each time he makes money he ups and leaves the house without informing me to hotel with women it's barely a 2 years marriage I cry all the time i have fought, chased him around fallen sick cos of stress. When he is done spending all we have he comes home to me and I become the guy wife who eats roasted corn and rice without meat. Please lady if this guy cheats now he is a cheating mew. Marriage is sweet if u do it rite do not compromise on your standards. If u don't like a cheating man and cheating is on his list dump dump dump I say. Me right now am trying to get a job. I pray I find 1 soon. Cos if I an going to stay in this marriage it has to be because I want to not out of circumstances but I know if I get this job I am out. If he likes sleeping outside I want him to be able to bring her home cos this place is certainly not feeling like my home anymore. I would rather be alone for real than in the house and my husband is in some hotel. This 1 no be marriage.
ReplyDeleteE-Hug to you dearest,you will surely be fine,some men are scumbags,but dont worry dearest,dnt be afraid to reject what you wont condole cheating is a No No,no woman deserves to be cheated upon..
DeleteBig Hug dearest
You'll get a job soon IN JESUS NAME,AMEN
DeletePoster, you are strong woman. I wish I had half your courage. You are a lioness, don't settle for a dog. Your man is on the way. He will see your value and he will love and respect you. Cheers
ReplyDeleteI could have sworn I wrote this. Found out he was seeing someone before he met me. But has been talking marriage since we got together. Claims to have ended things with her but is it ever really over? Especially when she keeps trying to reconcile. He might ignore or block in your presence then unblock the minute you're away. I honestly don't have the time or patience for emotional stress. So do you babe. Do you!
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I Dont have any man to give you but i think you took the right decision.... Shit happens and we get over it...
ReplyDeleteif you feel you can cope, then forgive him but trust me, you will always want to snoop to know if you still have him as yours...
It will affect your self-esteem because you will want to check out the girl, see what she has that you Dont have...
Some men cheat but not all....
Your man will find you but if you think you can forgive him, then its your choice...
I wish you well....
Reading your story reminds me of someone....
You did the right thing cos some issues you over look during courtship may just double after marriage. He wants to eat his cake and have it.
ReplyDeleteHe isn't just cheating. He ignores her in the process of cheating. He must have a thing for her that's why he takes her to the movies. Who does that? He doesn't have money, yet he spends on the side chick. He doesn't respect you. Simple!
ReplyDeleteLook, men cheat, yes, my own man cheats, but he gives me my due respect, I call him he is on call waiting, he immediately ends the call to answer mine, RESPECT!! he doesn't leave any chat or familiar call on his phone, RESPECT!! This man has no respect for you, my dear you did the right thing, imagine him saying its nothing serious! I die! I catch my guy, he would call that babe in my presence and say he is taken, even if I know say he would probably go and still beg the girl. I see and smell nothing, he gives me my due respect that is what you as a woman should look out for. How can you marry a man that has the audacity to leave messages and calla of other chicks on his phone when he knows you are around. I beg
ReplyDeleteAnd you call all this nonsense respect? How do you sleep at night knowing he's sharing his penis with other women? Your self esteem must be really low you've grown totally numb from it. You're dealing with a manipulative narcissist and you don't even realise it. You deserve your cheating husband. I can't deal!
DeleteAh, my dearest Stella,
ReplyDeleteI was the one who sent in this chronicle.
A lot happened during this time that I did not even have the time to read all the comments.
Most of them were geared towards leaving him. I can’t thank you guys enough for your words of encouragement.
In fact, let me do small tatafo…hehehe
I stupidly went on with the wedding plans oh. Albeit delayed (yeah I was stupid)
But suddenly it felt like everyone was against the union. My mom had always had her reservations about him which was further confirmed by his actions.
Fast forward to valentine’s day, I didn’t receive anything until the next day (one ugly cake by the way…lol)
It not like I was expecting anything but what got me pissed was that I later found out that he had perfumes and gifts delivered to this same girl (her gift was right on time by the way!) guess who made the delivery?...HIS YOUNGER BROTHERS WIFE!...looool
Did I also mention that this girl had the nerve to ask a friend to send me a DM on IG enquiring about how serious our union was (talk about total lack of respect…no boundaries at all!) For all I know he could have been feeding her lies from the outset.
Or should I talk about how he asked me to come for his Sisters surprise birthday party being thrown by his brother in-law. I didn’t hear anything from him about the venue and all, but I saw pictures of this same girl at the party on his sisters WhatsApp status.
The gist is a very long one. I can’t even type it all. Maybe I should even write a book like Toke.
What even irks me the most is that he is a committed church member.
Hmmmm.
Now to the best part of my story.
I have met someone who respects me and shows me off to the world.
Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve him.
He isn’t perfect, neither am I…but I just want to enjoy the moment. Hopefully it leads to something, no rush here…Flips weave.
Please put us in your prayers
Thank you once again