Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.

When love breaks...it brokes...

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BROKEN;SAD,DEPRESSED,FRUSTRATED,ANGRY AND ASHAMED



Stella,
As I write this letter to you, I'm broken, sad, depressed, frustrated, angry, ashamed and my self esteem is at the lowest.


Met a guy 2013 online and we saw 2014 in person, the first time I saw him, I fell in love with him. He gave me what no other man has ever given me and that was his full attention, saw him 3 times before he went back to his base and it was pure heaven.


When he got back he didn't really talk to me for 3 days and he said it was because he had to adjust to work etc. We got closer than ever and he asked me to get pregnant for him so we could get married, I said No, told him I wanted to get married first before getting pregnant, after that my phone spoilt and I asked him for one and some days later he said we should be friends, said it seems I only want things from him.

 We talked about it and we continued, after a little while his attitude changed towards me and he said he met someone thru his cousin and they've been chatting for 2 weeks and he has feelings for her. That really broke me, I begged and practically grovelled but he didn't change his mind.


Then I made the biggest mistake and didn't distance myself from him, we'd sex chat and whenever he comes, we'd have sex or I give him blowjob and he wouldn't kiss nor hold me.
I'd swear not to see him again and try to distant myself but he'd chat me up again all day and next thing I know we'd sext again, have webcam sex, that went on for 3 years, I met a few other guys but I never loved any of them, I'd constantly ask if he has someone and he would say no, and that gave me home tat someday, maybe he will See Me as a gf or wife. 

I'd think maybe if I dress sexy enough and send him pictures or maybe when he comes I should give him the best head of his life and maybe just maybe he will want/love me.


Well, he came home of recent, I went to see him and when I got there, I saw them packing fruits and yam inside, I asked him if they were having a party and he said yes that they were having a church party. After everyone left, we had sex, although I tried to stop it but I wasn't strong enough and I love him. When I got home, I asked if he was getting married and he said no that it wasn't on the table, he said he will definitely tell me if it was time for that.


Few days after I decided to search online and I found out he got married 3 days after we had sex, I was furious and I confronted him and he didn't admit nor deny it, he was nonchalant about it and said his mind is clean that after all he already told me we won't end up together. I called him all sorts of names, he actually brought out the worst in me and then we blocked eachother on social media, I deleted his numbers too.


Now I find it hard to move on, my mind is filled with regrets and some many " I wish". Don't even know what hurts the most, the sex? Fact that he is married? Cos he chose someone else over me? Did I even mean anything to him at all? I keep trying to block the pain and try to forget it but it's not working.


I know all I have to do is move on but right now it seems impossible, just decided to send this in and to be honest, writing about it made it a bit better :)
I wish there is magic pill I can take that will erase his memory, I really miss the happy girl I was before all these.


Less I forget, I haven't seen a picture of him and his wife but I know I can find it... Should I look for it and see it? Will it make me feel better or worse?