Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Temi Otedola Talks About Her Autistic Brother And How His Love Changed Her...

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Monday, April 03, 2017

Temi Otedola Talks About Her Autistic Brother And How His Love Changed Her...

Yesterday was World Autism day 2017..



Autism Awareness day was launched 9 years ago to raise awareness and conversation about the people living with autism around the globe. with this in mind, I have
decided to share my own personal experience with autism.


Before getting to my own personal journey of loving and knowing someone on the autistic spectrum, I think it’s important to first describe what it is to those of you reading who are less familiar. Essentially, autism is a social development disorder which affects the cognitive, communicative and interactive ability of the brain.


People with autism struggle with heightened sensory stimulation and need a lot of attention and support from their parents, teachers and siblings to ensure they can lead the most productive and happy life possible. Raising awareness is not the main goal at this point–understanding is, and even more important–acceptance. So this Autism Awareness Day I ask for all of you, to appreciate, love on, or simply accept those living with autism.


How has autism personally affected my life?

In 2004, my mum called my sisters and me into her bedroom. With the composure only a mother can have, she told us that our baby brother, Fewa, had ‘special needs’. While my sisters asked questions, all I could do was think about what this would mean for me, the already overindulged, youngest of three girls.



Thankfully, my selfishness quickly wore off and Fewa quickly became the centre of our family. The role of an older sister always entails some sort of responsibility. However, the role of an older sister to an autistic sibling is a great deal more work. At first, it seemed like every day with him was a challenge, especially for my mother. I remember seeing my mum helping Fewa with simple tasks like brushing his teeth, helping him to get dressed, or feeding him lunch, with each day ultimately ending in exhaustion. Our family has been so blessed to have help from carers, but no one can deny the resilience my mother has had raising Fewa. It is the thing I most respect about her.



Every day, I see him becoming more independent. Our relationship is becoming less one-sided; I can truly say that we are friends. Fewa doesn’t need anyone’s sympathy. He is the most genuine and caring person I know. This is probably why I have never seen Fewa’s autism as necessarily and totally negative, it is a unique characteristic that adds to the complexity of the person that he is.
I am not naïve or unrealistic. I certainly have some gnawing worries about the future.


Fewa will always need support of some kind. At age sixteen he still requires 24 hour help. I would say that the biggest misconception about autism is that people who have it are socially inept geniuses – Rainman, anyone? Yes, that is true for some autistic people, but there is a reason the official term is “autism spectrum disorder”. It is a spectrum, and it can range from children who are not able to speak at all to children who can go to normal schools.



No matter what I do, I need to build my life with Fewa in mind. My parents won’t be around forever, and his care and well-being will become the responsibility of me and my sisters.

It is true that consideration for Fewa will always affect the decisions I make in my life. Despite this, Fewa is by no means a burden. These worries do not reduce the immense love I have for my brother who has brought so much joy and shown me the purest form of love. To quote The Bard, “Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.”

 It is Fewa’s unconditional love that has shaped me into the woman I am today – a sister, a teacher, a carer and a best friend.



*This really touched me...I pray for strength for every family that has someone living with Autism..It is not easy at all.
I have friends who have child that are Autistic and because they didnt understand,their Marriages broke down under the pressure..
Please read google to find out more about this..

69 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Nice that she spoke up about it...a lot of people are silent about it,living in denial,and some of us that are doing our best as regards it are finding it difficult because of the society we are in. I have been meaning to start up an organisation where parents with autistic kids can lean on each other and raise funds to help the less privileged autistic kids in our society. I'll send a mail to SDK for IHN so interested people can join the support group.

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    2. Nice that she spoke up about it...a lot of people are silent about it,living in denial,and some of us that are doing our best as regards it are finding it difficult because of the society we are in. I have been meaning to start up an organisation where parents with autistic kids can lean on each other and raise funds to help the less privileged autistic kids in our society. I'll send a mail to SDK for IHN so interested people can join the support group.

      Delete
    3. Eyaah, some people will even be hiding the child from outsiders.

      What is the difference between autism and down syndrome?

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    4. Anonymous 14:14 pls can we link up, I have been wanting to do that too..pls kindly respond if you see this

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    5. @ Anon 14:14 and bukola- im in the process of doing the same but for spina Bifida- support is needed; let's do this! 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

      Delete
    6. Sandra was here3 April 2017 at 19:58

      Stella u don't say autistic children rather children living with autism.

      Delete
    7. Me too.Am interested in SB and hydrocephalus.Pls do mail me.

      Delete
  2. I never knew. The Lord continues to strengthen them

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  3. Wow, what an honest write-up. God bless you dear.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Isn't it curable? Toni Braxtons son was cleared a while ago or I an mixing it up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It can only be managed. If they receive good care some of them do turn out to be geniuses.

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    2. Its incurable. It requires care, attention and lots of patience

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    3. It has a wide spectrum, some.kids are not as bad.and with early intervention can live near normal or even normal lives while some are very bad and can barely function

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  5. It is well. I read it somewhere and come and see comments

    chai commenters dont have chill at all

    Make i keep quiet jare

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spill nah... me sef don hear say na the boy them use. Oya tell us joor

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  6. It's good you have with your brother's case broadened your knowledge about autism so you can help him and be there for him. Well said temi and may God continually bless your brother Fewa.

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  7. Enter your comment...why is it that most rich families in Nigeria either have an imbecile, a tout or a child suffering from life long incurable sickness? I've just observed that, the rich also cry after all...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You just sounded like an illiterate!,..
      This is the kind of statement I hear from those local people in my village!...

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    2. Dumb Nitwit,i also have a special child and I want to believe I do not fall into d kind of rich u are trying to describe..If u cannot be emphatic,get lost.
      PS:I never do this,just angry at d mofo.

      Delete
    3. Are you for real Austin? Its hard to believe that such misinformation came out from you...every family's got issue

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    4. It's ignorance that will kill you.
      We had a company driver whose son had this.
      The poor ones exist believe me but many are ashamed to bring them out. They think it's something to be ashamed of. They mostly stay indoors.
      While the rich becos they are enlightened enrol them in special needs schools and try to educate others about the condition.

      Delete
    5. Mumu Austin, even an idiot wount reason like this smh

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  8. Such a heartwarming read.

    And he's so handsome.

    God bless you, baby girl. You're a great sister.

    And before anybody comes here to yarn trash about this family, please, go read up on autism.

    #WhiteDiamondOut

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was surprised at the amount of hate people spewed on her family from a post I read on instablog. Some even went as far as saying it was God's punishment for her father.
    I truly admire her bravery for speaking up about autism. It's not something any family wishes for. Autistic children need care and attention 24 hours of the day. It could be truly tasking and exhausting for any family.

    Dear Nigerians please stop the stigmatisation. It's not witch craft or jazz that causes autism. I have a friend with two lovely good looking kids that are Autistic. Watching her display of affection towards her kids taught me to know how ungrateful I have been to God over my own children who have no special needs.
    My friend doesn't hide her kids away from the public like most people do. She celebrates all their mile Stones. I remember when they turned 5 she went all out for their birthday party. I couldn't help but cry that day in my car and I prayed to God that someday either by a miracle or science, a cure should be found if only for these kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the most ignorant mistake made by 'enlightened' Nigerians is thinking that a spiritual/juju attack won't have a name in science or medicine.I can't put anything past any Nigerian rich man

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    2. Thank you anon. Don't mind all these over sabi 'enlightened peeps'

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  10. Awww this is so beautiful! Femi and Nana are so blessed to have beautiful children. They come across as having great manners

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  11. It's well

    He has a good family

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  12. Hmmm, never knew otedola has a son

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  13. Coping with any disability ain't easy at all. God bless everyone who gives special attention to disables

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The polite and politically accepted term is "people with special needs" not disabled please.

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    2. True its "special needs"
      I like the way the girl expressed her feelings. May God continue to provide for you and your family. Amen

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    3. Noted Broomstick n thanks

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  14. Care and loveis what it takes....

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  15. Oh dear!
    Every family has their secret pain.
    Handsome boy. As least he is luckier than some and has a family that can give him the best care

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hi temmy, in case ur bro need a wife autism or not, kind holla at urs faithfully . I don't mind being ur sis in law

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  17. Autistic people are extremely intelligent people who deserve care and love and a lot of patience from us all.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Eyaaa..
    I know someone will I say she outgrow hers...
    Infact,she recently gave birth making it her third child!...
    One useless efuluefu used her condition to get her pregnant...some men are so useless ehhee...
    His family forced him to marry her by force!,..
    They have been married for years now and the girl is managing her home well!...
    She takes care of her kids,cooks and do other house chores!...
    If you don't know her before,you won't know she had such challenge before!...

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  19. May God continue to strengthen them.

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  20. Naijagistlive see your handwork. Ripple effect now they are forthright about their bro. It is well. Peace.

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  21. Until people talk about their struggles.. you just might never know.
    First step is acceptance.. then you learn about it.
    It helps.
    May God be with this family and every other family out there battling with one problem or the other.
    There is light after that dark tunnel.

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  22. This is d gist that brought naijagistlive to its knees....

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  23. hahahahaha anon 13:50 abeg i like your style jare. Send Temi your details

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  24. Eyah make God continue to give you wisdom and understanding in taking care of your brother

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  25. There is no specific cure for autism.
    But early detection and various therapies started early, have been known to help and in some cases almost reversed. But no specific cure i.e Toni braxtons son.
    There are also different spectrums of autism. There is mild autism, high functioning autism, severe autism etc.
    Some are very brilliant so far they are kept on a schedule and once this schedule is disrupted, wahala go dey.
    Some just have problems with social interaction and are otherwise normal.
    And some don't function properly and have to have their every need catered for.
    I admire Nanas strength in raising him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I duff my hat to you. You are intelligent and well read. Not a lot of people are aware about autism and how severe each case may be depending on the individual.

      With proper therapy,they could almost live a normal life.

      Delete
  26. I must say. This girls always come off as very humble and well mannered.

    ReplyDelete
  27. blood money can cause some kind of autism

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If you notice it's poor people that keep on shouting blood money. wonder many of you never leave poverty.
      I guess the white people that have autistic kids also did blood money.
      Jenny McCarty,Toni Braxton and John Travolta all did blood money for their kids to have autism.
      I can't stand ignorant people with no empathy.

      Delete
    2. Shame on you!

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    3. This was what I was saying the day we were discussing if a rich should marry the poor. I said no way! Many poor are suspicious bitter people.

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    4. Oh shame on you Anon16:21..... #sad! Why do some people reason through their anus?

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    5. Exactly many poor people there reasoning eh ,na wha na real wha

      Delete
  28. Eyahaa! She is a lovely sister indeed.



    Long live SDK

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  29. Am glad she put this post up.I am a mum of a mildly autistic child. My son is very intelligent. He taught himself to read at 4.Can draw good pictures. Looks like he is going to be a great artist. He only lacks social skills and some speech but he has improved a lot with speech therapy . So autism is on a spectrum and more awareness needs to happen in Nigeria. Parents stop hiding your autistic kids and pretend there is nothing wrong.You need to help your child fit into society.It takes hard work but we will get there.

    ReplyDelete

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