Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

Hmmmmm....

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE....

A CHRONICLE TO LEARN FROM...

‎I would like to share my story, not really to seek advice, but hoping someone, somewhere learns a thing or two from my mistakes.

I grew up with strong morals, discipline and principles and stuck to them even in the face of adversaries. My parents taught us to live for honesty above all else, but I probably over did it. So when everyone else strayed a bit, I wanted to be the best one. I refused to date or have sex till I was almost 30.


I was the strong one, the prayerful one, the miss fix it. The one even my older ones would consult for advice before taking decisions. The one my father told on his deathbed to make sure everyone was alright. The one who wanted to change the world, help and be an agent of change to everyone whose path I crossed and that crossed mine. I knew what poverty was and I hated to see anyone lack.


Getting a degree was tough, but we felt it would create a pathway to success for us. Getting a job became difficult and we opted for what was available and built passion and love for it. Our selflessness helped us to thrive and survive for years till it seemed everything fell apart.


The pain of seeing all these and not been able to fix it drove me over the edge, mentally, psychologically and emotionally. I fought it, even went out of my way seeking help from strangers till I had to accept it was over.


I took solace in someone I'd met and fallen in love with, he became my strength and knowing he was there, helped me to hold on. Then two weeks ago, he said he wants to get married soon. To say I was shocked was an understatement, I couldn't wrap my head around the pain or how things keep failing in my life and yesterday, he told me today is his wedding....I can't even describe my present state of mind.


I know a lot of people would still cuss me out and say many nasty things, so I might not be brave enough to come back and read comments. I'm already depressed enough and having a strong urge to end it all, cos my dreams are dead and the will to live has died with it.


I look back now and remember all the times people called me brilliant, exceptional, amazing, and extolled my virtues and I realize how wasted it's all become. Now I wonder if it really rocks to be completely good in a world that messes you up.
To be decent in a world where men don't seek morals but marry based on social status. A world where you're left questioning the christian beliefs and faith you were raised with.


I have also learned the hard way that "the pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase: if you pursue happiness, you'll never find it"


Thanks to SDK community. It made my life a bit easier in the years I fought to hold on and stay strong and keep fighting.