Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday Gists..HUH?

Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sunday Gists..HUH?

Today is Sunday and there are no rules or regulations...*side eyes at gist collators*

The Funniest,Most original contribution takes it all....#Cashprice.

The gist Collators will be counting..if you like use 100 ID to vote for yourself..LMAO #onlyvalidIDs.

Off to eat...

114 comments:

OLAWEALTH ANKARA 07037210981, KAURA MARKET, ABUJA12 March 2017 at 14:00
The frown on the face of the goat will not stop it from being taken to the market..
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Emjay12 March 2017 at 14:01
OK naa.
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 14:04
@Stella, that "emoji" is dirty.
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 14:04
This teeth dey scare person oooo.
Haba Stella?
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Abamade12 March 2017 at 14:04
Couldn't open IHG yesterday, so lemme try today.

We have this lady that brings Long rich products for us to buy. So on that day she came with supplements and panty liner, I bought some and while we were discussing, my boss came out, he inquired what she brought and she told him, my boss was like that panty liner is for women nah not men, as a smart marketer the girl started preaching to my Oga that men use panty liner as well that it helps prevent prostrate cancer, immediately my boss heard prostrate cancer, he got interested ever since his friend was diagnosed of it and had being battling with the disease, my boss has been scared of it. That was how he bought two packs from the girl. Now on how to use it, she gave him two options one was to use rubber band, attach the panty liner to his kini before wearing his boxer or two add two of the panty liner to a litre of water and take twice a day. My ogs weighed his options and decided to go for number two. First thing in the morning he"ll say "let me take my medicine". With the way he was religiously taking the stuff I couldn't bring myself to tell he that all nah wash. I"ll ask him "sir how does it taste?" and he will reply "tasteless", me i"ll just be holding laugh. He was on the second bottle when the girl came back for follow up, turned out he did not even follow her instructions well, he didn't remove that strip to reveal the green part that was supposed to do the magic. That was how my Oga declared "omg I've been drinking women pad water!". You need to see his face, all the laugh i've been holding since came out, even the girl could not hold her own. He kuku dash me the remaining panty liner. Hope you laugh small, cos the s**t was funny
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 14:11
Stella, I think very soon the fun of IHG will be shattered and no one might actually want to come out and participate, if the people in charge keep throwing people's efforts in the trash bin, then coming up every week to say there was no winner or a potential winner had just few votes.

For the fun to keep rolling, you have to talk to them(those in charge) to put sentiments aside before carrying out their duties so as to do so with opened mind...
If they themselves get rewarded, then they shouldn't stand in the way of someone else's blessing(s).

Finally, since winners are picked by the total number of positive reply or reaction one gets, and after the rules have been considered, the majority rule should set in.

Thanks.
(just a suggestion)
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 14:14
Interesting
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Beloved #CHIVIDO 202012 March 2017 at 14:16
*side eyes @chike Telflon and Mr skin
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IsaacBABA ✌��12 March 2017 at 14:22
So of recent I saw my former hostel mate who reminded me of a funny gist that happened then in my hostel as at 100 level

We had this calabar gateman effiong,he was very strict but jovial and once you stepped on his toes or go against the rules of the hostel be prepared for him,because he will set you up and call the police and you will be arrested lol

So some new boys came to the hostel to rent a flat,3 yahoo boys who were balling,on thier first week they were hosting party upon party and making noise everywhere...effiong went to them to tell them its not allowed but dis boys shunned him,the next morning very early police was in the hostel and they said they heard some cultist did initiation party and were smoking weed,before you know they searched around thief room and at thief backyard two cutlass was found and some weed...this guys were shocked and whisked away...we all knew who was responsible for it but we all kept quiet...

After 2 days they came out of cell and swore it was on between them and effiong...so we were all anticipating serious war...effiong bathroom is outside his gateman house,so one morning he was about to go and bath and left his water outside then went inside his room to do God knows what,this boys put something in his water...the next thing inside bathroom now screams we dey hear,effiong ran outside naked scratching his body vigorously,shouting abasi abasi...hostellers tried to calm him but for where,dude kept rolling on the floor and crying his entire body were filled with spots..felt bad for him but effiong knew who was responsible but had no proof,so we were anticipating his revenge but for weeks he was just cool and we thought he accepted defeat,only for us to hear one night that the g boys gen had been knocked...we went to the gen room and found out that someone poured enough salt inside the gen,they were crying saying who do this thing go die..effiong was shouting amen ooo,any prayer we talk he go shout d loudest amen...the next morning he was shouting that someone should borrow him salt to cook ooo that his salt has finished lol

We begin broker peace between them,because the hostel was now a war zone them both say we hear,

Went for lectures,only to return to meet those boys partying and sharing drinks with fried rice and chicken,so the entire hostel was in a joyful mood,thinking maga has paid them big...the most shocking part was that the biggest of chicken was served and taken to effiong as a sign of peace..he prayed for them and was happy,we all were happy that peace at last....only for us to hear shout in the night that our gateman effiong fowl cage at the back has been ransacked and the 5 fowl gone...effiong ran to the backyard of the boys and opened their dust bin to see all the feathers of the fowl inside...he begin cry...the next day landlord come give the boys quit notice ooo lol

#original
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 14:28
When I think about it now its funny but it wasn't funny den o, ok so last year, I bought some lace materials and my tailor helped me make dem, in my mind i was going to village to do shakara, 1st of January, we went to church, i wore dis beautiful wite lace with gele n make up to go with it, when i enter church i dey feel fly, everyone was staring and i felt like d finest woman in d village only for my mum to tap me n say, nne ur naked o, Ha! Naked ke? My cloth no tear na, i look round, low n behold, purple laced pant was showing, how come? But i wore under skirt na, it appeared dat d under skirt was made of very transparent material and both d pant and d fact it was lace was showing, i wan cry, dey say loose gele n tie on my waist, loose my fine gele ke? Na so i think, think, i just go one corner for church remove d pant and waka enter like say i no do anything, continue my fashion. Till today, my mum still says i go church go comot pant. Lol
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miss Aboki the great12 March 2017 at 14:33
In my secondary school day, a certain senior wrote a love letter to my friend. All this 'i picked my pen from the basket of love kinda letters' and ended it by saying he couldnt wait to give her a peck as a sign of his love. My friend said she liked the guy but doesnt know if she should accept the peck. Me i didnt know what a peck was as at then and i disnt want to fall my hand either so i told her not to collect it so he wouldnt think she was a cheap girl. Torr, some days late, she came back almost crying that the guy and his friends laughed at her when she told him she didnt want the peck. She told the guy that she likes him but didnt want to collect the peck because her father is rich enough to afford as many pecks as she wanted. I sha consoled her and asked her to forget the guy. We almost choked with laughter the day we found out that a peck was merely a kiss on the chick.
#Original
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Lady Bug💥12 March 2017 at 14:43
In the 90s, my grandma would send me to the bus
stop to buy newspapers for her to wrap Akara for her
clientele and sometimes to keep up with the current
happenings in the country. I am sure we all remember
the newspaper man with his horn and bunch of
newspapers slouched over his arm as he moved from
street to street alerting people with the sound of his
horn...Papun! Papun!. If by any chance I missed this
Man, I go need waka go bus stop to buy the days copy
of the news.
At the newspaper stand, you would find the young, the
political correct, Awon igi iwe!, the grammarian, and
there's always an old man at the corner who knows
about history and won't hesitate to back up his claim
with references..Awon baba to gidi gan!. I go just stand
dere dey look people mouth, with my half penned
pencil and my jotter...I dey write anything, any
grammer wey twist my tongue, I go write am down as
I hear am.. It was always an experience for me.
The news was published devoid of bias and
sentiments. Investigative journalism was the norm
then and the public relied on the journalist for the
truth!..I remember sitting in the front of our yellow
black and white boxed TV for the NTA news at 9, while
the likes of Frank Oliseh, Cyril stober, One on One with
Adesuwa on 1pm Mon-Fri...I watched as the dished the
news with eloquent manner. These were the very
informative news platforms I listened to while growing
up....These days things ti change gan!..last time i tried
to watch Nta news, it was messed up...Only accurate
news we got diz days is Bobrisky and his is smug head
Bae!..Gifty and her fake ass life.....
Where is the News????.....
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Honey12 March 2017 at 14:51
In my compound, there are many tenants and it is a face me I face you house. Our bathroom and toilet is located at the back of the building and people always queue in the morning to take their bath. You will put your bucket in front of you on the queue and when it is your turn you go in and bath. There is this Big Girl who lives in room and parlour, the rest of us live in one room, she dresses well and uses Iphone. She snubs most of the neighbours when we greet her. One morning, we were on the queue waiting for her to come out of the bathroom, lo and behold, aunty Big Girl came out wearing torn panties on her head. The pant was full of holes and the colour washed out. Immediately we all bursted into serious laughter. She didn't know why we were laughing as she was eyeing us while going inside the house. Haahahahahahahahaha. Throughout that day she did not come outside. You know she will look in the mirror and see the cap on her head. Hahahahaha
Original o.
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#Pepperdemgang#12 March 2017 at 14:55
Abegi ....i tire to type
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Istanbul12 March 2017 at 15:00
Stella I don't know the civil defends in my area was on my case last night o, though not my fault, I eat akara to bed yesterday not really wat my body love to eat but what I could afford so before 8pm I started having this costimation signs,I started taking lots of water so it will soften my bowel but to no avail so I slept off, belle no kuku sweet me that yesterday even to the morning so I went to bed on time. so at night I was polluting the air like there is no tomorrow and this gasing sound was different from every other type,it was making a lot of noise,some of it sounds like a gun shot,sometimes it sounds like its raining only in my room,it also sounds like a fuckniers pumping tier fluhoinkkk lol and we've not had light for weeks were I live so everywhere was so quite and I was like still enjoying the casing,it seems like it was relieving some air out of my stomach that was very tight,little did I know some of the civil defends had be standing close to my wisdom to observe if all was well, according to them, they left and checked back again round and they said they heard same sound again over and over again, only for them to hit my window I quickly woke up and switched off my phone light that has be on thinking it was criminals, later I heard its we civil defends..
Civil defends: hope you are okay
Me: yes I am
Civil defends: Are you sure?
Me: yes I am,hope no problem
Civil defends: no pls lock ur windows properly
It was this morning I was hearing to church, I met the leader of the civil defenders who told me I was changing jar all through the night, saying E be like say you eat something wen they organize our room last night because the man its this type that talks scaratically, my bvs shame carry me,I just smell and said oga am late we would talk when I return. That was my little exprecience yesternight. I hope have brought laughter out of someone with my little write up. Not easy composing o, Stella I raise Beyonce hand for you. Beloved and Droll I hope I qualify.
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Oluwadarasimi™12 March 2017 at 15:03
When I was in school, a serious crises happened between student's and the indigenes. It was so serious that indigenes were killing student's. They barricaded all the motor parks, so we were stranded in school. That night in my hostel fear had eaten deep into our hearts, we started calling our various homes and were crying to narrate our ordeal. No one could close eye that night. Every where was so quiet and cold. The next day, a guy who graduated from the school but came on a visit to see his girlfriend, told us he had a way out for us, which was a secret forest, but we had to be quiet so as not to alert the indigenes and switch off our phones to avoid being caught. That was how our 'ultimate search walk' began, everyone was jittering with fear, uncertainty and worry. He led the way, It was a long journey, after walking some distance, suddenly we sighted some indigenes with guns. We were confused, to breathe self was war, it felt they would hear us. We started to tip toe. At last we got out at a junction and saw some men with bikes coming our direction, everyone dispersed with usain bolt speed. I was alone panting for air when I heard you people should come out, 'we came to help' no one responded to the call, they were there for about 15 minutes trying to convince us they weren't there to kill us. "Who one die?" Later the guy that led us summoned courage to challenge them. After a long talk, he told us to come out from our hiding places. After we did, the guy told us they really wanted to help us, so we should pair ourselves and take the bikes in two's. Then the struggle began, who goes first. No one wanted to stay back. So he said, ladies first. That was how I happily got on the first bike with two other lady's. Waved the other's goodbye, all smiles. We just moved a bit, the bike just threw us all down, the other's just bursted into serious laugh, i couldn't hold it in anymore. I started crying. They came to meet us, to ask what happened, we sustained minor injury, the man apologised that his bike had issues but he wanted to manage it because he had no money for the repair. We had to wait with them till another bike came.
Original
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#Pepperdemgang#12 March 2017 at 15:09
This one still cracks me up...

This happened when I was small maybe 5 or 6 years old. I grew up in a small middle class family. I was seeing a jacuzzi for the first time in my life. I saw it on TV and wondered how great it must be to lie down and take bath. Over a couple of months, owing to my curiosity and interest i had started noticing jacuzzi or bathtub in a lot of channels,nd movies....
I said to myself,I Av to experience it...

Na so, one day when i was taking my bath,i just had an idea ..could a bucket be big enough to be called a bathtub!? I happily filled the bucket with water , melted out a full Soap bar to make bubbles and sat in it. I did not realize that the bucket was too small until my ass and my tiny arms were stuck in it..my feet still dangling outside on the edge of the bucket..chaii

The fact that I had filled the bucket with soap water made it worse. The surface was too slippery to hold the edges and stand up. I tried moving the bucket with all my might like a turtle who struggles on his shell to topple..(but for whr) Still did not work.I was scared and ashamed to call for help. I just sat in the bucket(for whr I kwn gree come out)

My mom got worried that I did not come out of the bathroom over 40 mins. Those days she wouldnt allow me to lock the door of any room knowing the things I was capable of doing. So luckily she just had to open the bathroom door and peeped inside... And she burst out laughing 😆....

She told my story to everyone in my family. For almost a month, my elder brothers and sisters(i be last born)would knock on the bathroom door and ask " your highness, hope you are having a relaxing bath in your majestic tub".

Hahahahahahs.... Hope I go win o
Shine teeth*

Original
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jelly12 March 2017 at 15:26
This teeth scaring oo
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Stella Melody12 March 2017 at 15:34
Name: Stella ig
Sex : female
Age : Ask google
Nationality : Nigerian.
current job:special adviser to Bihari on food matters
hobbies: reading novel,sleeping on SDK, playing basketball, playing video games,collecting tiger's teeth, catching bullet with bare hands,Jogging up & down mount everest....
My Record: fought with an elephant and broke its neck...skinned a crocodile...alive! played Russian roulette with full clips & still survived,killed Superman, held my breathe under water for 2 months,3 weeks, 6hrs, 51mins, 45seconds,featured in Beyonce music video
Greatest Achievements: surfed on hot lava while d volcano was still erupting, Outran a cheetah, fluent in 10,598 languages, 1st African to land on the sun, Carried the pyramid of giza for 2days straight!
Silly thing done: Surfing on a tsunami.
Embarrassing Moment: I couldn't kill 100 bears with a single punch only 99 died instantly and the 1 that was left died 2hrs later.
Proudest Moments: when a cobra died after biting me,when i saved the planet by diverting an asteroid with just a kick.
Something about Me: Even though i am His Royal Highness and i have done all this,i really don't like to show off.
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 15:38
I remembered an incident dat happened last week, mum had been disturbing me to bring a spouse home but wasn't sure who to pick, cos i have two men on my neck, so i was on WhatsApp gisting with the two men. The first guy was gisting me while d 2nd guy asked me what i hated abt him, and he told me not to lie. As i was enjoying d 1st guy gist on WhatsApp, d 2nd guy chat pop up with d questions "what do u hate abt me" . So i tot i had clicked on d 2nd guy chat to answer his question. Mean while d devil was there smiling at me. I answered "sometimes ur mouth smell and you are stingy" then i click send only for me to realised av sent d message to d wrong person. I was so angry dat i deleted it but was to late. Have been sending love message to him just to clean my error. Original
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St.FranKooL....12 March 2017 at 15:50
#When nails grow long, we cut the nails not fingers. Similarity when misunderstanding grows, cut the ego, not your relationship*
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 15:54
WHAT WILL U DO? BE SINCERE.

A police officer stopped you, entered your car and demanded for your papers and after perusing, he said oga!
your papers don expire. You begged him but he won't let you go and after wasting an hour of your time, he
insist you must settle with 2500. You paid and he alighted from your car. You zoomed off in anger and just about 2
minutes drive from the scene, a phone rang in your car "Samsung galaxy 5".
You picked, behold na D policeman.
"Oga sori wen I sit don for inside your car, I forget my phone. Na me, the police man wey arrest you just now.
Abeg help me return am". What will be your response and reaction????
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 16:30
This comment has been removed by the author.
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 16:30
This comment has been removed by the author.
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 16:39
This comment has been removed by the author.
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 16:43
On my way home few weeks ago. I entered a bus going to Igwruta from Rumuokoro. I sat beside one cute polish bobo, i noticed that this guy was staring at me from my side view.. As a cute babe that I is now, i say let me form small...
I tried calling my room mate but she no dey gree pick ( bad belle), so i decided to call my mother, forgetting that my two younger siblings has this annoying habit of shouting over the phone during our discussion. Mumsy don tire to stop them, so she allow them sha.. Its kinda funny and my roomie likes it... she ll be like " Babe call mumsy na, i dey bored make i laugh abeg.
So i called mumsy and while exchanging pleasantries, i was hearing their voices.. chai! dis children go fall my hand! And my phone was on loudspeaker cos i couldnt hear her well..
The next thing i heaard was;
Aunty Ganiyat! Helooooo! Heloo! Aunty Ganiyat!"
How are you?.helooooo!"
Ebami ra bisiciti bo o"(buy buscuit for me)
Aunty.Ganiyat! Aisha na mi!( Aisha beat me)"
Ironi o owu lokoko nami ( she is lying o, she beat me first)"
(Loud scream) bami mu phonu ( give me the phone)"
Before my mother now shouted at them to keep shut " Egbe enu yin soun ejen gboran"
It was so loud that everybody in the car started laughing.. I was embarrassed ehn
Anyway we exchanged contacts sha #winks#
#original#
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 17:36
Make I hamma una true story. The worst thing way fit do a guy na say make u go chyke babe and u no get bedroom action.

As a bad boy dat I is when I been dey school e come get wan girl way I want make me and am do like dat but she just dey post me. One night like so I come get d opportunity to crash for her room. Meanwhile my boys Dem dey share d same lodge wit her and na wall separate Dem.

So my people, night don come na we come dey talk, na so we talk reach if she like head or not. I kid u guys not, babe no knw Wetin be head o. So, me being Samaritan na I volunteer to show her. Omo, see as human been dey shake all over. By d time way I finish she don come like 2 times. Not to lie.

Because d tin sweet her well well na she say make I do d real do. Come see as she dey say, agu agu, meaning tiger for igbo. By the way I hear my friend footfalls for window because some guys dey go spend night for woman room playing lido then in d morning Dem go come tell u say, yeah dude, I b****ed her six ways from Sunday! I guess him want life proof.

But not to all these things make me send dis gist o. In d morning ma him lafan come tell me say him last guy no get sick. I shout say babe u can exagurate o. She so no say she mean am say d guy d**k big like d pinky on my hand.

Me still no wan believe I come say, maybe na so e be when e never wake up, d winch girl say whosai. Say na when e stand na him she dey talk.

But una knw why d tin pain me most. I knw d guy. Everytime way I see am after dat do, I dey almost tell am say guy Abeg pull down Ya pants, I wan confirm something. Imagine say na me be d guy. Some chicks na better evil dead o.
ORIGINAL.
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Phenomenal woman12 March 2017 at 18:54
This happened years back and each time I remember the scenario, I can't stop laughing.
There's this little boy about 10 years old that stayed with his elder brother . The boy would run small errands for the him and also do some domestic work around the house. Smart and lovely kid.
So on this particular day, his brother came home with a friend (male) and the boy was saddled with the responsibility of making garri and warming the soup for the brother and the friend to eat. Apparently his friend was so hungry. So they started eating and as usual brother would always remain a little portion of the food for the small boy to eat na since he was the one always washing the plate After he finishes eating.
But that day was different. His brother ate and left while his friend kept swallowing large bolls of eba. Chai, the small boy sat there watching hungrily anticipating that brother's friend just like him would remain just a little portion for him to eat and wash the plate eventually. But No the boy sat and watched with tears in his eyes how this man was about to eat all the eba and lick all the soup without remaining for him. Suddenly he started crying and saying that this brothers friend is not nice as brother, brother had finished eating and you are still swallowing and licking everything till you see made in China , I hope you will be the one to wash the plates when you are done. The guy sef begin dey laugh o as it was so funny. #mybrainchild #
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Unknown12 March 2017 at 18:58
I was coming back from home-cell last week Tuesday, my stomach was just doing gbulu-gbulu ( I ate beans before home-cell).
So, after holding back the pressure during the home-cell, I decided to release this bomb on my way back.
I did not even know oga fine man home-cell leader was behind me trying to call my attention to my baby's cap that fell.
After I released this mess, oga fine man tapped me and said "God bless u sister, your baby's cap fell, take. The Lord is ur strenght iya, wetin u chop?"
Omoh! E no go better for my enemies. We became close after dat day sha...
Original ooooo!
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Anonymous12 March 2017 at 20:26
U no see ur name? Yeye tin
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Anonymous13 March 2017 at 02:44
Effiong ooo, highness in her bath tub and aunty wey chop beans .....Haahhahahaha
Ada, did your boss really soak panty liner? Found it hard to believe but if it happened then it's epic.
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Sunday, March 12, 2017

Sunday Gists..HUH?

114 comments: