Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Saturday In House Gists

Any Jokes that stand out?REAL or Make -a-believe?

Oya post and lets see how it goes.....

Today we are not doing anything like winning gist....If Droyalty or Beloved the gist collators recommend that any gist is the best;I will look into it and see if it deserves 'SOMETHING'.

Lets go!

80 comments:

Olawealth Ui/Ux Mobile App & Website Designer +2347037210981 #AvailableForGigs25 March 2017 at 14:00
When i was in 100 level. There was a night i had nothing on me, I was very broke that I could not eat that night, so hungry. All my roomies had nothing on them. How will I do it? There is something that happens to me when I am very hungry. My abdomen will start to pain me to the extent that I won't be able to stand straight, asif my stomach wants to cut. The thing go just hook me there. The pain normally lasts for 20-25minutes.

My lodge mate saw me and took pity. He gave me spaghetti to cook that night. Fiam, I don on gas, put palm oil inside pot with water, pour spag. After like 5mins, I off gas ooo😀, carry pot outside lodge, after 1min, spag don finish. Belle don come down. That was like 11pm ooooo. I thanked bros who refused to let me die. As we were gisting, I received an ALERT ALERT. Wema bank sent #27,000 to my account.🙌 Asif they heard I was hungry😂😂.
I thought it was a lie, I didn't tell anyone to send me money, I was surprised ooo. I couldn't sleep well that night. 6am I was in front of the ATM!!!! PLEASE IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES WHAT WILL YOU DO? 😔😔😔😔

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Miss Ess25 March 2017 at 14:01
Waiting to laugh my sorrows out
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 14:02
Who has such precious time to waste when you don't gift anything out when one wins.
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 14:10
All this female friends inviting me to join fin, is it by force? I am not interested biko. Fin just flooding my timeline, passed much, mtcheewww.
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_-'Rowland'-_25 March 2017 at 14:14
Story Story..... Once Upon a Time....

I was in Church when My cousin called me and said Uniben has released admission list. Immediately I dashed off to a nearby cybercafe and found out my name was on the list.
Due to late registration I couldn't log in to get a hostel space so I bought a space in Hall 4(Those of you who must have schooled in Uniben would know Hall 4 hostel is synonymous to Beans Hostel) I moved in like a King and my corner was off the hook. I even had a ceiling fan and my cupboard was loaded with so much goodies.

That faithful Friday my elder sister called me and asked me to come help her with chores in her house, on arrival at main gate I saw this fine girl, I walked up to her , We got talking and as a Lagos Boy that I are we exchanged numbers. Truths be told I lied to her that I was in Engineering 300 Level while she was in 200Level Law.
After several phone calls and Midnight calls we became close, and in no time we were dating. We made arrangement for us to see on a Friday at her place since I was staying in the hostel and it won't be appropriate for her to come visit me in the hostel so I agreed to go over to her place.

That Friday I had an early class and I needed to finish a course outline in the library then leave for my new Bae's house. Before I left for class that morning I ate Moi-Moi and Pap which I bought at a restaurant at June 12. When I got back from class that morning my roommate was cooking beans, with my Ojukokoro eyes wey I get I follow chop. Afterwards like 3hours later I headed to my Bae hostel at BDPA. when I got there she prepared bolognese(Na Ajebo she be) and coke to step down with.
Mehn Stella I ate to my satisfaction. 30 minutes later We started making out with the AC on yet I was sweating like a Christmas goat. That was when my stomach gave it's first rumble. It was like Sean Michael's and Yokozuna having a Royal Rumble in my stomach. Mehn I couldn't take it no more that I just begged her if I could use her restroom. On getting into the toilet, immediately I sat down I tried my best to tone the sound of my dung from sounding like an earthquake but couldn't, in fact each drop seemed like Japan testing it's Nuclear weapon. Within 2mins everywhere was smelling. She even had to open the door. And windows so she doesn't choke on my super dung. The worst part was that what came out of my behind was something that will take me a month to do and any attempt at flushing it will result to the whole dung almost pouring on the floor but I sha managed to flush it.

Mehn at this point I jejely walked into her room didn't see her, carried my bag and headed to the exit where I saw she and her neighbors talking. Everyone in the compound were outside because what I did in her toilet had put the compound in a turmoil. With my head down I walked out of her lodge in shame. Got to the room told my roommate's and they laughed at me.
Sorry for the lengthy story. #Original

Rowland Dominic
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Stella Melody25 March 2017 at 14:14
A man sent a message to his wife
1st....... Honey please wash those clothes I brought out of d wardrobe ....no reply
2nd....... And pls cook my favorite soup so I can eat coz am damn hungry.... she didn't reply
3rd......... And darling I was promoted and I am coming back with d new car I bought 4 u...
Wife:.. Are u Serious????????
Husband...... No I wanted to be sure u got all the previous messages!
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_-'Rowland'-_25 March 2017 at 14:29
This comment has been removed by the author.
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IsaacBABA ✌��25 March 2017 at 14:32
So of recent I was in the bank in a long queue.... And most people we're sitting but not after booking their position in the line, if you feel you are smart and want to skip the queue by going to the front based on whatever reason everybody will start attacking you with insults and saying dem nor go agree or make the cashiers nor even think am..... One fine yellow lady came and was showing ID card na so dem say who she epp nd even if she be buhari PA nothing go sup.... Na so we dey progress small small for queue most people go outside bank go eat and do whatever... Me I sit down they go through post they read na so one soldier just step out from one office inside the bank just boycott the whole line.... Nobody say peeem, all of a sudden two guys when dey back of the line but nor see the soldier but feel the line dey push go back begin shout 'WHAT NONSENSE IS THIS.. 'SHEBI THEM NOR DEY HEAR SAY NOBODY SHOULD CUT THE LINE OR CHANCE ANYBODY'

If you see the puzzled looks on everyone's face because we all know say dem two nor know who dem dey talk to.. Na so as we dey try shush them the soldier just step out from the Line say who are you referring to.... Na once this two guys face change instantly and begin tremble na so one put two hand on top head ...the other begin rub he two Pam's together to signify abeg and with the AC dem begin sweat sef.... The soldier call them say don't you know where you are? Are you both mad... Dem begin say dem nor know say abeg officer forgive us our sins we nor go try am again we dey foolish.... We all chirped in with please sir forgive them.. He said they are lucky say if not today them for learn respect... He finished and left.... The two guys we're just quiet and not responding to questions we we're asking them like una two get better luck.... Both just dey look like zombie.... Even when other people try play smart and we we're attacking them this two guys nor talk at all lol
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Unknown25 March 2017 at 14:35
Yesterday Vigil at mum church was the worst vigil i have ever attend. I was jejely watching tv and munching my dinner with mum and my sister. Suddenly mum pleaded with me to follow her. At first i felt reluctant, but based on LOGISTIC say mother day is coming soon and i have nothing to buy for her due to CHANGE era we dey. I agreed and told her my condition.
We got to the church around 9:30pm, we had an hour and some minutes to rest.
Exactly 11:30 pm the vigil started with hot prayer points only for me to start feeling uneasy.
I realised i needed to visit the toilet.
The Church toilet was a little bit far and scary. Lo and behold i took boldness and rushed down to the toilet. I checked around to see if anyone was around, so i saw dat the coast was clear. So i got down to poo. the male and female toilet was separated by a wall and a hole at d top. As i was pooing i had a feeling dat sometin was wrong but i tot to myself dat everything was fine. As i was pooing a loud mess sounded and it smells and i heard a voice from d male toilet. Immediately i looked Into d hole at d top of the toilet only to see a guy peeing. I rushed out without wearing my pa** and shouted thief. It was when i saw some guys running from d church towards i realised i was still having my pant down. Mum told me dat ever since my story don become prayer point. The prayer point is dis (every enemies monitoring ur children should die by fire). Nigeria churches no go kill me. #Original.

Bv Olaide Ogunmola
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marriedchick25 March 2017 at 14:39
Gobe is when you are in a very serious fight with your fiance/fiancee of 2years and facebook decides to make a video of you and your Ex celebrating 5years of friendship.
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 14:50
Please did anyone watch channels tv this morning about a guy that has kidney problem. Pls donate if u can. God bless.
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 15:10
Stella I hear That oshiomole wife left... oya investigate
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xixteen25 March 2017 at 15:39
Yipee, tomorrow is my birthday... Happy birthday to muah.
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 15:55
The first time I went to Germany with Krix. I wore the Akpola winter shoe I bought from Yaba. I notice almost all the Oyibo was wearing canvass and flat shoes. I asked Krix, why they were are all putting on flat shoes, he said you will soon find out.
Omo when we heard the sound of train, see race. Everybody started running. See me and Akpola. I couldn't walk fast not to talk of running. I wanted to remove the Akpola and run without minding the snow. But Krix refused we ended up missing the train and waiting in the cold for another train. Thank you for making me a big girl.

Frau Juliet
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 16:35
to hell with you and your fucking gift.i thot u said u will stop it ihg. broke stingy fugly somebody... its u im refering to stella
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 16:36
My bother in-law went for an interview at Gbagada and he lives at akute in Ogun state o..when he got to Gbagada he went inside a mosque to pray,when he was through he went outside for his shoes but he got the shock of his life!alas!he was unable to found it(awon Omo oro have packed it)and he was only with transport fare...He was unable to attend the interview and he also lost his shoe because he came home bare footed...I felt pity for him... Original..
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 16:38
i dnt blame u i blame dose who com and post gist 4 u to gift dem.hungry people
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Unknown25 March 2017 at 16:50
I was in 200level then at the university when this gist happened. One night I was in my room when myself and my roomie heard knocks on the door, we checked the time it was already past midnight. Me being the fearless asked who is that? The reply came with sobs it's me benji. Benji a student too lives in our hall. What happened? Why are you crying? I asked. He begged please open the door. I then opened and he came in crying I'm seriously itching...itching bawo? Where are you itching? He pointed to his private areas. He then narrated that his roomie had always abuse him of being busy and he then decided to shave off that night. After shaving he then went to sleep and later he started itching. He told his roomie of his situation and he advised him to light up a candle and drop melted wax on the shaved area. At that moment I shouted HA!!!! Iwo na wa se be. He said yes that he is pains. Myself and roomie laughed hard. We then asked him if he showered after shaving. He replied No.we then tutor him on having bath and applying calm white powder after done.He went to have his bath but had to apply Palm oil due to burns from the wax candle. It's been 12years Now Benji is married with a child but the incident is evergreen. Whenever we get together we yab him of the incident. This is original.
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 16:56
When I was in Uni, I was a recluse. I always longed to socialise with my coursemates, but I couldn't because I had a condition I was ashamed of. I was an above average student, but few people knew this because I kept it a well-guarded secret. Anytime our CGPA was pasted at the beginning of a new semester, I'd hurriedly go and erase my name and my CGPA. The supposed good students in my class do organize tutorials at the behest of other students, and I didn't want to be a part of it.
Not that I didn't want others to learn from the little I knew. It was because I didn't want to put myself in an awkward situation; I was in my final year and all I wanted was a drama-free session.
Now, I had three friends and they knew about my condition but two of them didn't make me feel bad about it. The third one hated and secretly envied me. Part 4, 2nd Semester started and we wrote the test of one tough course. A week later, the lecturer pasted the result and I had the overall best result. The second best didn't even come close. I travelled during that time, and when I got back, everybody had already known that I was the one. They said they never knew that I was good. When my friends told them I was the one leading the class and not Obed(Not his real name), they were all amazed.

They wanted to know what made me tick. They wanted me to tutor them. I couldn't! Not because I didn't want to. I couldn't because I had a stutter and I didn't want to embarrass myself.
From an early age, I was teased by friends and members of my family and made to feel ashamed because I stutter, and I grew up with a dented self-esteem and a terrible inferiority complex. I never spoke in public. Even when I was sent on errands, I would write the message on a piece of paper, write the sender's name as well as the recipient's and deliver the message after I must have struggled( jerked my head, swang my hands, stomped my foot) to say a word of greeting Lolzzzz. I knew a lot of people who stuttered freely and I wished I could do so without an iota of shame.
Everybody knew I was good and they started begging my friends to convince me to tutor them since I'm not readily accessible to everyone; I always kept a low profile. That my friend, the one that secretly hates me, told a lady that he would convince me to tutor her. His aim was to embarass me. After begging and pleading, I let go of my reservations and agreed. I thought it would just be three of us; I was dead wrong. My friend invited a couple of other people to come and laugh. When I went to the hall, I saw a lot of people and I felt nervous and began to fidget. I couldn't say no. I started to teach them and boy, I began to stutter. My friend and his other friends started to giggle. I said a few sentences and stuttered badly. Everybody stared in disbelief. They didn't know I stutter. I said a silent prayer: LORD, I don't expect you to take away this speech impediment today, but please, loosen my tongue a little and save me from this embarrassment. Then, I said a few sentences and stuttered a little. All of a sudden, something snapped out of me and I lost my inhibition and began to teach. I enunciated my words correctly and taught them marvellously well. I stuttered though, but it was not as bad as when I started to teach. In fact, I could count the number of times I stuttered; to show you how less I stuttered.
My fake friend couldn't believe his eyes and his ears. He wanted me to stutter like I used to, and embarrass myself big time, but at the end of it all, he was disappointed. After the tutorial, my coursemates added two appellations to my name: Prof and Guru.. From that day, I earned their respect and admiration. That eccentric quiet guy became known as "that intelligent guy we didn't know about until we got to Part 4". I remember everything like it was yesterday. I still stutter though.

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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 17:33
When I was in Uni, I was a recluse. I always longed to socialise with my coursemates, but I couldn't because I had a condition I was ashamed of. I was an above average student, but few people knew this because I kept it a well-guarded secret. Anytime our CGPA was pasted at the beginning of a new semester, I'd hurriedly go and erase my name and my CGPA. The supposed good students in my class do organize tutorials at the behest of other students, and I didn't want to be a part of it.
Not that I didn't want others to learn from the little I knew. It was because I didn't want to put myself in an awkward situation; I was in my final year and all I wanted was a drama-free session.
Now, I had three friends and they knew about my condition but two of them didn't make me feel bad about it. The third one hated and secretly envied me. Part 4, 2nd Semester started and we wrote the test of one tough course. A week later, the lecturer pasted the result and I had the overall best result. The second best didn't even come close. I travelled during that time, and when I got back, everybody had already known that I was the one. They said they never knew that I was good. When my friends told them I was the one leading the class and not Obed(Not his real name), they were all amazed.

They wanted to know what made me tick. They wanted me to tutor them. I couldn't! Not because I didn't want to. I couldn't because I had a stutter and I didn't want to embarrass myself.
From an early age, I was teased by friends and members of my family and made to feel ashamed because I stutter, and I grew up with a dented self-esteem and a terrible inferiority complex. I never spoke in public. Even when I was sent on errands, I would write the message on a piece of paper, write the sender's name as well as the recipient's and deliver the message after I must have struggled( jerked my head, swang my hands, stomped my foot) to say a word of greeting Lolzzzz. I knew a lot of people who stuttered freely and I wished I could do so without an iota of shame.
Everybody knew I was good and they started begging my friends to convince me to tutor them since I'm not readily accessible to everyone; I always kept a low profile. That my friend, the one that secretly hates me, told a lady that he would convince me to tutor her. His aim was to embarass me. After begging and pleading, I let go of my reservations and agreed. I thought it would just be three of us; I was dead wrong. My friend invited a couple of other people to come and laugh. When I went to the hall, I saw a lot of people and I felt nervous and began to fidget. I couldn't say no. I started to teach them and boy, I began to stutter. My friend and his other friends started to giggle. I said a few sentences and stuttered badly. Everybody stared in disbelief. They didn't know I stutter. I said a silent prayer: LORD, I don't expect you to take away this speech impediment today, but please, loosen my tongue a little and save me from this embarrassment. Then, I said a few sentences and stuttered a little. All of a sudden, something snapped out of me and I lost my inhibition and began to teach. I enunciated my words correctly and taught them marvellously well. I stuttered though, but it was not as bad as when I started to teach. In fact, I could count the number of times I stuttered; to show you how less I stuttered.
My fake friend couldn't believe his eyes and his ears. He wanted me to stutter like I used to, and embarrass myself big time, but at the end of it all, he was disappointed. After the tutorial, my coursemates added two appellations to my name: Prof and Guru.. From that day, I earned their respect and admiration. That eccentric quiet guy became known as "that intelligent guy we didn't know about until we got to Part 4". I remember everything like it was yesterday. I still stutter though.

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Cici25 March 2017 at 17:51
A male friend came to visit me at my family house on a weekend, my parents were still home so I asked that we take a walk to d nearby eatery under d hot sun he didn't have a car. We got there it was crowded but we secured a sit and we didn't buy anytyn. A couple who didn't find an empty space sat opposite us y'all knw Hw they sit in sweet sensation and all I was feeling embarrassed so I asked that we leave but he refused; that was Hw one of the security men tapped us to ask if we packed any green keke outside dat a car needed to park at dat spot... I Jst wish I cld erase dat day��
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crown4nike25 March 2017 at 18:21
So I was making my hair with this woman that also sells cloth,a friend of her(hajia)came and this my hairdresser started reporting a customer of hers who is allegedly a friend to this hajia,that her friend bought cloth from her on credit for over 3months and yet,ahe refused to pay. My hairdresser said she should tell her it's not fair since she's also a businesswoman bla bla bla like that. Hajia now decided go call that her friend in our presence o,put call on loudspeaker and the following conversation occurred.
Hajia: friend,why have you not paid this hairdresser lady in the market her money,she's really complaining o and she even said you are not picking her calls

Friend:Don't mind that yeye woman,she should give herself peace,how much clothes sef is she talking about?? Abeg,next time you see her,tell her I traveled,She no get shame at all,make she come carry her thing, Na she go lose,not me...

My dear people,all these talks for loudspeaker,if not that this my hairdresser was a matured woman, she didn't want to implicate her hajia friend,she would have called the woman.. The friend now called my hairdresser later,and started giving excuse not knowing she overheard all her abuses,the hairdresser just told her that,madam,you are bad woman. Goodbye

I laugh that day ehn!!Just a story to learn,always be mindful of your word when speaking on phone
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yadnus25 March 2017 at 20:46
This reminds me of my encounter with an
alien ..,. I was just six and had gone to pluck
unripe cashew near the burial ground in the
town, which i will burn to bring nut so that i will
eat with garri at home ,,,
I was still plucking when this great white light
shone on me... I tried to move but i could not... I
tried lifting my hands, no.,., legs ..,., no too.... Ok
suddenly wind started blowing and thunder and
lightning struck three times as i counted it... I
was terribly frightened as i couldnt run and i
started singing prayer is the master key
suddenly a frog like creature jumped and licked
its lips...
I could see like six of them coming from every
direction.
' sekum kauen dkahs hakksk ah ' one of them
say...
Gaj sjagd aja dudu " ... La joystick akaja la
swerta do yoghiti uhun a nurise ' the other
replied and they all laughed...
All this while i was screaming and shouting for
help around 7pm in the night..
Maka yaka potato la chop humane intestinee.....
The 6 or 7 creatures just shouted together as
claws sprung from their hand and they dripped
saliva as they approached me....
Maka lickaa la foode........ Humanle a sweera
pon bloddka kakkakka...
I screamed jesus ,,,,
by the time i woke up from the dream in the
parlour, i saw a dvd collection of E T,Ghost ship
and predators beside me, a cd i had watched the
previous night.. :;( #Copied
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Munch Mee party foods and small chops. 08033833239,08189706279.25 March 2017 at 21:32
#copied#I took a taxi yesterday tho i knew very well that i did not have money to pay.

When i got to my Bus Stop, i quickly got out of the taxi and took to my heels. Unfortunately there was a Police Officer in the taxi. He got out and chased me🏃🏿👮🏼
The cop was catching up with me and took out his gun and shouted "Freeze"!
I stopped running and raised my hands to surrender.
The cop pointed his gun at me and said
*"My friend.. ,just keep running so that I keep chasing you... I also don't have money to pay the driver!"😂😂😂😀
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Anonymous25 March 2017 at 22:22
Yeah.... thanks everyone! I have received immense support from the American Stuttering Foundation, and a very kind Canadian Speech Pathologist sent me a free copy of his book when I told him I needed it but couldn't afford it. I am eternally grateful to them. If you know anyone who stutters, they should visit this site to get help: www.stutteringhelp.org
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Anonymous26 March 2017 at 09:03
Thanks Omotola, Elsie, Isaacson, Pffft, and all the Anons. @TRIUMPAHANT ZION, Thanks for your support and your "vote". I never knew there is a "vote". Yes, you are right. HE is always willing. You can send the recharge card though lolzzzzzz. That's if you weren't joking. dariobinam@gmail.com
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Saturday, March 25, 2017

Saturday In House Gists

80 comments: