Pick up zone: Eko Hotel and Suites, then I see this tall slim, fair girl with a short dress, a denim over the dress, with strapped heels, am like, Hmmmmn not bad! She starts to call my number, I didn't pick up, because obviously I knew she was the one, then she comes in and throws the cutest tantrum "Why didn't u pick up my call? What if I didn't know it was your car?" I had to laugh and smile, it was too cute!
Anyways we headed to our destination, as we were moving I noticed she was checking out my phone, sizing me up and all and was smiling (huh??) even if I try to check my side mirror she will flash this smile (in my mind, am like, hell no lady! Am too professional for all this!.. Yea right!.. Wash! Haha!) she got down to buy Chinese and we continued the ride, as she was eating, grains were dropping into her cleavage (nice set of titties by the way, free from zebra marks ) and she was like 'oooooh! Why is this thing falling into my bwest now in my mind am like, Hmmmmn ok o!...
We got back to her pick up zone, time to come down, wahala! Loads of people were now there, next thing she says 'please can you escort me to my room, am shy and I can't remember my room floor' I laughed hysterically! Am like.... NO!.. Am not well dressed right now and ready to park my car far away and walk into this crowd. I said don't worry I will watch you walk away so people will think am your boyfriend, she thanked me and transferred double the fare!..
(Errrm were you all waiting to read that we got down?.. Lmao!.. Christmas is once a year remember?)
The Navigator:
Pick up spot Ikeja GRA.
So two ladies get in, and while am reversing to start the trip, next thing I hear is "why did u start the trip" huh!? (In my mind am like, what's the reason of getting into the car in the first place? Is it to play ludo? Na wa o!) what if we say we don't want to go again? I am like, sorry ladies, but I guess when you come in to the car and the doors are closed, it's for a trip isn't it? Anyways they eventually agreed!
After a while one drops off, the other lady asks me if I know Jolly friends,? Yes I do, she says take the next street after jolly friends, ok no problem, I drive past jolly friends and I ask her do I take the left of right street? She then asks where's jolly friends? I said I just passed it and she screams why now? Why didn't you tell me? I don't know my way around there! And am like, but you told me to take the next street after jolly friends? She's like oh what rubbish is this! And am like so do I take the left or right? She goes silent! I ask again, then the shocker!... Pls don't ask me I know where am going! I shouted Jesus! Lady then why put me through this stress? She says 'Oga keep going abeg, if you know you don't know customer service please go and work in an office! Am like really? Ok no problem, I didn't say anything again!
Trip ended, her change is 200naira, unfortunately I didn't have change that morning,
she says, please o I cannot leave my 200naira with you o! Ok no problem but what do we do? She stays in for a while, both of us silent, then she gets down and goes into the shop she was going to and gets 200naira, and she gives it to me like she's dropping baby diapers in a bin! I shrugged it off and said well done o! And drove off! (No time for frivolities that morning Biko)....
PS: Can some of you ladies learn to use Deodorants??because trust me, when you enter a cab and sense and smell that your driver smells better than you (Errr ya! Tushe!) an imaginary heat will come from nowhere, even with the AC on full blast, and just mess you up by bringing out that body odor I feel pity for some of you sometimes though
I had a young girl (Shape is fire! Slim waist, flat belly and a butt bigger than Jlo) crushing on me seriously and flirting like no tomorrow (I know this, because from her remarks on my ratings, I saw what she wrote and knew it was her) but Jeez! Her body odor was appalling, it pained me though, and she was Sierra Leonian! Chai! My ticket to the abroad just faded away like diluted perfume
Maybe I should start having a spare Deodorant in my car
, hope that won't bite me back in the A**?
That's all for now, till next week, so stay glued for more Uber gists Chronicles....
As a rider or driver, do you have your experiences too?
So two ladies get in, and while am reversing to start the trip, next thing I hear is "why did u start the trip" huh!? (In my mind am like, what's the reason of getting into the car in the first place? Is it to play ludo? Na wa o!) what if we say we don't want to go again? I am like, sorry ladies, but I guess when you come in to the car and the doors are closed, it's for a trip isn't it? Anyways they eventually agreed!
After a while one drops off, the other lady asks me if I know Jolly friends,? Yes I do, she says take the next street after jolly friends, ok no problem, I drive past jolly friends and I ask her do I take the left of right street? She then asks where's jolly friends? I said I just passed it and she screams why now? Why didn't you tell me? I don't know my way around there! And am like, but you told me to take the next street after jolly friends? She's like oh what rubbish is this! And am like so do I take the left or right? She goes silent! I ask again, then the shocker!... Pls don't ask me I know where am going! I shouted Jesus! Lady then why put me through this stress? She says 'Oga keep going abeg, if you know you don't know customer service please go and work in an office! Am like really? Ok no problem, I didn't say anything again!
Trip ended, her change is 200naira, unfortunately I didn't have change that morning,
PS: Can some of you ladies learn to use Deodorants??because trust me, when you enter a cab and sense and smell that your driver smells better than you (Errr ya! Tushe!) an imaginary heat will come from nowhere, even with the AC on full blast, and just mess you up by bringing out that body odor I feel pity for some of you sometimes though
I had a young girl (Shape is fire! Slim waist, flat belly and a butt bigger than Jlo) crushing on me seriously and flirting like no tomorrow (I know this, because from her remarks on my ratings, I saw what she wrote and knew it was her) but Jeez! Her body odor was appalling, it pained me though, and she was Sierra Leonian! Chai! My ticket to the abroad just faded away like diluted perfume
Maybe I should start having a spare Deodorant in my car
That's all for now, till next week, so stay glued for more Uber gists Chronicles....
As a rider or driver, do you have your experiences too?
*You are a horrible Driver and i stand by my word in UBER one that you are rude.
Female customers have turned some of this uber drivers to emergency boo.
ReplyDeleteAfi emergency boo na..
Deleteuber is trying so hard to tell us dey employ fine, sexy guys...
Deleteso the ladies will keep applying
Hahahahahaha kai! for body odour cos i can't deal jare
DeleteUber driver love your story
and stella is their spoke person
DeleteWill read later
ReplyDeleteHahahaha
ReplyDeleteCrazy driver.. Lol
Stella some girls can be so rude, please don't judge him in a hurry.
DeleteNice.
Who has time to Uber anything.
ReplyDeleteWeytin be Uber sef? Na danfo i know
DeleteMaybe cos one of the customers 'got down' with him, it's getting into his head that he's irresistible and good looking. That's what's making him arrogant and rude!!! In my opinion anyways!!!!!
ReplyDeleteVery RUDE someborri!
ReplyDeleteAnd Nope! All these silly comments you make, trying to give us the impression you are a cool guy ain't CUTE at all... Kpeff away jare! Namsense
Laughing my fat ass away @kpeff away kwakwakwakwakwakwa. Be nice pls
DeleteGuy don't mind Stella. I can't see where you are rude here. You are just a principled fellow that can't ass-kiss a woman regardless of your occupation or hers.
ReplyDeleteYou know your worth.
Keep it up man. 👌👏
True. Ladies enjoy shouting or commanding drivers, housemaids, gatemen etc. In fact any human being that she feels is beneath her or her husband is taken as a nobody.
DeleteI like how you don't let them insult you in the name of uber driver. Three gbosa for you.
Help me ask Stella oh! The guy is not rude to me.
DeleteCorrect Uber man. Stand your ground and don't let women insult you. They should buy their own car and get a driver instead.
DeleteFirst time reading the uber gist and it's interesting.
DeleteNa wa for Stella oooo.wetin rude 4 dis gist na.
DeleteSome girls can smell. Blood of Zacharia. I was waiting for bus and these two very beautiful girls walked close. As they were coming, all I saw was make up. the eyebrows were on fleek. I wanted to ask for tutorial from them as my mouth no dey close when I see fine stuff. When those girls got close, my Gawd, o Lordy............
ReplyDeleteAfrican mothers in the abroad, pls teach your daughters what your mothers thought you before you left home.
Oga driver ur ameboism nor b here...face ur work oooo...
ReplyDeleteMay you not be terribly slapped some day.
ReplyDeleteHe's very very rude and sounds so Gay, dear Uber driver don't deny your sexually you hear? I can help come out of the closet, don't ask me how I knew cos it's written all over your story
ReplyDeleteIf he isn't the one that sent last weekend's, then you are right.
DeleteMumu talk. Or as Linda will say, Ode talk. Grow up abeg.
DeleteThis Uber driver is rude and I know his type. You feel all ladies find you cute. True oo ladies find some drivers cute and try to flirt but then yours is more like mental Ish.
ReplyDeleteFor your 'infomate', I use my Benz c300 2015 to do Uber and most times I don't even get Uber Select requests, I get Uber X and I have seen lots of girls get chatty but that don't always mean they want to go down. Did I mention I have this Majid Michael look so yes I'm also cute in my own small way
For anyone that will ask. I got it from online runs proceeds but as business dull and I can't use 'menumo' to do jazz, let me do Uber on the side and do my yahoo in the night.
LOL. You are a real Yoruba man (Menumo). I heard they sell that shit at Jankara market but it's a coded affair.
DeleteShattap! Who dash u. Mumu.
DeleteHow was he rude stella?
ReplyDeleteHelp me ask her o.
DeleteStella I disagree! He is a good driver. The fact that he is a uber driver doesn't mean that he should be an ode na.
ReplyDeleteI personally think that the guy is a good writer..he wants us to read and laugh.
Carry go uber driver.
More gist biko
Nawao.so yur own na to dey check out girls all the time abi.
ReplyDeleteHahaha
ReplyDeleteAnnoying and funny driver
Ogbeni, keep your eyes on the road not on your passenger's cleavage and every other thing your passenger is doing.
ReplyDeleteCONCENTRATE ON DRIVING!
Na wa!
Thank God for a safe trip at the end of it all. RME.
BTE na only women you de carry???
Oya come answer bloggi oh. Nah only women you dey Carry. That cracked me up
DeleteOk, I used Uber when I went to the club at Ikeja "The Place" omoh, my gf and I were so wasted but we managed to reach home. I was really grateful that we got home safe.
ReplyDeleteThen on my next trip to lagos na Taxify my gf say make we download as we needed 2 separate cabs. The taxify cabbie that picked me up at Ikeja, took me to festac before heading home- Surulere, the cab fare was really moderate. Next time I am in lag, I will use them o jare. All those airport cabbies are too expensive. Not rosy always as the Taxify guy that took me to the airport on my return trip was short tempered and though I let him pick his phone, while driving out of my street, I vexed when he tried making a call as we were on Oshodi- Apapa exp way. shio... this one ain't got Defensive driving skills rara. He sha didn't make the call but he told me that I had to pay the toll, which was reasonable sha.
In my phcity, its palm drive we are using o, though I am yet to download the app
Funny somebori
ReplyDeleteStella wetin na, where did u see d rude in this write up?? Biko y'all asslicking Stella, una no get sense, d guy wasn't rude, call a spade a fucking spade
Enuf said
Help me ask Stella oh. Hahahhaha
DeleteRude you say @Sdk?! Nope! I see no rudeness here pls. Had to read twice. Hes just a jolly uber driver biko.
ReplyDeleteI like your stories, you are not rude to me.
ReplyDeleteHe is not rude o. So because I am driving someone around, they should treat me like shit? Those ladies get luck sef
ReplyDeleteHmm
ReplyDeleteWhat a story
Pls buy the deodorant and get the beating of your life
You are a driver not a beautician oga
Tiwa
Uber driver we done notice u ,u hear
ReplyDeleteDont mind stella, rude ko??
ReplyDeleteHahahaha good to know you have small self control
Stella because he is an uber driver he shouldnt perceive body odor again..
ReplyDeleteNa wa
70 percent of these Lagos Uber drivers are RUDE and lack customer service. They are more poliet when speaking to men than women.
ReplyDeleteBut I trust myself, I have an account and pay them according to there stupid rudeness.
Many of them don't even have a map and come with dirty cars killing the uber brand. Useless set of drivers, most of them should be sacked.
Also why will anyone want to f--k an uber driver. I had one that could not stop talking too much, omo I gave him 2 stars simply because he could not shut his dirty mouth and drive.
Uber drives, YOU MEN ARE DRIVERS and nothing else to us customers. Please stop living your fantasies on this blog. Whether you drive okada, kabukabu, uber or limousine, you are still a driver at that time and nothing else so please understand this.
Abeg chop kiss... Muuaaaaahhh!!
DeleteUber driver will be feeling like a potential toaster on top what na?
This is why the country isn't progressing because people forget what they are supposed to be doing and try to indulge in leisure activities during work hours.
I'm not trying to degrade uber drivers because there is dignity in labour but everything has its time. All this trying to be 'fresh' while on the job is VERY unprofessional.
Very disgusting read, I take uber everyday. Heaven help the driver that will try rubbish with me..thunder slap you will receive and nothing will happen.
ReplyDeletePerverts everywhere.
The girl was eating rice and asking why the grains were falling into her cleavage?
ReplyDeleteMtchewwww.
This one is just writing out his fantasies. All lies.
I blame myself for opening this crap to read again after seeing the previous LIES you wrote.
There are only two chronicles here, the uber chronicles and others. Lol.
ReplyDeleteNaaa, you're not rude at all, a maverick is what you are, an hilarious one too.
MISS Jacobs.
Hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteThank you for this pieces of advice for girl, ladies and women well-done uber
ReplyDeleteLol. @ stella.
ReplyDeleteSince he didn't embarrass any body but only telling us his observations and gives free advice concerning the body odour issue. In my opinion, he is not rude.
ReplyDeleteKrix signing out via iPhone 7+
You are just an impetus, emasculated being.
ReplyDeleteand very rude.
When someone gets into an Uber car.... you ask politely ( can I start the trip)
You don't start it automatically without the passenger's consent.
Thank goodness I have not met your type, you sure would have been annihilarated .
Nonsense.
Can I start your trip kwa? Okay oo. And when you get to your destination you ask "can I end your trip" abi?
DeleteYes, that's how it's done actually. You never know what anyone has planned.
DeleteYou are not rude jare! Just buy a nice scented pourpouri for the back seat .
ReplyDeleteCaptivating write up.....Sdk, he isn't rude....
ReplyDeleteNigerians need to upgrade their Uber.. in usa you don't even have business with paying your driver cash.. once you download your Uber,you register with your bank card and whenever you request for one it comes to you, pick you up and drop you.. no time for exchanging words and all..
ReplyDeleteSo...
ReplyDeleteHer change with you was N200?
And she couldn't part with the N200?
Yet she got down and then searched for N200 to give you?
Weren't you the one who was to give her N200 change?
Sorry I'm not 'understanding'
I don't see any rudeness here. This Uber driver is just principled, plain & having fun while doing his job
ReplyDeleteI'm with you Stella, he is a horrible driver and quite rude to be honest. I understand that people can be someway sometimes, but this driver's attitude is not it at all!
ReplyDeletePoster don't mind Stella and the other BVs calling you rude. Rather you've just been a bit unfortunate with extremely rude passengers.
ReplyDeleteYou seem a bit cocky though but so long as you get the job well to the satisfaction of a rational customer, you're good to go.
I look forward to your Uber chronicles.