THE WINNER IS.....................
Hello!
I salute ooo
I bring to you Saturday in house gist result.
This gist segment was tagged 'Valentine Stories'. Contestants were asked to share their Valentine stories and we had some funny jokes as expected.
However, majority did not indicate if their gist was copied or original thereby rendering the gist invalid. The winner adhered to the rules completely but came with a copied gist. I would have preferred an original gist to win but only one person indicated that his/her gist was original and there was no single vote in its favour. So the winner of the Valentine stories is Bv Isaacson.
President D'Royalty (Her Excellency)
..........................................................................
BV Isaacson ,please send me a mail and indicate your network.
Today is the worst Valentine present ever and the winner who will get airtime will be announced tomorrow.
I am also taking part in this.....
''Prior to when i got married,I had never celebrated Valentine because I was too busy and scared to end up as minced meat the Morning after..so what I did was that i would collect my gifts a day before and vanish into thin air.....
When i got married.............I was looking forward to a truckload of Valentine presents but on our first Valentine after I relocated,I was waiting for a big surprise and got a rose and a box of Chocolate.My mouth dropped open...as in wetin be this?Heck there was even a card!..Say wetin nau?
I was so upset and my hubby so confused,infact i cried and said he shouldnt try it again,told him that i wanted real presents......lol
But now i have learnt to appreciate roses and chocs as gifts but i still prefer real presents.....
I hope i win..LMAO!
ReplyDeleteBROTHER BOLAJI's BLOKOS
So it happened back in the days. Those days we just finished secondary school. Those days almighty JAMB humble students, those days your being "Born Again" was at its peak. There was this fellowship in our Estate, organised by Bro K, assisted by Brother Bolaji. It was mainly for teenagers.
A brief description of Brother Bolaji : he's a deeper life member, even deeper than bro K. Merely looking at his serious whitish, dry face you will feel like surrendering your life already. You will practically smell your own sins..
So on this particular day, after a powerful message by Bro K, he ushered us into a session of worship. We all cried wailed, reflecting on our lives, wanting Jesus to come already. Tears rolling, "Skabashing", praying, - Jesus Save me or I kill myself kinda. I knelt down, eyes closed and was in top gear in the Holy of holies truly worshipping God. I clenched my fist and intended to lift it up in worship of my maker. But lo and behold it was something else my clenched fist lifted. I drew back my hand, and tried it again as I never thought about anything of it. Same thing happened. I decided to open one eye the third time as I was now gradually coming back to my senses. To my utmost shock and disbelief, I have been lifting brother Bolaji's egg plant, ah!!!!??? How come? Am I dreaming? What is this? I practically froze. I opened my mouth to say something, but my voice betrayed me.
Brethren, the 5-6 seconds play out of the looks on our faces were better imagined. Of more importance was the look on his face. His usual dry face was now full of sweat with red eyes, almost popping out with disbelief! More like : so you decided to disvirgin me in the presence of God and his people? You daughter of Delilah, of what accord has light and darkness?? Which demon sent you? So many questions my dear BVs. That very moment, everything left in my spirituality drained. I went pale, : so devil you still cornered me, my dead ancestors still remembered me? so I can't worship God in peace again? Of all brothers in the fellowship, brother bolaji??? Why did today come in the first place?. Hmmmm....Shamefully I got up with my head bowed. Till date I don't know if I can look into his face again. *sad*
But errrm, On a lighter note : brother Bolaji carry! Yes, load full there die!!!
#original
Why are you obsessed with the blokos? You have told us before nah.
Delete@missfit Ahahah. Stella said I should postcode it in comment section of In-house gist o....Funny you.
DeleteNo vex now. I didn't know.
DeleteAgeless T u killed meππππππππππππ smell your sins
DeleteBros bolaji blokos AKA BBB, hahahahahaha..see as I dey laugh like witch gereπ π π πππ
Delete@KIDJO, na real BBB...lol.
Delete@Missfit darling, vex Bawo? Today na Sunday abeg, my church mind still dey intact.
@Baby Oku, pls don't die abeg. Your val wants you alive.
Issues full this our country, make we laff small...
Oya let's go
ReplyDeleteLol... Oyinbo people and flowers...
DeleteOversized pants.
ReplyDeleteBack in school,on val's day, my school mom and her friends set up their classmate. I was the delivery girl coz I was a day student while they were borders. Guys use to gift their gfs tru day students coz as single sex school they were not allowed in anyhow. So on that faithful day,they moulded Garri cake,used toothpaste to write and decorate. Then wrapped empty packs of sugar packs and all in gift wraps and put them all in a basket. My school mom held my school bag and reminded me that once I dropped it ,i should RUN and met her coz if not I 'll be beating if the receiver finds out what it is. So as I headed to seniors block 4pm , see screaming the so called receiver's name,which is a norm on val's day and girls will gather. My heart was beating so fast,as I dropped it,i had to squeeze myself out of the crowd asap,thanks to my super tiny body. I ran but could hear annoying screams from afar.
DeleteNa God save me that dayππππ coz a dead rat was in the sugar box!
Osaluabuaaaπ π π π π .@crazyhornywife, tell me something.
DeleteWow I won....thanks d royalty and everyone who voted or found it funny...much love to you stella
ReplyDeleteI voted 4 u oooo. 4get me not in ur kingdom. Lol. Happy 4 u.
DeleteI voted 4 u oooo. 4get me not in ur kingdom. Lol. Happy 4 u.
DeleteLolzzz how can I candy
DeleteWill read comments
ReplyDeleteThought I have seen it all when they sucked breast but sucking someone's dick tueeh, what will there parents say? BBA should scrapped.
ReplyDeleteAnyway am new here, please how do I get a blog I D
Huh????
DeleteMy dear, your comment published with an i.d,
a known one at that so???
Na wa o
Aunty are you confused?
DeleteAmy...is everything alright???
DeleteLaff won't let me type. Queen Amy go and edit your current blog Id on www.blogger.com and get a new one abi is it not a a new one you said? What am I saying sef? π
Deleteπππππ.. New ko, old ni...
DeleteSay the truth and shame the devil!! Abi no be Queen Amy be this?? It must be my eyes..
Lol it's all joke dearies
DeleteLol
DeleteDo u need Malaria tablet?
Amy I don't get this post of yours ohhh
DeleteLol... amy na clown
DeleteLAFF WAN KILL ME DIE (LWKMD)π
ReplyDeleteA graduate in Biology from Akungba was having
difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at a zoo.
In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has died so they needed someone to dress up and pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was okay, he accepted the job. The first day, he put on the gorilla skin and entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beat his chest and roared like gorilla. The next day, he put on a gorilla skin and started moving around the zoo again and mistakenly entered another cage and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla and started shouting like human, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped onto him, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, "Tony, it's me Mike, your course mate." No job for this country oo.
(Don't laugh ππππ alone, share to LAFF WAN KILL ME DIE (LWKMD)π
A graduate in Biology from Akungba was having
difficulty in finding a job. He saw an advert in one of the daily newspapers for a job at a zoo.
In the interview, the manager told him that their gorilla, which had been tourists attraction has died so they needed someone to dress up and pretend as gorilla. The graduate was embarrassed, but since the salary was okay, he accepted the job. The first day, he put on the gorilla skin and entered the cage, he started jumping up and down, beat his chest and roared like gorilla. The next day, he put on a gorilla skin and started moving around the zoo again and mistakenly entered another cage and found himself staring at a lion. The lion roared and rushed towards him. The scared graduate quickly forgot that he is a gorilla and started shouting like human, "Help! Help!" The lion leaped onto him, knocked him to the ground and whispered in his ear, "Tony, it's me Mike, your course mate." No job for this country oo.
(Don't laugh ππππ alone, share to graduates andup undergraduates.)
Can't laugh alone ππππ andup undergraduates.)
Can't laugh alone ππππ
Wao I am laughing so hard now. My fiance even told me to forward it to his watsup. This really crack us up.
DeleteLMFAO, d tin don reach dis level?
DeleteMike was only trying 2 be Romantic He lights candlesπ―...Sprays sweet smelling incense.... Plays sweet love songs over & over again... Pour flowers all over the floorππ...
ReplyDeleteFor a typical Naija babe!!!... Only for OGADINMA to jump over the fence and run away...thinking is money ritual!!!π π π π
Advice:: Mind how u celebrate ur VAL on 14th 2 avoid "U see dat Guy, he's a Ritualist!!
#copied
Lol@ real present.
ReplyDeleteStella as original naija babe that you IS nau
Wow it was then when I just got admission in my 100 level days,two days to valentine a girl I was just friends with benefit called and said I must get her a valentine gift I said okay and bought her a necklace and ice cream and shortbread biscuits....val day came she arrived my hostel but was frowning and not happy,I was seriously worried and tried to find out what was wrong she just said nothing that she does not want to make me sad also...i tried cheering her up and presented her my gifts to her,she smiled and said If I wanted mine I said yes,anticipating what she bought when she gave me an envelope and i opened it and saw a pregnancy test confirming she was 2 months pregnant...instantly I died and felt I was finished and how I have left everyone down mostly my parents...tears started rushing out she was just staring at me and saying why are you crying...pls come and lick ice cream,we will just get married bcos no abortion I was astonished and just went to the bathroom to think and cry...after like an you of being in despair and pains...she said the test was a joke and fake that her frnd faked the test...i was shocked,relieved and confused at the same time...asked her what sick joke was this then she opened up about how I made her jealous and angry by spending some time with one girl like that she despises so much...and so she wanted me to feel bad also...and this was on val day oooo....later she gave me her gift...it was a pack of condom...say since I dey fear pikin I need am...anytime I think of dat gift I laugh ND smile
ReplyDelete#ORIGINAL
Wetin eye no go see for this blog???
DeleteCongrats Isaac!
DeleteI just read the post today
Congrats Isaacson
DeleteThanks bloglord and pipi leeπππππ
DeleteSorry, you did not win because you did not indicate if it's original or copied.
ReplyDeleteTry next week because trying to resend another one will disqualify you.
My fellow BVs I hope I made sense?
Ok oooo
ReplyDeleteStop wasting money on data. Get free browsing cheats on all networks @ Entclass.com
Ikwakwakwakwakwakwakwa.
ReplyDeleteMake una try indicate if una gist na original or copied oo. Also, make una use valid blog ID.
That uncle wey use him email do URL Id take comment yesterday, nor try am again today oo, he nor go work o.
What do you mean by real present stella? It wasn't your birthday naaaa.
ReplyDeleteMy worst valentine gift came as a scar I still have on my right leg till date, was still in the uni then, and Lee boo beg 'us' to go out, as I was not the outing type then, his sister and her son were around, his little nephew cried his eyes out because he wanted to go with us, so we tricked him and ran away, it was already late, as there was no means of getting a cab, so we saw one bikeman, and quickly called him, so I didn't know the man was an aboki, he was climbing a very high hill, when the bike rolled back, and my leg landed on top the bike exhaust (salasa). He took me back home, immediately we opened the gate, his lil nephew jumped out, and started laughing, I was surprise, when he said 'you didn't go again, she burnt her leg, you refuse to take me along, ntorrrrr'. I didn't know when I started laughing, it was my first time celebrating valentine and I got a scar as a valentine gift, worst valentine ever.
Original story, just wanna share, but if I win no yawa.
Emjay my girl, you for just leave am for exhaust kpakpa, salasa nyways e go be later.
DeleteMy first boyfriend had been promising to surprise me for val, my expectations was so high that I started praying for God's blessings for him every night before I sleep. I was hoping he'll get me a new phone cos i had misplaced mine a couple of weeks back. He came with a wrapped gift told me to close my eyes, I did excitedly with anxiety n sweat all over! He placed it in my hands n told me to open it slowly. Alas! it was a phone wrapped with rubber band. Within split seconds my smile turned to frown n then tears. I cried so hard that he couldn't control me, he firstly thought it was tears of joy until he saw I wasn't giving up. Actually it was his phone, he had been using it for quite sometime but said he thought to give it to me cos he loves me. He took his time to package it into its carton(phone pack). I was trembling with anger, i gave it back to him n asked him to walk out.
ReplyDeleteOriginal
I don't like you.
DeleteI don't like her tooπ π π π π π π π
Delete@blunt chic n royal Naomi why is that?
DeleteLaff wan keeh me die. Ehehehehhs
DeleteI totally don't like your personality. Someone gave you from his heart and you rejected it? He is better without you.
DeleteI don't like you too
DeleteMe neither. Cold bi*ch.
DeleteDon't judge me until u ve heard it all. He was the one that made my phone to miss, went out together n he was with it n dropped it unknowingly. We found out when we alighted. He had told me before then that he was saving some cash, thought it was to get me another phone. I was feeling cheated that was why I acted that way, I thought he was giving me the old one so he could get a new one for himself. Of which after I sent him out, he didn't even go self, he stood at my door crying too. I went to meet him, apologised, collected the phone n we left for his place to do val proper. Didn't want to give the full gist so it won't be too long.
DeleteNo, you are wrong this time oluwadarasimi. He couldn't afford to buy you a new phone that's y he decided to sacrifice and give you his own phone. How many guys will do that? Even if you won't accept it. Be grateful. Any guy who can do that is what keeping. You fucked up!
DeleteMadam Oluwadarasami oya move on you owe us no explanation.
DeleteAwwww.What's a romantic guy.π©π©π©
DeleteAwwww!!!, What a romantic guyπ©π©π©π©
DeleteAbeg which fuck up. Na by force to give gift?
DeleteThis madam is a big fool and a lier, she's now joining some pieces becoz people are not on her side. You are an ingrate.
DeletePls y'all should leave the girl Biko. Wat nonsense... Missy u owe none of these he goats an explanation. Judginas everywhere
DeleteI remember when I dey Secondary school(Senior class). Me and my small school boyfriend been dey exchange juice, card, perfume and shortbread biscuits. The gifts were usually kept secretly in the receiver's locker in the morning before assembly on Val's day if it fell on a school day.
ReplyDeleteOn that day, the whole class go dey scent 'new new scent', girls go dey test their perfumes inside class during break time. We all will open our gifts and show to one another. Choi! Good old days!
I can't even remember my worst Val's gift now, maybe I don't have any.
You people would not believe it. One toaster like that mixed tasty time and brandy, brought it to me. Inside one expensive looking wine bottle and I was overjoyed. He brought me cake too. Time to drink wine I called family meeting with my sisters (to show off) all for them to start shouting 'hian tasty time kwa?' I melted inside. Next time I saw my nigga I warned him to stay away from me. Lol but we found ourselves at the same uni in the states and have been good friends since.
ReplyDeleteGuy man gave me a box that was beautifully wrapped, oooooooh the feeling was out this world, Sharp sharp I don snap the pix post for facebook. Come see comments? Hmmmmmmmm we went out, drank,ate came back and had a good knack. Baby boo left the following morning back to Lagos and i Dint even unwrap the gift to know what was in the box. I wanted to do so badly but I wanted my friends to be there when I unwrAp my beautiful gift. I invited them over and we were just gisgting about last night knack and what everyones boo got them. Since we were neighbor they all brought their gifts so we all could see what our bold bough for us.
ReplyDeleteThe first got a veeeeeeeery big Teddy bear,some chocolate, and a novel sweet ryt? We all were just awwwwwing apandan and blushing lol.the next next unwrapped hers and tWas a beautiful gold necklace and a stud issssh tWas so beautiful and looks really expensive we were all blown away, tWas now time for yours truly to unwrap her gift oooooh Lord my heart was beating so fast and my hands were shaking, I was 100%sure I would have the best gift yes the confidence was outta this world, I quickly unwrapped it lol and behold the first thing I saw was AN ORANGE PANT that was neatly and beautifully folded. instead of me shouting and screaming in excitement like my friends did I was asking a question, I was like an orange pant? Who gets his girlfriend and orange pant? Chisos I was so furious that my hands were shaking, my friends on the other hand weren't helping matter they just started shouting eyaaaahhs as if na person die am sure they did that to spite me. All of a sudden I became moody, I threw the box to the nearest corner picked my phone called him and started raining insult on the guy, he was just mute and dint say a word, when I was done he ask if I was done I said yes and he said ok. Where is the box? told him I threw it away he just started laughing and it got me confused, mtcheeeeew I cut the call, drag the box out and empty the entire content on the floor, in the box I found plenty ugly colored pants lol pantiliner, few peices of pads and a BRAND NEW SAMSUNG PHONE, a charger and an earpeice that wasn't in a case lol. I was speechless I dint know what to do, my friends were astonished, the look on their face was EPIC lol. Immediatly my phone rang and tWas him, I picked the call and dint know what to say to him, I was ashamed of my self. He said Steffy you
are a drama queen but I love you anyway. Iiiiiiish I was just blushing that my chicks turned pink lol. My friends were just smiling from ear to ear this time tWas out of jealousy or at least I tot lol. It wasn't a competition but I wanted to win.
Ignore the gbaguan beg.
LESSON LEARNT
Sometimes good things comes in rough packages, keep calm.
I love this your story. I love your blog personality too. Eheheheh, ehm what now happened to the orange pants, ugly pants and pads nah?
DeleteAdonbilivit, or maybe im just jealous
DeleteMade up story
DeleteI received my worst valentine present during my Secondary School days. I was den in ss1,most of class mates had started showing off with their valentine gifts( perfumes , chocolates, cash e.t.c), i was still waiting for my boo to bring mine, even abused my frnds of their cheap gifts. Lo and behold during break time my boo from d other department came and handed me my Val gift,i was happy and quickly went to show off with it in class. My class mate cheered me up to open d gift, finally i removed d gift out of d wraps, then i saw four pairs of socks and a letter. I hid d letter, although my friends had started laughing. So i went to d toilet to read it. Its say 'I will always love you my heart, your socks has been disgracing me for sometimes, please change it with d one i gave u. Love u'. See tears and i was d talk of d class. Original
ReplyDeleteThat is true love. Real love.
DeleteLmao. I vote for you ooo
DeleteWow
DeleteFunny
Pls ow many times can we Vote? Cos I just voted for you 10times
DeleteEwoπ π π
DeleteSo 9se.π
DeleteYou have my vote
DeleteI vote for you dear...I story caught me
DeleteAwwwww, he cared. You gat ma vote dearie.
DeleteI vote for u
DeleteHere to read comments
ReplyDeleteDis stell ehhhhhhh
ReplyDeleteYou're a case study
I'll not vote for u until I come back n read others own
Worst valentine present ever. We were both students and my ex didnt have enough money to buy me baileys as that was my favourite drink back ten. So he bought evaporated peak milk and carribean coconut gin, mixed it together and poured out for me to drink. (original)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was In JSS 2 , one senior like that whose younger sister was in my class was toasting me. So on val's day, he gave me one mumu earring like that that looked like It has been won before. I collected it and showed my mumu friend and she went to meet the guy's younger sister who was our classmate and asked her if her earring was missing. The girl said yes and my friend told her to go and meet Hannah sharp sharp and collect it. That was how this girl came with her gang and started shouting that i should give her her earring. My mumu friend just stood somewhere laughing like a mad goat.
ReplyDelete#original
I vote for you ooo. So Damn funny
Deleteπππ
DeleteHahahaha, disease so foni.
DeleteI vote you too. Lol
DeleteHahaha... Really funny gist,!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteValentine came in for us in d 10th of our relationship. K and I had nothing really mapped out sha even though it was a weekend(Saturday precisely). Later in d evening we went out, had just a drink and a plate of pepper soup and dat was all- no gift from him, nothing even promise of a gift. His excuse was that in his previous relationships he's used to receiving gifts from d ladies and dint know it was ideal getting d lady any in return. Mschew to say I was flabberWhelmed wud b an understatement! Are u kidding me? I even thot it's a joke until it dawned on me we were not heading to any mall or boutique for me to pick up a gift of my choice. Hmmmm I was glad I had not given him d bottle of perfume, shirt and a pair of combat shorts I got for him. All he kept singing in my ears was how he wanted me to warm him all nite in bed. For what nah? I stay wt my parents, how will dat be possible! Some guys are really stingy shaaa: igbo guys especially. Imagine spending just about #1500 dat val"s nite and complaining that I wud have been d one to show him love and foot d bill. Guys if u find a good l ady especially d one that feels 'gifting' shud be a two way thing pls cherish her. Anyways I broke up wt d scumberg, its his loss and not mine. Am with a better person now. Pardon my gbagauns I just had to comment. Happy vals day in advance to y"ll
ReplyDeletea very big and funny flower wit an ugly card wit a Big love...lol
ReplyDeleteYaaaaaah congrats Isaacsoon
ReplyDeleteThanks dear.....so happy I won
DeleteI once dated a nerd that was simply not romantic but cared in his own way,so I was surprised when on val's day he called to say I should get prepared ad he will coming ti pick me up,hmmmmmm,interesting,I dressed up sharply waiting for him,he came by and we drove towards VI,I was beaming with smile thinking we were going to one of those expensive restaurant,only for to get Terra,parked,entered the place and it was a book reading event!
ReplyDeleteAs in,who reads on val's day,I was so pissed off,I slept all through....just wasted the effort I put into dressing up
#ORIGINAL
Hahaha very funny
DeleteThis is funny,book reading ke?!
DeleteImagine!!that's exactly what I'd like...
DeleteValentine came in for us in d 10th of our relationship. K and I had nothing really mapped out sha even though it was a weekend(Saturday precisely). Later in d evening we went out, had just a drink and a plate of pepper soup and dat was all- no gift from him, nothing even promise of a gift. His excuse was that in his previous relationships he's used to receiving gifts from d ladies and dint know it was ideal getting d lady any in return. Mschew to say I was flabberWhelmed wud b an understatement! Are u kidding me? I even thot it's a joke until it dawned on me we were not heading to any mall or boutique for me to pick up a gift of my choice. Hmmmm I was glad I had not given him d bottle of perfume, shirt and a pair of combat shorts I got for him. All he kept singing in my ears was how he wanted me to warm him all nite in bed. For what nah? I stay wt my parents, how will dat be possible! Some guys are really stingy shaaa: igbo guys especially. Imagine spending just about #1500 dat val"s nite and complaining that I wud have been d one to show him love and foot d bill. Guys if u find a good l ady especially d one that feels 'gifting' shud be a two way thing pls cherish her. Anyways I broke up wt d scumberg, its his loss and not mine. Am with a better person now. Pardon my gbagauns I just had to comment.
ReplyDelete#original #ORIginal
Happy vals day in advance to y"ll
hahahahahaha @missfit i love you too dearie, guess what i did? they became my favorite pants lols, they were ugly no doubt but i loved them like mad, wore it when i went to visit him and you needed to see the way he laughed, oooh my gosh it was so sweet to just sit and watch him laugh that hard, i have learnt to appreciate simple little gifts "ugly gift" lol.
ReplyDeleteI learnt a lesson here.
DeleteA frame that read "be my val.
ReplyDeleteI have never received a Val's gift. I have once bought for someone, hoping to get in return. Guess what I got from him "why did u buy this brand? U know I prefer this other brand. And why didn't u tell me, so I can tell you exactly what I want"
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. My pple, I bowed my head in shame, regret and anger. And dat was d last I ever did.
Anyway, when I win this, and get d airtime from Stella; it will be my FIRST Val's gift so far. And I am sure it will break this jinx
#Original
I hope you win, lol
DeleteBack in secondary school, I got a letter and a picture frame with "Be My Val" caption from my best friend who happens to be a guy. I ended up dating his elder brother.
ReplyDelete#Original
Nice one, I hope you win.
ReplyDeleteWell mine was painful.lol. Myself and this guy just started dating so I was actually okay with not receiving anything from him on vals day....plus he was in Dubai and I was in Lagos. However this guy kept dropping hints like babes I cant wait for vals day...pls send me ur full house address etc. So omo babe became expectant. Was even trying to be humble saying he didnt need to get me anything. He was like for wat. Vals was on a Saturday that day. I got a call from Nuts bout cakes saying I had received a cake. I went outside to pick it up and saw the small 8 inches carton. I honestly still didnt mind so much. Then I opened it and it was a plain brown round cake. No icing, no inscription. Tot it was a mistake o. Snapped d cake sent it to boo at that time and said thanks love I received d cake. Tot he wld shout and say thats not wat I ordered. He simply said u r welcome baby I hope u like vanilla. Honestly that was it 4 me. Like wth! Lol.
ReplyDeletePls hw do I get an ID mbok
ReplyDelete