Nawah!!!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE:::
MOTHER IN LAW BROUHAHA
Background
I had a stillbirth in 2014 and we tried for 14months before the next pregnancy. I'm based "in the abroad" so there was the question of who is coming to look after me and baby when baby arrives.
Hubby lost his job when I was 4month pregnant and I decided to take responsibility of the house. So when we raised the issue of who is coming to help out with baby, I suggested that my mum should come over as this will save cost. We don't need to pay for her flight or send her money for anything + she already has a visa and then my Mother in law can come later when hubby starts work.
Hubby decided that since his mum was a retired mid wife, she has more experience with babies and women and can look after me better. After much toasting and begging we decided that MIL should come.
The week before I had a baby, hubby got a job out of town which mean he will need to stay in that town from Monday-Thursday. (He gets home Thursday morning)
Brother in law and wifey lives next door to us.
I had my baby on a Sunday morning and MIL got to the UK Monday morning. I was in the hospital for 3 days cos baby had jaundice. I expected that brother in law or his wife will come to the hospital with MIL and food throughout my duration in the hospital but nothing like that happened. I had to rely on my colleagues to get me something to eat as the hospital food was not enough for a nursing mother.
When I got home, I didn't say anything or react but I was angry, hubby got back from work on Thursday and started omugwo, he had to make me breakfast, lunch and dinner with his mum sleeping. He went back to work on Monday and I expected MIL to take over, that was where the trouble started cause, I had to look after the baby, cook for myself and MIL cause she was just watching TV and sleeping.
When hubby got back on Thursday I discussed this with him and told him I'm not going to do it the next week. We both agreed on that. Monday came and hubby went back to work and this woman had the effrontery to tell me to help her fry plantain, I did it but never asked her for what she wanted to eat. When my hubby got back on Thursday, I don't know what she told him as I stopped cooking for her during the week and only ate what was available in the fridge.
Exactly on Sunday hubby said his mum informed him that I have not been asking her what she wants to eat. Pls bear in mind she has stopped bathing the baby when she was a week old. This caused a big issue and I told hubby I was moving to my family house in another town as mil was stressing me out. After much shouting, my mum came that evening (Sunday)and took care of things and went back on Tuesday as she had to see her dr on Wednesday morning.
It's been more than 2 weeks after that incident and MIL has decided to start cooking but for herself only. She won't even bother to ask me what I want to eat. Her ticket back to Nigeria is end of May. I'm looking for a way to move it forward without hubby thinking I hate his mum. But the truth is she is not doing anything tangible only occupying space.
I have decided not to ask her what she wants to eat as well.
My darlyn bvn, I know the story will change when she gets to Nigeria and will tell the world I am a bad daughter in law who did not cook for her.
Pls am I being ridiculous not asking her for what she wants to eat? I'm 4 weeks postpartum already.
Thanks
*Hmmm this narrative just made me miss my Mother in law badly cos that woman will do anything for peace to reign.In her own little way she did Omugwo for me the Oyibo way and i am grateful...I wanted more but I handled it well.
Now back to your case,is it not possible for you to ignore her flaws? to love your MIL as your own?
You have a mindset that someone must cook for you after you have a baby when you live abroad and know that everything here is do it yourself?..You should have prepared yourself irrespective of whether your MIL was coming or not..if she does not want to cook,why cant you cook?dont you eat?or how long will you continue until May?
I dont think you have handled the situation well but it is not too late.please use wisdom and correct the damage already done.
Do not listen to any bad advise from your family or from anyone else,your hubby will not take sides with you to be wicked to his mother,Are you kidding me?
please start cooking and include her,do your stuff as if she is not there and try to manage the situation until she goes..YOU ARE A WOMAN AND WOMEN ARE CAPABLE OF WITHSTANDING ANYTHING!
If you overlook my advice,what you will have to contend with will be more than you can imagine..be wise and ask God to send you Solomon's wisdom!...SELAH!
Brb
ReplyDeleteMy dear, u caused the trouble. U should have insisted on your mum coming. Almost every mother takes care of their children, but MIL is another story. Next time, please let ur mum come as soon as u put to bed, then when u are strong enough, your MIL can come so there will be no issue of ' ur wife refused to give me food'.
DeleteHa! Stella ur advice is just wot I had in mind!
DeletePoster keep in mind DAT one day she will go,just do what u can for her n try not to stress u.
Wisdom is Gods gift, just ask!
Good luck.
Which one is what she wants to eat everyday. Cook on weekends while mother in law watches baby. You guys can rotate it one person Cook every other weekend.
DeleteWhen my sister had her baby. I went there I did not cook or clean or even bathe baby. I assisted her in clearing bathe after bathing baby and changing baby. Every morning she came to the room and dumped baby with me so she could do laundry cook and clean. She cooked on weekends. I don't understand why you cannot do this. Before baby came you did it all abi? All you need is for someone to watch d baby period.
You are struggling because you were expecting too much. You are in oyibo land. How are d oyibos doing it. Afterall if you will still make food for yourself abi. What's there in making for two?
This mother in law is not a nice person....even your bil too.....how could they not drop by in the hospital with even if its just fruits or water and they live next door😲...as for mil why did she struggle to come for omugwo when she had no intention of helping out....omugwo is not an all expense paid vaca for a hubby's mum to come abd rest...it is to assist with caring for baby and doing other chores so new mother can rest. Me i dont like domestic work frankly and i do it because i have to so i am earnestly praying that when my sons get married my future dil will have their mothers alive so they can do tbeir omugwo for them ....i know they will be more comfortable with their own mums.....anyway u have learnt a lesson....she shouldnt come for omugwo again if all she plans to do is come and sleep and strech her legs and cant even bath the baby...next time insist your mum comes....see if u can manage her till that may
DeleteIf not tactfully find a way to change her ticket so she can leave before then or else she may single handedly cause u to slip into post partum depression.....the lot of an african woman smh 😓
Most BVs are 2 faced, cos general overseer sdk said she's at fault, una jump follow her. Ass kisser inc!
DeleteMy own is why did she come all the way from Nigeria to the abroad if all she wants to do is lazy about?? Me I will not take it, next time ask for your momma and this nonsense will seize. Try and cook during weekends and refrigerate, when you're hungry microwave and eat, dont place embargo on the meals, if ur mil wants to eat, let her eat. But don't stress yourself with house chores, take your time, no be everybody be lion like una, she needs to be pampered and cared for including her baby. My advise is ignore her bad habits and be cordial. Make God no let me experience this o, cos I will so bundle your ass back to wherever you think you came from whether mother in-law abi na sister, even my own mama go go back, I hate rubbish*smh
My MIL was like this. She can call me from upstairs that my son wants something. Whereas. She was closer to the kitchen. I endured o. I did it but i didnt even say bye bye to her. She can never step a toe into my house again. Lazy mama
DeleteI had 2nd degree tears when I had my baby,after then I couldn't sit properly till like 3 weeks plus cracked and bloody nipple. .my whole body was on fire . I can understand how ypu feel.I gave birth on a Thursday by Saturday,I was doing the laundry and washing my hubby's shirts that are usually handwashed.My mum and younger sis was with me but I hated to just sit down to be waited on hands and foot.I cooked what I and my husband ate because he is a serious food critic. My mum bathed my baby though. MIL came 3 weeks later and didn't allow me do anything,refused to allow me wash her sons clothes,insisted he do it himself or she will herself,whenever she sees me trying do anything, she will say 'U just born na,why I leave my house pay transport come ' and I will beg her to consider her waist pain. .I was even hiding to do things myself.Everytime she will ask me 'Wetin I go help you do'?..That was 3 weeks later oh when i was already up and about . My MIL is in her late 60's and my mum early 50's.A kind hearted person is a kind hearted person,no matter the age,if she genuinely likes and cares about you she will help you out simple .Two wrongs don't make a right,get up and do your stuff,serve her very well and take good care of her,she will begin to feel bad if she has conscience and will help you out . If not too,at least you did your part as a DIL,no one will fault you
Delete@GOONs Mi, u r so on point.
DeleteWhere is the like button!
Poster, the actual problem here is your husband. Did your mil Fuck you? No! Did she send you to buy ticket? Probably not! Your husband probably needs a job closer to home and more realistic for you two to cope. He is the one that owes you not you mil.
DeleteMy mother is busier than I am right now! Is she supposed to leave her commitments just cos I decided to fuck and have a baby???? Heck no. So who looks after my dad while she is looking after my baby? Would you go look after my dad if he were ill? No! That's my mums job, she'd probably quit her job for that. To expect that someone who wasn't a part of your vow to be responsible for you is highly irresponsible of you. Fix up girl, you are better than this post.
Stella abeg dt ur advice no gum, she had an option of d mum coming. D mum would hv done d normal omugo internationally or locally. For d fact dt she came to do omugo she shd hv done d necessary tinz @ least 4 1 month unless shez old or has some health challenges.
DeleteNa wa! It is well
ReplyDeleteThis poster is so annoying... I had my son through CS in Belgium..Started cooking and doing stuffs for myself right after..Got pregnant again when my son was 6 months...did almost everything myself...Smfh..Is she your slave? Start cooking for you both...Mtcheew
DeleteWhy did she come? Its a different case if there's no one there. But after spending money for her to come, she should help. When she is leaving, she will expect to go back with gifts. For doing what? Pls dont support wickedness. If she had gone to her own daughters place, she would have acted differently.
DeletePls listen to Stella's and other bvs words of wisdom. Pls be patient with her and ignore what you feel is her flaws. Remember you will be a mother in law too.
DeleteThe poster isnt annoying.....its her mil that is. That you were able to do all your chores by yourself....good for u...doesnt mean every woman has that strength and tenacity....to each her own....one woman gets pregnant in the same month she married...it takes another 18months plus......another spends one hour and pronto pushhes out her baby.....the other has to be sectioned cause she couldnt push by herself......its different strokes for different folks....so pls madam do not sound so patronising...
DeleteTruth is, some women are more stronger than others. So I can relate to what the poster is saying. And obviously, this is her first baby. She needs help. If it were her daughter, will she be sleeping all day and not help her own daughter out? There's really no point if someone is around and then not assisting in any way. It's a different thing if you are alone and you know that There's no one with you. Poster should be patient with her and perhaps ignore her. Since its her mil she will have to handle it differently than if it were her mother so that peace can reign. Just endure till she leaves and next time be wise when choosing who to come biko. There's no point displeasing yourself to please anybody. You hear me so?
DeleteU get sense anon 17.40.
DeleteYour head dey there o jare, anonymous 17:40. If any woman like, make she strong like iroko tree,she needs help with her 1st child!
DeleteExactly. Why come if you won't help. And someone else was willing to come
DeleteAnon 17.40, your head dey there! Really dope words!
DeleteExactly my point, she had options , & a mindset already dt someone was coming.she would hv done tinz her own way if she was alone.
DeleteNa pikin you born, you don't have a disease. What's with the whole drama.
ReplyDeleteYou are healthy and so is your baby, why do you still need your MIL to cook for the family or is there something I'm missing.
So if your mother was the one that came for omugwo you'd expect her to bath you and the baby then cook for the family.
Please get over it already and stop acting like you're suddenly handicapped because you had a baby.
So you had the idea to leave your home because your MIL wasn't cooking.
If you can't get a maid because they are expensive to have abroad, then you have to make do with what you can and stop with the entitlement.
Yes many mothers end up giving their daughters or daughters in law more work to do when they come for omugwo but I also believe in some way they still help out even when it's not physical.
They are tell you verbally what to do and what not to do to take care of the baby.
Calm down biko. Omugwo is not forever and she'd leave when it's time. Appreciate her.
I just taya for this poster, I'm also in oyibo land and stayed in the hospital for 3 days after birth and I was eating the hospital food, I ddnt expect anyone to bring the food for me. Now she gets home and just wana lye down just because she gave birth....arrant nonsense!!!! I dey vex I just dnt understand her period! How can u expect an elderly woman to be serving u upandan? Dem.no train u well
DeleteI tire for this your advice Biko,d essence of her coming is for her to help out n if she can't do it then why is she there? Am not saying d poster shouldn't do her part, but I have witnessed something similar believe me u won't enjoy it one bit if it were u.Poster Pele next time insist on ur mom coming
DeleteAnon 16.34 YOU people should stop expecting so much from others. Learn to xo things yoself!
DeleteAnon 17:08,read the story again,they NEEDED someone to help out hence d IV to d MIL,if d woman dey herbown jeje for UK n her DIL was writing this I will say she is expecting to much,but the fact they PAID for all d travel expenses for her to come n HELP,she should at least help out a bit.there's nothing like EXPECTING too much here.
DeleteMba! Doppelganger give birth and you will understand. I used to speak like you till I gave birth. I was tired, couldn't do much and was in a lot of pain. I don't know what I would have done if my mum did not come. So all of you saying why can't she do stuff on her own have obviously not given birth before and even if you have, remember no two people are the same. A new mum needs help because her body needs to recuperate like crazy. Take moi for instance, before pregnancy I was as strong as horse, but afterwards I knew that the saying "body no be wood" was true.
DeletePoster sorry for what happened. Forgive your MIL. Do not worry about what people say, because people must always talk, but please next time insist on your own Mum coming. God bless you real good!
Doppelganger yes that is the way it should be. Whoever came to stay with her after birth is meant to take care of her and the baby. Truth she gave birth to a baby not that she has disease but with so many drama of labour room we have read here every woman needs hlep after birth. God bless my late mum, she pampers her daughter inlaw like egg after birth, no work until at least after two weeks including their clothes. She will stay back till after 41 days if possible two months.
DeleteI like as you said the truth 18:37. Na who wear shoe, know where e dey pain! After that wahala in labour room, a woman needs to be pampered because some don't come out alive!
DeleteI read some comments about the poster expecting too much from her mil, was the MIL not doing same? To be waited on hand and foot? And most of you don't expect much from Stella? To give, give, give and be giving? The hypocrisy by some of you bvs is getting 3 much fa! HABA! So to cook for both of them na be work? Woman na just born ... jet lag for how many days fa? And why the BIL wife no come help cook on her free time for her MIL since, they live next door?
I better commot for this post before I write 1000 comments... poster take care of yourself ... your well being first. Bye bye!
Doppelganger when you give birth you can come back and say this again, even though she will cook meals herself its not suppose to be immediately after child's birth.
DeleteMost MIL just come with the intention that it is their son's house and nothing much need to be done by them.there was nothing my mum didn't do for me when I gave birth. Just handle it with care by now you should be strong and do everything yourself,stop expecting anyone to help.
O di Egwu oo! Why was money spent for her to travel abroad since she knew the dil just put to bed? She for talk say she no wan go since to work the fear her....
DeleteSome BVs shaa,so because you gave birth and started jumping like a frog the same day makes everyone same baa? Poster listen to madam Stella. Act like she no even the exist and God will help you...Amen
Prayer:God pls let my mil be a caring,loving and adorable woman...Amen.
Lmao @ jumping like a frog. I've learnt something from this post. I would insist on my mum coming for omugwo. But this MIL is mean sha. She used them to catch vacation. Poster Pele. I wish her trip was just one month.
DeleteDoppelgängster when u born come back and give advice.....be following Stella and her stupid fake arsed comments......a new mum should not do much work...she needs rest wella....while you don't stop doing any work, all that less sleep at night and breastfeeding things make you tired....why come all the way when all u wanna do is sleep and eat and watch tv? So cos she lives abroad she should not complain? If it was her daughter she came to visit trust me she would have worked and taken care of her daughter.....poster just endure, her visit has and expiry date...next pregnancy never allow her come first...
DeleteMy thoughts too.. Anon 18:19
DeleteWicked woman,since she cooks without giving u then cook your own food, thank God u are not in naijja so she can say what ever she likes,or better still, her son should resign from work to take care of his mother.
ReplyDeleteThis angel ray has come back now. Only to insult people.
DeletePoster please take Stella's advice. It's wisdom.
But it is obvious that she is a bad MIL. I suffered the same even from my sisters in law too. I have decided that I will be the best mother in law regardless of if my daughter in law merits it or not. Women, let's change this tide, the men are easy, the problem is with us!
Delete100 likes
DeleteNice advice stella.
ReplyDeleteIt's not a right! If she isn't helping, epp yasef
Women women women. I'm dragging ear for you. Do not allow anybody but your mother come. Let your. Mother always come first. Because that is adjustment period. After you have adjusted mother in law can come.
DeleteM dear some mothers are the same as mother inlaw ooo... I know of a friend who gave birth n he mum came to do omugwo , ended up doing nothing.. only to watch Africa magic n sleep..
DeleteAt least your mum would be easier to confront without her going home to tell everyone that you're bad. If it's your mum, you can express your disappointment and she can change. But how would you say such to MIL without causing fight?
DeleteShut up and stop licking arse....Stella made no sense to me...yes ignore her but why will you come do omugwo and do nothing? She would not have done that if it was her daughter...poster just manage till may.....wicked MIL
DeleteAbeg I ve not faced such before,over to the bvs who ve one or two experiences in such issues
ReplyDeleteI have closed business for today
ReplyDeleteLet me go and study... I must come out with Distinction
@Galore
Kidjo! You wen be prostitute like your mum how are you going to understand.
DeleteWhen your MIL first arrived, did it occur to you that she might have been Jet lagged? If there was much time difference between 9ja and where you reside that may have affected the old woman. Did you tell her how you felt about her not pampering you? Of course from your narrative you didnt! You and your mother inlaw had issues before now so you should have held your grounds that you wanted your mother for the omugwo when you and hubby discussed the issue. Now the relationship has gotten to an even worse state.
ReplyDeleteIt's either u are a man or u haven't had a baby, especially CS. The MIL knows her DIL just had a baby. She is a mother herself. When she was coming to d abroad, wetin them tell her? Is it not omugwo, bathing baby, pressing DIL hot water and cooking pepper soup.
DeleteAnd she called you specially to tell you she had her baby via CS? Some of you just jump into marriage with the heart of hating a mum in-law. If she had a civil relationship with the woman, she could have mentioned the fact that she felt neglected and over worked rather than what she did. I know this is a one sided story but from her narrative, she had prior issues with the hubby's family. All that ensued could have been avoided if she had stood her grounds on wanting her mum for the omugwo.
DeletePopeyes u get sense. These 2 ppl seem to have issues b4 now.
DeleteChai. Mother Inlaw na wa ooo and my brothers wives are enjoying theirs ooo. My mama will not rest until she visits her grandchildren and see their wives.
ReplyDeleteWhat you can do is to KINDLY move her date forward, before the middle of April and as you do that, be happy with her, help her out because one day you too will become Mother Inlaw. Shey you know say na turn by turn.
Oya carry me go london, i go cook small for you. You no dey eat salad and co for that side?
You are a wise woman Stella.I love how you handle mother/daughter in law brouhaha.Dear poster treat that woman like she's your aged mother.As long as you want to remain in that house in peace,manage her well.May God give you the wisdom and strength to pull this through.God bless!!!
ReplyDeleteTreat her like if she was her mother you say? If she was her mother she for don tell her her mind plus her mum will never do that. Only a woman without human feelings will decide not to help. If she dint come no wahala Atleast the poster would face herself and her baby but now mama has added an extra mouth and yet isn't contributing anything, if the poster were her daughter wunt she help out
DeleteThank you Push up. You echoed my earlier comments. If poster's mum came for omugwo and sacked in that regard, she can express her disappointment and her mum would sit up without animosity. But how would she say that one to MIL without causing fight?
DeleteI agree with stella.
ReplyDeleteFor peace,pls follow her advice
Dear poster
ReplyDeleteYour mother in law no dey try but you know that two wrongs cannot make a right. Please show her the respect she deserves and start cooking for her again
Start showing her love instead of hate... in fact use love and kindness and kill her lol. She will on her own stop giving you all that attitude.
Keep enduring until she leaves, your reward will come from God
That is my opinion sha
I know where exactly vwhere ur annoyance is coming from,this poster I guess it's angry because when Mil attention was seriously needed she wasn't there for her when she was at the hospital and even wen baby was just a week old she stopped bathing baby,which was just this posters transfer annoyance that made her stopped cooking for Mil.just take it very easy with her,I could smell how frustrating this might be for you, like Stella advice up there though one person nor they know finish,just start cooking for her,pretend to love her this is my own advice but still try as much as possible to see a way you can shift her date of going back forward,but swallow whatever annoyance you have for her,so that your behavior will get her confuse so by the time she gets to Nigeria,she wouldn't want to tell them you are bad which you are not.I will be reading other comments too as well,we learn every day.
ReplyDeleteBut I didn't understand are you not supposed to bathe your baby by yourself??? Are you not happy to do this? Why vex if she stopped bathing baby. Na wa oh.
Delete@ anno 16.03
DeleteIt's not advice able for a lady to bath her baby by herself, especially if is her 1st time
Babies are very fragile
If don't clean the necessary place of their body well, they will grow with bad odour
And mothers massage then eg stretching their hands to 2wards d back, pressing their head, etc
If u are a 1st time and u don't have a mother or MIL, u can hire a nurse, some experience neighbours volunteer to help
Please do not encourage pressing babies heads please.
DeleteTee
Poster the only thing I can understand from your write up is that your conscience is now judging you.
ReplyDeleteIf what you said up there about your MIL is true I don't see the reason why you will be in abroad and care about what people in naija will of you
Why did she come? To put her legs up? I thought the idea was for her to come help a new mum. If it were her daughter, would she have done the same? Just try and see how you can manage the situation till she goes. Next time , you know who not to call.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind the old woman and her spineless son.
DeleteThis MIL is not a young, vibrant woman, she could be more than 65yrs.
DeleteGodbless you Tilly jor.
DeleteIf she is over 65 years old she should sit down in her house! Omugwu is to take care of the new born baby and mother. Why will she come all the way from naija just to hang her leg if it were her own daughter will she watch her do everything on her own and then spend sleepless nights with baby? Who doesn't know that new babies feed multiple times at night? Wicked mother and son!!!!!!! Why didn't they allow her own mum to come and take care of her? Stella ur advice isn't fair but poster I get ur pain. Two wrongs don't make a right. Manage treat her well let her carry her wahala and go. I hate mother inlaws that treat other people's kids wrong. What u cannot do to ur own daughter! Poster is a new mum, does night feeding, washes, cleans, carry baby and do changes, rocking and bathing! Then take care of herself as a new mum (me I usually hv tear) it's not fair but u hv learnt your lesson. Next time insist on ur mother!
DeleteThe son(husband) no try ooo...at least he would ve talked to the mother...I am not understanding them set.
DeleteLet me 'come and be going'.
MIL is always the wicked one abi?
ReplyDeleteClap for yourself poster
Wow!!!! Wow!!!! Wow!!!Wow!!!
ReplyDeleteFamily ish can really be draining.If she were to be an outsider I would have said ignore but she is family and you have to apply wisdom for peace sake.
Now throwaway the IN-Law and embrace the Mother in Mother-Inlaw.Treat her same way you would have treated your mum if she was not acting right.
I would say make her a nice meal or take her out and talk about it.May is a long time to be unhappy in your home.Find a way to restore peace in your home so that this doesn't ruin your relationship with your husband.
One Love!
But she is not acting like a mum should. She is acting like a typical mother in law that has come to "je onje omo". I can't deal. If my mother inlaw acts that way, i will avoid her. I wont complain. I will do everything all by myself.But my silence will speak volumes to her. And for my husband, by the time i deal with him, he will talk sense to his mum or cut short her stay.
DeleteI don't see why one should reward bad behaviour. MIL is not behaving like a mother so why should poster give her a treat? With which energy? Please with which energy? Poster should use that energy to take care of herself and the baby. Forget the hubby. He is the cause of the problem
Delete"I expected that brother in law or his wife will come to the hospital with MIL and food throughout my duration in the hospital but nothing like that happened.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you expect too much from people.So if your MIL is being wicked you'll do same to her? What if she had jetlag? She seems like an old woman. Just tolerate her till she leaves. Be happy you love in different continents. Hire a nurse to help you.
I wonder if she even gives as much as she expects...?
Deleteand she just likes food..Hospital food is enough..smfh...Do u think they will give u little food knowing you are breast feeding? They gI've enough food...
DeleteStella i understand what you're trying to say for peace to reign but mind you that the woman only came for the omugwo,if not she wouldn't have been there.So how on earth could she come there to sleep or could this be a premeditated act. I cannot imagine discussing with my husband who comes for my omugwo because he doesn't have a say in that. It could have been better a stranger came to help her than that woman.Women are wicked.If my mother in law behaves this way, i must ask her to leave because she only came to cause trouble and when i do that, i make sure to leave should my husband start quarrel.What nonsense!!
ReplyDeletestella have said everything let me kukuma hold my peace. why do i feel the only reason your are overacting is bcoz you read sweet Omugwu chronicles here? woman you need wisdom. plus you sound like a very disrespectful child, hope am wrong sha.
ReplyDelete*hangs leg on the wall*
madam please....get a grip!!!
ReplyDeleteyou expect something from everyone- BIL, SIL, MIL. Na them send you to go born?
If your mum & MIL were late, wont you manage?
Exactly!...na them send u go born!....if u knew her kind of person from d beginning u won't hv allowed her com....I know someone like this....wen she put to bed & someone does not bring a gift or money for baby..she gets bitter...
DeleteGod bless you annon!!! Poster is just a filty smely witch..
DeleteIf na your mama seh u go complain???you be bastard!!
Me and wife raised 3children alone....God bless my wife forever.
Annon 15:48 it hasn't gotten to name calling nah,if the chronicle vex you too much abeg no comment...case closed!
DeleteFor her to complain,it means the mother cannot do what the mil is doing. Your story is different cause you were there for your wife but in the poster's case the husband is always out of town.
If no be ur mama,e no fit be like ur mama.
ReplyDeleteWhistles as I walk away🚶
ReplyDeleteYou got no say here, just hurry and run out of here. No fuck fuck talk. Go play with sand.
DeleteYou got no say here, just hurry and run out of here. No fuck fuck talk. Go play with sand.
DeleteLol! I know how stubborn I am naa! I'm a very good girl with a very vey good heart but listen eeh I don't tolerate bulshit from anybody! If this happens to me, I will stop talking to every damn person! Ma Onye enu ma onye ani! Everyone will quickly sit up! My own is if you want peace I will give you more than licence but isi ka etikasia etikasia!
ReplyDeleteNa me Bankie! Nonsense!
There's nothing wrong in preparing what she would eat. When you prepare yours, make hers also. Its that simple. Treat her as you'd treat your mum.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, ur sense of entitlement is on fleek.u already had so much expectations and ended up getting urself disappointed. Yes u just had a baby, but are u sick? Are ur hands broken? Take care of urself and ur baby and yes! ur mother in law too. Do away with ur resentment and win her over with care, love and affection. She knows what she's doing is wrong,cus if u were her daughter she wouldn't behave that way towards u, but since she has decided to be of no help to u, just do ur best and leave her to God. Be nice to her,but don't be a fool, feed her, gist with her, watch movies together.ur husband isn't home most of the week, make her ur companion for heaven's sake,she's not ur rival. Do ur best and see her turn around and melt for u like wax before fire. if none of these work, commit ur case to God and watch God deal with her severly, she would be the one to move her ticket forward by herself. Change ur mindset madam, I wish u well.
ReplyDeleteNothing like a sense of entitlement. Omugwo is a duty like work and not vacation. She should be entitled for some services from anyone coming to do the omugwo. Why come for omugwo if you don't cannot do what is required?
DeleteThank you Mrs T. What was the point in her coming then. Having a child for the first time takes a huge adjustment. How can she be taking care of a new born and then a grown woman? The woman should at least support her in one way or the other...not necessarily by cooking. She can carry the baby while the lady cooks and rests. She can help bathe the baby even if occasionally as well as encourage the new mother.
DeleteWe can't never know the true situation though but dear poster do as Jesus would do...though hard, so you won't be held accountable.
My dear tell them o. Everyone is turning marriage counselor when they'd do worse if they were in poster's shoe. Have you considered that if it was her biological daughter, she would have been to the hospital even it's for 20 mins whether she brought food or not. But no, she decided to stay with her other son and his wife when this poster needs emotional support. There's nothing like having your own family around you to share your joys and pains and by the way, this is her first baby (if I'm right).Why is she not complaining about the other woman living next door not giving her food or is she not her mum in law too? Ok,dear poster just gather yourself and take charge of your home. You can choose to ignore her attitude and treat her like your mom. You can also choose to ignore her completely like you don't notice her presence (but give her food o) But I think you should just for the sake of Peace treat her right and erase the wrongs she has done from your heart. Forgive her like you would your mom and enjoy your home. All the best
DeleteOh she has sense of entitlement but the mother in law doesn't have sense of entitlement when she's looking for who to ask her what she will eat. Rubbish! Aunty just manage the situation, in marriage we learn different lessons next time insist on your own mum
DeletePoster Stella has said it all. Its ur home manage it and manage ur mother in law.
ReplyDeleteAm the type that doesn't allow people doing things for me especially cooking, when I had my son through CS I did my things myself including cooking and my mom didn't like it. in fact at a point she told my husband that I don't let her cook and things,my hubby just told her I like working. Her own was just to carry her grandson.
Biko brace up. make peace with her and live in peace.
Do not let this visit cause a crack in ur union bcos u can never tell how close she is with ur hubby.
One love dear and good luck
Madam, you are a bad daughter-in-law! I'm sure the poor woman stopped bathing your baby because of your bad attitude. You stopped giving her food? Haba! I am sure she would not cook because of your attitude too. Someone has come live with you for just 6 months and you're treating her this bad? She'll never forget your bad actions to her. What happened to patience? What happened to communication? I hope your baby is a boy because karma will come knocking!
ReplyDeleteWho is this yeye anonymous. Do you know how long 6 months is? You are saying just 6 months. You don't know anything
DeleteWhat are you saying? She stopped bathing her grandchild cos of what? Shows she is not a good mother in law.. Bi omode ba se bi omode, ki agba se bi agba. MIL can also ignore her wrong doings n treat her like her own daughter abi if she is her own daughter won't she visit her in the hospital.. We are all humans ojare don't be surprised some bvs turned counsellor here will do worse. Anyways, for peace to reign, treat her the way you would treat your own mother poster and next time, be wise in choosing your mom over your MIL.
DeleteOh my! Oh my!!
ReplyDeleteI remember sending a mail to Stella after my MIL showed me shege during Omugwo and you gave a similar advice. It didn't make any sense to me then koz I felt hurt and I expected toooooo much from her but eventually I took ya advice and today, Mama and I are not best friends but we are fine and respect each other.
Poster, I for one understand how you feel but please ignore her and act like all is well. Cook for her, indulge her as much as you can and above all learn to tolerate her.
Hubby ll NEVER take sides with you. Rather, you ll be seen as a witch and a control freak who hates her MIL
Kilzes to you and your baby.
It's important to have peace in the family which is why I don't advise anyone to be inviting their mother in law for omugwo. It's like borrowing huge sum of money to a friend. When they cannot pay back, friendship is soured. Leave that duty to the birth mothers which nature and customs assigned to them. It's a big and strenuous job sef and not vacation as some greedy people tend to see it.
DeleteStella kisses to you from me...........posted Stella is so on point, ignore all the drama and May will be here in no time! it's your first baby so please enjoy it to be fullest and keep in mind that God has answered your prayers so be grateful for that alone.........all this ones na distraction jor...have I told you I love you?
ReplyDeleteI'm with Stella on ignore drama but my dear, a lot of things are easier said than done.when the stress gets to the new mum, she will be outing out the stress and not these advices. The mother should go for her to face the stress of new born and not add that of pleasing anyone
DeletePlease dont fill that way, treat her the way you will treat your mum and ignore her flaws.
ReplyDeleteEnd time mother in law
ReplyDeleteMadam u are just angry over nothing. Learn to accommodate her.if it was ur mum u won't complain.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure her mom will never do such. Stop bathing for baby after one week, expect her to cook for her everytime 😨 fear God anonymous... She knows her mom and I believe if her mom is like that she won't complain cos it won't be a new thing to her
DeleteStella it's very easy for you to say cos you may have never had a taste of wickedness writer pls manage her till her stay expires.
ReplyDeleteam not married but I have to tell you this. Someone like me I like doing things myself bc no matter how people try doing things for me, I will always go back to redo it when they are not around. What am I saying? I'm simply saying you should learn how to do things yourself so that if people help you or not, you wouldn't feel so bad about it. Ignore her and make your home. Cook whatever you feel like eating,and dish out to her except if she have some health issues. Do it in love, stop acting like she hates you. Stop seeing the work or cooking as punishment. Enjoy yourself and watch out how happy you will be. Congrats on your bundle of joy.
ReplyDeleteYou are neither married nor have a child that's why you can talk without empathy. Put yourself in the Poster's shoes then you would understand why she is entitled to assistance from MIL who knew she was coming not to be served but to serve both DIL and her grandchild. It would have been a completely different case if Poster was alone. Then she'd be able to manage herself. Now MIL has just come to add to her stress. I for one would not tolerate that
DeleteThat's wickedness....i know that mother in law must be Yoruba. Lazy set of ungrateful people,my sons house, my sons money, my sons Thia and that, no human feelings whatsoever. Only went there to eat. Thief
ReplyDeleteNo be so your mama wicked ? Bastard child from useless and backward Igbo tribe.
DeleteEeyah you are so bitter,I can feel your pain.Work for your own money too so you can lay full claim on it.Next time marry some1 from your hardworking tribe.Tribalistic foooooooooolllllllllllllllllllll.
DeleteLol at thief..na wa oh
DeleteSeems the woman think she's on vacation in united kingdom, you people didn't tell her before, that her coming was for omugwo.
ReplyDeleteAbeg shun her and do your thing, just act as if you got no one close by to help you.
E be like say your husband na Mama's boy.
Dear Poster,the Lord is your strength. Like my husband taught me,if my mom or his mom comes over for a short visit, I should love and accommodate them. Their stay is temporal,but my stay with him is forever. This lesson has kept my home and relationship with inlaws.My own mum has her own isssh o. So dear,it could also be the other way round. Shower your MIL with - I don't care love.lol. God bless your home. SDK hugs to your baby
ReplyDeleteIt baffles me why someone will want to come for omugwo and not be ready to do the omugwo. Is it not then better to use the payed omugwo attendant them. Anyways, that is why its customary for birth mothers and nor mother in law to come for omugwo.modernity has changed everything. If she is not your mother, she can never be your mother ans dont expect her to be your mother .omugwo is a full time for for a period, it's not enjoyment. The sooner all these mother in law knows that , the better for them. They should not dragging this duty with the birth mother. Our ancestor were not mad when they delegated this important duty to birth mothers. That is how my former neighbour was complaining to me on how her mother in law forced herself to come for omugwo with high BP and does nothing but sleep.hers I can understand cos it seems that is the custom in yoruba but my dear, as I be igbo, omugwo is for birth mother's. In fact my mother owes me that special duty oh. No one can deprives me of that. Na ojukokoro dey make people only see the rewards and not the job involved.my dear, you have tried your best. Don't extend her visa biko.enough of eye service. Why did she come when she wasn't ready for the work involved. To tell you the truth, if my mum is with me and she is not performing the necessary omugwo duty, I will tell her my self right there. It's not the same as vacation. It's a work period for mothers. I only learnt how to hold and bath a baby when my mum was about to go. Otherwise she takes the baby from beside me on the bed and bath her and they stay behind in the living room to watch their tv while I continue my sleep. No one should joke with my omugwo biko.
ReplyDeleteStella, I understand you lost your mother earlier and had not really enjoyed our traditional omugwo,so I won't argue with you about how to treat anyone.but you know a new mother is usually understand stress both from hormone and physical stress, which is why they should be pampered and not them pampering anyone.
God bless you Mrs. T. You have spoken well. Women go through a lot when they give birth. I know my own experience. Maybe one day I will share it.
DeleteHowever, in this circumstance, the poster has to really brace up and sit up for her own sake and for her marriage. Poster, please, we understand how you feel but please try and follow Stella's advice. You are a STRONG WOMAN!
Thank you Mrs T, they say she should treat her mother in law like her Mum but if she were her Mum, I'm sure the lady would be able to tell her without mincing words that she isn't helping enough but as she's mother in law, the lady can't say anything before they will say she said. The truth is that the mother in law hasn't done well at all and to think that the lady had the option of bringing her mother who would have made everything easier for her from finances to taking care of the baby.
DeleteHowever poster, please ignore your mother in law's wrongs, do everything you should for her including cooking but if possible bring forward her travel date...na omugwo she come no be vacation (moreso now that her impromptu vacation is not convenient for you). When time reach for vacation, you people will invite her for vacation but as for omugwo, let it be your mother that comes to avoid unfulfilled expectations. You also sound like you expect a lot from people, please bear in mind that nobody owes you anything (except say na agreement as u people agreed with your MIL for omugwo and she turn am into vacation) so if people help you, receive it graciously and if they don't, do not count it against them
Thank you very much for this comment Mrs T! That MIL cannot do that to her own daughter! My mother brought the first meal I ate immediately after birth before my MIL came according to the Yoruba custom. My mum stayed with me until I was discharged, taken home, and spends one night to make sure I am well settled, by then my MIL would have come. She prepares pepper soup, pounded yam and the meal every body will eat. Then my MIL will take over, my cousins and aunties who comes visiting would cook and wash also, everybody chips in.
DeleteHaba!she gave birth on Sunday, nobody brought food for her in the hospital for the 3 days? Then went home, her MIL expects her to cook for her? Please let the truth be said, it is not fair! If she had nobody, that is a different thing! Poster, doh, just take it easy huh,she will soon go and let it be her last visit!
Mrs T has said it all. It's unfair for a new mum to take care of herself, her baby and even the MIL who is supposed to be taking care of all of them.
DeleteYou better apply wisdom like Stella said.
ReplyDeleteMy mother in law came for omugwo with 6 of her grandchildren,she doesn't enter kitchen and she will always claim she doesn't know how to back babies.I will cook and cook.
She will even tell me to give my baby sleeping drugs so that his cry will not disturb her.
I was never rude to her for once although it wasn't easy to resist saying e don do.
Sleeping drugs to a babyyyyyyyy
DeleteThat's mean
You will compromise your own child for the happiness of your MIL just so you don't lose your husband. Very selfish woman.
Delete😲😲😲
DeleteU made the mistake when you accepted for her to come in the first place. The woman is not a good woman, she won't do that to her daughter, that being said, since u r in the UK and u ve a 9 month maternity leave, I think u should fake a serious break down, let ur hubby know u r about to die as a result of stress, even if it means moving to ur family house for about a month, ur MIL can be by herself for that period. But before u fake the breakdown, start cooking for her and asking her what she will eat, then after about a week you strike! Good luck
ReplyDeleteWicked anon..lol
DeleteThis is wisdom
DeleteAnon15:35 odikwa very wise.chop nokle👊
DeleteE don tay wey u don dey scam. Scammmeeeeeee!!! Ur head dey dia!
DeleteMy sis,u expected too much. I kn its not easy but pls ask God for strength and wisdom... Tomorrow u will bcome a mother inlaw & wat if yr DIL does d same? Hw wld u feel then? Biko dear,ignore her flaws and do d little u can for her. She will soon leave after all. Pele. May d wisdom of God abide richly with u.
ReplyDeleteThis your narrative just pissed me off, cos if it were to be in naija, and your mil is behaving like this, i for nor too vex. But to think visa + plus flight ticket was involved, its quite annoying. She came with the mindset of coming to enjoy, while you had the mindset of someone coming to assist you. Not withstanding from the way you sound, i don't think your hubby will take your side against his mother, if not he would have trashed it when it started.
ReplyDeleteYou are 4weeks postpartum, you should be stronger now, just cook for everyone, do what you need to, and wait it out. Like you said, the report about this may not be to your favour in Nigeria.
I am sure you have learnt your lesson,for your next pregnancy.
Me too, I dey Para, anonymous 15:36. That is why I carry this matter on my head like panadol seller. After spending that much for bringing her over? It is not a 5 star hotel o but a home where chores are done! Poster endure, it will soon be over.
Deletelisten to stella. This is supposed to be omugwo chronicles. If you used to read omugwo stories here, you will see that many women have had mother-in-laws like yours. Since you didn't give birth by CS, start cooking and taking care of her. For your next child, make sure you invite your own mother instead. E don already happen so endure. Besides you gave birth a month ago. I have read of women who entered kitchen after a few days on this blog.
ReplyDeleteSo poster you don't want to lose weight abi? Work will help you lose weight.
DeleteHi poster, my opinion is, u need to overlook ur MIL behaviour. please cook for her and urself. u are also a mother now n all mother are to be loved no matter there flaws or mentally or behaviour. if u continue u will create a bad impression about urself n d memory will tag along with your child( eg i had a bad experience when u where born)just saying.
ReplyDeleteSo she should just kill herself to satisfy MIL? Are you a woman? Have you given birth? Maybe you gave birth and remained strong and bubbly. Not every woman is that favoured. No not all of them pretends. Remember many women have died from pregnancy. You think it's by your power? You better be thankful for your grace and be careful to judge others. If women are talking like these, what do you expect from men? Haba! Smh.
DeleteWomen, please know your future in laws very well too before you marry o. If they are not reasonable thoughtful people, you are bound to fall victim very soon. No matter how you try to reason with people like this, you will end up talking to the wall.
Poster na the truth Stella tell you so.
ReplyDeleteBut its bad that none of them brought you food in the hospital but just endure. Start cooking for her. If you display, you will bear the consequence in future
ReplyDeletePlease dear poster,I am on my knees begging you to follow Stella's advice. It's just for a while.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Stells
Did you guys see the video of two guys humping on the dance floor of a wedding in naija? It's on krakstv instagram page. I'm still stunned
ReplyDeleteI saw it. And wedding guests were there. I was gobsmacked
DeleteIf you know that u haven't bn to d abroad please don't drop any advice here😕truly this omuguo thing dey dont do it over there like we do it here in naija.....
ReplyDelete...Thank you!
DeleteAbeg swerve,we understand that most people in d abroad are always too busy to help,but that is not d vase here,she was specifically brought for naija for this purpose Omugwo is Omugwo irrespective of where u dey.and I dnt have to be in abroad to no what is right n to comment
DeleteThank you anony 20:36!
DeleteI really can't blame the poster much..the thing is if u can't come and help me then don't come and occupy space. I had post partum depression when I had my baby being a first timer, my mother inlaw did practically nothing to help and also refused to leave so that my mum won't come.
ReplyDeleteWhen my people saw that I was beginning to act like someone who's mentally ill, na that day them carry me and my baby comot for house ooo. They took me to my parents house who took over the baby automatically and would only bring him to me only when he wants to suck. They took over the bathing, my feeding and for the first time I slept for 3 hours undisturbed since I put to bed. My mother inlaw of course felt insulted and left while I was away but I'm Hale and hearty and don't feel like strangling my baby Cuz I was mentally stressed. My people post partum depression is real as I was a victim.
You see, anonymous 16:09, thank you for sharing the truth. Many mothers fall into depression and some just drop dead from stress, but trust our people, it is to ask 'na you first born?' Abi you born Jesus christ?' It is the MIL thst is lazy! Point blank!
DeleteYou are blessed to have such a family. Some women are just wicked....without mercy....thank God your people rescued u
DeleteEverybody dey hail Stella upandan,nobody wan talk em own again abi.i thnk some ppple don't get d point here,Omugwo wuz d reason her MIl came around and nothn else.if d Mil den comes n cross legs,its not fair n Dats d truth.some of u here av given birth n u knw hw stressful it is to cater for d home n ur baby.she's stressed up n nids help Dats wai she's complaining n d only person dat wuz to offer help is not helpn instead demandn more tasks from her.most of us will do d same thn she did,dont judge her,its not easy.she's not expectn too much 4rm anybody,its just d needful.if her hubby wuz around its a diff case. Pls poster I undrstnd hw u feel,buh try n show her some love,try n cook for her wen u av d strength to (dont kill ursef wit stress bcs of one MIL).treat her well even if it's not from ur heart(cos it can hardly be from ur heart).shift her date upwards n let her go in peace.next time borrow ursef brain.
ReplyDeleteAbi oo anonymous 16:11.
DeleteThat is what omugwo is all about!
My MIL took very good care of me and my 4 babies and I appreciated her with gifts. Poster, be patient and endure, you hear. May no far.
Thank you Mrs. T. Your reply is the best one I have read on here today.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the replies I am reading. I guess these people calling the newborn mom all sorts of names have never given birth before. After I delivered my baby, the discharge provider told me that it was imperative that I rest, she said it was not the time for me to play hostess to visitors- no cooking, no cleaning, nothing. I was like whatever, lady. I kept trying to do things for myself even though I had my sister in law (God bless her) and later my mother, waiting on me hand and foot. No one had to tell me to rest when - I developed pre-eclampsia after delivery of the baby; on top of that, (since I was being stubborn and refusing all pain meds), the pain from the c-s hit me hard about 2 weeks after delivery. I couldn't even get out of bed, I was in that much pain. Not to mention that I was breastfeeding and the baby was attached to my boobs 24-7 it felt like, and hated to be put down. So imagine with all these things, having to cook and feed another human being who has two hands and two feet and was supposed to be here to take care of me. I am sorry but that mother in law must go. Good bye! Of course, please be diplomatic because that is still your husband's mother and so on and so forth. But if she can't help you and is even asking you too cook on top of everything, then she must go. Unless you are not telling us the whole story, I do not see why this woman who is a former midwife is refusing to play her part.
You have said it all. My first pregnancy, I had what they call "baby blues". When I had my 2nd baby, I remember being so gingered up, the night I got home, I bathed baby with hubby, went to cook, I was all fired up until my health visitor came the next day and told me if I loved my life, I should rest. She asked if I had any help and I said my family lived 2 hours away. She was like I need help, I've just gone through childbirth and I cant afford to be doing stuff up and down else I'll breakdown. We got help from my church aunty who came over every single day to bath baby, cook for me, press my tummy and she'll tell me to go to sleep.
DeleteThat woman was everything and more.
All those insulting the poster should put themselves in her shoes. I'm sure if it were her mum, she would have spoken to her but that's her MIL and she can't out of respect. Obviously the woman knew why she was coming to the UK so why act different. Those saying she's old, daughters have their mums who are also old, come to perform the omugwuo thing so why should her be case different. Poster, if you need to talk to someone, please send me an email and your number. I know how difficult it is just after having a baby.
Oluyemisi, e tire me oo. Fellow mothers cussing her out! This is why I say we will continue to be our own enemies! Expecting her to be a super woman! I tried that after my 5th delivery, because I was 'in the abroad' I found myself in ER! Hubby was begging me to manage the little him and our kids could do until I get my strength...and no, I am not lazy, that even my MIL praises me whenever she comes to visit. So poster, don't let it get to you, simply endure until she goes. Do anything to have peace in your home.
DeleteGod bless you o. We have mid wives from hell in Naija o. I suspect MIL is one of them. Go to our hospitals especially the government ones and see how these so called care givers treat people. You will cry for patients you have never met before. They insult, blame and treat them like they are just bad bad children that should be dealt with and thrown aside. Frustrated demons!
DeleteP.s. I gave birth in "oyibo land" and my discharge physician was a white woman.
ReplyDeleteJust because you gave birth you can't cook again, what is wrong with you? People too dey overdo this omugo thing, e tire me. You are just lazy, u expect an elderly woman to be cooking for you while u sleep all in the name a new baby. Btw I have a baby maself but I dnt get what the big deal is, um also in the abroad just incase u think ure the only one.
ReplyDeleteAll MIL are not the same, all omugwo are also not the same. Poster, that's your mil, look for a way to manage the situation. There is nothing more you can do to be honest. You can't kick her out. That's your mil regardless. Dust your @ss and start cooking for the family. Let peace reign.
ReplyDeleteAll MIL are not the same, all omugwo are also not the same. Poster, that's your mil, look for a way to manage the situation. There is nothing more you can do to be honest. You can't kick her out. That's your mil regardless. Dust your @ss and start cooking for the family. Let peace reign.
ReplyDeletePoster you sound funny. You want to be waited on hand and foot cos you just had a baby? Better stick to stella's advice and learn to do things on your own. I will forever salute my elder sister. When she put to bed the first time my mum would only bathe the baby. My sister was doing every other thing even running a bath for my mum. With d second child my mum still did d same. I then told myself I would rather invite my mil who is younger than my mum. My mum is 64 so there's little she can do. Mama may be within that age range. Even at that pls learn to do things yourself you are not an invalid.
ReplyDeleteUr very stupid,go and ask questions on what ine Omugwo is really all about.with d current exchange rate do u think someone will pay so much to just have extra burden especially in d abroad.
DeleteAnnon 17:03 ur generation will remain stupid with fish brain like yours, so because of exchange rate the woman should turn into a slave? You have the effontry to come and menstruate under my comment? What do you even know about exchange rate?im sure you have never head a hundred dollar bill yet you are bleating like a mad goat that you are. Anuofia
DeleteHoney,
ReplyDeleteI am a mother...I understand your pain but sister, you are abroad. Here we do not expect anything from anyone. The deed is done, next time...prepare ahead of time. Get a caterer (I know money can be tight but research well ahead of time) to prepare food for a bit. This place is everyman for himself even when family dey.
Gbam!
DeleteYou are very right Anonymous 16:39. It is very unfortunate, but that is what living 'in the abroad' is. If the poster can afford it, order a pan of Jollof rice weekly put in the fridge, dish it for her to be microwaved. Moi moi same thing even soup sef. Bear my sister, by May, she will go.
Delete....my friend had a caterer make different meals for her which she stored in the freezer. It's so hard for some of us, everyone's working, no one has time to wait on you, really hard giving birth here. But what can you do, you find ways to make it work.
DeleteTo him much is given, much is expected. Poster must have contributed flight money and all that to bring MIL over, so definitely it is only fair to expect the omugwo services. I don't believe that poster is expecting too much from her inlaws. Or aren't they family again? They left her in the hospital for three days without checking on her and bringing her food. Is it easy to give birth? Poster your inlaws are selfish. Well now you've seen their true colours so you'd know how to handle them in future.
Deleteits not compulsory for any mother to come for omugwo, if they are old and cant assist in the first few weeks post partum. i trust my mama, at least she go carry pikin while i cook and do chores, my mother inlaw will come when i am stronger as i no fit fight abeg. honey where are you , pls come and i hope your mother is compassionate
ReplyDeleteAnother one sided story from a girl so full of herself. Since you mom was not allowed to come, you wore you combat uniform and now you are fighting the battles. Note girl, you might win the battle but not the war. Hope this war does not consume your marriage: Another chronicle in the making.
ReplyDeleteYou must be a man or you have the mind of a girl. Ask your Mum what she went through when she had you then come back and comment.
DeletePls how come ur bil and his wife, including ur mil are not good to u? Nah wah sha.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she wasn't a good in law herself, we never can tell but please! Nothing excuses the fact that even if you cannot help her, don't add to her burden. That's is just evil! The devil doesn't need to shown its face when some human beings are already there.
DeleteA wise woman once told me that when a child is involved, you forget enmity and help regardless.
DeleteAbegi 😕. Why do new moms expect so much from whoever does omugwo for them. I recently had my 👶 and my mom came as MIL is late. I couldn't allow my mom to do stuffs for me. I just couldn't take it. I wanted her to rest and just focus on my baby girl. During the midnight brouhaha I couldn't leave her alone. Please enough with all of these omugwo stories. Don't be surprised your mom can do the same. Would you have starved her? I feel like slapping you sef. If you had done well I am pretty sure she will do better too. You better don't play abroad things and go beg her. You will be a grandma too ooo. 😗
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine, you stopped cooking for her. 😮 O go gan sha. If you SIL does that to your mom, how would you feel? Wicked geh! It's your type that turn younger in-laws into your maids 🙎. Iranu! 👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋👋
Some women have guts sha.... You stopped cooking for her 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌👏👏👏👏👏👏
Wicked woman! You should slap yourself on the cheek. It's your type that will enslave your DILs, think she owes you for life because your super man son married her. She should compromise her and her child's well being to satisfy lazy MIL. We have elderly women still cooking and cleaning after themselves. These self entitled lazy wicked women who label other women lazy just because they cannot use them as they please. Ika! Ole! OLEEEEEEEEEE!!! Go to your daughter's house and enslave her there.
Delete
ReplyDelete#IrepAfrica
ReplyDelete#IrepAfrica
ReplyDelete#IrepAfrica
I'm not understanding all these 'holy wejes' here.. Key word here is OMUGWO. Her mom had a valid visa(she only needed her return tickets). Secondly, her son was jobless at the time they needed to prepare for the arrival of their bundle of joy(meaning na the girl money them they live on), finally, mother in law's coming was more expensive at the said time but she overlooked all of that and accepted the decision just for peace to reign. Then Mama came and decides she has some kind of entitlement 'cos na her son house'. Keyword still remains OMUGWO O! Why would a ''mother" want to put someone else's daughter through all of that so she could boast of 'going on a vacation abroad' when in the real sense of it it's supposed to be an OMUGWO? Cos from my point of view, she never really wanted to do or be a part of the OMUGWO.If na her daughter, she go treat am that way? Abeg Abeg... Make una fear God o!
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ReplyDelete#IrepAfrica
Reading some of the comments here left me speechless! Do many of you know what is omugwo? Simply defined as looking after the mother and baby! It entails bathing the baby, massaging the mother'said body with hot water and yes, cooking for the family!
ReplyDeleteLiving abroad one is forced to do all that by themselves if no one comes for omugwo, simply because they have no choice!
Her own mother will not do what her MIL did to her! That is the blunt truth! She will cook for her own daughter. Any woman that has given birth here, let us be truthful to this poster, because after giving birth, we need all the help we can get especially for the first to two months until we have a routine.
Some women will not allow someone else to cook for them in their kitchen, maybe the person is not a good cook, or wasteful or don't keep the kitchen neat or they dont trust the person spiritually or they don't want the person to know how much spent in cooking. So,they rather cook while the MIL takes care of the baby.
But living 'in the abroad', it is different. Food stuff is bought in bulk and refrigerated. So her MIL Could have been cooking for both of them! I cooked for my SIL and even packed her dishes, whenever I go visiting after she delivered.
Poster, your BIL and wife living next door don't come in to help out sometimes? Do you have a good rapport with them or not? Nevertheless, this is your cross, which you have to carry. Since, she is going by May, put on your cloak of patience and endurance. Prepare simple meals and leave it on the dinner table for her. For example, if it is tea or cereal for breakfast, put it on a tray. Cover it for her on the table, go into your room. Lunch, spaghetti or rice, leave it on the table. Dinner, wheat with any soup, leave it on the table...and NO! You don't ask her what she will eat simply give her what you have at home and same thing you eat! The days your husband comes back, cook your soup and stew in bulk, share into bowls and refrigerate. At least it will take you for 2 weeks. Ekpele. Take care of your health well. Best of luck.
Nitty gritty I tire for these BVs supporting the inconsiderate and selfish MIL. The poor poster would be wishing she saved that money
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ReplyDelete#IrepAfrica
Poster, pls assume she's your mother and treat her that way.
ReplyDeleteNothing wrong for you to ask her "what are we eating" and you cook it.
Don't expect too much from people, not even your husband. Do your best.
I have 3kids in US without any omugwo bcos of the finance and stress in visa application.
See me nau, I never die oooo
Don't you ask your lazy husband what he want to eat? How much help does hubby render in terms of domestic chores?
You have a baby and you are healthy?
Madam, rearrange your mindset and cool down ooo
This story reminds me of someone.
ReplyDeleteI just dey laugh.she twisted the story but I can decode for Africa.this girl is plain lazy and stupid.she cant even do anything absolutely nothing.
Women! Women, why art thou wicked to your own kind? Some people are very thoughtless sha. Maybe because God favored you to be strong with pregnancy, do you not realize that grace is not granted to every woman. This is pregnancy, many women do not survive it. Some develop complications they have to manage throughout their lives if it doesn't kill them. In my opinion, that MIL is wicked. She would not do that to her own daughter. Let's even say maybe she is old, jet lagged as some people suggested, then she should not complain if her DIL who just put to bed did not cook for her. People, fear God ooo and stop your hypocrisy. Dont let God judge you harshly.
ReplyDeletePoster, I feel for you o. It was a mistake for MIL to come instead of your own mother. And you will have to bear the consequences of having a terrible MIL. Let her go and spew rubbish when she gets home. Anyone with human feelings should be able to deduce the insensitivity of your MIL and those who judge you can continue to sow their own bitter seed. What goes around comes around. Face your life and your husband hopefully he is sensible and wise.
To avoid trouble entirely, you may need to display some sense, pretend you are not feeling fine at all, even get fake bed rest advice from doctor. If she cannot help you, why should she now be a burden to you? Some people are really wicked oooooo. Women, look very well b4 u leap. Don't marry men with wicked thoughtless family unless you are prepared to be treated like a slave.
Some MILs can be wicked if not what is on ground i would have love to ask for the tribe in Africa... But come to think of it, If she had not love her why allow the son to marry her... Omugwuo is the best that can be done to welcome A seed from your own seed. this is not Africa i bet you... the MIL needs to see a Psych...
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I'm surprised that even people who live abroad are supporting the MIL. Would a 65 year old woman in the western world visit you and expect to be served? Why did the MIL visit. It isn't a courtesy visit . It is Omugwo. I live abroad and after the birth of my kids I was told not to exert myself. The new mum neds to heal too and the least that could happen is allow her take care of her kids alone. Why would the MIL expect to be served. There is just too much expectation from the African woman. The abroad you are talking about , would the MIL do same if her daughter unlaw was oyibo. The poster isn't expecting any more than wa expected from Omugwo. The husband even justified his mother coming by saying she was a midwife. seriously, it's unfair for a new mum to talk on added responsibility. I took care of my newborns all by myself. It was tough but rewarding and I do not see anyway, I could have taken on the extra chore of asking someone what she will eat. The MIL should go home .
ReplyDeleteIn the part of the western world I am in, I have seen their people do their own form of omugwo, but they can only stay for about 2 weeks because they have to go back to work. Some can't do it, but if they are nearby they visit everyday. So what stops a Nigerian Grandma from helping out? I no just understand
DeleteThese people will kill you ooooo. Poster, this woman must go or let her go and stay with the other in law next door if she belongs to one of them. Whatever! It cannot cause any fight if you use wisdom. Her son no dey around till Thursday, please find some place u need to go and stay for like a month to take care of yourself. If nobody else wants mama around, then she will have to move her date up. Mama wey UK cold nor fit kill die, wey get strength to cook for herself alone but nor care whether her son wife and pikin dey alright or not. This woman heart wicked. Mama as we age, we suppose fear God more. Even if this girl offend you before, think of your grandchild na. Abi if na so your own mother in law do you, you no suppose take vengeance on some poor girl. Women, be kind to one another now. It won't kill you at all to be nice. You now went to report to your son so that your son can throw her out abi? As an elderly woman, what stops you from having a discussion with your DIL where you can both come to an understanding. This jungle African mentality is just soooooooo disturbing. See how BVS including Stella herself was displaying such insensitivity. Shior!
ReplyDeleteI was going to send in something similar, I think it depends on the MILs mindset, or the person with my first child my MIL came for a while and she would pump me with food and pap she enjoyed cooking or at least she was always willing to do it though hubby also stepped in when he could she did not stay Long though just 2 weeks.now with my second it's my mum and I realise she is not a great fan of cooking,infact I could see why my hubby and I had issues early in our marriage our mums have totally different attitude towards food !! but cos it's my mum I just made her realise I would try make soups but all ds turning swallow every meal I "Kent" now I have a very active toddler plus baby. Obviously if I am cooking would cook for everyone but sometimes I don't want to cook. My baby is 2weeks now and I am stronger so cooking more but I know if she did same for my sis in law they Wld say she is evil! So Aunty poster use wisdom, cook bulk soup let her know soup dey o, I know you don't want to spend all d time in the kitchen deliberately leave baby with her while you make something quickly and on days you don't wanna cook just ask "mummy what shall we eat ?"
ReplyDeleteWomen are their number one enemy and I wonder how they can be so insensitive. Let me first say you made a mistake by allowing your MIL come over at that point. No two pregnant women are the same and women react differently during and immediately after pregnancy. It takes a lot of care and support from family members to help them get their acts back. So don't ever call a woman in a state of pregnancy or just delivered names. Most times their hormones,state of mind and fears make them act in funny ways they can't help. Back to the issue.... if your mum had come she would have been carrying,accommodating and whatever annoying thing you do would be easily forgotten or forgiven. And with your mom you can make all sorts of requests and act freely but MIL will not be so accommodating and understanding. My advice is just manage the situation until she leaves and don't invite her over again either for holidays or to help out after child birth.
ReplyDeleteAll of u advicing her to be angry, oya poster, get angry and bounce ur mother in law,move her ticket to next week nau, and u might as well get ready for war in ur marriage, u think London is too far for witchcraft or a bad Belle mother in law to poison her son's mind against u. It's obvious ur mother in law is being mean to u,but even the Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath. Stooping to conquer doesn't make u a fool okay. I still stand by my advice. Get rid of ur expectations, and sense of entitlement and do the best u can with that woman, if she refuses to change, hand her matter over to God and watch him send a blast upon her that would chase her back to Nigeria sharperly. Don't start a war u can't finish.
ReplyDeleteNne remove that sense of "entitlement" from ur speech,she wasn't expecting anything that she ought not to expect
DeletePoster follow Stella's advice. I don't have anything to add. May the good lord help you.
ReplyDeletePoster abeg don't mind all this people doing follow follow because Stella said so.
ReplyDeletePlease have a baby first, then that day pound yam and egusi soup for the whole street, including the oyinbos, massage and wash mamas feet, then shag your husband silly as super woman that you is.
Child birth isn't easy I tell you. My mum did everything for me, my husband knows better than to suggest to me that his mother comes. No problem I will serve her, but he will be the one that will suffer my wrath in that house.
I don't even expect the mama to cook for me, cos only me or my mother can cook the food I eat. I don't trust others cooking.
But I expect she should bath the baby. As a first time mother, bathing baby no easy o. They will be moving all over the place. Someone needs to teach you for 1week atleast.
So mama can't even help you with baby when you are doing chores nawa o.
I don't expect her to serve you, but she ought to be able to help you with her own grand child.
But poster for the sake of your marriage. Please take a weekend out, send your husband to buy all ingredients. Cook different soup that can last you for long. Each day bring one out, coke rice or eBa and call mama to eat. Form gist with her so she don't give you names. After that please go your way and do your chores. Having it in mind that that mum Inlaw will never come for omugwo again.
Please cook for her and try and be nice, stomach everything to keep your home. Knowing this is the last time she will smell anything omugwo from your side.
Don't be rude to her. Just try your best and convince your hubby to move her date to March.
This Doopleganger is too harsh. You don marry talk less of giving birth. Everything no be black and white. Yes the poster has self entitlement. But the mama also not good. Why can't she help take help take care of her grand child.
ReplyDeleteGive birth first and see if you won't need help. Especially your first baby you don't know right from left.
I give it to you that some mother in laws are wicked. They cannot treat their own daughter that way. She knows what she is doing.
The MIL didn't do well and the dil had no right to starve her. Kilode! Plus how are we sure your story is complete? Respect your elders no matter what
DeleteMy God!!! I came really late for this.
ReplyDeleteThis whole gathering of backward thinking fellows crawling outta caves to bash this poster...SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!
How dare you use your experience or silly adjustments most aimed to please and tolerate as a yardstick to judge and insult this woman?
Many of you better take it easy with the herd mentality... it is beyond nauseating. It is terribly low, pray you do not find yourself in situations where you have such minimal control over situations especially with health and mental wellbeing.
Now that aside, poster, you blundered big time allowing your hubby cajole you into bringing his mum over for a vacation... don't get it twisted doll, your hubby gave her the impression she is coming abroad to vacay, be served and spend some time with him. His attitude and hers proves everything. You were used to make that dream come true, your needs were not paramount hence your glaring misplacced expectations.
You have every reason to feel the way you do. Birthing a child especially the first time is draining and the experience differs.
Do not let yourself feel rattled,pressured or shamed by the disgusting bunch of pathetic filth in here who have called you names, and compared their experience to validate their fragile achievement of juggling it all like superwomen. It is not a competition at all, they really do not know better.
As it is, the "first impression" has been created, and attempting to correct it as Stella suggested might do little at this point. Your health, mental state and your child is most important. Do not attempt to change her return date, except your hubby is in on it...but then, it's glaring you two do not have a proper understanding and communication between yourselves. I really do not know if you have opened up to your hubby at all about your situation. Let him know how broken you feel, relay some expectations you had, you could liase with your health provider to call you two for a counselling section as well. That place you reside should have programmes like that. If your hubby is sensible, he will talk to his mum in a mature manner and improvements might come in.
Now, you need to work on your mind.Take away your remote of happiness from the hands of your inlaws. You are on your own from now on.
Your MIL is all there, gathering dirts on you,monitoring you, seeking to distort facts and you are making it so easy coz you are upset, disappointed and feel kinda used.
From now onwards, choose to be happy! Just keep telling yourself that. Try to declutter your mind from those crazy thoughts you have. Declutter your home as well. Make the essential utensils you need available and within reach, cook different dishes as you can and wish and store in your fridge. Serve her as well,let it be on record that you offered food and she refused instead of none at all...it is being hospitable. Greet her, ask about her sleep even if you get no response. Major domestic decisions like what would she like to eat or baseless chats, don't try it. Clean your home in segments, the less used areas can be cleaned on alternate days.
Listen to calming music, headphone and good music can give you an impression of being in another world. Read up puerperal blues and how women coped. If you can afford help, get one.
Stop looking at her face as well for her approving and disapproving expressions
Put on your best poker face, blank and devoid of expression with unseeing eyes. Practise in the mirror, she will be worn out quickly. Practice selective hearing, all that coughing, sighing, murmurs emanating from different corners of your home...you refuse to hear them. Do your bit, face your baby and take care of you. Put her in prayers as well. Get your hubby more involved and visit your parents as they are close more often.
This period will soon be over. You are just another victim of a silly underachieving Nigerian MIL with an Alpha and Omega complex. Turn the tables around and do you.
It is well with you.
Na cows full this blog, anything wey stella talk na final.
ReplyDeleteNext time do not let your mother in-law to come, make sure is your mum, if not your mum just tell your husband you can do it alone to save yourself all the drama.
ReplyDeleteWell your mil is around already, all you need to do is to try and manage the situation, ignore, show her some love, do not expect anything from her, apologize to her now and start asking her what she will want to eat, all the stress will end in may, before you know it is may already, just manage anyhow and do your work within thinking you have someone in the house.
Ignore her and pretend all is well. Some inlaws are naturally wicked. That is why I don't allow them to come in the name of helping out. Let them come, enjoy and go. Next time bring your blood relatives.
ReplyDeleteStella said it all. You have to humble yourself my dear. Yes. Because this experience will hunt you for the rest of your marriage. Please retrace your steps and treat her well. It is not easy but just do it. Your husband will value you even more.
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