STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ENGAGED TO A FINANCIALLY BROKEN MAN
All protocol observed. Stella please I want to remain anonymous please.
My fiance of 10 years is annoyingly broke and I don't know what to do whether to continue the relationship or to leave.
At the beginning of our relationship, he was very comfortable and can afford any thing he wants without blinking but since 2013 things began to deteriorate and he lost his job and every Investment he had, he even sold his lands just to feed but things get worse ....
He is just an OND holder without certificate cos money to do clearance sef Na wahala, so to get jobs is really hard for him and the driver jobs we agreed on is not forthcoming either, I have tried on several occasions to hook him with different driver jobs available on this blog but it's not forthcoming and the ones he was called for interview ask for some license that he can't afford the money.
I have given him money on different occasions to do those license but one end up being fake and the other guy duped him on the second occasion. (Abi him village People dey on top him matter ni, cos I don tire walayii)
I have an average paying job which I use the salary to settle my bills and pay my part time school fees too. The issue now is I cannot count how many times he had borrowed money from me which I have to let go cos there is no means for him to return them, God knows I have always stood by him through out this storm. But there is no sign of breakthrough anywhere and time is ticking cos by next year he will be 40....
Is this how things gonna be even if we end up marrying and I end up providing for the family which I really pray against. At this junction I am tired, confused, frustrated cos I have prayed, fast and cried to God for solution and nothing is forthcoming.
he keeps asking for money to sort any matter that involve money and it saddens my heart cos I keep thinking when this will end. I want a husband that can fend for himself and his family, I know I will have to help my husband in some aspects but not like this.
Should I continue to pray for better days to come or should I opt out. Stella please your advice will be appreciated.
Thanks!
Should I continue to pray for better days to come or should I opt out. Stella please your advice will be appreciated.
Thanks!
*The decision to stay or leave lies with you..Its just a pity that after 10 years..this is how this guy ended up....I just wonder,were you ever in love with him?...Incase you have made up your mind to leave why,dont you do something that might make his life meaningful?Help him get the drivers license and do it yourself or get someone who will not scam the money off you.
I cannot imagine being with a broke man but i feel so sorry for the man you described up there....
What about going for prayers?He might be going thru a man made storm,why dont you call on the name of JESUS?He shows up even at the last hour.
Give your man one last chance to stand up before you dump him please.
10 years is a long time and he will be so broken when you leave.
However the decision to stay or leave lies with you,i have only advised in the best way I can.
Make I read chronicle today, ayam coming.
ReplyDeleteQueen Linda boss, I'm waiting for your advice because you are good in this area..lol...come and give her advice wey go work...
DeleteI'm too 'flabbergasted' to type...lmao...
All I can say is that you saw him that way for 10years and you never bothered to encourage him to get his certificate cos he had money then, now he doesn't have, you want to leave him....smh for you...so you wasted 10years for nothing,.. Sure you were 20 or so when you met him...
My advice for you is to stick with him, things might turn around for good....
een Linda boss, I'm waiting for your advice because you are good in this area..lol...come and give her advice wey go work...
DeleteI'm too 'flabbergasted' to type...lmao...
All I can say is that you saw him that way for 10years and you never bothered to encourage him to get his certificate cos he had money then, now he doesn't have, you want to leave him....smh for you...so you wasted 10years for nothing,.. Sure you were 20 or so when you met him...
My advice for you is to stick with him, things might turn around for good....
Love made me....
10 years? I no fit abeg
DeletePoster at least he was doing well before. Now he's having problems you're getting frustrated.anyways in sure his problems are spiritual. He needs to seek out help. Don't you know where to go to help him? He was probably chained up somewhere spriritually and he needs your help at this time
ReplyDeletePG18
DeleteGod is working in his life, God wants you out so he can met a better person. When money they u were with him, now money no dey u wan run.if u wer with him when e was broke and now have money, then wants to leave you. You for stil come here come cry. Women most always be women(wicked)
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN
That guy needs serious deliverance.... The babe might be d problem he's facing some partners are bad luck.......in QUEENS voice - Her spiritual husband might be dealing with him 😂😂😂😂😃 truth is bitter but we all need spiritual backup to succeed I life! Dangote can never and will never come out to tell his secret....
DeleteI don't agree abeg. The guy is his own bad luck. There were 7 years of plenty when he didn't marry her. Things only started going bad in 2013. What stopped him from marrying her all that time? He wanted to waste her time while still free to mingle. If a man wants to wife a woman, he doesn't take 7years to make up his mind. Madam this is your que to bounce abeg! I am not god o, but you may have just wasted 10 years of your life!
DeletePoster,you are the problem of this guy!...
ReplyDeleteYou are a badluck to him!,..
Please free his financial life by breakIng up with him...
You need a serious deliverance!...
Your ogbanje and marine husband has ruined him financially!...
Chai Linda who do you like this?
DeleteObara Jesus mere gi Ebere
How can one person be this senseless???????
DeleteLmao....mama niyen... I trust you....dropping it as e hot...
DeleteLove made me...
Ooooh queen I just reply a comment up there before reading urs mehnnnn we think so much alike. See if this babe dump dis guy without helping him to seek spiritual help the guy will blow a year after. This is not any village people at work , this is a case of a spiritual husband. IT will do anything to 4strate u out of the relationship. Babe go for deliverance or quit the relationship. Imagine 10 year of setback .
DeleteQueen and boss you say things without mincing word. It might come out hurting one's feeling but it is the truth.
DeleteOr poster maybe its your spirit husband disturbing him sef. Check yourself too spiritually
ReplyDeleteChai, you too?? What is spirit husband? What happened the other years she was with her? The spirit husband never marry her? Yimu!
DeleteVery common among women......
DeleteMarriage without finance is...........hell!
ReplyDeleteIf you say he is 40, am guessing you will be around 30+
My dear, stand by him but begin to shine your eye for someone else.
You cannot wait forever....remember age is not your friend
Na so e be
DeletePls invest small cash in ponzi scheme for him so he can stand-on his feet again. But gamble smart.
DeleteFiancé of 10 years? Me I am not understanding ooo.
ReplyDeleteOh! You dunno if you should leave or not.... Is the D that sweet?
See see see. Lemme be totally honest with you. You are the cause of his problem. Yes you! Your stars Dont match and you are forcing it. Wetin na? See how you turn a comfortable man into a begger. Sister biko leave him o let small breeze of success come his way...
Stay far away! Letz see if by this time next year he won't be back on his feet.
Go for deliverance!
Lmao @ is the D that sweet....I wonder tooo
DeleteLove made me
Wow BLUNT my instincts don't lie , babe need deliverance ASAP
DeleteThank You jare
DeleteTake money, buy things and visit an orphanage home together. I believe in the prayers of the innocent children.
ReplyDeleteWith faith things will begin to turn around for good.
You right gift to the orphns always open doors but That should be after deliverance....
DeleteLet your angel locate you
ReplyDeleteYou feel that part too?😀😀😀😀😀
Deleteah dhey vex with you poster..i feel for the guy...leave am na..shey thats what you want abi...you never loved him for his person...i pray he stands back to his feet...you might marry someone rich...some years into the marriage things might turn bad...so what u gonna do?dump your husband then?.......if you have the money now....assist him...if you cant leave the man....
ReplyDeleteAt this JUNCTURE, you do not know the JUNCTION you are standing in.
ReplyDeleteYou told us how you "fasted and prayed" but you did not tell us about opening legs and possibly killing in your womb (or are you infertile?)
God says that he "hates hands that shed innocent blood" Proverbs 6:16-17, so when someone does abort or encourages another to do so, the Lord will be the one to destroy the works of their hands.
"Dumping him" is not the solution; repentance and humbling yourselves in fasting is the solution. It is called "mourning".
The Lord will help you.
God punish u
DeleteOshi nini?
DeleteFuck & adanne, I don abort before? Why the truth pain u so?
DeleteTen good years has passed
ReplyDeleteSister you guys are good as married already... where you wan go again?
He should go for deliverance cos something is wrong somewhere and it's About time you find out what exactly is the real problem
It will be well
You guys should have faith
I stand with Stella poster. Just follow her advise.
ReplyDeleteSee how Nigerians are just talking nonsense. Marine spirit, ogbanje, bad luck, killing of baby in womb.. our society is so dull. I'm tired Abeggi. All this nonses you people mention people abroad Phobos and the likes go through issues too and they have same ogbanje issue??? Poster forget job. Save money let him start business. I
DeleteEleyi gidi goor (this one is strong)
ReplyDeleteMy Yoruba BVs I hope the spelling is correct.
Listen to Doppelganger's advice.
Gidi gan o
DeleteYou try small 'ELEYI GIDI GAN' 10 years!!! Poster follow your heart but remember that no condition is permanent...waiting for Doppel
DeleteHmmm this one is a very serious matter. You only said I had prayed and fasted. I didn't see where you used the word we. Take him along when visiting the church for prayer and if he is not willing to seek for solutions with you then leave but till then don't go yet. Only God can do this.
ReplyDeleteThis is the color of most women; date and marry him if he is "doing well or rich", dump him if he is "broke".
ReplyDeleteNo one wants to labor to build.
And that is why those "rich men" they marry end up treating them like property and not humans talk less of wives.
Dump him and go and marry Bill Gates.
I am trying to build and grow with my man, I support him financially, physically and emotional but he still treats me like a piece of shit.
DeleteWhat do men want? U help them Na problem u don't Na still problem.
Jumoke are you single?
DeleteJumoke it's still your fault...ur esteem is being taken on...if you really wanna make him respect you.the have a higher self-esteem
DeleteBut waitoooo!
ReplyDeleteAre you sure that you are not the cause of his problems?
All of you blaming her for his problems are just unfriendly friends. I thought we are one family on this blog but these kind of comments are unfair and make me think otherwise. That man is a wicked man and its his own karma that is now catching him. She said he was doing well up until 2013. He had lands and property. He engaged a woman like us for 7years and was yet to marry her. Why? Just to waste her time ba? These last 3years she has stood by him and y'all are still insulting her! When will enough be enough? Please let's be mindful of the kind of advice we give.. These are real people with problems looking for solution. Let's not add to their problems. Thanks Stella
DeleteSo when you marry the "rich man" and he gets broke in this recession, you will play away matches and dump bastards for him?
ReplyDeleteSorry to say it seems ur man has problem with his result if not why dont you use the money he has been waisting on lience to go use it to do his clearance and collect his result.pls look for someone else,he looks like one that is not focus.thank God you both are not yet married. But how come ur eggs have been in just one basket for 10years.anyway you knows best.
ReplyDeleteWhat if you leave and things get better for him? ,what if you stay and things gets worse than they already are? . Have a heart to heart talk with him, tell him you are not ready to shoulder family responsibilities alone, where are his friends, family extended and immediate he should ask for help. No body is too old to learn a skill,so he should learn a handiwork, anything to bring to the table.
ReplyDeleteLady, it appears that the person that has a problem is you.
ReplyDeleteYou are greedy and unfaithful; very untrustworthy.
This man has always provided and supported you but due to the crisis he is going through that is not his making, you are freaking out?
By the way, look inwards and see if both of you joined hands to kill an innocent child in your womb.
Oh my God old shut up. Unfaithful how. Greets how? From 2013 till now is how many yrs. Do u know how many people have killed babies and nothing do them old shut up ah.
DeleteIf you still believe in him, go to Deeper Life in Epe where they have prayers every Wednesday after which he can seek for counseling from the pastors there. Next week Friday 24th is night vigil
ReplyDeleteNd he is 40,nd you are? Smh,help him,this one is spiritual.
ReplyDeleteAfter ten years of courtship you want to leave him now and start from the crash with someone else that is if you have toasters sef,just stick with him,pray and I believe things will get better for you guys inshallah.
ReplyDeleteScrash. Don't tnk me
DeleteBuahahahahahahaha!
DeleteUna no go kee person for this blog oh
Otondo anonymous, corrector must be the worse!
It's *scratch* ok?
Thank me now.
Ouch! Please it's scratch. Thank me pls.
DeleteScratch. Thank me next year!
DeleteLol
Scratch, don't thank me, two of you
Delete@glow 'must be worse' not 'must be the worse'
DeleteAll I see is ur fiancé of 10 years. Wow wow wow wow wow wow u mean 2007 - 2017 (10 years)? Hmmmmmm dear poster u deserve an award. Una 1st pikin for don dey JSS 1 by now. keep fornication its well... How old are u btw? U seem to have d whole time in ur hands...
ReplyDeleteCarry your bad luck and go so he can prosper pleasw
ReplyDeleteThis one is hard.. if there is a mouth to pray then there is a God to answer
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmm,poster honestly I pity you, poverty can even brake a home if there is continuous lack and want. You are fed up already just wanted a second opinion. I don't even know what to tell you, if you have option please leave him to sort himself out. Sometimes men's dishonesty don't want me to encourage us women to suffer with them. Follow whatnis ringing ear and what singing in your mind.
ReplyDeleteOn point!
DeleteLack of money in marriage is the major cause of frustration, depression, cheating, domestic violence and all the vices of an unhappy home.
There is no hanging in there out of pity, it's time to go back to the drawing board. Find someone else. Your financial stars are not compatible.
But then again, you fit leave am, guy go hammer. Maybe the problem is you sef! Since he was doing so well prior.
God is up there! Talk to him and ask for direction.
Una go de alright,
10yrs fiance!?!?!Chisos!!! Abeg leave the guy jor make him look for him destiny, are you sure you're not the one with hard lick hinder the guy? Inukwa 10 solid yrs on been with a man.
ReplyDeleteAnd did you say he ll be 40 next yr? I give up already
Thanks everyone that wished me well for the exam. Meeeh no be small thing oooh, can't wait to see the result... I must go obodo oyibo.
ReplyDeleteEhe e get one yellow pawpaw wey dey look me for exam hall wey I suspect say na bv, abeg no be my real face you see ooh
Once again thank you all
Miss Aboki am a good jonser but no be this time
Which bv dey for C cos am coming
Success is yours hun!
DeleteYou wan enter Cana?
Correct babe!
It will be successful dear.
Wishing you the very best.
OK ma, we don hear, just quietly go no need to loud it.
DeleteI'm not hating.
Amen @ Boogie.... Claims it.
DeleteAdanne you are hating, please don't take life too seriously.
You know whether na calabar I dey go
I totally agree with Stella on this one..give him one last chance..let him go for deliverance, there's nothing difficult for God to do & you should both do midnight(1-3am) prayers & back it up with fasting. May God break every yoke if poverty in his life
ReplyDeleteIt's possible it's your spirit husband that is dealing with him.
ReplyDeleteBabe you are very strong ,its not easy at all fending for a man cos some days he will feel less of a man and get mad at you for nothing.Getting a menial job won't solve the problem.Will that sustain the family on the long run??
ReplyDeletePlease give him money for clearance, he needs to get his OND certificate.Most companies especially banks employ OND certificate holders.He can save up and further his education or set up a business.
All will be well by Gods grace,I don't know you but I sense you are a good woman.May God Bless your good heart.
Pls don't leave him...He might do something terrible to himself if you do.Now is the time to show if you truly love him or not.This is only but a phrase,it will pass soon just be prayerful and make him go for deliverance.It's well with you two.
ReplyDeleteIt is well.
ReplyDeleteBut you know it is not well...hahhahaha
DeleteDon't knw what to say am just gonna read comments.
ReplyDeleteWithout Mincing words, this is the best advice i av seen so far from Stella!
ReplyDeleteSo he had mad money before and didn't do clearance
ReplyDeleteAll that money and he doesn't know how to go about with a drivers license
I don't see village people here, I see someone that hammered and didn't plan
The choice lies with you
Hmmmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteI will soon stop coming to this blog. I have noticed many Nigerians here are backwards. Everybody is blaming d poster calling her bad luck. Mchew.
DeleteStella just said my mind, give him one last chance, who knows things may get better.
ReplyDeleteMadam you said he was fine but lost everything! How? What was the nature of his business when he was comfortable ??? Lol! You did not know he had just OND when the going was good but now you can see clearly.
ReplyDeleteWell your fiancee is lazy cause we have lots of menial jobs available in Nigeria that he will get easily. He can be a loader for companies amongst others. That said you are equally not in love with him and you sound very desperate. Kindly leave him alone quietly let him focus on his future the clean way.
Fair weather girlfriend you want us to tell you to leave him,are you sure you are not the problem of this your guy
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm...
ReplyDeleteHmmm, i'm kind of inclined to agree with Stella though she is being excessively empathetic with the man, but this is your chronicle and your best interest is what matters here.
ReplyDeleteInitially doing well and losing all like that could suggest his village people are on his case or a force might be screwing him up on your account so he won't be your husband... i'm trying to avoid that term "spiritual husband" or he just wasn't financially smart enough, possibly made surface investments and hurtful financial decisions and probably did not diversify and evolve with business trends thus falling out from comfort like you described.
Now, you are a really good woman trying to stand with your man and all, and i know you have reached this crossroad confused.
Somehere in your head, your hope has waned, you frankly are on the verge of giving up, the years wasted are not funny and yet you do not want to be the woman who left your man when he seemed crushed. You wonder if leaving him would make you seem mean and selfish, and ponder at how society with it's skewed assessment of wife material potential will ponder your case without knowing the contributions and draining efforts you have made all these years. You have absolutely every reason to have these questions and please do not feel guilty about the seemingly selfish thoughts you might have nursed throughout the course of this relationship... it is human to seek self-preservation, especially for an institution, marriage that would require almost 3/4th of your life inside of it.
I believe you are trying to inch towards the spiritual but please think only spiritual when common sense is exhausted.
I don't know what that man did earlier to make his money, i read about his efforts to get a job, but all that struck is that your guy man is not a hustler at all.
The job-seeking efforts are narrow and stereotyped. Why must it revolve around white collar job, driving jobs and his OND certificate? I mean all these years, he couldn't acquire a skill that could fetch some money for him. Many graduates are learning pipe line installation, welding, car-repair, hair styling, drycleaning even car wash or something blue collared or hand involved. Brother man just sat there seeking jobs he thinks suits his level of education, collecting money from you and complaing about his life. Are you sure you are not just hanging around a man with severe mental laziness with an entitled mindset who cannot pick himself up when he falls?
What efforts has he made to seek solution to his problems even if we want to wax spiritual? You are not his messiah and you shouldn't be so desperate to prove much to be married. You can't keep spoon-feeding a man close to 40, for what now?
Help him do the drivers license thingy, watch his committment to the job if he gets it...this is me trying to be a bit of politically correct. If had a sister in your situation, i won't though... i would advise you sort yourself out first, take a break from the relationship, go and seek God, find out what the problem is and work it out. At 40, he isn't married, no kids yet and dead broke with minimal effort...he is not a practical husband potential.
You cannot do this whole patching, breadwinning and hoping for long. So encourage him to hustle, stop giving money to him up and down, you are encouraging laziness. Talk to him about taking a mutual break. Let him be forced to sit up and seek help for whatever is wrong with him. Leave your options open, this excessive loyalty and sticking to a boyfriend will burn you. If that man is smart, he will be grateful for your efforts and seek to be better for himself and you. Yes, you might be termed selfish, but at least you will not be slowed down again and might actually live the life you desire. 10 years girl, you have tried...let this ship have a direction or sink!
Ma dear u v a point. It mustnt b white collar job. D guy should go learn a skill n b dedicated in d things of God.Its high tym d babe started luking out 4 herself, though not ending d r/ship, but thinking more of herself .
Deletewhere is the like button,i am in a similar situation, only difference is that we are married,my guy only wants white collar jobs and is totally dependent on me for the past 9 yrs.many people won't understand how the poster feels n what she's going through,i tell you most people here won't tolerate this guy for more than a year.it is very difficult to manage a man who is mentally lazy,if u marry him he's not going to change,if luck shines on him he might get a white collar job,but there's a big difference BTW a hustler and non hustler,.its ur call poster.
Deletethis one na 'one chance'.
ReplyDelete40 and broke? What a piri
ReplyDeleteI think you should break it off with him. Who knows, you might be his problem.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious though, so without u, he won't survive? Continue spoon feeding him .
No one has it easy anywhere.
You will be so shocked that the moment you leave him,God will.make him so wealthy. That's the mystery of life.
ReplyDeleteNo bi small thing. U don over try. Its frustrating.pls leave d guy alone
ReplyDeleteAbeg poster na ur spiritual husband dey disturb dat dude, if you doubt me, free him 4 like 5,6 months n watch him bounce back
ReplyDeleteI feel for this man
ReplyDeleteLates azume e wos yhua horseband.... Yhu marryed im wen e wos up an doin whale bet tinx fleeped ofa on the way.
ReplyDeleteWool yhu diforse im?
Mai sista, prey for im an kip epping im.
may God blase yhua yhunion.
Pliz iff yhu aff a jop todey... Henshur toe aff a plan B. Open a biznez or chum-chin jos hinkess
#mai 2saint.
😐😐😐😐😐😐
ReplyDeleteMenhh...this one na real wah. I know know wetin to talk self.
ReplyDeleteMake i follow read comments.
But what is the point of being engaged to a man for 10 years????
ReplyDeleteReminds me of toke makinwa 😑😑😑
DeleteShe's at the point of collecting pension, but no money in his account to pay.
DeleteMehn! Joblessness is the worst experience especially for a matured man. I remember some years I was in such predicament but I made a vow with God, I went into solid convenant with the Almighty God and I was sustained for a period of 5jobless years.
ReplyDeleteTell your man to draw closer to his creator and sow a seed of faith, it can be a seed with money, his time/devotion, winning souls for Christ, his most valuable property...Let him do this and watch God bring down His Grace from on high and saturate his needs.
I'm a testimony!
#DontQuoteMe
A broke man is a broken man truly.
DeletePoster pls give Elastic's advice a serious thought.
Elastic, big E-hugs
It could also be a seed of sacrifice with his body,to offer it to God and stop defiling it.
DeleteNice advice.
Thats if the guy is ready to draw close to God(IF). Cos this issue needs a drastic change for breakthrough. But if the guy is not ready to seek the face of God hmmmm then it is well with you.
DeleteNa you spiritual husband they cause am. Please leave him
ReplyDeleteMadam if u want this man and u want to help him rise up there re things u will do n find out to what happened to him...I don't advise u leaving somebody dat was rich before and gone broke...cos they will eventually rise up and u will bite ur fingers...Go and look for who to ask to know what happened to his source of wealth...They there they complain
ReplyDeleteThis is a big one
ReplyDeletePrayer is the key dear
If you really love this guy then take your problem to God in prayer
May you find answers.
Sadly I think I am in s relationship similar to this.my guy is broke. Has no job or Savings.
ReplyDeleteI tire but I love him.
He is almost 40 too.
How long can I do this?
I want to break up
Just keep encouraging him, you never can tell when God will answer his call once again.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm! Things dey happen.
ReplyDeleteLong live SDK
The choice is yours to make. I think you shouldn't end it, at least not just yet. Give it some time. I'm sure he didn't plan to fail, life simply happened. The winds of change devastated him financially.you didn't state your age, but if he's 40, you should be 35-39.
ReplyDeleteDon't leave him. You have been with him for ten years for a reason. Don't lose sight of tht now Becos of money. Check yourselves and find a solution. It is well
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't date someone for that long without real commitment. 10 years wow. See now if you leave him people will blame you. Himself 10 years and it didn't occur to him to further his education. It is well
ReplyDelete