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WOW...How on earth does it ever get this bad?

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RANT LETTER TO AN EX HUSBAND

Give me a little space on your good blog to shed my tears and wail. Let me rant my heart out because i can't talk to anyone. They will just think I'm crazy. 


I feel like a little child her sweets she treasures were snatched away from her by some bullies.

I feel used.

When you knew i wasn't your type, why did you marry me? Why did you make me your wife just for "having a wife" sake?


Why did you deceive me into marrying you when you knew you didn't love me and would never ever love me?


For 6 good years of my life, you denied me love, you denied me affection, you denied me all my rights as a wife, you never ever saw me as a part of you.


I have lost count of how many times i have cried, i have lost count of how many times i shed tears of regret. You treated me with certain kind of disgust, as if i irritated you.

I complained but everyone thought i was insane. I asked you many times why don't you love me, you responded "i love you like God said we should love our neighbours".

I was blinded by the love and feelings i had for you, that i didn't observe your feelings for me deeply. I was carried away.


I didn't trap you with pregnancy, you were earning less than me when we got married, i wasn't a desperado, i accepted to be your wife because i loved you and thought you were for real. I never knew you were marrying me for jokes, i never knew you were making a fool of me and my family. I never knew marriage was all fun and games to you.


You told your lovers that i'm not presentable, you told them I'm a terrible person.
No matter how ugly you saw me and how evil you think i am, God would have provided for me my own true husband who would have loved me even with my ugliness. But you denied me the opportunity of ever being with a man worthy of me.


So many times you told me " if i hadn't married you, no man would have married you". You expressed these lines so many times i ended up believing i'm really that ugly.


I feel used.


You never showed me affection, we were never friends. All my efforts to bring us closer and build a tight marriage bond was rubbished by you. You just refused to give our marriage a decent chance.


When you knew you naturally loved girls who are short and light skinned, why did you deceive me, an exact opposite into marrying you?


I love marriage and the idea of building a home but you denied me the opportunity of building a home with my true husband who you made it impossible for me to meet. It is not fair!


To you i'm nothing more than an incubator and a baby making machine. You never made real love me, you reserved your body for your lovers. I have never had a smelling mouth but you never ever ever kissed me. If i don't approach you for a kiss, you never ever did and most of the times, you turned me down.


You loved keeping malice with me because you saw it as a way to avoid me. You kept malice with me like it was air to Abuja


You refused us doing our court wedding because you knew you have plans of marrying someone in court and one day i will be kicked out.


Now the marriage is finally over and you are patiently waiting for me to move out with our 3children so you can bring in your lover.


I want to go too because i have had enough.


December last year, you told me you are a free man and that i should leave you alone to enjoy yourlife how you wanted. I asked you; what about me? Who will be my husband and companion to me and you responded i should face the kids and that the only business i have right now is to look after our kids. When you said this, i knew you were long gone out of the marriage so i prayed, wept to God to take control and put love for me in your heart but things only got worse.


I saw how you treated your lovers and friends, i saw the affection and love you showed them. I saw how you took care of them. But i, your wife who should have the chief share of your love and attention got only 0.001% of your love.

Now the union is finally over, i am now a single mum of 3kids. How easy will it be for me?

You practically snatched my marital destiny and destroyed it. Now, you are enjoying your life as s bachelor while I'm busy looking for money to rent a decent apartment for myself and the kids.




For all the tears i have shed, God will settle me!
For all the emotional abuse, emotional torture, rejection, etc you put me through, God will compensate me and make things right for me in his own way.


For making me choose single motherhood instead of remaining in this loveless union with you, the almighty God will surely send helpers my way because being a single mother in this Abuja ain't a joke.


He said he will be sending #15,000 for feeding for our 3kids and pay their school fees.


My own job is a bit manageable so we can survive.
As soon as i can get a place to stay with the kids, we will quietly leave.


I'm going crazy with the emotional tortures.


He is patiently waiting for me to leave and yes I'm leaving! Enough is enough.


Some may say i don't have enough reason to leave, please i do and i want to take my little dignity left and continue my life alone. I'm trapped in a place I'm not wanted nor appreciated. Do i wait till i return home one day to meet my stuffs outside?


Even if there"may" (i doubt it though)be reconciliation in the future,i have to leave now so that things can be set straight. I deserve better. If he says he wants to come back, HE MUST ATTEND MARRIAGE COUNSELLING classes so he can get knowledge of what marriage is. I'm being real.


At least let me treat myself right and live like a normal woman. His treatment of me and how he constantly ridicules me have ruined my self esteem.


I tell you all, currently he lacks zero knowledge of what marriage is all about, he has no idea how a wife should be treated. He thinks a wife is no better than a maid. Just deliver his babies and care for them. We don't go out, we don't go to church together because he stopped going to church 4years ago,he hates everything marriage and family related.


There so many things that writing will take a whole week.
I just want to go and No I didn't tell anyone in my family because i don't want any interference. I know what i want and i must leave now otherwise more ill treatments are coming my way.


If i will remain a Mrs, then i have to fight for my right. I believe marriage is sweet if both couples truly love each other.


If i leave and he marries another lady in court, i will gladly return the brideprice (we did only trad) he paid and continue living my life. I won't miss anything. I only feel for my kids.

I have lived a normal, stable and very decent live up until i got married.

I will answer any question anyone may have in the comment section.

To the single ladies, be very watchful. If he isn't into you during dating, he won't be in marriage!