The Role Of Friends In A Union....

''I am bothered by the increasing sad tales of cheating husbands. I am bothered because I have sisters, nieces, friends and colleagues and would hate to see them go through troubles in their marriages.

One important area I believe every single woman should research into, with much gusto, is knowing the friends of the man she wants to marry. An old wise proverb says ‘show me your friends and I can tell who you are’. The kind of friends men keep, to a large degree, reflects/depicts their personalities. 

When a woman meets a man and falls in love with him, she should, before walking down the aisle, find out the kind of friends he keeps – especially his male friends. Who are his friends? What activities do they enjoy together? What kind of affinity do they share and embrace?

 What are their values and principles about life? Are they God-fearing? Are they honest people? Are their jobs and businesses legitimate? For his friends who are already married, how do they treat their wives?

Many marriages have crashed because of the roles played by friends of the man. When he stays out late, does his friends advise him to go home to his family? When he beats his wife, do they rebuke him and tell him it is wrong for a husband to beat his wife or they hail him and tell him he is ‘the man!’? When he starves his wife and the children and refuse to pay school fees, does his friends clap for him or they reprimand him and tell him a husband and a father MUST cater for his wife and children? 

When he goes around sleeping with other women, do they encourage him by hooking him up with their female colleagues or they chastise him and teach him the virtue of chastity in marriage?

When my older sister got married some years ago, her husband would always come back home very late because after work, he would go ‘hang out with the boys’. My sister became worried and it affected their marriage. But thank goodness, his friends, who were all single at the time, cautioned him. They rightly told him he is now a married man and should spend more time with his wife instead of them. When he would not listen, they stopped calling him for hangouts and also changed where they usually meet and did not inform him. 

Good friends! This made him realize his folly and he began spending more time with his wife. Right now, their marriage is the envy of most couples in their neighborhood. Sadly, not all friends would do this. They encourage the man to ‘hang out with the boys’ and by so doing, they contribute, albeit indirectly, to the possible failure of his marriage.

So ladies, when you meet a man, do not focus only on his personality, his family, his village or his pocket. Beam your searchlight on his friends, too. Get to meet them. Know their priorities, values and philosophy of life because your man’s friends play a role in the way he treats you.


Maybe, just maybe, if women take their time in finding out about the friends of the men that wants to marry them, the many sad tales of domestic violence, emotional abuse, deprivation, cheating, etc. would be reduced by half''.


By BV Chad Otsapa

*I dont know if I agree with you Chad.Some men do not need to hang out with anyone to cheat,they can even do it right inside their homes ...hmmmmmm