My Divorce Story -2

What!!!!

Greetings SDK. 

May God reward you for this blog you use in touching lives positively. You see Stella, If the internet had been accessible like it is now, maybe I would not end up like this. My divorce story is long but I will try and summarize it and I hope bvs will bear with me.

I am a 31 year old woman, I grew up with my parents and younger sister. My family was not well to do but we managed to feed and attend government schools.

 In my final class in secondary school, my mum fell sick and died. Dad did not re-marry but I did not go further after that because he was a casual worker in a manufacturing company and diabetic, mum was the one supporting. Even my sister went to learn tailoring after secondary. I started working as sales girl in a fashion store to support the home because dad had to buy his drugs. That is where I met my ex husband, he was the younger brother of the owner of the store, he was a businessman.

 He started buying food for me in the afternoon. Giving me money, gifts and caring for me. To cut long story short, we dated for six months. His people came to do the traditional marriage and I became his wife. His elder sister who owned the store first objected the marriage but he convinced her because I was a virgin at 22 despite my poor background.

 I was determined to make the marriage work because he was our helper, he opened a tailor shop for my sister and renovated our house. I also started a part time programme in Polytechnic.

I could not get pregnant immediately and trouble started. His sister said he should make me stop school that it is because of school stress that I could not conceive. I dropped out of school. 

This man started maltreating me, he will beat me at the slightest provocation, in the morning, he will sleep with me without any romance, most times forcefully and leave for shop, lock me inside and take the key, when he come back he will sleep with me again after getting drunk. I was not allowed to go anywhere not even church, we only went out together if his friend/relative was doing any ceremony.

 He will buy anything we need at home when coming back from shop. No money of my own and I was not working, he and his people said I need to rest and get pregnant. I was carrying low-cut hair, no money to make hair or even buy cream. My father could not do anything as he was weak and sick.

With prayers, I later got pregnant after two years and gave birth to a boy, then my dad died after some months. Two years, after I gave birth to a girl. After my dad died, I saw hell. This man will go away for days or weeks, without any trace, he gave me different infections and if I confront him, beating.

 He got that black and big high tension wire for beating me and the small wire for beating the kids. 

I was always beaten like a thief.

 If I commit an offence like allowing the soup to spoil or miss his call, he will tie me up and put pepper in my private part. 

He would bring women home and sleep with them in the master bedroom where we both sleep. I and the kids will stay in the guest room and not come outside, if I do, he will chase me inside with beating. 

It was 7 yrs of marriage then. I was tired but I had no where to run to. My sister who was also married was struggling with her own too. Her tailoring shop was gone and the husband was giving her problems. Uncles and aunties were always telling me to go back to my husband's house and endure. And also remind me that I don't have parents again. His family too was not helpful.

 His mum was old and his dad late, his elder sister was the one controlling the family and she didn't like me. She was even putting fire.
What broke the camel's back was when one of his mistresses who was threatening me went to do juju for me. I fell sick, I was hospitalised for 5weeks, the doctors did not see anything.

My ex husband bundled me and my children and went and dropped us in a church. I was there for six months before I regained my health, my sister was coming to see me there and she told me that my ex called her and told her to warn me not to come back to the house because he has married another wife and she was even pregnant.

My people, I stupidly went back there to see for myself after I was strong and I got the beating of my life. My remaining things were already outside at a corner outside of the house.

Now it is 11months since I packed my remaining loads from that outside and the bride price returned to him, I am still struggling to survive with my two children as he doesn't want to have anything to do with them, squatting with my sister whose husband has already given me ultimatum to move out.

 Where I will go from here, I don't know. I pray I find the strength to pull through and testify like that woman of yesterday's Divorce story who has four children. I know since I did not die in that man's house, I am destined to live long. I pray I do for my kids.

Lessons learnt:
1: when you notice the first sign of domestic abuse, correct it or leave the relationship. I noticed he was controlling me when we were dating, but I didn't mind.
2: if your husband says you should not work, don't agree, be doing something secretly like online business. If I was working or have any savings, I would have left long ago.
3 parents should let their girls to learn a skill and set up or get a degree and be working before marriage. It is not easy, but they can try.

Thanks for reading.

I learnt one thing here and that never to marry off your child without making sure they are properly educated and can fend for themselves but that isnt even easy with the way Nigeria is structured now......and then what if the man insists that he does not want a working wife?

Meeen it is not easy.I pray God gives you strength to stand strong for your kids.

God bless you!