My Divorce Story - 2

OhMyGoodness!!!

Hello Stella,God bless you for the platform you have created to help others. I am a woman of 52 years,my story may be long but i hope ladies will learn from my mistakes.

I grew up with my step mum,my life was a living hell.i wash everyone's cloth on Saturdays and i have to drink the water i use in rinsing the clothes before my step mum will let me hang them to dry,i cook but i have to wait till everyone finishes and eat the left over if there is,if there is none i try my luck next time.so many other terrible things i had to endure but to make my story short,i gained admission into teachers college and all i could think about was leaving the house.

After i graduated i returned back home and it was one issue after another anyways i met my husband and i just couldn't wait to leave the house. I lived in Ibadan and i have never been to Lagos. There was no white wedding, we did just intro and traditional marriage. He said when we get to Lagos we will do the court and white wedding, i didn't mind,i just wanted to be as far away from my step mum and all the troubles at home as possible. I got to Lagos and my nightmare started,i realized he wasn't as wealthy as he claimed he was,that wasn't a problem to me.

 I saw two young boys in his little room and palour. It was then he told me,he has a wife but she left without her kids and his mother also lived in the house.there was no telephone then,there was no way to reach my father,i couldn't go back to Ibadan,i didnt even know the way. I accepted my fate. He was a banker. After marriage,i realized he usually have terrible mood swings,he will shout @ me and just get angry without valid reason. 

Then he gave me the first bomb, he told me i should never ask him for anything that if i have needs,i should just write it in a paper and keep it on the dinning table that if i see money in it that means he has interest in the list and if i don't, that means he isn't interested.we didn't use to gist and talk like couples, just greetings and notes,that was how we communicated.

 Dont let me add his mums troubles, it wasn't beyond me because i was already used to maltreatment from home. After a while i gathered small money and started hawking pounded yam,i was pregnant with my first child. He didn't care and he didn't stop me. I was able to gather #10,000 from my business when i heard there was a land for sale in that area,i wrote my note as usual and kept the #10,000 in it that he should add to it to buy the land. He bought the land and still from my business money i bought the block used in starting the foundation of the land. He built his house and i was still hawking. 

A neighbor saw me one day and he said,my husband is a banker why am i hawking and he asked if i went to school, i told him yes and he got me my job as a civil servant. All hell was let loose in my house,my husband and his mum accused me of sleeping with the man and my husband insisted i wont take the job but i am Strong willed. I resumed and started taking care of my needs. He never spent money on my children, he usually spend his money on his family members. I wasnt still bothered.Some months to 2002 thats after 16years of marriage,he asked me to help him collect loan in my corporative in school,that he wanted to use it for business.

 I agreed and got him a loan of #700,000. Feb 2002, he woke me up in the midnight and said " i have sold the house,you and your children go and look for where to stay" i felt like i was in a nightmare. How is that possible, where will i go?i dont have family members in Lagos,i have 4 children with my last born still 2years old plus a #700,000 loan i collected on his behalf. He said he doesnt care,he is done with the marriage and we are to appear in court the following day for the divorce proceeding.

 I thought i was going to die.

 To cut the long story short, i paid the judge #12000 to let me have the custody of my kids as i couldn't live without them.my friends called me stupid,told me to leave the children and go hustle for myself, i had no place to live. Anyway i disagreed,i got my kids and went to live with who i thought was my bosom friend.i had to withdraw my kids from private schools and enrolled them in the government school. One evening my friend told me she could no longer accommodate me that we had to leave that same day,i went with my children and started knocking on the gates of churches, hoping that someone will let me @lst sleep for the night,a lot of them said no but thank God for sending helper my way that very night. My dad called me to come back to the village, i said no.i will stay in Lagos and make it.

 I became the object of ridicule among my siblings, none of them came to my aid. Even my mum that was never there for me as a child wrote me a letter that i shouldn't come to her burial if she dies because im no longer her child. It was a tough time and i cant begin to write all i went through. But God found me,i never gave up on him and today its a different story.i am not there yet but two of my children are graduates,my third child is in her final year and my last born is in his second year in the university and now their father wants them in his life.he has cancer,he is bedridden and every of his family members that he spent money on has abandoned him.

Lesson learnt:
(1) never become desperate,no matter what you are going through, never rush into marriage.

(2) no matter how little, always make sure you are earning something for yourself. If your husband as stopped you from working, try to save a little from whatever money is entering your hand.

(3) never leave your children behind. When you leave them,you subject them to abuse and maltreatment.if you have to sleep under the bridge, let them be there with you.

(4) no matter what comes your way,stand courageous, believe in yourself. No one said it will easy,it was a difficult moment for me and my kids,so many times we had nothing to eat but God saw us through.

(5) marry your friend, someone you can talk to about anything, someone you can play with,confide in. Sometimes love isn't enough,love fades but friendship will keep you going while you try to ignite the fire of love.

(6) try as much as possible to treat your step child(ren) nicely,despite all i went through growing up,i never maltreated them.we are still very close till now and they see me as their mother.we never know where we might end up,be nice to everyone that crosses your path,no matter who they are.

I hope i haven't bored you all,sorry for my epistle and i hope i have been able to encourage one or two ladies not to give up on themselves just yet,there is always light at the end of the tunnel. Thank you.

*Thank you for sending in your story Ma..God bless you.