Time to trash it out on the couch.....
Let's define domestic violence; it is a violent or aggressive behaviour within the home typically involving the violent abuse be it physical assault, psychological, sexual or emotional assault of a spouse or partner.
Note the use of spouse or partner. Which means the female can be the victim of the abuse, so can the male.
With this background, permit me to ask the following bothering questions.
When a normally calm man slaps(a single slap) his female partner in response to extreme provocation, has he domestically abused her or is it when he beats her blue black that it is?
When a woman slaps her male partner on different occasions of which he never reacts, has she domestically abused him?
What should the man do to her?
Should the man pack out of the house when abused, the same way BVs tell the women to pack when abused?
Is there an excuse for domestic violence? Like pushing a calm.person to the wall.
Is there a frequency to d abuse to term it domestic abuse or when it just happens once its domestic abuse or its the severity of the abuse that matters?
A woman that taunts her husband about being poor or insults and compares him to other men is that domestic abuse too?
A man that taunts his wife about not being sexy anymore is that not domestic (sexual n psychological) abuse? Should the woman pack out of the house?
If the "abuse" was an intent to correct the partner or protect him/herself, is that domestic abuse also?
Why don't men that are abused cry out? Is that society doesn't expect men to be abused by women and its a shame to manhood if that happens?
Is there a room for repentance and change and acceptance for an abuser?
Seriously, so many questions on my my mind and I just want BVs to thrash this domestic violence thing out in all ramifications.
From my earlier definition at the beginning which was gotten from Google, it is quiet obvious that most of us have been domestically abused in one form or the other but stil hanging in there.
Thanks Stella. Look forward to having an engaging discussion.
A man can never beat his wife if she is well mannered.
ReplyDeletePeace maker receive sense ijn.....
DeleteSome women r well mannered, brought up, groomed n respectful but still get beaten by their husband's.
DeleteSome men feel they own their wives n can treat them how they like. Some lack self esteem n do it to feel more like a man, some has imbibed so much fear in their wives that to get out of it is a big deal, some look so innocent that u won't know nor believe they could indulge in such barbaric act, some ve been damaged psychologically n so feel its a norm, some inculcated the act from their parents, some grew up in broken homes, some ve so much ego that any slight issue bruises it n they react violently. All the same its a crazy act that destroys one totally
This issue came to my table a few days ago: the man was cheating on his wife(young couple) and the wife got to know. He even lied about being out of town for about two weeks but all the while he was with his side chick in a hotel not too far from where they stay. When his wife eventually got to know the truth about her husband's "travel" she decided she would no longer be intimate with her husband. This angered the man but the woman insisted on no copulation. As time went by she mellowed her decision to the the of protection. He had to wear a condom if he had to sleep with her, else he could keep going outside. After some months the man had had enough and vented his anger by physically abusing her. EACH TIME THE ABUSE WAS EXTREME!!!
DeleteShe came to us to dissolve the marriage.
My question though is, who is abusing who?
Sparkles is that even a question?!? so the woman is abusing the man by protecting herself from whatever disease he has gone out to carry? You will receive sense in this 2017 IJN
DeleteAsk those who already have a woman condemned
DeleteWelcome back our couch, we won't even complain about how old it is again
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Men don't cry out coz they are men n real men don't cry.
DeleteBut is very difficult to see a man in an abusive relationship... Maybe let's say 3%.
And some times,men are not abused physically like beating n all that.
Maybe emotional or verbal abuse is what most men go tru.
How did you arrive at that percentage or just another baseless assertion?
DeleteWomen should respect their men, they should stop this stupid feminism bullshit. Spare d rod n spoil the child, men too be careful when u spank, don't over do it
ReplyDeleteOloshi somebody and men shouldn't respect their wives. Should be careful wen spanking like say na toodler u marry or na u born. Ko ni dafu e. Waka shege🖐🖑
DeleteSpank? See very selfish someone quoting the Bible to suit misdeeds. Your wife is your partner, a full grown adult and not a child. You can no longer spank a child at a certain age sef.
DeleteMrsBee
They say women are babies and should be treated as such. So a once in a while spanking to restore to default setting and later petting wont do any harm. When u spank a child for wrong doing after talkin to him/her previously about not doing it, they mostly stop it. Same tin applies to women. Just a little. Don't overdo it.
DeleteDo you know they also say men are dogs? So they should be beaten and mistreated and thier food served on the floor. Just because they say it doesn't Mean it's true. A woman's brain is not smaller than a man's brain, the woman is just as mature so how can she be a child. A woman can.make a child and and. Do you know it is scientifically.proven that women mature faster than men? So who is now the child? If a man's wife was very fat and he very slim will he still say she is a child and try to beat her? Hahaha
DeleteEven a sparrow has more worth in God's eyes than you. Your twisted reasoning reveals you are a psychotic pedophile in the making (if not a full fledged one already)
DeleteIf you view women as children who should be spanked then it means you can't tell the difference between women and children. So it is very likely that you can have intercourse with a child.
Beating occurs if she is rude ,uncouth, run her mouth like tap,did not know when to keep quite or talk back at him when he is very annoyed.
ReplyDeleteA neighbor that always quarrel + fight with his now ex wife. But since she married one nice woman like that, it hv been five years and we never hear them exchange words even once.
My dear an abusive man is an abisive man. Most dv r caused by d woman. Now lemme tell I guys a story. I used 2 v an aunt, we were family friends, goes 2 same church. Dis woman was down 2 earth, very calm, not troublesome, but her hubby beats d living day lyt out of her 4 no just cause. Dis woman will fall ill, her hubby will still force her 2 do house shores, I can remember visiting her in her house with ma mom does days? N my mom will help her out in cleaning d house. One day her hubby beat her n her spleen busted, she was rushed 2 d hospital , she had a blood transfusion, bit d blood was unscreen, dat was how Oriaku contacted HIV, ofc d hospital was sued, but d deed has been done. Oriaku becamed shadow of herself, d day I saw her, I didnt recognise her, she battled wit d disease till she gave up d ghost. Oriaku neva talked bk at her hubby, oriaku was a warm heart, our bishop den interfered in d issue, biy 2 no avail. Oriaku didnt leave d marriage cos of wat d society will say, she didnt leave d marriage cos of her children, rather she left d surface of dis earth. Wen she was down with d deadly virus, she blamed herself 4 not leaving wen she would v. Some men r just devils. Dey dont need a woman 2 provoke dem b4 dey pounce on her. I was in a r/ship wit a violent guy. D very 1st tym dis guy laid his hands on me was in my final yr . He was a banker,(I came 2 spend d wkend wit him) came bk 4rom wrk dat nit. As it was tym 2 sleep, he occupied d whole sapce n glued me 2 d wall, I told him 2 adjust , he refused n told me 2 go down n sleep on d floor (he was staying in a self con) I told him if I sleep on d floor, d fan will b off cos I was ving serious cold n I cant afford 22 fall ill cos I came 2 visit a bf. I went n off d fan, he switched it on, I off again, d next thing I got was a slap n a beating of my lyf. Dis guy used belt n designed my bk, tore my nyt wear n pushed me out of his room stark naked, it was a female neighbour dat ran n, saw me naked n went in2 her room n brot wrapper n covered me, I slept in her room dat nyt. D following day I left. Ofc he begged wit his friends n I 4gave him. D 2nd tym was cos of a gal. I went 2 cannan land 4 shiloh, een I came bk I decided 2 pay in a visit. I spent 3days in his house. I notived theres dis gal dat calls him all d tym n he calls her 2. I kw dis gal very well cos she n her bf lives in same compound. Dis thing continued, d call was becoming unbearable. U will b on d bed wit ur guy, n he will b busy talking n chatting wit anoda guy. I warned him, ofc he didnt listen, I approached d gal, she still didnt listen. I had 2 go tell d gals bf, after telling, I eent 2 d market 2 buy things 4 cooking. Wen I came bk, ma ex, came inside, locked d door , removed his wriat watch n gave me d 2nd beating of my lyf, asking me y I told d gals bf. I saw living hell, if not dat people came 2 ma rescue , it would v been a story 4 anoda day. Dat was how I ended d r/ship 4 gud. Ofc he got married but his marriage didnt last up2 a yr, his wife left him. My dear some men v it in their nature 2 b violent, provoked or not provoked. I rest ma case.
DeleteFrom shiloh @ canaanland u went straight to a man's house to fornicate?
DeleteI will read comments and learn
ReplyDeleteAbeg reading comments. No talking from me
ReplyDeleteNice write ups,this will make a nice discus here.weldone Stella
ReplyDeleteWaiting for comments.
ReplyDeleteAbuse is Abuse regardless of the gender, I think most men in this situation are too ashamed to speak out. I believe one can push a calm person to the wall but it takes a whole lot of self control on the other not to retialiate.
ReplyDeleteAbuse happens in one form or the other but when taken to a higher level of danger then that is when the running shoes should be worn.
ReplyDeleteA man should not taunt his wife to be sexy rather he should show her the way to be sexy by gifting her the type of sexy wears he likes her wearing. The type of hair, how he wants her nails etc, you tell her in love not by taunting
A woman who compares her man to others is a child. Everybody is different. Same goal different pace as with different men.
A woman has no right to taunt her husband or mock him especially when he is a hardworking man but favour hasn't located him yet
If a man is pushed to the wall by his wife and he hits her, he is somewhat a weak man as regards controlling his emotions but then again, he is human right? Now,
If that woman is true to herself, (especially one with bad xter) she will know she pushed him to. Thus both need to work on their attitudes- The woman changing her bad xter and the man learning to leave her presence when such scenario is about to repeat itself.
Dialogue and communication is key to solving most of these things.
Love and showing affection is another way of solving issues like this.
The only way to solve life threatening abuse is walking away be you the man or the woman
No response,all I ask is for a good man shikena when u marry a good man u HV no reason to b a bad wife ....miss h
ReplyDeleteSee me see sweet couch..lemme sleep jor😴😴😴😴
ReplyDeleteWill read comments.
ReplyDeleteWhat I know for sure is that DV doesn't just enter marriage one day! It's something that will grow in a man or woman over years. If women had the power, women would be the worst people that batter men but physically they are not strong enough. I know this because I know countless girls, ladies, madams that have gotten somebody locked up and even pay the police to beat up the person. They do this not because of law but because they can't handle the person themselves. If you think I'm lying, go to area G or lion building and confirm from people that are locked up there.
ReplyDeleteWhen white people dont beat their children we all think they are spoiling the kids like I read someone comment about somewhere and it's very true. If you beat children, they grow up thinking the way to humble someone is to beat them up and this goes both way male and female.
This things matter a whole lot and that's why some women see it as love because you think a parent whooping your a** is because they love you. The men that beat their wives, inside of them they also feel they love their wives but they have to humble them.
Social media comments gets to everyone. Even Stella sometimes replies comments if she feels attacked and even the other blogger gets mad from comments and she says it a lot so imagine how a man will feel when the wife keeps going about how he is broke. It's not a good feeling and that is why so many men see women as toys because women have taken it on their head that they are down for any rich fella. Most men when they see money, they see using women for sex as consolation for all those times they have been finance shamed! I also did it at a point I won't lie but then just as I have come to realize that not all women are like that, women should realize that not all men are like that too.
You are the baboon that won't read before commenting. Did I say it is right if he beats her? I said he will 'feel' he loves her. All this 16 year olds with wifi and smartphones
DeleteMotherfucker, ur father does not have a son yet coz u r obviously not one. Idiot
DeleteCame to read comments...........
ReplyDeleteChildren who grow up in domestic violence homes may turn out to be violent or mentally unstable. It takes the grace of God and a willing heart to break free. Men/women should stop staying for the kids and leave!
ReplyDeleteCame to read comments 😒🍹
ReplyDeleteI vehemently discourage any form of abuse or violence.Truth is, anybody can be a victim of Domestic violence,be it male or female. I always advice,that the abused should leave that environment,at least in the meantime.Men also undergo domestic violence,only difference is that women are more vocal about theirs.Anyone going through such should leave,be it male or female.None should be tolerated no matter what.
ReplyDeleteA man doesn't just wake up one morning and gives his wife a slap for nothing, he must have been provoked and not every one can control their temper, a man should not hit a woman for any reason, n a woman should not provoke a man for any reason, men should walk away,women too walk away, we got legs. what is good for d goose, is good for d gander.
ReplyDeleteLet me ask a simple question for all those saying its understandable to beat her when she is rude or when he is rude as the case may be. No matter how your mother insults you, have you ever slapped her? Violence is never the answer. Women respect your husbands, men respect your wives. Beating up and putting down a spouse is never the answer. We must learn tolerance. If your boss insults you. Why dont you slap him or her since he hurt your feelings? The reason is because you fear the consequences
ReplyDeleteTrue. Also ask a lady if she can talk to her dad anyhow or insult when she feels he erred in one way of the other and if she actually does that and he hits her, what she would do?
DeleteWell, u can't compare husband n wife relationship to mother n child. Ur mom can berate n sound u join n u dare not raise a finger cos she gave birth to u.
DeleteBut some people are saying women are babies abI. Spare the rod spoil the child. So that means once a boy has become a man he can beat his.mother to correct her abi? After all she is just a baby. Haha
DeleteTrue, thats why I said it goes both ways. She should not disrespect her husband. My dear, when you get married most especially Christian marriage ( dont know about others) you stand before God and man, you make a covenant with God, saying you will love and take care of your spouse. Do you think that when ppl go against a covenant with God, it dosent bring you troubles. Most importantly marriage is for mature minds
DeleteLet me ask a simple question for all those saying its understandable to beat her when she is rude or when he is rude as the case may be. No matter how your mother insults you, have you ever slapped her? Violence is never the answer. Women respect your husbands, men respect your wives. Beating up and putting down a spouse is never the answer. We must learn tolerance. If your boss insults you. Why dont you slap him or her since he hurt your feelings? The reason is because you fear the consequences
ReplyDeleteThere is no justification for a man to raise his hand on a woman no matter the level of provocation, real men don't beat women, you walk away from the scene if things are getting out of hand, if dialogue can't solve the situation, leave the scene, what do one gain by beating someone you've sworn to protect, cherish and honour, not only one has broke a vow made before God, there is no honour in beating a woman just because you can, even women feel the pain more in the aftermath when you don't touch her and you have earned her respect and admiration albeit silently,women ain't fools, they too know when they are wrong but knows society frowns on men beating them, whoever believes women are the weaker sex should have his or her head examined
ReplyDeleteWhat about a husband that keeps malice?
ReplyDeleteMy husband keeps malice alot. Yesterday he was lying beside me on the bed and browsing and I touched him jokingly, he removed my hand. I felt bad and just kept quiet. A few minutes later I asked him why he always does that, do I irritate him? He said he wasn't in d mood and I should know when to let him be and when to play with him. I said OK and stayed on my own. He now came n touched me and I removed his hand he got angry.
Well, he hasn't talked to me since last night and even this morning and we didn't pray cos whenever he s mad at me, he stomps off. I told him let's pray and he blatantly ignored me. This might go on for 2 or 3 days before he will start talking to me again, and that is after much pleas from me.
I dislike malice alot and he knows that and he takes advantage of it.
Bv Maryam
Chai!!!
DeleteThat your hubby is abusing you emotionally
Just forgive him. Ask God to touch his heart. Whenever he refuses to pray, Continue with ur prayers by the time he comes back home he might be asking for forgiveness. That the only husband you have got, Handle with care like a new born baby..
DeleteChai Maryam no be only u waka come o. Na my husband you describe so. May God help us
DeleteI think mutual respect for each other would prevent dv. Women should also stop talking less which is their default setting and men should also avoid showing their manly power but all in all it has to do with set control and tolerance.
ReplyDelete#Don't let a hard lesson harden your heart*
ReplyDeleteNumber one thing is women should study their men properly to know when to talk, act or seal their mouths vice versa. Feminism is not helping this generation especially Africans.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many types of Abuse -
Even some body languages can be termed as a form of abuse in a marriage shah. A CHRISTIAN should not hit his woman if you know the God you are serving unless you are still in your ancestral bondage, that way, you can continue hitting her hence the excuse of - she insulted me, she lacks manner, etc.
@peace maker, what sought of person are you. There is no justification whatsoever for a man to beat his wife or a woman to hit her husband. There are so many ways either party can punish either spouse. Domestic violence is real and bad, be it verbally, emotionally or physically. Ve been a victim of all these and trust me it is a very disheartening experience. I was neverrrrrr rude to my hubby I gave him all the respect I thought he deserved. The verbal and emotional abuse was more though, he hit me just once and apologized the night he did. I wasn't the only one he hit that day, he was also violent to my son who was not up to three then and was ill, he hit me when i tried to stop him. DOMESTIC VIOLENCE needs to stop, there should be other ways to treat issues in marriages. For instance I cant stand a quiet spouse, if my partner knows this he should be able to use this to punish me whenever I deserve to be punished and not go as low as hitting me. Please lets continue to preach against this disturbing trend. Enof said
ReplyDeleteThis discuss makes sense. Aspiring husbands and brothers in the house, if your woman ever insults you or abuses you in anyway, divorce her. Don't ever take rubbish from a woman all in the name of marriage or kids. Don't ever raise your hand to hit an another person's child. Thanchu - #my2cents
ReplyDeleteA woman that doesn't have control over how she maltreats a child because our government is daft will still be talking here. Oloshi.
ReplyDeleteI used to know a Kogi lady that beats her husband and people will be clapping for her, I later heard the man ran our of the house without his property (not even his car).
ReplyDeleteThis lady was so troublesome that no one dares cross her paths. But her husband was a peaceful man who married a beautiful monster.
Domestic violence is bad and shouldn't be tolerated by anyone whether male or female.
A cousin of mine was always insulting her husband (especially outside), one day she was screaming on top of her voice and then she hit her husband (a man that provides everything for her, built her a house too), the man just told her that the day he will raise hand on her, that day will be last day on earth.
She continued her mannerless acts until one day, as she was raising her hand to slap her husband, the man held her hand and gave her just one hit and she passed out.
She spent two weeks at the hospital, she went to her husband begging with our family members. The man was a gentleman, he took her back but she never dares raised her voice on her husband again.
They are still together, now grandparents to two.
I hate domestic violence of any kinds and I stand against it. But we should not be biased about it.
I love that your cousin's husband. 😂😂 Badooo 🙌 They are grandparents? Waawwuu. *added to my gist pot*
DeleteWhile men are hustling and looking for ways to better themselves and their families, feminists are here screaming divorce him like say na that one go scare men. 90℅ of men just want to fuck when they like and eat cooked food when they get home. Divorce only affects the washed up women more. Only the government would have been able to curb it but they themselves are either too busy stealing or trying to fight corruption, or they themselves beat up their wives in a Godly manner occasionally too. Don't be surprised sef that even Bolanle Ambode wey dey form activist activity actress dey chop kponsings codedly if she no cross line. Hehehe
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence is both ways unfortunately. A large number of men finds consolation in cheating, drinking and avoiding staying at home with such women. This is how men are able to cover up and manage their situation.
ReplyDeleteWomen on the other hand most time are advised to move out because she ends up with blue eyes, torturing, broken ribs and sometimes death. DV towards women happens more and goes to the extreme because most women can not stand their men physically, otherwise there would be more stories of battered husbands as well.
DV can stop from both parties. First step to solving any problem is admitting there is a problem. Second is to have the will to do all it takes to stop.
My parents were no Saint, both of them guilty of DV but I realize they both stopped from the time their first child gained admission to university. Even afterwards my mum still will say some annoying things but I know my dad already decided enough was enough. Gradually my mum stopped.
However it's possible to stop this things earlier to avoid deadly consequences and having unhealthy kids.
The party to first realize it is a wrong act should stop and exercise a different approach to things, practice more patience and extend more love. It is work but all areas of life needs more effort sometimes. If it doesn't work, then you know your partner has bigger issues and has nothing to do with who/how you are. He/She will need some professionally purging to be normal, until then you have to walk away!
PS you will know when your efforts can't tame your partner, that's why everyone should be realistic to themselves. Many are so used to faking that they even lie to themselves about DV.
You made a man marry you by hooking him with pregnancy and you are crying wolf that you are a victim **yinmu**
You went to marry rich daddy's spoilt daughter because of the money and not for love and you say she disrespects you **I hear you**
You went to marry a man you know obviously has temper and you think he will change once married to you**ahaha**
The single ones on here have the privilege to marry right with the rate at which DV situations are making it to SM but many will still be blinded by what not!! Who is your partner without the money he/she gives you? Who are you dating, if he/she happens to be without a job,without the beauty, without the good sex!
MrsBee
Your head dey there madam. They did not discuss issues or study their partners well before marriage as they were busy gbenshing diff styles. Why complain about the guy/babe after marriage?
DeleteThe main criteria for marriage is true love and tolerance. Both the man and woman are 2 diff entity coming together to be one. There must be friction but with patience and love it should not degenerate to DV. Women train your son never to hit a woman. So many women that were abused still later encourage their son to abuse their wives. Please stop this evil...Women complaining here still become wicked MIL and SIL. May God change such people
Mutual understanding and respect is very key in every relationship
ReplyDeleteOnce an abuser, always an abuser except in rare occasions which would take d grace of God.
ReplyDeleteWhether male or female victim; abuse is abuse.
ReplyDeleteI had to call off a relationship when my fiancee keeps tormenting with her mouth (words from her mouth), because I know if we go ahead with the relationship there's no how I won't crush her mouth one day because it was glaring she can't change.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you for making the right decision
DeleteNobody has any right to beat anyone...male or female. If she provokes you, walk away & madam please don't prevent him from leaving, na there you find trouble. A woman wey look man finish slap am, I believe she's ready for the consequences. A man wey beat woman, be ready for the consequences as well
ReplyDeleteDomestic violence goes both ways.Alot of kids were abused physically and emotionally by their parents while growing up and now that they are adults,they see it as normal. I know a very calm young man that his wife has slapped several times and he will just pick his shirt and leave the house to come back the following day,sometimes the wife starves him of food.she has been advised severally but she has just refused to change and i pity the day the man will retaliate,i hope he wouldn't beat her to death. I believe whoever is in a dv situation should try as much as possible to communicate with the spouse/partner but if there is no change in behavior please leave because when you bottle up anger to a point,the day it explodes will be disastrous.parents too should learn to talk to thier kids when they do wrong things instead of abusing them physically and emotionally. There are some things my mum has said to me that i can never forget,the last time we were talking and i told her some of those things,she was shocked,she didnt even remember saying those things but she did say them and it has caused its own damage so parents please look for other means of training/correcting your kids.
ReplyDeleteHmmm... that's serious oh. For your mother to forget what she says. I pray God helps all parents to take these things into consideration.
Deletehttp://www.craziestsportsfights.com/watch-teen-girl-sucker-punches-boy-with-down-syndrome/
ReplyDeleteWell..... I would recommend Everyone should seek God in all things.
ReplyDelete