OMGosh!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN A MARRIAGE IS BROKEN.
Compliments of the season to you.
Hmmm, so, I've been thinking of sending in my chronicles but not quite sure if to or not.
I just decided to.
It might be a long read so please bear with me.
I've been married for 7 years and it's been hell.I don't know what to do anymore. My husband abuses me emotionally and physically (2ce).
Hardly does a day go by without us fighting.He drinks and smokes heavily.We had a long distance relationship and nobody believes it's possible I didn't know he drinks and smokes.Honestly, I didn't know.I had known my husband for a while before we started dating.He used to drink and smoke but told me he had given his life to Christ and had stopped all those things. I believed.
During our wedding reception,my husband disappeared.Everyone was looking for him.Didn't know where he went.When he came back,he was smelling of cigarette.He said his friends said it's either they poured wine on him or he smokes 1 stick and he opted to smoke 1 stick cos he didn't want to be stained.Foolishly, I believed. That was only the beginning. From honeymoon till date, you find him drunk or high by 12 noon(most days).
Falling down from the bed,pooing on the floor, vomiting everywhere.(Good thing is he cleans up when he comes back to his senses).I just wonder if this is the man I married.
He comes home everyday and accuses me of having affairs with my neighbours,landlord.Nobody must pay me a compliment.Tells me I am stupid, daft, all kinds of insults.Called my mum and told her I am his wife and he can kill me if he wants,disrespects her at every instance(yet collects money from her).Threatens to kill me if he finds out i'm having an affair(did i forget he's an armed officer).
He goes through my phone,smashed my laptop on the floor.I'm always scared.When i got pregnant, this reduced. He said nobody will find me sexy anymore and that i'm now after one.I gained a ton of weight and he was happy. Once i start losing weight,he starts again.Who is looking at me?bla bla bla.Now,I'm just FAT.
Recently, he said the reason he has not been moving forward is because i've been having an affair.He is going to kill me,bla bla bla.This man goes months without dropping any money at home.I started working before him and I make more money than him. I pay house rent of N1.5m, pay children's school fees,buy their clothes,food,buy everything in the house, i do almost everything.Yet, this man still steals money from my wallet.
(There was a day I brought money home so i could give him to pay security since they had not paid his salary. He took 4k out of that money. I told him, it's just 2 of us at home and i brought this specific amount for this specific reason.He later apologised and returned it).
If I come home late from work, it's because i'm having an affair.
Let me add here, that I only slept with one man before my husband (we couldn't get married due to some issues) and he knows this.Yet, this man makes me feel like a prostitute.Me trying not to "gbensh" as sexy as I was, was because I wanted to keep my dignity.It was all in vain.
Another rent is due for me to pay, I'm tempted to move out.But i'm scared this man would find me and kill me.Most times, i stand up to him and hide my fear when he threatens me.If not that I know my self worth, I probably would have checked into a mental home by now. He feels he has the monopoly of insults.
I just tried not to bore you all with tales of woes.I don't know what to do anymore. I will comment anonymously if need be.
*What are you still doing with a man like this?GET THE HECK OUT OF THAT THING RIGHT NOW!
ah ah!.....I wanted to add that i dont see anything wrong with smoking once a while,then i read further and everything is damn wrong with that man IF IT IS AS YOU RECOUNT....
Damn!
OUT YOU GO,Report him to.....Oops how do you report a thief to an armed robber? Big problem here...
What's this? How did you endure for 7 years? Yes, I know no marriage is perfect but this is torture and torture shouldn't be endured like this! Ah ha!! Madam leave that house before you die there
ReplyDeleteSince I discovered that most dv is as a result of poverty,i started praying against it. Poverty is surely a Bastard.
DeletePoster please give him a little distance for now and focus on yourself, don't forget to channel everything to God.
I just dont get it at all. How do u women do it? Just how do u survive it?
DeleteAbeg you no get husband.
DeleteWhich one is the question you asking us again!
Let me make some things clear to everyone, we all have our imperfection, that's what makes us human and there is always a space to change someone either in a very tight situation, I will ask this question "how many people are we going to tell to leave their marital homes when we can always have a background check up on such home and treat their sore. I always believe there is no smoke without fire. Madam I know you are in a terrible state but if U want to listen me, you've endured enough, look within yourself what can be done to put your home in order. Look at where you know U've got it wrong and what he complains about, I believe you can still make it work.. We need counsellors in this country, talk to people that he respects so much and try commit his life to Christ, all will be fine. May healing locate your marriage, husband IJN. Amen
DeleteMadam Go to court nah!
DeleteuWhat are you looking for?
Iru raaada Raada wo leyi?.
Madam, file a report with evidence and move out. Desperate times call for desperate measures
DeleteBTW, is your husband from Ekiti?
DeleteThis man will never change. Infact, it will get worse. Move out!!! He will not do Nada!! The risk of death is when you stay. They are The type that will actually start begging for reconciliation when they see you are determined not to come back. It all depends on how you go about it. You must be intentional in moving forward.
Delete1. Get an apartment and move out!
2. Get a badass lawyer. Go with your lawyer to lay complaint at the price station ( they won't do bullshit). Get your lawyer to write him a cease-and-desist. Let him file divorce proceedings ASAP
3. Let your family send his family message ( there's a way its done traditionally) that should ANYTHING happen to their daughter, he will be held responsible
It is time to be tough! I wish I was still around in Naija, I would've handled your case but I'm out for a fellowship
If I earn like you. I would have left mine. Am sooo pretty and have a hot body dat one wouldn't believe I have given birth b4.he hit me so bad, pulled off my hair from d root, bruised all over, swollen face etc
DeleteHian! 7 years of violent behaviour and you believe it can be sorted out throigh talking? Am afraid this matter is not a talking issue, I believe she must have spoken to him but people like this can never be pulled out of their behaviour throigh talking, it's need more talking.
DeleteMadam, look for a way and move out, you can't be walking on an egg shell in your home everyday.
Plan with a friend and move, go and hide if you think he will find you. Another state would be better off.
What would be his cure is prayer. Unending prayer for him. It won't be easy for him since its part of him already, look for how you can get him closer to God, God can still do it.
Madam,
DeleteYou had a life before u met the "devil"
You earn a lot to be comfortable paying 1.5m as rent
Didn't they read you your rights at the court wedding proceedings?
Oya, head to court immediately, get a sound lawyer, initiate divorce proceedings stating threat to life and abuses......
Copy his superior (in the police or military) make it as official as it can be.
No amount of pleading from him should do it dis time.....
Pls save your life yourself while u still can.
#IHAVESPOKEN
Oh noooooo. Lord fix it
ReplyDeleteDear Lord,you remember all those times I pray to You, asking that you keep away certain type of men from me? Well,this is one of them.Father, please,keep him and his kind VERY FAR away from me.
DeleteJeez!!! Poster, you dey try.
you don't know what to do with all you have been through? ok, pray and read 'on becoming' by Toke Makinwa
DeleteFor a second,I thought this was my story...
DeleteDear Poster,I've been married for as long as you have (this year will make it 8 actually), my husband used to be emotionally and physically abusive too(twice as well).He still smokes and drinks but not to a stuporic state so believe me when I say I KNOW what you are going through. The last time he hit me 2014,I sent in my story, I got insults,encouragements, words of advice, bashing, name it! But you and only you knows where it hurts...are you doing anything to aggravate him? Now I'm not saying,he isn't to blame o!but he who comes to equity must do so with clean hands...let me share what I did.
I gave him space...lots of space to realise his duties,functions and responsibilities as a husband and father.I used to be quick to respond but I learned the art of speaking through silence. I met someone on this blog,a therapist actually who counselled me on how to approach people like Him. I had to also convince him to have a session with her, which progressed into weekly sessions. Make sure you do your part as a wife and help meet. Don't make him feel any less of a man because believe me,men most times react (drunk or not) when their ego/authority is threatened.
But if you have been doing your part and all this is still happening then you need to rethink.
As of today, 2 years and 5 months, my home is peaceful. We still have our challenges but it never escalates as I don't allow it to.above all, put it in prayers. You make or break the home. Don't just pray that God will change him, pray that a change occurs in your life as well. Its a very long story,maybe one day I'll share my chronicle of hope. I wish you well
Plus does your hubby accuses you of infidelity ?
DeleteDoes he lie to you ?
And takes money from your wallet (quick fingers)
Does your hubby insult your parents and still collects money from them also?
Does he neglect his financial responsibility also?
Good advice u gave but shed more light on these questions I asked.
God bless you. It is either you make or break it. Chose one and work on it.
DeleteYou can't succeed working on both.
Breaking it means you are walking away to a different state/country. You can confide in your employers to post you to a different location , and have the tell everyone else you are no longer with them.
Alternatively, if you have 1.5m to pay rent, you can save money and leave the country for good.
God help you!
Actually my husband never accused me of infidelity or took my money or insult my parents (though he ignored them at a point), on this one our stories are different...but I won't advice you to leave your home honestly until you have exhausted all means of reconciliation and rehabilitation
Delete..more than half the people on this blog will advice you to leave but won't be there when you really need companionship. My dear,make a list and weigh the pros and cons of the marriage.your husband can't be that bad.you saw something in him before you accepted to be his wife...I'd advice you pray and act with wisdom,bring his spirit man under the subjection of the Holy Spirit,there is a reason for his actions...but if/when it becomes life threatening please leave...and fight for your marriage from afar...but my darling any man can change,as long as you love your husband and will him to change.with prayers and therapy my husband did.it's possible
Oh no this is fiction na
ReplyDeleteGod please o
I think he'll kill you soon. Run to where he can't find you.
DeleteEwwwwwww! Poster, you married a dirty addict full of insecurity and all. Cant deal. Pack your things and flee jare. Fear ko, fear ni!
ReplyDeleteYou're are married to an ANIMAL!
ReplyDeleteAunty, quietly rent a smaller house without telling him and tell him he isn't invited. That is what my friend did before even asking for a divorce. This marriage is already dead.
DeleteYou are playing with fire.
ReplyDeleteHow can you still call this demon your husband? 7 years and God has kept yet you're scare of the unknown.
Why not leave first while you can then worry about what he'd do or wouldn't do after.
How can you be so scared of one man that is of no use to you? You pay the rent then he'd pound you and fuck you after.
It's baffling o and I don't understand you.
I pray you get the strength and sense to leave soon so we don't get a picture of you here saying RIP.
Your children deserve a mother done cut their dreams short.
I dislike women who need to be told that it's time to leave.
@Doppelganger, must you use the word fuck??? I can see you have no shame, sophistication or class this is why you were trying to market your wares yesterday's chronicle.
DeleteFuck you very much anon 16:13.
DeleteIs it your wares? You've mentioned this thing since yesterday. Did you sleep at all?
Hello house, please doppelgänger is for sell. Highest bidder wins, anon you can now kill yourself.
Doppelganger,
DeleteDon't sweat over anonymous jare.
Its not worth it
What is wrong with the word 'fuck'?
DeleteEducate us Mother Theresa.
Poster,I would have advised you to sit back and work on your marriage but nne,your life is at stake here!,..
ReplyDeletePlease run away from this mad fellow!...
Imagine you running the home with your money and he has the guts to be abusing you!,..
You see why I don't encourage women to be mingling with church rats cos they are always miserable!,..
Poster,if you know what is good for you,carry your children and move out to another place!...
she shouldn't knack pigeon on his head? hehehehehe
DeleteCarry her baby; with whose surname ?
DeletePooing on the floor kwA?
ReplyDeleteMy dear u are not married but caged.....only u can set yourself free.
Good luck
Yes oooo,there is nothing we will not hear oooo
DeletePoster don't move from him, wait until your parents comes and remove your dead body before sense comes.
ReplyDeleteI must remain Mrs. And by fire by force. You still get hands to write chronicles, no worry we go soon hear what a painful exit that our sister, daughter, wife, friend passed away
And You Waited For 7years Before Asking For Solution? Na Wa For Some Women Sha!
ReplyDeleteYeah
DeleteCos 7 is the number for perfection and she wanted the beating to become perfectly normal first naa.
Poster, since you are married to him and still run the house without any appreciation from him,why not leave him and shoulder these responsibilities in peace.
ReplyDeleteEvery minute of your life is in danger as Long as you continue to put up with him.
Same story.
ReplyDeleteDuring what supposed to be courtship, you were learning styles of sex instead of character.
This is the result.
And you know this because you were there? Stop this stupidity
DeleteDo you have sense
DeleteLMAO
Deletemy dear some people can hide their true colour for as long as it takes.
Deleteits takes only the grace of God to find a true spouse
Nobody wants to leave their horsebands...the jobless ones will say, how will I and my kids cope? He feeds us, he clothes us, I don't have a dime to my name, the working-class and independent ones will say, he will find me and kill me, I'm so scared...blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteGoodluck to you madam.
Don't you know that women are bipolar
Deletethe usual question ' what would people say?'
Deletethe same people that told Tiwa to leave her marriage are the same praising her for taking him back
my point is people are dynamic, so do whatever makes you happy and alive.
Women should stop caring about what people say. In ur marriage,dont try to look down on another couple and make them feel their case is bad and yours is a perfect...no fighting or quarreling marraige. And if you are complete in yourself, you wont need a man to make u feel good about urself. You will be able to command respect from him and treating you anyhow will not be an option for him.
Deletealso gather as much evidence and keep it with a trusted person.
DeleteI think you should leave that hegoat u call a husband before he kills you
ReplyDeleteI really do not understand the kind of advice some human beings want again.
ReplyDeletePoster with all the money you have, you are still living with that animal!? He doesn't give u money, you pay all the bills plus children's school fees and all he does is to abuse you physically and emotionally. Madam please divorce him
ReplyDeleteYou still dey there? What are you waiting for biko
ReplyDeleteRun to the police station and make a report for threat to life! The next time he starts ranting, pick up your phone and record everything he says. If he hits you again, snap pictures of everything!
Do not pay any house rent o! Rent another apartment and take your children....Run far far away from that animal before he finally fulfils his wish and kill you one day!
All you need is enough evidence and you're free
I concur
DeleteBefore you do anything, ensure you have made proper plans.
DeleteWith every plan ask yourself questions like, what if that fails? Ask many questions with what if. Then answer those questions with solutions too. That's giving you many options. It may be helpful if you get someone who is of a higher rank than him on your side.
Which police station abi the officers that beats their spouse as well.
DeleteNobody wants to leave their horsebands...the jobless ones will say, how will I and my kids cope? He feeds us, he clothes us, I don't have a dime to my name, the working-class and independent ones will say, he will find me and kill me, I'm so scared...blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteGoodluck to you madam.
Pipe abeg the tin Taya me. Anyway I no fit to advise you madam I'm sorry since I am not married yet abeg una marriages woman association for this blog abeg advise una mates no time!
DeleteYou really made sence pipi
DeleteGbam
DeleteBy the way queen and boss is an insane person
ReplyDeleteJust like stella I was going to say you should call the cops on him but dammit you are in Nigeria. Run away from him.Leave while you are still alive.
ReplyDeleteStella,you tell her to move out? With such type of man as husband.
ReplyDeleteNawaoooo???
Poster,if you have means.I advice you work for a visa or travel to Ghana with your kids.No body should know your whereabout.But I hope your relatives would be safe with your disappearance.sorry for the torture oo.
Goodluck
Will you give her a job in Ghana
DeleteUr father gv her work for ghana abi?
DeleteGhana kee u
Delete@lady prestige, you watch too much movies! Is it beans to relocate and get a good paying job? Poster, heed to the advise of 'my 2 kobo' let her connect you with the therapist. I detest long distance courtship.
DeleteLool @ "Ghana kee you".
DeleteStella,you tell her to move out? With such type of man as husband.
ReplyDeleteNawaoooo???
Poster,if you have means.I advice you work for a visa or travel to Ghana with your kids.No body should know your whereabout.But I hope your relatives would be safe with your disappearance.sorry for the torture oo.
Goodluck
Why Ghana?
DeleteThe man is armed and can kill her .She should add safety to her plan because the man seems obsessed with her and spirit of jealousy isn't merciful.Whatever plan,Think of your life because the man can be free if He should kill you.
DeleteAs for job,if you can afford 1.5m for house rent.you should have savings to start-up else where before you land another job.Look up to God for Providence.
hmm... is this a year of broken marriages??
ReplyDeleteAs i read through i kept wondering what youve been holding onto? i didnt read Love, Financial support from him, No peace or tranquility, not even compliments that comes free of charge... then it dawned on me that it must be that stigma that shackles most African women in dead marriages. 7yrs, for 7 good yrs uve lived in fear, that fear will end up killing you, dont think those his threats are idle threats....imagine youre still scared of being free.... pls lose that fear. FEAR IS A LIAR!!!
Love u boo
DeleteWow this is just wrong in all levels,sorry to say but your are currently living in bondage and ur husband knows you are scared of him that is why he has not changed or ammended his ways,such men need rough handling and women with guts...it might be scary being that he is an armed officer and all but surely no one is above the law,if he abuses you please report him to the authorities and if there is anyone he listens to call a meeting between him and the person or persons and give them an ultimatum that if he does not change and amend his ways before a stipulated time you are going to leave...thank God you are doing well and to me he needs you more than you need him so he has all to lose...marriages most times do have to end when it is not working out so u can channel all ur energy and love to your kids and not waste it on him or God forbid he ends up killing you
ReplyDeletePerhaps,her husband is d beast that said he beats his wife few days ago.God help you
DeleteSensible comment, odas r jst der insulting her wen she nids advice,i wonder evryday if some peeps av small brain @ all sef,imagine u dey cald a small boy some days ago giving dis kind of mature advice whras d popular blog visitors r der insulting n givin senseless advice upandan,mstcheew,madam pls be very careful,strategize n make sure u always av a plan B,so if plan A to work on d marriage proves futile,den u can use plan B,stop been scared as dat can further stop u 4rm thinking straight,do not pay d rent yet,exhaust d options of allowing his superiors talk to him,file a case wit a police station n leave a copy wit ur lawyer so he wud knw he shouldn't do anytn 2u cos he wil b held responsible.wateva decision u make,ur kids shud always be first in ur tots cos if anytn happens 2u 2day,d kids u stayed in an abusive marriage 4 wud become motherless so be wise.
Deleteso sad,pls move out of that house with ur kids before is too late.
ReplyDeleteYou are married to yourself. If you single handedly do all this things what are you still doing with that kinda man. Oh you want to remain a Mrs.
ReplyDeleteCan you not involve a lawyer and draft all legal actions agaisnt him already? The painful thing is that your children will be experiencing all this drama.
Get the hell outta the house and rent a small place for you and kid. Get your lawyers involved ASAP
typical Isaiah 4v1 woman
DeleteNo, I think she wants to ensure she dies a Mrs... probably sooner or later.
DeletePoster, you are independent and educated so y not save your life first and then take this issue to those bodies you could report a DV case to. Maker sure your alarm goes to the right bodies for your protection from that devourer. Imagine how much u have wasted on that locust all too no avail. Make a fast move madam, you are better off without all the threats cuz someday maybe soon he is going to actualise his pronouncements.
Yes, you made a mistake marrying him with all the baggage which u didn't see earlier. But what have you done to change this story? Ps dont stick to the first mistake only to have yourself making even greater blunders(such as wasting 7 more years/ bearing a child wiv him/...). You know you actually sound insane for sticking to this situation for 7 precious years of your life.
May God rescue you even as your act now.
Marjorie
U found out that he told u lies so he could marry during the honeymoon and u didnt file for annulment due to undisclosed details, u had to wait till u gave birth for him, seven years after marriage and now, u are complaining. Is it that women dont know their options? Hian!
ReplyDeleteWhat da hell??!!! 😮 I'm speechless 😢
ReplyDeleteSpeechless? Are u sure u don't hv a relation or sister that went thru same issue??
DeleteLmaooo I swear oo,Chikito please check well nd write a story for d poster
DeleteAnon 16:18- thankfully I don't. But I'm sure your mother is still going through the same situation. My condolences in advance. You actually sound like an abused terrified child. It is well, oh?
DeleteAnd you are Miss who again? Your akara never even done for this blog and you want to start with me? I advice you to go anonymous asap
DeleteCome Chikito are u foolish? Who has tym to be dragging post in a blog with u? Better respect your stupid self..go anon cos of u? Ina ayi ala...i dnt even want to talk to u,gat work to do! Onuku
DeleteThis is bad, doppel your help is needed, don't have strength to type.
ReplyDeleteMadam. are you sure you hv no fault of ur own? Are you a good woman and wife? cox I hv an uncle that used to a very guy until he married one good woman like that
ReplyDelete*bad guy
DeletePoop mixer! No, she is sure she has a problem of her own which is that being she is married to.
DeleteTwo, she is not good cuz even Jesus said no man is good except God when He was called good.
Finally, save your breath and dont pollute the air wiv your twarthed mentality.
Your uncle eventually decided to take up his responsibility in relating to the woman he met. It is called making things work. Can two walk together except they agree? Else, it would have been the case of him turning an angel into a devil.
Marjorie
May God help u
ReplyDeleteI just couldn't finish reading, I don't always comment on chronicles but I'm gonna do just that cos I'm super pissed...
ReplyDeleteWhat is your problem madam?Do you love your life? Do you care about the future of your kids and loved ones?I mean!!I can't say you're daft cos from your post you sound educated so why allow your self esteem and pride to be tampered on this bad?I'm not gonna ask you to stay away if you're willing to stand his shit but it's common sense for you to live for yourself, for your kid and for your loved ones..
Hmmmm.with what I've been seeing here eh...marriage is now looking somehow to me o.
ReplyDeleteI started to type but then words fail me. Dear poster, kindly report him to his superior or someone you know that can instill some sense into him because you don't have a husband you have a baby. So one man is the reason why you are fat? See to gain fat is easy but to loose it it's like mission almost impossible.
ReplyDeleteI don't even know if I made sense up there because I am just stunned reading this. This is some serious thing
Stella Armed officer not robber.
ReplyDeleteThis poster is between d devil n deep sea, damned if u don't leave, damned if u leave(death threats from an armed officer).
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteDont know where to start anyway, but why is it that out of 100% of armed officers, 90% are just like this.
Anyway, to me, would just say, u need follow dis man up with brain.. U will have to move out of that apartment and not to stay alone cuz of ur life is at risk but u have to move to ur mums place bug before that, u need go to ur mum, speak ti her abt ur home, explain all u have hidden from her cuz am too sure u have hidden enough from ur mum.
Speak ti her as ur everything, then u guyz we come up wih an idea and the best idea is going back to the village(i mean u),wih that, u will be able to settle down.
Gather up ur income and chabge ur location if u cant move to the village then start up a business but remember to seek for divorce(a compulsory one)if not, this man will kill u
Mc pinky
Jesus!! Jesus!!! Is this man a human being?? Haa my God Please leave there ezugbo! ezugbo!! Haa do you want to die..Move out from the house..how do u cope only you doing things for the house...Stella Pls enough of all these depressing marriage chronicles. I have serious phobia for marriage and commitments..ahn! ahn!!
ReplyDeleteYou should not subject yourself to that kind of destructive insults. A man that refuses to be responsible us very pathetic and annoying. Pls do what you know is best for you and your children. You are the one in the situation and you know the risks you face. No one can advise you more than yourself at this point. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteWhat are you enjoying in your marriage apart from maybe sex,that's when his not off his head. Be brave and leave that man today yes today. How can your parents be alive and see you suffer this way without doing anything. Armed official or not please think about your children's future.... is it a must to remain married unless they is something you are not telling us. I'm crossed abeg.
ReplyDeleteOnly one man so many terrible attributes...😒👎
ReplyDeleteWarrahell!!!
ReplyDelete#FLYGIRL
Is any top ranking officer or army general interested in you? If yes, divorce him and start dating the Army general, in that case u will be protected some how, coz an armed drunk is a deadly combo , wish u luck
ReplyDeleteposter, please be extremely careful what action you take. because this military horseband can kill you in this naija and nothing will happen to him.
ReplyDeleteThere is no excuse for a man to act and treat a woman that way@peace maker..
ReplyDeletePoster please leave that man because your life and your children's life are at stake.
There future is also at stake it could affect them mentally also if they have been witnessing it all.... please
Don't u knw peacemaker is senseless wen it comes 2giving advice on chronicles?i wonder who tampered wit his tots so bad dat he cnt wait to jump in on Evry chronicle n fault d woman,i jst pray u dnt become like dis men dat r been described in chronicles,infact wat i'm I sayin?i pray God gives u ur match as a wife cos obviously u r a violent man always looking 4an excuse or avenue to beat a woman so dis tins dnt sound weird to u bt may ur daughters n sisters nt suffer 4ur senseless n insensitive comments. Peacemaker my foot.
DeleteMadam.Ok U found out U married an irresponsible man on ur wedding day but u still went ahead with the marriage and hv children with him.
ReplyDeleteMadam why not leave. Maybe travel to a near by country .
ReplyDeleteThen start fishing and farming abi???
DeleteE sweet for mouth.
Your plight is rather unfortunate, you guys should go for counseling because I have noticed most people that send in their chronicles do so to make themselves look good at the detriment of their partners. From experience there is always a cause and effect principle for most people's actions. Though his actions are inexcusable n appalling may be you trigger some of this. Counseling will do u both a lot of good. I am anti divorce but as it is live threatening, a trial separation n may be divorce will be best
ReplyDeleteYour plight is rather unfortunate, you guys should go for counseling because I have noticed most people that send in their chronicles do so to make themselves look good at the detriment of their partners. From experience there is always a cause and effect principle for most people's actions. Though his actions are inexcusable n appalling may be you trigger some of this. Counseling will do u both a lot of good. I am anti divorce but as it is live threatening, a trial separation n may be divorce will be best
ReplyDeleteUr telling us u slept with one man b4 ur hubby is totally irrelevant + unnecessary.And u did not tell us how many times he gbensh u. I know of boyfriends & girlfriends that gbensh more than married couples.
ReplyDeleteIt's either U married as a Virgin or not.
Lol... To flog u with cane de hungry me
DeleteWic old woman hold ur sense inside pot 4benin? Na wa o,u r sure senseless,pls stop dropping ur mumu comments on chronicles, dnt even read dem,jst jump d post 2odas abeg. Tired of seeing u litter d comment section wit ur mumu comments,ekpa.
DeleteAm scared for you too sïnce you said he is an armed officer, and when u leave and he notices he has nothing then he will try to beg but if you refuse he may threaten you or kill you, God forbids. So my advice to you madam is to be careful and leave him but make all arrangement secretly. I'd prefer you leave the country with your kids for sometime. I wish you all the best
ReplyDeleteI dont know if i should advise you to stay or leave the marriage since he is an armed officer and in this part of the world,officers are above the law but i will say, madam you have indulged him for far too long,you pay the house rent,buy food stuffs and all.what happened to buying cereal and little baby food for your child while you take care of your stomach before returning home from work? Anyways, i think the best solution right now is you shouldn't pay the house rent, tell him you dont have money or your boss haven't paid your salary. Keep deceiving him until the landlord sends you all out and gently move in with your mum. That way,you wont be @ risk of loosing your life because running away from him is a huge risk,except you are completely moving out of the state you guys are presently and that may affect your job,you cant put your job @risk right now because you need that job now more than ever... Just carefully analyse your situation and take the easiest way out,dont put your life and that of your child @ risk please.
ReplyDeleteStay there until they carry your dead body. Your kids become motherless
ReplyDeleteWhat the heck are you still waiting for dear don't let one man destroy your life all in the name of MRS
Can he be reported to his superior?
ReplyDeleteDon't renew any rent, runaway with ur kids.
Supermom exactly....she should leave and report him to his superiors regarding the threat. There is nothing they fear like being reported to their superiors. Stand up to him and tell him you are going to report him to his superiors and let them know exactly what he has been doing and his threats to your life and your mom and see what he would do. Him go soft walahi.
DeletePoster I can imagine, I am going tru same. He has succeeded in putting fear in me. Doesn't let me go out so I sneaked out to see family. Only for me to come back and he started threatening me, almost wanted to beat me if not that I kept quiet. He said if I try it next time we both will leave this world.
ReplyDeletePls speak up b4 it's 2o late anon,talk 2ur family n his,let dem knw wat is going on,b4 he kills u n labels ur corpse a cheat or somtn more serious, pls pls speak up nw b4 it's 2o late,
DeleteWhat type of marriage is that? How can you be living in fear of an ordinary man? When you should have the fear of God. *smh*
DeleteMadam, it is only an insane person that will argue with an armed man! As much as I frown against the issue of moving out as solution to everything, this one your life is hanging by the thread. Why are you paying rent for a working class man? If he won't pay, take your children back to your parents place & continue paying for their education but NEVER PAY RENT FOR A MAN, unless he's bedridden or genuinely doesn't have.
ReplyDeleteEven if he doesn't have don't think it. I was there forming good wife, running upandan to raise rent. The stupid brokeass nigga was busy sleeping around. Omo I lock up and save my money. No time for bullshi
DeleteYou should have filed for divorce before consummating the marriage. You had reasons to. Now, I plead with you to pray for him. Go to a deliverance Church like CAC meet a strong pastor. Once he accepts Christ, you both rededicate yourselves to Him and engage in warfare prayers, You'll get back your man. It's a satanic manipulation, my dear. Pray the devil out of your home. Prayer changes things - I am a living witness.
ReplyDeleteNa wa...are u for real???
ReplyDeletePoster.Pls Try to lose some weight. Since he don't use to beat you before Maybe he now beat you bcox u are now fat.
ReplyDeleteKnowing that he is trapped with a fat woman for life could annoy + make him to lay his hands on you.
how old are you peace maker? why are children allowed to comment on serious issues? beats me!!!
DeletePoster, are you in lagos? You can move out and go to court to get restraining order against him. Comment under here so I can send you a number. A friend was in a situation.
ReplyDeleteThis union was built on deceit (not your fault) .Your Hubby has a lot of issues, ive realised that most jealous/over possesive guys don't know how to take care of a woman.
ReplyDeleteI hate broken homes but your home seems broken already.This is too much for one person to endure na.
If you are determined on leaving then you have to make a concrete before and after plan.Doesn't seem he will let you go just like that.
I like the fact you are strong willed please keep being strong for your kids.Its hard to respect/worship/be with a no good man.Does he have shame at all?? Stealing your money! If they say men should come out now he will follow.
Am having headache joor, all the best at your decision.WISDOM IS PROFITABLE TO DIRECT
Jeeeez! 7years with all this torture you called marriage? Poster you don't love yourself one bit if not you won't have stayed for that long
ReplyDeleteI don't even know what advice to give you sincerely
If your marriage is fixable, I pray God fixs it or else please run as fast as your leg can Carry before he Kills you.
ReplyDeletePoster, i"'ll advice u leave dat marriage now dat u still v d chance.my sister is in same mess but thank God she' wise enuf to lv with her children. Dis is marriage of 18yrs. Just lv so u can live long to enjoy ur children . shalom
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ReplyDeleteThe fact that you believed he's no more smoking claiming he had given his life to Christ was the greatest mistake i can deduce from your write-up and it's likewise the genesis of your problem. Apportioning blames is of no use at this point cos the deed has been done, so i'll suggest you move out of that marriage if you truly cherish your life and that of your innocent kids. You and your kids will surely live a meaningful life without him. And please put aside societal gossips cos all they will do when he beats you to death is just to type RIP. I pray that won't be your portion
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWomen and suffer head
ReplyDeleteLEAVE HIM PLEASE.
ReplyDelete@Tee_y
@ poster i deeply understand your plight, most women here advicing you to leave re in the same shoes like you but they are always the first to condem, i will advise you to work on your marriage first if such persist report him so that you can have a proof and also report him to your pastor, once he knows people are very much aware of his attitude he will adjust. You may wonder why i am giving this advise, no marriage is perfect, my husband has been without job for the past 12yrs now and i take care of everything and i mean EVERTHING i have 4kids God has been merciful. I donot cheat i believe God will reward me. please apply wisdom to very decision will must take.
ReplyDeleteI guss your hubby is from EDO or Niger delta.
You're your own husband then. Well done ma sir.
DeleteNo, he is igbo. Mtschew! Drop advice and go mbanu, u must mention tribe. As if bad behavior has monopoly of tribe. Common si eba puo. Nonsense.
DeleteAunty what is the meaning of what u have typed now?
DeleteDoes ur jobless husband cheat on you? Would you categorise your marriage as a DV case? If not ps dont ask her to work on that broken marriage her life is at risk for crying out loud!
Do u think 7 years in hell is 7 days?
Haba!!!
Poster get a lawyer and the court involved in this. Protect your life before you can get freedom.
Marjorie
Stella y have u constantly denied me freedom to comment on your blog? Except u just want me to be a read only BV. by the way I have been visiting your blog since mid last year.
I don't pity you people. Afterall you're MARRIED 😆 Count your tribalistic blessings
DeleteIf you like involve the catholic Pope, a man that has blocked his ears with stone will not listen. That's the same thing I'm experiencing now. After involving all the level headed parties, he's still forming
DeleteBecause u read, he drinks and smokes, that made him from Edo or Niger Delta??
DeleteMchewwwwwwww
I am shocked at what u are going through.
ReplyDeleteYou know what u need to do dear.
A violent thieving armed man? And jealous too.
Pls act before it's too late.
Sending u loads of warm hugs Dearie.
This too shall pass!
is well, you need prayers and Salomon's wisdom.
ReplyDeleteSalomon? Indeed!
DeleteSad,truly sad.
ReplyDeleteAfrican women and this thing called marriage!!! How can u sit down there with an animal producing kids for 7years ????? Wait, you think if he kills u those kids won't LIVE?? You will just die for NOTHING if you ever think that man will change. He is extremely IRRESPONSIBLE and there is nothing u can do about that. LEAVE with immediate effect, go to another state, somewhere, anywhere... Just LEAVE, Damn!!!
ReplyDeleteAfrican women and this thing called marriage!!! How can u sit down there with an animal producing kids for 7years ????? Wait, you think if he kills u those kids won't LIVE?? You will just die for NOTHING if you ever think that man will change. He is extremely IRRESPONSIBLE and there is nothing u can do about that. LEAVE with immediate effect, go to another state, somewhere, anywhere... Just LEAVE, Damn!!!
ReplyDeleteMadam poster get out of that marriage as fast as your legs can carry you. Paying rent for a man haba!!! Can't you save money for yourself. Leave fast before you end up six feet below.
ReplyDeleteSis is he a military person or para military? If military, u can report him at his command or division pls do not let ur kids become motherless he needs to be given restraint order so u can live ur lyf. I'm sure he has low self esteem.
ReplyDeleteMake a video recording of him in his disgraceful drunken state then pass this to a good lawyer who will help you through the process of filing for divorce. Get an apartment for yourself and move the hell out of that hell hole. If he threatens you any further or refuses to grant you divorce, send that video to his superiors at work. He will commit suicide.
ReplyDeleteIf you pay rent of 1.5, pay school fees for children not child cloths and feed them plus their papa then u are already a single mother. Na ring dey keep you? I don't want to comment RIP later
ReplyDeleteYou've got money and children what do u need a foolish man for?
ReplyDeleteAre both families aware of what is going on? Pls tell them. Tell him u don't have money for the rent, let the landlord disturb u guys then move to your mother's place.
ReplyDeleteBefore u leave, browse the internet for pictures and news about women that were killed as a result of DV. Tell him u want to have a heart to heart talk with him. Pour out your heart to him ,let him know u don't want to join the women in the picture as a result of DV. Let him know both of u can still work on your marriage if he promises to be a better hubby. KIndly be sure there's a third person in the house in case he gets irate. After the discussion u can go to your parents place so he will have time to clean up his act. If not ask for a divorce. DV must not be condoned.
Hi Stella and poster, concerning your comment about reporting a thief to armed robber, I want to highlight that each armed forces body has a functional internal disciplinary system, which they still fear (the only one I am not sure they fear is that within the police force). She should know the one available within the specific armed force body her husband is a part of. She should also get a lawyer and secure a court injunction and persuade the armed force to lean on her husband to respect the injunction.
ReplyDeleteIf he breaks the injunction, she should get evidence of him breaking it (time stamped picture of video) and report to the law and the armed force.
The husband clearly has very low self-esteem and bullying his wife is merely an ego boost. I feel sorry for him but his behaviour is unacceptable.
My elder sis went through such domestic violent. But that God she's enjoying her marriage.
ReplyDeleteToday's chronicle sound like hers. Her hubby acted the same way this woman's hubby did. The said part is that he a strong christian.
Not until one day I was around when his madness started, I took her permission to contact my dad.
To make a long story short my dad contacted human right. When he heard that human rights involved, he started looking for way to make peace with his wife. It's over two years now. We have not heard of any fight.
Secondly, since she said her husband is a uniform man. She should report him to his office. I guess uniform work has a law on a man not carrying out his family duty. His salary ll be slashed in three.. she ll take two part of it. N he ll be left with little or nothing
On the other hand poster should better run for her life cause some day he might do what no one ll be able to correct.
He needs serious deliverance ooo.... Smh
ReplyDeleteHe needs serious deliverance ooo...smh
ReplyDeleteDear poster, I have a few questions that may help. You didn't state what "armed" establishment he's with. Is it the police, navy, air force, army, civil defense or erm road safety? The military value family relationship above all else, so of he's a military personnel, let his office know. Have you tried not spending as much as home as possible? A man likes to feel and know he's needed and we, the so-called weaker sex, owe it to ourselves and marriage to let him keep that feeling. For you to be living in a house that costs N1.5mil means you either insisted on that house or he can actually pay rent but you've not let him. I won't advise you to stay, neither will I advise you to leave, but one thing I can advise you about is the fear. Snap out of it! You are trying too hard to sound like you still have self confidence, but in all honesty, he's abused it out of you or should I say he's emotionally wrought damage to your mental state that you no longer believe in yourself. You are strong, you are beautiful, you deserve happiness. If you've tried to be the best wife you can be and it isn't working, send the kids to your mum and try to talk to him. Be sure you can defend yourself in case demon wants to fart on his head. Make sure he's sober not high on anything before sitting him down. Please do not shed tears as this will be a sign of weakness. F
ReplyDelete*mistakenly sent the first post without finishing*
ReplyDeleteIf after all you try to do, he still doesn't start working on the marriage with you, best believe you're married to yourself. Don't give his threat any relevance(ie make him feel you're not taking it serious) but take precautions such as reporting it first to the police, then his office and finally NGOs that deal with DV cases. Take self defense classes(no, I'm not in the abroad, lol), a personal favorite of mine. Let the rent expire, please don't renew it. If you can move your money to an account he knows nothing about, do it and then tell him you were defrauded and can't pay the rent. Make it look legit. Play into his insecurities- you've got more money, you're beautiful. Compliment him. Generally, massage his ego and fish for compliments yourself, after a while. That is if you're still interested in the marriage. If not, please ask his folks over and yours too, maybe for brunch or lunch on a Saturday and tell them you're leaving your husband. I don't advise you tell him you're leaving when you're alone, neither will I advise you to just up and leave. All the forming mugu for him is in case you want to stay. Someone posted her experience and shared the solution that worked for her, so that's why I'm giving this advise. Now, on the flip side, if I were in your shoes, insulting my mother would have been the deal breaker. Mama wey be papa and mama to three children? Pesin just come insult am in the name of son-in-law? Them never born am well. I'm pissed for you o but you wear the shoe and know where it hurts. Gather the advice and insults from BVs and make up your mind. You owe it to your kids to raise them in a nonvolatile environment
There's every possibility your husband is depressed, or still hurting from a past relationship or incidence for him to be drunken high by noon everyday.
ReplyDeleteHe also could be jealous if your success, most men wouldn't want their wives to be more successful than them which is a wrong African mentality,you probably do things without asking for his help and he probably think you are flaunting your success at his face.
Give him time and space to do some stuffs, things required as a man to do let him come up choices and opinions don't be in a rush to pay rent, security and the likes of it,leave small monies where he can see it, don't keep to much in your wallet, don't argue with him and above all make sure he sleeps well at night if possible put drops of "sleep aids" in his drink or tea at night.
If he doesn't change gather evidences put your acts together and mooooooooovvvveeeee on cos if he doesn't eventually kill you, you will loose your sanity someday soon.
Personally for me. Smoking is something you cannot hide. Long distance or not, if a guy smokes you can tell. You can now choose to ignore it but it's there. So no point crying about it now. Now look forward to what can be done about it. Abuse of any nature is my own personal No No. I say leave him
ReplyDeleteWonderful Bvs,Thank you. I read all your comments and I appreciate.The take away for me is to try and work on my marriage this year.I sure have my own issues which I didn't state.
ReplyDelete@Meltingmozza and My two kobo.Thank you.I'm guilty as charged.I do not massage his ego.In fact, I stopped caring a while back because the baggage of hurt is much.Each time I try to move a step forward, he does something that takes me 50 steps backwards.
@Popeye, I can't believe i never thought of recording him in his drunken state.I have recorded a few conversations where he threatened me , but never a video.
To the anonymous' that asked about the rent.He cannot afford it. We weren't paying that much before.He destroyed the Landlord's property in his drunken state one day.This destruction was visible to everyone and we were issued a quit notice 6 months to our rent expiration.He didn't make any move to look for another place.When it was almost time, i had to look for a place and this was what I could find. I also saw a bottle of acid in one of our drawers about this time.I showed this to my parents.My Father told me to replace the content with water and observe what he wanted to do with it and mentioned it to his parents.But they called him and he said he only wanted to wash the toilet with it.
Stella,thank you so much. As much as I want to get out.I'm also scared of getting out(if that makes sense).
Poster 1, you are protected by the laws of the army and you are covered. Fear not!!
ReplyDeleteTake proof and go to his commanding officer to complain of husband beating, the army will protect you and he can't do anything to you!
Take back your life!