STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
Hello Stella,
Please treat as anonymous.
Please help me by posting this question and I need advice from my fellow bvs.
My sister has been married ( traditionally) for like 5 or 6 years now and she is yet to conceive in her marriage. She has blocked tubes the doctors say, though she has been undergoing some treatments.
Now the issue is that the husband is not supportive and is not willing to continue the marriage due to this lack of child and wants her out so he can bring in another.
Before all these, she encouraged him that they both put resources together and built a house and bought a car too. (He was staying in a one room before and never had a car before then)
Since he wants her out asap, We have requested she get her refund invested in the house and car? She has some bank tellers and receipts of materials bought and her payments contribution during the time they were building, though not all. After then she can leave him and start a new life?
Thanks:
* I dont know what to say,besides my knowledge of this limited to the Country i live in...All our investments are in both names whether it was done by one person or not and must be shared equally when couples decide to separate...MUST.
I dont know much about the law regarding this in Nigeria.
So sorry about your sister's condition,I pray God picks her calls soon.
Hahahahaha! Sorry i just had to laugh. Brb to read comments biko!
ReplyDeleteNne why laughing naaaa
DeleteWhat's so funny that made you laugh?
DeleteWetin dey make you laff sandy bad???😁😁
Delete*bae*
DeleteWhat is funny? Have you lost your sense of reasoning or you were rushing to comment fast.someone needs help in something this big, are laughing her coz her husband wants her out or coz she has blocked tubes or what I just don't get what is funny in this post
DeleteWhy are you laughing. Onye era ibagwa
DeleteSee jamb questions oo. Ok Maybe I forgot to specify. The part of getting her refund invested in the car and house which we know is almost impossible got me laughing. Poster, sorry o!
DeleteWhat is funny? That she has blocked tubes? she hasn't given birth yet or her husband is about ending the marriage? I don't understand.. It's clear you were in a rush to comment first.. Smh
DeleteBut why can't they try I.v..f? You don't need tubes to have a successful I.v.f to conceive your own child ( people even have triplets and quadruplets through I.v.f). If they can afford to buy a car and build a house,can't they afford I.v.f? Except there are other things wrong with the marriage you aren't telling us?
DeleteLook for Due process advocate on facebook. Contact Emeka Ugwuonye.
DeleteThis is his turf. Good luck.
She's married traditionally ONLY? My dear na only bags she get for the man's house ooo
ReplyDeleteMay Jesus fix it!
Her bride price was paid,meaning she was legally married.
DeleteThe Bible never talked about flamboyant white or court wedding, but did talk about payment of bride price.
😂😂😂 am sorry, but this is funny. Fan biko I no wan laff abeg
DeletePeople with reasoning like yours is what is wrong with us in this country.What's wrong with being married traditionally? Church wedding na just ceremony if you don't know.Customary law is still very much part of our legal system if you don't know.
DeleteTell your sister to take serrapeptase for blocked tubes. As for the house, if they say she has no legal grounds to it. She should wait until the house is empty, pack his things out and set half of it on fire. Hopefully he can quench the fire before his own half burns down as well.
DeleteSassy why do you choose to come after my innocent comment? Did I say it's wrong to be married traditionally? Are you even married?? You see why I can't deal with you??
DeleteIf you attack me once again, to God who made me ehn,thunder ga agbari gi uburu. Atulu Hausa do not go and look for a man that will marry you properly,stay here and be fooling yourself. Ewu Gambia
@fan, i had to re-read sassy comment to see where she actually attacked u. Its obvious u are demented hence the gibberish u just spilled. Like serzly, does ur head ache when u reason like a human being abi if them talk say married women should raise their hands, u go follow raise. You are such an excuse of a wife, mother, sister with this trash u ve wrtten up there. Ana ezuzughari oge nine!
DeleteFan Emmanuel na wah for u o wat did she say Dat made u utter dis ugly words to her na wah o op u don collect award as u don get husband nw
DeleteBible didn't talk about white wedding but Jesus said marry only one wife but traditional allows multiple wives and divorce for any reason while white wedding permits only one wife and no divorce on flimsy reasons,so which of the weddings do you think is following the biblical path?traditional is right but white wedding is a must for a good Christian.
DeleteFan emmanuel e bu Ewu Gambia! Wat da fuck is wrong with u? Are u crazy?wat sassy said is it not true? E bu oyi beribe'! U just a local fowl!u just come to stellas blog to be famzing! On a very gd day fan belt emmanuel I can't even employ u as my housegirl! U too native, too primitive for my liking! On a very gd day u can't even talk to people like me wen we see! U just be opening dat cesspit u call mouth and be yarning anyhow! Native Cockrel like u! Anofia!mscheeeew!
DeleteTraditional marriage in Nigeria is NOT legally binding. You can walk away without going to court. You can marry multiple partners traditionally but just one legally.
DeleteWhy can't your sister ask him to move out? He's the one who wants out of the marriage so he should leave.
If you marry a man in court & church but you didn't marry the man traditionaly just knw you are not married,traditional is the major marriage the rest is Ceremony & legal back up. A man that marries a woman traditionally can't chase here away without proper consultation from both families, until the dowry is return she still remain his wife.
DeleteIs very simple, the man should leave the house for her, or refund back to her every money she contributed in building the house and the car. God forbid I will join money with any man to build.
ReplyDeleteWhy should d man leave d house for her. Both of them put money together. And she has no kids in which you consider d man moving out for thier comfort. If he leaves she should pay him. If she leaves he should pay her.
DeleteThere nothing wrong with supporting your husband and building your life together. That's how it's supposed to be. Is it the man that will provide everything? You self don't you have financial value? Na only kitchen and bedroom you get value. Na wa oh.
She should go ahead and collect every damn thing from him. Now is the time for him to be supportive to his wife, instead he isn't. She supported and kinda made him who he is and all he can think of right now is how to send her out because she can't conceive? That man is selfish and doesn't deserve an ounce of goodness from her to him. She should leave him alone while taking her things with her then face her medications.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more rocky....that man ios evil and i pity the next woman who he is trying to get married to next
DeleteHe should support her in this trying time yes. But did she really make him who he is? She did not single handedly fund the house and car. They put money together as husband and wife. Which is right. If he married someonelse thats how they would have put heads together too.
DeleteSo sad.....
ReplyDeleteBut she should make sure that everything is shared equally or accordingly.
If not another woman will come n reap where she did not sow
Get a lawyer
ReplyDeleteSge should have tried ivf with the mo eu they used in building house, na so one of my yeye friend wey get problem, bought £45,000 Mercedes instead of looking for a woman to do ivf with at 47 , he doesn't have a child , people should set their priorities right
Deleteyour sister should get a refund. the man is wicked. if its a man having issues getting a woman pregnant the woman will stay and try to look for solutions but if its the man, he will chase her out kmt
ReplyDeleteVery nice ! But she should be prepared to live in a hell-like home before such is provided.
ReplyDeleteWhat tribe is he?
What brought issue of tribe here? Nawa ooo
DeleteLet her insist, infact let her have the house, he can keep the car.
ReplyDeleteAmen to your prayers Stella
ReplyDeleteIt isn't going to be easy oh, but with the help of a good lawyer she can be able to recover all she invested.
ReplyDeleteLong live SDK
Will he budge? Let her take serrapeptase for atleast 2months and do flushing thrice, an Indian doc does it in his hospital in lagos, can't remember d name, or hydrotubation twice.
ReplyDeleteSince she has proof of her contribution to the house and the car, she should take everything to her lawyer (just that she's not married in the court and I don't know if a lawyer will be of great help to her).
ReplyDeleteShe should try and settle it amicably with her soon to be ex-husband.
Things like this, makes me hate it when some women build houses and buy properties with their husband that they have no child(ren) for.
If you must do anything with your husband in,that Nigeria, make sure you both has kid(s) together and also that your name is boldly written on every documents of the said properties or business..
It's not the man's fault that he want out though, the want a child of his own (many women here will support the woman if reverse was the case), but he should try and settle his,present wife.
My dear, the court recognizes traditional marriage. Even embassy sef recognise am as they wont give you fiance visa if they found out you are married traditionally.to them you are married and should file as married couple.the west also have common law marriage which is even below traditional marriage yet the court recognises it. She should not move an inch until everything is equally divided. Get her a lawyer if she cannot afford one, get a human right lawyer for her.
DeleteWhen I say it's solely a man's job to take care of things like accommodation(shelter), they would say "two have become one, they can contribute money..". Can you see? A woman can buy her car if she so desires, but this contribution thing doesn't always work in the long run. Mostly in this evil and selfish generation.
ReplyDeleteThank you 😊!!!
DeleteI can contribute but if anything happens, I won't be a dove and hand it over to you on a platter of gold.i sure as he'll won't be contributing to build any house on your father's land abi ancestral home.
DeleteExactly
DeletePoster i'm sorry for all your sister has been through
ReplyDeleteLeft to me I'd say let her leave all of that for him and just move on with her life... i believe God has better plans for her! Cos you don't know the extent that stupid horseband of hers is ready to go just to make sure she doesn't get anything, so let her leave with her life intact.
As for your sister's condition, there is nothing impossible for God to do. She just needs to have faith
I concur.
DeleteExactly let her leave everything for the man,another man will meet her and marry her properly,thank God she didn't do white wedding so it will be easy for another man to marry her and by the grace of God she will be rewarded.
DeleteI like u #NoHomo
DeleteIn one word, you want to help your sister to end her marriage ? Instead of you to help your sister and see her become a mother, you are after what you can get out of the marriage. You guys are evil.
ReplyDeleteWill he impregnate his sister?
DeleteThe man don't want again,do you want her to die there
Go back and read properly.
DeleteOlodo radarad,omo oko ilesa
Shut your mouth!
DeleteThe evil one here is that stupid hubby of hers... who doesn't want to stand beside her now that she needs him most! Very selfish animal
E be like sey you no read the post. The man no want am again so make she tanda there? When another woman is on her way in.
DeletePoster, let ur sister get a lawyer. Traditional marriage is recognised in the legal system nau.
DeleteIn fact contact DPR on Facebook
DeleteWhat to do, tell your sister to share the house into two, car into two. Each person take their half and go. Afterall someone in one chinko country did it for the wife. He shared everything into half.
ReplyDeleteSorry for what your sister is going through. Dont let her loose at all. The man must leave the house and car, then he can go and marry another woman.
I am suspecting the man has the problem not your sister.
Why will you suspect that? After the poster has said doctors have already done tests. I'd the man was at fault he will not be in a hurry to leave because he will still not be able to impregnate anyone else. He is leaving bcos he thinks he can marry someone else and have kids.
DeleteLove is blind. But wisdom is the key. No matter how drowned in love. A house that is funded by both the man and the woman must and should carry both names most especially the land document. Mr and Mrs XYZ. Nigerian women dont be in a rush to finance any property with your husband until you have a seed in the family. If you must join your husband to build any house make sure its done on a neutral plot of land bought by both parties cus if you assist your husband in building a house on his plot of land. na one chance you enter. yes you can claim the house and he will simply tell you to remove your house that he needs his plot(land). it has happened in Benin several times.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster your sister does not stand any chance unless the man decide to compensate her willingly but legally she cant claim anything. The wedding is not even recognised by law. No document signed. All he needs to do is to return the bride price thats is less than 10,000 Naira depending on the tribe and life goes on. There is already another woman in the picture and she may be pregnant already.
Tell your sister to move on. The God that raised her up in the past will raise her again to build a better house in future and bless her with fruit of the womb.
Seconded
DeleteI like that she has leverage. Use it to the fullest. If he no pay, make she no commot!!! And she can drink one fertility drug during this period n carry belle :)
ReplyDeleteor do IVF
Lawyers in the house should please give legal advice in this regard. Lots my be going through this and dying insilence.
ReplyDeleteEyaaaah.
ReplyDeleteI really feel for her,I don't like it one bit when women are treated like second hand citizens bcos they could not conceive on time.
Tell her to get a good lawyer and request for the house,cars and every other investment she contributed in to be sold and the money share equally.
May they Good Lord comfort her in this trying time.
Nigeria is a lawless country,your sister is a very difficult situation.
ReplyDeleteawwww..so sad. may she find healing in all ways
ReplyDeleteIt is so rash for a man to treat a wife this way.
ReplyDeleteApart from taking it up legally with the pieces of evidence she has if she wishes,
she can also leave him and concentrate in her life and career.
Seek God and make peace and find peace.
For he that pays good with evil, evil will never leave his house; so says the good book.
Sell the house and car and divide the payment equally.
ReplyDeleteChai umunwoke eeh!
ReplyDeleteI am more interested in this your sister making peace with God who is the judge of all.
ReplyDeleteBlocked tubes and causes; foremost is septic abortion, STIs, PID etc. (google this pls)
How did she live her life before she got married. Ask her to talk to you; it will help her to unburden her heart (that's if you do not know already).
And let her forgive and forget this man she calls a husband because he isn't fit to be called one.
She had a ruptured appendix and they needed to cut through her intestines to stitch her back. According to the doctors they were meant to clear blockages of the tubes when she was okay or something. I think way back the technology of then and now have different methods of doing that I believe.
DeleteBut why didn't they try I.v.f? You do not need tubes to conceive through I.v. f? She could even be blessed with twins,triplets and even quadruplets through it.
DeleteAlso remember to tell you sis to refund all the money he has ever spent/used to take care of her, from food to hospitals bills to pocket money to the least you sister could remember of...and let the man return all the food and sex she has invested too...ochicha
ReplyDeleteNB I don't support the man, he's such a coward to me, but you thinking of property than your sister happy ending, M kind of confused, and moreso I think your sister has been waiting for this all along for her to kept those tellers
And for the husband be man enough, forever you vowed, worst or better you stated, if you want to remarry do the needful...anyway can I even make sense on matter like?....
Kedu Ife ona ako?
DeleteNo you can't, shut up
DeleteIf the house and car isn't in her name there's no court that will coerce the man to pay. Please leave him for God and let her go her merry way.
ReplyDeleteShe should be the one to kick the man out of the house! That's how they do it over here!
ReplyDeleteAnd someone I know purposely did the church wedding with his wife after 3 years of been married traditionally and still ttc'ing'. His reason was he felt God was withholding his children because he hasn't married his wife completely. It's been 1 year since the white wedding, still no show. Different strokes for different folks I guess
ReplyDeleteEyaaah,the man is a good man
DeleteGod of oyedepo pls,pick all the TTC couples call.
You and your sister are not serious. She lived with a man for 5-6 years no child and the man wants her out and all she needs is a part of her investment from the marriage. What a life. What happens to those years she wasted with the man. Who will pay for the wasted years? cooking, washing, sleeping with the man?
ReplyDeleteIf she is doing house maid for someone, she will have made alot of money for 5 years.
My dear, your sister should just leave the marriage and cry to her God for a miracle. There is nothing impossible for God to do. I have seen women that left their first marriage due to childlessness and are smiling today because God has picked their call.
There are so many ways to get a child these day. IVF, adoption and surrogate etc. The man did not even suggest any of these, all he wants is for your sister to move out so that he will bring in another woman.
Let your sister keep wasting her time with a man that does not need her in the name of waiting for compensation. Soon the man will start beating her or give her poison out of frustration.
Leave and allow God to compensate her with a man who adores her as a woman. She can get a widower who does not need children again and the man will treat her like queen. She can also get a man who will accept the other options of getting children.
Marriage is for better for worse and the man feels his own is for child or no marriage. leave him and let God in.
Solaria nice one!ur write up is so on point! Enough said! Well done!
DeleteGbam!
DeleteLool! Your first paragraph got me laughing
DeletePoster your sister is legally married to her hubby according to the bible, its the bride payment God recognized not the church or registry in the society
ReplyDeleteSecondly if really your sister want to leave she should only ask for what has her name on,the properties or land that has her name on it bcos she can't charge her hubby to court bcos their marriage is not reconigsed by the society
Better still she leave the man to God but I believe in miracles, God can still do it
I pray she get the desire wisdom to tackle the problem
Tiwa
If she is in the UK she can fight for part of the property because she has the receipts to prove she contributed. All she needs is God's intervention and a good lawyer.
DeleteShut up,Jesus Recognizes church wedding because it doesn't permit divorce while in traditional marriage multiple women and divorce for no reason is allowed.
DeleteU see the way we throw away our tradition & embrace white man tradition tomorrow we say white men treat us like 2nd class citizens while we actually do that to our selves, in African traditional marriage is the major marriage & legal if a man marries you traditional & marries another in church, the woman that her father collect her dowry is the authentic wife go & ask elders. Wow church wedding is mere society ceremony.
DeleteHave an Aunt that got married to her man in Catholic Church but yet to marry traditionally when she had issues with the man the husband came to report to our family we simply told him that we don't knw him as our inlaw & as far as we are concern our sister is not married, when the man died our family make sure our sister didn't mourn him cos they are not married.
She shouldn't leave until he gives her the money she contributed in building the house and the car. God will see her through. It is well with her
ReplyDeleteYou and your sister are not serious. She lived with a man for 5-6 years no child and the man wants her out and all she needs is a part of her investment from the marriage. What a life. What happens to those years she wasted with the man. Who will pay for the wasted years? cooking, washing, sleeping with the man?
ReplyDeleteIf she is doing house maid for someone, she will have made alot of money for 5 years.
My dear, your sister should just leave the marriage and cry to her God for a miracle. There is nothing impossible for God to do. I have seen women that left their first marriage due to childlessness and are smiling today because God has picked their call.
There are so many ways to get a child these day. IVF, adoption and surrogate etc. The man did not even suggest any of these, all he wants is for your sister to move out so that he will bring in another woman.
Let your sister keep wasting her time with a man that does not need her in the name of waiting for compensation. Soon the man will start beating her or give her poison out of frustration.
Leave and allow God to compensate her with a man who adores her as a woman. She can get a widower who does not need children again and the man will treat her like queen. She can also get a man who will accept the other options of getting children.
Marriage is for better for worse and the man feels his own is for child or no marriage. leave him and let God in.
You and your sister are not serious. She lived with a man for 5-6 years no child and the man wants her out and all she needs is a part of her investment from the marriage. What a life. What happens to those years she wasted with the man. Who will pay for the wasted years? cooking, washing, sleeping with the man?
ReplyDeleteIf she is doing house maid for someone, she will have made alot of money for 5 years.
My dear, your sister should just leave the marriage and cry to her God for a miracle. There is nothing impossible for God to do. I have seen women that left their first marriage due to childlessness and are smiling today because God has picked their call.
There are so many ways to get a child these day. IVF, adoption and surrogate etc. The man did not even suggest any of these, all he wants is for your sister to move out so that he will bring in another woman.
Let your sister keep wasting her time with a man that does not need her in the name of waiting for compensation. Soon the man will start beating her or give her poison out of frustration.
Leave and allow God to compensate her with a man who adores her as a woman. She can get a widower who does not need children again and the man will treat her like queen. She can also get a man who will accept the other options of getting children.
Marriage is for better for worse and the man feels his own is for child or no marriage. leave him and let God in.
This is sad. It is well with her and I pray God remembers her soon.
ReplyDeleteEhya, such hard situation. In Nigeria where family deprives the widow and kids of the late husbands properties. Maybe the lawyers here can be of help.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your sisters situation, a great and deserving man will locate her.
MrsBee
Exactly what my Step Dad did to my mum.......the new woman killed him,his death was slow,miserable and painful. she shouldn't bother because no law would protect her. pick up the broken pieces,raise your head high and see how things would fall in places.
ReplyDeleteLADIES BE CAREFUL HOW YOU LIVE WHEN SINGLE:
ReplyDeletetubes get blocked when babies are killed in the womb and when sexually transmitted diseases are acquired and poorly treated.
Now, it is hard to detect some diseases in women if there are no discharges. Most times, it is when a man she has sex with get infected that she realizes that she is infected. This is not so with the man due to the fact that his urine and semen comes from the same tract.
So ladies, when you are "swimming in it" and "happening babe", know what you are doing to yourself to avoid stories like this.
We ladies seem to have the shorter end of the stick; let's call a spade by its name.
What about people who get infection from toilets,you are very very daft.
DeleteThis is a lesson to all women, no matter the love be sensible. Never buy a property or car or finance any project with a man without your name on it. Insist, even if the man is angry, don't be moved, he will get over it. When my hubby bought a land without putting my name on it when I gave him a better part of the money, there was hell no. He had to go and change it to Mr and Mrs. He knows there will be no peace in that house. And I made him understand that if he doesn't,my one kobo will not drop for as long as that marriage lasts. And that is in our first year of marriage. This is our 10th year. Love does not equal stupidity. You can be in love and reason properly.
ReplyDeleteExactly,my own husband puts only my name in everything he acquires.
DeleteHe should compensate her for those years and also share the properties with each taking his or her due
ReplyDeleteI have been dating th is lady for 4 years now, engaged and traditional suppose to be next month but she said no feelings for me... What should I do? Is right to marry a lady that doesn't have feelings for u or I should end everything though I love her
ReplyDeleteWomen though! You agreed to marry a man and you are telling him you have no feelings right before the wedding. Oga postpone the ceremonies till she is in love with you. Also give her space too. She might not know she loves you because you are always there. Let her miss you small and I believe you will see a big difference. If not find someone that will appreciate your love.
DeleteEnd it pls
DeletePls quickly end it, she dsnt evn hv feelings? How did u get to 4yrs?? Infact contact me, i need to talk 2u
DeletePoster. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister's problem
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to say anything concerning her investment in that marriage considering how heartless our Nigerian men are.
Now to the issue of blocked tube. I had my child with 1 functioning but blocked tube then but it was opened before I was able to conceive
If you ask me I will advice you look for a competent private hospital there in Nigeria where she can go for treatment or let her Dave money and apply for visa to any European country or even America when she gets there she can get her tube cleared then go back and ask her husband for one last sex I bet you she will conceive or she can move on with her life and get another man
Let her stay clear from local herbs they won't help a blocked tube need nothing but to be blown out
Good luck to her
Your sister was married properly since her bride price was paid and people witnessed it. That man is impatient and does not know GOD one bit because if he does, he would have been supportive. Meanwhile, your sister should trust God for a miracle, on the other hand, that house should be sold if the man still insists. HIGH COURT full ground for Naija shah.
ReplyDeleteNo body is saying that the sister is not properly married,only that court marriage is needed for a time like this.
DeleteTrad marriage isn't proper marriage,because you can easily leave your partner or even get more partners as a man without tradition frowning on it,it is better for a woman to do all marriages because any woman can come in at anytime and do the white wedding with the man and everyone will recognise her as the main wife,it took my hubby one week to arrange for my bride price ceremony after investigations have been done on his family as required by tradition but it took us 1year to do the white because of the rigourous requirements,e.g. marriage class,banks if marriage(i.e. the church making sure you are not in any existing marriage etc)but in traditional a man can wake up and take 20wives and it will be seen as normal,as a good Christain,church wedding is a must.
DeleteWhy do Nigerians believe that traditional marriage isn't legal. As long as the bride price was paid it is legal and binding. Ask any legal professional. Why do you think some Churches do not wed you until you present proof of your trad marriage? Please traditional marriage is legal and recognized in the world don't be deceived. The woman can take the husband to court and the case could be determined in her favour. Do not let our 9ja mentality prevent we ladies from rising to the top.
DeleteHm, it is well with your sister. i pray God answer her soon. Amen.
ReplyDeletePlease, read the comments carefully. Your Sister, should ask her Hubby to buy her out. This means, he will give her the amount she put in for the house above Car. Once he does that, she needs to move on. He better pray for God to give him a baby popping machine because l have seen situations where the new wife also did not have kids. Your Sister should not curse him. She should leave without crying in his presence. She should not beg him also. God has not forgotten her. She will come back and testify here. Everyone needs to say a prayer for this Woman. It is well.
ReplyDeleteposter,am sorry but your sister will not get anything out of that union unless the man decides to hive her something.though traditional marriage is a form of marriage in its right,the law does not recognize it so she cannot get any divorce settlement even if she hires a SAN to defend her.well,there is hope for her if her name is in the property deeds.other than that,nothing can be done.i'd suggest your sister leaves peacefully and you guys should help her get her life back.your sister should allow God judge that man for not upholding the sanctitity of marriage
ReplyDeleteOne person should take house,the other should take car..
ReplyDeleteAll ds join money thing sef.
Sweetheart, since she got married according to native law and custom (traditional marriage) she cannot petition any court to divide and share their assets. That's the disadvantage of not getting married under the Act (Registry or a Church licensed to issue marriage certificates). The law which applies in your sister's case, is your traditional law and custom. So it depends on how such issues are resolved in your village.
ReplyDeleteAs for the dissolution of a traditional marriage, all that is needed is for the bride price to be returned to your in-laws, that automatically ends the marriage. The reason people who did only traditional marriage go to court is where a child or children are involved and custody/upkeep becomes an issue. Another reason is if the husband refuses to accept the bride price. In that case, the wife petitions the Customary court to dissolve the marriage and accept the bride price which will be paid into the Registry, and that ends the marriage.
If your sister is hell bent on getting back her investment, she can file a civil suit for the refund of the monies she spent, especially as she has receipts. Now here comes the tricky part, it can be argued that since she gave the money while they were married, not as a loan but as part payment for a joint venture, the court lacks the powers to compel her ex husband to refund the money because they were not married under the act. On the flip side, it can be argued that since her ex husband was the one who ended the marriage because she couldn't bear him children and in spite of that she still loves her husband and was willing to stay married but he insisted that the marriage ends, she has no choice than to ask for her money so she can start all over. You see? It can be argued both ways.
The burden of proof in civil matters is on the preponderance of evidence and balance of probabilities. In layman's terms, whoever has the more convincing facts. Most courts, especially if presided over by female judges, will be more sympathetic towards a woman thrown out of her husband's house because she doesn't have children after "only" 5 or 6 years of marriage. "Only" because in the eyes of the court, 5 or 6 years isn't long enough for a marriage to break because it produced no child/children, especially when the wife had given her husband the permission to get children outside the marriage.
ReplyDeleteHowever, my darling, if I may be so bold to suggest, my advice for her is to let it go and see how God will fight for her, especially if she is financially capable of moving on without the refund. Legal battles can be very messy and can drag on for years. I know it doesn't sound fair or even rational but there are certain battles better fought in silence at the Feet of Jesus. I can imagine how used and shortchanged she will be feeling. From what I read, it appears she helped him find his feet and attain the heights he is at presently but the truth is only God can adequately reward your sister for her labour of love.
Let's assume he gives her 50 million Naira for all her troubles. How much can heal her broken heart or wounded spirit? Can you really put a price tag on all the sacrifices, support, pain and suffering she had to endure? My darling, let go and let God. She shouldn't act like a woman scorned even though it is well within her moral and legal rights. Let her leave with her dignity intact and "sow" all she spent as a seed into his life. I can assure you, he will be the one to pursue her round town begging her with 10 times what she spent in the marriage but by then she will be so blessed that the money will mean nothing to her. She will even give him double that amount as a "thank you" gift for allowing her find what true happiness feels like.
She has the right to pursue legal actions but with my nearly 17 years of active legal practice, 7 of which were for criminal matters and 10 years for Arbitration and conciliation, I strongly advise against legal actions because she may most likely win the battle but lose the war. That situation where you finally get what you want but you realise it wasn't worth the journey you passed through to get it. My darling, whatever she decides, make sure she has had the time to calm down so she doesn't react out of wounded emotions. All the best, my love.
#e-bearhugs.
My dear if he can't pay her then the house should be divided shikena. If it's 4 flats they should take 2 flats each, if it's bungalow or duplex then it should be renovated and turned into a detached house. The car should be sold and the money shared equally. That man is a bastardized fool, after spending 6 years with her he wants to send her away with nothing,he is mad.
ReplyDeleteThis is why you're as single as a dollar bill...read the 2 comments above and receive sense. We're talking about laws here, not emotions and sentiments...na so una go dey offer advice from the pit of hell. The stupid sister sef, instead of finding a way to persuade the man & preserve the marriage, you're here posting chronicles on top another person matter. Issorite...you have heard the crowd & few sensible ones, make una make choice but beware of them shouting divide and leave, they'll be the first to mock your childlessness and crashed marriage tomorrow!
DeleteUr sister can only get divorced in a customary court. She can pleas all the receipts she has in her documents and make a claim for the money in her pleadings. She should also try to get credible witnesses that can testify on her behalf.
ReplyDeletePlease what can a credible witness testify in marriage the witness isn't part of? She's now thinking of getting a refund because the marriage is about to crash? After she willingly contributed to building a house and purchasing a vehicle WITHOUT CONDITIONS OR CAVEATS? As painful as it sounds, this one doesn't have a claim, seeking for compensation to move on with her life is one thing but seeking a refund based on some useless receipts is laughable. What if this man claims he gave her the money to go buy the materials & the receipt just happens to be in her name? It's messier than we can imagine
DeleteToo many ignorant people on this blog. Customary law marriage is very much recognised and she can claim and get what she wants from a customary court. .
ReplyDeleteThere a a well celebrated case on law I think onjie v Onjie. Facts - They separated after trad marriage for like 10yrs after the man died the woman laid claim to his estate even after he married other wives in church.
The customary court ruled in the first wives favour that was married traditionally.so pls u guys should get ur facts rite bf u adivise.
The not so ignorant SAN...this one never die nah, e say e no wan do again
DeleteI pray you and your sister get d hope you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteIti akwu...they're looking for help NOT hope
DeleteI pity your sister. My only pray for her is that God will remember her. Lesson for all married women please open your eyes when you're doing any investment with DH
ReplyDeleteHomewrecker!!! DH should also open eye when doing investment with the wife. What type of marriage do y'all have? Everyone is trying to outsmart each other in marriage? Abeg no be competition, this isn't child's play, na so so local champion mentality everywhere.
DeleteAm really sorry about your sister's situation. Please I also recommend you read ronalda's comment and advice your sister wisely. Am also a lawyer that believes issues like this should be treated more objectively and less emotional. Legal action is not always the answer. All the best
ReplyDeletePoster i hope your sister has sought other hospital opinions cos atimes her hubby might have connived with the doctors where she is receiving the treatment. Its possible cos it happened to a family friend whose son was the one with the problem and planned with the doc to put the blame on his wife.
ReplyDelete