The winner get 1500 worth of airtime.
If you copy a gist,please state your source and if it your original gist state your source,we dont care as long as it is funny!
BV Beloved will be counting to see the winner...Saturday and Sunday will have one winner each but if there is no winner today,then we will wait until tomorrow.
I need a BV who deals in recharge cards to contact me as i want to buy 50k worth of recharge cards...I am scared of falling victim to fake cards especially as i have announced it now,some people will plot their scam.
I will only accept if you are a known BV Selling!
Please contact me later this evening!
Oya o come and make us laugh
ReplyDeleteIt is Christmas eve
Make I try,
DeleteYesterday I got a text from Fidelity Bank Plc, asking me to visit their branch at Owerri to pick my xmas gift, unto say I be one of their best customers...
Early this morning, I hired cab of 10k to and fro and drove from Aba straight to awka make I run go carry my gift before e go finish.
I waited for over an hour before this pretty lady brought to me a small fancy bag containing "a Diary, a Pen and 2 Wrist Bands"
Right now am still standing in the banking hall wondering where I have gone wrong..
why do bad things happen to good people?
Only a naija girl will allow you kiss her,take off her top,remove her jeans and bra and she will suddenly ask you......what do you want to do??????????no baby I want to join MMM.....nonsense!!!!.lolz
DeleteLol @ Abamade
DeleteLol Abamade, this is so hilarious 😂😂😂😂
DeleteAre you an MMM investor?
ReplyDeleteYou are Cordially invited to a 7 day powerful fire vigil
at Fire For Fire (FFF) International Ministry Iyanapaja.
*Theme:* *DA OWO MI PADA KIO SI GBA OWO MI FUNMI OLUWA* by 9pm prompt on 25th December, 2016. Be there...!
*MMM: MOLE, MOBA, MOTUNGBAPADA.*
*copied*
Stale!
DeleteIt's a lie, it's still goldie
DeleteIHG 1.
ReplyDeleteHilarious tweets from the #headies2016 show:
Wizkid wearing sun shade&hood @night inside a roofed edifice,my broda r u addicted 2criminology abi na small pikin da worry u? #headies2016
#headies2016
Teacher: Olamide
Students: Absent ma
Teacher: Patoranking
Students: Absent
Bad picture quality: Present @headiesaward
Welcome to the headies 'CONDITIONS FOR Performance
Artist Must be Over 40 years
Must be Forgotten
Winners Must Not Attend
#headies2016
The jokes on twitter are even more entertaining than the actual show 😭😭😂 #Headies2016
It's people at the venue I pity... I'm home I can vex and sleep, they can't 😂 they would be forming 'I must enjoy my money' #headies2016
Things you could've used The headies ticket money for..
1. MMM
2. 2 cartons of Indomie
3. Powerbank
4. Iphone original charger. #headies2016
Looks like d award was wat was still kipin Phyno @ d #headies2016 .
Nigga just grabbed d tin waka dey go house.
Him go don near house by now
At d rate the #headies2016 is going tonite, dem go need to bribe me with Mama Sikiru zobo & Top Notch Popcorn for me to watch next year own!
I had more fun watching my Facebook group's end of year get together on fone than watching the #headies2016 show from my flat screen TV !!!
Regular5,000.0
VIP15,000.0
VVIP25,000.0
Tables for 8- 1,000,000.0
i'd rather lose my money in MMM than 2 pay for the headies
#headies2016
Which is more painful: Burning my precious fuel to watch the #headies2016 or having a sleepless night to watch Throwback Thursday?
Please this throwback won't be complete without Danfo drivers, African China and Benita 😏#headies2016
I won't be surprised if Dagrin performs at #headies2016 tonight.. D dead artists dey re bringing is beyond my comprehension 😏
I was ao shocked to see tony tetula at the headies. I didnt know he was still alive. Where you supprised?retweet if you were. #headies2016
And Falz refused to come out and collect Simi's award on her behalf. Has the Chemistry experiment gone wrong? #headies2016
Abeg, make em collect that camera from that I.t student hand, e dull dis headies o!!
#headies2016
I swear our SS3 last socials was better than this.... And that was 11 years ago #headies2016
U need to see me handling Dstv, TV and Sound sytstem remote controls....Headies has turned me to sound engineer ooo #Headies #Headies2016
The headies looking like a departmental dinner/award party!!!
They got no sense #Headies2016
#Headies SMH... Picture quality be looking like nta2 channel 5.. Volume going up and down just like naira nd dollar .. #headies2016
they got eedris to perfom.. awwww how cute. atleast they helping the needy.. abeg nepa take this light make i sleep. #headies2016 🖓👎
I think it's because they're doing oldies music and all so they're trying to match the filming quality of back then.Only excuse #Headies2016
The only difference btw The Headies Award & my street Carnival is d venue. Artist are even Absent at d Overhyped Award.
*ghanaman signing out*
I hope this wasn't meant for laughs cos this is as dry as the harmattan we are missing in lag. Smh
DeleteLol @Joy.....dry as harmattan
DeletePlease i need stories that will crack me up big time cause am feeling some how now!
ReplyDeleteThanks to all the story tellers in advance!
Am so happy to announce to you all that I have finally found my SOULMATE.my dear friends please be happy and celebrate with me.it wasn't easy at all oooo.after after many days of searching but thank God 4 his ultimate direction.
DeleteThe stupid hair cream was under my bed.Can you imagine..
Because you have new crush in your area, you now wear suit to fetch water.
ReplyDeleteBros behave o😀
Lol. Hilarious
DeleteA man was driving his taxi from Port harcourt to lagos. He had a sticker in the car that said ''He will give his angels charge over me''
ReplyDeleteBy the time time he got to warri, he was doing 135km/h. The passengers cautioned him, but he simply responded by saying...''don't you see the sign?, the angels are on guard''. He approached Benin on a speed of 185km/h. By this time the passengers got very nervous and decided to get down. Everybody except the driver disembarked and he decided to continue the journey to lagos alone. ''Mumu faithless people...they don't believe that angels are on guard, despite my sticker''...he said, as he drove on.
Nearing Ore, he was comfortably cruising at 215km/h...when he heard people in his car shoulting....''abeg oga drop us o..we no dey go again''...puzzled, he looked around...''sebi I dropped all my passengers in Benin..so na who dey talk?''
''Oga, drop us o..na we be the angels wey dey on guard...this one don become suicide mission we no dey guard again ooo
#copied
Lol
DeleteHahahahahahahaha this got me real....please manage this card 5690 8327 5052 1798. Abeg fast fingers please leave this card for him
DeleteLmao
Delete😂 😂. This got me
DeleteHahahahahaha
DeleteThanks princess chito for d card,but I didn't get it...glad I could make u laugh
DeleteBuahahahaaaa
DeleteI so laffed n rebroadcast.
Chito next time click n email him d card
A man dies and goes to hell.
ReplyDeleteThere he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides
he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity.
He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day".
The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.
He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more.
He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in ... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"
He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Nigerian devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells. Why are there so many
people waiting to get in?" asks the man.
"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Nigerian devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business.
#copied
Once in a conference, three scientist: an American, a German and a nigerian, were talking and bragging about the technological
ReplyDeleteadvances their representative countries have achieved in the
field of medicine.
Says the American, "In Washington, there was a baby boy born
without forearms, so we attached artificial forearms on him. And
now that he is grown, he has become an Olympic professional boxer
and a gold medallist at that."
The German replied, That's nothing to what we have done back in
Berlin, there was a baby girl born without legs on her, she is 3
times marathon gold medallist in the Olympics!!"
The Nigerian interjected laughingly, "Is that all you have, just gold medallist? In Abuja, we have a baby born without a head! We
attached a coconut to the neck and he is now the president
#copied
Oh my! Wow!! 😯🙃😣😨😒😒😒😒😒
DeleteLol
DeleteNot fair......bot loooooooooool
DeleteLmao
DeleteEnroute Odogbolu Ogun State! Bout to dip in d pool and chow down, hope I win the IHG???😢😘... Pray for journey mercies for me o!
ReplyDeleteKelvin Dat Edo Boi (Stellz Cousin)
What will you do when you go to church and unknowingly sit next to your EX....
DeleteAnd the pastor says
Turn to your neighbour and say it is not yet over?...hahahahahaha.
What is it with ODGKevin? Mind yasef o...
DeleteGabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you. I have some Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, and they've got Maggi sauce and Ogbono soup all over their robes; hamhocks, Isi-ewu, Cow-feet and Bokoto bones are all over the streets of Gold.
ReplyDeleteSome folk are walking around with one wing, they have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are soda bottles all over the clouds, some aren't even wearing their halos, saying it doesn't fit with their hairstyles."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? What the.! ...!, hold on one minute." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"
The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.
After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't belieee.....hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.
The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians put the fire out, and now they are trying to install air conditioning! They even bribed my guys
Did I fgt to say I had a WARDROBE MALFUNCTION.. (dj cuppy's voice).. I was on my own oo when I saw a wig giveaway on Fb.. Naso I carry my self and participated.. Dat was d start of it.. So I won the wig , Happy as I am, I decided to launch it d day my Yankee returnee will take me out on a date.. The gentleman was praise my looks and I was feeling so proud.. So I decided to show off a little.. Wanted to practice the so - called ***flip my hair and walk away***and Dat was how I ended up picking my wig from the floor of shoprite.. I still ask chineke why he chose that day to disgrace me.
ReplyDeletePraising*
DeleteYour village people oh. Lol.
DeleteHahahahahaha
DeleteI howled in Laughter!
Delete!😂😂😂😂😂😂
I declare you winner jor🙌
Hahahahaha
DeleteThis made me laugh so hard
O ma se o,lol
DeleteQueen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton & Abacha died and all went straight to hell.
ReplyDeleteQueen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.
She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well devil how much do I owe you for the call?
The devil replied, "Five million dollars"
She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.
Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too"
He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked, "Well,devil how much do I owe you?
The devil replied, "Ten million dollars"
With a smug look on his face, and feeling more important than the English, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.
Abacha was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Nigeria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody".....
He called Nigeria and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you for my long call?
The devil replied "One dollar!".
Abacha is stunned & queries the devil. "One dollar Only one dollar ke??"
The devil replied. "Well, when you make a call from one hell to another hell, we bill it at a local rate
#copied
Interesting!
DeleteHahahhahahahahaaaa local rates
DeleteUr jokes r too funny.
Delete😭😭😭When MMM froze my money, I thought about it and I found
ReplyDeleteout that life without MMM MONEY would be meaningless.
So I decided to kill myself😔.
.
I jumped from my reading table to my very
soft Mouka foam but I didn't die. I went to the
express road and looked carefully before
crossing the road and nothing happened to me.
.
I drank four rubbers of lacasera with plenty
suya but nothing happened,,I took a lot of
mangoes without swallowing the seeds,yet I
didn't see hell!.
.
I proceeded to another level of concotion. I
prepared gizzard and kidney sauce with
strawberry juice and lots of fresh tomatoes,yet
nothing happened to me. I ate cake,chocolate
mixed with ice cream still I didn't die. Am so worried now because I just finished
eating fried rice with chilled Malta Guinness
and fresh fruit salad but nothing has happened
to me. I am really upset now.
.
Friends,what do I do? Should I try fried plantain
and chicken with fresh milk? Will it work
because I really want to kill myself?🙄.
# copied
Been shading tears since yesterday when a Girl posted that her favourite fruit is carbohydrate
Delete#copied
Missylynn did you just say "shading"??? Wow! I think you meant, "shedding".
DeleteJuliet: Hey Susan, I just got my BlackBerry ooh. I’ll buy my pin next week.
ReplyDeleteSusan: Hmmm? U try o! Me don dash Jane my own oh! …
Juliet: Ah! why na?
Susan: Bcos BlackBerry don tire me, now na BB I dey use!
Juliet: wow! U’re rich oh! I envy u! Is ur BB Samsung or Nokia?
Susan: Noooooooo! How can I use those cheap BB! It’s Microsoft na .
Juliet: Wow! Dat 1 must b very expensive oh! Shey BlackBerry can ping BB!? Just give me your pin so dat i can call u wen I buy my own pin!
Susan: Eiyaaa, I’m sorry. I left my pin at home,u know its not safe walking around with your pin, e fit chook u 4 body oo😀😀
#Copied
#Funny
#ItsStaleIKnow
Lol... Kukuma kill me
DeleteHahaha hahaha
DeleteThree Americans and three Nigerians are traveling by a US train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Nigerians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch the ride my youth !" answers a Nigerian. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Nigerians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.
ReplyDeleteShortly after the train is departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Nigerians on the return trip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Nigerians don`t buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch the ride my youth !! " says a Nigerian. When they board the train the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Nigerians cram into another one nearby.
The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Nigerians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please
#copied
Hahahahahahaha!
DeleteHahhahaahahhahaha
DeleteLol...
DeleteThere was a plane going overseas. The pilot realized after they had taken off that the plane was carrying too much weight. If they didn't lighten the load they were going to crash.
ReplyDeleteSo they dumped the freight.
The plane was still too heavy. Then they dumped the luggage. Still too heavy! So the pilot announced to the passengers what was going on, and asked for about 15 volunteers to jump off the plane with a parachute. The navy had been alerted, so they would have ships waiting for them below. And they would get a pass to fly free on this airline for the rest of their lives.
No one budged.
The pilot asked again, still no one moved.
So the pilot says: "OK, we're going to do pick people to jump, but fairly.
We'll go by alphabet, race by race: Please All African Americans step to the front of the plane now!"
No one moved.
He then says: "All Blacks, step to the front, please."
No one still moved.
"All Coloreds step to the front, please."
Still no one moved.
At this point a little boy asked his father: "Dad, aren't we African American or Black or Colored?"
The father says: "No, son, today we're Negroes. And if someone doesn't hurry up and step up to the front, we're gonna be Zulu
#copied
I was invited to a wedding two doors written .: Marriage Jokes� was invited to a wedding,, when i reached the hotel i found two doors written
ReplyDelete1 . bride relatives
2. Groom relatives
I entered the one written groom relatives and found two more doors
1 . ladies
2. men
I went through the one for men only to find two more doors
1 . people with gifts
2. people without gift
I went through the one written people without gifts and found myself outside the hotel through the back door.
At the door it was written "so in this time of recession you want to just come, eat and drink without any gift, No Way" ole oloju kokoro....Copied
Hahahaha! This made me laugh!
DeleteKwakwakwa lemme comment my laff.
ReplyDeleteThere were three men living together in London. An Afro-American, a West Indian and a Nigerian. They were all starving because they didn't have money to buy food.
ReplyDeleteHowever upon coming close to a posh London restaurant in this classy neighbourhood, they decided to come up with a plan.
The Afro-American went in first. After being seated, he ordered a three course meal with white wine. When he had finished the meal, the waiter came by with the bill. "LISTEN MY MAN, I ALREADY PAID YOU!" - the Afro-American shouted! The waiter was very confused because he could not remember being paid. But because he did not want to cause any trouble, he let the brother leave.
Five minutes later, the West Indian walked into the same restaurant and ordered a five course meal with red wine. When he was finished eating, the waiter came by to collect the money for the food. "HEY, HEY, LOOK AT ME CROSSES. BUT AH PAID YOU ALREADY!" - the West Indian shouted. This time the manager came and had to calm down the West Indian, because he did not want anything to upset the other customers. He let the guy go.
Ten minutes later, the Nigerian walked in. And you know how we are. He sat down. Lit up a cigarette, and ordered the most expensive meal on the menu, plus two bottles of Guinness. After he had finished, the waiter came to collect the money for the meal, But before the Nigerian could say anything, the waiter spoke to him."Sir, I have been having all sorts of problems all day and I can't understand it. Two other people like you came in earlier and ate, and they say that they paid me but I don't remember getting any money from them so, " Before he could finish, the Nigerian interrupted, rather emphatically, "OGA I SORRY FOR YOU OOOO. BUT DAT NA YOUR PROBLEM. I JUST WANT YOU TO GIVE ME MY CHANGE
#copied
Lol.
DeleteThree contractors were visiting a tourist attraction on the same day. One was from Nigeria, another from Germany, and the third from France.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the tour, the guard asked them what they did for a living.
When they all replied that they were contractors, the guard said, "Hey we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it & give me a bid?" So, to the back fence they all went to check it out.
First to step up was the German contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Next was the French contractor. He also took out his tape measure and pencil, did some quick figuring and said, "Looks like I can do this job for $700. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $100 profit for me."
Without so much as moving, the Nigerian contractor said, "$2,700."
The guard, incredulous, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"
"Easy," he said. "$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from France
#copied
Random Jokes
ReplyDelete1.Churches should please endeavor to mount projectors so that song lyrics could be displayed for most people who murder songs
#So this girl sat beside me in church and was singing...
"Owerri to Calvary he went for me, he went for me.... He died to sell me free"........ as if that wasn't enough she now sang....
"Jehovah is your name, Jehovah is your name, 19 warriors, 8 in battle, Jehovah is your name..😂😂
2.My fear for weed
Started when I saw
My friend's father dabbing
For Don moen's song
LWKMD........
3.A girl visited a doctor to complain about her private part does not grow hair anymore, de doctor ask about de type of work she does, she replied prostitution, de doctor laughed and said have u ever seen a busy road growing grass before?? 😂😂😂😜😝😛
4.I never believe that d country is hard until I saw a man this morning using anointing oil to eat bread...😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
kukuma kill me😜😜😜😜😜😂😂😂😂😂😂😛😛😛😛😎😎😎😎😁😁😁😁😁😆😆😆😆😆
5..Be Informed!!!
..
A girl just died after dabbing.
..
..
Doctor's report: she died because of the odour from
her armpit.😂😂😂😂
6.They will steal someone's phone that he bought for
80k........
The person will now say "is not the phone dat pain me
it's the
Sim Card " of 100 naira!
Iffa tear you slap, ur ancestors will feel dizzy 😂😂😂😂😂
7.Naija girls you pple can not kill us oh
At first you girls liked guyz with
•Six packs
( all boys being do situp go gym)
•then beards
(guys being hustle beards like foreign currency..
Both with spirit and cray fish.
•Guyz with Height
(Boys begin eat beans lol)
•Now its Guys with pink lips abi
My naija brothers now don dey leave teeth now
dey brush lips ..
Very soon you girls we say you like guys that
can't "breathe"
#Isorite Kontinu...
#copied
Yoruba people can't correct someone without adding insult as a suffix....
ReplyDelete(1) "do it like this, ode"
(2) "press the red button, oponu"
(3) " Hold it for me, didirin
(4)" You can't greet person, oori enu eee
(5)" Give it to your broda jor, agbaaya
(6)" Go nd baff jor, obun
(7)Go and do your assignment, olodo OSHI
(8)You better wakeup.. olorun Iya
(9)U forgot wat I told u just now alakogbagbe!
(10)So the one u eat is not enough ,Olonje i ya
(11)Who put your mouth there Saliu elenuu gbooro
(12) I know you are laffing now...oniyeye
(13) Shaa forward to others alainise
i cant laff alone pls join me,
#Copied
Dz s serious... mbok
DeleteThis is not a joke, I decided to put it inside Saturdays Gist to teach one or two some moral lessons of life.
ReplyDeleteHUNTER BECOME HUNTED- A Short Story
I'm in a big mess, and I don't know how to get out of this...here is my story. About Seven years ago, when I was still in the University, I did something very silly and childish and I paid dearly for it, and right now, it looks like the ghost of the past has come back to haunt me.
I was in my 2nd year in school when I met Tosin (not real name) she was my Roomie that year and we became quite close. She was dating this cool guy who bought her so many things and took her to the coolest parties, despite our (the girls in the hostel room) plea to meet her boo, she refused, saying girls are not to be trusted.
After about seven months of dating him, she entered the room this particular day crying.....
...telling us how she caught the guy with another girl. She cried for days, she was devastated. Then she came up with this ridiculous idea of setting the guy up and treating his f**k up. I was picked to be the bait, because I was the innocent and quiet one. I collected the guy's phone number and he fell for my sweet voice.
That was how Jide and I started our relationship but it was a Revengetionship on my part. The deal was to make him fall for me and then I dump him. Jide was sweet to me, but I never allowed him to come see me in school, and once he found out that I was a virgin, oh he treated me like I was the rarest of all gems. After about four months of this charade, He found out the connection between Tosin and I, and to say he was angry is an understatement. He called me names and we went our separate ways. He was hurt and this was good news for Tosin.
Six months later, I met this wonderful guy, Frank. He was so smooth and jovial, he charmed me and we started dating. After about three months, on this particular day, I got a call from Frank, he told me he was not feeling fine that I should quickly come over. Like every young lady in love, I dashed down to his house, but to my surprise, I met Frank playing scrabbles with two of his friends, looking quite healthy. He told me he just wanted to see my face. I sat down and watched them play for some minutes, then the door bell rang, and to my utmost mortification, Jide strolled in. It was at that moment that I knew I was in deep mess.
To cut it short, my virginity was taken in a brutal way. I was Molested by Jide, Frank and their two friends, I was then warned never to breathe a word to the police about it or they will kill me. I went back to the hostel and Tosin was the only one who knew about it, she was my rock and anchor, and she kept apologizing for putting me in the mess. We finished school and everyone went their separate ways.
Ever since the incident, I was not interested in men or any relationship, I kept to myself, focused on my future, I got a Job with a Telecommunications company and all was well in my world. Then early last year, I met this amazing guy, who gave me a reason to love again. Oh he loves me, and I love him too. Three months ago, he proposed and I accepted. It was that time that I found out that he is Tosin's very close cousin, Since then, Tosin has been threatening to tell him about the molest, that I should leave his cousin alone. She said if I don't, she will tell my fiance's family. I was shocked. She was the reason I went through all that, and she is threatening to take the little happiness I just found away from me again. I'm confused, I'm angry, I'm sad. I don't want to lose my man. I accept that I was silly back then but I've paid dearly for it. Should I be deprived of this too? Someone please help!
LESSON:
Beware of your friends, do not trust anyone in your clan. For every one of them is a deceiver, and every friend a slanderer.
Do not fear the enemy who attacks you but beware of fake friends who hugs you.
Best friends make the worst enemies, they know all your secrets and how to hurt you the most.
#DontQuoteMe
Do yourself a favour. Call the new guy aside one day and tell him that you have something you want to tell him. Confide in him and tell him everything. Then Tosin won't have anything to hold against you again
DeleteBesides it's not your fault. Can't even believe that they could rape you for that
DeleteAn Hausa man was standing on an ATM queue to withdraw his money , when it got to his turn, he withdrew everything in his account then went inside the banking hall to deposit it, that his money is safe inside the bank than outside (ATM) that because of the long queue at the outside(ATM) that those people will withdraw all the money and even his own, so he that's the why he withdrew it and brought it inside because he knows it's safe inside.... Lols...#copied#
ReplyDeleteLol funny Hausa man, kwakwakwaka
Delete*yawns. Be creative na. Haba. Isaacsoon, if u like post 1000 jokes today alone, u no go still win as dem dry as fuck. Instead of u to save ur energy in looking for one really good (as u can't create one yourself), you are hear posting several dry jokes. Mtsheeeeew
ReplyDeleteI hear you....season greetings all d same eka joy
DeleteBad Belle is allowed
DeletePost ur own if he is dry. Mumu
DeleteIsaac son ur jokes made me laugh really bad...Thanks
DeleteWhen I was younger, my mum had a poultr. She never killed her chickens unless we had visitors. Those kind of wicked visitors that will finish everything and go without dashing someborry #1. So being the smart kid I is, i deviced a means of making her kill chicken even when there are no visitors. I usually corner a chicken at a dark spot when no one is watching and nack stick on its head and when it starts dancing alingo, i quickly call out to my mum 'mummy come o your chicken is dying' then she will come and kill it and i will enjoy myswlf very well. Till this day, i hit a chicken with my stick as usual and when it started dancing, i called my mum. She came out and said 'ehn ehn,so you are the one killing my chicken abi. I wilk finish you today' knowing my mum was an iron lady, i disappeared to my neighbour's house and stayed till evening when my dad came back. When i got home, i stood by the do,, scared of going in. When she saw me, she told my dad what happened and he was like 'ehen? Is that why you chased her from the house all day? Is the chicken not meant for eating? My dear dont mind her you hear.Go and bring spoon lets eat' in my mind i was doing my mum ntoor. Immediately i sat down to eat, my dearest dad pounced on me and gave me the beating of my life. Lol
ReplyDeleteShe reminded me of the incidence today as we were frying our christmas chicken
#original
Lol... Chimoo
DeleteKwakwakwakwakwa 😂😂😂😂. Kai!!! Your parents eh
Delete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Delete😂😂 can imagine. Dem know say u go do long throat
DeleteI attended a crusade and someone touched my
ReplyDeleteshoulder and said "YOU WILL WALK". I didn't
bother because I knew I was not lame. After
the crusade, I touched my pocket and I
couldn't find my wallet which contained my
transport fare```����!!!... Behold, I
WALKED!!.. This happened to me anyways *not copied* it's an experience I won't forget in a jiffy
Lie. You copied it
DeleteExcellent! You win the thread.
DeleteJamiu: sup
ReplyDeleteAyo: how far paddy
Jamiu: you see my message ?
Ayo: the one you talk say make I loan you
20k?
Jamiu: yeah
Ayo: I no see am
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂so funny, these joke made my day
Delete
ReplyDeleteI went to the bank the other day to rectify an issue. One pretty girl close to me was making a call. The person was calling out the account details for her. I wonder why they didn't text it. Not my business shaa.
The girl was speaking with an accent that was modulating from Yankee to Brit; Couldn't place it.
The customer care agent, who happened to be my friend, tried having a conversation with her and we found out she went to Uniben there, and just completed her masters in the UK where she stayed for just 2 years. I couldn't help but blurt out,
" And you already have an accent? "
She blushed and said,
"Thank you. Intelligent and smart people pick it faster", before catwalking to the deposit counter.
Me and my friend,the agent, exchanged glances.I was like in my mind " That was a subtle shade not a compliment, Barbie"
Fast forward to 3 minutes later,She came back whining to my friend that the teller said the account wasn't in existence.
My friend, asked her the person's account name and she said "Maxwell" something something. Only for us to see that she spelt the name as "Man's well".
I nearly died from stifling my laughter. My friend just weak,lol.
Don't get me wrong, correct spelling of names is not a measure of intelligence either but " Man's well"?. Really?
You sef check am na....
TͣHͣAͣTͣ MͣOͣMͣEͣNͣTͣ
ReplyDeletewhen you're travelling at evening time with your head buried in your PHONE,they're passing a MILITARY CHECKPOINT and you're unaware, a military man sticks his hand through the window to collect your phone, you only saw a hand grabbing your phone, you mistook it to be these AGBERO BOYS ,you start hitting and biting as hard as you can!!!
my brother, do you remember that day MUM said it is phone that will kill you??
today is the day...
oya climb down let the rest continue
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
# copied
WHATDOYOUTHINK. #Instead of giving each
ReplyDeletesenator N21million and Representative
N18million as wardrobe allowance, why can't
government sew uniform for them like dat of
NYSC? Afterall they are also there to serve
their father land. This will surly reduce cost of
governance. *copied* the source couldn't b remembered I just retrieve this one from my Facebook wall
U dey carry ur girlfriend go club; after u marry
ReplyDeleteher finish u
wan stop her frm goin to club. My broda u think
say miracle
fit happen?
• Ur girlfriend dump u for rich man u say she b
gold digger,
bt ur sister do d same to anoda perso u giv
testimony for
Church
say, na grace of God. Bros park well!!
• Your babe get F9 parallel for WAEC, she still
dey ask for
Brazilian Hair of #150,000 . Abeg where she wan
fix am?,
on top that coconut head?
• U have 8 tribal marks, stretch marks scattered
all ova ur
body yet u still want a tattoo...ah! my friend; u
be zebra?!!
• U are 6 feet tall, u still com wear 6 inches high
heeled
shoe... shey u wan whisper to God?
• U dey snap inside different type of cars yet u
expect ur
man to believe say u no cheat. .aunty, u be
mechanic?
• U gather different gals picture for ur fone & yet
u xpect ur
gal to believe say u no cheat.. uncle, u be
photographer?
• He give u engagement ring for over five years,
he never
marry u, my dear, u be lord of d rings?
•you dey pay your babe wey dey university school
fees and
yet u never write JAMB, U be scholarship board?
•U are 18yrs and ur sugar daddy is 70yrs old and
u still dey
call am BABY, my sister, he suppose be
ANCESTOR.
•Your babe is licking ice cream...u're drinking
pure
water...pls guy Are u diabetic?
•U claim say u eat rice and stew, but u come
vomit fufu and
egwusi soup. Omo u be magician? *copied from different source and I compile it*
Hmmmmmm..... ok lemme tell you my own.
ReplyDeleteA couple of years ago, back then in Uni, a friend and I got invited for a birtdhay party in Ibadan( Uni was in Ife o!) then we decided that after the party(all night) we would just take the first bus to Lagos since it was end of session anyway.
There wasnt much food but lots of drinks, suya, and asun. Lots of people, one man band people spraying money and mehn,we didnt eat from Ife cos we planned to eat as much as we could at the party but as we couldnt get food now, we just settled for the suya and asun and loooooooooots of maltina.
We packed some drinks into our bag, with the intention that when we get on the bus we will buy dodo ikire or anything we get at the bus park and use the maltina to wash it down as breakfast. Then we started drinking maltina, chopping asun,drining maltina before I knew it I had about 12 bottles of maltina.To cut the long story short,( we had a short nap at our friend's apartment) morning came and our birthday celebrant friend arranged for a taxi to drop us at iwo road. We got on the bus and was waiting for the bus to fill up oooo, then this tummy ache started, I began to sweat like a goat, it began to seem like my tummy was going to burst, Na so I shout ' Driver, a lo mo oooooo!!!'' ( driver, we no go again) I practically jumped out of the bus through the boot( you know those buses, would usually have the boot open whilst loading). My friend was very scared,by the time I got down, I was running like a mad person, my friend kept running after me and screaming my name, then I saw all those omo-ita and I asked them, ''ejo boda, ibo nii toilet wa?'' As the guy was still even trying to explain na im I see some set of public toilets for front, I ran like my life was at stake, got to the public toilet and there was another omo-ita in front collecting money before you go fit enter, the guy just said'' igbe abi ito?'' (sh*t or urine) na im i say igbe nii sir.....the guy said muri kan.....(20 naira) and then he said shey o nii tissue abi o ma ra omi( do you have tissue or you will buy water), I said water, that was another muri kan. I just saw my friend coming na im I tell am say '' baby yen ma fun yin lowo sir''( that lady will give you money sir) but in my mind I knew that we only had our transport fare ooooo. As soon as he let me in, I heard him conversing with my friend who had by then arrived and she was asking him why he didnt collect money from me..... by that time, I was in cloud 50... releasing the fruit of my greed, by then my bum was so painful and I started screaming oooo, mehn.... what a day it was... Omo ita even had to pity me sef and ended up collecting 20 naira instea of 40 so we gave him 2 bottles of maltina as thank you that is after begging him and explaining what had happened o.
Sha, we ended up taking one road side bus oooo to lagos, cos we then had to look for a chemist, buy some drugs, and eat at one buka as well. By then, we were left with maybe 500 naira, infact when we got to lagos and we wanted to board the bus home, we had to lap ourselves, imagine 2 mature ladies lapping in lagos bus.... conductor yab us die.
#Copied from waterloo road of SDK.
The way a Nigerian mum sends someone on an errand will leave u confused!
ReplyDeleteMum: go and buy me bathing soap, if lux is N70 buy it, but if there is no lux buy joy soap. If there is lux but they are selling it at N80 and joy soap at N70 buy joy soap. But if joy and lux are both N80 each, buy lux soap. If the two soaps are not available, buy anyone good that is N70
Me: sorry mum, what did u send me to buy?
#copied#
My girlfriend broke up with me. She thinks that I am childish. So I calmed down,took a deep breath,went to her house,rang the doorbell and ran away...
ReplyDeleteA cockroach's last words to a man who wanted to kill it : "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You're just jealous because I can make your wife scream and you cannot..!!
ReplyDeleteWAEC result is out, my neighbor's son had 4 E8 and 3 F9. He was told to ask me which school will accept such result...well, I just advised him to try Sunday school. only God can accommodate our weakness.
ReplyDeleteI was eating and enjoying my coke when a man entered the restaurant with his brief case. I guess he is a Nigerian politician because his dressing and pot belly suggested so, he walk and sat down as everyone looked at him. suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. the woman knelt down and told him that her children and her mother are dying of hunger since her husband died. The man open his briefcase and gave her 2 million naira. she jump up and and left the scene happy.
ReplyDeleteI was still wondering how generous the man had been to the woman when another person walk up to him crying, pleading that the man should help him to establish a business, to my surprise he wrote a check of 10 million naira to the man he left the scene happy, at this period I started murmuring and practicing what to say to the man so that I can also enjoy the national cake, as I walk up to them crying and knelt down to start begging I heard CUT! CUT!! CUT!!!
I turn and saw a director. he laugh and said "we are shooting a movie.
musicians with their lies, the most annoying one is John Legend on his song "all of you"
ReplyDeletehe is like... my head under water and am breathing fine... Oh boy I tried that today and I almost died.
GHANA JOKE
ReplyDeleteCHRISTMAS VACANCY IN GHANA
POSITION: Fufu pounder
SALARY: GH 1000 (100,000.00 NAIRA)
COMPANY: Lapalm Royal beach hotel
QUALIFICATION: 5 years gym experience and must be well built
TARGET: 52 sacks of cassava per day
NB: gloves and other accessory shall be provided
WARNING: no eating of casava.
apply in person
A girl realised that she has grown hair between her legs. She got worried & asked her mum about the hair. Her mum calmly said" that part where the hair has grown is called MONKEY, Be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At Dinner she told her sister "my Monkey has grown hair" her sister smiled and said "thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas." ( Mum fainted) LOL Forward to everyone who deserves a laugh.
ReplyDeleteA girl realised that she has grown hair between her legs. She got worried & asked her mum about the hair. Her mum calmly said" that part where the hair has grown is called MONKEY, Be proud that your monkey has grown hair" the girl smiled. At Dinner she told her sister "my Monkey has grown hair" her sister smiled and said "thats nothing, mine is already eating bananas." ( Mum fainted) LOL
ReplyDeleteCopied from whatsapp
Define Money
ReplyDeleteMoney is a natural bleaching cream. By the time you hammer, 'your true colour' will come out😊😊😊😊
Copied from whatsapp
WHY WARRI DOES NOT HAVE A UNIVERSITY
ReplyDeleteAs Warri big reach, dem no get federal university.
It's not because they don't want it but, it's because they don't have a name for it.
Imagine Lagos (UNILAG)
Benin (UNIBEN)
Calabar (UNICAL)
PH (UNIPORT)
Then, Warri would be UNIWAR😱😱
Abeg, who wan go? 😂😂😂
Copied 4rm whatsapp
I will be having a swimming pool party at my place on Sunday 25th December.
ReplyDeleteContact me if u r interested.
Free drinks and food.
*NB. Everyone should come with his or her water to swim. Thank you*🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽🚶🏽
Hello friends If your village is d type u need 2 climb udara tree or palm tree 2 find network, you can wish me merry xmas and a happy new now. It will b accepted cos ur welfare is my concern. Juliette cares!
ReplyDeleteCopied from whatsapp
my friend was telling me that I snore in d afternoon I said she was lying!!she recorded it and when I woke up she told me that I should pls call her fone that she can't find it,i called and heard a funny ringrone then I asked her why she will use the croaking of a frog as ring tone she said it's my ringtone that it is me snoring and not a Frog!! I almost cried.
ReplyDelete#Copied
This happened to me and my ex.
DeleteLolll can't forget
Who taught my neighbour whadahell, I mean since yesterday she has been screaming whadahell, should I be worried or should I assume it is typical harmattan worry.😉
ReplyDeleteThis really cracking me up. You are not childish at all oooook
ReplyDeleteATTENTION!!!
ReplyDeleteAll those calling me on the phone that they want to come to my
house on Christmas day, Please go back and read your CRK
notes. Jesus was born in Bethlehem and not in my house😄😄😝
#copied
Joke Of the Day
ReplyDeleteA beer company was hiring a taster, someone to taste the beers
before selling out. So they placed adverts and one afternoon, a dirty, rough looking man walked into the manager's office asking to be employed.
The manager tried to figure out how he could drive this man away but couldn't come up with an idea, so he decided to give the man a trial. He ordered his secretary to give the man a glass of wine. He took a sip and said, "It's red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers."
"That's correct!" The manager exclaimed, "Well give him another one let's see." So he was given. He took a sip again and said, "It's burukutu, a combination of herbs and apeteshi distilled at Akokoaso near New Abirem in Eastern Region of Ghana 3 years ago" "Incredible!" said the manager.
Now the manager went closer to the secretary and whispered to her saying, "Go get some of your urine in a cup let's see if he will get that." So the man was given the cup of urine. He took a sip, turned to the manager and said, "Female urine, 26 years old, 2 weeks pregnant and if I'm not given this job, sir, I will tell your wife who is responsible for the pregnancy!" both the man and the secretary fainted..😁😳✌
Copied