Tough one!
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE.
TRIAL MARRIAGE WITH LE BOO.
Your blog is superb. Please I need your advice and that of bvs. I have a boyfriend, he lives and works in Enugu state .we have been dating for 4years now. I'll be going for youth service next year.
Now,the problem is that he wants me to serve in his state(Enugu) also live with him for the 1year youth service,I'll be going to work from his house
( he will be the one to work my service) although we both agreed to that long ago but recently I started thinking if it's cool to live with him since we gonna end up together.
Some of you might ask the reason he doesn't want to marry me yet,the reason is because he has some setbacks from his family which will be resolved by mid next year and towards ending next year we'll start preparing for our marriage. If I live with him I'll save a lot( my alawee will be untouched),it will save a lot of stress also Enugu state was the only east I choose during registration.
What if I tell him not to work the service anymore and I'm posted to north
( which I'll forever regret). If I tell him that I have changed my mind he will be heartbroken because he has only me,he is not a cheat trust me!.
The reason he wants me to live with him is to avoid temptation, serving in his state might lead to my greener pastures because he will start meeting people for my work( in case l finish service) also the main reason is that he wants to stop his Godfather from using his house as a hotel where he f**ks his mistresses( my bf doesn't know how to stop him) whenever I'm around such won't happen because the man knows me and respects me a lot.
Note: My boyfriend's siblings and friends are already aware that I 'm going to serve in his state(Enugu). Please what am I going to do because I am confused right now. Should I live with him for the 1year since we going to end up together? If no, what about his feelings because he'll be very heartbroken.
Thanks Stella and bvs for your advice.
*Hmmmmm this is a tough one but what if you move in with him and get pregnant and he ends up not marrying you?what if you live with him and his godfather still brings in his mistresses?what if he doesnt deliver on his promises?you are so concerned about how he feels but what do you really want?that is also very important.
If you thought you were doing the right thing,you wouldnt have brought a chronicle here
Abroad most couples are advised to try living together before Marriage to see if they can tolerate each other...ITS CALLED TRIAL MARRIAGE.
Is that also now allowed in Nigeria?
Do what makes you happy my dear.....I am in the school of thought that supports trial living together without benefits for like three months to see if it clicks cos some couples break up after one month.
I cannot say anymore than this.
Work ur service to Enugu, get an apartment and visit him. Whenever the godfather is bringing a babe, he should tell u so u can come.
ReplyDeleteI don't support co-habiting abeg
@poster,When you are thinking of the pros;you think of the "cons" as well..
DeleteHe is A man;and actually its A man's world if i should say..
Think of this;If anything goes wrong with you or your body system in the one year you intend spending with him;he has nothing to loose!! But you have A lot to..like:
1) Time will be wasted
2) Self esteem might drastically reduce
3) intending suitors would give up
4) "world people" would see you as irresponsible for co-habiting
5) He may end up sampling and leaving you on the long run for another lady
6) you cant always say "No" to pre-marital sex with him for that one year,even when you are willing to
7) you will feel used if he refuses to continue with the marriage next year
I am giving you the candid advice i would give to my own sister..
Its better you spend that allowee and have your peace of mind,esteem etc..
There is this ooze of freedom that comes to you when you look around and remember you are not indebted to anyone,or that you have been toyed with or used..
If your boyfriend loves you enough for marriage;he wont change his mind now because you refused spending the one year with him..
#Goodluck
@MARTINS ABOY
I support Jasmine my darling on diz. Thumbs up dearie ur advice is d bomb
DeletePoster me thinks you have already made up your mind to stay, see how you were trying to drum up excuses to do so, but deep down you know it is wrong, hence you are not at peace with it. Me I am not perfect, but I have got a lot of experience. You can call me old fashioned and I am also a Christian. All I will tell you is there is no harm in serving in Enugu, however living with your boyfriend is not right. Living with a man before marriage is never the best decision. It is all up to you dear girl.
DeleteI agree..Spot on...anything outside this the OP will regret it..trust me..
DeleteCohabitating is a no no
DeleteI don't mind coming for weekends but staying for a whole year as live in lovers is a no no for me
But that's me tho
Work your service to Enugu but get your own place. Even if it's a self con. We have space in our bq. Contact me if you looking to rent. Stay close to your boo. It will help your relationship but do not live with him. Have a talk about this with him. Very soon now ill face this cos bf is now saying he will work my service to his state. And he would want me to live with him. Considering the state he lives in is a difficult place to get a house on low budget, I'll have to live with him for a while before I work myself out. Still on your matter babe, do not live together for that one year. Get a self con somewhere. Rooms are not that expensive in Enugu. Go to student area. You can live in a hostel. Do not live together with a man that is not married to you for a that long a time.
DeleteTrue talk @martins boy
DeleteMartins Aboy u have said it well.
DeleteAnd Jasmine, I also do not support cohabitation.
U may not even save dt ur allowee u r planning g to save.
DeleteChallenges will crop up and he expects a 'good' wife material to buy salt naggi when he's not around.
One day u will hear, u r stingy.
Maybe u guys r planning to save d allowee for wedding.
U will be expected to buy things for ur 'mother-in-law and relatives-in-law'
I can swear dt u will spend d money on him n d house or u guys will have issues over dt saved allowee
Co-habiting worked for my sister. She lived with her fiancé for almost 3 years and she was a virgin till they had their introduction. They are married now with a child. It won't have worked for me tho, so individual differences. I will prefer you have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend and rent an apartment or better still, stay in corpers lodge to avoid paying house rent and visit him on weekends. Goodluck
DeleteHi poster
DeleteU don't need any advice
How does this even qualify for a chronic? U r still in school,...... he will propose after solving family problems, ...... His godfather is a M.f**ker,..... He wants you to stay wit him to avoid temptation ....... You said u may regret if u are posted to North? U sound foolish right there I swear.
Mtcheeeeeeew. I really had to his cos to me it seems u just wanna go out of your way to please someone else. What about making yourself happy
Don't move in with any man till you are properly married. Yes you can work your service to Enugu but get your own damp place lady.
ReplyDeleteWife duties before proper wedding will only make him see you finish.
Why will he bother to marry you after when you'd be performing wifely duties already.
Concerning his godfather, he mus be a weakling that can't stand his ground. Is his godfather paying his rent? Why will a responsible man allow his house be used as a brother? Says a lot about him.
Then you want to move in and act just like the silly girls who go there to fornication with a married man who can't afford a hotel for his rendezvous.
Widen up lady.
Enugu can't be that expensive that you can't rent a one bedroom and live your life free of man wahala till wedding proper.
Don't annoy me please, be responsible and it's for your own good.
When he is ready to marry you let it be because he thinks you worthy not out of pity or after he has suck the life out of you.
She had her mind made up already because she wants to save alowance.
Delete👍😀
DeleteWife duties will only make him see her finish and he won't bother marrying her? Ma'am that's not true. So many people have cohabited and ended up married. I would even want my husband to be to see me finish before marrying me so that we can know if we can tolerate each other.
DeleteSecondly, him not being able to say no to his Godfather doesn't make him irresponsible. 80% of guys allow their friends bring babes to their guy's houses to lash so its not new. I do not support it but it happens. Some people just find it very difficult to say no. Talk more of to their godfather. They always stop their friends from bringing in girls stylishly.
Thirdly, she will be fornicating with her boyfriend in his house and not in a cheap brothel or a friend's house.So there's no use comparing her with the other girls dat go around wit married men to brothels and friends houses.
I have cohabited with my boyfriend and we're still together today although I moved out recently.
Now to the OP. U can cohabit if u want but just know that u'll tolerate more than u're supposed to. Even if he gets u upset, u can't walk away and do the normal shakara cos u have nowhere to go. So calling him back to his senses sometimes might be difficult.
Even if u want to live with him, have a backup plan.
You can get pregnant for ur boyfriend whether u're living with him or not. Just that the tendency would be very high.
At the end of d day, the choice is yours.
Work it but try stay in a LG far from him small. Do not live with him
DeleteMhiz Vee, co-habiting is bad. Bcoz it worked for u doesn't mean it will work 4 her. U ain't even married to the guy yet and u r talking about knowing him. Lol.
DeleteMadam, even if u stay with him for 20 years b4 marriage, u still won't know him completely.
Mhiz vee, you know you could have made your comment without coming under mine. The comment section isn't closed.
DeleteIt's obvious where your morals are and why you'd be fine if your partner sees you finish. I'm not sure you know what see finish means.
I'm also wondering how many men you'd allow see you finish before one will pity you and wife you up.
She is fornicating in her boyfriends house, so that makes it okay? I'm sure the holy book thinks otherwise but what do I know.
And you ended up making a mockery of yourself. You lived with your boyfriend but had to move out yet you are still unmarried and had to move out. So what was the point of moving in with him? To test the waters right?
Funny how young ladies not only practice immorality but preach it with so much pride.
Tueh shame on you and I say this mildly.
@MhizVee u've spoken well. Absolutely share ur line of tot, very open-minded, objective and matured. Well done.
Delete#passengerpassingthrough
*doppel responsible write up! Thank you
DeleteLol @doppelganger. I dont think u need to insult me cos I have a different opinion from u. I commented under urs cos I had some answers to the things u said.
DeletePlz educate me about the meaning of see finish. Is it not better we 'see ourselves finish' and break up if we're not compatible than get married and still 'see ourselves finish' and divorce. The see finish will eventually happen.
I might not know my boyfriend completely but I know him better than I did before moving in with him.
Fornication is a sin. TRUE....but she didn't say she was a virgin. U commit a different sin from me doesn't make u holier. U can spit on me all u want ma'am.
My relationship wit my bf is still as solid as a rock and I do not have to disclosed y I moved out.
I know ur comments are always respected here. I've seen so many sensible things u've said on other posts but that doesn't mean someone cannot disagree wit u. Okay?
You're not confuse cos you filled Enugu yourself nobody help you... enjoy your stay
ReplyDeletePoster, you seem to have made up your mind on what to do so why the question? You ll save your allawee, abi? No wahala.
DeleteAbeg oo poster, saving allowee or no saving, dont dare move into your bfs place biko. Its veryyyy demeaning and insensitive. Enugu is quite an affordable place in terms of accomodation and all i tell you. Biko, you can comfortably get a self con and always go to visit weekends inugo?!Enugu boys wey their head no kuku correct..see finish must come in. Well, up to you ooo
DeleteYou're not confuse cos you filled Enugu yourself nobody help you... enjoy your stay
ReplyDeleteGo ahead and let him work it!
ReplyDeleteLiving with him will make you know him well
If you guys are already having sex, then be careful to avoid unwanted pregnancy!
If he is a man then he should be able to ban his uncle from bringing girls into his house to fuck na. Is he a weakling?
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DeleteMadam ask ur boyfriend if he didn't do it at any point. Most men do it.
DeleteAs for your first paragraph, u made sense.
Do what makes u happy dear.
ReplyDeleteAppreciation to bv Ada ONYEMA, may your generation never know lack in Jesus Name . Amen
Trial marriage to see if both of you can make it together within one year might not work.Remember some people can pretend for more than two years,if you think am lying ask my house help.that is a pro in pretence
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteEye sea northing tof ear.
ReplyDeleteSawnds lyk sumtin witch she shool aff posthird ass an IHN koment.
He's reasins ah kwite konvinsing, eat entales he's gud tots towords yuo.
You have already seen and given reasons why you want to live with him.So do as it pleases and suits you cos no matter what we tell you now,you will end up living with him and we no go hear that part again.
ReplyDeleteEnough about this pregnancy nonsense. Poster go to hospital for family planning method. There is pill, there is injection there is even iud you put inside and remove after the year. My married sisters use injection and iud to space out thier children. I dated hubby for 7 years I never got pregnant once. We used condom all thorugh After marriage the first week we tried for baby I got pregnant. Nigerian women pls educate yourselves. You can move in. But if he is serious get engaged.
DeleteDear because you are lucky doesn't mean every other persons will be. We carry different grace saying this from experience. what I will do and get away with it you can't.
DeleteThank you anon. God bless you
DeleteEngagement can be called off too
DeleteAnon 18.14 which luck? It is simple common sense. Use contraceptive religiously finish. You are the woman if you want to do you must learn to be in control of your body.
DeleteUse iucd family planning method to protect ur self let him work ur service to Enugu stay around my der u need to save ur alawe money in case if u didn't get work immediately after service u will have something to fall back on, u guys are semi married sef knowing all family members & being friends with them too, even his God father, u guys have been gbenshing for 4 good yrs & u are still asking jamb questions.
DeleteWhile thinking about his interest and how he feels, please spare a little about yourself too.
ReplyDeleteIf you're my sis, I won't advice you to live with a man you're not married to cos the whole rhythm might change for the worse if pregnancy comes in.
It's your choice to make.
Using you as bait for his own selfish interest.
ReplyDeleteHe wants to marry you but wants you to move in and perform marriage.
Who even told you this guy after 4 years is your husband? What if service year is supposed to be the time you meet your own man or greater opportunities that supercedes marriage but here you're willing to give it up for a man who wouldn't or might not do the same if he was in your shoes.
He can't say no to his godfather but somehow you feel the man respects you more than him(owner) of house to not bring women in when around. He supports such atrocities damning the spiritual effect on his life. Using his house as a place for immorality. I really feel sorry for you. Throw your life away for nothing.
4 years you didn't live with him and according to you he doesn't cheat, so what difference will 1 year make apart? Yes you can serve in Enugu but you mustn't live with him. Rent a place and visit him. You can see him as often as you want. There's nothing as good as having your own. What happens when you move in with him and you guys quarrel, where will you run to then? Don't do it and I'm commenting twice on this issue because I know girls who have done it and regretted it.
Well said
Delete👍
DeleteI heart you😘😘😘😘
DeleteYour comments are bae dopel, what's ur email?. And what makes this poster think she'll even save her 1year's allowee simply because she's living with a man. Something never do you. Grow up naive little girl
Delete@anon 16:43, thank you.
Delete@anon 17:03, my email is in my profile.
Always keeping it real and saving me typing time.
DeletePoster, use your God given brain.
After living with him, you will beg and beg him to take u to the altar. Hear Doppel ganger with your ears wide opened. Save it and put it in your face bc if u decide to get ur own accommodation, he will beg you every second to change your mind.
DeleteGbam! If i were this poster, i will go to another state for service, meet other people and socialise there. You never can say, what if it doesn't work out between you both? Where will you start from? Please have your own life going for you and who even told you, you will save your allowee while living with him? Hahaha smh.. I pity you.
DeleteNNE I bu mmadu chai.thank you joor.i always look forward to your write ups.
DeleteYou can visit him often shey, but you can't live in..what is the difference? Nothing like big or small sin, sin is sin, fornicating is fornicating. Is it every time you quarel with him , you will want to move out? Or it's cos you are not married you move out at any slight provocation? What is the essence of a relationship if you can't work out your difference while dating? How would you work it out when finally married? Whether you live in or not, if he wants to marry you, he would and if he doesn't he won't, it's just an individual thing. Let he without sin cast the first stone.
DeleteTrust me, it will save you a lot of stories that touch especially if you've been in a long distance relationship. You either sin or not, no in between.
Who told you he doesn't cheat. If I were you I will not marry a man who allows his God father commit adultery in his house.
ReplyDeleteYou are only concerned about how he feels, how about how you feel?
Sister, this is Nigeria and that doesn't work here.
ReplyDeleteYou might go ahead to live with boo and he doesn't marry you, what becomes of you? People who have seen you living with him would see you as a "used product" not like you are different from those that have sex before marriage but like I stated earlier, this is Nigeria and even divorcees here find it really difficult getting another partner.
My dear, I also think your boyfriend isn't being reasonable (let's leave out the godfather ish) or maybe he is being jealous and overprotective.
Please, find an alternative apartment for yourself, it's still OK for you to serve in the same state as him and who knows, he might not even be the one for you (dodges whatever bullet this statement will bring)
👍
DeleteSo tough
ReplyDeleteThat's abroad..naija men can misuse opportunities.. In the end he will say you eat too much,talk too much,pray too much, watch too much TV, work too much and all
ReplyDelete😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteBoth of you have planned everything out for your selves but what is God's plan? What do I know.
ReplyDeleteOn point!Best comment.
DeleteSince you dont wanna hurt him,go behind him and runs d nysc too! That way you could be flinged to a different place and he wont suspect what happened!!!
ReplyDeleteI concur with Stella
ReplyDeleteI see no need for dis chronicles cos u already know what you want to do.u practically gave us reasons from your write up why you should stay with him so follow your heart and stop looking for advice you won't act on.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm do what pleases you. I dey enjoy myself
ReplyDeleteSweetheart, have you ever wondered why some couple can date for 8 yr but break up immediately they get married. It's coz they are not matured enough to live together. Do what you want, but have it at the back of your mind that by the time your service year is over at Enugu, you may have lost your relationship. Pls be patient and do things properly.
ReplyDelete👍
DeleteHow can a woman vouch for a man like this...na wa ooo!
ReplyDeleteI believe you are a Christian, have you read the bible passage that says "Woe (curse be) unto the one that puts his trust in a man. All I read from your chronicle is all what this mere man that cannot lift a finger to save himself from death has promised you. What if you are posted to North? People make their fortunes there. What if he doesn't secure a job for you after your nysc? Then u become a liability to him. What am saying is pray to God about it and leave him to work it out for you. Don't worry much about it, if your boyfriend wants to go ahead and work your service, let him do it at his own volition.
ReplyDeleteHave you read that they that put their trust in God shall not be put to shame? I don't know your relationship with God but t know you desperately need him now. Don't joke with your service year, from your service year is where you proceed to get a real paying job.
Same thing happened to me. Though not Nysc. I was promised a job and thought we were in love and that we would marry, so I left my base. Today? That same man is married to someone else. A word is enough for the wise.
DeleteWhat didn't work for u might work for someone else
DeleteAnon 18:19 true, but my point is why risk it? If he would break up with her because she is not staying with him then obviously there is a problem. And for her to come up with this chronicle means she is having doubts. So her consideration shouldn't be about her boo alone but what she herself really wants. Lastly I just stated my experience, it is definitely left for her last last to choose what she wants to do. Ciao!
DeleteSo if you do not serve in his state he cannot contact people for you for job?
ReplyDeleteWhat if you stay and end up not marrying? Seems you are too sure him marrying him.
You cannot know the true behavior of a man until you start staying with him. I will advice you not to stay with him but you can serve in Enugu and see each other anytime you want to.
Madam. Two of hv been committing formication for four long years and I guess without protection too, one more year won't do you any harm since u don't see anything wrong in living and having sex with a man you are not married to.
ReplyDeleteI think the most valuable lesson i have gotten being single, is to be 'selfish' when considering a marriage proposal.
ReplyDeleteDon't get me wrong when i say selfish, i mean as a woman put yourself first, think about what you want, what makes you happy. To be fair to you, some of your reasons are valid, but what if everything you are counting on to happen, doesn't happen?
What if he is not able to secure that job?
What if the issues he is having are not resolved by next year? (i hope they are)
Plus the other what if's mentioned up there?
To me, your service year is the year you find yourself as a person especially a lady, so dear think carefully, so you don't have regrets after 1year.
Do what makes YOU happy!
Do YOU!
True talk.
DeleteSo u really think that guy doesn't cheat?
ReplyDeleteDid you even think about your parents while planning all these? Abi they don't mind you cohabiting with a man that hasn't married you? You already have it all planned, go ahead and do what suits you.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you've lived with a man and he has "seen you finish" doesn't mean he won't marry you, the heart wants what it wants. Anyway, here's my advice tell him point blank that you want to get your own place, you can visit him for weekends but trust me you need your space. I don't know why people can't talk straight with their partners, is it so hard?
ReplyDeleteCherie I hear. A man doesn't buy a cow whose milk he gets for free, poster think about that...
DeleteFollow your heart because that's what you are going to do @ last..
ReplyDeleteAnd when he eventually marries u and "see finish syndrome" starts playing,whatchu gonna do young lady???
ReplyDeleteOn no account,should u live with any man who hasn't married u legally,what works abroad won't work here cos we are Africans and we value family cores.
Why don't u look for a house in Enugu,houses are cheap and cost of living is affordable.What does ur boyfriend do,is he jobless that all he thinks about is having u close to him and getting free sex for one year...???
Exactly!
DeleteIts a 50-50 chance
ReplyDeleteAre you ready to take the risk?
Don't tell him anything. Just ask God to let his will be done in your life.
No to cohabitation
Good luck
Poster,do you have a mind of your own?if yes,then use it! You are so concerned about how he feels. What about your feelings?
ReplyDeleteIf you stay with him and at the end of one year,he decides he doesn't want to marry anymore,what do you do?you blame him and cry wolf but you were the one who gave him everything free of charge.
Please this is Africa my dear,have a place of your own howbeit small. Tell him your concerns. Why will he not be able to tell his godfather not to use his house as a brothel?what is he afraid of? If you stay with him and you have quarrel and you need space,where do you cool off? Think it deeply and act accordingly. All the best.
This is a skull full of rotten potatoes!
ReplyDeleteDo your parents know that you are planning to go and prostitute for one year?
Yes it is prostitution as long as he has not paid your bride price to your dad or his representative.
His house is a brothel and you are here vouching that he doesn't cheat. Likes go with likes. What if the mistress of his godfather comes around to wait and opens her hole for him, you think he will not browse? You lie!
When you marry this man, what makes you think that he will not have "satellite brothels" in some friend's house?
The "godfather respects you" but he does not respect his wife; you see your peanut brain?
How many times have you aborted for him or are you infertile?
How many more times will you abort for him during this one year and which man do you think will marry a "compromised womb"; for that's how he sees you.
What lies are you going to tell your parents about your one year adventure?
You are looking for folks here that will validate your folly; aren't you?
Repent girl for this pathway is leading to destruction.
Madam, trust is important in any type of relationship. Don't move in with him, fine, work it to Enugu nut get to stay with someone else, you could even stay with his sister but I advise against that o. Just that if worse comes to worse, you can do that.
ReplyDeleteGet a place of your own because he'll want you to start performing wifey duties and all. If you go carry belle, story will change o.
See don't come and tell us any story if you decide to stay with him o. Tor
"The godfather uses his house as a brothel for his mistresses but when I am there he does not because he respects me . . ." Really? He respects you but does not respect his wife?
ReplyDeleteGirl, you see your cement filled skull you call brain?
Listen little girl, you will end up selling yourself as one of his mistresses.
And get it into your vagina if you like, your toyfriend is doing same thing and will do so when you marry him since he cannot say "no to evil".
Poster my own talk is this, dnt stay with him. Ok what of after service and no job wat next will u do. Now u re talking about saving ur alawee later he will tell u to borrow him to start preparing for d wedding.
ReplyDeletemy dear,biko get a place for yourself in Enugu so you wouldn't end up a liability..
ReplyDeleteHappy Boxing Day everyone. Dear Santa pls locate me..Stella no vex..I just want to be happy..
ReplyDeleteCan you please stop this ssnta ? Xmas is over now.
DeletePls o,any bv in enugwu-ukwu?
ReplyDeleteEnugu is a nice place but a civil servant state...I don't advise u to leave wth a man instead let him rent an apartment for u to stay...and y re u scared of spending money.. if using want to touch it allowed let him be paying u monthly
ReplyDeleteDo the right thing. That's all.
ReplyDeleteDeep down in your heart, you know what the right thing is.-or else you wouldn't be writing a chronicle.
You are playing God with your life. I have read so many NYSC stories on this blog of those who couldnt influence their posting and it eventually turned out to be a great year-even when posted to the North.
Why would you move in with someone you are not yet married to?
Men are not like that-to hand them everything on a plate of gold when he hasn't paid your bride price. That will be the biggest mistake of your life.
So when you do get married (ie:-if both of you do get married), what is there left to explore or discover?? abeg girl. You know the right thing to do. And as difficult as it seems, it is quite easy to do.
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DeleteThis is not a chronicle.
ReplyDeleteStella I AM TIRED...honestly tired but grateful to God.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you better not think of serving your allowee all because you want to go and leave with your boyfriend not even fiancee. Cos i can't imagine going to leave with a man that my parents doesn't know him as my soon to be husband or a man that has not done anything on my head. My dear don't think of that cos you will give him every free right over you and he will enjoy every thing about you and leave you empty at the end of it, you will regret your decision and had i known will be too late for you. You want to go and depend on him to have free things to avoid spending, you're not serious. As for your boyfriend, sorry to say, he's immatured and irresponsible just like his godfather, any man that takes his babe to his friends house or apartment to stay and have sex in the name of fun or love is an irresponsible and senseless human being. So shine your eyes on that ur boyfriend.if he's truly ready for marriage, you will know cos i don't think he's ready. Take a Chill pill babe.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you better not think of serving your allowee all because you want to go and leave with your boyfriend not even fiancee. Cos i can't imagine going to leave with a man that my parents doesn't know him as my soon to be husband or a man that has not done anything on my head. My dear don't think of that cos you will give him every free right over you and he will enjoy every thing about you and leave you empty at the end of it, you will regret your decision and had i known will be too late for you. You want to go and depend on him to have free things to avoid spending, you're not serious. As for your boyfriend, sorry to say, he's immatured and irresponsible just like his godfather, any man that takes his babe to his friends house or apartment to stay and have sex in the name of fun or love is an irresponsible and senseless human being. So shine your eyes on that ur boyfriend.if he's truly ready for marriage, you will know cos i don't think he's ready. Take a Chill pill babe.
ReplyDelete#Relationships last not because they were not destined to last. Relationships last long because two people made a choice to keep it, fight for it and work for it*
ReplyDeleteGirl, you better not think of serving your allowee all because you want to go and leave with your boyfriend not even fiancee. Cos i can't imagine going to leave with a man that my parents doesn't know him as my soon to be husband or a man that has not done anything on my head. My dear don't think of that cos you will give him every free right over you and he will enjoy every thing about you and leave you empty at the end of it, you will regret your decision and had i known will be too late for you. You want to go and depend on him to have free things to avoid spending, you're not serious. As for your boyfriend, sorry to say, he's immatured and irresponsible just like his godfather, any man that takes his babe to his friends house or apartment to stay and have sex in the name of fun or love is an irresponsible and senseless human being. So shine your eyes on that ur boyfriend.if he's truly ready for marriage, you will know cos i don't think he's ready. Take a Chill pill babe.
ReplyDeleteDuring My service and I lived in My bf flat in lekki. I didn't get pregnant BC I used my ovulation calculator and the rest. But the truth is that I was caged,made to have sex against my will, performed wifely duties to the core,neighbors were calling me oga wife,never answered or chatted with any other guy, we quarreled on two occassions and he treatened to through me out of the house, he almost beat me on few occassions jst that i kept quiet when he was ranting. Always checking my phone eaves dropping my calls,always shouting on me for little things etc .To be sincere the cohabitation affected my prayer life BC I always feel guilty for always committing fornication and most esp liaring to my family on where I live BC they sent me money to rent a one room apartment which the rent was to be splitted bw me and one girl but boo asked me to move in with him since he live alone in his flat and to avoid roommate wahala. My parents always ask of my roommate if they call and am always forming one liar. Now boo has proposed but I no longer feel anything for him, I told him I want to rent my own apartment now that I have finished serving and he said if I try it then that Will be the end Of the relationship. Am tired he is always nagging . I don't know what to do but this cohabitation of a thing I won't try it again.
ReplyDeleteLol. Too late
DeleteThrow not through, you hear?
Delete18:24 God will bless you for being so truthful. You may have saved poster's or some other girl's life. It appears like I am exaggerating but I am not. I pray God will sought you out and you will make the right decision and find happiness yourself.
DeleteFish brain, see the way he has brain washed you. your present will fight for him against is godfather. clap for yourself.
ReplyDeletePresence
Delete💯
DeleteI'll advice you to get a small apartment probably with your fellow corps member and also move in with him so that when you guys have issuea you can have where to run to.
ReplyDeleteIt's better to leave together to know each other much better but just be careful
Poster I will not agree to you staying with your man cos alot may go wrong, you may lose your self esteem, respect, freedom, living with him but if you know that will make you happy just go ahead.
ReplyDeleteIf you live with him so you will not be tempted? Small pikin talk.
ReplyDeleteBV's telling her to rent her own place, we all know she'd hardly stay there. She'd carry her bags and go to bfs place from weekend to weekend. Poster just do what you want and get ready for any consequences.
ReplyDeleteMy darling, please I do not intend to offend you but as I read through your story, your naivety became more prominent with each line, especially if you really believe some of your assertions. The 1st advice I'll give you is, when it comes to men and infidelity, don't be too certain. Always leave a margin for error. Don't just assume your man, who happens to be miles away from you, is faithful. You need some sort of "shock absorbing mechanism" just in case. I'm not saying all men cheat, of course there still are a few good men, however hope for the best but make sure you can handle this worst. I have discovered that the shock and the betrayal hurts ladies more than the actual cheating. It's easier to forgive your partner's indiscretions if you've insulated your mind from emotional suck punches.
ReplyDeleteThe reasons why your boyfriend wants you to live with him, according to your writeup are ridiculously juvenile. It would make more sense if he wants you to live with him simply because he can't imagine his girl living somewhere else in the same town he's residing in. Why the sudden concern about temptation after 4 years of dating and living apart? What has changed? 2ndly, if you really want "greener pastures", with utmost respect to those from or who stay at Enugu, there are bigger cities and states which offer a whole lot more. Baby girl, you really don't need your boyfriend to get you a job, you can get several job opportunities on your own. Stop getting too dependent on your boyfriend before you begin losing bits and pieces of yourself.
As for using you as his "morality police", that's the most naive belief in your entire story. Let me break it down for you sweetie, I hope I don't break your heart in the process. Have you wondered why his godfather will be bold enough to keep using his house for his adulterous love nest? Don't you think there must be something about your guy which makes his godfather confident and comfortable enough to maintain that arrangement. The same godfather could as well bring a friend of "a friend" to "entertain" your boyfriend as well. You rarely see a man who allows another man, related or not, use his house for such stuff, without occasionally indulging as well.
👍👏 on point as usual.
DeleteI'm sorry, but if your guy wants to use you as a buffer, his cowardice is outstanding! Why would your boyfriend want to put you on the spot just like that? Shouldn't he be protecting and defending you honour, making sure you are liked by his family and friends? So when you move in, he will then tell his godfather he can't bring his girls over anymore because you're now staying with him, instead of manning up to his uncle? Awwww! I'm sure that line made you feel special, no? In reality, it's actually demeaning to both of you. How can you believe his godfather respects you when he doesn't even respect the owner of the house? If he respects you that much, he doesn't need you to come around before he looks for a different location for his shenanigans.
ReplyDelete
Honey, I like a passionate man but you make your boyfriend seem like a spineless wuss and a hormonal teenager. How can he be heartbroken if you agree to serve at Enugu but arrange for your own accommodation? So what, pray tell, would he do if you breakup with him and move to another state? I hope, for your sake, you've used a lot of "embellishments" in order to make us believe your guy is crazy about you. It would be worrisome if he is exactly the way you've portrayed him.
You guys aren't even sure of the exact year of your nuptials, it's all tentative for now. You're hoping he sorts his family issues by the middle of next year so your preparations for marriage with start in 2018? Anything can happen before then, so wanting to live with him because you think you guys are gonna get married is reckless and impractical. Don't tie yourself down unnecessarily. You must always have a backup plan. Don't make the mistake of moving in with him without getting your own house. Even the best lovers need some space every now and then.
#e-bearhugs.
Ronalda has said it all, na wetin remain? 😀👏👏👏
DeleteRonalda has said it all, na wetin remain? 😀👏👏👏
DeleteWait! Na how much be this allowed again? Abi dem done raise am from the common 19800?
DeleteMarjorie
Tell him your people went to prayer house and found out that you're planning on cohabiting with your bf during NYSC (you hv to call him sobbing and sniffing serious catarrh from your nose, be real)
ReplyDeleteGo ahead to tell him they have even called your uncle to work the NYSC thing back to your base or far north.
Then tell him that they might change their mind if you would promise them to get an apartment of your own in Enugu bla bla bla. You hv to sound very real.
That is how to win all in this situation. And trust me he will respect you and your family for that.
Morality is still in vague my dear, don't mortgage your life just like that.
You might meet someone that will set you up in terms of jobs that will be totally better than whatever he will offer.
And please trust but verify, Enugu is somehow to trust ur man hundred percent.
Poster, its not a good idea to live with your boyfriend during your NYSC year. For no reason. You have a life ans he has his. You have been dating for 4 years already. What difference will 1 extra year make? You have all kinds of reasons listed-you will save your allowance, you will keep his Godfathers mistresses in check...etc.. All these reasons are not certainties. You are not in control of tomorrow. Instead, just do what is right instead of manipulating things. Keep your honor, keep your integrity. Stay truly single until you are married. When you move in with him, you start playing "wife" duties when you are not married. Things may go wrong between both of you. He will start to have second thoughts about marrying you. Meanwhile, you've given everything already. A girl has more to lose in this kind of "arrangement". Why should he think of using you to discourage his Godfather uncle from using his house as a brothel? The man respects you? Well, That respect will vanish into thin air once you move in with your boyfriend. The Godfather will begin to see you as nothing better than all his "mistresses". After all he is bringing the mistress for fuck in that house and you are also fucking your boyfriend there outside wedlock. Lady. Don't be deceived. All the reasons you are stating are just "wuru wuru". Though something tells me your mind is made up and we are just wasting time advising you. Good luck in your decision though. "The dog that has determined to get lost will never hear the hunters whistle"
ReplyDeleteRonalda all l see in your post is wisdom, wisdom and more wisdom. Please can l have your email address?
Delete💯👍👍👍
DeletePoster, its not a good idea to live with your boyfriend during your NYSC year. For no reason. You have a life ans he has his. You have been dating for 4 years already. What difference will 1 extra year make? You have all kinds of reasons listed-you will save your allowance, you will keep his Godfathers mistresses in check...etc.. All these reasons are not certainties. You are not in control of tomorrow. Instead, just do what is right instead of manipulating things. Keep your honor, keep your integrity. Stay truly single until you are married. When you move in with him, you start playing "wife" duties when you are not married. Things may go wrong between both of you. He will start to have second thoughts about marrying you. Meanwhile, you've given everything already. A girl has more to lose in this kind of "arrangement". Why should he think of using you to discourage his Godfather uncle from using his house as a brothel? The man respects you? Well, That respect will vanish into thin air once you move in with your boyfriend. The Godfather will begin to see you as nothing better than all his "mistresses". After all he is bringing the mistress for fuck in that house and you are also fucking your boyfriend there outside wedlock. Lady. Don't be deceived. All the reasons you are stating are just "wuru wuru". Though something tells me your mind is made up and we are just wasting time advising you. Good luck in your decision though. "The dog that has determined to get lost will never hear the hunters whistle"
ReplyDeleteHow are you even so sure both of you will end up together? How are you so so sure ? You write as if you are so sure of everything and you have it all worked out! Why are you throwing your whole life away? Why even work your posting to Enugu State? What if greater opportunities are waiting for you in another State? Why are you doing this to yourself? Did anyone stage manage your boyfriend when he was at this same stage of his own life? Why cant you allow the river take its own natural course. What will be will be without you manipulating, changing, twisting, working and doing all sorts... If he is your husband, nothing will change it even if you go to the North to serve....I tire for all these little girls fish brain head oh....
ReplyDeleteHow are you even so sure both of you will end up together? How are you so so sure ? You write as if you are so sure of everything and you have it all worked out! Why are you throwing your whole life away? Why even work your posting to Enugu State? What if greater opportunities are waiting for you in another State? Why are you doing this to yourself? Did anyone stage manage your boyfriend when he was at this same stage of his own life? Why cant you allow the river take its own natural course. What will be will be without you manipulating, changing, twisting, working and doing all sorts... If he is your husband, nothing will change it even if you go to the North to serve....I tire for all these little girls fish brain head oh....
ReplyDeleteRonalda all l see in your response is wisdom, wisdom and more wisdom. Can l have your email please?
ReplyDeleteRonalda all l see in your response is wisdom, wisdom and more wisdom. Can l have your email please?
ReplyDeletePls don't put your life in any man's hand if you dint have a bf in enugu won't u survive there or anywhere else DON'T live with your bf you can't see d future with ur naked eyes. Respect yourself and just go visiting am sure you will av a beautiful service year
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