CONFUSED ABOUT MARRIAGE.
Hi Stella, compliments of the season.
Please pardon my errors if any. I am currently writing to you from a cubicle at my gym, I usually work out most mornings before work and instead of my top to be soaked in sweat (as usual), it is soaked in tears, as I can't control myself, but trying to keep the weasing minimal so people don't known I am crying.
I am a 27year old lady, first child and grandchild of a relatively influential Igbo family. I can tell you whole heartedly that since I came back to the country, over 25men have come to my parents with the sole aim of marriage. Some were quite nice, but None have worked out so far, ( Thank God), I have 7 siblings, 3 are my sisters the other brothers.
Honestly, right from when I was a teenager, an early teenager to be precise, I have always been atttacted to white guys, and not for the wrong reasons, mostly because of my uncanny nature and the intellectual compatibility (which is extremely important). I Ihave prayed that I end up with one, at some point though I thought it wasn't Gods plan for me as it wasn't happening, eventually I almost married an uneducated Igbo guy (out of pressure) that I had no feelings for. Infact we were extreme opposites, but I believe God saved me and it fell right apart.
The point is Stella I am not against marrying from my tribe or marrying a Nigerian, but God knows that's not my hope, also the relationship has not so far worked at all. Today mom and dad called me and said there was yet another man from our home town that wants to "see me" this Christmas because he has intentions of marriage, my parents won't force of course but they will ginger you to consider, all the while they were telling me this, I was thinking of my complicated relationship with my now ex boyfriend. I don't know what to do or where to turn, it's extremely difficult because I am not sure which direction to follow. I can't sell my happiness to make my family happy, I also don't know what to do. I was recently dating a Lebanese that lives in Nigeria, but we broke up recently
Even some of our religious leaders will be claiming to "see" visions of the "Igbo man" am to marry, it's until I stopped relying on them for primary guidance that I got my sanity back. The truth is I have been highly compatible with certain personalities, most of whom are white. I have dated Nigerians, mostly Igbos and somehow we don't gel. I need your advise please Stella, how do I handle this? My mom is always talking about "investigating" the family of the man am to marry so we know information from the root, how will that happen with interracial marriage?
Please no one should tell me I haven't tried with my heart and mind in it because I have. Please I am not desperate to get married, so don't aunty gwegs me. Please I don't need any insults just constructive advice, if you don't have anything helpful to say please just move on to the next post. Thanks.
*You sound confused and not really sure of what you want.If the pressure is too much,have a talk with your parents and make them realise what its doing to you.
I am a 27year old lady, first child and grandchild of a relatively influential Igbo family. I can tell you whole heartedly that since I came back to the country, over 25men have come to my parents with the sole aim of marriage. Some were quite nice, but None have worked out so far, ( Thank God), I have 7 siblings, 3 are my sisters the other brothers.
Honestly, right from when I was a teenager, an early teenager to be precise, I have always been atttacted to white guys, and not for the wrong reasons, mostly because of my uncanny nature and the intellectual compatibility (which is extremely important). I Ihave prayed that I end up with one, at some point though I thought it wasn't Gods plan for me as it wasn't happening, eventually I almost married an uneducated Igbo guy (out of pressure) that I had no feelings for. Infact we were extreme opposites, but I believe God saved me and it fell right apart.
The point is Stella I am not against marrying from my tribe or marrying a Nigerian, but God knows that's not my hope, also the relationship has not so far worked at all. Today mom and dad called me and said there was yet another man from our home town that wants to "see me" this Christmas because he has intentions of marriage, my parents won't force of course but they will ginger you to consider, all the while they were telling me this, I was thinking of my complicated relationship with my now ex boyfriend. I don't know what to do or where to turn, it's extremely difficult because I am not sure which direction to follow. I can't sell my happiness to make my family happy, I also don't know what to do. I was recently dating a Lebanese that lives in Nigeria, but we broke up recently
Even some of our religious leaders will be claiming to "see" visions of the "Igbo man" am to marry, it's until I stopped relying on them for primary guidance that I got my sanity back. The truth is I have been highly compatible with certain personalities, most of whom are white. I have dated Nigerians, mostly Igbos and somehow we don't gel. I need your advise please Stella, how do I handle this? My mom is always talking about "investigating" the family of the man am to marry so we know information from the root, how will that happen with interracial marriage?
Am I wrong for wanting what I want? My mom says God will give what he knows you need not necessarily what you want (part of the reason I almost married someone I did not love because I thought it might be the right thing SMH), I believe it though to an extent but I also believe it's relative. What do you think? I have quite a number of Lebanese and Italian friends, there are stereotypes especially surrounding the Lebanese, but its not generalised, right?
I am thinking Lebanese because I am still in love with my ex, it's not however restricted to them. I do apologise for my wavering thoughts, please help in any way you can, you can just give me a general advise, at the very least please Stella.
Please no one should tell me I haven't tried with my heart and mind in it because I have. Please I am not desperate to get married, so don't aunty gwegs me. Please I don't need any insults just constructive advice, if you don't have anything helpful to say please just move on to the next post. Thanks.
*You sound confused and not really sure of what you want.If the pressure is too much,have a talk with your parents and make them realise what its doing to you.
About your choice on whom to marry its your entirely but i understand that as the first child there will be pressure.
Dont cave in to a loveless Marriage but also remember that some arranged marriages turn out great!
Nawaoo
ReplyDeleteSo Lebanese man na white man...lmao...poverty mentality and low self-esteem is your problem...
DeleteThis response is the truth!!!.
DeletePoster, deep breaths..... calm down pls, now read this carefully
DeletePersonally, the most important factor for me when it comes to marriage is RELIGION, I'm guessing you're a Christian, if you are, then you'll know once you become one with a man, his God becomes your God, afterall, 2 cannot work (walk) together except they agree, right?
Having said this, I hope you know Lebanese are NOT Christians?
I hope you know they generally aren't tolerant of other religions?
Now, an European is a great idea, as long as you love each other and they're mostly Christians, right?
I know your parents mean well but ultimately, your happiness should come first, be selfish about it, no one is responsible for your happiness so go for what makes you happy
You need to talk to your parents, especially your mum, let them know how you feel, your heart desire and make them understand, ask for more time......
Meanwhile, keep your heart open, there are great Nigerian men, who knows, you just might meet one on your own or from the many suitors coming to see your parents
But pls hurry up, woman time dey quick pass o and pls forget about Lebanese guys, hian!
SHARONNA
So na Lebanese be your spec. Smh inferiority of the highest order.
DeleteThere is nothing wrong in you marrying a white but Lebanese?
Smh for you. Is lebanese white? When did lebanese become white? So if a white man doesn't come you will marry 'anything' thats fairer than you?
DeleteAnd your mum is right. If you like hit your head in the wall from now till thy Kingdom come. If it's not God's will it's not His will. Me that I kept bragging that I will marry at 25. Latest 26. I went and starting dating, ignoring flaws. 'I must marry by 26' was what was on my mind. And the actually guy wanted to get married. But were we compatible? No. He didn't meet certain goal points that wouldnt have helped me become a better person in the long run. Started praying and God started speaking. Showed me a dream where I was desperately about to enter a vehicle going to my destination and the guy was holding my leg. What does that mean? That guy would not help me achieve my destiny/dreams. So I broke it off and everyday I thank God I did because his current situation is just exactly what God showed me. Yet at the time it felt that I was on the right track. The bible says there's a way that seems right to a man but the end leads to destruction.
STOP praying for God to bring you a white husband. Ask him to bring you YOUR OWN husband. White, black, Asian or Arab. Your husband will be your crown.
Plus, Who told you that there aren't black men who are even smarter than white men and will be more intellectually compatible? No be that igbo boy dey British Parliament for UK? Is he white? Yet some white british are homeless and doing odd jobs to get by,drinking in pubs day and night.
Hahahaha. The rate at which you're sweating and crying you will go and bring one wrinkled old white man and say that you've found your match. Just to say 'I marry white'.
Plus, those shady europeans can read the thoughts of a desperate black girl. Most europeans are very shrewd if you don't know. They will marry you and then get lazy and you will start working. And you no fit talk because them don help you with passport and they know africans dont like divorce. My ex boss that's what happened to her. Today she's saddled with a white man as her husband of 4 kids, yet she's the breadwinner of the home. All he did for her was help her with that passport so she can push her career further. She's a successful woman on the island scene and uses the surname to arrange some maps but we insiders know the full gist.
If you insist, I happen know certain girls who do only whiteys and two of them have married. Maybe you can try. By the time you date 4 and they finish your vagina and anus you will know if it's in God's plan or not.😂😂
Wish you're my friend I for knock sense into that your head. Dey there dey cry. No look for correct bobo marry.
This one is a very confused girl,and you said you're 27yrs of age,you reason like a 16yrs old.
DeleteLebanese White????? Hahhahahjajajajjajja
DeleteSo on point.
DeleteThis 1 Na mgbeke feeling funky who told u good men are not in igbo land be dia looking for frustrate Oyibo Na ur body will tell you b4 u knw what's happening he will divorce you go ask Kate Henshaw how far, complexity of the highest order that'swhy I love my igbo brothers even if he married a white woman surely he will marry an igbo or African woman don't go learn from the men.
DeleteIdentity crisis. She obviously thinks she is white from hanging out too much with white people. Marry them and let them show you what they really think of the color of your skin. Not all are bad...like 2%!
DeleteAnonymous 17:20 I'm Lebanese yet also a Christian. Don't say things you know nothing about
Delete@Sharonna. Who is this ignoramus? You write like you believe you are an authority but I couldn't read your epistle because your first few sentence show you don't know what you are taking about.
DeleteThere are many, many Lebanese Christians. In fact Christian, Shia or Sunni is how they categorize themselves. Please read other things apart from Stella's blog. Listen to the news and learn from your environment. Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Israel, Iraq are all countries in the Middle East that have sizeable Christian minorities.
As for the chronicle poster, you are being superficial with your criteria but who you marry and why should be your choice.
I'll just tell you to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. You might want to give in to pressure right now, but at the end, you are always responsible for your own happiness. Also ask yourself "is it worth it?" pray more and maybe you'll find the one whom you seek.
ReplyDeleteBTW, you sound intelligent. I hope you find peace
Nne GOD will direct you............. AMEN
DeleteLebanese men?😲
ReplyDeleteMy dear you really are confused.
First, you said your parents won't force you but might ginger you (cajole) into marrying someone you don't want.
Then you said you almost married someone you didn't love.
Please hold on and stop making it look like a race. Talk to your parents to let you breathe and think things through.
Keep praying about the man you want to end up with and who knows it just might come to pass.
Lebanese though? Hmmmmmmmm
The stereotype about them besides their stinginess is not something I'd wish for an enemy but since you've dated a couple then I guess you could still end up with a good one.
Stop thinking about your ex, he is an ex for reason right? You need to move on totally from what was to what will be and could be.
Stop crying and be focused, Igbo, Yoruba or Kanuri when it's time the right man will find you but he might not find you while you're busy chasing and holding on to the past.
Wow! what a story, Poster follow your heart dear, at the end all that matters is your Happiness, talk to your parents and let them see reasons with you but on that Lebanese part biko find another kind of oyibo now, Americans and Britains nko?? God see you through
DeleteLebanese men wit thr uncircumcised willy... Just how do u cope?
DeleteLebanese kwa? Ada mmadu?biko you need to pause and have a rethink inugo?
DeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletePG 18
DeleteNa complex dey wari you madam.you av joined bad gang. U like badthings and you feel a light skined guy wont judge you(Lebanese no be white o!)but i sorry for you and ur over watching of oyinbo film. Films have script writer,directors and camera man.location manager inclusive.sorry but ur x knows you av a thing 4 light skin bobo and he is using you, im very sure e broke up with you.1 problem i know african women have is pretence.african woman too pretend and for that reason they dont get it right. Always open up to a man be it white or black and see what happens. As we have strict black guys we also have strict white guys.open up to ur man.openning up is the reason you see the so called runs girls, get married to the best man and live happyly ever after.
ASHAWO WAS 1's A VIRGIN.
Let me just read comments on this one.
ReplyDelete*grabs cucumber*
So all the while you were abroad till you reached this age no white man agreed to date and actually marry you? They see your weakness. No white man needs a needy black woman. Most white men dating black women feel that Black represents a solid character and an independent soul and you most certainly lack it.
DeleteYour father's enemies has finally caught him... They are surely playing with your sense and Destiny..
ReplyDeleteIt is always advisable for "ada" not to marry far for outside their state.. but for love, you can break it.
But my dear A LEBANESE?? You must be Kidding!!! Those guys aren't referred to as white.. I will slap my elders sister if she brings such species home..
What happened to the the Europeans? The British citizens? The Americans?
You need to go back to your pastors to pray for you, because someone is controlling your life from a mirror in your village..
My thoughts
I love Europeans😘😘😘😘
DeleteIdeato, your first paragraph shows how clueless you are.
DeleteWill you like it if someone puts Nigerians in quote, and tags us with the negative undertone you used to describe the Lebanese people? You are one girl that basks in pseudo euphoria of being smart, but you forever come across as a girl with low intellect.
DeleteMy sis u be typical Igbo babe,lol.U won kill me with laff @ such species.U mean joor.
DeleteThank u @ Bay! Ideato be sounding very daft and foolish most times. Wanting to come across as sensible but ends up sounding dumb!
DeleteHonestly ideato u really cracked me up with this your comment
Delete@Ideato. Abeg cum marry me jare...
DeleteDon't mind all dis mumu people wey dey insult u anyhow.
I like ur comment!!!
My sister no be only u
ReplyDeleteAll my life I've been craving for oyinbo to marry
I see your sarcasm o
DeleteMy dear. LEBANESE and Indians are not oyibo
DeleteSo help you God D
DeleteHi Ibukun
DeleteIbukun I get one India man I wan give u for that ibadan wey u dey stay, all Na white men :)
Delete*oyibo*
Deletemy dear carry your cross. Even if we advice you, you go still do wetin dey your mind.
ReplyDeletePoor child... .. She's confuse abt the Mata of the heart.
ReplyDeleteLemme jus skip to the next post.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteIf she is a child, den u must be a foetus...dnt go and face ur book for for dat unizik wey u dey...tata
DeletePoster, have a heart to heart talk with your parents, tell them you're not ready to marry yet, and that you're waiting for a white man to come your way (maybe a Lebanese).
ReplyDeleteYou want to marry a white man but you live in Nigeria, your chances of finding a genuine single white man is very low!
Why not travel to a white man's dominated country, then you can easily find one or more that you can choose from.
Just so you know, Lebanese people are not white and most of them already have wives in their country.
I hope you find what/who you're looking for.
Tell her oooo... Gullible Nigerians do not know those species are not white
DeleteYou will know them na, because u have tasted all of them. Cheap mgbeke come let me f****k u hard
DeleteMadam,U must hv been dating d worst if Igbo men.I don't think you will still fancy Lebanese guys if you hv been lucky to date a handsome,tall,athletically built, educated, brilliant, rich young igbo guy like me.
ReplyDeletePls bvs is dz guy related to mark or buhari.... I aff tayad fr he post.
DeleteYou won't be surprised he's an agbero in rumuokoro.. Wtf
😂😂😂 James u no get level leave that thing...adults re talking here short engine dey put mouth
DeleteAbia!!!!! LMAO 😁
DeleteStop it
DeleteHaha, trust you!
Delete*of
DeleteNwanne gwam oku!No be small rich na mega rich young Igbo guy.
DeleteJames stoopeeeet!.
DeleteAju!!!
DeleteYimu!
u wanna turn gwez?
ReplyDeleteShe's a gwegz. Wait for your white man o.. Lol
DeleteFollow your mind and heart,there's nothing wrong in marrying from another country
ReplyDeleteOh sweet Jesus take the wheel. Poster one advice for you is never sell your happiness because of anyone. I repeat anyone.
ReplyDeletePoster, follow your mind and bone whoever your parents wants for you. They are not going to live with you afterwards. I know one or two people that married white and are good so to me, it dosent matter. Thank your star you have stopped visiting the so called religious prophets that claims to see vision upandan. They would have ended up confusing you the more so follow your mind pls for your happiness counts ist..
ReplyDeleteShe needs to visit them dear... This her case is beyond physical! A LEBANESE???
DeleteTufiakwa
At least you know what ur heart desires, let love lead the way.. Like i said yesterday, we're all in pursuit of happiness, apparently white skin (not Albino) makes ur heart do jigi-jigi, make sure ur parents see reasons with u, it wldnt be easy since ure the 1st, but they shld knw ur happiness is paramount.
ReplyDeleteSome suitors sef tire me oh, you just see a young lady & the nxt thing in ur mind i marriage, i mean, how do they do that? Is she like a phone u can buy & download the apps you like inside? The thing tire me. Goodluck gal.
Then wait for oyibo husband naaa......or better still travel back to the state n look for one oyibo to hook with pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYou said you have been crying,for what exactly?
You don't have any problem.
Can you be this local? How do you hook a white man with pregnancy? If he doesn't want you, he doesn't
DeleteU can say dat again, Kim... She tiks she's gat a P!!
DeleteIntact I was just Tinkin dah did is not a chronicle if not for the commenta...madam you are just bin confused...go and pray to God and stop all dis ur oyinbo and leba issue...cry to God,he can only wipe ur tears
DeleteHian! Big man wahala
ReplyDeleteYour mates are crying cos them no see man marry them. But you are crying bcos you have too many to choose from, yet you want that one you haven't seen?? Naa waah
No need to cry! Just explain to your parents what you want and wait for your white man! Keep waiting until he comes
Above all don't marry someone you don't love! Or who doesn't love you... marriage is not a child's play oooh! Good luck in your search
Some girls are plain stupid! Wetin you carry Lebanese dick dey do? It's not even correct oyibo man sef
DeleteSorry I'm laughing but you dying on top oyibo man marriage is funny.
ReplyDeleteIf you meet a fine, clean, drop dead hand---some black man that's so loving, caring, God fearing and everything OK. My Darling you will forget your white man marriage
fantasy.
Times like this listen to your parents. They mean well don't just disregard their advice even tho you won't take it, think am well. All the best!
This world eh! See me running from oyibo and praying to meet a correct naija bobo to marry and somebody has about 25 suitors but cannot see a correct one among them. Hian
DeleteThe poster said "if you don't have anything reasonable to say move to the next post"
ReplyDeleteOya make una forward match to the next post.
BTW, poster yourself should forward match to the next post because you are sounding like a confused fellow.
Do you want to be unfortunate fellow?
How old are?
I'm not understanding this your my pastor said,
My mum said and
Your "I think" story
I am also a first daughter and a year you get than you and so I know what you are going through. Most igbo mothers want their daughters to marry an Igbo man and still it's not every igbo speaking tribe they will still agree to oooh. I am dating a non igbo and I have stood my ground obout him. What I did wash made sure he knows some key figures in my family. Those likely to hold sway and I thank God that they fell in love with him. I have met several others but my heart and all alwaysreturns to him. I left and stayed outside the country for 3 years but I still returned despite proposals. My dear I had to let them know that they the livestogetherfor years in happiness. Its the man I love and not the state. Please do the same jare. If his family adores you like mine does, shikena
ReplyDeleteWith this your gbagaun, am sure no Ibo guy will want to marry you sef. Work on your use of english.
DeleteYou don't have a free mind.
ReplyDeleteI bet the Nigerian men who walk up to you always end on the comparison table in your heart, and of course, the white side of the table always wins.
You didn't tell why you prefer whites, be honest with yourself, why do you want a white man? Papers? Societal relevance? Swag? You hate Nigerians?
What exactly tilts the table towards the whites for you?
When you know this, sit down and ask yourself if there's no Nigerian male that has it. Or maybe you are just meeting the wrong Nigerian men.
With your write-up you will pick a violent white man over a caring Nigerian man...which is a terrible attitude towards a FOREVER journey.
For now, find yourself first and know what you want. You ain't matured for a relationship yet, talk less a marriage.
I love,love,love this comment!
DeletePoster drink coconut oil, pour enough of olive oil on your head so that oil go dey your head. Then kneel down and pray to God to direct your footsteps to were your destiny is.
ReplyDeleteI kept checking my mail to see if Santa has located me
ReplyDelete..... For where!
Santa please na locate me.
Lmao
DeleteWhat do u need for santa
DeleteMadam respect dis ur begging attitude. It's too much. Can't u bless someone no matter how small? ...than waiting for someone to bless u. Keep waiting ohhh but pls stop posting Santa comment bikooo
DeletePoster you need a confirm naija d**k to fuck sense into your head.
ReplyDeleteOyibo women are looking for naija guys to handle well on bed and you that have them around you is running to oyibo men.
Anyway they say that a prophet has no value in his father's land.
Reading comments
ReplyDeleteFix her confusion oh Lord
ReplyDeleteI think it's normal to have a preference so if you're not desperate as you say then talk to your parents about it. But if we're being realistic... you're in Nigeria and I'm guessing an ibo state so those are mostly the kind of men you'll meet so you have to know it'll take time.
ReplyDeleteChai,see. Confusion
ReplyDeleteWill be reading comments, Bvs who knows any church in Abuja that will marry a pregnant bride me and fiance will like to attend the marriage class and would really love a church wedding
ReplyDeleteGet a hall n invite a minister to bless ur union where ur reception will hold.
DeletePoster,your chronicle is just disjointed
ReplyDeleteMchewwwwww!!!! Just imagine this one. You are soaking your top with tears for a silly reason. I think you need to see a therapist, you sound like you are about to loose it. There's no current oyibo at the moment, none has proposed to you, you are not desperate to marry, then why are you crying??? Bia take your time oo 😞😞😞 when you find your oyibo and he proposes to you and your family refuses, then come back for advice. For now, please shift one side.
ReplyDeleteAbeg..it haf do o....everytime marriage talk.....nigeria babes and marriage... All the chronicles is about marriage and relationship and now mostly ladies o
ReplyDeleteGirl u falling in love with the wrong ppl what did I hear you say hmmm Lebanese and Italians. If u don't want to marry an ibo man or any other tribe from Africa then pray to meet a a Caucasian than Lebanese that will end up going back to his country and marry his fellow Arab. Pls lots of good ibo men out there,just free your mind.
ReplyDeletePoster, I could be ur dream man.I am an American guy that came into the world as an Igbo.Rich,highly educated & exceptionally brilliant.
ReplyDeleteBut u should hv d qualities I want in a woman. U hv to be at least 6" tall,Slim, very beautiful, intelligent, highly educated,excellent upbringing, well mannered,shy & respectful.Reply if u r interested
Coded runs babe looking for papers lol
ReplyDeletePoster u are too intelligent to be seeking advice here. Most of the comments can't even construct good English like yours. So just go and find advice somewhere else I swear
ReplyDeleteAs in!, most of the people who comment here are bush and cannot reason in a logical manner!.
DeleteI wonder what happened to the upwardly mobile crowd that used to comment here. Maybe they stopped commenting to avoid being insulted by sone uneducated buffoon.
My thought exactly..... thank you very much.
DeleteMy thought exactly..... thank you very much.
DeleteIt is wrong to categorize all Nigerians as being of "low intellectual depth and compatibility"; you are also a Nigerian, aren't you? If you keep to this mindset, don't forget that most "whites" do also categorize Nigerian ladies as being of low intellectual capacity and then you come right under that category. They will only see you as "not good enough" and perhaps a sex tool.. .
ReplyDeleteI am a Nigerian, Igbo and married and live among a majority white populace. I understand the thought process of most "whites" when it comes to issues like these. You probably are elevating yourself to an unhealthy level of mental development which in time to come you will find to be worthless and not the right yardstick for a good companionship in such an intimate relationship as marriage. If you are not careful, this attitude might tend to pride which is a negative emotion that will only destroy and not build.
The problem I see here is that you have no "depth of knowledge of God"; no personal relationship with Christ. Why not cultivate one? Why not begin to fast and pray, separate yourself to seek him in knowing his word by studying it and have a personal relationship with him? Then will you know what is important even to you.
I workout a lot in the gym here but it is good to also have a healthy "spiritual workout regimen" for you are not only a physical being but also a spiritual being.
Most intelligent comment I have ever read on this blog. Y are u anonymous. Would have loved to connect with you. This poster should write a thank u letter t u for this comment.
DeleteTruth is if you have a thing for foreigner, you will never see anything right in a nja man.
ReplyDeleteYou might not want to hear the truth, but it's what it is!
Date a responsible man from any nationality with a lot of good qualities and open your heart to it.
Yes, I believe in getting what God says is best for you, HIS plans has never been of evil!!
2 of my friends marriages were by matchmaking and these are part of the few people I admire their homes. Being hooked up by your folks is not a bad thing.
Date that guy your parents spoke about, date any other guy available but forget your ex please, he's your ex for a reason.
Have fun, not sex. Enjoy dating and hanging out, it will help you identify few things that are going to be a plus or minus, not in a cubicle where we are constantly refrained.
Stop draining yourself emotionally with those tears, it will only make you look older than you are, eat well, look good and be positive God will give you the best of the men out there.
MrsBee
Wow! what a story, Poster follow your heart dear, at the end all that matters is your Happiness, talk to your parents and let them see reasons with you but on that Lebanese part biko find another kind of oyibo now, Americans and Britains nko?? God see you through
ReplyDeleteBe focus and set your goals. Lebanese is not it o. Italian???? Haa! My dear, please pray and allow God give you what you need. He said ask and it shall be given, knock and the door shall be open. Also dont you think something is wrong spiritually? I mean for about 25men to ask for your hand in marriage and you just didn't feel a thing for one??? It is well. God will see you thru.
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel poster, you said you're more attached to or feel more attracted to the whites, cause of what you see and personality stuff but reading through your post, it seems that you dont even have one(THE WHITES) that you are seriously in a relationship with, just that you are still in love with your ex. They say a bird at hand is worth more than a million in the bush, so while dont you have one white that you crave so much and probably who you would like to settle down with. Maybe when you could convince your parents on how seriouse your relationship is with any white, they might consider you with your choice of partner. My question to you now is, with all these suitors coming to ask your hand in marriage, and none has seems to work out for you, which WHITE MAN have you taken home to daddy to see what their reaction would be ?
ReplyDeleteGwegz alert. You dey cry, for what gan exactly ? Go monalido for Apapa, you go see a lot of Lebanese there to choose from.
ReplyDeleteRubbish chronicle.
Swhhrt, it is well ok? the thing is see ehn Lebanese men are a no no, I have them as clients, several of them actually and trust me they are very bad mannered and uncouth. I've met Igbo guys that are well educated, intelligent and smart too, so pls don't write them off. Your next match make might just be it tho. Anyways why don't you do this it worked for me, that 31st night prayer, get a pen and pepper write down what you want God to do for you, be very specific,keep the paper smhwre and forget abt it and have faith then watch God do it all. All the best.
ReplyDeleteClient you mean customers abi??? Lebanese men treat you how you want to be treated... if you are a prostitute then forget it , they will be very rude to you.. so i dont know which you are
DeletePoster , it's not easy to catch whitey o ... not all of them want black girls , and if you see what makes you thin it will end in a happy marriage ?
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to say you Nigerian men have no intellectual capacity ? Or you just want mixed children ? What exactly is your obsession with a white man? They are human just like us but with no melanin. That's all . Why are u basing your 'forever' on melanin?
I hope you are not suffering from a curse o , because that's how you will be ignore suitors till your are 35 and then no single man would want you , the white man too , you wouldn't get . By then you will bite ur finger in regret
"Intellectual compatibility" Don't know the kind of Nigerian men you've been dating, but there are some pretty intelligent ones out there. Till you drop the mentality that "just cause they are white, they are smart" you'll never have a chance with a black dude
ReplyDeleteYou act like your are better than the Igbo men seeking your hand in marriage . Your inflated ego and pride would be your very downfall .
ReplyDeleteWhy not humble yourself ? Take it to the lord in prayers. You will not even last in a marriage with your attitude. Open ur heart to those around you, a white man would not fall from heaven .Your chances of hooking one in Nigeria is very very very very slim . No be only you they find them
My advise - make do with what you have . Don't throw away the eggs in your hands for the ones in the bush
I personally love Igbo men . They often times know what they want , and make it a life long mission to care for their family
About your Lebanese - i doubt your parents would agree to that , in addition don't because of desperation to hook a white skin (despite it being Lebanese) sacrifice your happiness and future
stella y not look for an oyinbo hubby for her as Christmas present and save her from this her pain.
ReplyDeletePoster, I think u shld suspend anything marriage for now. Let ur parents knw dis too. Any decision u make now will be a mistake.
ReplyDeleteSiT ur parents down and talk to dem, let dem knw wen u r ready, u will bring d man home...
U Also need to get a job or sometinn to kEep u busy and occupy ur mind.
In a bit to marry a white, don't also settle down for anything just to fulfil dat wish.
Lastly, put it in prayers. God will sort u out and give u peace
NB: to marry a whiteman quickly, u have to be around where dey r. Register in shell club etc or relocate abroad if u can.
dear poster, you are still young. take things easy. tell ur parents that you are not ready. they wlll give you time. go out and mingle.
ReplyDelete#If you don't go after what you want, you will never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always NO. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place*
ReplyDeleteIf you are even talking of better oyinbo I will reason you. Lebanese? 😕 are you for real?
ReplyDeletePls Listen to Bipolar Me☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝
So na u be better black? Idiot
DeleteLEBANESE?? Please look else where. How are those ones white? If you want to marry white please faceface better white people. Don't go and marry stingy ads Lebanese men with their smelly garlic breath. How do you people date Lebanese? Ndi ejiri twaja?? (my igbo is bad, I know but this would make more sense in igbo language)
ReplyDeleteAunt Stella, this should be a topic oooo. Am in the same issue and if i say that am not turn apart then i must be a liar. Am igbo from Anambra state (First Child), My Boo is Yoruba from Lagos. The worse is that my mum doesn't want to hear about it at all. My Father is late, she keeps using a dead man to determine my life, this woman said, if i get pregnant, that she will curse me. She said, she will not bless the marriage or stand for me. This alone can make you confused about life.
ReplyDeleteI need help too. Am getting older and i don't want problem with my life. People that say, sit your parents down and talk to them, do you know how else to talk to the parents.
Talk to your parents about what you want and they should give you time and stop pressuring you, you are talking about oyinbo i beg count Lebanese out them no follow at all except for the colour.
ReplyDeleteOyibo mean wetin? If oyibo nobi colour then na what? Nigerians and their foolish mentality
DeleteWhy dnt u gv d nigerian guys a chance..
ReplyDeleteThis one na cocoa house....oga gan!
ReplyDeleteI don't know why you are crying though... Kindly follow your heart,tankio
Dear Poster: One day at a time, you need to breathe, take a deep breath and relax..we all aspire for one thing or the other but sometimes we need to bend the rules so we can get what we want..relax you may meet your dream man who may be a Nigerian who will surpass all the Italians and Lebanese you ever wanted...Are u ready to live their way of life?? Marriage is beyond intellect and there is no perfect man on earth which includes you..just breathe!!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, when I was done reading, in my mind was what! Is that why she is crying. I was expecting something serious. Well since the Lebanese is an ex, why not try this one your parents are bringing. Or have you brought any responsible white guy home and they said no ?
ReplyDeleteI pray God will put you through...
ReplyDeletePoster I am a guy and I must say you are just being naive. reading your write up, its very clear you still need to grow mentally.
ReplyDeleteMost of these Lebanese/Pakistanis/Indians you see here in Nigeria are all married back home and are mostly Muslims or Hindus. I have worked with a few and most are racists as well. So you are facing both cultural, religious and geographical divide.
I'll advise you to take your time, please dont be pressurized but in all those 25guys who have come, there must be 3 or 4 who must have loved you genuinely.
Just do a soul searching.
My 2cent. Goodluck
Poster you need to work on yourself first,take a break,understand and invest in your personality because your confusion no be hear abeg
ReplyDeletePoster. Ur parents dont really knows who you are. With the Lebanese ex and whatever fake whites you just mentioned showed your LIFE STYLE has some question signs. I stay in Europe and we all know these your claim fake whites. You are just fooling yourself. I pray GRACE knock your door and redeem you as soon as possible.
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahahahahahah I have never laughed so hard before. A hahahahahah poster you are a damn fool! And this is coming from a British citizen.
ReplyDeleteYour narrative is characterized with so much repugnance(not interested in your inconsistent use of grammar though). How do you relate getting married to someone you had no sort of nexus with and not necessarily out of pressure and your parents allowing you to choose yet they're bringing a suitor by year end?
ReplyDeleteYou need a change of mentality regarding your life partner. Love or husband has absolutely nothing to do with race. It's a childhood ambition quite alright but not everything you hankered as a child that you've gotten as an adult.
In your avidness to get married to anything white, you dismissed the fact that a Lebanese man isn't white after all.
Babe, you need to change your orientation about race. Give yourself the privilege of doubt by looking inwards.
James Forbes once said "When people rely on surface appearances and false racial stereotypes, rather than in-depth knowledge of others at the level of the heart, mind and spirit, their ability to assess and understand people accurately is compromised".
I like ur comment. Good advice.
DeletePoster, don't rush into marriage probably it's because you really bent on marrying Oyinbo, just look before you leap
ReplyDeleteLebanese and Italians are not white. The are coloured just like you.
ReplyDeleteYou be mumu... Nigerians are not black also they are just burnt cos of the sun...
DeleteYou be illiterate .... Nigerians are not blacks too they are just burnt cos of the sun
DeleteSo Nigerians aren't intellectually sound enough? That's the only grouse I have with your writeup. Anyway, you are free to fall in love with whatever nationality of your choice, be it Lebanese or Togolese. It is well with you.
ReplyDeletePoster,they are good men in every trip but I want to advise u as an elderly person,am a Christian nd have been married for 22 years now,what matters to me in marriage is if d guy is of d same faith wit mine.marriage is an everlasting institution nd u must make sure d guy believes in jesus christ who will help both of u to stay married.Those other guys u hv dated may be good but pls marry someone that will make u remain faithful to God nd him.pray that God give u wisdom to chose d right person
ReplyDeleteAfter reading her write up, I went back to check the age again I saw 27 years. Poster you need to priotize your needs, separate your wants from your needs u will see that you may not really need a white man, a man who cares for you, treats you well, loves God and loves you should be what u will be praying for, abi na half caste u want born? inferiority will not kill us blacks.
ReplyDeletePlease, if you want to marry a white man,choose a complete white guy from a good country.Perhaps you should move back to the diaspora.Anything worth doing is worth doing well.best of luck
ReplyDeleteLife and marriage is all about choice, marry who will make you happy
ReplyDeleteWhat exactly is this one's problem?
ReplyDeleteChikito d Professional.... 1000 likes to ur comment. U hit d nail on d head. Poster, dats ur answer der.
ReplyDeleteand someone said italians are not whites.
ReplyDeleteHoney, try to keep an open mind, it would be prudent not be be too fixated on marrying from a particular race, the character of the man should be of utmost importance.
ReplyDeleteBeing biracial and growing up the way I did, I was the least likely to marry a Nigerian man. My dad is Nigerian but spent most of his life in Ireland, so he isn't the "typical Nigerian" man. When we relocated to Nigeria, I got the rudest shock of my life! I saw how crass and mean most Nigerian men were, especially to their wives. I saw men degrade women in the most demeaning way and the saddest part was, the women seemed to thrive and remain subservient. Without being told I knew I would NEVER date a Nigerian let alone marry one. Being the only girl and the last child, I was practically raised like a princess and I was adored by all the men in my life at the time, my dad and my brothers.
When I was in law school I dated a fellow biracial dude whose dad happens to be Irish and our families were super close. We were referred to as "Ken and Barbie". We seemed tailor-made for each other, our love was "written in the stars" and it seemed apparent that we would get married. Alas! Trouble sprouted in "paradise", suddenly it seemed our love was written in the clouds which was easily blown away by the turbulent wind. I ended the relationship and was about considering an American dude who was also a family friend because I vowed never to date a Nigerian man unless he was as amazing as my dad. I hadn't found any and honestly wasn't searching.
To cut an incredibly long story short, I was travelling back to Wales after my call to bar ceremony.I was chilling at the airport when this tall, dark chocolaty hunk of manly goodness made a beeline to my direction. I swear, it felt like time stood still! I was transfixed! He introduced himself with this baritone fit for a Greek god. Apparently he was returning home to settle down after over 30 years in the States. Suddenly, his nationality meant nothing to me. 2 years later, I said "I do" to this creature of perfection! It's been 14 amazing years with 2 adorable angels and I can tell you with mathematical certainty that he is the BEST man I have ever met. My intelligence pales in comparison with his. I've always felt like a queen but with him, I feel like the Queen of queens! I'm actually teary eyed as I write this because the love we share is sublime! It's indescribable! I still get butterflies in my tummy when I'm around him. Sometimes I wakeup to see him staring lovingly at me. Can you imagine what I would have missed if I insisted on getting married to a Caucasian? Who knows? I probably would have been a divorcee by now.
My darling, go for the heart of the man and not necessarily the colour of his skin. Sometimes the best gifts come in the "wrong" package.
#e-bearhugs.
Thanks for your story. When skin tone becomes a requirement for a life partner you might get the shocker of Your life.
DeleteThat's how when I went to do my masters all my classmates made sure they hooked one white guy or the other before the course ended. It didn't matter if he was a scaffolder or bank manager, posh or local. They just wanted to send pictures home so everyone would see they never returned without 'onyeocha'. As usual I dey talk them no dey hear.
Hahaha. Today where are they? Some Divorced, some unfulfilled (as they can see that there are more preasong issues in life than marrying 'a white man'), some are angry dealing with culture clashes and honestly some are happy and doing well. So its not cast in stone biko. A black man can make you happy, just like any other race. There are some men who are black skinned but think and act differently from what we perceive.
Poster just needs to chill out.
Nice story
DeleteMy dear dont mind all this people saying you should go for your nigerian men blah blah blah...
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the poster saying lebanese is not white,i think you sound like an iliterate. Its like saying is cameroon black? Or cote d'viore is not black cos its not nigeria...
Any country be it Arab, Asia or America is white so stfu cos you dont know what you are sayin..
Back to you poster pls if you have a guy that you love and he is white pls marry him dont listen to anyone... I always use to tell my friends i would marry a white man and they will laugh and say you go tey for busstop... Now who is laughing?? Last year i met this amazing white guy and we are married with a cute son... pls dont marry Nigerian men if you dont connect with them...
Let me educate you this semi-literate. There are 4 major races on earth: Caucasian, Mongoloid, black and Australoid. Facial angle, hair texture, jaw size, brow ridges and skin colour are some of the characteristics used to classify each race. I was taught this in my JSS2 (another reason to send your kids to good schools)
DeletePeople from the middle east or those who have similar features are mongoloids. NOT WHITE. Now let me shock you - if those people get into VERY elite Caucasian gatherings, honey they are classified Black. Because the racist white man believes that it's just them and 'the rest'. So Lebanese are NOT white. Don't ever say that again.
But most nigerian girls would rather spend time chasing men than read histories that will educate them. So don't come here with your lebanese and brag that you married a white man. Take several seats. We know how many of you cook 'things' to get married to Asian and Arab men just so you feel 'white'. So Ekuse to you.
Inukwa...so you wan marry all these expired white men that dosent have one naira....nwanne m nwanyi biko anya ruo GI ulo..pray to God to give you what you need to be happy not what you want...but Lebanese.. Tufiakwa
ReplyDeleteYou have not seen a white man ever but you want to marry one. Nne grow up and do your research. After living in America all my life I never had the urge to be with white man. Have you interacted with white person ever. I went to catholic School as kid and I was the only black girl in the whole entire school.I lived in all white neighborhood the same thing.They are not only racist and prejudice but most of them don't respect other people that have a different culture as them. I would suggest you write all things your looking for a man and continue to pray about it. Also maybe consider going abroad in either Europe,Canada and America for a masters program.You can meet with so many ppl. I get what you mean having an open minded, globalized man. But those characteristic necessarily attribute to white man. Stop be timid and close-minded. Black love is so beautiful if you find the right man.
ReplyDelete