STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
JEALOUSY
Hey Stella love,
Thanks for the good work.please post this under chronicles.I need you and my fellow bvs advice asap..
I met my man 3months ago from a mutual friend.I was at a terrible place when we met.I had just ended a relationship with my fiance so I was looking to start afresh.He told me intentions of not wanting to settle down before we met because of the heart break he had some years back from his fiance or wife cause they had done the traditional marriage but some few weeks to their wedding she ran away with their 4months old pregnancy and everything in his house,she later terminated the pregnancy so since then he closed his heart to women and faced God.
He's a nice guy but has this jealousy traits and this is putting a lot of strain our relationship
He has never seen me with any other man,picked any other man's calls but accuses me everytime of cheating.I go out with just him on weekends but never to his house cause we promised waiting till our wedding night.
Hey Stella love,
Thanks for the good work.please post this under chronicles.I need you and my fellow bvs advice asap..
I met my man 3months ago from a mutual friend.I was at a terrible place when we met.I had just ended a relationship with my fiance so I was looking to start afresh.He told me intentions of not wanting to settle down before we met because of the heart break he had some years back from his fiance or wife cause they had done the traditional marriage but some few weeks to their wedding she ran away with their 4months old pregnancy and everything in his house,she later terminated the pregnancy so since then he closed his heart to women and faced God.
He's a nice guy but has this jealousy traits and this is putting a lot of strain our relationship
He has never seen me with any other man,picked any other man's calls but accuses me everytime of cheating.I go out with just him on weekends but never to his house cause we promised waiting till our wedding night.
I am not working presently so I go for interviews but I noticed each time I do,we quarrel because he doesn't believe I went for interview.I have complained to his parents but they keep saying it's nothing,it's because he loves me.
I am scared of getting married to him because I don't want it to get worse after marriage.
I am scared of getting married to him because I don't want it to get worse after marriage.
Can I marry a man who doesn't trust me?
A man who is overly jealous over nothing and probably insecure and has refused to admit he has a problem.Would he change after we get married?my wedding is in a months time,do I cancel it?I am so scared,please your red pen Stella.
Thanks to everyone,please no insults please.
Thanks to everyone,please no insults please.
*WOW,his jealousy must be off the hook...no wonder his last wife ran away...what reason did he tell you made her made her run?
Spousal Jealousy is okay but it has to be positive and controlled.
I dont know if you should go ahead since what you described up there is a ONE CHANCE situation...Have you tried discussing this with him?
If he continues harrassing you then tell him you need some space/time to think..I hope the jealousy doesnt make him an aggressive towards you oh
The time frame that you have known him is too shirt to marry him with this red light he is giving you now.......#ONECHANCE
Errmm i think we've treated this story before! Correct me if i'm wrong tho
ReplyDeleteOnly that this one this add the pastor part.
DeletePoster please refer to previous post and get advice
This chronicles has been sent in before.even I was lashed for saying she should go further.
DeleteMy sister it's not the same story but you know most BVs only read chronicles to hear the latest and not because they plan on learning anything from it.
DeleteMadam poster carry ya 2 legs and run, just as he doesn't believe you when you say you attend interviews,tomorrow he still won't believe that the children your marriage will produce are his.
Infact you need to dig deep and find out why the first lady ran and had to terminate her 4 moths preg.
This ya boo smells of dirty trouble. Run oooo.
Don't trap yourself. Run while you still can.
DeleteYeah we have
DeleteI thought same too,but I think she left it in the comments section not on chronicle.am gonna perch here all day to read comments cos my hubby is like this too and I need advice as well,my hubby is even worst,he's always accusing me of cheating,yet he's the one that got passwords on all his phones,even when he's charging his phone he will turn it facing down and put pillow on it,his phone never rings out,always on vibration.i leave my own phone for him to go through,he knows all my movements,from when I drop the children at school and pick them up,even when I go to the market,church or parties,my hubby calls every half hour from work everyday that I get so sick of it,at times I even get short of words to say to him and he gets angry that am not giving him attention,he trolls my Facebook and accuses me of sleeping with any male that likes my pictures,he will always come up with a fight when he sees me online on WhatsApp and it's not him am chatting with.he does a lot of things I can go on and on.i've tried so many times to talk to him to stop this his attitude that it's really bad and it's affecting the love I have for him but he won't change......dear poster pls don't marry that your boyfriend,that is my advice to you,I don't wish for anyone to be in my shoes cos this sort of extreme jealousy can drive someone crazy,it's a very bad thing,cos there won't be time to love each other and be happy when you are both always fighting over unnecessary accusations,it ruins the mood.
DeleteExactly Becky, we have. Just listen to Stella and refer back to that post and comments on this one.
DeleteThe warning signs are there oh.
DeleteMove on Biko...... And there is something not right about this ur guy.
I might be wrong though.
Obsession things.... R u sure he has heal. Pls see a psychologist
Delete15:41 dooooh sorry ooo. Poster learn from her. 15:41 your hubby is just using reverse psychology on you because he is guilty and doesn't want you to suspect. That is my guess.
DeleteI think so
Deletei'll take your mind to what youve probably not thought about:
Delete1.your man's family knows he has mental issues and are just placating you till you sign the dotted lines
2. you're desperate and he sees that. why else would you meet and marry a man within 4 months?
3. it is going to get worse..yes, the jealous will get worse and he will get violent and obsessive and you will fall into despair and even depression !fact!
Dear anonymous, when i started reading ur coments, i wondered when i sent this coment because this very same thing is happening in my marriage,trust me am so feed up,the difference here is that i dnt get to go to any party, no friend,no facebook or social media talk more of posting my pics while he is in all social media but have them all passworded but the first time he saw password on my phone he had it chattered into piece my dear if i start to talk ee,even as am comenting now am afraid he will just come back now, yes dear is that bad that he went out and i cannot even go to my phone without fear if having he back and asking question bcos ur sis here cannot even touch her phone without him getting angry unneccessary, and did i even tell you guys that he married me a graduate and a virgin . Story for another day ,please poster i am wearing the shoe here and trust me it is very painful so run my dear for your dear life if you still value it unless you wish to be caged the rest of your life.i rest my case.
DeleteHmmmm more than serious
ReplyDeleteLook for his ex and find why she ran for her dear life!...
ReplyDeleteI don't trust this your man!..
He has a big cockroach in his cupboard!...
Babe,dis na serious matter oo,besides 3months my dear is a short time o,considering where ur man is coming from,why is he in haste,there is something fishy,do your investigation well o,above all seek the face of God oo
DeleteGbam!!!! Queen ur head dey work wella
DeleteA very mighty cockroach my dear.
DeleteHehehehehehe
DeleteAswear down!large sized skeleton.
DeleteThis story has been treated before.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle had been addressed here before.
ReplyDeleteU posted diz same story here last week
DeleteHaven't you posted the story before or maybe something very similar?
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I don't trust that his lie that his wife ran away with his properties and 4months pregnancy and later terminated it, do your own findings to know if this is true or he's lying.
Secondly, I hate men that wrongly accuess their gfs/wives of cheating without any concrete evidence, I can't deal with such man abeg
*Larry was here*
Is something similar, not same story.
DeleteThe other one is a pastor.
Hmmmm... Talk with him and see what you can make out of his reason for been jealous... Babe na you wear the shoe oo
ReplyDelete@ poster listen to your heart. I want to understand that you ain't perfect either and that applies to everyone, you don't need to end the marriage if that's just the situation on ground. Talk to him about the trust ish and see if you could work it out together. As an individual, we all have our wrongs and we need someone to tolerate us. You can both work things out but it might definitely takes time. There is one thing about karma and that's why its a bitch, if fvcks U up even when you thought what you did was right as long as it hurts that person, I'm sorry you will get paid same one way or the other.
Delete15:59 wharahell are you on about?
DeleteMy thought exactly,didn't have a clue what he or she was on about,maybe this person read another chronicle.
DeleteIsn't this the same chronicle of the lady who is about to marry a pastor but with a slight difference?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, do you know the real reason a woman he was supposed to marry cancelled the wedding and went as far as terminating her pregnancy and all of this with the support of her family?
I think you waited too late to have this thought I mean it's just a month to your wedding.
Jealousy is not a sigh of love it's possessiveness and it is unhealthy it can lead to worse things like verbal, physical or emotional abuse.
I won't tell you to cancel your wedding, you're probably having cold feet. All of this could have been avoided if you had done your research about this man, truly gotten over your heartbreak instead of jumping into another relationship so soon.
Anyway, I wish you think very well about it and let it not be cold feet making you irrational.
If you know the former wife or fiance go and ask her why she ran off and terminated 4 months pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteYou better leave that man that cannot trust himself, let alone another person.
Sorry is your name oo. Be asking GCE questions
The truth is that everyone has the jealous thing but we all handle them differently, some show it out quickly while some react to it codedly and you won't suspect he/she is jealous but watch the time bomb explode
DeleteStarting a marriage on this ground is so wrong. due to his jealous nature, she could kill you. Left for me, i won't go ahead with the wedding, but hey! you ain't me, so....
ReplyDeleteI wish you the best in whatever decision you take.
But just in case we haven't treated the story, here goes..
ReplyDeleteMy dear how sure are you the break up with his ex was really her fault? Haven't you ever considered the possibility that she ran cos she couldn't deal with him and his insecurities no more?
Marriage is not a child's play. So you should really be sure if that man is someone you can spend the rest of your life with? How long can you endure before you get fed up with him? Don't make the mistake of thinking you can change when you get married.. he won't change! Rather he will get more jealous and possessive cos then he'll feel like you're his wife now and his "property"
So nne use your tongue and count your teeth well! Good luck on the job search
We have my dear...maybe your subscription finished on that day...
DeleteHehehe this Anon ehn... i dunno why i'm just laughing at you. Kwontinue shaa i rove you too lol
DeleteMadam,run for ur life like d first wife did .Just 3 moths friendship with all this wahala .can u do this for d rest of ur life?
ReplyDeleteSpousal jealousy>>>>Spousal abuse>>>>>>Spousal violence>>>>>≥>Spousal death>>>>>>>>
ReplyDeleteNNE biko run 🏇🏇🏇🏇🏇🏇🏇 for ya life cos ds one can't be called a relationship na SITUATIONship u enta so.
Eat wheel gate outof hand ones u 2 are marryed n u becum legaly his.... Therefour, if u can beer the issing of a sneck, dun complane when u aff bin beaten.
ReplyDelete#my 2saint
I think I've read this chronicle here or so....
ReplyDeleteWell, being jealous is normal, but when it's getting out of hand,it can be catastrophic!
He has trust issues cause of his past experience
Well, let him know you're getting sick of his jealousy
If possible give him space
He needs to get over his insecurities.
Lovely comment there chi. we are jealous being but we all handle them differently. You run for your life and meet someone else oh dear I'm sorry you will see another attitude you can't cope with in the other man, will u keep jumping from one man to another. Stay and keep your zone, life is a war zone which addresses our everyday lifestyles.
DeletePoster, run for ur life!! It still only get worse after marriage
ReplyDeleteHow many people has left the northern parts of Nigeria due to bokoharam threats and attacks? Life is just designed to be tough on it's own, are we going to kill yoirself because life is tough? How many people has left Nigeria since the recession started? My dear poster, talk to the bro and make him understand what the insecurity is causing to you. His experience might have brought him to that state and it all applies to everyone, a woman whom her fiancé was snatched by her own bestfriend will never allow any friend closer to her relationship anymore and that's what experience has thought her. Be good and pray for him. Stay beautiful
DeleteManage manage na im dey kee person, mtcheew.
DeletePoster, run for ur life!! It will only get worse after marriage
ReplyDeleteWoman, you just defined "medical psychosis"; a man has a big problem and does not admit he has one! you can't be going into an institution you are "so scared of" and you already know will "get worse when you get married"; reasonably so because you would have become "his own paid and cleared good" that he will just tuck into the house. Delay things and pray until you are not longer "scared of him". Finally the decision is yours to make.
ReplyDeleteAbi ooo, what did she expect the guy's family to say sef, that she should not marry? Poster na only you go borrow yourself brain. You don dey see the signs. I just tire on your behalf, the other one the man na Pastor, this one, hmmmmm. Na una sabi.
DeleteAnd this is d time he should show u his best behaviour. I guess worse is yet to come
ReplyDeleteHaba.you make sense today o.wetin happen? You nor take your ogogoro today?
DeleteHe is jealouse because he loves you,but once he over start doing it,den it is a red light,so
ReplyDeleteBe watchful.
Madam that thing is not love ooo. It's just the obsession to possess another living thing.
DeleteHmmmmmm why is he suspecting you?There is no smoke without fire.Can you swear that you hv been loyal to him? Are you sure that you did not tell him no gbenshing until wedding night while u go behind his back giving ur Toto to useless men and boys to fuk?
ReplyDeleteYou are just a stupid fool mumu
DeleteYour name is the opposite of what you just typed
DeleteWhat stupid smoke without fire,you can't understand this kind of situation till you are in it,then maybe you will get it better,if take a picture,my hubby will pick on everything in the background of that picture and accuse me of cheating.if his calls wakes me up from sleep,and I sound grumpy on the phone when I pick up,he will accuse me that another man is sleeping with me,the next thing my other phone will ring with him video calling me on messenger to see where I am and what am doing.so peace maker,just shut it there pls.this is a serious matter we are discussing here.
DeleteHis gonna be so hatbroked ones u tale him u can't kontinew enymore.... I tink u where too kwick to acept his proposement wen u steel needed to stody him more n clair efri doubt u aff agains him.
ReplyDeleteThis is similar to the chronicles concerning a jealous pastor which was sent in some days ago...abi na the same person.
ReplyDeleteMild bouts of jealousy is normal in a relationship/marriage,but when it's over the top it becomes unhealthy.
ReplyDeleteFrom what you narrated, your fiance is very insecure and overly jealous of course.being in such state could lead to verbal and physical abuse.
Have a talk with him, tell him how much his behavior upsets you.
Chances are, it's gonna get worse in marriage except he realises that what he his doing is wrong and he is willing to take it down a notch.
Talk to him and take it up from there.
Wait, didn't we read this chronicle a few days back? Only difference being the ex which the writer might have ommitted the first time? Oh well...
ReplyDeleteHis story about his wife should be investigated thoroughly by you first. That is the key to the puzzle here.
ReplyDeleteDo not swallow wholeheartedly his testament about his reasons for locking up on love and the rest. May just be a coverup and a means to throw in a deceptively vulnerable part of him while you step down on your nonsense accomodating threshold.
But even his tales be true, pls do not go serious with this guy.
He has unfinished business with himself.
He needs to heal first and not rope in another girl in a relationship of convenience while he stresses her with his insecurities and shattered ego.
One of the reasons i am happy with toke writing her story despite knowing there will be longterm consequences coz of that book, is at least, many girls are about questioning their relationships and the different versions of Maje that be playing them.
So hey, poster, sort out your ish first, slow down with the whole claiming...You are already calling him your man, too premature for a relationship that came with conditions and revelations. You already made a mistake entering a relationship without being on the same mental page with your partner. Soon you will become the nagging, desperate chick with your upcoming expectations.
You are not at peace, you are not in a stable, secure relationship so pls do not stress yourself much.
You weren't born into this world for the purpose of converting your B.F's messed up mindset about women and his truckload of insecurities. You will not progress with this type, you will forever be trying too hard, walking on eggshells around this type.
Always put yourself first, if it makes you so uncomfortable, plot your exit fast before years pass you by.
Finally, never neglect the God factor...God's guidance is needed to hit it right.
I wonder if you gave yourself a chance to reassess your past relationship, if you healed enough, if you learnt any lessons at all.
Hasty rebounds like this can hurt terribly...so pls slow down, shine your eyes well, forget the prospect of wedding, having a man and butterflies and/or sex. Make the right decision for you, your happiness, your future kids wellbeing and even your chance at longstanding salvation which a bad spousal choice can truncate.
Less harsh today, still 👏👏👏👏
DeleteHe's not just jealous, he's making you pay for the heartbreak he suffered in the hands of another woman
ReplyDeleteHave you tried to find out why his wife(?) ran away? Not his version, but the truth?
That she took off with a pregnancy is more disturbing, and with all his stuff?
I bet she saw something stronger than her, my sister, dig deep o
Ok, she left years ago and he's still holding on to the hurt and using that to measure your character? He may have an unforgiving spirit o, the kind of man that will refer to "sins" of 10yrs ago, that is not a good trait
Don't rush into the marriage, sit him down and talk to him, make him understand that you're not the one who broke his trust, make him know everyone has got a story but we all move on from the hurt and learn to trust again so the past doesn't hurt the present thereby killing a good future
Try to assure him of your love for him
After the conversation, watch him for a while, if he doesn't change, I'd advise you walk away!
Insecurity and distrust can make people do crazy things, it steals the joy in a marriage and kills (slowly or abruptly).
If he can't get over whatever ails him and you know you can't live your life walking on eggshells, pls walk away.
SHARONNA
He's not just jealous, he's making you pay for the heartbreak he suffered in the hands of another woman
ReplyDeleteHave you tried to find out why his wife(?) ran away? Not his version, but the truth?
That she took off with a pregnancy is more disturbing, and with all his stuff?
I bet she saw something stronger than her, my sister, dig deep o
Ok, she left years ago and he's still holding on to the hurt and using that to measure your character? He may have an unforgiving spirit o, the kind of man that will refer to "sins" of 10yrs ago, that is not a good trait
Don't rush into the marriage, sit him down and talk to him, make him understand that you're not the one who broke his trust, make him know everyone has got a story but we all move on from the hurt and learn to trust again so the past doesn't hurt the present thereby killing a good future
Try to assure him of your love for him
After the conversation, watch him for a while, if he doesn't change, I'd advise you walk away!
Insecurity and distrust can make people do crazy things, it steals the joy in a marriage and kills (slowly or abruptly).
If he can't get over whatever ails him and you know you can't live your life walking on eggshells, pls walk away.
SHARONNA
#The human mind can only maintain complete trust once for each person. Once broken, it's never the same*
ReplyDeleteposter that man is not just jealous ohh he is possessory, mistrustful and doubtful, so please be careful with your decision if not just walk away from him because I don't know if he can change from all these.
ReplyDeletesomething similar ve being treated here,pls tell him to give u sometime to think
ReplyDeleteHave read this story before
ReplyDeleteI think this is the reason his wife left him
ReplyDelete@Poster, I am sincerely confused on this - did you say you met him THREE MONTHS ago and your wedding is in A MONTH time?
ReplyDeleteHmmmm,the hurry with this is somehow. You met him within such a SHORT PERIOD and he's like this, please, put the wedding on hold, then take time to pray before taking ANY decision. Marriage is supposed to be a life time event, thus you have to ask God for direction.
Who's coming for The Experience?
ReplyDeletePoster I don't trust dis ur HTB he has issues which u dnt know about n I think his family knows what's going on too.i think u should go for stella's advice
ReplyDeleteI don't think you should marry such a man. The dude is one chance and marriage doesn't change people please. Women don't just run away from their relationship. DON'T MARRY him o.
ReplyDeleteEveryone is saying his jealousy is why his ex left but nobody is considering if the ex leaving is what triggered his trust issues, betrayal can make anyone do things they wont do normally, and I know typically Nigerians will say get over it or move on or dont visit the sin of one person on another, but I wish it is as simple as that. We need trained counsellors and psychologists to help people with such issues.
ReplyDeleteNobody can be this extreme overnight.
DeleteJealousy at its peak
ReplyDeleteOnce your mind tell you it's not right, believe it's not right. You know what you want but if you ask me, I will tel you to put things on hold.
ReplyDeleteThat Bros look like a bad news. Once trust is missing,jist forget about it.
Poster is ur mans name GODDY or Godson??? Bcos ur dezcription fits him. If yes u better run wit ur legs touchin ur head.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad, our country and culture has made marriage seem like the next best thing that can happen to a woman. Most times with can't differentiate Btw true love and lust, because we feel pressured to get married in this society we live in.
ReplyDeleteYou re still looking for a job? And u want to marry someone like that; from the way u described him sef, him b like person wey go dey beat u. I will say u should think it over and find something
Doing b4 u get in. He looks to me like a F*ck boy.....
What me I don't understand is how you've healed so quickly, loved yourself enough and mentally mature enough to accept a proposal within three months?? Are you sure you are ready for this?? Well, watch war room!!
ReplyDeleteAnd drink coconut oil. Better still,bathe in it.
DeleteYour fiance has delusions of jealousy-a psychopathology. Its better you wait to address this issue before marriage. You met him three months ago and your wedding is next month? Aunty why the rush?
ReplyDeleteDarling, did I just read right or did I get my wires crossed?
ReplyDelete#1: You met him 3 months ago when you were in a terrible state because you just broke up with your FIANCE?
#2: He told you his intentions of not wanting to settle down before you came into the picture because his WIFE( trad already done, bride price paid) ran off with their 4 month old pregnancy and his property a few weeks to the wedding. She later terminated pregnancy.
#3: He has chronic trust and insecurity issues which present as unjustified jealousy.
The most ridiculous is:
#: Your wedding is a month away.
Sweetie, the above listed "ingredients" sum up to a perfect recipe for disaster of hurricane proportions. Why would you rush to get married without 1st dealing with your own issues? You dated a man to the point of believing he is worthy to become your hubby but it didn't work out. You even admitted being in a terrible place, what makes you think this new fiance of yours isn't "comfort food" for you?
Why the compulsion to get married in spite of the glaring fact that he isn't good for you? Why rush to marry a man who suffered tremendous emotional and psychological trauma by his wife rejecting him in such a profoundly painful and shameful way? Do you have any idea how such actions can emasculate and damage any normal man? You really think he is over it or are you naive enough to fall for the "you've made me love again" line? Don't get me wrong, my love, I'm sure you have all it takes to mend a broken heart but a man who shut down emotionally from the betrayal of a wife, would not be so eager to get remarried to a lady he met 3 months ago. Men like that have commitment issues because of the fear of reliving past trauma.
Perhaps the jealousy and irrational behaviour is the aftermath of what his wife did. I doubt he will ever trust you no matter how much you try to put his mind at rest. It would only get worse after marriage because he will inadvertently project some of the resentment he has for his runaway bride on you. Were you really expecting his parents to discourage you? Probably they've been waiting for him to move on and you are that opportunity. Most men with such behavioural patterns end up becoming physically abusive. Please don't sell yourself short. You deserve much better. I think both of you should resolve the haunting issues from your past before you complicate things for each other or other people.
#e-bearhugs.
Fine I know goin to a guy's house quickly can lead to something else,why not ask someone to confirm his address and find out from his neighbourhood info bout him,because naija married men can lie.
ReplyDelete