STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN A CHILD'S NAME CAUSES BROUHAHA
Good day Stellar and bv's,
Please i need your advice urgently.
I have been married for six years and blessed with 3 lovely kids. (A boy and 2 girls). I have never named any of our kids because my husband insists that the names come from his mum. I have never objected to it even though deep down I didn't like the names given.
Before marriage I always fantasised about the names I will give our kids but I was denied this opportunity.
Fast forward to when I put to bed my last child, a baby girl sometime last year. I put to bed on my sister's birthday too.
Good day Stellar and bv's,
Please i need your advice urgently.
I have been married for six years and blessed with 3 lovely kids. (A boy and 2 girls). I have never named any of our kids because my husband insists that the names come from his mum. I have never objected to it even though deep down I didn't like the names given.
Before marriage I always fantasised about the names I will give our kids but I was denied this opportunity.
Fast forward to when I put to bed my last child, a baby girl sometime last year. I put to bed on my sister's birthday too.
As usual my hubby said the mum named the child in our native language meaning blessing in English. The older kids bear native names too so my problem with the name is not because it's a native name or in English but simply because it sounds so basic, outdated and not unique.
I politely requested that my husband asks his mother to change the name to something a bit more recent but he refused because he doesn't want to offend the mother. So I had no option but to go along with the name even though I detest that name.
Along the line friends and acquaintances always had an opinion about the name making comments like " why such name, in this day and age.....
During Xmas 2015 we went for hubby 's friend party and all his friends made fun of the name. He eventually told me and the kids to Start calling her the English saint used for baptism because we are Catholic. I was happy and I thanked him so much at least what I couldn't do his friends got him to do it.
Eventually the mother found out and since then I have not known Peace. I called her this morning to know how she is doing and she started laying accusations on my head. She says it's not African and am trying to place a curse on my head.
I tried to explain to her that it was my husband's wish that we call her the English even though I am very happy about it.
Kindly advice me because am really not happy the way things are going. Don't I have a say in the choice of names given to our kids. I have 3 kids but I never ever got the opportunity of naming any of them.
Please i need your red pen.
May God bless you my darling Stella. You have touched so many lives with your work.
Thanks.
Kindly advice me because am really not happy the way things are going. Don't I have a say in the choice of names given to our kids. I have 3 kids but I never ever got the opportunity of naming any of them.
Please i need your red pen.
May God bless you my darling Stella. You have touched so many lives with your work.
Thanks.
*MIL from hell...Tufiakwa!....Abeg ignore her tantrums...she has named her kids why want to name another womans kids to the point of quarell?
Please keep telling her ''Mama no vexs'' and discuss this with your hubby who even looks like he is scared of his mothers reaction...na wah.
Brb
ReplyDeleteWicked woman,did her own mother inlaw name her own children?
DeleteAnyway,forget her and concentrate on your family,channel the positive vibe there,when she tire,she go move on.
I don't know why some parents can't leave their children alone to live their life the way they want it.
DeleteSome parents are pain in the butt.
Madam sorry to say this, your husband is a very weak man and has no word of his own. How can a grown up ass like him be receiving order from his mum like that.
The more he takes her advice in fear the more her mother sees him as a kid. Your husband should stand up as a man and stand on his words. Is not going to be easy but with time his mama will respect him as a man.
Don't come back...stay where you are.#hiss
DeleteWat kind of life do ppl live in Nigeria? Wat sort of bondage is this??
DeleteMy hubby and I did not even really discuss names but we already know any name sent by anybody including both parents will be flung out the window the day after the naming.
Infact the name I chose, I only told hubby just before going to the labour room and he said it was a really lovely name.
When his Dad called about names...he laughed about it and told him to send the names he wants. But hubby told his sister 'dad already named his children, it's time for me to name mine' ...same message I sent to my parents but I also welcomed whatever names they sent.
We prayed on all the names and called them during prayers ...but the only two names on her birth certificate are the ones I named her, hubby did not even object to both her native and English names chosen by me.
Na me suffer all the suffer so I can express myself better with the names!
Poster Pls try and settle it but u already goofed a long time ago. Give ppl a mile and they will take ten!
Funkify the names, i.e: keke, Zee, Lulu. That shouldn't be much of an issue darling.
DeleteChike.....You read my mind. Some people are NOT fit to marry not to talk of fathering a child. It's all your husband's fault because he keeps running back to mum for every little thing. It's you the parents that should name your children but nothing stops other relatives from giving names to share in the joy BUT the parents determine and choose their children's names not the grand parents. Your husband should leave her mum's apron Abeg.
DeleteWhere do you peop,e get all these kind of men to marry?
DeleteA man who is afraid of his mother
A man who is afraid of his friends ridicule..changing his mind cow his friends laughed at him?
Madam, you have a more serious issue that the child's name abeg...and that issue is that your hubby is yet to be matured enough to have his own mind!!!!
I don't know how you are going to sort this but I suggest you begin to think about it.
My husband and I are born and bred in Naija and yet have managed to have a marriage free of external influences in all spheres, still in his Naija.
Emotional maturity is a real thing...read up about it and how you can help him develop it
#noshade #straightuplove
Your own still good madam. My inlaws that are quarreling with me for not cooking for them when they came visiting, just few days after having my baby. There was food offered to them but they wanted me to come n cook. Make I die because I marry them pickin.
DeleteMtchewwww!
DeleteNobody will name my kids for me.
No bloody person. Just me and my husband. If u name, i'll change it on the birth certificate.
Rubbish!!!
Madam there is no issue here abeg.
ReplyDeletePeople has real issues. Call them anything nah, leave the name the grandma gave them, sort your issue with your husband and leave BVS ou of this.
So if she call them mgbeke they should answer?
DeleteThat Her MIL, is it her own MIL that named her kids for her?
People "has" what school did you attend?
DeleteWhat a post! Your own children are given both english and native names by their grandma?
DeleteAnyway, you allowed it.
This post get as e be. Can't say how i really feel. Its just annoying.
You would have at least insisted on giving them their English names. Haba!
Madam u dint have anything serious to do about, better dont start the war you won't be able to finish, it's obvious your husband respect her mum a lot, and that could be her mama wish as a good son he granted it, wait till ur son marry you can do the same, if you train him to respect your opinion & wishes....don't get into cold war with your mother in-law or else......
DeleteMadam when your getting there birth certificates,put the name you so desire as firstname before any other name. Anybody can bring the name they so desire but you have the final say. My baby has 6names courtsey of my mum,mil,dad and all.but I decide on which name to call my baby. When my mum visits she call her the one she gave her same as my mil. Its no biggie.
DeleteStephan, God bless you jare
DeleteHow can you carry a child in your womb for 9 months,go through the pains of childbirth and someone is forcing a name down your throat? I understand it's your hubbys mom.she has a right to name the child whatever she wants and call the child that but it shouldn't be forced down your throat.You are the mother.You have a right to call your child what you choose.your husband is weak biko
ReplyDeleteVery weak man.
DeleteOh yes man.
Do not argue. Accept the names. Then call your kids the name YOU gave them. They'll get used to that and wonder who has the names mama gave them. Na by force?
DeleteWhen my MIL brought her list of names I didn't say a word I just told hubby I already my own list he said no problem if the mother likes let her bring 100names my list comes 1st..so after naming my son was bearing the name I gave to him infact. Hubby chose the na so SIL inlaw 1st start say the name no com from bible MIL too all I did was pretend as if I don't understand yoruba because that was the impression I gave them from the onset and til date my precious son bears the name I gave to him Shebi na me use ma Belle carry am n use ma jajaina born am...Abi hubby family follow for the fuckery? Madam abeg enjoy the name u deycallur pikin jare
DeleteShe doesn't even have the right to name the kids sef.
DeleteWhat nonsense!
And the issue here is what exactly?
ReplyDeleteWell, it appears MAMA always wants the final say. The issue is that MAMA is angry with her for calling the child by her English name.
DeleteOld woman needs to take a seat and let the young daughter-in-law be; as she was once like that too.
LOL I can't even marry a man who takes orders from his mum. She has lived her life, so why won't she allow you two live yours the way you choose.
ReplyDeleteBetter ignore and you already goofed by letting her name the children at all. Did you labour with you or what is this nonsense?
The kids will bear their fathers surname and you still can't choose their first name. It's rubbish and you have sold your right as their mother.
Better ignore her and stop begging. Call your child whatever name you please, does she feed or take care or them?
She has taken care of her own son, she should let you take care or your kids with her son just how you want to.
Fight for your right and stop behaving like a baby.
Mschew
*Did she labour with you?
Delete*Take care of them?
*she should let you take care of your kids.
Somebody epp me o! Na me go born pikin,an another person go name am? Unto? Who named her own kids for her? All of una dey craze. Uou shouldn't have accepted it in the first place.
DeleteDoppelganger, You need to open a counselling unit oooo...During chronicle I always look forward to ur comment...you never disappointed me.... You have a good sense of reasoning.
DeleteMIL and their problems, please ignore her, she will get tired. naming ur child is Suppose to be the duty of you and ur hubby. Just ignore her.
ReplyDeleteHian...
ReplyDeleteWhich kain talk is this?...
You carried your child for 9 good months coupled with the stress you went through in bringing her to this world and someone somewhere will come and give your child a name all in the name of a mother in law?...
Is your mom in law God?...
Who is she?...
Poster,what kind of a person are you sef?...
I'm sure you worship this your mom in law too...
Tufiakwa!..
Stand your ground on this issue and ignore your her...
Infact,stop calling her on the phone...
Nonsense!...
Poster no want trouble but Me ahhhh my own full my body before. .I already picked English names for my kids and my hubby picked d native names before wedding sef cos I no want wahala after nine months journey. I even had plans for him if he had refused my pattern. Lo and behold he even calls d kids the names I picked and not the native names he gave. There is nothing sweeter than having a beautiful name joor.
DeleteNative names are not beautiful?...smh.
DeleteLemme read comments
ReplyDeleteName wahala, hahaha mama nnuku no complain about her own naa!
ReplyDeleteMama nnuks I hail o lol
Your husband is a baby boy. That's all I have to say.
ReplyDeleteReal baby boy o .
DeleteAs in , Honda baby boy sef 😕
But some mil inlaws can nag and curse ones child to death.What does you name ur child ur preffered name have to do with heaping curse on ur head?
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe she's a typical African mum my dear, if u feel like it call ur child what u choose to so quarrels won't start, will she ask u to stop calling the child that name? The person u have the prob with is u husband y can't he name his child himself? Did his grandparents give him his name? Did they not leave his mum n dad to make their choice?Those are questions u need to ask and till u get answers don't let it offend u.
Hian! Everything must bw chronicle sha
ReplyDeleteEeerm madam keep calling her the English name since that's what you like. When mama vex finish she calm down
But why are we Nigerians ashamed of our names and culture? Why are we trying so hard to fit in and be like whites? Why cant we be proud of our culture, names and skin colour? This ls why they'll never see us as their equal cos we waste so much time and energy trying to be like them!!
It's pathetic really.
So she should follow her MIL to call her children names like mgbeke, paulina, unoaku, Agnes, etc.. All because of African culture,
DeleteI agree with you. It's pathetic. Nobody in my family has an English name. Neither me nor my husband or Kids. We live outside Nigeria and I'm always proud to tell people here the meaning of our names and I do not allow them spoil the names so they learn to pronounce it properly. It actually makes us unique. We are not English, we are Nigerian. That'd why I love Indians. Even when they have lived in the US or UK for up to 4 generations, they still bear Indian names. I never met an Indian with an English name. We need to stop this inferiority. And please, I dont have anything against those with English names but let's stop giving our kids meaningless English names.
DeleteWhatever you say "Becky".
DeleteDon't you know we are the lowest race so what do you expect?only few blacks have sense the rest have being damaged by inferiority complex
Delete@Chike those names might sound disgusting to you now but remember our mothers and fathers proudly answered those names back IN the day. Why is our generation ashamed of those names now if not that we are trying to belong?
DeleteTo each his own sha
Na wah for some MIL oh!!!
ReplyDeletePoster,stand your ground oh!
All my 4 kids, I gave them their Igbo names while my hubby gave the English ones
Why will my MIL give my children names? Why? Did she birth them
I blame your hubby,because he's a weakling!
He can as well marry his mum
I have 3 boys,so when they get married and birth their kids,I'll go and be naming their kids,for what kwanu?
I'm so angry 😠 now
Her husband weak kpata kpata. No atom of strength is left in him. He is a good case of oh yes man.
DeleteHe should name the child Upanka if his mother say so.
Not Cool...you should have a say in naming of your kids.(I already have names for my unborn kids and it doesnt matter what the father wants to call them.)
ReplyDeleteI have seen people with up to four names...Your MIL is overeacting.
If the babygirls name is Ivie, i'm happy u changed it..... Lol
ReplyDelete*Runs away*
If the baby name happens to be Edward she should change it asap because if the baby head happens to be big with that name his/her classmates will change it to "Head Word" or "Hammer Head of Honor"
DeleteHahahahahahahahahahaha
DeleteCome back here
Hahahahahahahaahaha
DeletePlease what do people discuss in these times they call "courtship", "dating" or do they just have sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!
ReplyDeleteLet her name the children whatever name she feels like, and you call your children the name you Want and choose for them,my grandmother gave me a name and my dad continued with the name,my mom gave me a name and every one knows me with the name she gave me,I grew up sticking with the name I preferred,my father in law gave my son one wicked name that means(the man owns the house)I didn't argue with them and I never called my son the name and it's not on any of his certificates,one needs high level of wisdom to deal with in-laws,you need to subtly stand your ground.
DeleteThank you o jare Glamour. Let them name on. Call them the names you gave them and that's what will be on their birth certificate, not some names somebody else gave
DeleteHahahaha not small mother in law. Some names should be questioned because it brings bad luck. The MIL is not supposed to impose her own names on the children. Your horseband is mummy's pet.
ReplyDeleteYou did not tell us what the names are so that we can know if it is good or bad.
I am still saying it, if you are bearing AKOBUNDU better change that name because it is badluck and nothing good ever comes to that person.
Lol.... What re their names self
ReplyDeleteHian! Let her vex nau. She named them Her own, you chose the other names. Tell her 'mama, on the certificate all the names will appear. So please feel free to call them the one you want me sef I will call the one I want'. Children don't have one name in Nigeria. Or do we? It's usually two or more. The name my grandma calls me is different from the name My parents call me. Everyone calls names as e dey sweet them. Keep insisting on sorry and no vex as Stella said. She must cool down one day. Some kind mother in laws sef. Na wa!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThat said, my sisters domineering MIL named my sis children oh. So their surname is delta (where their grandfather is from) but their first names are Rivers (where their grandma is from). Ppl always ask esp in school, but we tell them its not their biz. Please, Always defend your children in public please. Edp with npay Nigerians. Dont let anyone make them feel their names are this or that. If they laugh at the name, you shush them up straight.
But at least my sis MIL (may her soul RIP) always sent a list of names and my sister still picked very fine rivers names for her kids and confirmed to her husband. Case closed!
Inu kwa. people should defend their children in public....when you gave them names that will get them bullied you will now come and defend them. Your sister is an onuku, her mother in law is now dead but the children will have to keep explaining and feeling awkward about their name just so you will satisfy another human being. Put your children first before anybody, don't please others to displease your children.tThe bible said a man will leave his family to become one with his wife, so tell me why the mother in law will want to put asunder in what God has joined together. This lady complaing now in her heart resents the husband and in the future when they have a major problem in their marriage you can trace it back to the mother in law naming her children.
Delete*esp with nosy nigerians
DeleteEhn ehn.... you this hopeless sudden anon, State your point without insulting my family biko! And next time comment with your handle so I can insult your onuku family too.
DeleteMy point was, in cases where the naming is causing trouble it can still be handled with wisdom. But you obviously ignored my previous advice to the poster. Na ppl like you MIL dey use clean nyash you come here under Anon to say trash 😂😂 Ramshit!
I am sorry, I apologise for insulting your sis. May God bless her and her family....I am so angry that Nigerian women don't see themselves as individuals when they are married but the men do. Don't get me wrong two become one but you need to be happy before you can be happy in your marriage. Sure you need to compromise but it is a two way street thing not just for the women to do. Sorry to burst your bubble I am no push over, I named our kids, I was that child dat grew up disgusted by what people call marriage in nigeria because my mummy was always breaking fights for couples n she wasn't a pastor or shrink. I know my worth and don't take it for granted. Honey I laboured for my kids so I get to name them unless my husband begs and I like the name. Women don't be a push over....respect your husbands and he should respect you too.
DeleteHian, is ur mother in-law a witch, what is her business with the name u call ur own child, u sound like a soft person, no yeye woman will try this nonsense with me, kindly advice her to ve more children so dat she can name them wat ever she likes, maybe is d name to told her to call ur children in their coven.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you were supposed to discuss all these topics during courtship but you chose to have a positions of sex; this is the result; live with it or blow up your house!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis is a breath of fresh air from the usual MR A and Mr B story.
ReplyDeletePoster, ignore her. You've changed he name and nothing can be done about it.
I'll even advise you to change the rest of the names that you don't like.
I don't like naming children names such as Blessing, Favour, Grace, Glory, Hope etc.
I don't just like it.
I believe in God's blessings, favour and all that but not using it as my children names.
Mbanu! Odiro sexy.
Breath of fresh air indeed
DeleteSome MIL's always wants to control their son's family, poster please keep being good to her
ReplyDeleteLet's help intending couples with this so that they don't fall into the mistake of converting courtships into "sex-ships". Have an engaging moment with your spouse before your bride price is paid so that you do not fall into this kind of error:
ReplyDeleteDiscussion topics for courtship
I married my husband after 4 years of courtship without sex; we just did not go there. There were a lot to discuss;
1. Our careers; levels and who goes first for this and that degrees
2. Our finances; joint account with either to sign/taking care of our respective parents/ which relatives to admit and take up responsibility and which not to etc.
3. Our kids/ number (gender matters interference or not), discipline (he knew how to do it; my weakest point), schooling/fees etc.
4. Scriptures/prayers/fasting (fixed and did it together): Church denominational issues trashed; we should attend any but together etc.
5. Wedding; non denominational (had to bring the two families together), low key (invest the money instead of lavishing it in a day on frivolities)/ attires (no need buying an exorbitant wedding dress from UK and having it as a liability afterwards), we still reap the dividends from the savings from our wedding.
Really, we discussed a lot and we keep on discussing. We rarely had enough time each time we went out on a date. We do not remember sex and we really did not want to do it and appear hypocritical to ourselves and all. More than ten years of marital journey and with kids; I've got peace, lots of love and trust. If you tell me that you tell me that my husband was with a lady, I will laugh you to scorn. Is it not the same man who for 4 years was with me in the most secure and secluded of places and never attempted to undress me? The trust is mutual and we enjoy a very beautiful sex life. Marriage is beautiful if you plan it with God and stay resolved.
Well said
DeleteThanks 🙏🙏🙏
Why do I feel I have tea this same epistle somewhere else. Yimu @hubby not being with a lady. You wish!
Delete😍😍😍
DeleteAnon 15:15
DeletePls I don't mind rubbing minds with you, for more counsel. I love your story and this is what I want for my life. How did you achieve a celibate courtship for 4 years?
Poster you are the one that took the nonsense from the beginning. You shouldn't allow anyone come and call the shots in your own house. You have rights as the mother of the children and should be able to name them. Your MIL should be put in her place. Respect her but let her know you are the woman of the house and not her.
ReplyDeleteYour husband too has a lot to do in it. He should detach himself from the umbilical cord already and stop behaving like a mummy's boy. Let them explain to you the reasons in detail why she has to name your children. Women need to be bold and have a voice. If not, one person will come and be tormenting you unnecessarily. Use your discretion also
Sum moda-in-law is a piece of the devul's pants... Pliss trade diss with caushion so the pant's owner dossn't come after you.
ReplyDeleteYour horsebaIt aff to Stan by you and be bold as a man for you 2 to archief diss cus there is a provab wish says "It is a bold mouse dat makes her nest in the cat's ear.
Poster sure your husband is Yo8uba?
ReplyDeleteYoruba men name their kids themselves. Mother in law only adds her own. Everything yoruba. Meanwhile, I have an esan friend who said their fathers name their kids for them. Go figure!
DeleteHorseband"
ReplyDeleteSo your Husband can't make and take decisions without involving his mama?
ReplyDeleteNne the Lord is your strength .. inugo ?
Manage the native names like that to avoid wahala .
i have a friend , tho she is of age , the name her parents gave her she didn't like it . so she changed the name , if people go to her house to ask after her , are people will be like no one bear such name in this house .. lol.. but that fake name is what the whole neighborhood know her as.. i tease her most times and say , u fake sotey ur name sef fake . lol
Your mother inlaw should go and yansh down jor.
ReplyDeleteNor be your yansh you take born dem abi na she help you labour?
She should remain angry don't let it get to you.
You have all the right to name your kids.
Selfish mother inlaw.
Instead of her to behave herself so she can die peacefully when the tike comes.
Pls bone her nd pretend ur witch of a mother inlaw isn't angry
DeleteIdeato how can u wish spinal cord injury on ivie.u re not even sure if the husband is saying the truth.u need common sense in ur life.pray u dont marry and abusive husband..all u know is how to sit ur fat ass and troll ur life away
ReplyDeleteWhat kinda stupid chronicle is this? You give birth to a child and someone names the child for you. What advice do you expect from bv's? Clearly you are a weak woman who has no say in what happens in her life. The level of rubbish this Nigerian women take all in the name of marriage and submissiveness is appaling. Wonders shall never end indeed
ReplyDeleteYou took in,bore all the pregnancy stress, endured all the labour pains yet you couldn't name the child. What a shame.Your husband is still a boy. You are not his wife but his production manager. By the way, if your MIL brings one name,you bring another name. Everybody has at least two names.
ReplyDeleteThis is something that should be discussed before marriage...single ladies please take note.
ReplyDeleteWhy are Yoruba men so tied and glued to their mother's apron strings?
ReplyDeleteMost of my friends that got engaged to Yoruba men ended up either having their mother's scatter the engagement or the marriage for trivial reasons.
Wish poster's husband will be man enough. Could there be medium interplay in these women who control their sons like puppets?
Lol, you caused it when you let her name your first child.. while I was pregnant, my mother-in-law once came visiting and she came to tell me in their family it's the MILs who name kids.. I just said okay ma, Iatter that night after cooking okra and pounded yam for hubby i told him point blank that hope he knows we(hubby and I) are gonna be naming our baby together, he said yes and we choose a name that night. My MIL doesn't call my son by his name, but guess what? That's her cup of tea..
ReplyDeleteWhy would you allow someone to name your kids??
ReplyDeleteExcept if its your tradition.
I bear 3 names.
You can add your own, mother in law and husband name naa
At school, then use your own and surname
Inukwa??
This one no be case naa
No curse will follow you, don't be scared! You and your husband has every right to name your children whatever names you deemed fit. But due to culture, you allowed your mother in-law named your kids. (which isn't a problem, it happens everywhere, not only in Nigeria).
ReplyDeletePlease, continue to call your daughter her baptismal name, and make sure you incorporate it into her I.D both in school or wherever is necessary.
You're the child's mother, and whatever name you called your daughter, she will definitely get used to.
When I was pregnant, I gently told my husband (note: he's European white) that I will not named my baby after his parents (as is culturally/traditionally done here), I told him I already have an idea of a peculiar name for our child, thank God he didn't refused. He only asked for the two names, checked for the meaning and the name day. It was only my sis. In-law that raised a little eyebrows, but my husband was able to explain things to her.
Continue to show care toward your mother inlaw, and forget about heaping curses on your head (God forbids it, you're a child of God and no curse can come near you).
Fear not.
One thing I keep saying we can't please everybody. Better stop what you can't continue ooo. Show your true colour and stand by it. Use wisdom ooo. Your husband should use you or his mother. Why will she have control over your marriage hian. I won't take it Okk. Avoid her like snake. Don't cross your limits. Curse who she be? She be God? Even baba for heaven never curse us. Because she be mother Inlaw. Its husband you should face and have heart to heart talk ooooooo.its not akk the time you see so called mama shey? No call her make peace reign abi she be witch?
ReplyDeletemy mum has no right to name my kid.
ReplyDeleteYou are stupid,friends can even name kids
Deletemy mum has no right to name my kid,but she can have her own name for he or she.
ReplyDeleteThat's how my sister's inlaws wanted to name her son "Boniface" claiming it's a name of a saint. Like seriously, in this age and time? Thank God my sister refused. I for begin call her mama boni
ReplyDeletesome MIL and SIL are descendant of jezebell*or however the name is being spelt*. hian!!. jux like how my SIL named my son and said if we disagree she wont come to our house again. HOLYGHOST FIRE
ReplyDeleteMe too I av a serpent as sister in law,pls her wicked mama,my prayer is that they will reap what they sow
DeleteDear poster, why are you behaving like a door mat in your own marriage? Since you had fantasized so much about naming your kids, why didn't you discuss this with hubby before marriage? Some of the things engaged couples are expected to discuss, they don't discuss, they would be busy playing love. Then after marriage, reality sets it and then they begin to have problems.
ReplyDeleteWhy should your MIL give your kids names? Did she follow you to the labour room to push them out? Even if she wanted to, she could suggest then it would be left for you and hubby to decide.
And this one that hubby is scared of offending his mum, I don't understand why you would marry such a man cos his mum would keep interfering in your affairs. And she knows that you no get mouth where she is.
I wish you well o
Hehehe
ReplyDeleteUr hubby can over respect him mama.
Also please is dt really d custom of d community whr u guys come from? If yes, it means ur MIL's MIL named ur hubby and his siblings. OK! On dt ground make una bone. When d lil'girl is of age, nobody will tell una, she will change her name.
I fantasized sweet trending names before marriage. At d birth of my first kid, hubby named him. Dts d custom as d father gives d name, however its not absolute as some men let their wives name d kids. All depends on d personality of d man. He declined my name. Later said OK to call d kid but not included in d birth cert. I said OK dt name u wanna give him, let's shorten it (it becomes a respect American celeb name) and include it in d cert. Come see vex oo. Come see reports... I let it be.
Then my 2nd kid, I begged God to help me by giving hubby d name. The night before delivery day, I dreamt of 2names and gave consent to 1. While I dressed up for d hospital, hubby approached me asking how I like d name? Wow! Wat a coincidence, it is d same name I gave consent to in my dream. Thank God no ish.
The 3rd kid's name is biblical of which hubby gave consent to in d first pregnancy I miscarried. Of which d name was discovered while studying d Bible.
Just dt u don born finish if not...u for plan wit my own formula.
Don't give ur MiL any reason to say ehh ehhn she said it dt u r controlling ur man.
Ur hubby get small shame...and will definitely convince ur MiL. E no concern u again o. U ve xplend, please rest ur case.
Alps pray against dt 'curse' she mentioned cos d hearts of men...WICKED.
my mum has no right
ReplyDeleteAfrican women worship men so much,if it was God that commanded you to name your kids,am sure you wouldn't have obeyed but see the way you are so scared to name children you gave birth to just because you no want loose your marriage
ReplyDeleteLose
Deletemy mum has no right
ReplyDeletemy mum has no right
ReplyDeleteIt haff do na. Ah ah. 😀😀
DeleteLet her be calling the baby whatever name she gave her na! While you call her your own choice of name for your baby! That's how it is done in my Village. The grandparents calls their grandchildren the name they gave to them. Old old names they like giving... But that's the joy of having grandchildren.
ReplyDeleteNa so oh, my paternal grandmother has name for each of us which is not included in the cert . It's was those names she called us till she died.she never used the names chosen by our mum and Dad. My grandmother wanted to name my daughter obiageli in this modern time but I bluntly refused and she changed it to chidinma even though that was not in the cert too and she no care but uses the name anyways. My hubby wanted to call her after his late mother and in as much as I wanted to honour the late mum but I no just like the name. It's so outdated.i nukwa agwaoma to a daughter born born by Anambra chick.maybe a fellow abia would have accepted but I quietly objected cos I know he really wanted to honour his mother and not because of the name.he didn't actually like the name I chose either. A day before I gave birth, he came up with a very beutiful name which I accepted immediately.he was happy he was the one that got to name his first daughter.mine became her second name which no one calls anyways.
DeleteI seriously hate guys that act like babies."he doesn't want to offend his mum"... inukwa akuko. I seriously don't want to insult your husband but he's acting childish. I advice you start doing midnight prayers sef cos this your MIL might be a household enemy, this one she likes being in control.Just ignore her,don't insult her. If she starts talking trash just keep quiet and let her settle it with your husband. MILs can be so controlling and annoying. mschew.
ReplyDeleteI like them oyibos, see how blac chyna named her baby 'Dream. Surely she dreamt of being part of the kardashian family. I don't see why your mil won't let you name your own kids, someone's name actually speaks for them, if you think the name is too old try and modernize it, e.g Chimamanda- Amanda for peace to reign.
ReplyDeleteDear Poster please tell her off, what nonsense, am sure she saw u as a walkover, a grandmum has d right to name her kids and she can be d only one calling her dt name, please give ur kids the name u like and call them by that name, did she carry the Belle with you. Rubbish
ReplyDeleteLol some MILs sha..... Jst ignore her, keep on calling ur kids whatever name u want to call them,u re d one dat gave birth to them not her ,Jst do what Mrs Stella says.
ReplyDeleteNawa oooo... Abeg, I can't deal wit such mil ooooo. Free the woman, she will calm down soon..
ReplyDeleteName kwa?? What's her business with what u call ur kids? She should call dem d names she likes,while u call dem ur own.. Like my mother inlaw calls my son her own name given.her,while we call him our own,which..everybody calls him too... So make she park well joor..
ReplyDeleteFab mee says
Name kwa?? What's her business with what u call ur kids? She should call dem d names she likes,while u call dem ur own.. Like my mother inlaw calls my son her own name given.her,while we call him our own,which..everybody calls him too... So make she park well joor..
ReplyDeleteFab mee says
Dear poster I am almost certain you are yoruba. Na we get that stupid culture of mil naming kids. It almost happened to me. So tey my mil yabbed any other name my son was given. The name he is called now is what my husband decided after arguments from his mum. I dey watch na shebi she has girls too.
ReplyDeleteLol stella' s comment got me rolling , you 've said it all. You named your children e no do you, you still want extend am reach another woman house because your son marry her na to sitdown look be this case.Na this type of Mil dey paint the sweet ones black.
ReplyDeleteMmmh, smh for some horsebands,so after naming her own children, she's now naming another woman's children, doesn't she know that most times most women receive the names of their children during the pregnancy? Would she have allowed her mil to name her own children for her? God forbid!!!! Tufiakwa!!! I will change all the names after she dies since my husband is spineless. Imagine such rubbish. Still short of words
ReplyDeleteMadam ignore her
ReplyDeleteYou didnt do anything wrong but just keep begging her for peace to reign. She named her kids,why won't give another woman that honour? Only the name my husband and I pick will end up on my kids birth certificate. Family members can name them but they shldnt even expect it be official especially if it's all these funny names Nigerians give their kids ie Peculiar and Glamour.smh Your husband shld be ashamed that he cant stand up to his mother.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm. Just had my girl and first baby. Hubby gave her first name nd I have her middle......simply! Still call her fil name tho but officially it's mine and hubbys. Tell hubby to sort him mama. Don't be involved looking. Hubby should play nd carry the blame sef to save you from brewing brouhaha.
ReplyDeleteNne just ignore if she disturb too much just tell her to confront her son that he was the one that gave the order
ReplyDeleteStella, your comment is kinda funny. Honestly, I see no reason why any man or woman will let a third party dictate the flow of event(s) in their union...irrespective of who the person is. I so love my folks...max they'll do is offer advice (when you approach them)...NOT IMPOSE their will.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, my babe gave a fascinating ideas about names for our kids and I couldn't stop admiring her wit.
Kindly ignore the woman...avoid confrontation...let her sort out whatever "ish" with her robotic son *pardon me*.
Firstly don't you know the meaning of the names? Since the meaning isn't a curse.
ReplyDeleteWho made the birth certificate?
Is it not you guys?
Look, she can call her what she wants, you call her what you want, what's the big deal?
What's the friend's business, Shebi they have their kids, they should name them whatever they want.
My younger brother even told me that see the type of name we gave our son, I said thank you, I carried him for the 9months.
Forget what ppl say jare.
Call your kids whatever you want.
My husband and I call him what we named him, that's what is in his birth certificate
My mother inlaw calls him what she named him
My dad calls him what he named him
My mum calls him a different name also.
It's nothing dear.
I feel like slapping those annoying friends.....
Your husband doesn't have a mind of his own
Stella, your comment is kinda funny. Honestly, I see no reason why any man/woman will let a third party dictate the flow of event(s) in their union...irrespective of who the person is. I so love my folks...max they'll do is offer advice (when you approach them)...NOT IMPOSE their will.
ReplyDeleteIn fact, my babe gave a fascinating idea about names for our kids and I couldn't stop admiring her wit.
Kindly ignore the woman...avoid confrontation...let her sort out whatever "ish" with her robotic son *pardon me*.
It is U dat i blame. Y wud u listen to ur mil in d first place. Thunder fire any mil dat tinks she can run my home.
ReplyDeleteMIL from hell, hehehehehe.
ReplyDeleteNmadu atala ahuhu nnoo...that's after giving birth, you don't get to name your own child? Smh...what kind of MIL and husband be that.
Taaaaa, if I hear say MIL name my child em official name.
You can name him or her anything, but no be say that will be the official name oo, unless say 'we' like the name.
Madam, no exchange words with her you hear?
Abeg, just passing by. My mum is also a MIL, she gives out a name when her children bear children, but she never calls them by the name she gives them, she calls them by the name their parents give them. Does she even remember the names she gives them sef, lol? Unnecessary drama
ReplyDeleteEnter your comment...dear poster,you have no reason to worry.My children answer all their names...my mum calls each child the name she gave him/her so does my siblings and friends
ReplyDeletebut their official names are those chosen by hubby and I.stand by d new name your hubby suggested and tell ur MIL to call her"blessing"too.there's room for many names.....see where names dey cause kasala ooo,who says your daughter won't change her name to pinkberry or Angel when she enters university.
....as long as YOU & YOUR husband are in AGREEMENT.....IGNORE her! If you can coin out a nick name out of the native name, do that.
ReplyDeleteGrandparents do name their grandchildren but it is the name the PARENTS OF the child decides to call him, that is what everybody will adhered to!
You carried Belle for 9 months, see shege for labour room, then someone is claiming ownership? WHOSAI!
Some culture needs to be discarded asap! No curse will follow you! Reject and return it!
Looks like ur hubby likes going by other people's opinion,i do not think he has a mind of his own,so if ur friend didnt tell him he would still not have changed the name?
ReplyDeleteAbeg mk ur MIL sef go rest
What's this? How can your MIL be naming your kids? That's you and your hubby's duty.
ReplyDeleteEven if she should,i think it should just be a secondary name. She's interfering and it's not cool.
Your hubby sef is now doing mummy's boy. It is a wah.
This is 2016 not 1990. Pls step up.
Mil frm hell indeed! Stella has already said it all.
ReplyDeleteMust a child have only one name? U have the right to give your kids your own pet name. I can't count how many names i have because every body had a name for me, starting from my great grand Ma, to my dad, mum and Aunty. Ignore her tantrums please.
ReplyDeleteIndeed A child can't have one name. Esp in Nigeria. Everyone name the child and call the one you like. I say she should tell the MIL that the names are in the certificate. Shikena.
Deletena waoh....i hate men who can not be men of their own....at his age his mother is still controlling him.....my dear keep pleading with her just as stella adviced but keep calling ur child the english name jor.....biko she should go and rest! dnt bother about the quarrel it will end soon......and dnt quarrel with her o!
ReplyDeleteSome things women do all in the name of virtuous & submissive wives ehn,you carry pregnancy for nine months & someone else names ur child?As a grandparent,you definitely will give a name but it shouldn't be a must to call that child the name.Poster,keep apologizing since you have laid your bed.
ReplyDeleteDon't mind them,they will fornicate to please men and still continue slavery after marriage,women better learn to Love God above all things and their lives will be better.
DeleteNa prison u dey o babe in the name of marriage. Women and desperation to answer Mrs.msheeeew
ReplyDeleteSome mothers in law are just too difficult and its the men that give them that chance, a man is supposed to be the head of his own family and not his mother. Some women notice this trait during courtship but they go ahead and marry the guy thinking they can change him after marriage. My mother inlaw likes girls so much because he couldn't have a girl until after 6boys. So she gave my daughter a name when she was born, infact the whole family contributed a name for the girl and the old woman said we should be calling her the one she gave her, my husband objected, he firmly told her 'we' (him and his wife) had already prepared a name for her and that is what we will be calling her. She said she will call her the name she gave her whenever she visits or when the kids come for holiday at her place, my husband objected, he told her that his girl should never be called any other name asides the one he named her. That was it, till today, everyone calls her what we named her. I even added my own tribe's native name as a middle name to her names in school.
ReplyDeleteA man should be man enough to control what happens in his home, he can only seek advice from his mum if the issue at hand is beyond what he and his wife can handle.
Poster, you can't change your husband, no, not now. Just keep playing along since you've been doing so from the start. Plead with the woman and explain what happened that warranted the name change from your husband. Emphasize that it was solely his decision and that you even pleaded with him to stick to the former name but he refused. This way, peace will reign. Do it pls. Some MILs take little things like that serious and may never forgive you, she may start spoiling your name and report you to everyone in the family.
Your hubby is too harsh tufiakwa,he should allow the woman call the child what she likes as long as she doesn't impose the name on you guys.your hubby is mean,you better don't ever offend him.
Delete😂😂😂 www.stellasblog.com/unsatisfiedbvsandbvns
DeletePerson say her husband no insist, you say he's weak. Person say her husband insist, you say he's wicked! Tufia....
Hahaha you married a mummy's boy. MIL from hell did her own mother in law named her children nonsense
ReplyDeleteYour MIL no de serious.park am one side make she stay dre like old beetle car wer owner no de send.person carry belle come born u de find village title name to give everytime.na so your inlaw name your own children(MIL)?? even if, mek e stop. longhissssss.
ReplyDeleteHaba your MIL is wicked plus ur hubby na Mama's Boy.
ReplyDeleteCan't deal abeg.
@Tee_y
#Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong*
ReplyDeleteNah....there's a limit to how calm one can be. Your husband is mama's boy,sorry about that. Stand your ground on this one ooo
ReplyDeleteThis is nonsense, which kind poster and mother Inlaw be this? Your own children? Abeg I have nothing to say to you, you allowed it the very first time your MIL named your first baby, so don't complain to us abeg.
ReplyDeleteAncient Of Days Mother In-Law.
ReplyDeleteAncient Of Days Mother In-Law
ReplyDeleteFetish MIL...
ReplyDeleteThe man names the children; it's a biblical standard. Not the wife talk more of mother-in-law name the children.
What kind of man is your husband that could not breakaway from his mother's cord, abi una no go marriage counselling classes prior to marriage?
Marriages these days, na wa o!
Your husband is the cause of everything. Mummy's boy you married.
ReplyDeleteMao Akuh
If I talk now, them go say Mother Nature don talk.
ReplyDeleteMy dear poster, prayer is the master key lol.
Mother Nature
Just nedodu!!! Nothing person no go hear bikonu! Poster,you have to be real stubborn about it this time around because you have endured so long cos I read where you said your MIL named the other two even though you don't like those names. Hmmmmmmmmm! Don't give her that chance this time around no matter what!
ReplyDeleteThe person that will insist on naming my kids, haven't been born.
ReplyDeleteWhen I already have my babies names written down, you will now come and tell me to call my babies by some name I don't like? Nah..
I reserve the right as a mother to call my kids by the name I want.
Poster you don't sound enlightened at all.
Na wa for you o poster you too weak . Why didnt you add ur name join to the list of names and be calling you baby that ? So if mama named her omosewa ruth, u should have added two of ur names join . Then have it all on her birth certificate & be calling ur baby the name u chose. From ur first kid this is what u should have done
ReplyDeleteI bear a pet name my mom called me as a baby, Up till now that's what everyone knows Me as .
My dad calls me by my real name, my grand ma calls me by the name she gave me . But I tell everyone else my name is the pet name ...simple.
Poster you would have revolted the idea from your first child. By now, they would have know you for that. I know they have the right to name your child but the name given to your child should be the first. Haba, which kian MIL be this? Please discuss and come to terms with your hubby. Infact, let all the children bear their baptism name biko tupu obaragi nwagi Uboko, Nwaodono, Mmanu anu, Ntuoyi like my grand ma.
ReplyDeleteProblem with some mil.Poster ignore her. What's her own?? After all the stress of pregnancy someone will just wake up and say she is the mil and so that mandates her to name your baby??? I can't take that.
ReplyDeleteJust leave her na old age dey worry her
ReplyDeleteYour mother inlaw should go and yansh down jor.
ReplyDeleteNor be your yansh you take born dem abi na she help you labour?
She should remain angry don't let it get to you.
You have all the right to name your kids.
Selfish mother inlaw.
Instead of her to behave herself so she can die peacefully when the time comes.
Stella where my post na?
ReplyDeleteU r married to a BOY!
ReplyDeleteMy dad is from a muslim home, my grandma named all ma elder 1ce muslim name and insisted they r called by that name thank God ma mum stood her ground when it got to my turn she insisted no muslim name since my dad is a christian too not so deep though, they both gave me jex 2 names and she did not allow my grandma to give me any name, my younger 1ce too was not given any name by my grandma it stopped when my mum speak up and stood her ground
ReplyDeleteSee ehn...i tire. Same thing happened to me o. Before I had my baby my husband and I already picked a name. Immediately MIL heard I had delivered, she rushed to the hospital and called my baby one kind name like dat. My husband corrected her but she insisted that the name she gave my baby was final and no one can alter it. I was so pissed off. I am not even from their tribe so it took me over 2weeks to be able to pronounce my own baby's name. My baby is 2months now and am still as pissed as ever. All these mother in laws that will just be interfering anyhow. Mschewwwwww
ReplyDeleteIt's because you and your husband are two kids raising babies together. You both don't have sense of your own.
DeleteSenses*
DeleteWonders shall never end!!! I don't pray to marry a man that has little or no say about his immediate family.
ReplyDeleteyou better ignore her and focus on what is important, how will you MIL be the one to name your child? me no one will try that with me, i will name my child with my husband.
ReplyDeletefrom where i come from, grandparents give name only them call. the father n mother give names that stick and will be used for their educational requirements. THAT MOTHER IN-LAW IS FROM THE PIT OF HELL. wat if them change the names any issue? make she pack well jorr WITCH
ReplyDeleteMy four kids first names by the grace of God has already been named by me. You are free to name them but is my own i will be calling them and register in their birth certificates. The names are
ReplyDelete#chimudi#
#chinedum#
#munachimso#
#Adaugo#
#osinachi#
I have already told my mom and fiancee and they have agreed to it.
Munachimso is a beautiful name. Adaugo is an old name na. Haba
DeleteAfter delivering my baby boy, the doctors asked for the name of the baby and hubby was ready to give them, he wrote the names as we discussed in his order, the doctors then gave me the paper that hubby wrote the names in to control the names.....lol, I re arranged the names the way I wanted them starting with the one I gave my son, followed by my hubby's and then my mom's. So ma baby has 3 names...
ReplyDeleteSinging....
ReplyDelete*Iya Iya ta kun wa le o*
Alujonjonkirijon
*gbogbo araye pa yeye re je*
Alujonjonkirijon
*Ijapa gbe tire o dorun*
Alujonjonkirijon
What am I even singing 😱😱
I AM BORED 😪😪
as regards a lady who complained about her mother inlaw naming her children on behalf of her husband .
ReplyDeleteI was once in that position too,I am happily married with three children to the Glory of God almighty.
At every opportunity , my father inlaw will chose bitter names for my children in Thier language ,names like ikubiala meaning death is like a dream , terrible names that would have negative meaning on this child.
So each time he brings wicked names ,I reject it because when this children starts seeing negative effects of this names ,we all might not be here anymore to rectify it.(imagine answering "death is like a dream" when ever been called) God forbid
Names are very important and has spiritual significance too since from time memorial.
Please I would advice her to do what is right by having her children bear good and meaning names even if it's not convenient .
There's no written law anywhere that states mother inlaw or father inlaw should/must name grand children. children only give parents this opportunity because of RESPECT .
THIS RESPECT SHOULD NOT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED , because no matter how much fish like water reach ,no fish like hot water oooo.
just my opinion o .
thanks Stella
Thanks SDK .
DeleteHmmm. Ekeyi gidi gan
ReplyDeleteThese MIL's sef
How's this even an issue? Chronicle gone south.
ReplyDeleteI cant believe things like this still happen but anyhow poster you should have stood your ground from the onset of the marriage. All this obedience to inlaws that is against your wish never pays on the long run and never make them like you better. The best thing is to be be yurself from the onset. They will take you for who you are they may not like you bit your happiness and inner peace is better than your friendship with in-laws. Madam stand on your ground about this name issue and be diplomatic with your MIL.incase another issue arise and MIL wants to be incharge again pls stand your ground yes your husband can get angry but eventually he will come around,gradually he will learn to take charge of his home. Pray for wisdom also dear poster. It is well with you.
ReplyDeleteWhy are we Nigerians so obsessed with English names? It is a sign of how we have brainwashed ourselves which is why we are still living in the dark and not making any significant progress. The missionaries brought their religion here same as they did in other parts of the world like Asia. Today the Asians traditional religions still hold sway, while we have jettisoned our own for the white man's, including our names. How many Asians do we find bearing oyinbo names? They still hold on to their tradition and their names and they are making real progress! Oyinbo man can never respect us no matter what because we have refused to value the things that matter. No wonder Donald Trump wants to come a recolonize us!
ReplyDeletePoster is ur hubby from anambra? Ndi mmam so.
ReplyDeletePoster, you be learner? my mother named my daughter (has her own name for my daughter), my father inlaw named her too (also has his own name for her). me and hubby also named her and used our own names on her birth certificate. We also call her the names we gave her (if i hear). whenever we go see her grandpa, he calls her his own name (i go throway face cos i hate d name).
ReplyDeleteBut hey, it works perfectly for everyone.
Sweetheart, one advice my mum gave me before I got married is, "A wise wife can make a mountain out of a molehill and make a molehill out of a mountain". You have the ability to prevent a "big deal" from escalating and you can also make a fairly insignificant matter erupt like a volcano.
ReplyDeleteNow, you're going to get all sorts of advice from us. Naturally, you'll gravitate towards the ones which seem to justify your reaction but, please my darling, the most important factor to consider is, we don't know your hubby as well as you do neither do we know the dynamics of your marriage. One of the easiest things to do is to pontificate when we aren't the subjects of an issue. Over 90% of us dishing out advice will not follow our own advice when faced with the same or a similar situation.
You are the one in the marriage, you've inadvertently set a standard by acquiescence. You allowed a pattern in your home, trying to change it all of a sudden will be met with stiff opposition. You married a man whose mum has a strong hold on him and his affairs, it will be grossly unfair to bash him without bashing you as well. There are a lot of independent men whose mothers know better than to interfere with how they run their homes. I'm wondering why you didn't go for one of them? Obviously, you married your hubby for certain qualities. Everybody comes with the good and the bad, you have to accept both.
Is naming your child so important to you?. Assuming this dispute causes a rift in your home, will it be worth it? Isn't the meaning of a name more important than how posh it sounds? With due respect to the circle of friends you guys run with, why will grown ass men and ladies laugh at the name given to a baby? These same people expecting a "posh" or more modern name from you guys, will not be around to mend your home if and when there's fire on the mountain. Some will even be the ones to spread the gossip about your home.
I don't think our opinions should be the yardstick with which you measure the goings on in your home. We have different values and upbringings which forge our ideologies. With some issues, there are no right or wrong. You do what works for you. Do I feel your mother-in-law has the right to name your children? Why should my opinion matter when I'm not the one married to her son? My darling, don't grab any advice, including mine, just because it feels right. Consider the man you married and the dynamics of your marriage before deciding which to act on. Choose your "battles" prudently so you don't win the battle and lose the war.
#e-bearhugs.