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Oh Dear!

STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FROM THE EYES OF A CHILD.

I am a silent bv on your platform and trust me, my day is incomplete with reading the chronicles, WNB, LRD and the likes. But something happened today, in a way, I stumbled upon a 'diary on domestic violence' and thought I should share mine. It will be a long one but I feel the need to share coupled with the fact that I was tensed and seemed like everything was playing at once in my head. Forgive any typos, pleaseee.

I am a young lady of 22 years.

So, growing up for me wasn't so much fun. It seemed like a bitter-sweet experience. My mother is the most dedicated wife and mother I have ever known. I can't wait to make it just to see her experience the true meaning of care.


In my tender childhood days, I already knew what torture meant. I saw it played out from my dad and meted to my mum. I watched him beat her badly, broke her teeth, made her have a miscarriage, ridicule her in the public even to the extent of throwing her out naked for neighbours to see. But, she always held the fort.


It wasn't funny as I was the only child then. With time though, I would always look out for her when the devil in him reared its ugly head. I would jump on him to stop, be in the middle, shield my mother from his fist. It never stopped a thing. It kept happening! (My own little way of protecting her).



In the whole home thing, I was doing well academically. Thanks to my mum! (The real MVP! ). I graduated from secondary school with the second-best in my set. I was happy! Not just because of the success but that I was leaving home! I didn't get admission to the university of my choice, I should have waited but I just wanted to leave the house! So, I opted for the polytechnic option. Even with that, I was never happy. I still got report from home that his abuse was increasing by the day. It did affect me in some way but I needed to make good grades.


I completed my studies at the polytechnic, had to come home. It was a mixed feeling because I will be there to help mummy but I wished the session never ended all because of the 'battlefield'.


It was time to go for my HND programme... He(my dad) swore he would never sponsor my education further. As the girl that I have come to be, I knew my life couldn't end with an OND. I was 18! I had to look for a job to save up some cash and yes I got one that paid well for my age and qualification.


During the whole drama, of him (my dad) swearing not to sponsor my education further, it was hell for me and my mother! I always looked pale and tired because the home front was a stressful one. Arrghhh!


One day, in his constant manner. An issue happened. Prior to that time, Mummy always warned me to keep a close eye to everything he does to her. I agreed though it was not easy until this incident that completely turned the only bit of affection I managed to keep for him. He beat her silly, cursed her and all that related to her even me (all this while, I was quiet! ).


He was dragging her out naked. I had to do something! It was then I pushed him away from her, gave my mum a wrapper to cover herself with.

When he gained balance, oh my! He beat the sunshine out of me that I passed out, I do not know for how long though but I woke up to see my mum trying so hard to revive me with water and begging that I wake up while he kept beating her. With that, I stood up and pushed him with the little strength I had crying and saying 'is it not okay?!'.


Stella, you will not believe how the society (his family and people who do not even know what's been happening) reacted when he fabricated the story to make him appear as the victim. Every time he gives a narration, he is always the victim. It made me realize the reason why most women will never speak up.


Fast forward to now, with God on my side and my job(had to change jobs twice). I have been able to pay for my school fees at the university for three years now with little or no help at all. I can't remember the last time he provided a 3-square meal for the house.


I cry often... It's getting worse. I feel for my mum because like most women who are abused, the usual talk is ' I can't leave because of you, if I do and u want to get married someday. People will say because I didn't endure with, you will definitely follow in my steps... So, I need to stay for you). But really, who cares?! Whether good or bad, they will wail!


Mind you, my mum has a business of hers not a full housewife. She is very hardworking. She paid for my tuition in the first school I ever attended. Only that business haven't been positive lately.


I feel sad... We(I and my dad)are like complete strangers in the house, not with the constant cursing which I know by God's grace will not be made manifest in my life. He doesn't know how I feed, how I clothe myself infact nothing! Sometimes, I wonder why he still tortures me, it's like he is frustrating all of my effort to be happy and become great and I am not a reckless person, everything I do is always to honor his name since I still bear his name as my surname. It feels bad that sometimes I just stay up and cry.


Presently, I feel the need to save up to get an apartment. My mum have being talking about her decision to leave but the cash is not forthcoming since business is shaky and my savings is dedicated to school fees of over a 100 thousand yearly I honestly do not know how to go about it but I know that I just need to leave in order to experience peace of mind even if my mum changes her mind on her usual philosophy.

The whole experience is affecting me psychologically. I get scared easily, forgetful, always lost in thoughts... Its worse when I hear or read of domestic violence, it is always like my heart is beating faster than normal and my head begins to ache.


Stella, it is a very bad situation to live in. I will never pray such for myself nor enemies. Domestic violence is real and it kills slowly.

I fear for myself especially my mum! Please,I need all the help that I can get!