WOW
Good day..
So straight to the point. I have 2 kids. Will give account of each one at different times. I'm lucky with pregnancy as I never experienced any pregnancy symptoms. In fact, when I was pregnant for the first time, everyone kept asking if I was sure I was pregnant during the first trimester. They made me do scan every 2 weeks to be sure my baby was growing fine as they were shocked. No single symptoms of pregnancy..
When it was time to birth my first child, I was sleeping and I felt like I was urinating on the bed. I woke up and started laughing. Like what the hell. Has it gotten to the stage where I will pee on my body because I can't hold my urine again. And those that know me know I can hold my urine for a whole day. So when I stood up to go urinate in the toilet, it kept dripping. Thats when it clicked and I knew my water just broke.
I went to the sitting room to wake my hubby who was watching football and slept off. I told him my water has broken and he was like ehh, just say you urinated. You still have 4 weeks. I was like no, I'm serious. He asked if I'm experiencing any pain and I said no. This was about 3am.
I decided to go pack my things because I have not done that but had bought everything. After which I went to shower. Came out and applied makeup. Hubby was like ah ah, are we not going to the hospital again? Why are you making up as if we are going for an event? I was like how is my makeup affecting your life. ( I had sharp mouth during pregnancy).
After which I combed down my 26" Peruvian hair. Wore my short gown ( those long tops). In my mind nothing will make me go naked. Highest I'll lift up my gown and tie wrapper. I packed everything and we left the house about 4am. Got to the hospital and I was admitted. 3 ladies were in serious pain and I was just laughing and calming them down. Then I was playing game.
When the doctor came to check on me, the first thing he said was madam are you sure you came to give birth? With your well made up face and long hair and I was like ehen. He was like anyway labor has not come that's why, if not I'll clean my face myself and cut my hair he then said he will check me again by 10am to see if my labor has started.
When he came that time, labor had not started so he put an inducing tablet inside me. When he did that, my sisters inlaw called to say they were around so I went to bring them to where thy could stay as they couldn't enter the labor room and was gisting with them. They were like haven't the tab kicked yet I said no. I asked them to go buy me food (biggest mistake) so I'll eat. They got me fried rice, chicken, salad and juice . After eating, I left them and went to lie on my bed and gbam, I felt the sharpest pain. I was like naah, it's not me this pain will disgrace.
I laid down and another one came and I was like naaah, this pain can't overtake me. And before you know it, the pains kept coming every minute small small. And before I'll say jack, the pain was so serious. When I couldn't hold it again I shouted at a nurse ( whenever she sees me she still teases me). I was like did I pay money for them to allow heat to kill me. She should come and on the fan and ac close to me. Meanwhile I was the one that put it off before I was induced because I was cold.
She came and put it on. I then called my hubby as he was at work and said I should call him when the pains start. I called him and this was our conversation
Me : where are you? I'm in pain. Rush down to the hospital now
Hubby : okay give me 2 hours tops because of traffic and rounding up what I'm doing
Me : God punish you. God punish you well for me. I'm dying in pains because of your doing, did I ask you to give me 2 hours when you where mounting me in every angle of the house, now the result is here and you are asking for 2hrs,better be here now or I'll give birth and take my baby back to my parents house and I cut the call..
Hubby kept calling and calling but didn't pick. I was hitting the walls of the hospital. I called the nurse and asked her to off the ac and fan again. Then I asked her why my pains are not coming 5 mins apart but every minute. She was like because I was induced. I begged her to on what she put off and she was like madam, I'm not your slave o. Do it yourself. I was like please the pains won't let me and I don't know if I'm hot or cold at this point.
When doctor came around 12pm to check me, he said I was 5cm dilated. That by the time he comes next, I will be ready to give birth. I told him he should take me to labor room like that and stop putting his hands inside my vagina
Okay I missed the step where I had brought out my hair net and pushed my hair inside because it was disturbing me when the doctor saw me with the net, he started laughing, he was like no, my make up will soon clean.
By the time he left, the pains intensified and I was walking up and down and hitting all the beds and hitting the walls. And shouting the nurses were like madam go and lie on your side and stop shouting. Instead breath through the pain. I asked them how possible it is to breath thru this kind of pain. The nurses were laughing and saying sorry madam.
I went to lie down and was cursing and cursing. I was like after this one I won't give birth again. Nothing will bring me to the labor room. My gown became uncomfortable and I removed it and tied wrapper. Mind you, I have never tied wrapper before on my chest. I have not even tied on my waist. The wrapper I had was bought because of the list. At this point it seemed so right to tie wrapper. The nurses were like shakara don end for me.
I kept crying and shouting. At about 2pm,the nurse came to check me and was like I'm 7cm dilated. And I begged her to take me to the delivery room and tear me because I was tired. She refused o. I was like is it not my vagina please go and tear me. Tear me every where and bring out this baby. She said she will wait till I was 10cm dilated. That I should be ready for delivery at 6pm.i started crying and telling God to take away the pain as I won't be having sex again for anything. But naah, the pain was there. The pain was so much I had to remove my wrapper and was naked. I wasn't wearing pant or bra. Nothing at all.
Nurses started shouting madam, tie your wrapper o. I said no. Thank God because they don't allow anyone inside the labor room where we are like 7.its a big room. No family allowed inside unless you go to the corridor and stay with them. My sisters inlaw were there waiting to hear I had put to birth
Then came the urge to push, I shouted, nurse I want to push, she rushed and came and checked I was 8cm.she was like not time I shouldn't push o. I should hold it. I started sitting down and she was like madam, you are sitting on your baby's head. Lie down on your side. The pain continued and I remembered it wasn't up to an hour she checked me that I felt lie pooing.
I shouted nurse I want to poo.. Please come I want to poo. She rushed to me and checked and said okay let's go to the delivery room. And I walked out of the labor room naked, even tho the nurse kept trying to cover me. I saw my husband standing there and looking. The nurse asked if he would like to come inside the delivery room and watch the birth of our child, before he will respond, I shouted NO. I don't want him there. I don't want him. Stay back there. Let me not see you inside there. I entered and laid down. I opened my legs well.
Immediately I was asked to push. I gathered all my strength and pushed and I pooped. I started saying sorry nurse, I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it. She cleaned it up and all and asked me to push again which I did with so much strength. She asked me to stop and did some things with her hand around my vagina, according to her to prevent me from tearing up.
Then she asked me to push again and viam, my baby came out. She showed him to me to see the sex of the child , then cut the cord, cleaned him up and put him on my tummy. Then I was asked to push again and my placenta came out. I gave birth at 3;30pm.
I started asking is that all, she said yes. I was like just 3 push and she was like yes, I'm lucky. I was like ah ah, so all the how many hours pain just for 3 push. I was like aww, this baby is so small. I started crying. I was like omg, get him off me, he is small, he is slippery. I can't believe I'm a mom. No take him off me. The nurse took him, did all the necessary and dressed him and asked if I was ready to carry him again. I carried him and the love that enveloped me was out of this world. Nothing I have ever experienced. The love was so pure and undiluted. She took him from me again and helped me back to a room for me to stay with hubby. Hubby was like I was here since o.
In fact I didn't drive, I left my car so I won't be caught in traffic so I don't hear stories. My sisters inlaw came in and were gisting and all. I started calling everyone I know to tell them I had put to birth. My sister in law kept asking me to rest and stop calling and talking too much. By the time the doctor came by 6pm,he was told I had put to birth. He then came to the room I was and told me he was told what happened o. So I went naked. He laughed and left. It was by this time that the whole pain of shouting and hitting walls overtook me and I slept off. I slept for long o because by the time I woke up, it was 10pm. My hubby had even gone to bring his car.
My sisters inlaw watched over the baby while I slept. That was my story for my first child
I remember every detail because that day was something else. But it didn't stop me from resuming sex after 3 months. I gave a second child now.
*I raise Beyonce hand for you Madam..lol
God bless you
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
Ds post is now scary for me to read. Woke up ds morning after dreaming of being pregnant n in labour,got to d labour room n was asking for epidural n co when I only heard those words for d first tym thru ds lrd. It wasn't funny in d dream sha cos I cldnt push. Intact,m tired n I no get bf o talk more of having sex.
DeleteLol, I kept picturing the whole thing in my hand..I follow stella raise hand for you ... nice 1
DeleteHaaaa @Anon 13:47, this thing don enter you brain finally hahhahahahha
Delete*Larry was here*
Abeg. you are rude and uncouth and can you speak to your husband like that 'your life' please learn some manners. Your story is disgusting!!
DeleteThank God
ReplyDeleteCongrats you are a funny person
ReplyDeletePoster, u are a drama Queen.
DeleteLmao
ReplyDeleteFunniest LRD I've read.LMAO
DeleteChoi
ReplyDeleteMadam, I love you already, permit me to hug you. You're a very dramatic person
ReplyDeleteHahahhaa yes o very dramatic. I truly enjoyed her narrative. I kept on painting d pishure of d whole scenario in my head.
DeletePoster enjoy motherhood. God bless.
You sound like a rude b**tch. Maybe the hormones.
ReplyDeleteBut I doubt a reserved lady will turn to a lion because of pregnancy Hormones
...and you sound stupid
DeleteShut up ur dirty mouth der,av u ever given birth?mstcheeeew, pregnancy can make d coolest being very different in terms of behaviour,and d razz very calm also,it differs 4rm person 2person depending on ur hormone. Madam poster I can totally relate to hitting d walls and window panes and all,lolz,d wrapper n been naked,choi all dis drama sounds like mine.
DeleteI was enjoying ur story u.til the curse part. It is well with you.
DeleteNo I enjoyed her story,I also asked my hubby to leave the labour room cos he's presence was increasing the pain.
Deleteshe is rude abeg! don't justify nonsense
DeleteWow! Such a dramatic queen! Forget, you get bad mouth ooo. Thank God for safe delivery anyway.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this drama.
ReplyDeleteI still prefer CS, anyday, anytime.
Hahahahahahah, very interesting LRD. May God bless every woman with ttc with the cry of their babies and the bundles in their lives.
ReplyDeleteAmen
DeleteOkay
ReplyDeleteFunny woman thankGod for everyhing.
ReplyDeleteLol, what women go thru. I try not to curse when in labour, I just shout Jesus Jesus
ReplyDeletehahahahahhahaha you are a drama queen. see me laughing like craze person.
ReplyDelete*hangs leg on the cupboard*
Very dramatic sumborri.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations o.
Hahaha,u are very funny poster, congrats on your bundle of joy
ReplyDeleteDrama queen. Labour pain no dry hear tomorrow. It can make you do things you weren't capable of doing. Nice story.
ReplyDeleteOmg this is toooooo funnny
ReplyDeleteVery very funny, I laughed all through. Congrats madam. God bless your babies
ReplyDeletePLS IF I MAY ASK DOES OF YOU WHOSE WATER BROKE ON YOUR BED, HOW DO YOU CLEAN THE BED PLEASE?
ReplyDeletewow! wonderful experience. so similar to mine. Thank God for safe delivery.
ReplyDeleteWow such a funny story..I really the Poster , you really brought life in it like I am even there with her when it happened..The Joys of Motherhood
ReplyDeleteFab mum I see u, this is your LRD. Abi I lie?
ReplyDeleteLoool
ReplyDeleteAhn ahn drama queen! i enjoyed reading your story o.....
ReplyDeleteJust did my own drama yesterday. Chai! I showed Hubbyand,the doctor and nurses shege. Assin pure undiluted shege. Will send mine soon.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations
DeleteThank God for you madam
ReplyDeleteThis series is making me look forward to having my child... God I don't want CS ooo. I want the pains and all the drama :D
ReplyDeleteMadam e be like say u go Dey beat ur husband for house:..cos u sound like d man of d house.
ReplyDeleteCongrats madam.
ReplyDeleteBut why do women curse and abuse their husbands during labour while pretending they don't know what they are doing. From the abundance of the heart the mouth spesketh. No pain manufactures words. No, rather these are cuss words these women already have in their hearts towards their husbands ordinarily. My wife and many women I know and have seen only pray for themselves and urge their husbands to help pray for their safe delivery in the heat of all the pains. The worst they do is shout... Nothing will happen to me. I will triumph, ukwumoo, otula muoo etc. If my wife curses me hiding under labour pains ee...
Wait until u experience labour pain,oh u are a man?so won't understand,the only thing my doctor used to equall labour pain a bit is amputating of ur leg from ur lap with out any anegestic, can u imagine such degree of pain?is still not equal to labour pain,oga so pls park well,labour is hell fire,but the joy of carryin ur baby makes one forget fast
DeleteWait until u experience labour pain,oh u are a man?so won't understand,the only thing my doctor used to equall labour pain a bit is amputating of ur leg from ur lap with out any anegestic, can u imagine such degree of pain?is still not equal to labour pain,oga so pls park well,labour is hell fire,but the joy of carryin ur baby makes one forget fast,if I be ur wife sef na hot slap I go dash u for labor room
DeleteLol. Madam you are a real drama queen mehn.
ReplyDeleteThank God for you and your Lil prince
Congrat
DeleteVery dramatic outing
ReplyDeleteThis is something I looking forward to.
ReplyDeleteI laughed out loud.
ReplyDeleteSuch an interesting read. So similar to mine. God bless your children.
ReplyDeleteThank God for you and may God bless all the mothers for the great sacrifice.e no easy at all.
ReplyDeleteLol, thank God for safe delivery
ReplyDeleteThank God for you and may God bless all the mothers for the great sacrifice.e no easy at all.
ReplyDeleteWoow Madam. I too enjoy dis ur labour room drama. Pls, send d 2nd story
ReplyDeleteHahahahhaha @ Stella dat is raising Beyonce's hand for d woman dat got me laughing
ReplyDeleteGod bless you madam your story is so funny
ReplyDeleteEnter your comment...
ReplyDeleteI love ur story..Very entertaining
ReplyDeleteDrama full ground in this LRD
ReplyDeleteLol. Madam, u av sharp mouth true true. Hian!!!
ReplyDeleteHahhahahahahaha
ReplyDeleteVery entertaining. Didn't want it to end.
Funny woman.
Very interesting story....i was just smiling... Mine wasn't dramatic
ReplyDeleteSo dramatic...lol
ReplyDeleteThank God for everything
I had sex 5 days after I gave birth... even with all the tearing and stitching ... my husband was eager to know the extent of damage that the baby''s head had cause.. our baby weighed 5.2 at birth... I hear am sha... will soon send in my own LRD.
ReplyDeleteI don't know why I find the pain part of all the lrd funny I was in pain but a manageable kind of pain. My inlaw was going to give me epidural it was at the tip of my tongue to tell him not to worry cos of the side effect by the time I was 6cm the epidural was a blessing ohhh infact I fell asleep
ReplyDeleteNa from sleep I hear say I don crown but I couldn't push cos of slip but as dem comot one drip I hear correct one come push ohhhh at the end na episiotomy help oh pikin plus placenta rush out. It is well with women ohhhh
Put to bed not birth. Illiterate. Congrats
ReplyDeleteThis LRD series usually makes me shiver,I can't wait to experience labour pain.
ReplyDeleteWww.bolatitoblog.com
Have an office colleague who just birthed her first child and came to share the video with us. Me i didn't want to see it oo so sat on my own browsing and then stumbled on this story. Gbam! what is all this lrd all around me. I've been scared of pregnancy before oo with this now idk again. Shout out to all the mothers i know
ReplyDeleteHave an office colleague who just birthed her first child and came to share the video with us. Me i didn't want to see it oo so sat on my own browsing and then stumbled on this story. Gbam! what is all this lrd all around me. I've been scared of pregnancy before oo with this now idk again. Shout out to all the mothers i know
ReplyDeleteHave an office colleague who just birthed her first child and came to share the video with us. Me i didn't want to see it oo so sat on my own browsing and then stumbled on this story. Gbam! what is all this lrd all around me. I've been scared of pregnancy before oo with this now idk again. Shout out to all the mothers i know
ReplyDeleteCongratulations madam.
ReplyDeleteNice narrative madam!take am east with oga o
ReplyDelete