STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
INTER TRIBAL MARRIAGE CONCERNS
Hello Madam Stella,
I hope this mail meets you well. Please keep my email address confidential and please share this for your readers to advice me.
I wrote you earlier this year about my relationship problems. I am the lady who asked my then boyfriend(now ex) to date another girl to see who was better while I waited in the corner. My self-esteem at that time was at subzero level. I took the advices I got here and finally moved on. I am working on myself and it has been a period of growth for me.
I am from one of the south-eastern states but presently serving in the north-central region of Nigeria.
During this period, I met a guy from the north-central region who I know genuinely loves me and would go out of his way to make me comfortable and happy. I will add at this point that I never intended for us to fall in love. I was this lady who was minding her business and this guy came and swept her off her feet.
He wants to marry me and despite being happy with him, I have my concerns:
1.Could love really withstand the problems of inter-tribal marriage?
2. Should I just move on and look for someone I share the same language, cultural practices and belief systems with?
1.Could love really withstand the problems of inter-tribal marriage?
2. Should I just move on and look for someone I share the same language, cultural practices and belief systems with?
People that married from another tribe, what are the experiences like? What should I expect?
Should I just follow my heart and hope that the challenges that come are something we can handle?
We are both Christians. He is 26 while I am 24. He is looking at next year's december when he comes back from his studies for us to settle down.
Please, your red ink is sincerely needed.
*My dear let me read comments,i know nothing at all about inter tribal Marriage oh.
If you love him what has tribe got to do with it???
ReplyDeleteLol, stella knows more about interracial and international marriage...lmao
DeleteNothing wrong with inter-tribal marriage.
Delete..... But you know your family will never agree to this union and that's why you have doubts too. Go and discuss with your family first.
All the best.
Hahaha Stella na real u know nothing about inter tribal marriage
DeleteAre you and Mr Korkus the same tribe?
Pls what can i use the chaff of tiger nut to do or should i throw it away
DeleteDepends on the individual's preference, there may be culture shock if it's an unfamiliar tribe.
DeleteHe is 26,and u are 24,my dear he doesn't want to marry you,...he wants to continue ducking u
DeletePls BV's am in a relationship with a man who spites me with his mom anytime we have a misunderstanding.... Will this kind of man change?
DeleteSo you can't take decision on your own? Always looking for bv to advice u.
DeleteMarry any man except EDO!theey are evil leeches
DeleteLove bu onye me o! Iworiwo!
ReplyDeleteEven when you marry same tribe,you'd still have problems,but when God is the foundation,the married can withstand anything.
Delete24 and 26,lovely and good to go,if you are both emotionally ready.
You're obviously not ready for marriage.
ReplyDelete26 and 24? Don't you think you both need time to mature before taking the leap.
Have you discussed with your parents about marrying outside your tribe? It's no religious differences so I don't see the problem.
Stop looking for loop holed where there is none. We can't be fighting racism in the diapora and then intertribal nonsense against our own brothers and sisters.
Please one problem at a time.
I don't see any problem. Many beautiful marriages were built on inter tribal marriage and it gives your kids the opportunity to learn more than one native language that's if you both understand your language.
It is beautiful and promotes unity
You are marrying the person and not their tribe.
26 & 24 isn't small age for marriage
DeleteWhen is the rightful age? Tell me where it was written also
Delete26 and 24 not matured? Really Madam. When people younger than them are getting married every weekend? Abegiii
DeleteYou too much.
DeleteThis why I saved you that day in save d bvs
So at what age is right for marriage? They might be young and matured more than those that married at gwez age. Age dosent guarantee a happy home.
Delete@Muah and Lizzy T, I asked a question please don't bite me. If your mates are getting married every weekend, your mates are also dying every weekend why not aspire to be like then aunt since you're in competition in this life.
DeleteDrop your own opinion instead of crying underneath other people's own.
Abi I'm not allowed to think what I think again ni?
@Bianca I see you👍
I agree you guys are too young. Give it a couple years before you decide.
DeleteYou are both Christians so what's Stopping you? You better accept him if he loves & treats you well.
ReplyDeleteYour ex that was from the East with you, shebi he treated you like a foot mat? Go ahead please.
I personally love inter-tribal marriages/relationships. I hope to fall in love with a Yoruba demon someday. Lol
Quicki, u sound so nice 2day, wat happened? Do u have catarrh?
DeletePoster, since you said there is love then what are you waiting for. Also, you did not state that any of his or your parents are against it.So stop wasting your time worrying over nothing and carry on.
DeleteMy uncle married a Calabar woman, and I tell you, we couldn't ask for any one better. She's sooooooooo good and fully accepted!!
Lol
DeleteAtheist, stopeeeet😁😁
DeletePoster are U so fat and short and ugly that u cannot get someone from the south to marry you?Must u go north with all their wahala?
ReplyDeleteConfirm: James!!!
DeleteI have finally confirmed you are James. Pls go back to your old ID. There is nothing peaceful about your comments.
DeleteJames well done. We know your signature.
DeleteFrom money maker to James and now peace maker.. start thinking of d next name
DeleteMy dear don't let tribe be a barrier for you, I think it should be fun marrying from another tribe to see another part of life. Since you both loves each other, my dear stick to him.
ReplyDeleteMy dear if you can cope with 2nd wife issues pls go ahead,besides you are too desperate to be attached to a man.
DeleteThe only thing you might experience is culture shock...if u visit the villa often. Other than dat u will be fine
ReplyDelete#I am a fruitful vine😆😆 I am a joyful mother of covenant children
If ur parents agree to it, I see nothing wrong marrying a northerner.
DeleteI for one, like the northerners cos they are less controversial in life, aside from running the economy ofcourse. They're honest too. Even their polygamous family has NO or minimal bile or hate compare to other tribes here.
That said, it's still a long way to the period U stated. So many things would've transpired before then. Jus flow with the time and be observant.
#OkBye
All marriages has one or few issues but coupling that with tribal issues na quench. Poster needs to do her findings well though sometimes even findings is not enough. God forbid, we have heard of many men been told to carry sacrificial stuffs when wife dies or cheats etc, many women end up doing things against their personal convictions because she went into an unknown culture. Love is not enough to have a great marriage and both spouse being a Christian is not enough!!!!
DeleteMrsBee
Nne your people will NEVER support that union! It is better I tell you the truth now, instead of sugar coating it for you
ReplyDeleteFor me, I believe if he makes you happy and loves you. That's all that matters not his tribe or language. But sadly, our parents don't see it like that, that's where the problem lies.
If you get back bone and your man get strong mind, then you guys can give it and try first. Be prayerful as well, I believe that our God is a God of impossibility and that He can make any impossible situation Possible.
I wish you both luck
You don't know her people tho.
DeleteIf you are both "CHRISTIANS" that means "followers of Christ"; FOLKS WITH RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST; SURE? Why don't you seek the Lord in prayer and fasting, know from his Spirit if this man is for you?
ReplyDelete"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."
Google this quote and read more. If you can't hear him, then you are not following him; you are not his sheep; period!
Hmmm....
ReplyDeleteThis one hard oh....
Lemme read comments please
Listen All Igbos: any Igbo person, male or female marrying outside Igboland or our cousins in Bayelsa, Cross River, Akwa Ibom, Rivers and Delta is doing so at their peril. The future of this country is not guaranteed. The only thing holding this country is CRUDE OIL! The day oil dries up in the Niger Delta or is discovered in the North would be the end of Nigeria.
DeleteOkay! So where is the chronicle here? I'm trying to understand. Cos I'm still single but I'm from CRS and none of my sisters or female relatives that my parents have wedded out have never married from CRS. They marry Delta, Rivers, Igbo, Hausa etc and they are living with their husbands. Stop this tribal marriage bla bla.... We live as one. you meet a good man, you love him, you marry. Abeg.
ReplyDeleteP.S But my dad doesn't like Yoruba men (only) 😂😂 He says they aren't straight forward and they don't usually take good care of women. And all my pending suitors are Yoruba 😂😂😂 And they're not bad oh! Really.... I guess I'm gonna be the scape goat of the house 😩😩
Your family talk must come in
DeleteGodforbid bad thg
You are so funny! :)
DeleteHave *ever not never
DeleteMy dear pls don't marry Yoruba,many marriages don't last these days because we think we are wiser than our parents.
DeleteChikito hon, what part of CRS are you from?
DeleteMy dear I am from edo state but I married from CRS o,biquo town,we are going strong
DeleteErm,no offence but it's not the same thing.You see,you South southerners can marry from anywhere.You lot are not always choosey when it concerns tribe.Unlike the easterners.Especially if she's from somewhere like Anambra,that marriage won't work,not as far as her parents have any say in the matter anyway.
DeletePersonally,I don't even wqnt to marry from outside my tribe,it's not me being tribalist,it's just my choice.It all depends on what you want young lady.If you feel you can go against all odds for this guy,then go ahead.But if not,just let it be.
Yes babe Chikito. There's no need sugar coating it. They're indeed "not straight". Very unreliable tribe. They're always here and there at the same time. Very opportunistic. Live off their women. Morally deficient. And eternal children breeders outside marriage. It is a Yoruba man that will be fucking his mistress without condom and "coming" inside her repeatedly. My sisters, daughters can marry from any tribe but this tribe. There's hardly a straight-forward Yoruba person. Always shifty. Trust them at your peril. And I forgot to add "dirty" too. Chikito run away from heart break.
DeleteAnon 16:06- cos that's what you chose to see nau. Is it your own family I will come and talk about? Oschisco! The ideato clan. 😂
DeleteAnon 16:57- so what you're trying to tell me is that I'm about to break some people's hearts? 🙆🏽 okay! So what do I do nau? Only Yoruba guys come for me oh! I'm telling you. Even my pastor's son that's making pastor send me plenty plenty greetings everyday through my mum..... na Yoruba!! As I fair reach Igbo man no go see me? Should I start using bleaching cream? Maybe I will be bright enough nau. Warris all this! 😩 Me I can't stand pre-wedding drama oh....
Anon 17:34 - central CRS. Not efik 😊
Anon 18:02- Ehen.....That's nice. Biquo na proper efik oh! Is he from the royal family? are you enjoying us? Be honest oh! 😉
Chikito the Google master 🙌🙌🙌🙌 professional liar
DeleteSassy, saying 'you lot' is a rude way of addressing any group of people in real life. 😊 please don't say it outside this blog. some people will take offense if you addres them that way.
DeleteAnon 18:35- ewoooo 🙆🏽🙆🏽
Anon 19:15- anonymous the professional anonymous stalker 🙌🏽🙌🏽 How market today? You still dey hide ID? May the Lord Eject you from anonymous mode like VHS from video player!! 'Lazarus, Come Out!' Amen 🙏🏽
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteYou're in the wrong place asking for such an advice, BVs will tell u their personal xperiences & opinions, but its dsnt all work like a clock, journeying thru same path dsnt mean the weather condition at every given time will be favourable to all pedestrians.... Its only you that can consciously make that decision to marry him or not, deep down u know what u can stomach, but the love of the 70s and early 80s knew no boundary or skin colour, it was so blind that divorce lawyers ventured into other fields, but this our iGeneration has given night vision goggles to love & xray gadgets, you're both very young, that's good.... You hv enough time to pen down ur pros and cons.
ReplyDeleteThat's the honest truth, our opinions might not work for you.
DeleteDon't I jes love u @Atheist
DeleteI no go school, which people be north central, i dont know ooo.
ReplyDeleteIf you are marrying benue person, sorry for you ooo
Well said @ Lovemejeje I don't eben know what she is thinking.
DeleteNorth Central abuja Kaduna Niger nassarawa
DeleteHaa bianca, kaduna is north west. North central: plateu, benue, nassarawa, niger, kogi, kwara
Deleteuseless idiot.. what's wrong with Benue people... God puish u abi dey don use stick open ur Nash before
Delete@loveme jeje...u just open ur mouth n start saying dumb shit just because u want to be noticed...useless irritant
DeleteIt depends on the individual and their families,if u guys love each other and your families are in support then go ahead but 24 n 26?? isn't that too young??...
ReplyDeleteMy dear, can you withstand the test of time? Follow your mind sha.
ReplyDeleteStella knows about Inter-racial marriages not Inter-tribal.. Lol!
ReplyDeleteYou are 24 and he's 26..hmmm!!!!! Hope he's done with swags..Why do I feel you are a bit desperate? What do I know?? Follow your heart!!!!!
There's nothing wrong with marrying someone from another tribe so long you are marrying your own man/woman .. ONE NIGERIA
But why are you all so worried about age? Wasn't it our parents who married at 21 and 22 and faced life together and some have done 40 and 50 years and counting??abeg! We see ppl like Maje running out of court room in their late 30s. Yet, there was a commissioner stella put up here who was already married at 29 or so. All a woman needs is a man who knows what he wants. I don't believe that age is a determining factor. A man who knows where he's going won't waste time. Some ppl marry old and can't stay one place. Some marry young and focus. It depends on what you as an individual want.
DeleteWhen my elder sis and hubby married at 26 (both) my mum's friends were saying my mum didn't do well by letting her off so 'young'. But both of them stood their grounds. 11 years + later, they both agree that it was the best decision they ever took because together they disciplined themselves and achieved set goals before even their 30th birthday. When you have baby food and a pampers to buy you won't be popping champagne in club every Friday like some uncle gwegs sampling every p*ssy in Lagos in the guise of 'looking for THE ONE'.
Your head dey there
DeleteDepends on what tribe is marrying what tribe, I am not in one but the percentage of some tribe not making good match is high and not encouraging. On this note I will say you should do your findings, pray about it, seek your siblings opinion and use your head
ReplyDeleteMrsBee
My dear since both of you love each other very well like you said, marry him. Abi na tribe you want to marry or the love of your lif?
ReplyDeleteWhat am I even saying? I'm not married
My dear,love is not enough in marriages again.his attitude to the institution called marriage is more important.
DeleteLmao Stella, na intercounty you sabi. As a world citizen that is you nau.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, keep calm, follow your hearts and Brain and Enjoy the ride.
#A little suggestion # why don't you go for make up training. It just might help you boost your Self esteem. All the very best.
So basically u are asking us, total strangers if YOUR relationship will work? If you have doubts then marry him. Nobody here will be with you if shit gets real. I will give the same advice if the both of you were from the same village. Haven't you seen people that marry from the same tribe that are in unhappy marriages or divorced? Havent you met couple that are from different tribes and even religion yet are happy? It depends on the both of you. There must be mutual respect. That's all that's needed for any marriage to work. If you like share the same tribe, state, village,religion and even church if you dont respect each other, the marriage is bound to fail. It's really not rocket science. Inter tribal have worked in the past and are still working now. I am a product of a 30 year successful inter tribal marraige. I'm half Ijaw and half Delta igbo. 😎😎😎
ReplyDelete26 and 24? Hian.
DeleteI'm also a product of intertribal marriage. Both were 26/20. I don't think there age matters. If they are ready, then they should go ahead.
DeleteI actually don't see anything wrong in inter tribal marriages,after all that was the reason for NYSC... And since both of u r of d same faith. Our parents r d issue wen it comes to that...The question is:
ReplyDelete1. Will ur parents or his agree to this?
2. Are you guys ready for the troubles that comes with it?
3. The pressures are too much wen neither if d parents are in agreement to this.
Make ur findings first before knowing d next step to take.
But if u aren't strong enough wen d answer from ur parents is No", n u guys v tried to make them see reasons with yu n they refused...better let go.
Though am d type dat can elope with ma guy but it'd only on d ground dat am too sure of him o. Not asking u to do that cos our parents aren't the same.
God be with u darling
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI see nothing wrong in marrying outside your tribe once love is there, except if your parents think otherwise.Good enough that both of you belong to the same faith cos religion binds more than tribe. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteIf he u truly love each oda biko go ahead and put it in prayers
ReplyDeleteIf your next village marriage can crash or work out perfectly well, then the same goes to inter-tribal or even international union!
ReplyDeleteAll marriages solely depends on the TWO parties [man/woman] involved, Mine is a typical example. Culture and language does not matter in a marriage based on understanding and love!
My dear first of all, I must commend you for taking a good advice and moving on and building yourself..Well you still have enough time at your hands..Define what you are in..what are your personalities?? are you compactible, do u share major beliefs aside from religion..how do u see life from both angles?? are u emotionally, financially matured?? questions upon questions, right?? Just look before you leap..All the best my dear
ReplyDeleteGenuine love does not necessarily refer to pedigree to be established. But then, is the feeling mutual? Do you love him just about the same or it's just the desire to be married that you seek to fulfill? If it's the later, then it's not advisable to go ahead with plans.
ReplyDeleteWe find love in all places - hopeless places, beautiful places.
Poster, your parents are not the problem this time around, your mind is playing games with you.
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong in inter-tribal marriage? Nothing my dear.
My parents are from different tribes, they have been married for more than 40 years, one of my elder sisters is married to a man from another tribe and they are ok together.
Please marry the person that treats you like a queen regardless of his tribe. Both of you speaks a common language which is LOVE. If your both parents are not against you both getting married; why give yourself a headache?
What about you get married to someone from your tribe and he starts treating you like rag, what will you do? Please, marry him and live your life in peace.
I luv dis @Mrs Romas! Bikoo chop kiss
DeleteMrs Romas you always make sense. I have marked your Blog ID 👀 you might be my next blog bae after Sisi Eko 😈
DeleteU love urselves u have no problem.
ReplyDeleteI'm igbo born and grew up in the north. ..babe if ur guy is kaduna 'taraba Christian then I say go for it 101%. Kaduna guys are gooooodddd. I dunno about plateau or nasarawa. I got married to a Rivers man nd I must say IT'S BEEN HELL. I also have girlfriends who are igbos married to igbo guys and are still in HELL FIRE AS WE SPEAK. For me I think it's about finding that one person who is mature nd will love u. U said ur guy is 26 and ua 24. ....I know age is just a number but my dear 'that guy is still very young for marriage ohhh. Pls above all DONT RUSH INTO MARRIAGE
ReplyDeleteNot true oh.... My sis marry rivers and by God's grace they're the best inlaws in the world. My Yoruba friend married rivers and she's chopping life like no tommorow. Sorry but your experience is a single unique case. Some families just have problem.
Deleteshut up chikito...ur story too much...u too dey carry dey talk
DeleteRivers state men can be anything but they are very good husbands esp wen they marry outside their state,
DeleteLove conquers all...
ReplyDeletePoster please remain where you will be honoured.... He may love you to the moon and back but what about his nuclear and extended family.. Northern and eastern culture differs by far. Im not trying to be tribalistic just stating the obvious. It is even better for an eastern man to marry another tribe than for an eastern lady to just marry any tribe most especially one that the culture and belief differs by far. Another angle you should look at is the religious aspect.. Yea I know you didn't raise that but consider this,easterners are mostly traditional worshippers or Christians(this is in a case where extended family is involved).. You can hardly hear of a Muslim in any igbo extended home.. But can you say that for the north? Your bf and his nuclear family may be core Christians but what about his extended. Except you are comfortable with your kids have mixed religious relations. Sweetheart you may love your bf but marriage no b bf n gf matter o. My sis was like you in her case she was even 28years n swore that it is either she marries her northern sweetheart or nothing n my dad bluntly refused welcoming her bf then he sat her down n pointed out some factors she should consider some of which I have mentioned my sister had to give herself brain n come out of the four year relationship even though she was scared of starting over cos of her age. As I write to you my sis met and fell in love with an eastern guy barely 6 months later as in I don't think I have seen a love so strong as what they share n they are happily married and everyone is happy... Since that occasion I no dey use 'one Nigeria' mentality fall in love o... One Nigeria no reach marriage o...u r still young u can still start over... A word they say is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteSo basically as a man, you are allowed to marry outside but a woman can't? Not sexist at all. *rme*
DeleteSo my Aunty wey marry Hausa for 18 years now nko? Hausa from Bauchi sef. Deep inside. She hasn't died. She has never complained of any tribalism in her husband's house, even though some are muslims. Even his dad is a Muslim. Abeg.... me I'm even more concerned about religion that tribe. Because of all this terrorism upandan. Tribe to me oh, is nothing. As long as it's a good family. people marry from the same tribe and still divorce within months. So??
DeleteNigeria's future isn't even sure so if she marries that man let her bear in mind that she is marrying from another country,not saying it is bad but most times it is better to stay within safe zone,south east and south south is ok but that north and south west is a no no,abet forget that guy and don't be too desperate,in fact you need to pray for strong heart you are too weak.
DeletePoster please remain where you will be honoured.... He may love you to the moon and back but what about his nuclear and extended family.. Northern and eastern culture differs by far. Im not trying to be tribalistic just stating the obvious. It is even better for an eastern man to marry another tribe than for an eastern lady to just marry any tribe most especially one that the culture and belief differs by far. Another angle you should look at is the religious aspect.. Yea I know you didn't raise that but consider this,easterners are mostly traditional worshippers or Christians(this is in a case where extended family is involved).. You can hardly hear of a Muslim in any igbo extended home.. But can you say that for the north? Your bf and his nuclear family may be core Christians but what about his extended. Except you are comfortable with your kids have mixed religious relations. Sweetheart you may love your bf but marriage no b bf n gf matter o. My sis was like you in her case she was even 28years n swore that it is either she marries her northern sweetheart or nothing n my dad bluntly refused welcoming her bf then he sat her down n pointed out some factors she should consider some of which I have mentioned my sister had to give herself brain n come out of the four year relationship even though she was scared of starting over cos of her age. As I write to you my sis met and fell in love with an eastern guy barely 6 months later as in I don't think I have seen a love so strong as what they share n they are happily married and everyone is happy... Since that occasion I no dey use 'one Nigeria' mentality fall in love o... One Nigeria no reach marriage o...u r still young u can still start over... A word they say is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteMadam, is like you enjoy sending chronicles
ReplyDeleteWhat are you doing with a BOY of 26yrs?
Better look for a man to date n marry.
And y are u desperate to marry?
You should concentrate on getting a job after nysc instead of looking for one uncircumcised aboki to marry
My dear, I think your self esteem is still zero.
Stop running from one situationship to another n leave wetin dey for trouser alone
Hey!deres nothn wrong wt her marrying at dat age pls
DeleteDesperate at 24? Hian!!!
DeleteI just tire for the girl she too like man and besides the guy is giving her that normal nice treatment in new relationships but will it last? The guyvmay just want to sleep with her.
Delete😀😀😀 @ aboki. Realest advice.
DeleteSome of you just talk like it's saw dust u have in ur brains it's only in nigeria that you will feel that a 26yr old guy can't handle a home, everyone is different
Delete@portable viv, dis z vry gud comin frm u. I am so vry glad wt dis ur comment. Hp u kno d uncircumcised aboki is ur christain brother. U bliv in dsame thing. So in ur bid 2 dwn grade him u have insulted ur brother in faith. Abi northern christain no rch complete christain ni???
Deletehave his parents/family accepted you? does he truly love you? have your own parents accepted him? if the answer is yes then go ahead and marry him... they are problems everywhere even if u decide to marry from your father compound there will still be problems in the marriage, what matters most in marriage is love understanding and care from both parties, God help you as you decide
ReplyDeleteHe's 26?
ReplyDeleteWhat sort of childish chronicle is this? Nonsense!
Chi I disagree. A 26 year old can marry if he knows where he's going and he has funds to start a family.
DeleteHahaha @ childish chronicle. Young love is the sweetest.
DeleteChy this your dark lippy is Bae. I see you later rocked it. ☺. I read where you were considering wearing it 👍💄
DeleteChyada, yeah I rocked it
DeleteIt came out looking really good I couldn't believe it
Kiss kiss.
not all relationships ends in marriage,try to build up ursef, ur self worth ND a career u will be respected madam ....miss hottie
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with inter tribal marriage, if there's love and understanding then go on, just make research about his culture, the dos and donts and be sure you are okay with them, not the one that you will start hearing story later like if you give birth you must throw the baby in water of shave your hair
ReplyDeleteWhat is wrong with inter tribal marriage, am sure you won't be asking this dumb questions if he is from Ukraine
ReplyDeleteAt the end you will still marry him
Let me follow stella read comments. As for me,I've never liked inter-tribal marriage.
ReplyDeleteI am not married but I have relatives that are married to spouses from different tribes...It is not an issue. As long as both of you are Christians, in love with each other, understand each, have a steady income and your parents approve then you can go ahead. Both of you will be alright...ProudlyDeltan
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteDear poster. I know little about inter-tribal marriages except for the dew I've heard or seen around my environment. Some has being extremely blissful you won't even know they're of different languages, while some have had normal marital issues.
ReplyDeleteI am of the opinion that love conquers and endures all things. Being married to someone whose family house is a stone throw from yours in the village doesn't determine a successful marriage. The best thing is to check your heart, ask yourself if you genuinely love him enough to spend your life with him. Your asking this question doesn't seem to me like you do. It's still next December, over a year from now.you haven't faced any issues yet and you're already having doubts and fears that seem unfounded.i don't think you love him, cos if you do, you'll be the one fighting to be with him against all odds.
My advice is to give it sometime, you're both still very young,(too young as a matter of fact). Meet each other's family without discussions of marriage and keep visiting and see how your folks react to it.
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My dear, inter tribal marriage is a 40 60 thing. But since he's a Christian, and if you understand hausa,and you both are truly in love. Ngwanu yes, but if no, sorry will be your case.
ReplyDeleteI'm abt to marry d most wonderful man nd we ain't from d same tribe I tink if d love is truly there nd both families accept the relationship den ure good to go.
ReplyDeleteShut up if he is yoruba
DeleteHe is looking at next year December lohunlohun when he comes back from studies as a lukman that he is. You are already worrying too much. Let him come back in "one piece" first and then you take it up from there.
ReplyDeleteStop worrying your pretty head and asking yourself many questions so you don't end up heartbroken or disappointed,okay? The guy is probably not worried about anything but you are busy working yourself up. I'm not saying anything bad is gon happen; but you know how these things are..shit happens. Take care..and as I say always - "keep an open mind."
My friend Gerrahere!!!! U don't hav any problem. You re just looking for problem wen there is none. Except u are from a family who frowns at inter tribal marriage. But from where I stand this shouldn't be a problem.
ReplyDeleteTo me there is nothing wrong with inter tribal marriage, the most important aspects of it; both of you are Christians.
ReplyDeleteSo with proper and better communication with true love and genuine concern about each other tribe. Your marriage will be successful.
How much has he achieved at 26? He's just 26 he should be hustling not thinking of marriage. Leave toto and prick matter For now
ReplyDeleteDon't miss out on a good guy that would make you happy simply cos of tribal differences.
ReplyDeleteWould you prefer someone from your village that would make your life a living hell?
You should be gunning for a happy home, any other thing is secondary.
Its not gonna be easy I know, esp when you can't speak the language. You will feel uneasy most times when family and friends visit and speak the language you don't understand with your hubby.
I remember how my mum would be discussing with my grandma,in my dad 's presence, and he would always interject, asking my mum questions like 'who is the onye ara'? What is 'nekwanu mu Anya'? And stuffs like that.
My mum would double over in fits of laughter,while he will glare at her with a scowl on his face.
They were best friends like that..
As long as he loves,and understands you perfectly, and he is your friend, I think it's worth giving it a shot.
It worked in my parents case. Dad is Igbo and momsie itshekiri.they are going on 40years.Its about patience, understanding and love.it can work. Just make sure you are compatible.
ReplyDeleteAm married to a non tribe and it doesn't even matter. What matters is love and understanding. I miss speaking my language sometimes. And I don't hear all their amebo so i don't care. I want to start learning the language so i can teach my kids. If not who cares about tribe.
ReplyDeleteMy dear do NOT compare IGBO guys with guys from other tribes. I'm not hyping our Igbo guys but they know how to take good care of their wives compare to other tribes if you jam good one.
ReplyDeleteCan you cope with this guy's relatives ish? THey can come to your house without communication even the ones you don't know. Can you cope? The word DISCIPLINE is so lacking in the NORTH.
Let me tell you one aspect of them that's too BAD...Their general "ba kwomi" lifestyle. Where they suppose to act, they won't and even if you talk, they will enter zombie mode.
One more thing that guy is too young to take decision and protect you when it comes to his people, because majority of them are pests which you can't be able to chase away, unless you decide to buy a land and build in another place not necessary his side, but they're always happy marrying IGBO lady(ies).
Why not talk to God more and see what He will do...
Dear Poster, so have you sorted out your self-esteem issues or the attention and romance you are getting now has masked that very powerful problem? You really need to be enough for you to love someone else rightly you know.
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me, i think you are getting way ahead of yourself. I wanna take it that your family have no qualms about inter-tribal arrangements, but even at that you are not asking the right questions.
He is a christian, he loves you...you think, but it's not enough. What is his value system like?
For a girl who left a messy relationship, you do not sound like you've done your homework well.
He is 26, still schooling, could be self-enployed, that is me being assumptive. He is young, pretty young if we want to consider the average age men settle.
Has he matured enough? i doubt you could be a good judge of that. Being a husband goes beyond paying bride price, giving constant sex, some money and attention. It's a position of leadership, which really is selflessness, sacrifice and passion. How much of a leader is he to you? Then how realistic is the next year's wedding,if it's not a gist to keep your legs open. How are your finances looking?
I sniffed relief and gratitude from your story, i didn't detect a girl who knows what she NEEDS.
All that marriage talks on the wrong foundation will bring you back with an uglier chronicle. Slow down a bit, you guys are rushing this...i hope you are not running fast to spite your ex.
I am not much of a fan of intertribal marriages...so i am not going to address your big but really small concern.
A lot of people will come give you loads of stories and share experiences, but every case is unique and this kind of story you put out...the solution is in your hands (common sense, spirit of discernment, discipline,) and God(grace and direction).
Go back and genuinely answer these questions...be true to yourself now.
Why do i want to marry?
Do i really love this guy or am i being excited that some guy sees me worthy of loving?
Do i want a marriage coz my mates are getting married and i do not want to be a "gwegz" plus the chance that another one may take a long time to come or never?
Do i want to marry this guy coz it would prove to my ex that i can move on too and someone can "value" me?
Am i ready to run a home, is this guy worth entrusting my future with, am i financially ready and emotionally capable to handle the good, okay and ugly when it comes?
What common values and interest do i share with this guy?
If you guys are already having sex....Can i trust that if i put an end to sex till marriage, this guy would still stay?
Can i be myself with this guy, Does he encourage me to be a better version of me?
What are his thoughts about my dreams and ambition, is he threatened by it, what inputs and actions has he undertaken to help me inch closer to my dreams?
Is he dependable, thoughtful, trustworthy, has a standard, ethic?
What are his friends like, who does he look up to, what about his background?
Is he ambitious, what occupies his mind, what are his goals, how realistic are his goals, what is your place in that goal?
How does he treat people, relatives and strangers alike, how does he perceive women generally?
What are his views about marriage, is he a teamplayer, does he view a relationship as a means to an end or one that can become a vehicle, a source of strength and motivation to make two people who are individually unique independently sufficient and interdependently complemented?
What are his thoughts about raising children, being a responsible member of his society, fulfilling family obligations?
What are his thoughts about money and the role of a woman in managing it, his attitude towards intimacy, giving or demanding?
Can we have a silence that isn't awkward, if we aren't making out or hanging out or chatting up or meeting friends or playing couple....would there be so many other things we would be doing together?
Answer these ones for a start before you ponder about inter-tribal marriages.
Ha
DeleteThis one long oh.
Empress have you taken the crown from me? 😂 👑
DeleteLoool @this one long oh!
DeleteWhen we were growing up my parents made it clear to my sisters and I that we can marry anyone from any tribe but we should make sure he is a Christian, the parents must accept us and we should be sure he loves us.
ReplyDeleteSo my dear make sure you pray very well till you get a vision that he is the one for you.
Secondly make sure your parents give their consent.
And lastly make sure he loves you more.
Don't be in a rush. Rush not
ReplyDeleteA boy of 26 and a girl of 24 knows nothing about marriage. It is way deeper than you think o. Just ask yourself this honest truth, r you ready to sacrifice your forever to this person. If it is yes then carry go, but make sure he is also ready to sacrifice is forever too. ☺
OK sis, I don't see anything wrong in intertribal marriage, seems both of u are Christian dat makes it easier once the love is dere
ReplyDeleteSDK...you should be a champion in this case! Your own beat tribe, enter race...advice her
ReplyDeletePoster u have to forget everything relationship now and build a carrier for urself!In other words life no easy ooo,deliverd last month to a boucing baby boy.Hubby`s job has not been constant.Can even feed my son as I don't feed well.Where are my ph angels that will bless me with food stuffs only make me and my baby fire prayer for u.Lol.Love u sdk and sDKers!
ReplyDeleteForget everything about relationship till she becomes a gwegz and beggar like u?
Delete26 & 24?????
ReplyDeleteYou both are still kids. marriage is more than putting on a ring. Your mindset has to be matured. He's even saying next year December which could be 2018 (atleast e go don gather small brain)
Having said that, there's nothing with Inter tribal marriage. I have siblings and relatives who married northerners (Yes, we are from the east too). Infact they take good care of their women.
Give it a shot when you are both READY.
Why is everyone screaming they are too young? My elder sister and her husband married when he was 27yrs.5yrs down and nobody has ever come to settle anything btw them.my dear if his ready and matured enough to handle marriage you better take the bold step.
ReplyDeleteThank you oh! I say my own 26.... both of them. And they're bouncing in the Lord 11 years plus....two kids before 30. Life goes on.
DeleteThe thing just tire me. My mum's bestfriend's first child (a girl) got married at 22 immediately after NYSC, dude was 25, now she's 28, dude is 31, and they r still waxing strong.
Delete24 is not too young abeg.
Baba God, I want to be married b4 I clock 25 abeg
Stella for your mind. So na only International marriage Abi intercontinental marriage you know about.
ReplyDeletePoster as for me I will look deep into the guy and his family as well.
Story, love ke, love ni. Allow him use his aboki prick raa gi otu then you will know how far.
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart and make sure u carry ur brain on your head like akara.God help you nne
ReplyDeleteFollow your heart and make sure u carry ur brain on your head like akara.God help you nne
ReplyDeleteThe only thing is that it's not going to be easy with family members. But, having problems in marriage? Nobody said it was going to be easy.
ReplyDeleteI'm from the east, I was with someone from the north central. They're nice people, warm and accepting, the only issues are culture issues. They're still northerners culturally and in the way they do things... If you're a gender equality proponent, you just might not fit in, also they have different views on the concepts of respect and submissiveness - no half measures, no compromises, the man's opinion is all that counts at all times, then family over everything. Wish you good luck!
ReplyDelete