STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
WHEN HUBBY AND HIS SISTER ARE BEST OF FRIENDS.
Hello Stella,
I have been married for 10 years and I have 4 kids with my husband. My husband's sister had marital issues with her hubby so she left the marriage which produced 4 kids to come and stay with us in Abuja .
She stayed in my house for 6months and during her stay ,anytime my husband is going out she must follow him,even when my husband had gone out she will call him to come and carry her to wherever she wants to go.she calls him to pick her up and follow her to buy things,they hang out together during weekends ,these are things my husband has never ever done for me.
When I was pregnant with my twins,I will beg my husband to drop me at a junction when my car was bad,he will always complain that he is a very busy man. I became independent ,I don't disturb him any longer but I was shocked when all of all sudden he became less busy when the sister was in our house.The day I delivered my twin boys I drove myself to hospital and did all the hospital errands all by myself because he was nowhere.
He doesn't hesitate to tell me that his sister is his bestie ,his closest friend and that hurts me so bad.
When I married him,he lost his job and i used my salary to pay house rent and make sure there is food in the house for him to eat .i shed blood to birth his 4 kids but he appreciates his sister more.i am close to my own sisters but my husband and kids always come first . She later moved out when she got her own apartment but anytime I call my husband ,he will be in the sisters house eating or relaxing.
I later got opportunity to travel to US to work as a nurse but his sister told him not to travel that I will kill him there!!
We quarrelled because of the sister this morning,because the sister bought a car and wants my husband to drive the car from Lagos to Abuja,I begged him that the road is bad,armed bandits are everywhere it's better to pay a driver that knows the road very well rather than him to take that risk.i even accepted to pay any driver to bring the car to Abuja so that peace will ruin.
He became so violent ,brought down our wedding picture and broke it into pieces with a big axe,this happened in front of my little kids and they are tormented right now.
Please I want to ask this question,is it right for a husband to put his sister above his family???
Am I wrong by feeling he should put his family first before the sister.
Stella,am so so depressed right now,can you post this real quick.there might be errors because I was crying while tying,I just can't sleep.
*Excuse me?you shed blood to birth his four kids?what kind of mindset is that?
You make it sound like a job....Do you tell him this all the time?...thats scary!
From this Chronicle,it looks like your relationship with your in laws is South.
The more you interfere or try to break them up,the worse this situation will become,you know why? When blood talks,it is thicker than water and sharper than a knife.
You should have your hands full with four kids and your job,please concentrate on that and let them be otherwise this might escalate and break your home.
Some men run away from a house full of kids and i guess your hubby might be one of those and his hiding place is his sisters house.Since you do not have a solution,please leave them alone and if you can ,try to cultivate a relationship with your in laws,if not then take your nose out of their business.
If you must interfere,then look for a different approach.
If you ask me to be really honest?I dont see any problem with his being Best friends with his Sister.This kind of relationship between siblings is cultivated from childhood and their parents if alive will be so happy to see that their kids are so close,you cannot break this bond so please look for new ways to handle it or let them be.
Hmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteYou need to pray. There should be a limit when marriage is involved.
ReplyDeleteThat's why God said A man shall leave his family, and clinged to his woman and they shall be 1.
Dedicate a good time for prayers. There's nothing God cannot be. He can be blinded spiritually, who knows?
Do not try to break them. Occupy your self with your kids.
You are sounding nice today and i havent notice you trolling and abusing people. The attack from doppel must have really made you ponder. Sick useless daughter of a bitch!!
DeleteIdeato dishing advise today. Is it because Dopple and bvs finished you yesterday? I can see you are struggling with English. Very obvious. Lmao
Delete@ poster I will recommend you to go watch this Indian movie (THE VOW)you will love it then you will see its just all about your husband and the sister.
ReplyDeletePoster, I would advise you to get close to his sister, you see her as a rival, she sees you as an adversary. You can let her know of what happened today, you didn't mean any harm by your suggestion and let her know you wish he gives you half the attention he gives her. This is a good path to take except there's an illicit affair between the two. You have to be smart and be a strong woman. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Fight off that depression and address the root cause, you can't force friendship with the sister but it's a healthy way to heal. He may feel you're trying to push his family away. And lastly, start saving your money, you find greener pastures, my dear you move. Your happiness lies in your hands. You were happy the day you got married, he wasn't the one who made you happy, rather it was you who by opening up to someone you felt was incredible gave you joy.
DeleteAlso, you guys can try marriage counselling and also pray together as a family.
One love
Chai this your husband is a nut case.
ReplyDeleteWhy are you shedding tears. Abeg go and drop your children with his sister, since the sister is everything to him. Your HORSEBAND is now a zombie.
I am sure his sister don use your husband head go shrine go wash. Since you dey USA, try and see if you manage and bring your children or take your children to your family and give them money to take care of them.
Abeg una dey try ooo. Sister, brother or what cannot come between me and my man
I know it's very annoying but just bear it.
ReplyDeleteHian, madam be smart, is very obvious that your husband is fucking his sister cos, how else do u explain this, plz relocate to the US with ur children so that he can marry his sister,forget war room or prayer cos this is deeper than u think, or better still give him love portion cos that's the only way u can control him, turn him into a vegetable, useless man.
ReplyDeleteU just spoke my mind
DeleteHow can you be depressed because of a man?...
ReplyDeleteDid you come into this world with your husband?...
Abeg ignore them and live your life....
I'm sure his sister has introduced a gbenshing partner to him...
Face your life and your kids!...
Get your self a side bobo and enjoy your self!...
If you die from HBP now,your children will suffer...
Shine your eyes my sister!...
Selfish wife, if you ask me.... Face your children....
DeleteIts so easy for u to open ur mouth and talk rubbish on this blog, its stella i blame for envouraging such trash n callin u her blog boo
DeleteMschew this ur advice today no be am @ all. U dint advice her well....
ReplyDeleteHis sister is using jazz on him to do whatever she teĺls him to do. I get he loves sister but putting her above his family is not normal. Pray her away from him and tell God of this closeness is not normal that he should break whateveer hold she has on your husband.
ReplyDeleteTrinity you could be right. I suspect jazz too because i cant seem to fathom out why a man could neglect his wife and kids.
DeleteTwins or no twins four children is too much.. Please go and get 10yrs coil, too many kids destroy the body.. Damn😐Holly
ReplyDeleteStfu...are you training the kids for her?
DeleteOlodo
You are fool, a big one @ that lets wait till you have one
DeleteStella what are you saying? Smh
ReplyDeletePoster, I'm trying not to think your horseband and his sister are involved romantically. Amen!
And yes ignore Stella ok? You have a right to feel the way you do. What's that? Your horseband is insensitive, very wicked and violent. Imagine using an axe to destroy your wedding photo, violent man!
Ignore him & let him go. Whatever he meets on the road is his fate. What's that sef? Horseband from hell. Who's saying he shouldn't be close to his siblings? But must he put their feelings above yours all the time? Rubbish!
Don't be jealous, some siblings r close, if u dare try to separate them, u will become an enemy, as I am, after my kids, my siblings will always come first before my mrs. If u don't like it gerrout, u can't come into my house n try to separate me from my loved ones whom I grew up with or make me forget them, them no born u well to try it.
ReplyDeleteGod please this is the exact type of person i attend morning masses so u can prevent me from meeting them. Thank you lord.
DeleteSimple! Remain single. It doesn't appear you know about marriage. Just so you know marrage isn't meant for everyone. Marriage is for the matured,committed and full of sacrifices. You can't get into marriage having your kind of mindset. By the way, I have not said being married means forgetting your immediate family. Things just need to be done in the right proportion..
DeleteSee this small boy oooh
DeleteWho will even marry you?
Go and seat down abeg...such love
DeleteI think you're married to yourself and this must have been the foundation you laid from the start during the course of your courtship.
ReplyDeleteYour husband doesn't love you and are you sure that woman is even his blood sister? Was she present at your wedding?
Something drastic has to happen to wake your husband up from this deep sleep.
He is too comfortable doing nothing because you've been silent.
You should move out with your kids if you can and I'm sure he probably wouldn't flinch or notice.
A man who is violent in front of his kids has no shame or respect for his woman.
Please do not blame yourself, you have done nothing wrong but love the wrong man.
Please go and also do family planning. 4kids is enough.
You obviously work and can manage on your own.
Go to your family and leave that man alone with his so called sister
She is obviously not a good woman reason she couldn't keep her family but divorced to ruin her brothers home because he is allowing it.
I wish you all the best and do not stay till he raises his hands on you because it will happen.
Madam, u make it sound like ur husband values his sister above u, I would like to hear ur husband version of d story cos d sister won't make dat comment about him not relocating with u for no reason.
ReplyDeleteI go with SDK advice.
ReplyDeleteTry to get close to ur in-laws.
Stella your blog visitors are ugly ooo! Shu,funny enough they are the ones that like body shaming people here, I saw them on S n M, both male and female, what that hell! Na them get choice pass o(lol) Stella And co, when next they call you ugly don't even bat an eye lid. Una set to compare to these bullies.
ReplyDeletePoster he brought down your wedding pix and pieces it with axe coz you are been too concerned about his welfare, am sorry but your husband is a psycho, next time who knows maybe it is you he will use axe on.
ReplyDeleteAre you really sure that the lady in question is her sister? Because with all you said, I am not convinced that lady is his sister o. Well.
Shey you have a job and have kids already focus on them and leave him be for the main time, stop been too caring and don't give a fuck about what he does or doesn't do.
Very soon the thing wey dey pursue go outside go pursue am come house back. 🚶🚶🚶
I hate to comment on marital issues but I will do this. Your husband is not a kid that should negkectbhis family and start running around with his sister.
ReplyDeleteWith what you wrote up there, I think there's something deep between them because your husband looks to me like a toyboy.
Just blank them and face your life, let the secret revealed itself.
*Stella, I don't agree with all what you wrote up there with your red ink .
Poster,inorder not to continually get hurt,just try to free him and concentrate on your kids.
ReplyDeleteWhen a man gets married,his wife becomes his best friend and vice versa and this friendship is cultivated because the people involved are determined to see that the marriage works.
So if you husband will neglect you and his children and complain at things you have mentioned above,pls tread carefully and let him be before the matter turns into something else.
Puhleaze.. .Whats are you talking about stella.. .You dont make sense at all
ReplyDeleteAm so astonished when I hear blood is thicker than water in a relationship of who's side to be on when it has to do with family or wife. The one that mixes the hubby and the wife together is it water? no be blood too? abegi! Madam it is wrong for your husband to love his sister more than you. Stella I totally disagree with you on this one. If he continues like this the children would learn to hate, since their father is not teaching them to love. That is how my Father was telling me not to disclose everything to my wife, cos she is water and they are blood, and I had to ask him so it is water that is connecting you and my mother abi no be blood, so that's how you ve been hiding things from our mother? Na there case finish.
ReplyDeleteI wish I can like your comment a million times
Deletei dont agree stellz i feel dat her husband does nt take out time to spend wt his fam ..if he does then she wld nt even boder nd for him to even break their oics in frnt of the kids nd nt attend to her wen she was pregnant theres more to it...madam pls concentrate in your kids nd make the best if what u av nd pls leave ur husband nd sister nd take good care of ur self nd kids
ReplyDeletePoster sorry O. May God let there be a balance so that peace will reign supreme and you home and relationship with your in laws will be a happy one.
ReplyDeleteYou married a man who had not "left his father and mother to cleave to his wife" like the good book says. So there was "no marriage" here in the first place. You have what you call
ReplyDeletemy money
My womb
my blood
My travel to the USA (was he in support?)
You left him in Nigeria to go to live in the USA (If I understand you well), that was when you left your family.
So dear, you folks were not "one" in every sense of it and this is a lesson to aspiring couples. Ladies should look well during courtship and not marry for selfish reasons. So in the marriage, you husband simply stayed where he belonged; to his former family. The best would have been to ignore them unless you are telling us that they are "lovers"; are they? The lady you mentioned just went through the stress of divorce and a lot of ladies in that situation are BITTER. Just face your kids and work and love your husband even if he does not love you because love never fails.
Stella, i dont think shes trying to break them up, apparently she can see its impossible, shes asking for him to prioritize his home first, & how easy is it for her alone to concentrate on 4kids? Twin boys for that matter.. its not a bad idea to be besties with his sister, but this is way beyond the boundary, when theyre not siamese twins seperated at birth.
ReplyDeleteTry looking the other way, and ignore them the best u can, at least youre sure its his blood sister & not a side chick... lemme read comments too.
In fact Stella, you are so correct... I feel for the poster and I understand how much you don't want anyone to come btw you two. I pray you find a good way to go about this.
ReplyDelete*If na just me...*
I disagree with you Stella. The two shall become one,that's what marriage is.if u were in the poster's shoes,would you give such advice?A man that's not ready to cleave unto his wife shouldn't bother getting married. My dear poster,as things are now, I can only ask you to pray that God brings your husband back to you and chase the intruder in your home,yes she is.no wonder she couldn't stay in her marriage,mtcheew.while praying, pls,face your kids,increase your self worth,ignore them and just perform your wifely duties.try to be best behaved around ur inlaws but don't lose urself trying to impress them or please them,just be urself. BTW,things like this happen when you don't marry a man who appreciates you,loves you and would put ur interest first.single ladies beware,marriage isn't a race,don't ignore the basics all because you want to become a Mrs. This man and his sister have no regard for core family values,watch out for families like dat,dey only see the men who married them or the wives they married as unavoidable miseries, they love their close knit too much.
ReplyDeleteO Chim!!!
ReplyDeleteSorry O poster. May God let peace reign supreme in your home and make your relationship with your in laws be a sweet and happy one.
ReplyDeleteNo marriage here lady; you want proof? Here are the lines
ReplyDeleteMy money (should be "our money"), my blood, his sister (actually my sister in law), his kids (actually "our" kids), etc.
Nice one Stella. Madam poster, if you shed blood, remember, your husband shed the almighty sperm. Now, let that sink in for a minute.
ReplyDelete#When you hate someone and even just someone mentioning their name makes ur blood boil and anger levels go from 0 to 100 in seconds*
ReplyDeleteI am disagreeing with you for the first time here.if the husband can be driving the sisters up and down why can't he carry his pregnant wife too.Haba!!! This is much naa.but why would the sister leave her marriage to come and torment d brother wife.breaking marriage picture because of her self.madam it's complicated,just pray Shaaa
ReplyDeleteYou should thank God his bestie is his sister and not a side chick. Stop being jealous, ignore them and he will be the one looking for your attention.
ReplyDeleteMadam stop chasing your husband away, cos u nag tooooo much. Haba, what kind of woman r u that will not give your husband rest of mind in his own house, u r too troublesome what else do you want, u have 4 children from God and a good job.
ReplyDeleteSorry about your plight
ReplyDeleteBut words fail me
Take heart
Stella u didnt read the part he broke their wedding pix with an axe infront of the kids! Isnt that extreme. Thats a very symbolic gesture. Poster i feel u both never loved each other from day one and the marriage was a result of a hook up by friend or acquintance and u ended up together at a time where u both felt you had no other choice. Your husband clearly doesnt want you anymore. My question is, has he always been like this? If yes then i cant say its spiritual manipulations. Im not married so i dont know what to advice you do.
ReplyDeletePoster you are not telling us the truth.
ReplyDeleteYou just want to make your husband to turn his back on his family but the God he is serving made him wiser than you.
They have been living like that before you marry him and you think that you can break that bond over night? You failed inugo.
We Igbos always say that "ogoli ma obi di ya na adi ka oji ogwu jide di ya" (meaning = any woman that knows the heart of her husband always appear as if she tied him down with charms)
Apply that to your marriage and see that your family will be blissful.
God bless your union and home.
NB: I did not say you should go to babalawo oooo.
Poster you are not telling us the truth.
ReplyDeleteYou just want to make your husband to turn his back on his family but the God he is serving made him wiser than you.
They have been living like that before you marry him and you think that you can break that bond over night? You failed inugo.
We Igbos always say that "ogoli ma obi di ya na adi ka oji ogwu jide di ya" (meaning = any woman that knows the heart of her husband always appear as if she tied him down with charms)
Apply that to your marriage and see that your family will be blissful.
God bless your union and home.
NB: I did not say you should go to babalawo oooo.
Stella, your advice is very good. If marry now, i dont see my wife interfering between me and my immediate sister. NEVER!
ReplyDeleteLoooool! And I'm sure your red tie willl not interfer as well.
DeleteSee ya head! Who wan marry you sef?
Atutuboyoyo
Are u sure ull even get married with your kind of face?
DeleteChai,this story is so bad but I feel you have not narrated your own actions well too,your husband can't just break your wedding pix just because you gave him advice calmly not controlling him.my dear a virtues woman rules her husband by obedience,they way you handle things determines the result you will get when it comes to men though there are rare cases shaa,but if you respect your hubby, he will listen to anything you say without knowing it.what do I know sef,
ReplyDeletePoster please dont interfer in his relationship with his sister, if u cnt tk it anymore move out for a bit n gather ursef together bt please remove ur eye from him n his sisters relationship. Im sure u r tinking there is more to it than just sibling love bt for ur own peace of mind, stop asking him wer he goes or his return. Face ur work n ur kids please
ReplyDeleteAre you sure he's not sleeping with her? The world has gone haywire so anything is possible
ReplyDeleteStella! He runs away from house of kids? The sister no get kids? 4 kids for that matter! So his nieces and nephews deserve more love than his own family? Fear God when you dey give advice oh
ReplyDeleteMadam Poster ignore them and make yourself happy please, no man is worth being depressed about?
Stella i disagree with you on this one. Yes! They are siblings and yes they should be besties and all but there is a limit to that biko. I have brothers that i am very close to but i will never interfere in their lives and marriage like this! It's not fair to the wife
ReplyDeleteWhen a man gets married, he leaves his parents and siblings to go make his own family. So therefore, his wife and kids comes first before anyone else.
I realize there are three sides to a story but if all the poster wrote here is the truth and nothing but the truth, then i'm compelled to say her husband might be under the influence of something dangerous. Courtesy of his dear sister.
Madam have you prayed over this? Have you talked to your pastor about all this? Have you called your in lawz to tell them all that has been happening in your home? You need prayers seriously cos i don't think your husband in his right senses.
Most importantly.. madam i hope you don't nag him? I hope you're not disrespectful? Doing both might've contributed in pushing him out into the welcoming arms of his sister... If you do both, please stop right now
Call him and talk to him, you both should go for couple's therapy if possible. And for the mean time, focus all your attention on your kids while you pray for him. Hugss
Try to make your sister in law your best friend too! Go visiting often buy her kids nice things and we will all be fine
ReplyDeleteFor what? Cos she doesn't have friends?
DeletePls poster ignore them and move to the states.
Poster you should be grateful that your husband is close to his sister,not some kind of side chick.
ReplyDeleteOgu ka oram na onu
Stella your opinion no jell at all,what did you type self, do you know what it means to put to bed with your husband not in sight? We are so close in my family, damn close, but we don't damage each others lives(yes damage) that woman feels bad she is in a loveless marriage, I had a neighbor like her husband, anytime I see the wife, I feel very bad, bestie wetin sef? Your wife should be your bestie, even the holy Bible acknowledged it, THEY ARE ONE, the mofo hate multiple kids, who send him marriage? Poster you see your life? because of the man you didn't travel again, if the opportunity is Still open travel and bring your kids over, if it closed, try it again, life is too short to be with an efulefu , no idiot should come and type these your everyday lines 'stella is right, I agree with Stella.
ReplyDeleteEven if them close e no mine say him go put him sister first before him family. Na so them been close wen she been still dey with her husband? Why she leave her husband in the first place? Madam just try bone your husband small and make the sister fin another man soon
ReplyDeleteGet closer to his sister, hence u will use her to get close and get ur hubby attention... Don't try to cause fight, something might v happened to them when younger hence breeding the strong bond.. Don't make d sister ur enemy I repeat..and also pray more.. It is well.
ReplyDeleteStella pray for this kind of dilemma not to be your portion. What kind of closeness is that, there is this saying that too much of everything is not good.
ReplyDeletePoster my advice to you is you alone can make your self happy, as long as there is no domestic violence, just try as much as to be busy, after all you have your hands full with kids, take care of them, take them out, give your husband less attention for now, maybe you should bond more with your own siblings, when he sees that you don't really have his time again, I bet you, he will be the one looking for your attention unless there is another side chick which isn't the case here from your narrative.
The Lord is your strength, make him your pillar.
Your husband is not mature enough. (my own opinion) A married person is not supposed to choose anybody whether his dad, mum or sister over his wife even the Bible confirms so. You are not wrong to feel that way but since he is doing that already, my advice to you, focus on your kids and yourself for now, don't try to interfere with whatever he tries to do with his sister, continue your duty as a mother and wife, never relenting.
ReplyDeleteSummary: Hand over everything to God, don't stop loving him and showing his family love, be a strong woman that you have been knowing that one-day,he will come to realise what he has been doing.
if you keep trying to interfere bw him and his sister, it might have a terrible effect on your marriage.
Stella, like seriously!
ReplyDeleteHmmm
ReplyDeletePoster what do you mean you shed blood, is the kids not for both of you?. Pls change that mind set
As your hubby and the sister close pls take your mind off it. If you love your self and kids concentrate on them and you. If your new opportunity allow you to take your kids along pls do. Why killing your self in a Bro and sis relationship when you know you cant break them up
My sis inlaw is very close to my hubby, she has problem with her marriage and move to my house to live . Do you know she will only bath in my bathroom , wash her pants and dry where I dry mine , always washing cloths everyday with washing machine thereby wasting myour soap. I toldon't hubby I don't want her to bath in my bathroom again , don't want her to wash everyday bcos my persil detergent does not last upto a month again. My boo said he can't tell her all this my complain I should do it myself . I said ok
I told a friend of mine all this and she said it will make her feel bad and I will be in her bad book.
I decided to ask God to give me wisdom on how to deal with her , I started by locking my bedroom, I cook food that it will be enough for me, my book, her and son, no more excess, I stop buying persil detergent to wash cloths , I stop so many things
Without qurrel or fight she got her own two bedroom flat and move out , I bought her gas cooker , my book bought her tv.
Did I say she will not watch TV in the sitting room but my bedroom, I remove the tv to the other room .it was silent treatment with love .
My dear we are best of friends, she know her limit in my place but I didn't bother to turn his Bro against her bcos I wont any gal to cause problems BTW me and my younger brothers
Ask God for wisdom and directions
Good luck
Nne calm down. Try to make the sister your friend ok? He might be thinking you don't like his family hence your action. Again you know the sister had family issue, he might be trying to fill the vacuum. Come closer to the sister, you will see things turning around for good.
ReplyDeleteLeave him alone and do not make matter worse.
ReplyDeleteHe would realize it very soon.
So because his wife and four kids are disturbing him he should run to his sisters house who also has four kids Ba. Stella this your advice get bow leg.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmm... Let me read comments.
ReplyDeleteThough I don't agree with all Stella wrote up there, here's my2cents.
ReplyDeleteDealing with spouse siblings especially when your partner put them before you is exhausting. I personally I believe life is in phases and marriage is a time families should let couples build their lives together. Your primary responsibility should be that of your immediate family.
I understand your feeling, and you must talk to your hubby how you feel and above all MAKE FRIEND WITH THE SIS; that way the 3 of you roll together.
Good luck!
*i personally believe
DeleteStella how can you support this kinda thing abeg? It's not right at all. How can the horseband be very selfless when it comes to his own family? Abeg leave brother and sister bond,poster make your findings and be sure there ain't more than meets the eye. I understand going outta your way to satisfy your sister but your kids and wife nko? Pls be sharp about this,and also be prayerful cos the devil comes in different ways to break homes.
ReplyDeleteWow, he brought down the wedding picture and broke it with a large axe. I feel bad for you. Somehow, you missed an important part of his personality in your courtship days. Your hubby belongs to the archaic set of men who put their siblings above the family they "created". His loyalty is with them, his type never grasp the leave and cleave message or portion of their vows.
ReplyDeleteThey never view marriage in that reasonable sense of teammates and everyother person coming second. Terrible aspect of this mindset is men like these are prone to extreme manipulation by their siblings. They get so brainwashed till something terrible happens to them and everyone deserts them or, when they grow old and realise that they have been slaving for people who will answer their father's name, while they ignored their own for years.
Your hubby is over-compensating for the manly lack in his siter's life. Whatever "suffering" they went through while young does not justify this behaviour at all. I find that sister-in law of yours very repulsive for her selfish and crafty moves. So she's lost her hubby and must break yours to satisfy her lowkey sadistic urge. Dear poster, you do have reasons to be angry.
However, going physically ballistic will not help your case at all. Do not consider moving in with ike n'ebube to stop this perceived nonsense. In this situation, you have to stoop to conquer. This is going to be terribly hard, but you need to act a fool for a while. Reduce your expectations about your hubby and his roles towards you. Allow him do what he wants with his sister. Feed that lady's ego....call her often, ask about her welfare, send bible passages, pay maximum lip service, ask for traditional recipes even when you know it, maintain some level of cordiality, joke about her being the second wife and when hubby isn't around, call and jokingly ask if her brother, not your husband is there. Temporarily relinquish control...it's not going to be for long. Wear out her bitterness and give her no chance to find fault in you that will further be used to strain your home.
Now while you do the above....gosh, i feel choked on your behalf at the hardwork and famzing that you will happen.
Go to God in prayer, she might be a sibling...But your prayer range will equal that of one seeking to spiritually paralyze a side chick who has Hiv ,with assassins at her disposal and a plan to kill your children.....that sort of aggressive type. This interfernce is not God approved so go all out spiritually. Table your pains and hurt to God....he wants to change the story, but you need to invite him to take charge of your home. Fast and pray...relinquish all authority over your marriage to him. Invoke the powers of a wife, ask him to change your hubby's mindset towards your marriage, to change his priorities and for him to receive grace to balance his loving....so he can love you as his life partner and do right by his primary family.
Forgive your sister-inlaw and ask God to forgive the "just animosity" you feel. Eradicate the negative thoughts,find peace within yourself, ask for a bigger heart and a sensible understanding range. Ask for wisdom, for favour, for grace...like Queen Esther did. Ask God to arrest her, change her evil thoughts and neutralize the abnormal hold she has on hubby. Pray for the right kind of busy to find her, ask God to give her the grace to find happiness and self-sufficiency outside her brother...pray same for you as well. Thank God for your marriage, for soundhealth, preservation and provisions. People have it way worse.
Chin up and kill the depression.
You will be fine....sending e-sunshine and roses your way.
May heaven increase you in wisdom. Couldn't have said it any better
Delete#10k kisses to u
May God bless you. You are so right please dear poster ignore Stella's advice and follow this one .
DeleteMadam d part where u said ur husband comes first before your sisters, got me really mad. Learn 2 b Lyk ur husband, yur sisters are suppose 2 come first before him. I can't imagine me putting a man before my sister. It can never happen, our bond is just 2 strong, poster learn 2 be Lyk ur husband oo..go and bond with ur sisters and leave him alone.
ReplyDeleteSDK you harsh oooo... I kinda understand where she's coming from... She just wish she could also get all the love and care as well don't think she's trying to break their bond. My advice to u poster is just try and talk to ur hubby and pls do it in a systematic way and also choose the words you use carefully so it won't be you trying to break the relationship BTW him and his sis plus don't always interfere in their matter. #queenmaya#
ReplyDeleteStella I beg to differ please. If he is running away from a house filled with four kids, what sense lies in running to his sister who also has four kids? Poster, there is nothing normal about your husband breaking your wedding picture in the presence of your kids simply because you guys were having an argument. Your SIL is spiritually manipulating your hubby for reasons best known to her. I'll advice you to go on your knees and cry to God cos he's the only one who can, before you are sent packing out of your husband's house.
ReplyDeleteBloody jealous house wife as you is now!!!!! no scartter people family. leave them alone madam competitor.your story is too one sided you want people to feel sorry for you and call your husband a wicked man isnt?Kwantinue!..i pray make no man marry your type of wife!! AMEN.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like the SIL..
DeleteAbegiiiii stand straight with ur stupid comment
DeleteWas the closeness between them existing before now or did you just notice it? Anything is possible in this crazy world so I'm here thinking in another direction.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, my advise is that you concentrate on your children. I'm sure you aren't giving those kids atyention but worrying over your husband. Give them your attention. Go out with them, take them on a treat, talk to them, go to the movies or do some shopoing together, have fun with them, get them to make you their besties. Your children are supposed to be your joy and major concern for now. Don't let them slip out. If you have a job or run a business, my dear, FOCUS! You will gradually forget your husband's behavior. Stop giving yourself high bp over him cos if you die, sweetie, he will marry another wife and continue his life. Life goes on.
You are responsible for your happiness. Whether you choose to be happy or not is entirely up to you.
Ngwa bye!
Poster take your mind off him if you want to live long for your children.No one is saying he should not be close to his sister but if u value a woman that is your blood why not look at the one your married to be half your blood and treat her almost like you treat your sister (the 1 you value. why didnt the sister manage her home and endure like you cause that is what you have been doing.She want to break yours since hers could'nt stay.live him to enjoy his sister don't disturb him again, advise, love, respect, give opinion when necessary and don't force it.luv your children more and remember they will be left alone if you think or let any harm come to you through thought etc...love yourself.
ReplyDeleteStella,i do not agree with your red pen......there should be a line.......one should not affect the other.
ReplyDeleteThank you ooo. I real man should be able to clearly show where his responsibility to his sibling and parents ends an where that of his immediate begins
DeleteDis is a one sided story. I'm very sure u are a nagging wife and your husband takes solace in his sisters place. You nagged him even to d extent of him being filled with rage and ended up using an axe 2 smash your wedding pics. Madam Pls change your ways, I'm sure d fault is from u.
ReplyDeleteI really don't know why men I like this.Why should your wife be Secondary in your life?this is really not fair.
ReplyDeleteStella he can be best friends with his sister but he should know his duties as a husband and father, he has practically neglected his wife and is playing the role of a husband to his sister, she's hurt about that and its absolutely normal
ReplyDeleteThere's nothing wrong with being close with a sibling, but from the narration given above, everything is so wrong.Nevertheless, concentrate on ur children and job.Ignore him as if he doesn't exist. Don't let this steal ur peace. Wish u the best.
ReplyDeletePoster, you don't really have any problem, don't try to create one for yourself.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong in your husband being closed to his sister. I laughed when i read the line; that you shed blood birthing his children, are the children not yours as well? Please, concentrate in taking good care of your children.
You are trying to break the bond between your husband and his sister, when you're suppose to be creating a perfect one between your kids. Your husband does not hate you, you said he broke your wedding picture, i believe you said something bad, instead of him hitting you; he transferred the anger on the photo frame.
My dear poster, try and calm your kids, explain to them that daddy was upset and that such thing will never repeat itself again and please, avoid arguing with your husband in the presence of the kids. Learn to raise your kids in a serene environment, so they can grow up right. If you want to have a discussion with your husband, don't raise voice, talk to him calmly and i believe he will realised that he has not been paying you the attention you truly deserve. Please don't nagged him.
Occupy yourself with your kids and your job, also don't forget to always give yourself a good treat, go for a tea, coffee or drink alone with your lady friends; before you know it, your husband will start missing you and will want to go for a date.
See this mrs Romas o..i still remember your omugwo chronicle, how you condenmed your SIL because of her weight. Ordinary weight o, and here you are dishing advice you cant take because you havent walk in the poster's shoe.
DeleteIf it were you your husband was treating like this, you would give me a pat on the back abi. Because stella wrote nonsense, you too must follow write nonsense!
All of you shouting there's nothing wrong have definitely seen first hand what this feels like.
DeleteMy cousin is going through similar case, to the extent that the sil openly told her nothing can separate her and her bro(cousin's hubby) cos na she suck bobby remain for am.
From the physical abuse from his sisters in her hubby's presence to verbal abuse my dear I can't deal abeg
Give Nigerians allow and they will take allowance
It is good to be close to your sister. I suspect they maybe f*cking . If yu can afford it send spy after them and you will thank me.
ReplyDeleteOh No Dis is too much.......
ReplyDeleteU Need God intervention
Stella na. Don't you think you are being harsh trying to convey your message to her. Easy sweetie.
ReplyDeleteI mean who wouldn't complain, try put your self in her shoes. Mehn! It's killing to know your hubby does not appreciate or sacrifice a little for you and his kids.
Oh yes! It's not bad trying to be close/closer to his sister but DH should try extend such niceness' to wifey as well. C'mon, every woman yearns for her Man's love and affection not to talk of her kids dad.
Poster, just to let peace reign in your house and to avoid unnecessary stress on you, just let them be. Concentrate on your job and kids. Do not stop loving and caring for him. But have you thought of talking calmly to him. I mean, try and communicate your feelings, maybe, just maybe the sister is going through a tough one in life hence his closeness to her.
It's obvious your husband doesn't love you with this character of his. It's a pity though.
ReplyDeleteIf I may ask, why did you guys get married at first? Or did he suddenly change?
Don't fight him over this, don't tell him he prefers his sister to you, don't talk about his sister, talk sweetly to him, make him more attracted to being with you and the kids, make him pay visits and enjoy himself, don't pick up arguments, things will get corrected
ReplyDeleteAuntie Stella for today me the great anonymous beg to disagree strongly with you right now am having some issues cos my only brother came to spend time with us cos he is on holiday he gets jealous of everything around me including my brother but am not bothered cos he also did same when my nephew of 10 years came around but you see I don't think am half as close as the relationship described then it becomes mind burging and then I will agree with my hubby. But on this 1 I agree with the poster his closeness to his sister is annoying it's OK for them to be close but there should be moderation or he should do same or more for his wife. Poster this is a tricky situation I think you should pray 4 God's help to put a little gap between them not separate them but he's mind should return to u more. Then please try and avoid quarrelling nd nagging him over this matter for your own peace find a way to accommodate it. Cos it's hard getting a total win on this matter cos the subject is blood the same way I love my family alot but I try not to put them 1st.
ReplyDeleteAuntie Stella for today me the great anonymous beg to disagree strongly with you right now am having some issues cos my only brother came to spend time with us cos he is on holiday he gets jealous of everything around me including my brother but am not bothered cos he also did same when my nephew of 10 years came around but you see I don't think am half as close as the relationship described then it becomes mind burging and then I will agree with my hubby. But on this 1 I agree with the poster his closeness to his sister is annoying it's OK for them to be close but there should be moderation or he should do same or more for his wife. Poster this is a tricky situation I think you should pray 4 God's help to put a little gap between them not separate them but he's mind should return to u more. Then please try and avoid quarrelling nd nagging him over this matter for your own peace find a way to accommodate it. Cos it's hard getting a total win on this matter cos the subject is blood the same way I love my family alot but I try not to put them 1st.
ReplyDeleteMadam let me tell you from my own side, my husband has a little sister who lived with him when he was a bachelor, she got married and they remain like glue, most times she tell me things I feel I should know b4 her but I never mind. I quickly married myself to her. I tell her so many things mostly lies and when hubby hears from her he gets angry, gradually he started withdrawing from her and tell me something b4 the sister and warns me not to tell, That is how I stylishly personalized my husband
ReplyDeleteWise Woman
DeleteStella I don't agree with your advice. Seriously did you even read this story well before posting? I doubt cause you said he might be running from a house full of children but his sister also have same number of children. Dear poster pls Dat kind of relationship with his sister is not healthy at all. Pls be prayerful and stay out of there way it can be painful but trust me it will help you and your children.I have been in your shoes before Dat would be story for another day. Pls right now just put him in prayer and focus on your children and make sure you have savings personally for your self and your children.
ReplyDeleteWhat???? Stella,did u say some men run away from a house full of kids? Did she impregnate herself??? Be reasonable pls!
DeleteChei!!! what a wicked wife.
ReplyDeleteStella I don't agree with your advice. Seriously did you even read this story well before posting? I doubt cause you said he might be running from a house full of children but his sister also have same number of children. Dear poster pls Dat kind of relationship with his sister is not healthy at all. Pls be prayerful and stay out of there way it can be painful but trust me it will help you and your children.I have been in your shoes before Dat would be story for another day. Pls right now just put him in prayer and focus on your children and make sure you have savings personally for your self and your children.
ReplyDeleteStella am not in support of what just wrote there!how do u mean sef? A woman's bestie is surposed to the the husband n vice versa.pls I understood what she meant by shedding blood while giving birth to her kids,not like, it was like a job to her!which blood is thicker than the one, that gave birth for u,u made some vows to....that her sis inlaw is a wicked somebody...imagine her dedicating wheather her brother should follow the wife or not?she wants her brother to have a broken home like hers...n to u the poster,u shld b happy that ur hubby is close to her sister instead of sidechic,eat n relax in her house instead of one those annoying mistresess,pls like Stella had said, concentrate on ur work n children,then mayb stil keep praying for ur husband,cos I know as long as it is the sister that is involved here not a sidechic,he will come around,*aku fee chaa, odalu awo*buh breaking ur wedding pix....hmmmmmm,are u sure ,u are that nice?,pls b a better wife n stop nagging....mayb stil report Huby to someone's he listens to...
ReplyDeleteStella, this your advice is not right at all! Hian and you are a woman.
ReplyDeleteStella for this your advice, May Almighty God keep blessing you. You don't get it right for me all the time but you see this one? God bless you Ma'am.
ReplyDeleteStupid excuse of a man! Why wont you applaud stella. This is definitely something you can do if you are not already doing it. A man neglecting his wife and kids is good abi? May God give you a terrible wife who will deal with you.
DeleteNwa mummy alert
DeleteHello writer, You sound really hurt and its understandable. That was a very unruly thing for your husband to do, especially in front of your kids. C'mon!
ReplyDeleteYou however also have the tone of a woman with a huge sense of entitlement. You do not have to spell out in words what you did and did not do for your husband and kids. Any person who knows, knows!...Even a blooming relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend will take a toll on both parties, if they want to make it work. So please dear, your 4 beautiful and healthy kids are enough evidence that effort has been put into your marriage. If you keep reminding your man about how righteous you are, and all the good you've done, it will only make things worse. But i kinda understand, when we feel hurt and betrayed we tend to lay our all we ever did not to deserve that kind of treatment.
Your husband is also at fault though, he seems to be very emotionally unstable. Something must be bothering him. As Stella mentioned, he might just be avoiding the home front for some reasons. Did you pressure him to have the number of kids you currently have? Is he experiencing financial difficulties?
Your sister in-law seems like a very bitter and inconsiderate person. Sorry, but you have to treat her with love. That's the only way you can have peace of mind and perhaps even get involved in their intimate relationship. Dont fake it though! Just try as much a as possible, by Gods grace of course to genuinely love her. She probably knows more about your husband than you do, his sweet spots and the likes.
Well only you truly know where the problem lies. Sorry, im sure it hurts so bad. Always remember to trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, leaning not on your own understanding. WHO HOLDS THE MASTER KEY?? JEHOVAH JEHOVAH JEHOVAH HOLDS THE MASTER KEY!
Cheers love!
Hello writer, You sound really hurt and its understandable. That was a very unruly thing for your husband to do, especially in front of your kids. C'mon!
ReplyDeleteYou however also have the tone of a woman with a huge sense of entitlement. You do not have to spell out in words what you did and did not do for your husband and kids. Any person who knows, knows!...Even a blooming relationship between boyfriend and girlfriend will take a toll on both parties, if they want to make it work. So please dear, your 4 beautiful and healthy kids are enough evidence that effort has been put into your marriage. If you keep reminding your man about how righteous you are, and all the good you've done, it will only make things worse. But i kinda understand, when we feel hurt and betrayed we tend to lay our all we ever did not to deserve that kind of treatment.
Your husband is also at fault though, he seems to be very emotionally unstable. Something must be bothering him. As Stella mentioned, he might just be avoiding the home front for some reasons. Did you pressure him to have the number of kids you currently have? Is he experiencing financial difficulties?
Your sister in-law seems like a very bitter and inconsiderate person. Sorry, but you have to treat her with love. That's the only way you can have peace of mind and perhaps even get involved in their intimate relationship. Dont fake it though! Just try as much a as possible, by Gods grace of course to genuinely love her. She probably knows more about your husband than you do, his sweet spots and the likes.
Well only you truly know where the problem lies. Sorry, im sure it hurts so bad. Always remember to trust in the Lord with ALL your heart, leaning not on your own understanding. WHO HOLDS THE MASTER KEY?? JEHOVAH JEHOVAH JEHOVAH HOLDS THE MASTER KEY!
Cheers love!
It is really hummm. In as much as it is painfull try to ignore them, give silent treatment and concentrate on your kids and job. Pele
ReplyDeletePoster please this is a big issue. Like a really big issue. Your man is boy available for you but available for his sister? Stella said some men shy away from house with plenty children, doesn't the sister have same number of children you have?
ReplyDeletePlease follow this issue well. What do you mean he was no where to be found the day you gave birth. You better call him out on this behaviour or temporary separate from him and return to him when he knows your worth.
Better travel to America for your job and don't cancel it because or a man who doesn't put you first. A man should be close to his wife and children before sisters. Because his wife and children are his world. His sister should go and look for another man and make her world and not interfere with yours. Sister inlaw like this are very dangerous. Imagine her saying you will kill him in USA...
So you mean the very busy man now isn't busy? You better add prayer to it because some people are devilish. She light have jazzed him so she can have total control of him. Families do that to them selves
Enter your comment...Stella this your advice is very wrong. Try to put yourself in her shoes. madam you need the wisdom of God to handle this situation
ReplyDeleteStella I don't think I agree with parts of your opinion. You see, when a man takes a wife, she and their children should become his number one priority. From the posters story, her husband is doing things he'd never done for her for his sister. That's not fair, at all. As for her minding her business, what If she'd minded her business and allowed her husband make the risky abuja - lagos - abuja trip, and something happened to him? Won't she end up a widow? Why should a man have to 'escape' from a house filled with HIS KIDS?? I don't get it. Dear poster please stay strong, I know it could be really difficult but try. Focus on yourself and your kids; create fun activities for yourself and them. That's all you can do - be happy. Ok?
ReplyDeleteStalla abeg, too much of everything is bad. No one is asking him to break off with his sisters, but he should also consider his wife abeg.
ReplyDeleteWhy must he be the one to drive from Lagos to Abuja?
Biko don't make it sound like the lady is asking for what isn't hers.
You must be a very crazy woman
ReplyDeleteYour husband's sister just separated from her husband so obviously your husband is there for her so she doesn't start feeling lonely. He has different types of love for both of you. Your husband is your husband, why are you feeling jealous that he is showing affection to his sister? Instead of you to find a way and reach out to your sister-inlaw at this time. No wonder she prefers to hang out with her brother than put up with your craziness.
You must be a bold control freak too
So if he brings back her car, of all cars on the road, armed robbers would choose that car to rob? Your fear then was not because of armed robbers, it is just that you hate him doing things for his sister.
Look woman
Your sister-in-law was in a bad place and needed someone to be there, you refused to be there for her, when your husband volunteered to be, you out of nowhere got a job to go abroad so your husband would not be there for her. Sister-in-laws can be a pain in the ass but in this situation, woman, you need to pull yourself together and start acting like a wife. Wives do not count what they do for their husband. Stop trying to complicate situation and start rebuilding your family.
You are an emotional, crazy ass, bold control freak who needs to put herself in order.
A wise woman on realizing how the husband is close to the sister would befriend the sister-in-law, bring her kids over to the sister-in-law's house all the time since your husband likes to go there too, try to reconcile the sister-in-law with her ex-husband if it's just a little issue that separated them. Always speak good of her. Take her to functions, introduce her to good women that she can be friends with subtly. There is a way to win a man's heart where the sister/mother is involved and you can.
All these your gra gra would get you divorced from your husband in a twinkle of an eye.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
On behalf of the poster, you are are very silly person.
DeleteWhy didn't she carry her loads to her parents house?
Pls honey, don't let her ruin your home like she has ruined hers.
ReplyDeleteShe has used your hubby to replace hers.
Stella don't forget the bible said the two shall become one. Pls, you are not over reacting.
If marriage easy why she no make her own work?
DeleteStella, for her to drive to the hospital to give birth when there is a capable husband = shedding blood to give birth too.
ReplyDeleteAre you supposed to be closer to your sister than your own wife whc Bible commands such, no matter what.
Stella, allow your sister in-law to have your OWN husband na.
That sister is just a home wrecker who couldn't even keep her own home.
Shame! Shame! Shame!
Imagine giving excuse for a man to run away from the same children he pumped into that woman. Irresponsiblity. Instead of learning to adjust to fatherhood.
Go and watch war room or drink coconut oil as 'bvns' would advise.
ReplyDeleteYou are lucky it's the sister and not some ex girlfriend or concubine.
Try and be close to the sister.
STELLA EAT SHIT. What kind of stupid advice is this
ReplyDeleteSame reason I prayed to God not to give me a man with plenty sisters. After dating a man with 8 sisters and I see weeen my eye clear.
DeleteGod answered my prayers o and blessed me with a man with all brothers. Guys understand respect
Haba Stella, na wah for this ur advice O. Who wouldn't be jealous if her husband gives his sister more attention than his wife. I don't know what to tell u other than to be more friendly with his sister. Possibly that can help bring u n ur husband closer. since she is his bestie, try n join the bestie gang with them as well.
ReplyDeleteYou need to get closer to Ur inlaws honestly and here is an advice to anyone who wants to keep his/her intact never to leave your spouse behind while you go and live abroad, that's the beginning to the end such relationship/marriage. I've learnt something in life so far, I fought my sister because of my woman but today that woman is about leave me the 3rd time. The reason why your husband is attending to his sister's call is because of the childhood love btw them and he's trying to protect you from his sister seeing you as the reason why he can't attend to her calls. Build your bond with his sister and you need to save your marriage, appologize to Ur husband. He loves you
ReplyDelete1. Your husband does have his priorities messed up cos you should come first in his life, followed by your 4 kids and then any other person.
ReplyDelete2. This could be because he is ignorant or he has simply chosen to relegate you and the kids.
3. Either way, always remembet that he is an adult and therefore free to chart the course of his life.
4. You are also an adult and you are equally free to chart the course of your life.
5. Using that freedom, you can choose to seek to control him, fight him and be depressed about the whole situation OR you can choose to focus on making your home heaven on earth (as far as circumstances allow it) by forgiving him, accepting that nasty part of him, focusing on your 4 kids, your career, your spirituality, rendering humanitarian service to as many as you can etc.
6. There is so much beauty around you. Take away your eyes and mind from the ugly and focus on the beauty. Shalom.
Stella I beg to differ with you .
ReplyDeleteU lack emphathy . It would help , if before typing u put urself in both shoes .. and say how would I fee if this was me .
1. Her husband CANNOT be seeking solace in his sisters house , because remeber like him , she also has 4 kids ..her house would be as rowdy as his . So what do u mean ? Why can't he also stay at his ?
2 . How would the husband feel if his wife had the same relationship with her own brother . Is always at his house , and values her brother's opinion over that of her husband . Won't u frown at that ? Would u have advised they be left alone ? NO, family ... NUCLEAR comes first . Always . Blood is thicker than water ... but now the man and his wife have been bonded by more than blood . They are married
3. How could u miss where his sister wants him to drive from Lagos to Abuja , why would the hubby even take that decision without first consulting his wife ?
4. Why does he place his sister over the mother of his kids? Something is def wrong there . I've been in relationships where this one guy took me over his own mother ... my opinion weighed more ...he saw me as his other half ... talk less of a sister .
Madam I'm sorry you going through this. - I'm sad u had to go birth ur twins by urself . I don't however support u leaving the country and ur four kids for greener pastures . Pls stop. It's not ur responsibility to take on that burden .
Having said that , ur only option the way I see it , is to get close to his sister . Yep ... I know ... no other choice . Befriend her , start small .. call her , check up on her kids ..maybe u'd be able to influence ur hubby through d sister . Use their bond to ur advantage. If u play ur game right , instead of complaining to ur hubby , ud do that to his sister instead and she would fight ur battles for you.
The only other option is to create a rift within them . That would take much more time , cunning and energy .
Good luck
Best comment ever!
DeleteGreat
ReplyDeleteStellla I'm shocked at your statement! Like the other person said, you truly lack empathy ! Lord!
DeleteI really don't think ur telling d whole truth
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with being friends with his sister but that doesn't mean he shldn't create time for his family too. He shld be able to balance the equation without causing any grudge or fight.
ReplyDeleteU better find a way to be friends with ur sister inlaw! Mumu nagging woman
ReplyDeleteI wanted to scream incest, but then i realized i'm from an extremely close knitted family.
ReplyDeleteNobody can come inbetween my siblings and i and my husband understands that fact. He's even close to my siblings too and calls them when the need arises.
Get close to your sister in law. love her like you love your family and you will see a huge difference. I'm sure you have been giving her face that is why she avoids you and mentions to your husband that you will kill him if he travels.
you sound like a nagging wife sef.
Madam poster, work on your attitude/mindset and you will enjoy your marriage.
Siblings should be close. No one is contesting that. However, when they get married, priorities should change. The nuclear family becomes a priority. You need to put into consideration your wife and kids, first.
ReplyDeleteNo one should be made to feel deprived of care or attention. It's bad for any relationship.
Why should a man want to run away from a house full of his own kids? For how long will he run? Did you also note where she mentioned his violent streak, acting up in front of the kids?
Poster, it's well with you. Keep calm and tell him your fears. Then pray.
Uhmm. This doesn't sound right. There's a missing link there's something you left out because this character your husband displays is out of frustration from something you must have done in the past. Just saying.
ReplyDeleteDear Stella I disagree with you.
ReplyDeleteDear poster I thought I was the only one with sister inlaw issues. My hubby is the last born and his elder sister still takes him as his house boy. He drives her to the market etc. We don't even live together o. Hmm. She tells him what to do in our house. At a point it felt as if she was running our house. We had a massive quarrel about something relating to her and I got fed up. I asked him to leave and marry his sister! And I meant it. I was ready for anything. He came to his senses I guess. But he still does his houseboy stuff codedly o. I pretend not to know though. His sister is someone in a good position to get him a job, but she prefers him jobless so he can continue running errands for her. My dear,just calm down for them but you also have to pray though. It's well. Just had to type this bcoz the matter dey my side too. Much love sis
Stella please I dnt quite agree with you here, did you read the part where she said her hubby has never done any of those things for her? the man is insensitive, even if you want to be close to your sister , must you do so to the detriment of your wife and home? he is so busy when it comes to her but always have time for his sister, to me this is trash, what is bad is bad abeg, its unfortunate that she cant talk to his family cos they wud obviously take sides with him, she shud just keep busy with her kids and her work and hope for the best, if i am her, i would travel to the US wit my kids alone, he can start fucking his sister if he pleases, nonsense and Stella the sister too has 4 kids so he cant be running from his home cos of his own 4 kids..
ReplyDeleteStella I dnt agree to what U said. A man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife i.e d wife becomes his priority. Dey are one flesh so Hw will u leave ur flesh and get close to another flesh. Yes she ought to accommodate his family and be friends with them. Making ur wife ur best friend does not stop d closeness or relationship among siblings. Its so unfortunate that most men like to learn d hard way becos nobody will stand by U through all situations of life like ur wife. D bible is complete one flesh cannot be seperated that is why u see women being able to stay despite terrible suffering and temptation. Poster I will advise U to build urself to look away even though it's not easy. Remove ur focus from him and direct it at improving ur self and ur children. Focus on touching lives and u will see all his misbehavior will cease. Men misbehave wen u show too much care Bt as soon as u turn a blind eyes to dem dey come along.
ReplyDeleteNawa! this chronicle get as e be. Why would a man prefer the company of his sister to that of his wife.i know that blood is thicker than water as Stella said but i don't like what my mind is telling me here.Get closer to God.This is the time to pray like never before. something aint right.
ReplyDeletePlease visit www.hiextent.com
Excuse me????? Stella,Lots of things are wrong with your advice...I'm sure it's cos you are not in her shoes. Whatever the so called sister is doing is very wrong. Would she allow someone to do it to her own husband???. The sister has issues which I'm sure willl be one of the reasons she is no more in her husband's house (not in any way mocking her) but puleeeeese, she's. Not the first person with a brother o but she should apply sense in whatever she's doing cos it's beginning to ruin her brother's marriage. Your sister in law is very insensitive...what is that!!!
ReplyDeleteStella, ur comment doesn't make sense at all, if they share a bond, they should have gotten married to each other so we'll know they are related by blood. the Bible says a man should leave his father and mother and cling to his wife. nothing like sibling was mentioned cos dey are supposed to do the same!
ReplyDeleteNo Stella, I do not agree with you on this. I'm not against siblings relationship but at the detriment of spouse's feelings, wrong. From the narrative, it's clear that the man can't balance his relationship with both his wife and sister. How can a married man devote all his time hanging out with the sister but can't spare little time with the wife, even when she's pregnant with their children. The Bible says "that a man will leave his father and mother, siblings inclusive and cling to his wife to become one flesh". That sister-in-law is wicked, leaving her marriage to come and destroy the brother's. Again, I don't see anything wrong in a wife advising the husband to use the services of an experienced driver for such a long journey rather than taking risk, she's only being protective of him and not being selfish, l can do that because I have phobia for traveling. Dear poster, your husband is not man enough to handle the relationship between you and his family, period.
ReplyDeleteSome siblings are like that. My dear ignore him, focus and love your kids more because when you gets old they're the ones to look after you. ALso thank God she no be him sugar mummy. If she wanna kill her brother, leave her to do so since your hubby doesn't want to reason atimes.
ReplyDeletePoster is such a nag.
ReplyDeleteStop interfering before u ruin ur marriage.
Focus on ur job n kids.
Are you sure he is not sleeping with his sister?
ReplyDeleteDon't trust him too much ooh.
Please leave that fuck of a horseband n travel to USA if possible take your best friend (mom)to take care of ur kids
Yes, there should be no issue with siblings being very close. What is bad and unacceptable is for a man to be irresponsible towards his own family........your kids should be more important to you than anyone else. Its really very irritating to read that part where she had to drive herself to the hospital even in labour..........haba, do we even know what a 9mnth pregnancy look like in a driver sit? Pls pray harder for all evil yolk to be broken in your life and marriage. Concentrate and all strength on your work, kids and ourself and watch how it will all unfold. I wish you all the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteMadam, kindly concentrate and focus on your kids.High BP is real ooooo, if you think and die their sibling love will definitely continue
ReplyDeleteStella your red pen advice here is so prejudiced and horrible! I am disappointed in what you have written: it's so judgmental and it's sad. A woman talks about how her husband will take his sister on every errand she has. But couldn't drive her to the hospital to have their child and you feel it's her fault???? Wow.... Short of words for you.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, leave your husband be. Pls don't confront him in anger, pray before you speak to him about what you have observed. Above all, just take good care of you, your home and your children. God will help him see his wrong. Nagging will make things worse. ..:: it is well with you and your home.
Stella your red pen advice here is so prejudiced and horrible! I am disappointed in what you have written: it's so judgmental and it's sad. A woman talks about how her husband will take his sister on every errand she has. But couldn't drive her to the hospital to have their child and you feel it's her fault???? Wow.... Short of words for you.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, leave your husband be. Pls don't confront him in anger, pray before you speak to him about what you have observed. Above all, just take good care of you, your home and your children. God will help him see his wrong. Nagging will make things worse. ..:: it is well with you and your home.
Are u sure she is jus his sister. Cus a relative of mine hand a similar case and later found out dat the hubby was sleeping with the sister, which they have bin doing since dey were kids n later turn to their addiction. They can't do without each other. Jus be careful not watch wisely. Another advice focus on those Lovely kids God blessed u with, they are the reason why u are in that marriage, focus on them 100% & passionately n also ur job.
ReplyDeleteSome men need serious koboko. All these sisters, God dey watch una. So because her marriage did not work, she wants yours to end? What kind of man neglects his wife for his sister? What kind of man breaks his wedding picture? Very abnormal stuff. Madam if you get liver, please continue with you plans to travel, but do not let him know because his mind no dey there. If he finds out your children are as good as gone. When you are ready to go, visit your sisters and waka from there or you can stay, pray and cry for your husband's eyes to clear. The choice is yours
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stella, blood is rally thicker than water,you don't know what both of them had passed thru at their younger age that made dem dis tight. Its either you find away to bond with her or let them b... Remember to pray n ask God for Wat to do,if not it may cost u ur marriage.
ReplyDeleteIts well with you
Mumu
DeleteI totally disagree with Stella..His family shud come 1st Infact his wife shud come 1st before his mother..Pls ready d bible..tho u shud stop blown ur trumpet on ow u fed him n paid the rent bcuz as a wife u re his Protector,helpmate n mother..Bearing his kids is a blessing too..My future husband has to be my frd bcuz if u both had been frds frm Dating n courtship days u won't have ths problem..pple juz get married for wrong reasons
DeleteThis poster has given herself away in this rubbish she wrote. Such a selfish human being, really? 'You shed your own blood to give birth to his children' woman are you really for real? Mbanu! You should have shed my own blood to birth your children, nonsense! Woman you have a very wrong mindset and a wrong sense of entitlement that is why you have succeeded in driving your husband away. Better change before it is too late.
ReplyDeleteU just don't hv sense... See the part ure focusing on, so easy to spot single women
DeleteHmmmm I am short of word😒
ReplyDeletemadam u sound like an emotional black mailer and a real nag,but na wa for ur husband oooo,he is behaving as if he and his sister have a romantic relationship.its obvious u need to befriend this man,he needs to see u as someone he can confide in ,but i dislike it when a man puts anyone above his family,
ReplyDeleteWhy do I not agree wiv stellas comment????
ReplyDeleteTalk your own!!
DeleteI don't agree with Stella as well.
DeleteIn fact, Stalla, you need to apologise to this lady.
Me three.... I dint agree with Stella"s advice. Maybe she used an expired red ink today.
DeleteFor your sake and kids sake, just travel to America and pick up the nursing job. That' way u are protecting yourself and the kids' . You can only remain married if you are alive, obviously this problem is coming close to choke you so just travel first, every other thing will fall into place. Take this advice seriously
ReplyDeletestella your response to the approach is good but not so cool by me, did u walk a mile in the woman's shoe? i am not married and i love my siblings to the cor but not to interfere in their marriage, the man is weak n his sis is taking advantage of that and that's why the sis marriage didn't work. why cant she talk to the brother to be giving attention to his family? i know d woman is so depressed but let her focus on her children n even travel to the us if possible n leave him behind to wife his sister....... honestly she's really in a tight corner , madam focus on your children, u see why its not good to make too much sacrifice for people .........such is life. any reasonable person puts his own family first (thats when you may a good person o) chil
ReplyDeleteI just tire for stella
DeleteThanks for saying this Anon 16:49, dont mind stella with this her useless one sided advise. Somebody that we all know on this blog that whoever says thrash to or about will go gaga is now typing nonsense. Is it because you're not in the woman's shoes? Better put urself in that situation first before influencing your followers blindly! Can u take such? Evil woman.
DeleteThank you o jare Anon! Stella, this your advise no just follow@all. Anytime you talk, you always say "my husband, my Children" do you pray for this type of sibling for mr Korkus? Nonsense. Very wicked. Somebody. Gerrarra here mehn! I know you also own NGL. Crook
DeleteMadam abeg move to the US and forget husband matter, u married someone dt doesn't love you that much, some families are like that and u can't just come in and change that. Sorry about ur situation tho
ReplyDeleteA man shall leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. Haaaaa! You men that make your wives suffer because of your so called connection to your family, your own dey come! Just wait! She had a family, but left them to start one with you isn't it? Yet you treat her like she has no one to turn to, because you think you own her right? Ahhhh! I have seen how this story ends many times and it is never favourable for the husband.
ReplyDeleteI disagree wholeheartedly with Stella.
ReplyDeleteShe did shed blood to have four children who will bear their father's name, not their mother's. Agreed, if this is something she says all the time, it might cause some problems but it doesn't change the fact that it's the truth.
Genesis 2:24. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife; they shall be one flesh.
A man has no business being closer to anyone else other than his wife. If this happens then there's something wrong with the foundation of that marriage.
Why will a man be uncomfortable in a house because there are too many children? Children whom he fathered by the way... Na wa for some men sef.
Poster, you did not have those children on your own, you and your babies should be your husband's primary focus, it's wrong for him to leave the running of the household and care of the children totally to you and keep chilling in his sister's house.
If your offer to work in the US is still open and you think you can handle the children on your own, take the offer: remember though that child care in the US is expensive and you will need this because you will work.
If you cannot take that offer, gather your funds and move out temporarily with your children. Your hubby's reaction to this will let you know if your marriage can be salvaged or not.
I deliberately left out his sister in this because she isn't the one who made vows to you and really, owes you nothing.
God bless you Princess. Leave Stella and her biased thinking
DeleteWould you say things like this if you were in her shoes, Stella? A wife is a companion. There's nothing wrong being friends with your siblings but demoting your God given wife and ridiculing her is not in anyway Godly that's if you still believe in God. From the chronicle, the husband appears to be a BOY in his reasoning. If he has been offended by something the wife did, he should man-up and speak up.A wife has every right over every visitor to their marital home. Breaking photos is bad enough, but in front of your kids? Stella call a spade, a spade. The husband needs help and needs it fast.
ReplyDeleteStella you said, some men run away from a house full of kids hence poster's hubby takes shelter in his sister's house...abeg does this his sister not ve kids too? Why wud he leave his wife with the kids? I dont fink its right. I mean, its not normal naw. Even if he has issues with his wife, his kids should always give give him some kinda joy. From what the poster explained, I think she and her hubby ve drifted apart, even before the sister came into the picture. Plus she obviously doesnt ve a good relationship with her inlaws. Poster pls ve a heart to heart talk with your hubby. Let him know how you and the kids feel about the whole issue. Dont quarrel with him o as it might aggravate issue. If he really luvs you, he'd try to balance the relationships btw u and his sister.
ReplyDeleteStella abeg make wu hear word. which kind of love be dat?the sister is evil and insensitive. i wont allow my broda to do such. he has his own family? them dey f..k themselves, thats why she move comot her hussy house. them be lovers case closed. report him to his parents , but if na me o. i don go US final
ReplyDeleteDear poster.. u dont knw wat ut hubby and siater inlaw wud ve gone thru growing up. I am nt married but i wud chose my sister or brothers anytime b4 my hubby.
ReplyDeleteStella, abeg clean this your red pen fast!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat is this one u r saying? Mtchewww
Madam, just move to the states with ur kids and let him marry his sister.
Who knows if they r even sleeping with each other self
Jasmine i really hope so too. That was the first thing that screamed in my head. They maybe sleeping witj each other and since she is no longer married, he feels he has gotten her all to himself.
DeleteWow Stella I hope you are joking! . She should mind her business? . What happened to leave and cleave. Break her home, please what home does she have here? A husband that is never there for and 'their' kids (not hers alone) and brought an axe out in front of his kids?.
ReplyDeleteMadam abeg if you are financially capable please leave this man. If you are not and as long as he pays for his kids just totally forget about him as a husband, make yourself happy and ignore him. One day he will surely reap what he has sown.
I just totally disagree with u Stella! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being Beastie with his sister but I think his sister isn't happy DAT her sis-in-laws home isn't broken, rather hers!
ReplyDeleteI so love it when my kids protect each other but the thing is this particular sister has gone south ! Her broken home to her means all her sisters in law shld also have one!
My hubbys family - 6 in number,only one gal. My hubby protects his sister from every1 even mi. I can vouch DAT he will say d nicest of things about his sis n only 'nice' things about mi, but d thing is DAT he still keeps every1 @bay. He doesn't allow d love he has for his sis come between DAT n I respect him for DAT!
Advice for poster- I understand wot d sis is trying to do , I think u shld just put ur hubby in d hands of God,never stop praying for him.
Then forgive ur sis in law,knowing fully well DAT u too wouldn't want anything daughter in law wanting to desperate ur children.
Finally give them space!
Gudluck.
I just totally disagree with u Stella! There's absolutely nothing wrong with being Beastie with his sister but I think his sister isn't happy DAT her sis-in-laws home isn't broken, rather hers!
ReplyDeleteI so love it when my kids protect each other but the thing is this particular sister has gone south ! Her broken home to her means all her sisters in law shld also have one!
My hubbys family - 6 in number,only one gal. My hubby protects his sister from every1 even mi. I can vouch DAT he will say d nicest of things about his sis n only 'nice' things about mi, but d thing is DAT he still keeps every1 @bay. He doesn't allow d love he has for his sis come between DAT n I respect him for DAT!
Advice for poster- I understand wot d sis is trying to do , I think u shld just put ur hubby in d hands of God,never stop praying for him.
Then forgive ur sis in law,knowing fully well DAT u too wouldn't want anything daughter in law wanting to desperate ur children.
Finally give them space!
Gudluck.
Your husband loves his sister dearly and he would do anything just to make her happy even if it means displeasing you!It could be natural,she could be blackmailing him with something or she is obsessed with him hence,she "jazzed"him!Find out!!
ReplyDeleteIf you want your marriage to work,why don't you try becoming friends with his sister?
Buy her gifts and start chocking her with love!Infact,remind your hubby to call or see her.
Lastly,stop nagging,control your tongue and pray!!!
Hmm. I think people should remember that this is only one side of the story. So poster, your husband and his sister are demons while you are an angel? Biko come again. Tell us what really happened for your husband to have broken your wedding picture. I am not believing this story at all at all.
ReplyDeleteStella pls I'm really sorry if this annoys u bt wot u penned down with ur red ink really breaks my heart. How can a woman leave her husbands house & then goes to her brothers house all in the name of being his best friend to steal his attention from his wife. We don't even av an idea of wot chased her 4rm her own home? Women like the sil can be worse,she won't take it from any1. Pls ur pen lashed her out. In all the labour room drama we av read,the wives always tlk abt how their husbands rushed to their bed side & she has not written dt here. Maybe we see things differently bt this is wot I feel about ur outpour
ReplyDeleteNO NO No..you didnt type this stella, someone impersonated you..because i know ur not a fool.
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella, dis ur Red pen is not it @all it makes zero sense. Haba what kind of love is that biko? So your wife and kids don't mean anything to dis man huh? U should have gotten married to your sister then. Madam plz carry your kaya and move to the US and leave his sorry ass alone so he can continue to romance his sister. Mehn I can't stand these boys that calls themselves Men smh
ReplyDeleteIf everything you typed up there chronicle narrator is true, then there is a big big problem. The bible states that a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. This isn't just in the physical sense, but emotionally, spiritually etc. It means your husband should stand up for you. Protect you. Provide for you. Create a new life with you . What his sister is doing is not normal. Madam enter prayer mode. Search the scriptures on marriage and use it to pray. You will experience a great victory. I feel very sorry for that sister in law of yours.....she has Brough trouble on her self and I even pity her kids more especially the girls. My prayer for her children is that the may know the Lord early or there may be serious trouble for them in their own marriages. You don't do things like that and get away with it.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 16:03 XOXO Mystery, you made alot of good points except from the part of insulting her. You were not supposed to insult her.
ReplyDeleteMadam poster, please try and befriend your sister in-law, take your kids to her house and invite her to yours for drinks etc..
Most men don't like it when their wives tries to separate them from their beloved sisters, mine included.
I pray that God help you keep your home and unite your family.
Hmmmm! Just travel to USA n leave him to marry his sister in Naija, Asap!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your kind words. My sister in law actually lives alone.she left her 4 kids with her husband in warri and came to Abuja to stay alone. It has been so traumatising but God is healing me gradually.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is over doing it nobody says he shouldnt love his sister but haba, he took you to the alter to take the vows of both of u been ONE, anywayz just put everything into prayer GOD will perfects your home back
ReplyDeleteWhat is mrs. Korkus saying now.. Even the bible says in matt 19:5 "And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?”
ReplyDeleteHis wife should be No.1 in his life, the man is simply immature, yes, blood is thicker, but when a covenant is made btw 2 blood, it is stronger.... He needs prayer and give him less attention, he should come back craving for your attention, that if you guys married for love.