STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE WICKED FATHER.
Good day stellar diamond. I am a big fan despite i do not comment all the time but i always keep up with your blog. You are just so wonderful.
Here's my chronicles. Bear with me as it's going to be a bit lengthy .
My parents got separated when i was 9 years old. I have 2 siblings. We lived with our dad and step mum until i finished my secondary school when i was 17. It was tough to say the least. My dad was the major problem as step mum just minds her business.
He would punish us and make us sleep outside just cos of transferred hatred from mum. Mum will always send food stuffs, school fees and clothings as dad never cared. It was mum who paid my WAEC fees. There was no point living with him as we had to return to live with mum. He married two more wives and went on to have 9 more children.
Fast forward to 13 years later,my siblings and I are graduates from university and we are doing pretty well in our chosen fields. Two of us are married and have our families. God has really helped us. Of course our bride price was paid to our dad and nothing else.
He tried building a relationship with me after my marriage which my husband encouraged but it wasn't really going well . I sent money to him on one occasion and he felt that was it. He never asked of my mum who toiled and suffered for us. He wanted to be a father who was never there. I didn't like it and cut off the relationship.
A year later, i got a call from one of my half sisters and said dad gave her my number. I spoke with her mother and all her siblings even though i don't know most of them.
The bottomline is my father is trying to create a bond between all of us while ignoring my mother which i don't find funny.
Now she wants to come visit me and and all that.
Advise me please as i do not want to carry everlasting responsibilities of 9 children and if peace has to be made, it has to be done properly and not through the backdoor.
P.s : My husband sees me as unforgiving. I told him that i can't forget so soon how he maltreated my mum and us. I carried over a GST course in school then for non payment of fees when i had a father.
I used rags as menstrual pads, we went hungry uncountable number of times . My mum was and is always there for us and never remarried so she could concentrate on us. Please help me on this.
Stellar diamond , your red pen is needed.
Hmmmmm...This one needs Solomon's wisdom to handle....can you not maintain a relationship with them but from a distance?..Forgiving is really easy,its forgetting that messes up the mind.
let me leave the wise ones on this blog to guide you.
Please, is it true that ALI NUHU is dead? Someone should please confirm.
ReplyDeletePls ignore your dad and his other children...he wants to reap where he did not sow.
DeleteJust send him money once in a while.... Don't take responsibility of his other children
Subhanallah,Oh Allah please let it not be true
DeleteHaaaaaa. Which kain news b this. Wetin kill am?
DeletePlease be careful with them infact don't allow any one of them to know the road that lead to your street, one week visit will later turn to permanent stay. Am talking from experience charm and snatching of husband is real beside may be your daddy and his people want to use her as informant.
DeletePls,for ur own sake,do not let/allow any half sister or brother into ur home. Forgive ur dad n be civil wt him. If need be,visit him n say hello to d other children n move on wt ur life pls!
DeleteTry and forgive your dad and keep him and your step sisters @ arms length becos the only reason dey are coming close is becos God have blessed try and support them the little way you can becos they are not your responsibility biko and don't condole unnecessary visiting from them or them spending the weekend over your place
DeletePoster my honest advice is this
DeleteTo your dad,be cordial but don't make a mistake of turning yourself to his sponsor,forget these preachers here your dad only came because you're doing well if your half siblings were rich he will never come close
To your half siblings and step mum,keep your distance because jealousy has already started.
To your husband,since he feels you're unforgiving anytime they ask you for anything tell him to give you so that you can give them,by the time he starts paying school fees,rent,hospital bills for them he would start helping you keep the grudge on your behalf.
Better keep them at a distance and never let them in to your home.
DeleteHmmm
DeleteI like peace amongst siblings so i will advice you bond with your siblings and ignore your dad. Those kids didn't do anything and they didn't plan to be born into a polygamous home.
Don't throw caution to the wind though. Be WISE.
Don't let them get close to you, no matter how beautiful a snake can be the venom will always be poisonous, had siblings tinz is hell, ur dad forgot one day he will retire and will depend on u, now he is trying to shift responsibilities on you, because his income couldn't cover all, forgotten he created the responsibilities and expenses at your own detriment,while he was busy making baby's and enjoying new wives, u slept outside and use rad as sanitary, be wise cut the ties, don't let it be hello /hi, give the token u can give ur dad monthly, let ur siblings too hustle for them self, after all there mother didn't give helping hand when u were struggling, she was the apple in baba eye, and getting all she needs then......
DeleteAsk yourself this honest question.
ReplyDeleteWill they be calling you if you were not doing well?
You're obviously doing very well that's why they are trying to come close.
Handle them very carefully, help them if you have to and can afford to they are after all related to you.
Don't try to force peace between your mother and your father just continue to do your bit from a distance for your father and his many children.
Make sure to monitor the visits to your house too before they'd turn it into a village square.
Forgive your father, for your own peace of mind I'm sure he feels silly for those things he did but you're better for it because it helped you fight your way and be someone in life despite it all.
All the best.
Your head dey there. They are being nice now for a reason. If she was poor, will they send her? Encourage your mum to forgive him but still keep a distance. Make she no go hell ontop his matter. She has suffered enuf
Delete*smokes weed *
Olodo i cant move on from the correction you made on the pther chronicle saying that its not 'BTA' but 'PTA'...😅😅😅 the comfidence you said it with. Ohh dear!!anyway it just shows you have not been on an international flight, not like being on an int flight defines a person but you always trying to bring others down like you any good.. ngbeke feeling funky..smh
DeleteNice one
DeleteSee why I saved you ba.
DeleteNice advice.
Monitor their visits
See why I saved you ba.
DeleteNice advice.
Monitor their visits
Onye nwe ego onwe umu nna translation if you have money u will have relatives. Thank God u received so many frowns so now that smiles are coming u really know the ones meant for you.
DeletePlease be very careful.A man who abandoned you when I mattered Most.Cannot suddenly be a friend.A leopard does not change its color.The only reason he is being nice is because of the Money.If his Intentions was Genuine the first person he would have called was your Mum and through her bring all of you together.Why is he avoiding her and even trying to make u not let her know of his Sudden New Intentions towards her Children.You can forgive him and still not bear his responsibility.And if u have to send him money.Make sure u pay it into his bank account.Please think about your home.Remember u have responsibility on the way coming(Your Kids).This is the best time to start saving for their future if u want them to attend good School.Please as for your husband let him know u have forgiven but u dont want any form of responsibility.A word is enough for the wise.Please do not under any circumstance allow any one of them to know your place because after that u don't have control over their coming.Be wise and don't be foolish
Delete@Mosi and co thank you for the save lol.
DeleteDear anon 15:34, sigh I really wish I had the time to respond but I don't.
When you learn how to use ellipsis properly, please come back and talk to me about where I've traveled to or not.
I don't argue with peasants who call BTA- basic travel allowance.
Go into the bank and find out why there are different transaction limits for PTA and BTA.
My silence hurt you so bad you've had sleepless nights. Please sleep well love.
It use to be called Basic travel allowance during d Era when it was only d allowance given. Now it's called business travel allowance (BTA) 5000 dollars and personal travel allowance (pta)4000 dollars.
DeleteDon't allow ur Step sis to visit u abeg, forget ur father and his peace talk and concentrate on ur marriage. I hate wicked parents, block their numbers from ur phone before they destroy ur home.
ReplyDeleteNoooooo, truth is that no matter how your parents have treated you, you should care for them.
DeleteLet her just keep her distance from the dad, send him allowance if she can afford to, she should just be careful and watch the visits, let it not become too much
Noooooo, truth is that no matter how your parents have treated you, you should care for them.
DeleteLet her just keep her distance from the dad, send him allowance if she can afford to, she should just be careful and watch the visits, let it not become too much
Poster, I don't know how prayerful you are as juju is real... Even before you send money to them, you must cabash well.. U should trade with serious caution and maintain your distance. Like some of said, they are looking for your money. Take care of your dad and disconnect from your step mum and other children ooooo. Can you attest to their upbringing? Recall it's not an ideal family setting and what does your mum think about their advances.. May God guide you as the heart of man is desperately wicked. Nkmama
DeleteMy dad isn't much of a great dad, but God must have had his plans in making him my dad so i have learnt to forgive. @poster my advice is that you send your father money from time to time as well as your siblings but please do not let them into your home, before they take the food from your mouth. Forgive your father because that's one choice we children don't make for ourselves and since the plan of God is ever perfect, I believe it's all for a reason.
DeleteI don't think you're unforgiving. It's just hard to forget something's. If you can't get past how he treated you guys, don't let it be forced on you to move on
ReplyDeletehot gist don show.
ReplyDeleteOya Chikito the runs bitch...
ReplyDeletecome and personalize this chronicle for her, tell her how ur father treated you all.
You need little sweetness in your life. It's really not that serious.
DeleteDuuh! I can't cos my parents are still married 😬 but thanks for giving me space. *drags chair*
DeletePoster, poster, poster......how many times did I call you? Run oh! Poster, have you ever cut off?? Please cut. On evil family reconcilation....I once mentioned how my dad carried his whole family on his head until he went broke. Okay. When my mum forgave him now, gradually his life picked up. The siblings that showed him pepper now are asking for reconcilation. These are his blood siblings oh! same mother and father who are equally doing okay for themselves. But guess what? Just like doppelganger said the only reason they are gumming body is cos they see all his kids are graduates now and the fall of a man isn't the end of his life. And God has a final say. We have warned him that if he does Christianity here he would choose between us and them. Our pastor heard and thought we were unforgiving , just like ur hubby nau. So we had a meeting. I very quickly reminded pastor of a message he preached when he said we should forgive with wisdom and forgetting doesn't mean memory loss forgetting means remembering but feeling not anger or pain. Na there the story end. To your tent oh isreal.
You dad must apologize to your mum. If not for ur mum all of you won't exist would you? No. So he must accord her the respect. Apologize to her.
And don't even join body with those your step siblings oh! If they have a wicked mother who saw all what you went through and kept quiet,what more do you expect from them? Some step mothers can be nice but that one no be am.
See, when they call you pick if you can. If you cant you can't. If they ask you for help send them money through the bank and pray over it before you do. Don't invite them to your house. And tell your husband to stay out of it cos you and your siblings had a discussion and agreed that that's the way it should be managed.
If you get closer, the trouble you will invite into your household ehn would be bigger than your head. Stand your grounds. Put your foot down no 'weaker vessel' here oh! You've earned the right to know what you want. Draw the lines... kpakam! Then christmas send them bag of rice and carton of chicken and money for basket of tomatoes and ingredients. Just because the bible says so.... Finish! !
Na wah oh!...
ReplyDeletePoster,keep your father and his children at arms length!...
When he was fucking and getting married to every woman he sees?he didn't know that na agbacha egwu o na nukwu!...
Don't bring your step sisters into your matrimonial home!...they might come to snatch your man like their mothers did...
Abeg forget these people and run far away from them including your father!...
This is why people address una men as DEMONS!...
Stop displaying your stupidity madam amukunmeko 4 children at 28,did she mention her tribe. You really need to work on your self esteem, people with low self esteem always blame others for everything even for your own personal mistake.
DeleteFollow this advice. Forgive him from a far. Hmmm. Babe, if u ain't successful, they will not try to move closer to u. As per u being child of eldest wife. Just urself brain. Don't put urself into unnecessary drama
DeleteI have gone through something similar. Dad has 3 wives, my mum is the first and they want to get close to us. YOU MUST KEEP YOUR DISTANCE. Don't allow anybody come close to you. They will be gossiping about you. They want to chook eye inside your house to know how you're doing well. Your dad is getting older and thinking of the responsibility of taking care of 9 children. You think he doesn't have sense? Abeg lie that something happened to the roof of your house. Find an excuse.
DeleteIf your father wants to reconcile he should do it the right way!
Poster, don't even try it. Just leave them d way they are. Don't bring them close. Concentrate on ur family and ur mum. Only help them if u have excess.Don't say I didn't warn u. Am talking from experience. They are leaches. That's how they destroyed my father and brought him to level zero because he was forming peace maker and trying to bring his family together. They sucked him dry and dumped him. My dad that used to be very comfortable is now begging for bread. Sometimes I hate my dad sef.
DeleteQueen Queen...chai Nne you never disappoints..I pity your Nwunye Di and umunne Di gi btw I would like to be your Frnd..how can I get your contact??
DeleteGod bless you for this comment, between, i'm a man!
DeleteI look@ my sister's cousins and how they flaunt big asses before my very eyes! And for what reason? I got my wife a new Honda Crosstour which is around 6million. My wife is also causing more of these problems by always inviting them, but if I say no, she would find fault in my "No" stand. I just hope I don't misbehave someday! Cos she trusts these her cousins so much, yet, they don't care if she gets hurt, in as much as they also have a share of the pudding too. I pray she sees all these happening in her dream for her to know whom to be close to and those to be kept at arms length. Women look out for your husband's body languages sometimes! Telling you what your siblings do to trap us is something we can't do, but be wise pls. Thank you all.
That's all
DeleteBeyonce hands for queen n boss.
DeleteI might get an id because of you Linda Eze, who used to love Billy Jean
*my wife's cousins" I meant to type! Pardon my anger and mistakes! Small time, the feminists on this blog will not call their fellow women to order. It is when we men fall into temptations they will be crying fowl to everyone listening.
DeleteOge send them far oh! Tell your wife its no longer okay for them to visit. Look at you? Youre playing with fire. HopING you won't fall. Hian! Draw the line....
Delete*oga not Oge
DeleteWisdom
ReplyDeletePoster i dont encourage letting her come live with u o, if u hv anytin to give her n her sibling please do, bt dont allow over familiarity biko.
ReplyDeleteSome fathers are just something else. Please since your dad is trying to bring you all together, eat with them with a LONG SPOON.
ReplyDeleteEverybody is a suspect, dont loose your guard if not you will enter one chance. Meet with them away from your house and dont let them know much about you.
Your husband is just behaving as if this world is not a wicked place. Dont let his talk make you less of what you are.
Your mum is a super mom.. Maintain a relationship with them from afar. Won ni okere Lomo iya dun.
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I don't think it's a good idea letting them come that close to you, to the extent of visiting your home and staying over! Call me selfish...but I just don't support that idea! It's too risky
ReplyDeleteJust forgive all and try your hardest to move on from the past.. Won't be easy but just give it a try!
You guys should make peace with one another, let it be obvious to everyone that you don't have beef with anyone... be it your dad or step-siblings! Send them money or food stuffs when you have, then kindly face your family!
Ask your mom and other siblings to try and forgive as well, let God be the judge of everything. It's well
Exactly! Very risky
DeletePoster keep them at arm's length, to avoid stories that touch later.
U so on point Becky.
Delete>>SEE HELL'S CAFE IN PARIS<<
Read @
Mitchelleobatu.blogspot.com
Well said
Delete1 million likes to your comment Becky! Poster shine your eyes well oh
Delete...Victoria's Secret
Kai, the love of a mother.My dear if ur dad dies now u will ask urself y u didn't make peace with him.if God forbid u die without making peace with ur father what do do u tell God in heaven? Do not form over familiarity with d steps especially if they r not yet established so u don't carry load that is your father's problem.
ReplyDeletePlease, forgive your father be civil with him.Its not you he offended directly it's your mum, soon boo boo will be tired of asking you to make peace and who knows it might be late then.
Yes poster, do forgive ur dad but keep ur half siblings far off before they make u carry their responsibilities... I know u are hurt but he is still ur dad nd might not ask after ur mum d way u want him to.. yours is to forgive
Delete...so true @ love of a mother
DeleteGodbless our Mothers
@ poster forgive your father and tryna forget, for your own Sanity, keep the communication open. Open communication too between your mother n father since your father's 'Ego' won't let him. But don't grant the request of coming over. You can always provide for them...from a distance
If you weren't doing well, non will ask about you.
Invite them (community) in...you're inviting Leeches, they gon suck you dry...
This is really tough. Lemme join Stella on the couch
ReplyDeleteNobody knows the pain you feel/felt but you just have to Forgive your Dad, but that doesn't mean you should carry the troubles of his other children. They are his responsibility and he should do the needful in their lives. As for the bonding, too much water has passed under the bridge so Kole werk.
ReplyDelete*I intend to live forever*
He who brings in ant infested wood into his house should not complain when lizards pay him a visit, ur step sis wanna come visit, shine ur eyes very well, don't let her live with u, from clap, dance go follow.
ReplyDelete@BlackBerry Did u just finish watching one of Pete Edochie's movie? But you make sense here.
DeleteJust forgive dem, but don't get too close to them
ReplyDeleteYou need a long spoon to eat with your father, if I were in your shoes I'll just keep him and his batallions far from me. Not that you won't help him when necessary but it shouldn't be so close. Your mother has probably moved on so let the sleeping dog lie.
ReplyDeletePoster, forget ur father. Him and his wives should take care of their children. If have extra money and love, lavish them all on ur mother. She deserves it and more.
ReplyDeleteI am glad u turned out a good woman. Some will use broke family as a poor excuse for how they turned out be a useless fellow.
My dear just like Stellz said, its best you maintain the relationship from a distance for now. Emotions are still rife so I wouldn't advice her to come over. And talk to your dad, tell him to apologize to your mum, maybe that will make it easier for you to get over the things you experienced.
ReplyDeleteI can see jiji n peak milk adv... sweet stella, more n more advert to your blog..amen
ReplyDeleteMy dear i beg you, for your own good, don't mix up with them, maintain a relationship with them from a distance so you don't bring trouble into your life. If they call you, answer but don't entertain anybody into ur family i take God beg you. Before you know it, they will start using jazz and all sort. Be nice to them from a distance, enemies within the family is hard to get rid of, assuming u weren't doing well will they look for you? Don't even look for their peace, mind ur family and ur mum, if u have anything to give ur father and his children from time to time then give but i repeat, do not let anyone into ur home maka adi ama ama hian.
ReplyDeleteI can bet your dad is trying to create a bond now cus ure doing so well for urself, he wldnt care if the reverse was the case, latching & trying to climb a ladder he didnt build... there are loads of sperm donors like that, trying to automatically turn fathers overnight, you can still be a daughter to him without that "Father-Daughter bond".... You dont have to constantly break bread with him though, but dont 4get sending the christmas hampers.
ReplyDelete#Winter is Coming
Those arent just the Stark words.
I forgot to add, the content of the hamper MUST include; Cabin biscuit, Mosquito coil, Nutri C, Nunu milk, Iron sponge, Blue Eva wine, Tim tomatoes.... Etc
DeleteThank you.
This winter go bloody ooo atheist
DeleteSpot on!
DeleteLet me add, no familiarity between you and the half siblings. Coming to visit is a NO. Don't visit, the bond was never there
MrsBee
Kikikikikiki@last comment Atheist. How come you have da list? Poster should buy eye scratching items for the old man so he can have loads of trouble sleeping that night
DeleteMrsBee
Funny people on here. See hamper list 😂😅😂
DeleteOnly God forgives. We human don't have the power. Can't tell you what to do because if I'm in your position, there will be nothing like forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteFrom what you wrote, he's not even asking for forgiveness.
Forgive o. It's necessary
DeleteDon mayor obi akpo!
DeleteTranslation: heart of the devil himself. Tueh for you
FORGIVE AND MAINTAIN YOUR DISTANCE..HE CANNOT REAP FROM WHERE HE DIDNT SOW.EXPOSING HIS FEMALE CHILDREN TO HARDSHIP AND NOW TRYING TO LOVE YOU PEOPLE UP WITH HIS CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF. NO WAY.FOR THE SAKE OF GOD FORGIVE BUT MAINTAIN YOUR DISTANCE AND DONT GIVE IN TO THEIR FINANCIAL AND HOMELY DEMANDS BEFORE YOU REGRET YOUR DECISION.
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that ur dad and his wives can see that u ppl r doing well and they want to come and chop your money. This scenario happens to many men who abandon their kids. If I were you, I won't give them sisi. Forgive them but keep them at a distance 😕😕
ReplyDelete*smokes weed*
Forgiving wouldn't be easy. Forgetting is hard. U need to forgive, try to have a relationship with them, but don't get too involved. I guess ur mother has moved on. U only want to see him being sorry for all he has done.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you want to bring problem to your life.stop trying to get your mum and dad together again cos it looks like that's what you are trying to do. You said it yourself that your father is irresponsible.look after you mother well,and keep in touch with your father as well and do all you can for hum regardless of how he treated you in the past,he is still your father.be friendly with your other half siblings from a distance and do not bring them into your home.
ReplyDeletedo not allow that your half sister to come visiting you, talk to them on phone, assist when you can and do not allow them close to your house. Forget about that your father, tell him to sort out his difference with your mum before you all can settle.
ReplyDeleteAm just going to read comments bcox am in the same position although am not married and am still in school but he does not care he has money but he does not do anything for me he married some one my age
ReplyDeleteHe should reconcile with ur mom who is the source of the good life u guys have and where he wants to benefit from. He cant reap where he did not sow. Selfish man.
ReplyDeleteWaoh
ReplyDeleteDear Poster! You have to be grateful to God that you're a success story. No need keeping grudges, count your many blessings and name them one by one, and it will surprise you the wonders that the Lord has done in your life and in the lives of your siblings.
ReplyDeletePeople will tell you to forget your dad and your step-siblings because that is what they would have done, but they are not you. If your father is trying to build a relationship between you and your step-siblings; please allow him.
Those children are not at fault, they have never wronged you, they never begged to be born by their parents. Please, forgive your father, God knew the kind of person your father is, that was why He gave you and your siblings the mother you deserve.
I believe your father has realised his mistakes, that is why he's trying to build a relationship. Don't drive your step-siblings away, receive them and make peace with them.
You can not erase what your father did to your mum, but you can ask God to give you the spirit to forgive him.
@MrsRomans. No one has asked her not to forgive but after that should she throw wisdom and caution to the wind? No!
DeleteIt obvious u have had no near experience to this narration else you would advise her to be wise and not allow the vice of manipulation spring up in her home. The steps might end up being instruments for all that who knows their heart? Let her father genuinely and purely reconcile the family else he only started this horrific tale and one or more of the steps might take it to the next level.
What is this one saying?you think it's eazy?you saying all this cos it never happened to you.Her father didn't realise his mistakes,he just wants to reap where he didn't sow.
DeleteMrs Roma's Abeg keep that ur opinion one side! She should forgive her father yes! But keep him as far as possible u wan kill the girl? She has her own children to take care of, u now want her to add her Fathers 9 kids. He must be joking. The whole idea of trying to bond them is for his 3 older kids to help him take care of his football team. Poster forgive but keep ur distance ! A word is enough for the wise.
DeleteGod please don't let it get to this stage with me and my mum. Our relationship is... God i love her and don't want to get to that stage I won't anymore. Heal us oh Lord
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle just took me back to my shelf
Dear parents love your children regardless of how you feel about your partner
Jesus heal us please
Dear Poster,this is exactly what happened to me only that my Dad remarried one wife not two and I have 4 step siblings. Firstly what I did was to forgive him but I really don't have a close relationship with him, we talk but nothing special and I make sure I send him money for his upkeep every month as he is old and not as comfortable like he used to. Because the bible says go our your father and mother so that your days may be long.
ReplyDeleteSecondly, I help my step siblings from a distance I didn't bring them close to my family, they only saw my husband on our wedding day and that was it. They don't even know where I live or know my children, the reason why is I don't know how they were raised and the mentality they have and also their thoughts towards me. I would rather keep it this way because I don't want to bring trouble into my marriage also I did not allow my father visit me because I know he is not a good man I just help from a distance.
My advice to you is to keep them at arms length and help your father from a distance don't bring him close to your family and also do not allow your step sister visit you. They might not even be happy you turned out well. My dear the bible says wisdom is profitable to direct.
Correct!!
DeleteA million likes for your comment! Poster see your mate talking from experience. Open your eyes well well.
DeleteHello poster, I advice you forgive and create a long distance frm all of them. Give them wat you can afford but never allow the closeness. Meanwhile, ask ur mum to come around wenever ur dad is coming cos you never can tell ur intention.
ReplyDeletePoster, please keep them out of your reach. continue to live peacefully in your home and with your mother. The man only gave you life but aint worth being called a father.
ReplyDeleteForgiving him doesn't mean you guys can become paddies na. it can't happen. Send them a bag of rice only on festive periods like Christmas.
No man can replace my wonderful father. I Love you dad! continue watching over me from above.
Pls don't let them dump responsibilities that are not yours on you... Be wise shine your eyes
ReplyDeleteI dnt tink its wise for her to cum visit u.they r ur blood no doubt but u shud be careful.
ReplyDeleteHweva way u tink u can help dem pls do.nor carry load wey too heavy for u.
I know you're taking care of mumsy well.
ReplyDeleteI have lots to say but I can't type
Forgive your dad, it's possible he was manipulated to do all he did. If your step mom was good she would have fought for you guys. Stay away from them. Help your dad from afar, they can still use him to get to you.
ReplyDeleteJay ps let's hear word. Na only men them dey manipulate? Every irresponsible man chooses to be irresponsible and later we hear excuses like this. Call a spade a spade jor. Person go carry body near devil finish later e go say na devil fault. This man was clearly not manipulated he just hates his responsibilities and wants her to now cater for the rest of his kids by force. Koni man at his business. Aka Cornelius. Ko le werk!!!
DeleteYoruba men causing trouble with their dicks since year 1900. **BTW m yoruba***
ReplyDeleteAnd u saw somewhere in d post that stated the woman or her family are yoruba?
DeleteIf I were you, I will focus on my marriage. Be at peace with your Dad and half siblings. The problem you had was between you and your father or were your siblings part of the 'ish'? It is not their fault that your father misbehaved, they are just products of the behaviour. So, accept and treat them like your blood if they want to bond with you except if they give you reasons to doubt their sincerity.
ReplyDeleteMy own is ensure that your step Sister doesn't step foot into your home. You seem like a nice person be more careful with your father.
ReplyDeleteForgive my dear but let the past experiences make you wiser. He wants you to form bond with everyone but excludes your mom? He is not serious and let him know that nothing happens if he does not accord your mom the respect and accolade she deserves.
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't turn out well or you are not successful do you think he will seek you out? Do you think your step sister and step siblings will be looking for you like visa is you are poor and living from hand to mouth? If the answer is yes then form bond but if no guve everyone the space and distance they deserve and let you mom eat the fruits of her labour biko cos she over deserves it.
Even the bible says whatsoever a man sows let him reap...forgive yes but your mom's needs, wants and the most trival thing she needs supercedes even their most urgent desire.
I don't want your home to scatter. Do not let any of them come visiting o. Stay in your lane while they stay in theirs, because from her another one will come, next their mom, etc. Please maintain a long relationship with them and call your dad once in a while.
ReplyDeleteLet say you have nothing, will they call you? Tell your dad to loan you money and see what he will tell you, my dear use your common sense and do not allow such to affect your relationship with your husband.
Know when to pick their calls and when not to pick.
They no dey tell blind man say rain wan fall.
I also need advice cos I and poster are in same position. same age my parents separated, my father treated us with so much hatred and neglect. I had to work to feed my siblings and myself from a tender age, also used rags for period, all my body is full of marks from beatings. my boyfriend paid my school fees from 100l to end, and caters for i and my siblings as much as he can. God bless him. dad never remarried but now wants to form friendship with us, and still unrepentant even complains that we don't take care of him.
ReplyDeleteI dread seeing him or calling him. how do I forgive?
I do not want to type long story.Some step siblings are mean.Dnt allow her into ur home o.Help them from a distance .
ReplyDeletePls DNt build any fucking relationship with them!! He wants to push hes responsibility to u Cos obviously ure married nd doing well, DNt allow those Kidd come to ur house ohh.. Evryone shuld mind their business..take care of ur Mom...
ReplyDeletePoster you story looks like my own situation. That was what my dad too is doing to my mum. I asked him why he did not ask for my mum all he will say is eeh i tried her line it was not going. I don't pick his call and i kept my steps away. There numbers are on reject list it will forever show missed calls.
ReplyDeleteFall your dad's hand. Dont make him comfortable. The day my elder sister gave him the epistle of how he treated us becos we were girls that was when he started cursing my sister whenever her name comes up. But my sister gave him a piece of her heart that he is bad father and so on.. he felt pained and he does not speak to my sister again.
Pls lavish all the love on ur mum, but ask her for her opinion cos mothers are always right ooo. I repeat keep them at arms length to avoid another chronicles. As for ur dad ignore him.
ReplyDeleteDon't allow them get any closer to your home, keep them at arms length.
ReplyDeleteThe truth remains that none of them would have asked for you if you are not comfortable.
17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
ReplyDelete“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
I have been reading all along and you are d only one who has used the word REVENGE here. Sorry my take is that u are out of context. Wisdom is principal here.
DeleteRomans 12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[d] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
ReplyDelete“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”[e]
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Forgiveness is divine,all d hurt in d world ends when we truely forgive,
ReplyDeletePls forgive and forget but keep a distance from them pls. Sincerely if you werent doing well, no one will remember or disturb your number with calls. I suspect your dad is tryna shift responsibilities to you, just saying
ReplyDeletePls forgive and forget but keep a distance from them pls. Sincerely if you werent doing well, no one will remember or disturb your number with calls. I suspect your dad is tryna shift responsibilities to you, just saying
ReplyDeleteForgive your father from afar and please don't allow your step sisters and and brothers to your home. Help them from a distance but never give them the room to know 100% believe if you are not doing OK financially they will never call you on d phone let alone coming to visit you. My dear be wise. I help my cousins from a distance no one is allowed to come to my house expect my sib. Be wise and Goodluck.
ReplyDeleteThank God you are doing well now that is why your dad is trying to create bond between them, please do not let them come near you and the only thing that will scare them away from you is seeing your mum all around you,continue to care for your dad if you have means to.
ReplyDeleteJust be careful in your dealings with them. As for your "serial" father (A.K.A baba gbogbo aye, baba general), forgive him & let God be the judge. I bet if had turned out to be poor & hungry, your father won't come close to you, it's your achievements that made him make up with you & to the extent of giving out your phone number. Talk to them only & the phone & assist financially if you are capable. Other than that, don't allow them into your home to avoid another chronicle. God bless your mom & siblings (not step)
ReplyDeletePls dont let her come to your house...tell her you might not be around and ask for her to send her account number to send a token to... and I think you shld keep them at arms length. .. dont pick their calls always. No over familiarity abeg...
ReplyDeleteMy little advice is forgive your dad but dont visit. Do not let your step sis ir anyone of them visit you at all. Send them money pray for them and thats it. Always inform your mum of all you are doing with them including your father so sje can advice you more.
ReplyDeleteI'm so angry at this chronicle. Your father is a selfish man. He didn't sow an now he wants to reap. Poster lemme be sincere with you if it where me I will forgive my dad but he won't see my one kobo. Shikom I won't give him, talk less of his wife an children, odiegwu. Just for Jesus sake take small Care of your father, but you see those half sisters and step mums of yours, better keep them at arms length. In fact do not let them come close to you. You have your own siblings, if you need visitation call your siblings. Your father's side is full of shit. Sorry to say.
ReplyDeleteYour dad didn't take care of you and your siblings,he never stood up to his responsibilities as a father and doesn't care about your mother till now,he just wants to transfer his present responsibilities to you now,if you were married to one road side mechanic and hawking akamu about,I bet he will be the first to laugh at you,I hate parents that relate with their children based on how successful they have become,forgive him for his ill treatment towards you but dearest,do not allow your half siblings into your home,I will advise you to help from a distance.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear Try and Forgive Your Dad...
ReplyDeleteIt ain't easy but with GOD on your Side, You can do it...
As for your Step Siblings and their Mother, DO NOT ALLOW THEM INTO YOUR HOME. HELP THEM FROM A DISTANCE!!!
Na By Experience I Dey Talk So!
Oh Lord! I really can relate but @ the long run what can we do dan to forgive. But even if she comes to visit her stay should not be long do that she won't get too comfortable. Most times they turn out to be informant. Then pray polygamous family can be something else
ReplyDeleteCome where? ? Heheh. Okay!
DeletePls try and forgive so u don't regret at last no matter what he is still ur father, even in his mind am sure he is restless cos looking back he was not a good father to you.
ReplyDeleteTry and use diplomacy in handling the relationship with all of them. Be wise!
Poster, just forgive the man jare. Won't call him ur father coz he only donated his sperm to birth u guys.
ReplyDeleteAs for the step-sister, tell her there's no room for an extra person in ur house. No space at all so she should just chill till there's space and that can be in the next life.
If they ask u for 10k, give 2k. If they ask for 50k, give 10k. If u overgive, u r just putting urself in more trouble. At times, tell them u don't av else you'll start bearing responsibilities that u don't know how it came about.
Let me advise u from a personal experience: don't let dem call u again period!!! My father had 5 kids from another woman and 3 of us from my mum, whom he was married to. He was fucking both of dem simultaneously cos there's is just a week's gap between me and one of da pikins. My mum went tru hell in da hands of my father cos of dat woman, she made a lot of sacrifices to bring us up; petty trading, hawking, church donations u name it.
ReplyDeleteYears later when my sister became a bank manager, built a house for my mum, opened a small shop for her, forgave my dad and allowed him stay in da house with her, his other kids became interested in knowing their "family". My mum being da kind hearted humble woman dat she is welcomed dem, the first two daughters came and wanted to become land ladies of my mum's life. In fact, we sent dem packing sharp sharp and since den have cut off all ties. Their mother had da guts to send a nasty letter to my mum, God saved her dat I don't know where she lives. Body for don tell her, stupid bitch!!!
Don't make dat mistek pls, they are nothing to u and it shud remain dat way or u will regret it. Pls be wise
Evilfamily members never change. Keep them far!
DeleteMy Dear I Understand how you feel. You would be asking yourself that how can my father say he loves me yet abhors my Mother..But Dear your mom did all for you and she will continue to eat the fruit by you ladies . God bless her.
ReplyDeleteNow back to you, your father is your father , you can't change that truth. You are left at your discretion not to have deep relationship with his 'step family' just be causal with them. But You have to forgive your father, you know forgiveness is not for your dad or his other family, its for your own good so that you can progress in life..Show him that respect he deserves, I tell you he will come to understand all the mistakes he made in his life...send him money, show him care and communicate.I believe if you treat him well and ask him questions.It maybe you and sister that will reconcile your mother to ur dad.I tell you forgiving is not easy but take it one step at a time and it will end in praise. ''Kill him with kindness''
Forgiveness is important but thread wisely. A word is enough for the wise. Don't carry the burden of becoming the peacemaker while someone else is working at destroying your home. Be wise, no over do.AVOID BECOMING A MUMU IN THE LONG RUN. Y is she coming? Y don't you pay the visits only when necessary? Take brain ps. Sha pray about it and ask God for direction. Your father is the unforgiving one not you! Your husband should know that. Also advise your father to ask your mum for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteForgive him. Life is too brief for grudges. I and my four siblings were single handedly raised by our Mum from birth until University. My Dad would still collect money from my Mum for whatever reason and borrow from others for my Mum to pay. Mind you, he had a job, but never cared. He left my Mum and us all for over 25 years and relocated to another State. My mum suffered. We all suffered. Trekked kilometres to school, went to the farm. I harvested and fried garri, did palm oil, enough farm work, we ate without fish or meat just to survive. I and my brother was among the worse dressed at University. People had to dash me clothes at Uni. Well, we have all forgiven him. We are all doing well, married , traveled abroad, based abroad, etc. We send money to my Dad and Mum now. God has removed poverty from us. So, my dear, forgive your Dad for the sake of your soul. Life is too brief to carry grudges. He'll not live forever and don't regret your lack of care for your Dad after he's gone to glory and it's too late.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is important but thread wisely. A word is enough for the wise. Don't carry the burden of becoming the peacemaker while someone else is working at destroying your home. Be wise, no over do.AVOID BECOMING A MUMU IN THE LONG RUN. Y is she visiting? Y don't you pay the visits only when necessary? Take brain ps. Sha pray about it and ask God for direction. Your father is the unforgiving one not you! Your husband should know that. Also advise your father to ask your mum for forgiveness.
ReplyDeleteI repeat on no account should u allow ur step sister into your home! Husband snatchers are everywhere.
ReplyDeleteMy advice to you is that your burden is easier or lifted when you forgive someine who hurt you. But that doesn't mean that you forget!
ReplyDeleteBecause your past is your identity.
Now...the thing is that Nigerians always abuse the issue of "help" or helping somebody. Are helping to look down on the person and make yourself feel good and better?
Don't forget that misfortune is never a monopoly. The advantage you have today in life can easily turn to curses by tomorrow.
Never...ever assume that your own fortunate situation is a right to be mean to people in need from you. It better that you help from your heart and be sincere or you should ignore and close the door to those people for good!
Why and how and what do you expect from your father to "care" about your mother?
If you wish to maintain relationship with your father and his own children from other women, why insist to bring your mother into the mix?
Nigerians should be careful playing with people's head! You don't expect a bitter person to be your best friend automatically. That may never happen. And you're very unrealistic because you use that as a condition, and hesitate to "help" whoever.
Shut the door for good and move on with your life now, or help without hidden agenda and manipulation on your part. Rise above pettiness!!!
Be the bigger person and show attitude of not being fake.
Dear Poster, Do the loving from a distance.
ReplyDeleteSend help, money if you can to him but do not bring them close.
Step sis is not your responsibility, occassional calls, airtime recharge and maybe money transfer will do. NO cash please.....ayamantanga things can happen.
Forgive you Dad, find that peace that grudge never gives. But it is not in your place to give him a soft-landing for the misbehaviour of his youth. Such terrible fathers and husbands naturally progress to cunny old men who manipulate everyone and lock heads all over the place. You owe his extra families no obligation whatsoever.
Do not try that vacation or visiting shit.....you do not know them. Let the closed ranks and bond remain with you and your own siblings. You bring that girl to your house, she will naturally assess your wellbeing and home finances. She will go back home and make comments no matter how innocent to her mom. What do you know about them, their heart and their resources especially with such info. Then a petty man like your dad could throw in comments, hailing you to high heavens, placing his other wives and kids on high jump, instigating envy and you and your sibling innocently get drawn in a preventable brouhaha.
The next chronicle, God forbid, will be hubby lost job, i got fired, sibling's downfall, mother died, step sis got preggy for the hubby...you clearly have no idea how shitty polygamous wars can go. See, if you feel your phone number is over-circulated, better change it oh! Do not let that irresponsible dad of yours push load and trouble on you. You are on very fragile grounds seeing your parents are seperated, he still hates her and you all did well through her sole hardwork. Face your Mum and family, do not let hasty and needless compassion crack your home.
Do not allow anyone psyche you with that Honour your father and mother talk..your Dad is reapping what he sowed. Save your head!!!
Well said dear. God bless your heart
DeleteWell said Empress and i hope the poster sees the bigger picture and avoids more chronicles in the future. Na monitoring spirit wan enter her house now. You better add more steps to the ladder and make it very long ehn. They will only use and dump you if you welcome this very one. She is coming to do assessment more like a survey from which the report will be routed to the other family and will be used against you and your hubby. Don't make this story a SUPER STORY dear poster, it is bad enough already. Except you feel that you have not had enough troubles in life already you may go ahead and receive the monitoring spirit.
DeleteIf you expect your father to ask after your mother's welfare because she took care of you while he cared less, you will be very very angry and disappointed, and it will only eat you up. Talking from experience, Your relationship is to both of them in a civil manner so you can enjoy your own life. Don't bug or worry your dad about it, and if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it (how you feel now about his careless attitude in your childhood years and how he refuses to acknowledge your mum), from his response, you do the right thing. But please, don't interfere in their relationship - It will only cause you emotional turmoil, even your husband is sensing that and you don't want your parents breakup to affect your own marriage.
ReplyDeleteMay God heal you completely.
Focus on your family for now and your emotional well-being - As for your dad and his and your half-siblings, let them too focus on their own lives. If you were dead, would they not live?
ReplyDeleteJus be careful with them please, be very careful and not too close but u can relate with them though but mepe anti GI ofuma
ReplyDeleteDear, please forgive him but keep your distance. There is no need for a relationship with him and his kids. I see a whole lot things that can go wrong here. Your father doesn't want a daughter but a meal ticket. Do not let them them into your home. I speak from experience. Please be careful and wise
ReplyDeleteThese pple are trouble ooooh! Ur husband already think u as unforgiving...bcos of them. Dont try to impress him and go against ur gut feeling oh! Bring close n wahala comes ur hubby will give 'da look'. And by d way help them on ur terms otherwise d will keep calling n demanding, n when u cnt give troubles starts.
ReplyDeleteSelfish man...forgive him but be careful with everyone of them
ReplyDeleteDear poster,have you spoken to your dad and let him know how he hurt you?Not shouting discussion oh,tell him your mind and let him know you don't owe him & his kids anything,If he can't forgive a woman who gave him 3 kids,what relationship does he want with you and your siblings?Without your mother's help and sacrifice,you won't be where you are today.Help your siblings from afar,send them whatever you can afford and keep them at arms length.Your husband hasn't walked in your shoes so he wouldn't understand.People will only lick Palm oil hand with you but they won't lick a hand with blood.
ReplyDeleteI was just going to catch up on headlines and go to bed but couldn't resist not dropping a comment and thats because I can relate to this to an extent.
ReplyDeleteI learnt a long time ago not to hold against my dad the things he didnt do for us that way I dont hate him. You might think you have forgiven him but for everytime you recount the wrongs, you feel this hate.
Just let it go sis, release your dad TOTALLY.As for your siblings,you share same dad so a part of you is in them so as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with them.You dont owe your step mums nothing but pleasantries, courtesy demands that.
If you love your dad, loving your step mum and siblings wont be hard.I would say accept them with open arms while wearing your sense cap and if they prove you wrong,push them away with same hands.
Thank you so much for all your kind words and advice. God bless you all. This is more than a blog.
ReplyDeleteMadam Stella , May God reward you. I never knew life can smile on me despite the hardship of yesteryears.
My sibling and i, God so bless us with wonderful hubbys. Very peaceful and full of conscience men. The very opposite of our dad. I believe God is compensating us. Mum has moved on long ago and we try our best to take care of her. May God keep her.
She constantly prays for our dad and always ask God to make him have a repentant heart.
I pray that God help us to forgive this man without looking back. Life is hmmmmmmm. Thank you all
Poster pls pls pls flee man that eat with d devil use a very very long spoon . U said it here that your father hate you & ur sibling cos of the hatred he has for your mum & he still shows that he hate her by not acknowledging her listen let me give u a prophesy now, ur father & his wives will send one of ur step siblings to bring juju to ur house to either, cause wahala& hatred btw u ,or ur sibling or ur husband just to get @ ur mum to make sure that all her effort is frustrated,if he is truly sorry & want to make peace he will come tru ur mum by asking for her forgiveness, u made a terrible mistake showing them u are comfortable & sending money to him knw it now ur father is ur worse enemy & take it the way u see it, u don't have to show ur husband dt u don't get along with him, I tried making peace with ky father after he abandon me & my sibling for 15goodyrs he came in & broke my marriage of 10yrs I had 2boys& agirl(3kids) he also engineered my ex husband to leave the upkeep of my kids to me, he & my ex hubby are best of friends now he laughs @ my calling me like mother like daughter,now off d str though am still very pretty,thank God I will be getting married again soon to a richer guy I can't even imagine I will be married to but dis time I have learnt my lesson.so what am I saying pls block both it father& his polygamus home mind ur mum,sibling &ur husband,once in a while tell ur husband that dady ask after him wen you spoke with him on d fone, pls pretend he is ur friend in ur husbands presence, DON'T LET ANY OF THEM IN UR HOME PLS OOOO TO AVOID THE STORY THAT TOUCH THE HEART,they won't rest until they see u & ur mum cry that is their aim & target. FLEE ALL WORKS OF DEVIL ESP UR DAD,WIVES & HIS POLYGAMUS CHILDREN. I DON TALK FINISH ,God really loves you, I AM TALKING TO U FROM EXPERIENCE WHICH IS THE BEST TEACHER.
ReplyDeleteAre you kidding me? Hehehe. This is Nigerian movie oh! If we saw in on Africa Magic now we will say it's exaggeration! Ehen.... 👏🏽
DeleteOh my God am crying wen reading dis comment may the Lord be ur strength, honestly I learn a lot from this comment particularly esp on how to handle my dad's issue Infact from today any contact/help demanded should come tru my mum, to avoid stories ooo so she can supervise, approve & pray over it cos she single handedly train me & my 4 siblings alone while my dad they form , Devils incarnate now he is coming close too without acknowleging my mum I have to retrace the steps of my siblings not to get close oo b4 he hurt us just to get @ our mum. Some men are devil honestly .
DeleteMy dear poster, we are in same boat. Only we stayed with mum and she is the best mum any one can wish for. Now sperm donor is acting all fatherly which i dont find funny. My sisters and i are doing fantastic. He sent me a message the other day saying my sister (his kids with another wife that we've never met) is in a neighboring state for her youth service. And i said shwoo! which my sister! (Because my 2 elder sisters are married with kids and done with service mighty years ago)And he called a name. I just typed "seen". This is a man that left when i was just 2 weeks old and my elder sisters were 4 and 2 years old, married another woman and had kids and never checked on us. My mum suffered to train us all and thank God we're all good children. Now some 31yrs later he suddenly remembers he donated sperm some years back and wants to reap. I was out of the country and he called that i should buy him something. In my head i said shwoo see this one o, when my mama de there! De wait! Ole! Infact my story long....
ReplyDeletePoster, as much as I would have loved to encourage you to forgive n forget, I can't cos it wouldn't be in your best interests. Leave ur father, his wives n kids alone. They have no love at all for you n ur siblings. They r just interested in you for what they can get from you. If u had been unsuccessful, would they have formed these closeness n interest? Don't allow them into your lives to avoid regrets. Ur dad's attitude towards yr mum till the present really says a lot about how he truly feels about you n your siblings. Be wise!
ReplyDeleteMy family story is similar to yours and out of all 7 kids, I suffered more and was chased out of my dad's house while in SS2. I suffer no be small. But guess what? I am wiser, more experienced in all ramification and they all look up to me. This is not to say that they are not doing well oooo. Dad died years later after reconciliation with all kids and all, all kids grown, most are married,few are still in school ect..........That same house I was chased out of is an empty house today with no one living in it. I am happy I forgave him even if I still kept my very long distance while he was alive. My sadness today is that he never lived to see us do so good today and enjoy the unmerited labor. Bottom line is, pls forgive your dad, have a cordial relationship with your siblings and keep a very long distance. Life is too short for you to start holding grudge till its too late. And most uimportantly, take veryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy good care of your mum pls. They all deserve it.
ReplyDelete