Saturday In House Gists...

Hopefully these gists Entertain you....

Please read my end note..

GIST ONE

My fellow blog visitor,my own saturda‎y laugh has landed,and it goes has follows!!!sometimes years back, my mother a business woman,CAN STINGY FOR AFRICA,whenever asked for money she laments each passing day,that their wasn't sales @ shop,so we the children knew her with the words,NO SALES!!!but what we the children noticed but never realized was that whenever she comes home from shop each night,the first place she goes into,is the toilet with her handbag,not knowing the toilet was her own bank,where she saved her own money till day breaks!!she removes the top of the wc (the water closet  of toilet seat)and keeps the money she makes each day,before heading to the bank in the morning to deposit it,don't ask  me how possible is that,its so possible in the sense that we don't have water coming into our flat,so we do with mallam (aboki)fetching water for us,and pours it into the water can,we had in the toilet,so their wasn't used for the wc for flushing rather we made use of bucket to use to flush!!

My mama go remove the top of the wc put money for there and close am back,and then come out from the toilet and pretend has usual that their wasn't sales,but the day we catch am for the act,na the day my elder sister and I were fast asleep in our room in the middle of the night, only for my elder sister to jump up and started shouting fire oh,fire oh!the house is on fire!!!we all jumped up from sleep,thinking our building was on fire,not realizing that where she got the scream fire, was from the church in the next street,where a revival was taking place(where their told them to cast away the devil by screaming Fire)we all jumped out of bed,running‎ from our room to my parent room,to alert them of the building been on fire,and that we had to vacate the flat has soon has possible,we were all running to the door to open it,and leave our flat.

when we noticed our mother running into the toilet screaming my money ooooo,my money must not burn ooo,she ran into the toilet,and went straight to the wc,to get her money,the top of the wc came crashing down and broke into bits,because of the speed she went for the money,we all watched her with open eyes and was full of shock ,only for us to get downstairs our building,and realized that it was a FALSE ALARM!!we got back upstairs and tease her,so the toilet be your own savings account abi(MADAM NO SALES!!!trust her since that day,she stopped hiding her money in the toilet when she realized that her secret has been let out of the bag!!!ABEG MAKE UNA VOTE FOR ME Ooooo

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GIST 2

I visited my brother's place for a short stay. So on Sunday morning,we

all prepared for church. We are to go for second mass. I jejenly wore

my flat shoes after dressing up,but my sister in law was like babe

this flat shoes won't bring out the beauty of your gown. She went to

her wardrobe and brought out this fine shoes,I don't even know how

many inches (I will attach the picture). Okay oh. I wore the shoe but

it was a bit tight for me because I am size 38 or 39, but she wears 37

or 38. My sensible mind was telling me to forget this shoe and wear my

flat shoes then my other mind was telling me "babe you need to rock

this opportunity " . Okay oh, finally I wore the shoe and I was like

since the distance from the house to the church is not that far,I can

manage.( like 10 minutes walk at most).

I was now like 5 minutes away from church ground.....tiiiiaaaaa omo

see gbege. I raised my leg and the shoe front sole gave away. .. I was

like " kaiiii I don enter" !

To make matter worse,the first mass just ended and people were

trooping out. I was there standing at the junction ( between habib

street and Arufa street), I didn't know if I should go back or

continue,but when I thought of how I will be limping to go and give

offering or to go and receive holy communion, I decided to go back. On

my way back, I   was hearing sneaky comments from people... one was

like " nne na by force to wear heels ? "another one was like " Negodu

ihe nwa rigoje ( see what this girl go climb!)

Another was like "na by force to grow tall"

I felt like the ground should open and swallow my shame that moment.

I didn't even bother going back to church.

When they came back from church, My sister in law was like" sis I

didn't see you at the church again., what happened ?

I only showed her the shoe cos I couldn't talk ... mehn see as she

tear laugh give me, like the one I received on the street wasn't

enough.

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GIST 3

Good day Stellakork the onye ukwu sarambala 1 of SDK ville... U want

to tell a story.

STORY STORY? STO..RY

ONCE UPIN A TIME... TIME TIME

There is this lecturerer in my department called Mr Okadigbo.

Okadigbo is a self acclaimed old soldier that tells stories a lot. He

can tell stories from the beginning of his period to the end without

teaching. We normally have his class on the 2nd floor of a very old 3

storey building that looks like it will collapse at any moment. Me I

normally sit close to the door incase of any incasity. LOL

So I went to class on wednesday after a very heavy rain. I almost

refused entering class due to the condition of the building coupled

with the fact that I was carrying out a research on the role of

obsolescence in the collapse of buildings but decided against it

because Okadigbo doesnt joke with his attendance.

I sha went in and sat on the seat closest to the door. Okadigbo came

 in in his usual manner and began...

' in 1759 when i worked is a cadet in the Nigerian army...' there was

a noise at the window, I looked up and saw sand falling. ShUuu... nor

be building dey collapse so? come see run! I was among the first to go

out as the baddest guy ever liveth that I is. Come see Okadigbo dey

drag the staircase with students. It wasnt funny at all. It was later

we discovered the cause of the commotion. Artisans were tiling an

office on the 3rd floor so they packed the broken cement floor and

threw it out the window!

Hahaha. Okadigbo has vowed not to enter our class again and he hasnt

even introduced hus course for the semester. Na die we dey

This is the end of my story

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GIST 4

Good day everyone.Straight to the gist.This incidence happened

yesterday at the place we went for teachers'interview.The interview

kicked off with easy writing captioned*WHY I CHOSE TEACHINF AS A

CAREER*So we began writing immidiately because we were given a little

space of time to round up.Meanwhile there is this particular lady in

our group,(we were grouped according to qualifications)prior to the

interview,she had been gisting us of how she had gone to various

schools for interview.infact according to her she was looking for the

highest bidders.I was even looking for a means to get her number after

the interview so she can help me with the address of the schools

around the the town cos am new.

So back to the gist.As we were sitting

on the same desk writing the essay,the supervisor noticed that she

kept on asking me questions,he then spaced us and warned us against

any kind of interaction as long as the exam lasted.So after the

essay and oral interviews,(tho the oral  was done one by one),it was time

for dictation/micro teaching,that was where the whole drama began.

come and see real drama on the board those of us into teaching can atest to

how humilating micro teaching can be esp wen you lack the self esteem

and confidence.So it got to the turn of  this my wonderful teacher

that i planned making friend cos she knows so many schools,the real

drama began.first her 6inches h......

******Now let me address something here which i feel is wrong.

Maybe my mindset is different but the reason i started in house gists was for fun but along the line i decided to attach monetary award to it becos i just wanted to make it funnier.

I did not want to bring it here how rude most of the recipients of MY HARD EARNED money have been and how they do not even come back to say thank you.Some even insult me via email but i still give the money because my word is my bound.

The winner of last week's gist has officially pissed me off and i am closing this section to think of something else or nothing at all.

The supposed winner email bombed me commanding or ordering me to pay up the 10k naira....for Chrissakes 10k means nothing to me ,if you do not classify me amongst Millionaires,at least trust that i can afford 10k or more?

Most times i pay a week after win because i hate to do Banking stuff and i always explain to wait...which i mailed this person severally but whosai!!!

Maybe I am too unavailable?too friendly?...Maybe i should close all doors and just blog stories without caring?

I am done with explaining please.....You cannot come here and insult me and expect to get anything from here,that is the same reason i closed the free advert section inside IHN,If there is another blog that advertises for free and tolerates the ISH then i will be happy to direct you there.

I am not angry or upset but some things are unacceptable.

Lets move on..Enjoy today's gist.This is the last in house gists,any other funny gist that comes in will be posted inside IHN henceforth.

Kisses!