Saturday In House Gists...

There is a lesson to learn in every gist!
Enjoy these gists and concentrate on the message.Pray we find a winner for the 5k 'mineral money' today.

GIST ONE

OGA TITUS IS A VERY FUNNY GUY THAT HIS SONG MADE ME LIKE DON JAZZY

CREW MORE. SO I PRESENT TO YOU OGA TITUS PHONE

CONVERSATION WITH HIS GIRL FRIEND QUINCY .... IN THIS RIHABU RECESSION ERA O.

QUINCY: Honey do you still love me like before?

OGA TITUS: Yes My queen, you know I do. My love for you will never change.

QUINCY: aww Thats my boo. sweetheart I want

you to buy me somthing.

OGA TITUS: Just name it!

QUINCY: okay darling .... Honey you know I need to upgrade to the

latest version.

OGA TITUS: No problem my Queen Just find

out the price and let me know.

QUINCY: Honey Actually It is sold at Ikeja shopping mall at a giveaway

price of N350,000.

OGA TITUS: oh really Is it manual or authomatic? Have you checked the

fuel consumption too?

QUINCY: oh Honey it is not a car oh...It's a phone... Samsung galaxy S7

OGA TITUS: Phone?!!!!!!!!! !!!!! that means it will have Air

conditioner, fridge, generator set, plasmaa,wardrobe,Helicopter shey??

QUINCY: No dear but it has 12 mega pixel camera,etc...

OGA TITUS: silent

QUINCY : honey Are you buying it or not?

OGA TITUS: Please i am not oh! Infact I can't!

QUINCY: Helloooooo!

OGA TITUS: silent silent silent

QUINCY : HELLOOOOOO HONEY!

OGA TITUS : Silent

QUINCY: Don't even bother again.I will call Alhaji to get it for me

this evening.

OGA TITUS: Better still call Arthur he will be faster. I no do again!

QUINCY : am going to block you.

OGA TITUS: Is your fone hanging? Because I have blocked you since you

mentioned Samsung S7 or whatever.....Gerrarahia mehn

kikikikikikikihehehehehehe

heavenly inspiration

hope you laughed.

Please vote for my gist ... I want to win o .... in fact I need to win.

honest hustle of a Nigerian student ....remember Please I need your votes

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GIST TWO

This happened on Monday this week and  any BV that have done this can relate to my story. Please help me post it in "In House Gist" 

  After reading about the hyner man with HIV doing cleansing for women and the lady that her room mate  is a HIV +ve having random sex wit 30 boyfriends, I got  scared since then. 

On Sunday when Mrs. Korkus posted SnM special for HIV people, fear did not let me open  it because the first one she posted had 132 comments immediately and I said to myself (without even opening the post out of fear) that if all these people  that commented on this post are HIV +ve, then I may have the virus because I have random sex without protection. I started feeling malaria that night. 

   On Monday being 12/09/2016, I made a bold step to the  hospital to know my status. When I reached the hospital, I saw some other patients sitting down but I went to the nurse sitting with them  and told her that I wanted to see the lab scientists, that I want her to run a test on me. She asked me  what type of test. 

The whole patients there (6 in number including the nurse) were looking at me to respond. Mehn!!!  I thought of what to call the test so that those patients will not know what I said, but no word came up. The nurse said "please sir I'm still waiting"  Nna mehn, I bone my face and swallowed my shame an replied "HIV test". The nurse smiled and said "is that why it took you some mins to talk". 

   We went over to her table, she asked me my name and age. I gave her fake ans (should in case the result turn out to be +ve). After that, I paid and she directed me to the lab where I had the test. The Dr.  collected my blood sample for the test and told me that  I have to wait  before the result will be out, but I told her that I can't wait because I am going to work and will collect the result on my way back from work. I asked the Dr. for her phone number, so that I will call her to know the result.

 She told me that it is against the ethics of her profession, that  I should come or wait and collect my result (for my mind, I don't want to collect the result if it happens to be +ve). 

She told me that since I have the courage to run the test that I should have no fear collecting the result. I told her that the courage to collect the result is higher. Then I left for work. 

   On my way to work, a car almost hit me and they parked and apologized to me  and  I accepted but in my mind I said  "is it not better that this man kill me so that people will say I had an accident and died than people saying that I died HIV +v". 

    Throughout that day in my shop, I stayed quiet like someone that is being maltreated. A friend of mine asked me "why all this quietness?" I  replied him "I  am having serious malaria". He said sorry and left. I was busy thinking of how to go to another state to be receiving treatment if I end up testing +ve because I don't want to run in to  people I know while receiving treatment. 

    Later that evening as I closed my shop, I headed straight to the hospital my heart was beating faster like 1 million times per second. I was praying since morning, begging God to make it -ve. On my way to the hospital, I saw this beautiful ebony lady, tall with size 30 waist and  coconut size bweast (in Kelvin's voice) I forgot my prayer and started starring at this lady thinking of how to start a conversation with her and also collect her number. Lo and behold, I hit my toes on a stone and almost feel down. The lady laughed and said "sorry" (it seems that she noticed that I was staring at her). 

I replied "OK" that was when my brain reset to normal and I remembered that I was praying. Immediately I started asking God for mercy inside my heart, so that he will forgive me and make me test -ve. I bone the lady immediately. Did I forget to tell u that on my way to work, I saw a bill board that reads:

          "HIV & AIDS  is real.

          Practice safe with one partner.

         Hate the virus and not the patient" 

   I said to myself that maybe God is trying to console me indirectly. The worst part is that the driver of the bus I entered  tuned from music station to a station counseling people to practice safe sex. For my mind I said "which kind wahala be this naaah". I told the driver to tune it back to the music station, the whole passengers said NO, that they like the station that it is interesting that if I don't like it that I should come down. Omo mehn!!! I respected myself and keep mouth muted till I reached my bus/stop. 

    As I entered the hospital, I went straight to the Lab scientists and demanded for my result and she handed it over to my. I summoned the highest courage in me and opened it, my fellow BVs lo and behold it was HIV -ve. I laughed with the highest happiness I never expected. The whole malaria disappeared, that was when I knew I was not suffering from malaria but fear. 

 The Dr. (that is the lab scientists) asked me if I still need her phone number, I said no and told her that the -ve sign said it is against the ethics of my result. We laughed and I left.  

    My real gf visited me that evening. During collecting time, after romancing   I picked my two condoms ( I have already torn the sachet and kept it well so that the pu**y juice will not touch the inside on the process of putting it on since I will finger her) put it on and wanted to put my thing inside her something(in James voice). She told me to wait that I have not give her head and why am I putting on two condoms at the same time. I told her that the Dr. said that giving head normally causes cancer of the throat and as for the condoms, the Dr said safe sex is very important. 

I noticed the disappointment on her face but she can't help it because her something is already drawing like okro (in James voice). (as for me, no more head till i marry and I will be a satisfied Headmaster to my wife alone) 

   This is the end of my story and the moral lessons are:

** Random sex is not good. 

** Practice safe sex always with one partner. 

      SDK is Bae, BVs are family members. I love u all. #OneLove.

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GIST THREE

It happened in Owerri 2days ago. I heard it yesterday at lunch.

This world is becoming even more scary oh. A newly married man saw a prostitute clothed

seductively by the road.

She was just to sexy to be overlooked. He picked her up

and abandoned the way home to a hotel. He lodged in with her. In less than five minutes he was on top of her. The prostitute was as flexible as a snake. When he was having sex with her, her moanings sounded like a 'hissing snake'.

But he was carried away with her moves and didn't really give his concern to it. The married man had sex with her over and over

again.

.

Paid her more than what they bargained. He woke up at voodoo hour with the intention of

having another round with her.

He didn't find her on the bed.

He heard hissing sounds in the bathroom..He scrambles out of bed and saunters to the bathroom.

He opened the door.

His heart beat drummed heavily as he saw big pythons

talking to each other. He screamed loudly. The pythons leaped on him.

He ran to the door and found it locked..The pythons crawled to him. He shouted for help

and banged the door.

The pythons got to him and jumps to strike him.

""

""

Immediately he woke up!

And almost screamed but couldn't when he discovered

it was just a nightmare. The room was dark. The lights were switched off he felt...He felt.something cold touching his body. He searched with his hands and it felt like a

cylinder with a hard skin impregnated with scales.

.

He finally felt something trying to swallow his head. He.touched it and discovered it was a big snake.trying to.swallow him up. The room wasn't dark.

His head, down to his chest was inside the snake's mouth. The snake's poisonous saliva covered his face.

He started struggling and struggling. But the snake pinned him down. He tried to scream for help but couldn't because

if he opens his mouth, the snake's poisonous saliva

will flow in and he will unavoidably swallow it forcefully. He kicked his leg, used his hands but the snake was too strong. He managed to bite the snake's tongue.

The snake got wounded and involuntarily vomits him. He looked at the snake with blood on his mouth and discovered it was a big python.

He grabbed an empty bottle and smashed the python..The python collapsed..He jerked up and jumped out of the bed. He started screaming for help.

He dashed out of the hotel.

He got home, looking all clean and cool. His wife was asleep already.

He crawled into the bed beside his wife and slept off. He woke up almost at dawn and discovered his wife has turned into a snake..

.

The wife told him everything he did and how he stroke a python dead. Before he could apologise, his wife tod him she was her mother disguised in a different body. He cheated on her with her mother. She got so angry. The man almost committed suicide. His wife told him to return to that hotel and carry her mother back to the house if not she'll kill him.

.

He left immediately and rushed down to the hotel. He went straight to the hotel room and found his wife, mother-inlaw, his sister, his mother in the room..They were all hissing like snakes. Immediately he realised they were all in the same secret cult. They stood up and watch him without saying a word. Great panic gripped him by the throat. He couldn't talk..... And the only problem now is....

**I just don't know how to end this FAKE STORY...****

Mtcheww www... Fake story joor...hahahahaha

.

I'm sorry if I scared you. No vex. Infact, if u like make u vex self, u go fight me?