Labour Room Drama - 2

*Goose Bumps*

Sometime ago, on my way back from the market, I quickly dashed into a nearby supermarket. I bought three bottles of three different alcoholic beverages. I went to a nearby eatery and bought Sharwarma.

 I got home, went straight to my bedroom, ate the Sharwarma and consumed two bottles of the alcoholic drinks. I fell on the cold floor and dozed off. When I woke up, I knew I was pregnant.

I told my husband I was pregnant. He was surprised because we weren’t planning on having kids then. He said, “since you are sure it’s pregnancy, let’s make love now. I don’t want one finger or any body part to be missing. Just that once, you are pregnant? Take your position on the bed, let’s perfect the previous work”.

Me : “How many times will you kill a tiger before you are called a tiger killer?”

We travelled out. I registered for ANC when we got back. I didn’t bother with all those routine drugs. I substituted the drugs with their natural food sources (I hate drugs). I made sure I took the folic acid though. I was a strong pregnant woman. Each visit to the clinic, the doctor would write UNEVENTFUL PREGNANCY in my file.

After 36 weeks of pregnancy, I was tired of being pregnant. I looked forward to my baby’s arrival. 

At 40 weeks, on the day I had doctor’s appointment, I told my husband to shave my pubic hairs and cut my fingernails and toenails. I dressed lovely, put on make-up and arrived the hospital. I told the doctor I was ready to give birth. 

He told me to lie down for examination. As he put his fingers inside my something, I screamed and told him I was kidding about giving birth that day. He laughed at my pain and reminded me that something bigger than his fingers would come out from there. 

The cervix was already dilated to 2cm or 4cm so I was told to go get my bag.

I went back home, cooked jollof rice for my guy and headed back to the hospital. I was assigned a private ward. I asked for a magazine to read. The TV was on too. I requested for sausage roll and soda. I felt more like in a hotel room than in a hospital room. 

My cervix was still strong. Labour was induced intravenously around 1pm. By 5pm, I felt serious pain like menstrual cramp. I hollered at a nurse who was busy watching Zee World. I was taken to the labour room.

While in pain, the two nurses would say “Madam Sorry”. The nurse in charge came to me and said, ‘madam, please co-operate with me when the time comes’. I retorted, “are we in a co-operative union, please go away”. They laughed. I laughed too. I bore my pain without showing it because what else would they say if not SORRY!

 I felt like urinating but then I was already dilated to 8cm or so, they didn’t let me go. They used a tube to suck it out. The N-in C told me to tell her when I felt like poo-ing because I was not talking or shouting. I was quiet but in my heart, I was praying seriously. The nurse ruptured my amniotic sac. By 7pm, the doctor came and massaged my cervix. I felt better. At 10cm, the nurse checked and told me my baby was crying and wanted to come out. I doubted that babies cry in the womb but this is true as I learnt later. She used olive oil to massage my cervix to aid the pushing. By 7.30pm, I felt like pooing, I pushed but the pain stopped. I stopped pushing too. An elderly nurse who walked in earlier, told me I didn’t push well. 


She told me to hold my ankles next time I wanted to push. At  7.40pm, the pain came again. I held my ankles and pushed. I heard, “madam, your baby’s head is out, push with all your strength so that you don’t strangle the baby”. I wanted to look at the head but I was like, shebi I will still see this head later. I pushed with all my strength. A beautiful hairy baby came out and the whole pain disappeared. Baby weighed 4.1kg. The doctor came in to congratulate me. I thanked God, the nurses and the doctor. 

After cleaning me, I showered. My baby was already dressed and was waiting for me in the room. I held her, kissed her forehead, prayed for her, prophesied on her and then I called my baby daddy.


*Wow!!!