Saturday In House Gists...

We had some IHG sent in for today segment and today the rules are different.

Please check out for Construction and the way the gist was delivered....

Gists are all unedited...check out for spellings.Most times i ask that articles be edited for clarity but some people send in words i cannot even help them edit cos i dont know what they mean....

The winner would have to be the one whose gist passes all test of clarity,funny,clear and simple English or pidgin and well a spelt out gist

*BV James can you help us pick the winner from the votes in the comment section?Votes from the comment section is not so important.The Judge, James must agree with the votes or choose who he feels won and give his reasons..lol

GIST 1

This happened to me last month and its something I will hardly forget. 

 On this particular day, i decided to look better with makeup cos I always prefer natural, my lovely gown and heels were on point, was feeling so fly and chick coupled with the admiration and praises from my colleagues but I no no say sis nkechi's thunder was waiting for me somewhere. Around 3, I decided to rush out for an appointment as the cloud wasnt friendly at all.  

On my way inside a public transport it started raining infact it was a heavy down pour so the driver cdnt continue,  I ran into a bus stop to join others I saw there, the rain wasnt stopping and it was getting late, as faith will have it a bus came shouting the name of the place I was herding to. I felt relieved at last and went to jump in.

 There was no way to differenciate the road and gutter as the flood was so much, fiaaaaaam I landed into the gutter, my bag scattered, my head on the road while the remaining was inside the gutter. No one even bothered to help me dnt blame them though cos it was still raining. 

With my shakara gone I managed to climb out like one participating in gulder ultimate search, as I turned to get satchet water from the little kiosk abi mtn stand nearby at least to wash my face omooo come see laugh, it was coming from all corners. They where just laughing and saying sorry at same time for those that had conscience, i thank God my heels werent broken, the speed i used to turn away from the crowd and zoom into the bus like tom and jerry eeh i cant describe it.

 I begged the driver to move quickly before I die of shame, the conductor out of pity bought two  sachet of chilled water for me. Right inside the bus I started having a semi bath, thanks to my scarf that served as sponge and towel, the pain no be here imagine cleaning an open wound with chilled water.

 It wasnt funny that day but when I remember it now I just laugh, please lets always learn to help others and not laugh at their bad situations.

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GIST 2

Let me compete for the 20k o, very necessary in this buhari time.

So I'm a member of Facebook group for women, I recently joined and was very excited. 

It was a place I could express myself without judgement and yes I over expressed myself. 

One day there was a post about missing your ex and trying to let go. I decided to comment and talked about my ex, that I loved my ex more than my husband but knew he was not going to make me happy in the long run because I loved him more. And I chose my husband over him and I have never regretted it and I know that with time I will learn to love my husband as he loves me. 

My people I felt I had spoken well and helped another sister, until I received a notification. So so and so liked your comment, I clicked to check and among the names was my mother inlaw. Hey! I had no idea she was a member of the group, never seen her comment before. I started thinking about all the other things I have written that she must have seen. I was practically praying for the ground to open and swallow me.

What if she tells her son? I quickly deleted my comment first of all. Next thing I received a message from her on facebook, I refused opening it. I was so scared and didn't know how I'll respond if she decides to talk about it. 

When I got home I summoned courage and opened it, it read how are my children dear. Guilty conscience did not let me reply, that was how I jejely deactivated my Facebook account. This happened on Monday, I still don't even know how I'll handle the matter when we meet. 

Chai!

 I shot myself in the foot, that is my story o. Vote for me

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GIST 3

So my gist goes like this, I happen to have a jealous boyfriend. He's

quite insecure and doesn't like to see me with any guy not even normal

friends, I love him so I've learnt to manage him like that and not

give him reasons to be jealous. So where I stay, there's this my

neighbour that has been disturbing seriously to date him and my

boyfriend is aware. 

Cause of that I avoid the neighbour like plague

when my bf is around, I stay with my sister and her child but my bf

visits me regularly.

Behind him sha, this my neighbour and I are quite close. So I had this

wedding to attend, an old friend was getting married and I honestly

didn't want to go with keke and reveal my broke condition jare after

years of graduating. Make I package small incase I see some other old

friends, my bf was outta town so this my neighbour volunteered to take

me to the wedding, and I happily agreed.

We went together took pics (hard copy) and all, had fun. Knowing my

boyfriend, I knew I had to destroy those pix so he never gets to see

them especially since I didn't tell him I went to the wedding with my

neighbour . But I wanted to snap the pictures so I can have a copy and

crop the guy out, to be safe I decided to cut the guy out of the pix

and just keep my half to snap later. 

While I was doing all these detective work my niece saw me and asked what I was doing, I told her that I was keeping uncle emeka's (my bf) part of the picture for him. Cause I didn't want to push the matter before she talks when her mum is around, and my sis will give me a lecture on how I don't respect my

bf.

Anyway something came up and I just arranged the pics back in the

picture nylon to continue later, that was how I forgot about the pix.

My bf eventually returned and visited, we were just gist and my niece

was there. They are quite close, and she likes him a lot. So I went to

make noodles for him and they were playing and gisting. When I was

done I came out and behold my bf was holding all the torn pictures and

just glancing through, while my niece was busy scattering the whole

shelf looking for something.

 I was weak, the worst part was that myniece saw me and innocently asked " aunty where is uncle emeka's picture that's you kept for him, it's only uncle nonso's own I'm seeing ".

I was just speechless

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GIST 4

How d weekend my fellow bvns? So i rembered this incident that

happened while i was in my second year in school and decided to send

it in cos the thing funny die.

I lived in a face me i slap you compound without fence in school. So

on this fateful day at about 3am, i was sleeping in my room when

someone tap me on my feet saying Kay wake up abeg. I thought i was

hallucinating, then i heard my name again. I opened one eye and saw a

human figure infront of me in my room of which i live alone, i shouted

and ran out,(omo usain bolt gat nofin on me) na so i pick race even

fall the guys dem  cos i was sure i locked my door before going to

bed. The guys ran after me saying kay wait nau na chairman be this(my

lodge mate). I recognised his voice then stopped. 

Then i shouted on him saying chairman for dis life ehn...no ever play this kind play with me. Him say no ooo no be so  and then he started his explanation

say dem don rob us for we compound o... I said shuoo! I looked round

the compound and it was disorganised, things scartered everywhere with

few people outside. Shuo! so how manage una take enter my room na?(d

thieves already spoilt my door) Na so i collect rechargeable zoom off

enter my room. My people, na so my room empty. Dem carry me like

feather put for ground carry my new foam, my stove, and phone( i no

kuku get any other better thing). 

I shouted i am finished oooooo I con rush out confused and destabilized. Na then chairman con explain give us o. Him been dey come back from outing with him friends na so dey see one peaugeot motor( dat one dey call peacup) the pack things from students room o and them sef con dey wonder wetin dey happen. So them come flash touch pauuuu na so the driver zoom off, the other two when still d pack things leave am pick race. Them cha pursue them small but due to fear fear they no catch any. I say Choi dis thing no be

ordinary. How i go dey sleep when person go spoil my door like that

and i no go know? I know say i no dey sleep like that na. Even if na

rat shake plate i don wake so how manage? One guy where him room dey

next to mine, them carry him i pass my neighbour gen and dvd with

laptop. Others na phones, electronics e.t.c

So the process of flashing touch nau, we con see enough charm for

centre of the compound. Among the items mounted were the stick used in

measuring dead body for coffin,four bent iron used by native doctors

nailed on the stick,tied with red wool,red cloth,a liquid substance

poured around these items, two whitish stones,a dried bat, and others

of which i don't even know the names. Immediately i saw these items, i

remembered the story my grand father told me about the stick in

measuring dead body, how some wicked people use it to rob. Any

compound they mount it, the whole occupants will fall asleep and will

only wake when the person using the charm decide to release them or

maybe hours after the person must have gone. So i heard coffin makers

now bury it with the coffin to avoid all these stories. I actually

thought it was a myth until that day.

Na wa! So we now decided to wake others up. Those that they robbed,

their doors were open so it was easy to wake them up(though not that

easy cos we practically dragged them outside and poured water on their

faces). They couldn't get to the rooms at the back before they were

interrupted by chairman and his two friends so those ones, their doors

were locked. We banged and banged on their door, still they didn't

wake up. We used big stones, stick, shouted all to no avail. So the

few of us awake decided to do vigil incase they'll come back. Na so we

light the rechargeable oo till day break. I say na here i go dey

today, no leave no transfer.

Could you believe the charm didn't clear off and they all woke up at

about 10am. Some even had 7am test, some lectures.(no be small yabbing

that day o) Na so we gather, removed the charm when dem mount o. The

thing con be like movie as our compound full. Then we called an

elderly man close to us, he came and took those items. I packed my

things and started staying with a friend in the hostel. The next

semester, i moved to another lodge. I no fit shout abeg, make them no

come carry person pikin from room do rituals. I cannot come and go and

begin vomit money o.

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GIST 5

Let me compete for the 20k o, very necessary in this buhari time.

So I'm a member of Facebook group for women, I recently joined and was very excited. 

It was a place I could express myself without judgement and yes I over expressed myself. 

One day there was a post about missing your ex and trying to let go. I decided to comment and talked about my ex, that I loved my ex more than my husband but knew he was not going to make me happy in the long run because I loved him more. And I chose my husband over him and I have never regretted it and I know that with time I will learn to love my husband as he loves me. 

My people I felt I had spoken well and helped another sister, until I received a notification. So so and so liked your comment, I clicked to check and among the names was my mother inlaw. Hey! I had no idea she was a member of the group, never seen her comment before. I started thinking about all the other things I have written that she must have seen. I was practically praying for the ground to open and swallow me.

What if she tells her son? I quickly deleted my comment first of all. Next thing I received a message from her on facebook, I refused opening it. I was so scared and didn't know how I'll respond if she decides to talk about it. 

When I got home I summoned courage and opened it, it read how are my children dear. Guilty conscience did not let me reply, that was how I jejely deactivated my Facebook account. This happened on Monday, I still don't even know how I'll handle the matter when we meet. Chai! I shot myself in the foot, that is my story o. Vote for me

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GIST 6

Hi SDK and SDKers, I decided to share this gist after much consideration lols. I pray it wins so I can help a suffering fellow.

There was this fine girl in my department, she was everything a man would want his girl to be physically. She was tall with good sizeable hips and boobs. She rounded it up with a beautiful face and spotless skin.

Well, I chased her for about 8months before she finally agreed to date me. We started hanging out after lectures, go out during wekends and all. Finally, after 3months, she came to spend the night with me. Did I tell you that she did not allow any kind of 'pyessing' or touching for these three months. She said she was still 'studying' me lols. She guided her chest region in particular very well.

On the 'D' day, she agreed to spend a night with me and I took good care of her that evening before retiring to bed. This girl took her bath and wore her undies including bra in the bathroom and came out, wore my Tshirt and boxers, then retired to bed. I just dey observe, I also took my bath, came back and lay beside her. After much gisting, I started touching, she touched me back, I wanted to pyess bwess(in Kelvin's voice) she removed my hand. By this time, my JT was on flames. I touched and played with every other part of her body except her chest region, she removed all she had on except her bra, I became suspicious. After about one hour of thoroughly working with my finger, I suddenly pulled down her bra unexpectedly. My people, what did I see?

Two foams fell off, the bra was padded with enough foam to make my pillow too. Lastly, I saw only two big nipples staring at me. My JT bowed in shock, it was speechless! I was speechless! Disappointed and Pained for being deceived. 

I quietly wore my boxers back and slept. Did I even sleep? I just closed my eyes. All the while, she was mute, we were both mute. She left in the morning and that was the end, she stopped talking to me after that and avoided me like plague. Na my gist be that.

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GIST 7

Hello house of God!

I have this gist from way back that I want to share with you. All hustle na hustle lols.

In those days when I just finished secondary school. You know how that teenage spirit used to push us to start doing big boys and girls in the neighbourhood, wearing designers and looking for excuses to go out and 'show them' that we have arrived. Lols.

So I was a 'big' girl after my SSCE and loads of guys were on my matter back then, I on the other hand was forming what I was not. I did not have a boyfriend, had never been to an eatery which was like visiting America those days in Osun state where we lived.. 

There was this guy who was persistent on dating me. He was a Computer instructor. One day, he asked if I had visited an eatery before, I answered "yes na, I visit very often, infact, my favourite is their salad and hotdog". He was surprised, in my mind I was already getting scared because I had never tasted salad nor hotdog before, he then said he would take me there the following Sunday. I was happy and looked forward to it.

Fast forward to the day, we entered the eatery and settled down, guy man went and ordered salad and hotdog (my fav in his mind) for me while he opted for fried rice and chicken. When he brought my food and I saw salad and hotdog physically for the first time, I knew I was done for. My countenance changed when I saw fresh green leaves but the pride in me did not allow me to tell him I wouldn't be able to eat it. Foolish me started eating the salad first, by the time I ate half of it, my stomach was on fire, I was feeling sick.

 Bobo asked if everything was ok and I answered that I needed to use the ladies. As I stood up and made to leave our table, I couldn't control it anymore, I threw up and messed the whole table with vomit. On my way to the ladies, I threw up again, bobo followed me to the ladies and cleaned me up. We went home. On our way home, the yeye guy kept asking if I was pregnant, I denied it vehemently, I was furious but I couldn't open up to him that it was the salad and that I had not tasted it before.

 Infact I was a virgin.

Few weeks later, I started hearing rumours that I was pregnant, story for another day...

Hope I didn't 'west' your time. Lols

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GIST 8

So, I have this little gist ma bros gist us when he return from burial and it make's everyone  laugh. So I decide to share with ma fellow bvs for IHGs.

 After burial in the evening time when some people is going home or to their base others stays back, you know how village burial is. The owner of the chairs started packing his chairs, one guy came to help him and there is this mad man he was also at the burial, so the mad man join them to pack chairs. 

After packing the owner of the chairs give them a thousand naira note to share that is the guy and the mad man. The guy collect the money and start looking for change but could not see change so the mad man ask the guy to give him the money to share, the guy gave him the money  he then tore it into two give the guy one part say, Were ego nke gi ( collect your money) the guy refuse he throw it on the ground and say again, oburu na I choro I were ego gi rapu ya, ewere gom nkem ( If you don't want to pick your money live it, I have collected my ). People around started laughing so hard.

Good luck to the winner...Winner will be announced next week.